The Matan Show - Bryan Callen Finally Talks About Brendan Schaub & Tigerbelly

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

Hello everybody, welcome back to the podcast. For today's guest, we have Brian Callan. Welcome in. Now you come and sit in the middle. And for today's co-host, we have my manager, Viro Flooring. Welcome in, Viro Flooring. Welcome in, Viro Flooring, my manager. Somebody's sitting here, Tim. Oh, this is so cramped.

No, it's me's me You and my manager Viral flooring Oh okay So please just in case Any of the audience Doesn't know you Please just introduce yourself Tell everybody a little bit

About yourself I think the audience Probably knows me How old's your audience? I don't know But you're not Like I mean Not everybody knows you

Come on be cool Alright I uh It's my favorite I actually don't eat gluten But um I had a gluten I mean, not everybody knows you. Come on, be cool. All right. It's my favorite. I actually don't eat gluten, but I had a gluten sugar seed oil shake before I got here. I'm just a comedian and an actor and an athlete and a father. Yeah, but in case I need to tell them, let's not super specific.

I mean, you want me to tell you what I was in? Tell them a little bit about you. And by the way, I'm just going to warn you now. Don't fucking bully me. I'll show up right to your house. Bang, bang, bang. I don't give a fuck about your UFC. Come on, you're doing me on Rogan, dude. I know what you're fucking doing.

I don't give a fuck about your UFC shit. I'll go straight to your house, all right? Well, that's what I used to be like. Now I'm not that way. I've found God. Don't fucking bully me, all right? All right. I'm just saying.

So now introduce yourself. You and I have a lot in common. I was a lot like you when I was younger. No, I would never say something that stupid. Go ahead. Okay, well, I'm an actor. I came to Los Angeles to be an actor because I like to move people to tears and to laughter.

It's just so bad. Why? Well, you said you like to move them to tears? Yes, and laughter. That's the whole point of being an artist. Oh, have you ever made a person laugh before? Yeah, fucking, I'm a comic, dude. I'm really good at stand-up comedy. I understand that that's, like, the

thing, but it doesn't, are you working? Yes, it works. That's why I sell, I don't sell a lot of tickets, but I sell a respectable amount of tickets. So can you tell a joke to my manager, viral flooring, that could make him laugh? No, my comedy is not like that. I don't do jokes lot of tickets, but I sell a respectable amount of tickets. So can you tell a joke to my manager, viral flooring, that could make him laugh? No, my comedy is not like that. I don't do jokes. I do stories, and it takes a long time.

So tell a funny story to my manager, viral flooring. Dude, I'm more... Fuck, all right. Tell a funny... My manager, he's in a... What is it? Serious pain? What did I say earlier?

Yeah, you said he was in serious pain, but he looks like... My manager is in tremendous pain. He hates breathing, and he begged me not to put him here. Can you please tell him a funny story to lighten up the mood? He's kind of offering me money then pulling it away.

Yeah, that's not what I asked. I asked for you to tell him a story. I mean, you put me on the spot. I don't have a lot of funny stories. It's more like I start with a theme with my comedy. Oh, you're like a crowd work guy. No, I'm not. I don't have a lot of funny stories. It's more like I start with a theme with my comedy. Oh, you're like a crowd work guy. No, I don't do crowd work. Sometimes I will do crowd work.

So tell crowd work to viral flooring. I saw a guy, he had a big head. Look at him while you're doing it. Okay. Well, this was funny. I said your head looks like I could fit my head in it. And then kind of like people chuckled. And then I said you look like you have a big torso, but he has skinny legs.

And I said, you're built like an arachnid. And if you were there at the time, it was very funny. He's not laughing. He is laughing, dude. Jesus Christ. Anyway, here, I just want to say that I'm a little older than you guys. So this is a good opportunity for you guys to ask me questions about life, if you have any.

All right, well, we'll get into the serious stuff. Just remember that thing about bullying, because, you know. Yeah, I know. I got in trouble for bullying certain people. Yeah? Did they show up to your house? Bang, bang, bang. Dude, dude, I know what you're doing.

I'm not referencing anything. Yeah, I feel like you are, and I was a younger man, fucking way better looking, and I feel like I had a lot of heat of heat in me and when you're young you have a lot of heat you're like 50 years old no okay no i wasn't how old are you now i'm 57 okay that was nine years ago i have 48 years old was i that old you were 48 years old how would i know but when i was okay but when i was 48 i had a lot look as i i still had a lot of testosterone running through my veins as i as you get older you get you develop perspective so if you wanted to fight me when i was younger i'd be like right let's go but right now i would do this

watch say i want to fight you watch this watch this if you want to bully me i'll fight you bang bang you're not mad at me young man you're just mad at the world. You see, that's called perspective. You would say that to a 48-year-old? No. Well, I would probably say that, yes. That's not how I would threaten somebody. That's how somebody on a Joe Rogan podcast would threaten me. See, I feel like you're referencing that, dude.

No, I'm not. I don't even know what it is, to be honest. But you just mentioned it. It's just a guess based off what you said, educated guess. Well, all right alright That's fair I do do Rogan a lot He's a friend Get me on there

I'll give you some of his money I'm gonna do his podcast On Friday Maybe I'll put in a good word I'll If you wanna bring me I'll I'll wear

I don't wanna He's offering me pizza I'll wear what My guy here Terrorist is wearing And I'll Rogan Yeah that guy

Didn't say hi to me at all He just came out Of the fucking bathroom. He was in there for way too long. Oh, really? His whole head is wrapped in a fucking shirt, and he's got... I can't see anything.

Well, let's move on, okay? Introduction is done with. And this is... I have to be honest with you, not to be a dick. I've been doing this for a long time. I've earned a certain amount of respect, and you have a fucking sheet set up.

That's just my setup. Okay, well, let's move on, okay? I mean, you know, even this chair is not comfortable. Have you ever tried... I got this fucking guy next this chair is not comfortable. Have you ever tried... I got this fucking guy next to me. Keep going. Have you ever tried a Mexican cookie?

It's like a chocolate chip with salsa all over it. It's my favorite food, to be honest with you. I love the sweet and the spicy. I've always been kind of a sweet and spicy person myself, like, behind my face. Thank God he's fucking done with his pizza. It's fucking monkey. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called him that.

The point is. Is that wow? Why did you say that? Because it just popped out. Thanks for pointing that out. I might not have realized what you said. I'm sorry. It just popped out.

I tend to get. When people chew that quickly. Is this making you stressed out? It makes me nervous. You understand? Is he stressing you out right now? Is that why? And right now? Yes. And now I insulted him.

And now I feel bad. So let me ask you a question. So far, just from the couple of minutes you... I'm sorry. I apologize. The couple of minutes you've been on here, would you say that you're having a better experience than when you went on Joe Rogan? I feel like this is a good fit for me, to be honest with you.

Yeah. And I'm sorry that I upset your guy. I apologize. I didn't mean to call him a monkey. I guess he took that with like a major offense. He just fucked up all three angles. Yeah, I know. Look at that main camera right now.

That's my main camera too. That's my main shot. Yeah, he just took that whole thing out right there. Yeah, and I have shit I want to plug. All right, finally. Sorry, I got distracted a little bit. Why is the Mexican cookie chocolate chip with salts all over it your favorite food? Because it's not what you would expect.

And it's what I call essential food. Have you tried it before? No, but I'm going to. Who's going to introduce you to it? Probably Matan. If it wasn't me, because earlier you said it was your favorite food, implying that you would have tried it so far. Yeah, because I went through it in my mind.

Who would have introduced you to that? Who would have introduced me to a chocolate chip cookie? To a chocolate chip with salsa all over it. Somebody of Latin descent. Varrofloring? The other one who told me he was Venezuelan. Where's Brendan Schwab from? It's Schwab.

You have to say his name right. Brendan Schwab? Yeah, Brendan Schwab. He is not Mexican.ub. You have to say his name right. Brendan Schaub? Yeah, Brendan Schaub. He is not Mexican. He's not Latin. He's actually a white boy. So why didn't you say that? Well, because you said Schwab and I said Schaub.

That's where I got introduced to it and it's my favorite food. Really? Yeah, the Mexican cookie. Oh, you know what, dude? You fucking led me down the rabbit hole and I fell for it. And you're looking up like you don't know what you're... I don't know. See? You're acting innocent, but you're not doing a good job. I didn't do anything. God, I'm jealous of your name, to be honest, too. Matan. You just realized

now what that question was? I fucked up. I thought you would have got it immediately. I didn't. Well, I guess not. I'm not good with, I tend to be a little bit naive. No, no, no. And I accept people on good faith. This isn't like a gotcha podcast or nothing. Not at all. It doesn't feel like that at all. No, it's not. It's fucking bullshit. What's behind this?

Nothing. That's actually... I'll be honest with you. That's an expensive sheet. It's a good sheet. I keep telling everybody. Everybody thinks it's low quality. I've heard it's low quality

because they don't touch it. How many count thread is this? This is fucking expensive. I found it in a dumpster, but it was outside of like... I don't know it. How many count thread is this? This is fucking expensive. I found it in a dumpster, but it was outside of like, I don't know, but it was... What the...

Oh. Yeah. It was outside of like a high quality place. This is a very gay neighborhood. Not to be... Gay neighborhood? Yeah, and gay men tend to be...

We are in a... So it's true. I saw a lot of guys holding hands. One guy was making out and then he... Where was that? Complimented me.

Complimented me on my lower body which I get a lot of. And then I was like... Why would he know that about your lower body? Are you gay? No, I'm not gay. I mean,

you know, college and stuff but for the most part. Oh, so you were gay a little bit in college. You know, you go through a phase. That's all.

You know what I mean? Or sometimes I'm gay if it's an emergency. And what type of emergency would that be? Like if you're in Europe, you know. You lost your wallet. And how could that translate into something gay? It's just because, you know, you meet somebody. I'm not in the guide.

But you're a fighter, right? You had more fights than a UFC fighter in the street. Well, dude. You've had more street fights than UFC fighters. I know what you're doing to me! I know what you're doing to me, dude. Alright? Now listen to me. Look, all I'm saying is if there's a situation,

okay? Well, I'll just say this. I'm a big fan of you two. I appreciate that. Who do you... Okay, well, you know who I'm saying. You and... Yeah. So I am just... Me and Brennan. I just know all about you guys and I'm happy that you're here and Brennan. I just know all about you guys and I'm happy that you're here and Okay.

I got rid of I feel like you're not being sincere. I'm being super sincere. I got rid of Then why are you looking over there? You're not looking at me. I got rid of all of the animals that I have here usually.

You know and I got rid of some of the I know a lot about animals. There were some homeless people that used to be here. I got rid of that. Okay. Yeah. Alright. a lot about animals. There were some homeless people that used to be here. I got rid of that. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Thank you. Are you getting this reference yet or no? Not really. I'm bad with these references, bro. I got rid of like the cats and all that. He said nothing this whole time. What does he do?

He just monitors this? He's a massive fan of you and he's my manager, Viral Flora. So he just wanted to be around me with all that fucking money? Every time I fucking reach for it, he doesn't give a shit. That's my manager, Viral Flora. That's a massive fan of you and he's my manager, Viroflora. So he just wanted to be around me with all that fucking money? Every time I fucking reach for it, he doesn't give a shit. That's my manager, Viroflora. That's a lot of money. You must be making a fortune. No, he's making a fortune.

He takes 98% of my income. Why are you using him as a manager, bro? You're too young. You're getting taken advantage of. I don't know. You said, why am I not? I have other people that would take 10%. Oh, no.

Well, that's not an option. He has me signed in already. And he got me signed in when I was like 12. So he got that thing where my parents signed it before my mother was in jail. That's such a bad thing. Your mom's in jail? Yeah. And what did he do?

He had it ratified by the courts. So you had to raise yourself? Well, since I was 11. Since you were fucking 11? Yeah where'd I grow up? I don't know I couldn't think of... It sounds like you grew up in Israel. Take it easy don't be anti-semitic I just can tell by the accent. Are you Jewish? I mean I have friends who are Jewish. Oh who's that? Well my last name is the Italian side is Sclafani. So you're Italian. I'm Italian.

But not Jewish. But they look more like they come from Israel, not from Italy. Does that make sense? I know. I know. They don't have, like, for example, my mother looks, people think she's Ashkenazi because she doesn't have Italian. She looks, you know, there's no bronzing. Maybe your mother should replace her face.

Sorry? Maybe your mother should replace her face. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That's so insulting, dude. You mean like get a new nose? Okay, fine. Well, not just the nose. If she's called out by it,

she does need to get a new face. Okay. Would you rather get $480,000 right now or 16 cents that doubles every day for a week? 16 cents that doubles every day for a week. That would add up to 2048 total. Is that true? That's true.

I just did the math in my head. I didn't write it down or nothing. Damn. Because you want to go usually exponential. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Hey, hey. This guy's moving a lot. What did he do to you? I don't exponential. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Hey, hey, this guy's moving a lot.

What did he do to you? I don't know. It's distracting. He's just chilling and having fun. Look at how he's dressed in joggers, but he has a button-down shirt that he tucked in. Makes no sense to me. Just trying to make sure you're comfortable.

All right. Is he making you comfortable? Not really. There's a lot of movement. So far, this is going really well He's just making sure He's going really good so far I think so

We already covered two good topics I think so This is great We covered You have the same pants Who me and you? Yeah you and your camera guy That's my camera guy Mike

Mike Yeah And that's Mike Mike earlier Sounds like a fake name I wouldn't fake anything Alright Let's continue Okay Mike. Yeah. And that's Mike Mike earlier. Sounds like a fake name. I wouldn't fake anything. Alright. Let's continue.

Okay. Within your friend group, who do you think are the five funniest comedians? I think Bill Burr. I think Dove Davidoff. I think Steve Byrne cracks me up. I think Andrew Santino is hilarious. I think Bobby Lee is hilarious. So that's the five.

I think Sebastian Maniscalco is hilarious. I have a lot of famous friends. Joe Rogan. I can keep going. Well, I said, okay, let's move on to the next thing. Who now the five least funny? So now you can get to those guys. That's a fucked up question, bro. It's a smart question.

You already have one in there so far. It's a smart question it's a smart question you already have one in there it's a smart question yeah you already have the first one wait a minute i'm just assuming that you knew that was the next question that's why you said uh guy at the end dude let me explain i'm just mattan mattan do you understand he could make one phone call he could open his fucking window and whisper, and this whole podcast goes away? Oh, are we talking about Brendan Schwab or Joe Rogan? We're talking about Joe Rogan. Oh, I love Joe Rogan.

He's funny. But he's in that top five, the second list. So now finish the next four. I mean, the four who are not funny? There are a lot of comics. We both know who the next guy is. Will you say it? There are a lot of comics.

Why do you keep looking up i feel like you're baiting me listen i'm just i'm looking up there are a lot of comics okay look i can't contain to look at you because you're laughing you're all smiling i'm not laughing i'm trying to say i'm being serious in business style when it comes to comedy real quick i'm just going to interrupt you because i don't want to hear this uh bullshit when i asked you for the five funnest you gave me six in like 20 seconds i did now when i'm asking for the five least funny i know what names are coming to your mind that's that you are not a mind reader dude i know i know at least two of them one of them you named one of them we named earlier and i want

you to name them here don't say oh okay i don't know what you're saying. Okay, so let's start off with zero. Your name is zero of the least funny ones. Go ahead. Okay, so comedy, so sometimes people are funny off the cuff. Stand-up is a little bit different because it requires, stop looking up like that.

Stand-up is different. It's just such bullshit. No, I'm not bullshitting. Why didn't you have to do this explanation when I asked you for the five funnies? I'm trying to create a caveat here. Stand-up is something like... But you know that I have to get an answer from you.

I can't accept not getting an answer or you win. I know. You're very competitive, dude. I'm competitive. And I appreciate that. I'm going to one day have more street fights than a UFC fighter. You know what? That fucking earring you have is a small touch, but it really brings out your eyes and your nose.

And I appreciate that. Thank you. I don't like the nose. Why? You have a Roman nose. Jewish. Jewish? No, it's sharp. We're not changing the conversation, okay? The five least funny, and then I'll do mine. But I feel like it's mean to

mention unfunny comics when they're trying hard. I'll bleep their names out. I feel like I... Let me look at you. Say that again. I want to see if I can trust you. I swear on my life I'm going to bleep their names out. But you're not looking at to see if I can trust you. I swear on my life, I'm going to bleep their names out. But you're not looking at my face. You see what happened? I swear on my life,

I'll bleep their names out. I swear to God. Dude, you were crossing your fingers, man. I just caught you crossing your fingers and you can't even look at me. It's unbelievable. I feel like you're... I'm not going to bleep their names.

Have some integrity and say their names. Fine. I will. I think John Major's not funny I think I said in your friend group

I know these guys okay John Mayer John Mayer's not John Mayer's a great guitarist who did you say John Mayer John Mayer is a great

guitarist but I don't think he's funny Tom Cruise good friend I don't know if he's that funny he's pretty serious these are not comedians

you are not friends with Tom Cruise we have a timeshare in Tah. I don't know if he's that funny. He's pretty serious. These are not comedians. You are not friendly, Tom Cruise. We have a timeshare in Tahoe. You don't know? The five least funny comedians who have done your podcast or done Joe Rogan's podcast. I feel like... Why is he fucking sitting there

just smiling, man? He's a co-host. But he's not a good co-host. I'm going to be honest with you, dude. We're not changing the conversation. You should change the co-host. But he's not a good co-host. I'm going to be honest with you, dude. You said fucking nothing. We're not changing the conversation. You should change the co-host. Okay, I'll change the co-host.

