The Matan Show - Gavin McInnes Reveals The Truth About Vice...

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Hello everybody and welcome back to the podcast. For today's guest, we have Gavin McInnes. Welcome in. Now you can come sit in the middle right there. For today's co-host, we have Mike. He's been here for a while, so no need to walk in. He's just chilling. How you doing? Please grab that mic, pull it closer to you, and then just introduce yourself for anybody who might not know you. Hi, my name's Gavin McInnes. I started Vice Magazine, Proud Boys, Hipsters. I gentrified Brooklyn. Gentrified? Yeah.

What do you mean? You turned it what color? Well, I guess white if we're going to get into color. I don't do color. But before my company took over Williamsburg, Brooklyn, it was a total dangerous shithole. And now it's yuppieville. And so you think most people know you from which one right now probably proud boys and what's that for anybody who might not know it's a men's club a drinking

club a funny club where guys hang out and get hammered and and you know try to improve themselves like like all men's clubs really it's it's indistinguishable from you know Knights of Columbus or the Elks Lodge or something like that. Or the Triple K. The KKK? Yeah. I mean, I guess it's similar in that the KKK have a lot of barbecues and hanging out. Are you still part of the Proud Boys or no?

I don't answer that question. Why not? It's private. Private question? Yeah. Like private for just this podcast or private for like all online? I don't think people

should have to answer whether they're in clubs or not. Yeah, I don't think you should either. I'm just curious. If you don't want to say it, that's fine. If you don't think I should,

why would you ask? Oh, I think you should, but if you don't want to, that's fine. You just said, I don't think you should either. I don't think I said that. I'm pretty sure you did. I don't believe so. Is that accent your accent or are you doing a guy? No, that's fine you said you just said i don't think you should either i don't think i said that i'm pretty sure you did i don't believe is that accent your accent are you doing a guy

no that's my real accent a lot of people think it's fake though for some reason did that guy just giggle who the passed out guy no um i think he just had a little too much to drink are you is like your uncle israeli and you're doing your uncle or something? No, no poo Okay But okay. Well for anybody who doesn't know him you've started vice which is like a news magazine Sort of thing. I don't think you're a part of that anymore No, I left in oh wait, and then he also started the proud boys which I guess from what I've read online is more so like I

Read that you're not part of it anymore. But what I also read is that it's like a far right it's similar to Antifa well actually one of the things we decided to do was beat up Antifa they were attacking conservative speakers it started with me actually they attacked me at an NYU talk they pepper sprayed me and we're why do what did you do nothing it's it's really the narrative of the left. What they do, the DNC does, is they use the media to vilify certain people and turn them into

monsters and it works. And so then they either hire protesters or organic protesters show up and they beat you up, they attack you, they throw shit at you because they think you're a fascist and they think fascism exists. So you guys were like Antifa to fight Antifa yeah well it was more like fuck around and find out like that wasn't our goal but

if you want to fight yeah we'll fight and and the right as there's a lot of pussies on the right so we were the first ones to say yeah we will we will pick up the torch if you want to throw it do you ever travel to Washington DC yes many times when was the last time you were there? I was there for the insurrection. Oh, you were there? Yeah, I started it. That's what I was getting at. Oh, why did you do that? I wanted to take over the government. I was there in disguise. I haven't been caught yet. You wanted to take over or you wanted to like play? Well, I brought the cowboys there in the hundreds and our plan was a full takeover of the government.

We had a guy that was going to handle education. We had a guy that was going to handle energy. What would you guys be teaching? It would be like the same as 1980s America, so a Reagan-esque kind of a thing. And we had a plan to take over. We were going to do it by 3 p.m. because we had an engagement at 3. Four times four, it's what?

It's 16. Okay. Awesome. Why do you have such a nice clothing on? You're more well-dressed for this than I think any other guest has shown up in. Yeah, well, people look like shit these days. I mean, look at your fucking sound guy. He's dressed like an eraser.

What is on your head? Which one? This guy. Mike, Mike? He looks dressed like an eraser. What is on your head? Which one? This guy. Mike Mike? He looks pretty shitty too, but you wear shorts and a t-shirt because it's warm out, and then you have a wool hat on. Do you think I look nice though?

