The Magnus Archives - Sheeple Chase 5 - Coke-Conspirators

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

It's a cola conundrum!This week Georgie and Celia breakdown Big Bottling Business.Content Warnings:· Mentions of: drugsTranscripts available at https://rustyquill.com/transcripts/the-magnus-protocol/This series is part of our Kickstarter Stretch Goals for the Magnus Protocol. You can find a complete list of our Kickstarter backers https://rustyquill.com/the-magnus-protocol-supporter-wall/Created by Sasha Sienna, based on the works of Jonathan Sims and Alexander J NewallDirected by April SumnerWritten by Sasha SiennaScript Edited with Additional Material by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J NewallExecutive Producers April Sumner, Alexander J Newall, Jonathan Sims, Dani McDonough, Linn Ci, and Samantha F.G. HamiltonAssociate Producers Jordan L. Hawk, Taylor Michaels, Nicole Perlman, Cetius d’Raven, and Megan NiceProduced by April SumnerFeaturingSasha Sienna as Georgie BarkerLowri Ann Davies as Celia RipleyLoki as Captain BarkerEditor – Nico VetteseMastering Editor - Meg McKellarMusic by Nico VetteseArt by April SumnerSFX by Soundly and previously credited artistsSupport Rusty Quill directly by joining our new membership platform at members.rustyquill.com or on Patreon at patreon.com/rustyquillCheck out our merchandise available at https://www.redbubble.com/people/RustyQuill/shop and https://www.teepublic.com/stores/rusty-quillSupport Rusty Quill by purchasing from our Affiliates;DriveThruRPG – DriveThruRPG.comJoin our community:WEBSITE: rustyquill.comFACEBOOK: facebook.com/therustyquillX: @therustyquillEMAIL: [e-mail] Chase and The Magnus Protocol are a derivative products of the Magnus Archives, created by Rusty Quill Ltd. and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Share alike 4.0 International Licence.For ad-free episodes, bonus content and the latest news from Rusty Towers, join members.rustyquill.com or our Patreon. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, and welcome to sheeplechase, the podcast where I'm going to Sheeplechase, the podcast where I, Georgie Barker, take a deep dive into all things conspiracy. And where I, Celia Ripley, stand by with a bullshit detector and 20 cc's of liquid skepticism. Now, before we get started with today's episode, I think I should probably address something. Ah. I know some of you have seen Melanie King's socials, but for those of you who haven't, I sent her a DM, inviting her to guest on the podcast, and she then posted a screenshot of the message with a caption about how she hates legitimate paranormal investigators like herself being lumped in with vapid grifters with misinformation podcasts. Now, I'm not here to rehash anything, but just to let people know, I am taking a break from social media after all the ghost hunters came at me for being a flat-earth Illuminati cult leader.

Which, if they'd actually listened to our episode on The Illuminati, doesn't even make sense. At least she cropped your name out of it. Yes, but people still figured out who it was from. And when people called her on it, she said she didn't think anyone would figure it out because my audience is so tiny. Tiny and dedicated. That's right, and thank you to everyone who's defended me online. Yeah, sorry again. If I had socials, I would have used them.

It's fine. I can hardly blame you for not sharing my poison. Tell you what, why don't we have a word from our sponsor? Sure. As a dog owner, I know pets are family, which is why I made sure to find a vet that really understands Captain Barker. But what do you do if your little critter has a few less teeth and a lot more legs? Why, you go to Webb's MD.

Web's MD are number one for arachnid veterinarians. Their specialty makes them true experts in spider care, health and behaviour. So if your little spider buddy is looking a little under the weather or racked with Onwee, Webb's MD can sort them right out with no treading incidents since 2021. Webb's MD, it's not a bug, it's a creature. So, with that out of the way, which conspiracy are we covering today, Celia? It's actually your suggestion from last week. What's that?

Last episode, you said I could pick something, mundane like new Coke. So guess what I've picked? Oh, right. It's New Coke. This is a cautionary tale about arrogant marketing departments. It's 1985 and Coca-Cola has slipped from being the undisputed king of cola to fighting an almost neck-and-neck race with Pepsi. New CEO, Roberto Goyzweta, now has one job.

Beat Pepsi at any cost, and it's time to shake things up. Yeah, you really shouldn't do that fizzy drinks. Which is why he throws out the 100-year-old recipe that made them an international sensation and replaces it with a new one. What a great idea! I assume it was a roaring success. Yep, it went great, everyone loved it. End of episode. Really? You wish. Boo.

Jokes aside, though, it wasn't as crazy as it first sounds. Baby boomers had historically been huge Coke drinkers. Such Cokeheads. But as they aged, they were switching to low sugar alternatives, while younger drinkers were all in on Pepsi. So what were baby boomers switching to? Diet Coke. Wait, wait, wait.

So they were still drinking Coke? Of course. Coca-Cola was still making money hand over fist, but one of their bragging rights was possibly in danger. Gosh, that sounds like a real capitalist crisis. Someone might even lose a bonus over it. Right? So they had no choice but to release a new, even sweeter recipe, and it worked.