But I mean, he's literally just, all he does is sit there and laugh under his breath and count money. Don't fucking bully me. Okay, I'm sorry. I'll change the co-host, but I'm not going to change the conversation.

So let's get back to the five least fun. Okay. You're nervous. You're like biting your lips. I'm a little, yeah, because this is a big podcast and it's exciting to be on your podcast are you scared

they're gonna sue you no I'm not I'm scared he's gonna sue me yeah don't worry hey nobody's gonna sue you

relax I don't have enough money for a long time relax he's touching me with his foot bro that's inappropriate yes

he's creepy don't these are I'm sponsored by Adidas you're not sponsored by Adidas yes I am for sports Adidas has went down the fucking road

You know what You gotta cut your fucking hair It's driving me nuts You see what happens Yeah I have to keep getting it out of my face I know bro So cut it Hey guys

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of morons, they decided to send me this shirt instead. My buddy Mike does have Sheath though, and he said he thinks it's extremely comfortable and he recommends it. Thanks to Sheath for sponsoring today's episode. And if you want to get some for yourself, go to sheath.com s-h-e-a-t-h.com and use code matan m-a-t-a-n to get 20 off your order that's sheath.com s-h-e-a-t-h.com and use code matan m-a-t-a-n to get 20 off your order listen we're not changing the topic top five let's go i have i have seven more pages what would you say i asked you all you Mine was next You go first I think that everybody

Maybe they're good at something else Is funny in their own right Maybe they're good at something else I think people are all very funny In their own way Maybe they're good at talking Maybe they're good at fighting Yeah

So name them The people that are good at talking And fighting Sure Okay People that are very good at talking And fighting My co-host for example

On Fighter and the Kid. Oh, what's his name? Brendan Schaub. Very funny. Very funny man. Oh, he's funny? Very funny. Very strong.

Do you legally have to say that? No, no, no. Listen. Do you listen to Fighter and the Kid? Um, I don't listen. See? I knew it. I fucking knew it.

Um, you went like this. You went, um, which means no. I don't listen to the full episodes, but I... There's so much nuance that you can't... Well, I listen to... I hear about it from different sources. So you're hearing a third party, dude. I need you to get involved in the podcast,

Fighter and the Kid, and you will see that I'm not just the only genius in that fucking duo. It's Brendan Schaub. I'll tell you this this i'm a big part of the community are you talking about the underground community you son of a bitch listen matan matan i love that name i'm gonna be honest with you i wish you it's almost a hero's name like watch this you're saying i'm a hero For confronting a bunch of Unfunny comedians Well no no no

I just like the idea They're coming over the hill What do we do Get my time You're changing the conversation Okay I'm sorry But I gotta carry it away Okay listen to me

There's a couple hundred Thousand of us now You're part of that community I started it I bet you that fucking guy is too And I used You started it Oh you know what email I used too

Which You know What is it Tiger belly See, that fucking guy is too. You started it? Oh, you know what email I use too. Which? You know. What is it? Tiger Belly. Listen. Listen to me right now. I got some information. See, this is why I have the great podcast.

Because nobody else will talk to you like this. I know, and I appreciate it. And it's good that we're getting this out there. Now look, Tiger Belly. Now that I mention that, are you going to call me after this and threaten to kill me? Never. No? Never.

I would guess that that's something you might do. No, I would never do that. No, for sure. That was when I was 48, bro. I've grown up. No. I'm not as hot. Oh, so good on you to admit that you did that.

What's that? What? Yeah, I did. You admitted it. Come on. I did. I did. But also, I think you're talking about Tiger Belly.

I love Tiger. I went on there recently. So do I. Did Bobby mention me? Off camera. Did he say good things? He said that you threatened to beat him up and kill him. I can't remember exactly.

He didn't mention that, but I heard on that community. What the? Bro, you led me down that rabbit hole. Why are you getting your information from the community? Why can't you just talk to me or Brendan? This is my first time meeting you, and Brendan won't talk to me. What do you mean?

I've never... I don't know how to get in contact with him. I'll get you on the podcast. Call him right now. Call him right now and put him on the phone with viral flooring. I'm too scared to talk to him. No, I'm not going to do that.

No, he's... Okay, have him talk to me. You know what? By the way... No, no, don't puss you out of it now. No, no, no. I'm going to have him. When we're done, I'll have him call you.

Because you're hoping when we're done, I'm going to like... You're hoping that I'm not a real person. This isn't how I behave. So you're hoping that when we're done, I'm like cool and nice and talk. No, no, no. I'm friendly right now. You're just being honest. You're asking me questions that I believe are not trolling at all.

I'm not trolling you. I'm actually asking about real things. I'm here to answer anything you want to know. People are going to be interested to hear your opinion on this stuff. Yeah, well, what would you like to know? I would like to know that... About the email. About what?

About Tiger Belly. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. I love Bobby. He's my friend. Bang bang bang Hold on You weren't there dude

Don't get your information from the fucking community You're getting it from me I see it now I have a new conspiracy What do you mean You thought he bullied you So you threatened to go to his house And bang bang bang his door in No you're crossing the stories

He didn't bully me. I bullied him. But I apologize. You thought he bullied your friend. No, I knew he wasn't involved. So you just went manic or what happened? Yeah, I went a little manic. And I also thought that his team was involved in something, which I found out later. I was working on the wrong information. Did you find out that they were involved?

Well, the bottom line is the way I treated Bobby was wrong. You're sweating your face. The way I treated Bobby was completely wrong and I apologize 50,000 times and I love him. I forgive you

if you get Brandon on here. Okay. You want me to bring him on? I'll forgive you if you do that. I'll forgive you. Wait, hold on, hold on. Just so you know,

if he locks that door, he can kill everybody in here. I heard that, you know what, I heard it, I don't know if you are familiar with this, but one time he told his friend that he could fucking pin him down and put his dick in his mouth.

I don't know what you're talking about. Did he keep his promise and do that to you? Me? Yeah, he said that to you right after you threatened to go bang, bang his door in and beat him up. Well, yeah. I was trying to start a bit and I got cut off. No, you weren't. No, no, no. I was. Now I'm tough.

Now I'm tough and I will come at him. I'll come at him. But the truth is if he was my jail cellmate, if he's my cellmate in jail, I think I'd have to end up opening my mouth. So you have matured a little bit since then. I'll give you that. You think so? In some ways, you've got older and your face looks older.

Dude. Dude. Dude. I have a pretty young looking face for my age and you know that. Have you ever tried a Mexican? No, we did that one. If you signed a blank Gildan shirt, would it decrease in value? Wait, if I sign what? A blank Gildan shirt.

Just like a blank black t-shirt. Dude, I feel like my shirt would... Okay, I'm going to tell you a story, and you better not fucking make fun of me. Yeah, I wouldn't want to bully someone like you. I signed an iPhone, and I put it on eBay, and I said, I'm selling this, and no one bought it.

That's a big surprise. What's your message to your fan? Fans. You said fan. No, I wrote it here. What's your message to your fan? Okay, but I have fans. So you might be a language barrier.

I can't auto-correct me. This is physical writing. Okay, but I have fans and my message to my fans... You have a big fan out there. What's your message to him? My message me. This is physical writing. Okay, but I have fans. You have a big fan out there. What's your message to him? My message to my fans is... Fan. Singular.

Live your dreams. Yes. I like to say things that are profound. Live your dreams and reach for the stars. And if you miss, you'll land on the moon. I don't... Why is he laughing? I don't know.

Now, let me be honest. It's a good fucking saying. I've heard some comedians... I don't know about you, honestly. I haven't... I'm not too familiar with your stand-ups and stuff. You're not? I'm not.

But I've heard some comedians steal jokes. I don't know if that's something you've been accused of. I've never been accused of stealing jokes. Who did you steal that quote from, though? Because that's certainly not yours. Okay, so I heard a billionaire say it once. You heard a billionaire say it? Okay. So admit but i but i actually actually a lot of it a lot of it's mine because he said you'd land on a cloud i said land on the moon because it makes

more sense i would not accuse your friends of stealing jokes because i think only with a brain like theirs they can come up with that stuff there uh i don't know why you pounded me on that one. Because I like that you were willing to pound it on the idea that your friend's brains are so different. Yeah. I don't want to. Yeah, they're different and nothing is like it. Okay. I like that.

I like the way you're thinking. He's still not. I just don't think your co-host. I really think you could get a better co-host. I could be a better co-host. He's not the co-host every episode. Why did you bring him in for mine? Sometimes the co-host... I really think you could get a better co-host. I could be a better co-host. He's not the co-host every episode. Why did you bring him in for mine? Sometimes the co-host is that terrorist guy.

Oh, God, that guy? Bring him in. Let's just have him... He's your co-host? No, I don't mind him. Bring him in for one second. At least he creates more color in the fucking room. Jesus.

Bring in that guy. Have him real quickly check Brian's pockets and then leave. No, no, no. He has to check it. Don't try to kill him. I don't want that guy touching me. That's too bad. What are you going to do?

I don't know. Is that part of the rules? That's part of the rules. Yeah, we have to make sure you don't have any weapons. Yeah, he couldn't bully me though. I think I could. I would beat everybody in this room in a fight. It's fine.

Even though I'm old, right? But it doesn't matter. I don't claim to be a good fighter. I've never had a fight before. You're too young. I would never fight you. You're a kid. Do you have any kids?

I do. God damn them to hell. Why? Why? I have four kids, dude. In fact, I have a daughter that's only a year younger than me. Oh, fuck. What are you going to do?

Okay, dude. There's nothing in year younger than me. Oh, fuck. What are you going to do? Okay, dude. There's nothing in there. Look. Check the other pocket. There's nothing in my pockets. Other side? Yeah. Do you have to check my ass now?

Unbelievable, bro. He's the boss here. No, no. Yo. No, I have a... Show him what you have in your hands. I have this. Oh, he has to hold that until you're done.

Come on, man. Let me just hold it. Hey, hey, come here. You have to hold this until we're done. Here, what do you want to do? You want to... No, no, take it from him. No, I don't know because he'll go through my stuff.

No, he won't. He has to hold it. Hand it to me. Hand me his wallet. You take his phone. How many rules do you have, dude, in this podcast? Don't show him my number. They're going to buy it. You know what my credit limit is on that? Crazy amounts. Where's my fucking mic? Make a lot of money. You make a lot of money on my phone. We'll leave him there. He's not on camera, so it doesn't matter.

Well, I don't want to. Ifel rogan became president do you think he would make you one of the white house janitors no i think he would give me a position of dignity and power because frankly i'm pretty intelligent and i oh my strengths are not cleaning shit you made a mistake today though how look around yeah i know i know I came in you know I came in because I figured I'm older and I could teach you young guys

maybe you'd ask me questions about life and instead I got this fucking this backdrop it's a nice sheet but it's still bullshit I don't think that's why you're a dentist

and that guy's got my fucking phone and you have my wallet I don't have your wallet he doesn't have my phone you just took it no I don't we'll move on. So much money, dude. I am Marvin

manager. Let me in. I don't know what that means. He's trying to communicate with you. Oh, when you say let me in, what does that mean? Is that a sexual reference? What did he say? I am Marvin Manager. Let me in. That's an interesting note. Why would he give that to you? I don't know. Okay, well, let's just slow down a little bit.

The podcast has been very fast-paced so far. Yeah. And let's get back to your five worst comedians and your friends, since we almost forgot about that. Okay. Go ahead. They have to be friends with you. Don't just name... Don't be like a Trevor Noah. Don't give me some answer like that. I'm not like Trevor Noah, bro. No, no, no. He's very whitewashed. I'm not saying don't be like Trevor

Noah. I'm saying don't give me an answer like Trevor Noah. Like a diplomatic answer? Yeah. Give me an answer of like people that you think your friends, that your friends that you think are not funny, but you wouldn't say it to their face. But they'll learn about it right now. Yeah, but you promised me that you wouldn't tell anybody, and so I don't really trust you. And you promised me you would bleep it out. This is live right now. This is fucking live right now. So we're Twitching this?

No, this isn't live on Twitch. This is on Facebook Live. Seriously? So nobody's watching, so I can still bleep it out after when I put it on YouTube. I feel like you have a big following. On Facebook? Yes. I just started the account. big following. On Facebook? Yes. I just started the account.

That might be too old for you. Your thing is TikTok, right? Well, I post them on YouTube. Okay. Let's go. Top five. Top five what? Comedians I don't think are funny?

That you're friends with. Not, okay. Let's go. But I... Oh, nobody answers. Every time I ask one of these stupid guys who's friends with Joe Rogan... What do you mean?

Who all have the same friend group, they won't answer this question. I have other friends. I have a diverse group of friends. Go ahead. Name five of them that aren't funny. Five people that I know that aren't funny. They're comedians.

I mean, that's mean. No, it's not. It's super nice. But to be honest with you, all my friends are funny. No, they're not. No. Who do. But to be honest with you, all my friends are funny. No, they're not. No. Who do you think of my friends is not funny?

Careful. I think it's integral for a successful podcast to have a good co-host. No, not this one. Well, why not this one? Why are you the exception? Are you saying that my co-host... My podcast is not successful. Your podcast is more successful than mine.

Now, my podcast used to be way more successful than yours. You know this. But you're too young to remember that. Oh, no. I've been there from the beginning. Well, not really. I have.

Well... I've been watching. I've been watching the start. I've been... No, because you were... Eventually, I unsubscribed. I've been watching. I've been watching the start. I've been. No, because you were. Eventually I unsubscribed. You did? But I subscribed to a different page.

You unsubscribed to my fucking podcast? I unsubscribed from the YouTube. I subscribed to the Reddit. That doesn't help me. Oh, that doesn't make you any money? No. And it doesn't help me. And I feel like, you know, you're adding your voice to a lot of negativity. No, I'm not.

I'm just a happy guy who is a big... And I will tell you this about Reddit. Yeah. I had no idea how big it was. Until what? My wife told me. And when was that? That was...

Dude. Like, I would love some of that for my time. Shit, I'm sorry. His phone is ringing. It's not professional. His phone is ringing. Hand it to me. Hand me the phone.

Hand it to me. You fucking piece of shit who was that I have no idea I didn't see the name it blacked it out because your phone was locked but he still was able

to answer the call really alright thanks for that okay top five let's go time to go we've been on this

for a while now um top five friends of mine who are comics who I don't think on this for a while now um top five friends of mine who are comics who I don't think are funny I don't have a top five

I mean I don't okay top three I'll allow you to have acted like you already named the two that we're thinking of and then just give me

one more that wouldn't be the expected answer I don't I'm trying to think of who I who I don't think is funny that I know

I you know what the truth is of who I don't think is funny that I know. You know what the truth is? No, listen. I don't watch other comics. I really don't. Okay, I have a better question. If your wife was to guess, what would she say? Why are you bringing my wife in here? That was probably my wife right there.

And you just yelled at her. Well, I don't really mind. You've insulted my wife, my mother. You said my mother needs a new Well. That's so, again. I don't really mind. You've insulted my wife, my mother. You said my mother needs a new face. That's a compliment. It's not a compliment, dude. He's texting someone on your phone. No, it's his phone.

Oh. All right. Go ahead. And then you, you know, you accused me of being a bully. I think that you don't want to be bullied. That's cool. I don't like bullies either. Yeah.

I was bullied when I was younger. Yeah. And what did you do? I caved. It sucked. But I was in eighth grade. But listen, but then I said to myself, I'm never going to get bullied again. Okay.

And that's why I became a tough guy. So you'd rather be embarrassed about that than like say your friends thing. So you're trying to like satisfy me by doing this other thing that we both know you want to talk about but why is that the thing you really don't want to talk about what do you mean i want it i'll talk about anything okay give me five five but i don't have five i really don't yes you do oh people i i'll tell you this i i do think now when you have a big following on social media, you can get a lot more popular when your comedy may not be as developed. Do you think anybody is thinking this is an answer to my question?

I mean, not the community. Okay, name five comedians you're friends with that aren't funny. On social media, you can gain followers. What are you talking about? Dude, you're a very good lawyer. You'd be a very good lawyer. Okay, that's good. Five right now.

I'm a lawyer. Kill my thing. Hey, I'll call you back. I'm on a podcast. He's doing a podcast with Brandon. Alex. Is that Alex? Alex?

Yeah. Ask him what he wants. He's doing a podcast with Brendan Schwab. It's Schwab. Don't say Schwab. I'm saying it wrong? Yes, it's Brendan Schwab.

It's a German name. You could. Hello? Oh, shit. He called you Somehow he found the footage right now on Facebook He's suing me He is? Fuck

He said he got Rogan involved What? Not this again Rogan's involved? Yeah Come take back the phone Don't give it back to him Yeah turn that fucking For God's sake be careful That's an iPhone 16 Rogan's involved? Yeah. Come take back the phone. Don't give it back to him.

Yeah, turn that fucking... For God's sake, be careful. That's an iPhone 16. All right. Okay. Five? I don't have an answer for you. Two. Again, I would never say who I don't think is funny.

It's so mean. Okay, let me phrase it like this. Is Theo Vaughn funny? Yes. He's very funny. Yes. Is your co-host funny? I think my co-host.

You mean on The Fighter and the Kid? You didn't say. I said is Theo Vaughn funny? On The Fighter and the Kid? On The Fighter and the Kid. He's very funny. No, he's not. Oh, come on.

You don't even listen to the podcast. You get your information from the community. Another lawsuit. No. You should be listening to The listen to the podcast. You get your information from the community. Another lawsuit. No. You should be listening to the fighter and the kid. Is this how you expected this episode to go today? Yes. You did?

I did. Well, then good on you for showing up. Come on, bro. We're here, man. I'm sure you're still going to regret it. Let's try to get to the truth. Yeah. Some psychologists say that the left side of the brain is for analytical thinking,

while the right side of the brain Is used for creative purposes What would they say about someone like you Who is missing their brain They would say that I'm all heart All heart Nothing else That's why you don't want to throw your friends under the bus I work from my heart

Unless they're Asian And a little fat and tiny That's a mean way to describe Somebody I love I work from my heart. Unless they're Asian. Unless they're Asian. And a little fat and tiny, yeah. That's a mean way to describe somebody I love. You don't love him. Has Bobby been on his podcast? He has not. I'm trying to get good points with him for him to show up.

He's a good man. I've already accepted. Oh, you're using me to get him. You've been using me to get him on the fucking podcast because he's more popular. He's a way better guest. He's a good guest. He's a good guest. He's a good guest.

He's like top tier guest. I agree with that. The big, the most viral clip we ever had was Bobby. What did somebody record the phone call? No, no. And there were two phone calls,

but listen, hey man, he's bugging me with his phone all the time. Why'd you turn my ringer on? Why are you getting so many phone calls? Hang up the phone. Hang'd you turn my ringer on? Why are you getting so many phone calls? Hang up the phone. Hang it up. All right, let's continue.

Yeah, we'll continue. Okay. Is it possible to eat Ethiopian food? Yes. It is? Yes, because you have to eat it with the spongy bread

that comes with it. So you use your hands. Say again? It comes with a spongy bread that comes with it. So you use your hands. Say again? It comes with a spongy bread and you go like this with it and you eat it like that. Oh. Yeah.

You used to be an actor, right? Well, I'm still an actor, bro. Don't say I used to be like I'm old. Do you think you would have been a more successful actor if you were born talented? I am fucking talented It's just that I chose not to do acting And by the way

I'm a very good actor I could act right now Give me a scenario Go ahead whatever the fuck you want You are really mad at five of your friends Because they're not funny Give them the names Oh dude you're good Go ahead You are really mad at five of your friends because they're not funny. Okay. Give them the names. You guys.

Oh, dude, you're good. Go ahead. Go. None of you guys are fucking funny. Okay. None of you. Every time I see you, I'd rather cry. So you got to get yourself a little more specific and start fucking writing.

See? Yeah. You didn't do the names, though. What names? You're pushing out the names. Hey, John. Steve. No, no.

Real names. Real names. Isaiah. Real names. Unbelievable for the audience. Jeremiah. You guys are not fucking funny. Brendan. pushing out yeah I fuck hey John Steve no no real names real names Isaiah Jeremiah you guys are not fucking funny Brendan why'd you say that why'd you say that

trying to help out Brendan takes too much shit I love him man I feel like you don't he's my he's I'll see him in court

that's so much money, dude. How the fuck do you have that much money? You're young. I don't fucking got any of that. You're making a lot of money. I get like two of those a year. You know what's happening? You're making money off me right now.

This episode might do good. Yeah, it'll do very well. It'll be seen by hundreds of thousands on a brand new platform. What's that platform called? If you say Reddit, I'm going to freak out. We both know it's Reddit. What, am I bullying you?

Damn it. You are bullying me right now. By the way, this whole fucking podcast should be called The Bully Podcast. I don't do this to usual guests. Yeah, and you've been bullying me.

And I'm fucking older than your parents, I guarantee it. You should have more respect. That might be true, yeah. Yeah, I'm probably as old as your grandfather, which is fucked up.

How old is your grandfather? Just around that age, I'm probably as old as your grandfather, which is fucked up. How old is your grandfather? Just around that age, I guess. See? Why don't you take the money? He keeps offering you money. Is that real money? That felt like paper. That's real money.

Unless he's fucking trying to fool me right now. That's probably, I think that's $ money to the unless he's fucking trying to fool me right now you you that's probably i think that's ten thousand dollars no that's thirty thousand that's thirty grand that's thirty grand right there in cash dude man you are fucking rolling well no i get from one of that i got two percent i get like a couple hundred a year that's my you have such a bad manager and a terrible he's a good manager look how much money he's the worst manager and a terrible co-host he's a good manager look how much money he's making he's the worst manager and the worst co-host I've ever been in

ever in my life you deal with the worst co-host every week that's fucking not true why'd you almost laugh at that that's not funny because you don't watch the podcast

so how would you know that I might keep up with you more than you okay who was the last guest Brandon no see fucking I'm wrong

I just got you. You guys can't get guests anymore? We get guests. Yeah, you guys got... We've had some problems, but yeah. Are you... Yeah, but... Things haven't been what they were.

Why do you think that is? Because of some decisions. All right. What are you doing? Is that a victory thing? I'm manifesting bad on you and your family and your kids and your wife and your mother. Why are you doing that? Your hair looks...

You look like a fucking witch right now from that angle. Do you know that? Are you doing... Are you doing gypsy curses? I just said I'm manifesting bad on you. Holy shit. You sound like you're speaking Aramaic. It's really bad energy.

And that guy's fucking laughing. Who? Terrorist Mike or viral flooring? Viral flooring. Viral flooring. Give him all for his money. No, I'm not taking any more money. I'm fucking done with that shit.

All right, dude. I have a fucking step class. Oh, you have a meeting you have to do? Yeah, I have a huge meeting. We already went through all of the bad stuff. Well, don't you have any good... What else can I ask you about? I don't know. Something positive. Okay, let's ask. Well, don't you have any good... What else can I ask you about? I don't know, something positive.

Okay, let's ask something positive. Don't you have any advice? Your co-host wants to pin you down and put his dick in your weed. I already did that. You already did that. That one was written for later, though. Yeah. Well, we got to it.

Do you think the government should provide free dental care so I don't get grossed out when a homeless person opens their mouth? Yes, that I do. Yes. How do you think they'll, uh, you know, I think they should round people up and they should have round them up dentist chairs in the paddy wagon, the paddy wagon. Yes. And I think they should have something before my time. Yeah. Sorry. A paddy wagon is, it goes to when drunk irishmen who are immigrants in new york would get drunk and they put them in what's called the paddy wagon they call them paddies it's a racist thing actually against irish people but it's what what it was or a bigoted thing

which of the seven sins do you embody the most? It's a really good fucking question. Yeah. Let me see if I can get them. Ready? Sure. Lust. Correct.

Avarice. Huh? Like greed. Okay. Pride. Correct. Anger. Yeah, I would guess

that you're a greedy, prideful sloth. And sloth. Let me get to the fucking... Well, I'm just saying what I think you are. I think you... Well, I think you that you're a greedy, prideful sloth. And sloth. You didn't let me get to the fucking... Well, I'm just saying what I think you are. I think you... Well, I think you're more than three, but I'm just getting three in there to make it insane.

I'm not a sloth. Have you seen me with my shirt off, bro? I don't want you to take your shirt off. Okay, but I'm in very good shape. We already did that earlier. Yeah. I know. But I have a nice body.

This is not something a 60-year-old should be saying to a minor. All right, I'm 57. Don't say 60. Don't give me three extra years, bro. I'm just rounding it up. No, that's not fucking... If you don't be rounded, you wouldn't be 50. That's so rude.

So now you're... Okay. When is your birthday? January 26th. It's coming up. Oh, so you wouldn't even... If we rounded even to the fives, you wouldn't even be 55. You'd be 60.

I'm 58. You're right. Okay, but we don't have to do that kind of fucking math. I thought you were going to say, I thought we were done with the negative stuff. Happy early birthday, I hope it's over soon. What would you get me for a birthday present? If you had to.

Oh, that's a good question. What would I get you for your birthday? And don't be a dick. No, I'm going to give you a real answer. Okay. I would give you Reddit gold. I'm not doing that. I'm not pounding you for that. Ow. Don't fucking pound me

when I don't pound you. Don't force pound me. Well, I don't like this. Well, why do you keep bringing up Reddit? You know I'm sensitive about that. That's why. And why'd you call it the community? I'm part of it. I feel like I'm in a community. You're a part of the Reddit community? Come on, we did this already. I am the fucking leader.

I started it with that email. Fucking Matan. You finally figured it out after all this time. And this is fucking where I'm at now. In this white portal. In this fucking... Surrounded by sheets. What are you doing?

You're checking your phone in the middle of our fucking interview? No, I'm not. I'm pulling up a video. How much would somebody have to pay you to live under this guy? Drew McIntyre rides in the mail.

No! Drew McIntyre. It's here! Help! Help! Help! How much would he have to give you to live under that guy? Well, if he grew his hair out,

I think it would really bring out the best features of his face. That's not me. If that's what you're implying. No, I know who that was. Who was that? That was Pizza Eater. That was who?

That was the pizza chomper. No, that was Mike. The guy I just showed you was Dimension 7. Yo. Oh, so that's not the same guy? You thought that was the same. The guy I just showed you was Dimension 7. Yo. Oh, so that's not the same guy? You thought that was the same guy? I did. No.

Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, he gets that. Sometimes Mike Mike, they say he looks like him and long neck. Yeah, I would never say that. Do you know long neck? I know what long pig is. We'll talk about long neck in just a couple minutes. Okay, you know what long pig is?

Probably not. So long pig is what you call human flesh when you eat it. If you're a cannibal, you go, I want some long pig. Well, we're not, you know,

okay. I'm just saying you said long neck. And I thought, I'm saying like you, you say all that weird shit on that other podcast. Let's keep it. I'm just educating you. And it's the,

the other podcast is the fighter and the kid. No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm saying it's a beloved podcast except for by the community.

No, I was saying when you're talking about like animals and like human flesh that's more for save that for friday okay if you i'll give you money if you bring me with you bring me like in a costume you mean to the fighter and a kid no to oh then i'll do you need to rogan same offer if i brought you to rogan i dressed you up like a furry or something and you just didn't say anything like you were him yeah that'd be kind of cool Right If you were just next to me

I'll shut down the whole Reddit I'll shut it down You will Yeah If I bring you on Rogan I'll do it Dude We have a deal

But how are you gonna shut down the Reddit Look me in the eye I own it I started it And I tricked you So you're like the leader of all of them I don't wanna So if you were like Put that tag to... So if you were like...

Put that tag on me. So if you were like, stop. It would just stop? No, I could just stop. Maz ban all of it. I don't use Reddit. Well, no, no. You don't fucking have a lot of power for a kid your age, dude.

No. I still don't believe you're 17. I think you're 21. 21? I mean, that's not really a big difference. It's like 57 and 60 How much did he give you? Oh dude It's a really bad way to treat money

Yeah it's not mine anyways I don't give a fuck about his money He stole it from me He did? Okay, I feel like this is going pretty well. Sir, sir. Long neck is here. Long neck is here? Long neck is here.

Okay. Oh my, are we done? Long neck is here, we have to get you out of here. All right. That it? Long neck is here. Please be cool to long neck, tell him some jokes.