You look like a Maoist. A Maoist? What is that? Oh, the pro Mao Zedong? Yeah, you look like a communist from 1940. Are you pro-China or anti-China? I'm anti-China. I do not like China. I lived there for a while.

Well, in Taiwan. But I'm not... I don't like... Are you pro-Taiwan or like you want China to take it over? I'm pro-Taiwan, yeah. Oh, okay. You have three children, right? Yes.

How much would somebody have to pay you to excommunicate one of them? I don't like talking about my kids. I wouldn't... No money, obviously. Would you rather one of your sons takes the lives of 10 innocent people or becomes a liberal? Let's not do my sons. I don't do kids. You just want to move past them?

But I know what you're getting at. And being a liberal, if my kids were liberal, I would live with it. I mean, most kids are liberal. That would be okay with you? They say if your kid isn't a socialist when they're young, they have no heart. And if they're not a conservative when they're old, they have no brain. So you can't really get mad at kids for being socialists. They're just stupid.

So you would prefer that your kids are liberal when they're younger? I don't really care. If they were conservative, would you be happier? We should drop the kid stuff. Not your kids. Would you prefer kids, like just random kids to be conservative or liberal? Not yours specifically. Well, obviously I want everyone to be conservative, but I don't really care what children's politics are.

They're like women. They shouldn't be. Do you think women should be allowed to vote or no? Women should be allowed to vote. They shouldn't vote. Why not? They suck at politics. They're too emotional.

They fall for shit like first black woman. They're gullible. And they're supposed supposed to be they're supposed to be agreeable you know when a woman sees her kid draw a shitty horse she's supposed to go oh that's a good horse when we see it as dads we go that sucks oh you want you so you think you need to be a little tougher on it and like i think men are genetically meaner and more rational and we're better at math. We're just like, this is the way it's going to go, even if there's a refugee on the beach who's four. One five plus eight, real quick.

One five plus eight? Five plus eight. Five plus eight is probably 13. Okay. That was right. I had to think about it for a second. You know, it's funny you say that because I was talking yesterday with Anthony Cumia

and I was like, how many Americans do you think know what 8 times 7 is? 8 times 7? Yeah. That's like 140, no? It's 141, yeah. But how many, like, does Corinne Jean-Pierre know that? Who's that?

The press secretary. Corinne Jean-Pierre? I call her Corinne, but she's Corinne Jean-Pierre. I have no idea. Is she French or something? Yeah, I think her roots are probably Haitian. Haitian? Yeah.

And what does she eat? She eats jumbo. Jumbo? Yeah. What is that in reference? Jambalaya. Jambalaya? Why?

I'm guessing at this point, but maybe she grew up in New Orleans. Maybe she likes that kind of shit. Oh, why? What state is New Orleans in? It's in Louisiana. How long have you lived in America, or how long has your character lived in America? Oh, I've been here all my life. I was born in Los Angeles. Oh, okay.

I'm not a character, by the way. Okay. I'm for real. Yeah. Would you consider starting a new version of the Proud Boys called the Proud Fellows? No, I did start another club though called the butt boys. Oh I saw a clip. I don't know if this is insulting but when I was researching for this podcast I saw a clip of you shoving something up your ass on livestream. Yeah, what was the content?

I couldn't find the context behind that what was the all the context was Hillary Clinton Clinton was dancing and She was dancing really badly and I go, she dances like she's got something up her ass. And then you shove something up her ass? And then I said, I bet I could dance better than her

with something up my ass. And we'd had a lot of porn stars on the show so there was a series of free butt plugs. So I grabbed... So it was actually something that like...

So are you a little gay or no? No, I'm not gay. You think most... I didn't really put it up my ass. I put it like in the area and then I started dancing

and I was dancing better than her even with something up my ass. i've done a lot you think most like straight men put up their ass and then start dancing uh i would say probably i'm the only one who's ever done it i i literally i think that none of them have done it yet yeah i kind of want to do that from a life goal is to do cliches like i want to literally throw a wiener down a hallway. I have eaten cornflakes that I pissed in. You know that expression? Who pissed in your cornflakes?

I've never heard that. Like, the cereal? Yeah. You peed in them and you ate them? Yeah. Do you think there's something wrong with your brain, possibly? I'm just incredibly funny. But why didn't you just use apple juice?

Well, that wouldn't be real. You've got to keep it real. Why wouldn't you start one called the Proudfellas, by the way? It doesn't have a good ring to it. Yeah, but you started one for white people. Why don't you start one for African-American people? The Proud Boys are a multicultural club. Anybody can join it?

Blacks, whites. But there's only white people in it. That's not true. There are black people in it, but they don't want to be in it. It's like if they're not in it, you know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean. You don't understand the implication? They hate being in it?

I think they don't want to be in it, but they have no option. So they're just there for the food? They're there because otherwise they might get attacked or something. Oh, so it's self-preservation. What about the gay Proud Boys or the Jewish Proud Boys? Where are they at? Well, I guess the founder is gay a little bit. That's okay.

But that's kind of besides the point. I wasn't talking about the proud gays or nothing. I was talking about the proud fellows. I'm in New York right now, and i'm seeing like you know when i walk around it's like more more cultural here than los angeles for every race here so it's like you could probably have an accent if you're born in la i've just been working on it for a while okay you're dressing the suits to look professional but i have to like work on other things okay Is your uncle happy that you can mimic him so profoundly? Oh, no.

I don't. I'll talk about my family. That's fine. But I don't like him. So I just have to. It depends who you're talking about. Are you Israeli? Is that the thing?

So Muslim. No. Palestinian? No, I'm Jewish. Oh, okay. How many Jewish Proud Boys are there? There was Proud Boys Israel. What, just like a segmented part of it?

Yeah, well, there's chapters all over the world. Oh, okay, so there were Proud Boys in Israel? Yes. And who were they fighting? They weren't fighting. Well, you said that the Proud Boys were there to fight Antifa. No, I didn't. I said if Antifa wants to fight, there's a group that's happy to take them on.

But that's not the goal. The goal of the club is just a club. The other group I was trying to tell you about are the Butt Boys, where we don't let people butt in line. So if you're on the plane... Oh, I thought it was like the Butt Boys, like the straight conservatives that shove stuff up their ass. No, no, no, no.

That's an unfortunate misunderstanding with that name. Maybe we should change it. Did you start that name after or before? You don't let people go if they're behind you. Did you start the butt boy's name before or after? The butt boys are new. No, but did you start it before or after that? Why did you kick him?

That's his cue to wake up? No, I didn't kick him. Yeah, you did. I saw you. That didn't happen. I'm pretty sure I saw you cue him to... He's not even awake. He just went back to sleep.

Okay. He probably just... I accidentally touched him with my foot and that was like a little... No, it was a cue. It was a cue. For what? He's back to sleep. You want that?

You want to drink what's left in there? No. This is like between two ferns, I guess. What's that? Nothing. Do you have any advice for women who want to be stay-at-home moms while going to college and working two jobs? Yes. Become a waitress or a barmaid

in a nice part of town, like a financial district, and you will meet a man that way. Get off OnlyFans and sleep with your boss is another good piece of advice if you do have to work like that. Why?

Because you want to get married. Wouldn't you be against sleeping with the boss? Isn't that kind of sleeping with the boss? Isn't that kind of against the conservative values? Well, I kind of give up on conservative values. You don't believe in them anymore? No, I do. But the first person you sleep with should be your husband.

But that's not realistic. That doesn't happen. But wouldn't you still strive for that? Or you're trying to stay... Yeah, you strive for that. But I'm dealing with the reality of the situation. So yes, I strive for marry your high school sweetheart, get pregnant, get married, you know, only fuck one person. But

we're here on earth in 2024. So I say, you know, ladies, if you're 25, stop dating DJs, musicians, artists. Start looking at someone who's ambitious. They don't have to be rich. Why did you leave Vice after working there for almost 15 years? I just became incompatible.

I've always been an edgy bro. But didn't you own it? I owned a third of it. Oh, so there were two other founders? Yes. And did they, like, remove you or you left? Or it was mutual? I would say they removed me, sure. Are you embarrassed by that or you're like fine with it? I'm embarrassed by it. Why? Well, I lost. You wanted to stay there. Well, I wanted, I didn't want it to go where it was going. I wanted it to stay edgy and punk rock and weird.

And they wanted to merge with Viacom. Because now a lot of people know Vice is like super liberal. Yeah. Like beyond like even just left leaning, like they've wrote like weird pieces on me before. Oh, really? Yeah. Before,

I'm not sure if you saw what i did at the game awards a year and a half ago but yeah i did that was great yeah so i did that and then they wrote an article saying i was like anti-semitic or something but i'm jewish and they said i was anti-semitic because i had yeezys on which is pretty obscure like a radical thing to say so i don't know i would just you have no part in that? No. After I left, the sales guy took over, my childhood friend, Shane Smith, and he was the sales guy. And he said, all right, what's making the most money? What makes the most money is the girl dollar, the pink dollar, they call it. And girls are into woke politics. Okay, we're into woke politics. And it made them a lot of dough.

So you're saying they're trying to appeal more to women now? Well, you say now. They're toast, aren't they? No one even knows what Vice is anymore. Like, is it a magazine? I didn't really know much about it until I saw that article and then I looked it up. I was like, oh, okay.

Did it hurt your feelings? It was pretty weird because I wasn't really, like, making any videos back then. I had just done that one thing. And then I went home and then I saw, like, all these articles. There were different ones. And that one was like really specific.

I think maybe they reached out for an interview after about it. I'm not doing that. How old are you? I'm 17. But back then I was like 15. Oh, okay. Hey, guys. Sorry for the quick interruption.

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Would you rather vote for RFK jr. With or without the worm in his brain Without the worm in his brain why not I don't think you should have worms in your brain They make you talk like you're about to cry. Oh Was that an RFK impression? impression yeah that was an rfk impression he he always he talks like he's just been crying for over an hour and he's finally uh willing to to discuss what made him cry so hard for so long that was really good can you look at the camera and just say like um what should you say say um rfk jr it's an official endorsement RFK jr. Is in is endorsing RFK X Matan Evan crypto

Okay, I am RFK jr. And I'm officially endorsing Mata RFK jr. Crypto Awesome. I'm just gonna like cut him in with a I just put put long neck right there and RFK and then we're gonna let's do it Yeah, gonna go mega viral. Do you feel any regret towards founding the Proud Boys? Not at all. Greatest fraternal

organization in the world. You know what no one talks about is the number of rings that have been put on women's fingers and the number of babies that have been made thanks to that club. I mean, a big part of it is stop partying so much and, you know, get serious. Get your shit together.

Wouldn't you say that maybe there would be more children had they, you know what I mean, just gone to parties? If your goal was strictly having more people... No, getting married is my goal. More American families. Okay, marriage over kids. Marriage and kids.

No sense in getting married without kids. That's stupid. Well, I'm saying... Would you rather somebody gets married with no kids, essentially, or they have kids, but it's just separated parents? No, I'd rather you have kids in a marriage. No, well, I'm asking between the two. It's not... I know which one you ideal kids in a marriage. No, well, I'm asking between the two. It's not...

I know which one you idealize. I agree. I think it's better if the parents are together and married, but that's not really what I'm asking. I guess I'd rather they had kids than just get married. I don't know. How much was the most expensive flintlock pistol auctioned for? $525,000?

$850,000? Or $1.25 million? $1.25 mil. Wrong. Again, try again. $525,000 or $850,000? I'm going to go with $525,000. Wrong again. You actually got it double wrong. Look, I had a little exclamation point next to the right one. $850,000. Can I see the question next time? Then you're going to know which is the answer. Yeah. You want to know the answer? I want to look smart on TV.

Well, every time you say something smart, we're just cutting it out and replacing it with RFK Jr. I don't think that's reasonable. I think you're trying to frame me. You know his sister talks like that? He goes it's from vaccines or something. You go, wait a minute. Why does your sister also have that crybaby thing? She talks like that he goes it's from vaccines or something you go wait a minute why does your sister also have that cry baby thing she talks like that too yeah well why it sounds like the crying team but it also sounds i don't know like there's just something stuck in

his throat yeah it's really unfortunate it lost him you know a lot of votes i you don't think when the family like i think maybe gained him votes love rfk jr but the the inbreeding voice thing is kind of hard to overlook you don't think that it... But when the family... I think it maybe gained him votes, though. I love RFK Jr., but the inbreeding voice thing is kind of hard to overlook. You don't think that it gained him votes, though? Maybe people felt bad. They thought, like, he's like a real guy. It was a real issue, though?

No, women vote with their vaginas. That's why Justin Trudeau keeps getting elected, because he's a hunk. Well, what about, like... A retarded hunk. Trump and Biden. Women voted for Biden because they hate Trump. And they hate Trump because he represents daddy issues.

He represents all the guys they couldn't get in high school that made fun of them for being fat. He represents everything they hate about me. Who are you voting for? I imagine you're voting for Trump or you're doing like a... Yes. Or I thought maybe you were voting for Jill Stein. Just who? Jill Stein. No, I'm not.

Why not? I'm voting for Trump. I think that the way I go about things for the election is I realize that my vote doesn't really matter. Like on a one-to-one person, you know what I mean? My single vote's not going to change it. Also, I can't... But you're an influencer. I can't even...

You can make a lot of... No, no, I'm saying I can't even vote anyway Cuz I'm 17 So what I do is I go to like protests where there's like people on both sides Or I just go to like debate conferences and I'm really encouraging the Democrats to vote for Jill Stein Okay, that works because I'm trying to trick them. You know what I mean? Yeah, they're they're not voting for Trump But if they're not voting for the actual don't give away your strategy They're not gonna figure it out. Anyways, if they're dumb enough to vote for Jill Stein. Okay. Do you think if the planes missed the Twin Towers, the bombs would have went off anyways? I don't know. I've changed my mind about

9-11 over the years. I used to hate truthers, but now I'm open to truth is like people who say 9-11 was a inside job the ones who say it's thermite thermite like the little ants that eat metal yes they said it was termites termites yeah hey they typed it so perfectly that the termites eventually ate through the I beams at the exact perfect time yeah that's how did they do it? Well, the allegation is that an Israeli art troupe was there. No, how did they get that many thermites? Oh, you put sugar on the I-beams?

No, but... Liquid sugar? Honey they love? I don't know. I'm trying to think how that's possible. I don't think... I don't know. I tell you what I do believe. I do believe the government knew that there was a risk and they said, yes, let's ignore it. I think they thought there'd be like 100 casualties. Like October 7th. I think Israel allowed that to happen.

Why is it that when I go on your website, it redirects me to win a free iPhone if I pay $30 for 30 cents for shipping? I got 800 grand for that hack. 800? You lost 800 or you made shipping? I got a 800 grand for that hack. 800. You lost 800 or you made money from that hack? And so do you are you just making money based off the shipping? Or do you start charging the cards after I charge the cards after I well, what I really the real money is in the information, the personal information. So people put in their their home address and their income. And then I sell that to various Chinese companies. Who do you sell it to, Vice? Or do you think that the Chinese are putting those little nanobots

in the Chinese chicken salad? Absolutely. And what do you think they do after, once you eat them? I think they track you and they sell that information to themselves. I'm trying to think. Maybe they go up your ass. Yeah. Why not?

It's possible. I did a great card trick once with my asshole. I bought like a whole pile of cards, and I got like a whole stack of ace of spades. Like the ace card? Yes. Or like the gun? No, no, the ace card.

I rolled it up. I put put in a condom i put it up my ass and then i did a card trick on the street you can find this online it's called street carnage street magic and and you're like 100 sure you're not gay yeah so why do you why is there like a long history of you putting stuff up your ass. I think it's a great place for humor. I think it could be funny, but I think just, I understand the idea of having integrity and really actually doing a joke. But then again, I think sometimes people just will say it's to fulfill the joke when they actually just want to shove something up their ass.

And using that as an excuse. You just reminded me, that's why I ate the pissed cornflakes because while we were walking to the spot to do the trick, I was in a bad mood. And people go, what's up your ass? You do act grumpy when something's up your ass. So that colloquialism makes sense. And that's why I said, okay, when people say who pissed in your cornflakes, I'm going to try that. It doesn't really make you grumpy. When you eat pissed cornflakes, it burns your tongue like it's really acidic urine.

I think that's just maybe yours. Were you drinking your own piss? Yes. I don't know. I haven't drank in my own piss, but I don't know if it would be like acidic, you know, start burning my mouth. Try it. It will burn your mouth. But I imagine you think that like LGBT should be at least legally allowed?

Sure. What are you going to do, throw them in jail? They'll love it. I don't think we need it. Why would they like it? Because they get f***ed. Are you projecting? No, no.

I actually interviewed a guy who went to jail and loved getting f***ed. I think his name was Donnie, and he was in the magazine Answer Me by Jim Goad. And what does Donnie stand for, Gavin? No, no. Do you think it's discrimination to refuse to hire a deaf person to edit the audio on my podcast? No, that's a reasonable thing to do, because you want to be able to hear. Do you think that he would be able to sue me or not? Because I keep seeing

there's this act that makes you hire disabled people into a company. Just lie. Just go. Sorry, it's not working out. We don't have room. Mike, be quiet. Do not, Mike, do not put your finger up his ass We're gonna move on

Do you think it's a coincidence That the people who see UFOs Always happen to talk to angels and wizards too I didn't know that was a pattern Oh big one Yeah Oh yeah Well they're probably mentally ill.

Do you see UFOs? No, never seen a UFO. I don't believe in aliens. In fact, if aliens exist, I no longer believe in God and I'm no longer Christian. But you are religious. Yeah. Do you think your actions match that pattern? Yes.

Okay, but if you saw aliens, why would that destroy your belief in God? Because we have to be His special ones. We have to be the chosen ones, I guess. We have to be the special people. Do you believe that about your race and gender as well or no? It just goes with just the human race?

Human beings are... So all human beings? All human beings are magic. God likes them. We're in his image. And if he has another family, like aliens, then he's not my dad anymore. I disown him. I think it's another projection.

Who do you think is generally more intelligent between liberals and conservatives? That's a tricky question because the metric for intelligence is bizarre and it involves post-secondary education. So I'm sure on paper, more educated people vote left, but the definition of educated is retarded and it involves, you know, having a liberal arts degree and all this other useless crap, reading the New Yorker, like shitheads, really. So modern intellectuals are fucking idiots. Why do you think the left people are more educated?

What? Why do you think the left people are more educated? Because the definition of education is gay and retarded. I'm just saying, why do they go to, like, the colleges more? Because, like, colleges have the stereotype of just being super liberal. So why do you think that is? I think because you get more numbers that way. Like conservatives are very conservative with education.

So you need to know what 8 times 7 is. You need to, if you're a teacher. What's the answer? 56. 56? You told me it was 141. It changed. It changed? It goes down.

So if I asked you just like quick math questions, you'd be able to get it? Well, it's really hard to do math on camera for some reason. I don't know why. Okay, what's 11 times 13? 11 times 11 is 100. See? Come on. You got to get it.

I took too long. You're still... Time is ticking. 130 plus 11, 141. 11 times 11 is 130? No, 11 times 11 is 121. Okay, so what's 11 times 13? Right, so I'm doing 13 times 10 first.

Okay. And then I'm adding 11, so 141. I didn't think about it. I was just trying to confuse you. Okay. Are you planning on learning Hebrew to prepare for the future? No, I don't like Hebrew. Why not?

I think all Middle Eastern languages are disgusting. There's too much phlegm involved. Do you think I have that in the way I speak or that's just with the actual languages? Yeah, your accent is not pleasant to the ear. Would you rather learn like Arabic or Farsi or Hebrew? I'm not a big fan of the Arab world. You don't like Arabs? No. Why not?

I'm not a fan of Islam. Why not? Well, it started with 9-11, but I think that they're... You don't think you're just generalizing him a little bit? I think they're totally incompatible with the West. They're the only religion that's incompatible with the West. You wrestle with people a lot? No, not really.

I mean, I guess I did when I was younger. But, you know, I fight pretty regularly. Oh, you, like, train combat sports? Yeah, I box. And you've ever boxed professionally or no? No, I'm 54. I don't have the cardio for that. But there's like all of the influencers now and like YouTubers and people like that fighting each other.

Yeah, I guess I would do that. Would you fight like, who would you fight? Well, I would hope they'd be my age and my weight class and my experience. You wouldn't want it to be like just somebody else on the opposite side of the police no have you ever been knocked out no i've never been in a fight before dude being knocked well that's unfortunate but being knocked out is one of the weirdest things you wake up you know your name sort of you know your wife's name kind of you know she's important didn't know i had kids Didn't know who my kids were. For how long did that last? 45 minutes.

Well, no, sorry. So they're not knowing your kids. I don't think that's getting knocked out. I think you actually got brain damage. Because when the people get knocked out in the UFC, unless it's a really bad knockout, they're not out for like... I mean, for 45 minutes probably,

they're confused, but I think they probably know. Yeah, that's what I meant. I was confused for 45 minutes. And you know the other thing? You know when someone punches you in the arm, you can feel where their fist was? Yeah. I could feel the shape of my brain because I guess it bounced off the skull. It was, like, throbbing.

Like, I could feel that actual blob. I could feel it. Did somebody just, like, sucker punch you or you were in a fight? I was in a fight. That's online, too. It's called I Got Knocked the Fuck Out and it was in Oakland, California. They set me up. Some biker gang set me up with this fucking absolute beast named Meatball who's dead now.

Really? Are you happy about that or no? No. I think God likes to vanquish my enemies and he misunderstood that one. He didn't realize it was voluntary. Would you say that Mike is your enemy? Who's Mike? The co-host, Mike.

Yes. Why? I don't know. I'm jealous of his body. Well, I was just implying it because I don't know if you'd call him dead or what's up with him, but he's certainly there. Hey, guys, sorry for the quick interruption. I have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Sheath. They are an underwear brand that has previously sponsored me and given me some money in the past

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You want to blow into a little vaporizer thing? Sure, yeah. You have one? A vaporizer thing? I don't know what it's called. A breathalyzer. Breathalyzer. Yeah, don't breathe into a vaporizer thing? Sure, yeah. You have one? A vaporizer thing? I don't know what it's called. A breathalyzer. Breathalyzer. Yeah, don't breathe into a vaporizer thing.

Why not? Because you'll vaporize. No, no. Maybe he will vaporize the thing. Yeah, so don't do that. Breathalyzer. Don't you fucking dare. Why not?

Because I'll beat the shit out of you. I have like 40 people right there. Yeah. Well, then it's on. Don't do it, dude. Can I do it? Do not do it. Why not?

Because I'll go to jail for beating the shit out of you. I know, but it would make for an epic moment. Yeah, well, we'd both probably go to jail. And I don't know if you've been in the jails here in New York. It's like two days out of your life.

Can I try it, please? Nope. I've never done it before. Nope. It would cover me in that shit. It fucking reeks. It would ruin my $2,000 suit. That's $2,000?

Yep. I'll give you... I don't have two grand for you, but I... Well, then the discussion's off the table. I'll give you half of that Sprite over there on the floor. Yeah, I'll give you that fire hydrant in your face if you fucking... I can't do it?

You better not. I'm thinking about it. You would really regret it. I would permanently disfigure you. I can't do it? You cannot do it. How much... What wouldure you. I can't do it? You cannot do it. How much, what would I have to give you to make it acceptable? Five grand cash?

You would do it for five grand? Yeah. So what, so what, so why not now? You really need five grand? Well, yeah. How much money do you have? I need, I have tons of money. you have? I have tons of money. How much?

I have $10 million. For real? Yeah. How much did they pay you out when you left Vice? About that. About $10 million. So you went like this, like... Just been on the downwards?

No, no. It's gone... It's very expensive being in New York. I mean, I've bought... You just like stabilized that like 10? No, I've probably spent 5 million and made 5 million. I do real estate. I sold an ad agency.

I'm a very successful businessman despite. I can pay you back in like reparations. I'll do like $20 a month. No. But I'll give you 5,500 if I can do it right now. $20 a month. I don't care about that kind of trickle payment. I need the cash in a paper bag. It's less about the fighting. I just wanted to get you. Why not? Why can't you spray me with a fire extinguisher? Yeah. I think I explained pretty clearly it would ruin my suit. Yeah,'s also very demeaning I'm allowing a 17 year old to to demean me

in a public forum I would never allow if we turn off the camera would you let me do it no I don't care that much about the cameras you're still a man demeaning me can we get a woman to do it that's even worse what if we get a little guy? Like a midget? I guess. No, that's still a man. Who would you prefer to do it? I wouldn't let anyone demean me.

I don't think anyone should. If you had to let somebody... You've got to stand up for yourself. Sure, but if you had to let somebody spray you with that fire hydrant, who would you want to do it? I guess my wife, maybe? No, no, I'm saying like a random person. Like a little kid, a woman, a man. Billy Idol. Who? Billy Idol. No, not a specific person, just an archetype

of a person. You're asking me who I would want to demean me, and the answer is nobody. Well, I don't know why you made it demeaning. It's demeaning to be sprayed with a fire extinguisher. I think that you've done more demeaning things than that yeah voluntarily on my own yeah why don't you voluntarily get sprayed i'm not saying like they do it to you without you myself you'll do that right now imagine how how smart you'd be if you convinced me to spray myself with a fire extinguisher after all this can you be a fucking genius would you do it that would go correct come on that would that's going to be a moment that I don't even know if anybody would watch it, but come on.

You should do it. You almost got me. That was good. Listen, I know I'm not the greatest convincer, and I don't have any money for you, but come on. That's not demeaning at all. That's awesome. You almost got me.

That was good. Are you considering it? No, now I'm crying. Are you sure? Oh, I... No, I'm not sure. I have a deal for you. Okay. We have Long Neck coming in in a couple minutes.

Who's Long Neck? He's the next guest coming in. Yeah, it's Dan. Who is that? Oh, Long is that Oh long neck yeah that one oh the the viral guy I don't know how you want to describe him I don't know if we're talking about the right guy a guy with a long neck oh yeah he has a long neck he has a long neck but he's coming in in a minute uh-huh so he a little um like he has a long neck and he's a little skinny yeah so what we're doing is we have him stuck in the elevator right now and he doesn't have the strength to press the emergency button so he keeps pressing it but it's not working so it's like imagine you have to push this down just touching it just go so he keeps doing that he's

not getting far so we're're going to let him in. And if you spray yourself with that, I'll let you spray him. If you spray yourself with that, it's not demeaning. But when you get him, he might just collapse. It's the symbolism. I mean, one of the things I stand for is fighting for what's right and standing up for yourself. But what's wrong with this? Dude, you have half my IQ and you're a third of my age i

think i'm much much more intelligent yeah oh yeah so you're not going to convince me to demean myself with a fire extinguisher but i'm not listen if i wanted to be like an asshole i could have got just people to do it to you i'm trying to be nice and chill about it true okay can i ask you a question yes if i do it will you do it yes if Yes. If I do it, will you do it? Yes. If I pray myself, you'll do it? Yes. Can you do it first?

No. How do I know you're not lying? You don't. See, but I've never lied in my life. Is that the fashion with young people now? Is this communist, like, 1940s? No, I'm not a communist. I know, but I noticed, like, there's some Arab

who has a special on HBO right now, and he wears a beanie like that, and he has a shirt like that. I think, but I noticed like there's some Arab who has a special on HBO right now and he wears a beanie like that and he has a shirt like that. I think that's the fashion now. This jacket? Communism, yeah. You're just saying this one specifically? Generally, it seems to be the fashion trend with young people. You want to trade jackets? No. I'll trade

jackets with you if you spray yourself with the fire hydrant. The fire hydrant. You're like blacks with your grammar. Okay, listen. Well, we have to end it here because we have to let Long Neck out because we turned the AC up in the elevator. And he's just... He's freezing in there. No, it's...

Oh, no. I'm saying we turned it really hot. Oh, okay. Yeah. You turned up the AC really hot. Whatever. Yeah, we made it like 90 degrees and then we sent him to the bottom floor. Oh, okay So he thought it was gonna be cold. You know what I mean underground? Yeah, and then we made it really hard

So I don't even know if he's alive anymore, but we need to go check on him That's it. You want to go get him out of the elevator? I'll get him. Okay. Do we say bye here? That's it. That's the podcast. We actually do have to film with Long Neck. Are you just stepping on him? No, I'm sorry.

Don't step on him. Okay. Because if you do that to Long Neck, he'll beat your ass.