In taste tests, almost everyone preferred the new Coke recipe to Pepsi or Old Coke. So far this doesn't sound much like a conspiracy. Hey, is this what it feels like to be you? Nothing suspicious here. Coincidence. Coincidence. But that's what they want you to think. And their new Coke made Ronald Reagan kill a guy.

Oh, wow, really? No. That was mean. I know. So, anyway, despite having the winning recipe, the new Coke launch didn't go quite as planned. The first problem was the press conference announcing it. Gozweeta came out with the confidence of

10 mediocre white men, growing about the success of a product that wasn't even on sale yet, and even worse, Pepsi had allegedly paid off reporters to ask hostile questions, like, is this change in admission that people like Pepsi better? And does this move represent the company's break from traditional American values? That last one can't be real. Oh yeah. Somehow, the idea that New Coke was anti-American was a bafflingly common complaint, and some Southerners even framed it as a continuation of the American Civil War. What? What? Why? Because Coca-Cola's based in Atlanta, and Pepsi's based in New York.

So people from southern states were calling to complain that Coke was surrendering to the Yankees. I mean, I almost respect their dedication, but mostly I'm just. just confused. Yeah, it's actually fascinating. It turns out when they did the focus groups, although most people preferred new Coke, about 10% of people hated it, to the point they felt angry at the thought of it replacing old Coke. And they were so vocal that they completely skewed the vibe and convinced other participants they didn't like it even after already saying they did. I would have thought the people who liked it would have just peer-pressured the rest into going with it. I don't know what to tell you. Apparently only haters are contagious.

That shouldn't surprise me. Hmm. So I'm guessing when the haters escaped quarantine, they infected the whole population. Possibly? Or that 10% were just so unbelievably loud that they drowned out everyone else. New Coke did increase sales at first, but then sales started to plummet. Coca-Cola received 40,000 complaint letters and their hotline calls shot up to over 1,500 per day. And these calls weren't just saying, I like Coke Better the old way.

People were really emotional. Coca-Cola even hired a psychiatrist to sit in on some calls, and they said callers were showing textbook signs of grief as if they had lost a family member. You can't be serious. Oh, just you wait, I've got quotes. Oh, no. Quote, at first I was numb.

Then I was shocked. Then I started to yell and scream and run up and down. Okay, bit of an overreaction, but could be worse. Yeah, how about? I couldn't have been more surprised if someone told me I was gay. Why would, what, what? Actually, you know what, buddy, me too. I would also be equally surprised to be told I was gay

as I would to be told a soft drinks recipe was changing slightly. Okay, how about? There are only two things in my life. God and Coca-Cola. Now you have taken one of those things away from me. Okay. That one is funny. Then you'll love this.

When they took old Coke off the market, they violated my freedom of choice. It's as basic as the Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence. We went to war in Japan over that freedom. Okay, we went through funny and back out into scary. The backlash was so bad. They brought back original Coke as Coke Classic after only 79 days.

I mean, that is suspiciously quick. And this is where the conspiracies come in. The main one is that Coke put out new Coke knowing it would flop, just to remind people how much they loved old Coke. I could believe that. Gosweta always denied it, famously saying, we're not that smart and we're not that dumb. Nice quote.

Yeah, and there's no real evidence for it other than how quick they went back to the old formula. But did it work? Did people buy more old coke afterwards? Oh yeah. Most market analysts think the big advertising push Coca-Cola did around bringing back classic Coke won them the Cola Wars. The Cola Wars?

Yeah, that's an actual phrase, taught in business. And honestly, I'd say people cared about it that much. People were buying hundreds of cases of coke to hoard the old formula, and when it came back, they were so thrilled they kept on buying it. Hmm, pretty plausible. So what other conspiracies you got? I am so glad you asked Georgie. How about? New Coke was intended to derail complaints from Coca-Cola's bottlers. Go on. Okay, so technically the Coca-Cola company doesn't make drinks. Bit harsh. They're not good for you, but they are technically potable.

Fair. You see, they actually make syrups, which they then sell to bottling companies who add carbonated water and package up the drinks for venues that use them in soda fountains. Hang on, my capitalist bullshit detector is going off. Yeah, so it's not a good deal for the bottling companies who have to sign a contract saying they'll only bottle Coca-Cola products in order to get access to the syrups, the recipe and of course the branding. So a monopoly with extra steps? Essentially. So in 1985, Coca-Cola was in the middle of a mass dispute with its bottling companies. They said that Coca-Cola had always charged more for the old Coke syrup than their others on the basis that it was more valuable for being so

established and unchanged. Now, with new Coke, they argued that it was too hard to sell after years of marketing Coke's consistency, with slogans like, still the same great taste, and some said they were even being ostracized by their friends and family because of their association. Yikes! So naturally, they said, well, it's changed now, so lower the price, you greedy bricks. Oh no, I see where this is going. Yeah. By our. Arguing that New Coke syrup was worth less because it had changed, they were seen to accept that old Coke syrup was worth the higher price. So people think New Coke was bad on purpose, just to bait the bottles into tanking their own court case?

Yeah, and there's some weight to the allegations, since after the suit was dropped, Coca-Cola went and bought major stakes in all their biggest bottling companies. Of course they did. Well, I think I might need a new conspiracy to watch the taste of classic conspiracy out of my mouth. Say no more. How do we feel about claims that Coca-Cola made big temporary changes to their recipe to hide smaller permanent changes? What, like taking out the cocaine? That would explain a lot of the 80s.

Close. That was actually in 1903, back before people decided giving piles of cocaine to children might be a bad idea. No, this alleged change was the swap from cane sugar to cheaper high fructose corn syrup, with New Coke being deliberately sickly sweet so that the corn syrup would taste better in comparison. But I thought most people preferred New Coke. Oh, yeah. If Coca-Cola had planned on releasing an unpalatable drink, they absolutely beefed it. And it would have been pointless since high fructose corn syrup had already been phased in for five years. Celia, I have a theory.

I'd expect nothing less. Okay, so you said Coca-Cola stopped using cocaine in the early 1900s, right? Yes. So what if they never took the cocaine out at all? They just said they did, but they were secretly still making good old-fashioned cocaine a cola all the way up to 1985. Sounds expensive. Not if it was just an itsy, bitsy, teeny, tiny, child-friendly amount of cocaine. Oh, right, well, that's different.

But then, in the 80s, Reagan's all in. on his war on drugs, and it's just too risky to keep it up anymore, so you finally need to change the recipe and take it out, so you cover it up with a bullshit recipe change. I hate that this all must make sense. People love the new taste, but for some reason, it just hits different than old Coke, and they can't figure out what's missing. It must be the American values, they think. That's why they're craving the old recipe so much. This one's un-American. They demand you change back to the old one, so you switch to the original formula, minus the

cocaine, and hope it's close enough. A few people notice, but luckily, you've already started mixing in garbage sugar syrup so you can pass it off. Then, hey, presto, you're out of the drug game and your share prices up all in less than three months. Okay, couple of questions. Shoot, I'm on a roll. So it's true that Coca-Cola does have a special license to use coca leaves. They do? Oh my God, I'm right. I've cracked it. But they have a special supplier, Steppen company who imports coca leaves from Peru and Bolivia and then decokaneizes them. they're paid to do a rubbish job. Sure, but even then, it doesn't make any financial sense. A can of coke in 1985 was, what, 25 cents? But I bet cocaine was a smidge more expensive.

It's Coca-Cola. I'm sure they'd be getting wholesale prices. Even with that, they'd have to be using absolutely minuscule portions. But that's what I'm saying. It just needs a little kick, a baby kick. Babies can kick quite hard. A puppy kick then. from a baby dash and. They've only got tiny little legs. Hmm, I'm not convinced. That's a lot of risk and expense just for a soda. But all is fair in love and soda wars, Celia. I mean, if you could categorically prove they were somehow getting massive amounts of cocaine for cheap. In the 80s, not impossible.

Not completely impossible. I'll take it. Vindication! Very, very partial conditional vindication. Oh, just do your ad and get on with it. Wow, Georgie, I can't believe Mia Hill from manic pixie scream girls came to your birthday party. Oh, Celia, you're so gullible. That was just a look-alike. I was impressed with you having stepdad who works at Nintendo at your barbecue. That was really hashtag relatable.

Ha-ha, I don't even have a stepdad. That was a look-alike too. What? But. Celia, how can you hire a look-alike for someone who doesn't exist? With Everybody Doubles, of course. At Everybody Doubles, you can hire a look-alike for any overly specific but still normal-looking character you can think of. Maybe you need to pretend to colleagues you have a girlfriend who is allergic to dogs. Or you need an overly authoritarian personal trainer to get out of running with a friend. Maybe you just want to hang out with a retired parasailer.

We've all been there. whatever and whoever you need can be found at Everybody Doubles. Everybody Doubles agents are untrained professionals incapable of performing impressions or basic tasks. Well, that's about it for this week, but we'll be back next time with more tales of collusion and cover-ups. You doing anything exciting before then? Any more bungee jumping dates? I do have another coffee date with the instructor, but I'm not getting my hopes up. What's wrong now? The tortoise hates me.

I'm not even going to try to unpack that. Thank you, everybody, for listening, and remember, if you think something tastes funny, don't worry, they haven't removed all the cocaine. The manufacturers just hate freedom. I might need to cut that for the sponsors. Sheeplechase and the Magnus Protocol are podcasts distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons attribution, non-commercial, non-comer. share-a-like 4.0 international license. Sheeplechase was created by Sasha Siena, directed by April Sumner,

and based on the works of Jonathan Sims and Alexander J. Newell. This episode was written by Sasha Sienna and edited with additional materials by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J. Newell, with audio edits by Nico Viteze, mastering by Meg McKella, and music by Nico Viteze. It featured Sasha Sienna as Georgie Barker and Lori Ann Davies as Celia Ripley.

To subscribe, explore exclusive and enjoy early access, add-free episodes, visit members. dot rusty quill.com or join our Patreon. Rate and review us online, follow us on social media, or email us at mail at rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening.