The Matan Show - Jeff Wittek Gets Mad After Matan Makes Fun Of His Eye

Episode Date: June 28, 2026

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Spotify, it's Jay Shetty. Are you one of those media strategy people? Scrolling through spreadsheets, searching for an audience that pays twice as much attention to your ads than they do on social? Let me introduce you to fans. And they're here with me on Spotify. Trust me, I know fans. They don't skip. They stay for hours.

They don't move on. They manifest. They're not a demographic group. They're fans. Spotify advertising. You're among fans. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast for today's guest. We have one-eyed Widdick. Welcome in.

Thank you. Thanks for coming. Good to see you, Matan. Otherwise known by his nickname, Jeff Wittick. Yeah, thanks for having me. It's good to see you. Big fan of Matan. For today's co-host, we have Mike. Welcome in Mike. Can we put him next to me? Yeah, he's going to sit over there. All right.

Introduce yourself. For anybody who might not know you and all that one. I'm Jeff. I used to do YouTube a lot, and I passed a torch down to Matan. I'm a big fan of his. I had him on my show about a year ago. I told him I would do his show. He's been calling me for about every week since then. You owe it to me and you've been wasting my time. I owe it to him and honestly I appreciate his work.

He does good work. He does good writing. That's why you're here because I do good writing? He's a very talented comic. I think he's very young and up and coming. But introduce yourself, not me. They know who I am. Everybody now they come on my show

and every guest tries flattering me before we start. Let's get to it. How much would I have? have to pay you to fly around on a rope connected to the end of an excavator I told you we're not going to talk about that today You can't talk about that? We can't talk about anything related to that I don't even know

What uh, you're getting at To be honest Let's try it again Now's the time Come on and wreck the whole set If you hit me if I get another accident With another one of these fucking things in my other eye It's gonna be bad

It's gonna be bad Oh my eye my eye my eye That's how it ends You know what? You know what? You better fucking watch it because all the dumb shit you do in your videos, it's all going to come back and get you. Right now, you're in sunshine and rainbows phase. This is all, this is all the honeymoon phase. That's what the rabbis keep telling me. One year, two years in. Are you a rabbi? Three years in. To my show?

No, I'm not a rabbi, but I can see sort of what's the trajectory for you in your career. You want to keep fucking around? It's going to end bad for you. I have karmic justice coming? Huh? Carmic justice? Karma? I can't tell what you. getting it. I don't understand. I have karma coming to me. But why would you do that? Leave it, Mike. Please leave it. Leave it. Leave it or I'm going to get up and smash everything. Please. He's fixing the angle. Oh, sorry. I'm bum. Good man. Sorry about that. I apologize. But why would you do that? That was a special gift. I was actually going to give it to you. I appreciate it. I'll grab it. I'm going to let you keep that, Jeff.

Thank you, Matan. It's a nice gesture. I just maybe took it the wrong way when I first had it presented to me with the most traumatic moment in my life. You know. But that's what the show's all about. Well, thanks. Thanks for, uh... I get to berate you about things that happen to you. They make you uncomfortable.

And I'm way smarter and wittier than you. So you can't even interact with me on my level about it. So then you just feel dumb after. I'll give it to you. You got a good thing going for you. You got a good head on your shoulders, Matan. Yes. You got a good crew.

Does it bother you that now people treat you like a disabled person? I honestly, that'd be nice if they did. People don't actually treat me. Your friends do at least. At least some of your buddies. Betty differently. No. No, they don't.

Yes, they do. Give me an example. How would I be treated as a... I feel like your friends probably feel bad sometimes and drop off like some ice cream at your door or something like that? No, my friends all kind of just... It was kind of the opposite of that. Oh, really?

Yeah, they all kind of just disaffee... No, I'm just kidding. I'm just... You can't get into that. Yeah, you know, I don't even care to, really, to be honest. But, um... No, I'm pretty good, Matan. I'd love to play into the schick, but I'm...

still in great shape. I'm phenomenal shape fitness-wise. Yeah, my brain took a hit, but for the most part, I remember the important things. Do you remember the incidents? Yeah, somewhat. Not really you want to get into it. You want to get serious? Sure. I was, I was, I had a pretty serious concussion, brain damage, fractured skull. Brain got shaken up a bit, but I still remember pretty much everything that I need to. Because most fighters after they get knocked out, they say they don't remember for at least 40 minutes. Yeah, I didn't get knocked out.

Oh, you were still awake during the whole thing? It was a TKO, yeah, it was just a doctor stoppage. But who stopped it? He probably would have kept going. Probably. My buddy Todd got out there. A few of them came out and grabbed me. But, Matan, we can't talk about this.

There's so many nice things that are going on in the world. We can't talk about you? For your hair, because I know your big hair guy. You got a lot of hair. Yeah, it's a good product. I don't even, okay. Well, we could give that to somebody who will use that and respect it. Maybe Mike, Mike, he's got good hair.

Good looking kid actually under that eye patch. Following up on that last one, are you technically allowed to sit in the disabled chairs on the bus now? No, but it would be nice to have a parking spot up front. You don't get the handicapped at least? Well, I don't think if you're not able to drive a car because you can't see, they're not going to give you a better parking spot. If I complained about something that, say I were to hurt my leg or like a, you know, a hand that's, you know, something that I have to drive with, you know. But if you can't see, they'll probably just pull the whole license from you.

But I don't even want to get down into talking to the DMV about that stuff, you know? Why? Because I like to have my license and the option to drive. I could see. I could see. Can we clear that? Can we get that across? I can see now.

You can. Even out of the fucked up eye? Yes. Can we do like the UFC test? Can you close your eye and I'll hold up an amount of fingers? Yeah. So close one, you're going to close the good eye. Close the good one.

They're both the same. No, no. You put that eye patch on that eye and now we'll try it. Okay. What did you change? Same thing. I was giving you a taste of your own medicine. Change nothing.

But I didn't get in an accident that almost ripped off my whole face. It almost did. Yeah. Key word. I got lucky. There's still a problem from almost. I am very fortunate that I'm still here and still able to see and I'm still much better off than I should have been.

And I'm grateful, let you say that. I'm going to come off like a real asshole for this. This is your idea. You wanted to come on here and bully disabled person of other injuries. I just thought you said you weren't disabled. You're just getting the worst calmer. You're going to fucking walk out of here, and a crow is going to come pluck your eyeball out.

I like crows. They're very smart. You can teach them how to steal money for you. I would love to see, but just a slight injury on your eye. If you want a $3,000 a month payday for life, What would you feel free to do? Maybe take a long weekend, every weekend, or try a bunch of new hobbies.

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and it could come full circle. I wouldn't call it a... slight injury. Okay. Well, what do you think I should do, Maton? Nothing. I mean, there's nothing you can do. It seems like you either lost or settled that lawsuit that you can't talk about.

Are you still suing David Dobrick? I don't know what you're talking about. What settlement did you arrive at with David? Can't talk about it. Should David Dobrick have been held criminally liable? How about it? We don't say that name anymore in here. Are you in love with Dobrick?

Next time you say that name, I get to smack you across your face as hard as I can. What is the name of Blank Blank Blank's father? I don't know. Did you sign in NDA? No. What's his lawyer's name? It's public. It's on Google if you want to look it up, but I'm not going to talk about that here.

Is dirty dumb innocent? No, fuck no. Fuck that guy. Well, we can talk about that? I'm not in a do with that. So you're allowed to talk about that one? Yeah, I don't care. I'll talk about anything else you want to talk about.

That's actually what we discussed that we can talk about. Ask me anything you want. Just not that one subject. Yeah, the one thing we spoke about. Okay, well, I know why we can't talk about it. it's a legal thing? Mm-hmm. Like an NDA?

Yes. Then you got paid to sign or was a part of the settlement? No, no. That's not how it works. Next question, Matan. Next. Should you be kicked off a plane

for shooting yourself than screaming for hours? Is this a hypothetical question? No, I experience this with a bunch of people on planes all the time. So if you're the one, if you're crying and shitting yourself,

Should you be kicked off a plane? Should somebody be kicked off a plane for shitting themselves and then screaming for hours? Yes, of course. Yeah, I believe so. Then why? I mean, are you not getting what I'm pointing to?

Stupid fucking babies? What are you getting at? Yeah, the dumb-ass babies that they allow on the planes that shit themselves and then scream for hours. Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna have kids someday you'll see what it's like

to be on the other side of that, you know, where do you think you were a grown adult that doesn't cry their whole life? Think of the shit you put your... I certainly don't shit myself. I'm sure you're shitting yourself and crying as a baby. Not on an airplane. As a dumb ass stupid little baby.

Don't grab that. You'll mess up the angle. I like that what you did there. That was good. Go ahead. He's the director though, so you got to respect him. Continue what you're saying. And by the way, in case anybody doesn't know, I'm talking to, I believe, Patti Pimbled.

He's from the same place as Patty. They got the same accent. Where are you from, Maton? I'm from Los Angeles. Where is this accent from? It's from L.A. Now, how do your people feel that you don't claim where you're from? Do you ever like...

Which people? Have people... You know what I'm talking about. Your people, Matan. Is this a Jewish thing? You went there. I didn't say anything. You implied it.

I'm just willing to get straight to the point. And the answer to that is a two-parter. For what, I'm not Jewish anymore. And for two, yeah, I mean, all... Every time you... What I mean anymore? You converted out of Judaism? I just wasn't Jewish.

And actually, as... you'll see on the next episode they release it after this one, I was told by a very high-level rabbi that I'm not only a goy, I'm the most wicked person in the world. What does goi mean? Non-Jul. So you're a goi? That's what he told me. Matan.

Do you want to pull up a chair if you want to come in? You can grab one of those metal chairs. Okay? It's hard to hear you with this thing on. Matan, let's talk to me here. I'm the guy that you invite on the show. Why don't we talk about, like, when you started out your career, some of the YouTubers that inspired you and stuff like that?

I'd rather do a special game show. We have a special game show. Okay, that sounds fun. Let's do that. You'll be giving Mike Mike a haircut with just scissors, and you only have one minute and four seconds. Okay, I can do that. You have to do the best job.

You can. I'm not touching this. You can't put me in the thing with that. No? No. It's not going to work. No, we can't bring in the piece. No, because I can't be seen doing defamation for shit because I've already done defamation for so long

You know, I've had beef with somebody who wasn't responding to beef for so long, so is he not gonna let him in? Now if he doesn't have the pizza it should be fine Okay, we'll bring him in without the pizza, I guess Mike, thank you. I appreciate that that was nice of you to do that So are you taking my seat here? By the way in case you're wondering what happened who I was trying to bring in Doobricks pizza the sponsor of today's episode Get the fuck out of here. Yes, he's sponsored by Dobry. I'm going to give you for this.

Use code Matan to get 10% off of Dobricks. On your first order. Yeah, because he didn't sign the bullshit you did. He told me all about it. That's not true. We both did. Yeah, well, he has a better lawyer than you and way more money, I guess.

He does have one of them. Actually, yeah, you know what, but at the end of the day. But he's going to sue him? No. But if you talk, he'll sue you. Matan, you and your people sue people.

Not me, all right? Me and the rest of the Germans from Deutschland? You're German now? Yes, yes, I am. Switch to German? I've always been. German. What do you think? If you take a deal Yeah, you have one minute. Hold on.

What kind of hair can you want? You just give him the best you can. You have a minute and four seconds, okay? All right. But you have to do a good job. Okay, I got you. All right, let me know when I'll start the timer. That wasn't part of it. Okay.

Timer started. Mike, you're letting me just do whatever I want? Well, yeah, you're supposed to give him a good haircut. He never wronged you, so don't mess him up. True. Mike, I saw you out of that New York. next parade, having fun socialize and talking to people up on that truck. Who, me or him?

Mike Mike. Yeah, that's good. You getting outside, getting old sun, you know? I kind of need a comb to really get this right. You weren't at the parade. I thought you lived in New York. I was at the parade. I saw Mike Mike there.

You're paying attention. Get your fucking head in the game. No, you saw a photo of him. You're wasting time. You only have 30 seconds left. I'll pull that eye out. You have 30 seconds left. I don't even see a difference.

That's the good. That's a beauty of it. You know, he looks the same. Just slightly. cleaner. Slightly. He doesn't look cleaner at all. He looks dirty now and then.

Well, that's because he needs a shower. I don't... Way beyond a shower is the problem with him. I think you need to put him... Hey, y'all. It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if?

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Ten seconds. Perfect. That's it? man you bone smashing you bone smashing there you go that's it thank you Mike that was great enjoy your haircut I mean it doesn't doesn't even look like he cut any hair I if you were to clean all this up I would need some sort of a clipper that's what you wanted to do huh Mike you're a good sport I you tied up that eye patch huh I don't want to mess with your bits here I feel like I'm kind of uh this is yours they are mine

yeah I wear and when people make fun of my eye and when I get insecure when the bullies make fun of my eyes. Oh, really? But I'm not a bully. No, you're more like a weasel, like a punk fucking little punk kid, you know? Then why are you wearing the glasses? This punk-ass weasel

is making you insecure about your eye? You got to me, yeah. Now I'm insecure. I'd rather be a punk-ass whizzen. Mike's got two big fucking eyeballs. That's, it must be nice, bro. Good for you. Oh, I didn't even think about it that way.

Mike is able to, like, bulge his eyeballs out. He's like the exact opposite of you. I know. He can do all sorts of shit with his. eyes and he can see real well. Yeah, I'm jealous, man. I'm jealous. I'm going to pop one of those eyes out, pop it at mine.

I actually had a question about that. Yeah. What are your thoughts on the eye for an eye concept? Do you think you should be allowed to take one of David's eyes? Yeah, I thought that for a while. I thought that... This is allowed. You're not establishing any dominance.

No, I'm not even trying to do it. I'm just chilling, bro. I'm having a good time. No, it's not. It's a mental game that you're losing at. No, you're making me feel comfortable. I want to answer that. question comfortably. You see that? It's my resting heart rate.

We should have got you like one of those chairs. What was the question? Can you repeat it? Sorry. What are your thoughts on the eye for an eye concept? Yeah. I like that song. 50 cent. An eye for an eye. Finish it. An eye for an eye. I never heard of it. You'd be more familiar with this than me. It's 50 cent. It's a song about revenge, you know, and I used to be big into that. I was like, you know what? Yeah, it should be eye for an eye. That's what I do you think would be fair for you to take it because it's kind of unrealistic to...

I thought a lot about this. But I'm not allowed to talk about it. But you know what? We'll try to... You're not allowed to talk about your fantasy of like probably ripping his eye out? This was a past fantasy that I had... It was, I wouldn't say it was a fantasy. It was a thought at that time in my life.

It was a thought. And, you know, I would have dreams about it. Maybe, you know, just thought through it. And it wasn't really a healthy place for me to be mentally... Wasn't a pleasant dream? Because we're living in real life here. You know, it's not... We're not in a movie.

And, you know, if I were to go pop that eye out, then I'm just in jail, you know? It's not like, oh, hey, your honor, but he did this to me for, you know, it's not like that. Well, I'm saying legally, should you have been allowed to take his eye? I don't make the law. But if I did at that time, maybe I would have been like, you let me have this. But now where I'm at in life, I'm in a much better place, I found God. I went down to Mexico. I did a psychedelic drug retreat to.

So your brain's all sorts of fucked up now. Take all the bad memories out of my brain and only leave me with the good ones. and that was really nice I could send you down there if shit gets hard for you you know if things ever get rid of bad That actually I am afraid

of taking those psychedelics That turn you into one of those zombies Who think they've accomplished Excellence And have peace Yeah I found peace again It doesn't last very long Let's see where you're at in three years

You'll probably be a schizophrenic homeless guy Could be It could be sooner You know But I'll tell you what I'm not going to be homeless Why's that? Look at this fucking color of this suit Yeah well it won't last forever

If you keep buying chains like that How much is that worth? What worried about Jesus? Well, how much? Well, you can wear a cross chain that's not decked out with diamonds. Sorry, let me put this away for you. Sorry. I forgot this was out.

You think I have an issue with that? Bro, you just called yourself out. You just showed your true colors just now. It's fine. There's diamonds on it. I'll put it away for now. Yeah, I know the diamonds too. Why do they call jewelry?

Jewelery. After Jews, maybe. True. That's a good, good observation you made there, Matan. Smart kid, you are. Smart kid. How's this show going? Do you actually have sponsors now?

I'm curious. We do. What's that dumb fat guy? His candy brand called? Who? What's his face? The guy with the restaurant, Jonah. Jonah?

Yeah. Are you Armenian? No. He's Armenian. He seemed like you could be related to him too. I think you're just saying that because I have a sort of an accent. You're like a young war at. You're like a young Sasha Baron.

Did you come up with that yourself? No, I just sort of thought of it right now. So yeah, I guess. I guess so. Why did you do the things that? You did. Did you ever have a girl yet? No.

Are you waiting until marriage for that? Yes. Yeah? Yeah. That's cool. What type of girls are you into? Have you thought about women yet? Preferably white?

Have you ever even experimented with maybe somebody of a different ethnicity or just you want to keep it pure? Keep it pure. Yeah. Now would you have to marry a Jewish woman or can they convert? I don't think they're allowed to marry a guy. Okay. I see where you're going with this. Yeah.

All right. Well, I'll be there at your wedding, Matan, and I'll wear a yarmulica to it. That's fine, right? What? Like if you invite a non-Jewish person to your wedding? They'll cook you alive. For real? If I marry a Jewish girl, do I have to convert?

From my knowledge is a guy, just guessing. Yeah, I guess technically you would, but they're not really about converting. They don't encourage it. So you'd be in for a rough one. Okay. Well, that's good to know. All right. They'll just really, you're not really in for that rough of a one.

You just have to give like a temple with a money-hungry rabbi like 80 grand. That's a shit's going to go down over here. I don't trust my guy. I mean, I know Mike Mike's a good, solid guy are yours, but there's weight classes for a reason, you know? Why, he wants to attack my guy? No, your guy's instigating my guy. But he's not doing anything. He's just standing there.

You brought like a crazy British guy? It's not even on. You don't even get a shot of that behind. That'd be nice. This is actually giving me more anxiety than this right now. Yeah? Yeah. Are you from England or you're from one of the neighboring ones?

He's from Ireland or something. He's from Liverpool. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, I should have guessed that one. Who else do you know from Liverpool? I don't know. Nobody really. A band.

Any band. Just name a band from... Patti Pimbled? No, man. Just name a band, the most famous band ever. Is the Beatles from Liverpool? The Beatles are from Liverpool. Smart kid, bro.

You fucking got a good brain in there. I know it. I know it. Underneath all that. hair. Hey guys, sir for the interruption. I have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Rumble Wallet. How much control do you really have over your money right now? With Rumble Wallet, you can buy Bitcoin, whole dollar back stable coins, and even own digital gold backed by real gold all in one place. One of the great things about Rumble Wallet is how simple the setup is.

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This is a paid advertisement from Rumble. Thank you to Rumble for sponsoring today's episode. Why do gay people wear funny hats? What do you mean by that? They always have those funny hats on. They have a hat with a feather on it. Like a cowboy hats? A cowboy hat, a woman's hat.

I think they're just, they know how to have a good time. They don't get you seriously. A good time. That's what you call a good time? Yeah, wearing a funny hat. I'm not talking about everything else they partaking, but, you know. Um, not wrong wearing a funny hat, throwing on a green track suit, you know, or an eye patch, you know, getting into character role playing. That's kind of gay.

You put on that eye patch to make me feel comfortable. This is gay? You may, you put on a costume here as a grown adult man. This is a costume. You had your male friends that are the same age as you all wear costumes. We all coincidentally injured our eyes. Look at Mike. Mike, I appreciate that.

Thank you guys for doing that. It's really nice. Thank you guys. How much longer before you fully become a cyclops? You never know. I didn't know I was going to get into any types of eye situations ever in life. So it's a good question. It could happen when I leave here.

I can get struck by a fucking plane. You know, I could get a crow could come fly down. That seems like a specific example. Is that because you're from New York? That's just like the first tragedy that comes to mind? It's the most, yeah, yeah. It's probably the biggest tragedy I've ever experienced. And how old are you when that happened?

I was a young kid. I was probably... What year were you born? 1989 why don't you write a book about how you met God during a near-death experience after the accident to make millions of dollars that's a good idea but um

you're welcome I'd rather write about other stuff in my life that I feel like would make a better show than more of like the coming into doing all the bad shit and like it all playing out rather than just the end of it and the aftermath you know nobody wants to watch like a gangster drug deal

movie where the guy gets arrested and he's going to jail. You want to watch the come up, the coming of age, the money making. I think you're completely misunderstanding my concept. You want me to just write a book about it? How many people have an interesting come up story? So many. But not so many people have almost met God or could say they met God, whatever. I'll have you meet God tonight.

I'll leave my boy with you right now. You'll meet God by the night. That guy is looking to hurt somebody. And not even because you told him to play that character. No. I could just tell that that's for real. I know. That's why I'm saying just, you know.

But it's cool. Since this morning? I can't show you God. I can't bring you and be like, yo, God, talk to him. He needs help. This kid's all fucked up. He doesn't know what religion he is. He doesn't know anything about anything in real life.

He doesn't even know if he's attracted to women or men yet. No, I know I'm not doing. What do you like? Women, obviously. What do you like in women? What's your type? We just discussed the white and stuff. Just white?

You don't like maybe like a girl that's into fitness or reading or writing or like? This is personality base and I prefer their robotic. you want like an AI girlfriend no that seems a little bit strange or even by robotic like they stay at home like I don't have to hear them talk about like the concepts they believe they're understanding from reading a bunch of books

as if they're gonna explain something to me that I couldn't have got a lot earlier and a lot quicker from a much smarter man yeah like I'll treat us like we want to be treated like men like that stuff right I mean the fact that there's still women talking about how they want to be treated like men way after all the laws have been past a

show how fucking annoying they are, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. That's what, yeah, that's what I'm saying. We should start, like, a movement, you know? Gender war. Yeah, gender war. Yeah, you start it. We'll win, that's for sure.

Yeah, we will, yeah. I mean, what are the odds on that? Just. There's probably higher odds right now that the spurs will beat the Knicks and the women will beat the men. And that, that's been over with for a couple weeks now. Yeah, Knicks won it. Knicks won it.

Mike, Mike, you're at that parade. That was six. Huh? Legendary. We witnessed history, my man. You were there? I was out there, yeah. I thought you were in L.A.

No, I was, you called me to do the show. I told you I was in New York. No, that was before that. You were last week. You literally called me. You're like, yo, can you do the show? I was like, yeah, I'm down. And then you're like, okay, can you come tonight?

I was like, I'm in New York. I thought you knew that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Sorry, I had an accident with my head and my eye. I feel you. I get it. I can relate.

I've been there. I was a vegetable for years. Oh. You don't feel bad. They'll make that fitty fucking sympathy. At some point I got to get like a feels bad on my end that I can come in. Do you have any empathy? Have you ever felt bad in your life?

Like have you ever seen like a somebody struggling and been like, damn, that's, that would have you. What you mean by struggling? Like I said, I walked past the guy the other day. I was out on a run and my run started getting. It was a little hot out. I was a little tired. I didn't really sleep that good the night before. So the run was getting a little hard for me.

And then I saw a guy he had a fake leg on. It was an ampute. and he was sitting down and I had to stop to walk and when I saw him I was like I'm so lucky to have my fucking legs you know this guy's probably looking at me what would you have done?

I would have put a string in one of his ears pulled it out the other ear and then rattled them Yeah that would have been See that's the difference between how I am now at this stage of my life I used to be like you just a little fucking

like a little instigator a little troublemaker just a little troll you know Yeah but my concept was super funny Who were you inspired by like people the YouTubers when you were growing up.

Steve Jobs, Team Cook, Flowingstamming. No, seriously. Like, who did you like? YouTubers? Or comedians, actors. I wasn't much of an entertainment guy,

to be honest with you. There was just one vlogger I liked a lot, but that kind of... That's all right. I don't know many vloggers, so you don't even have to bring up the name. Do you know, is there anybody in the world

who knows more vloggers than you? You're like the guy who, who associates with all the evil vloggers. Bro, the big attraction, dude. Everybody wanted to vlog me when I was in my heyday. When I was out there running around, you know. Seeing shit.

Now you're seeing some stuff. Now I see black. I wake up and I just see blackness. And I open my eyes and just more blackness. We can't just talk about your eye the whole time. Okay. Perfect. Okay.

Let's talk about all the successful businesses I've started over the past couple years. So is that successful? You wouldn't have to give me a fucking junk-ass box to promote it. That's a really good product. It was sold out for months. People are fighting over. People died over that product.

What even is? It's outside waiting in line for it. It's like pomade or what? Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a hairstalling product. We'll buy a pomade at the store for half that price. And it'll be shit. It'll give you cancer.

It'll give you scalp cancer. That's what everybody says. Well, do it. And find out after you have cancer and then come to me. And I'll probably have the cancer. When I have cancer and I'm dead, I won't really care which pallmate I used. Bro. You will.

Trust me. When you are on the fucking pomade. I'll just be trying to avoid crazy people like me rattling my brain. They're going to have your cancer and one or other. scalp on like packs of cigarettes what they do. This will be what your head looks like if you smoke cigarettes like a baby. It doesn't seem like a hypothetical for you.

On an old spice product or a fucking pizza box. That actually I swear would be awesome. If I die like that, I would love to be in my worst state on an old spice. I'll do it. I'll make a product filled with toxic chemicals. Because those ingredients are hard to get. They're sourced all around the world. No, they're not.

They're natural ingredients. If I get the shit that you put in your healthy pomade source. The shit you buy at CVS, that fucking. crap that you put in your hair. Look, I mean, you're not a hair guy, so nobody's really going to come to your show for hair. So it's more of a gesture just for me to give you the product to help you outside. What a great gesture. But you know what you threw it.

Hey, I'm going to give him this product. He doesn't need. Look. He says Jeff's shit barber shop. You need to help with your hair. Paul made. So much more. Yeah, you could be doing a lot with this show, Matan.

Some more little set design. Maybe having a producer checking the cameras behind there. Maybe a little audio mics. I have microphones and boom. No, we just need to go like this. True. It's doing good. You're getting tons of views. I'm happy to see it. I love to see all your new episodes. Just watch the last one, Jeff Epstein on. Some guest list you guys got over here. It's good. If there was a chicken and he was both immortal and invincible, but no stronger or smarter than a regular chicken, what would life be like for him after a million years?

Would he just continue to eat seas without care, or would he eventually make a realization that turns him abnormally. the mind. Where's that scissors? Stab me in my other eye. Why? Just do it. Stab me in the other eye. So good, I read that with one eye, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. Stab me in the place. Even if you had both of them, I would be better at reading in my ears. And yeah, probably. Um, the chicken would lay tons of eggs and the chicken would become God. And it'd be the ruler of our universe. Well, how did you come to that conclusion from that question?

I didn't really answer. I didn't really pay attention to it, to be honest. I'm going to ask it again? No, next one, please. I will move on. Do you have a list of questions you had everybody with? If there was a chicken, and he was both immortal and invincible, but no stronger or smarter than a regular chicken,

what would life be like for him after a million years? Would he just continue to eat seeds without care, or would he eventually make a realization that turns him abnormal in the mind? I think he would evolve, he would have a realization of what's going on. Yes? Uh-huh. Well, we said he's no smarter than an average chicken.

I think he would evolve. He would get like a high level of consciousness. Yeah, you know, we started as lizards. We were underwater. Yeah, but that's like providing like a bunch of different generations of people. You just said any amount of time he could live for a turn. This is the same chicken. Yeah, we started out as as fucking worms and lizards.

Are you not understanding or are you an idiot? Listen to me. You never were a worm. Your ancestors passed billions of you. Years were a worm. Listen, don't, don't be doing your people's religion onto me, okay? Because I have my own set of beliefs. All right?

You believe what? That you were a worm? Evolution. That's your own set of beliefs. So you were a worm. I don't believe in any of that stuff. Mom, Donnie. Fixing the potholes.

New York City. You're a grifter. I don't even know what that means. You don't know. Exactly. You just proved it. I guess so. Well, what are you then, Matan?

Because I inspired all your shit, dog. Yeah, you know. Yeah, Mike, I hear him fucking giggling over here because he knows it. He's playing with your mic. Yeah. He does not have a fun time. It's all good, bro. Just fucking give a little, pay a little respect.

You don't want to talk about the chicken anymore. You seem kind of bored by that. We could talk about the chicken. It's your show. Okay. You don't get it. That chicken is not evolving in terms of like, oh, he would go from a chicken to a human. It's the same chicken.

I'm not talking about his children. Do you believe in God? Yes. Okay. Well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I didn't think you were going to go that way with it. And now you're just stuck. Next question.

It could be anything. It's what you fucking believe, you know? What the hell does that even mean? You could believe whatever you want. Code Matan, M-A-T-A-N, at Dobricks at the front counter. Nice catch. You hit your phone, you dumb fuck.

That's all right. You destroyed your own phone and you didn't even knock my table over. It's okay. I'll get it if I want to. Yeah, I know, but you wanted to look cool. Now you just look like a dumbass. If I want to get that table over, I'll get that table over. It's pretty easy.

Look. Now how we're going to do the show. We got to finish up. We got to finish up here. You're doing a rush? Come on. I'm worried about what's going to go on here. Thank you, Mike.

He's not getting your phone. He's checking the angles. On my knee a little. Oh, I hit you? Yeah. I was just trying to flinch you. It's all right. And it didn't really work.

Why did you do the things that you did? At what point is enough wealth and power for somebody to stop? I was just having a good time. I was just going with the flow. That's an excuse for a . Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't you ever make those allegations, ever? I didn't make the accusation.

Nobody's ever made that accusation to me. I can get one to. No, I don't know. No, I mean, I will because all you need to do is make those allegations nowadays and it's enough to do damage. So I'll give you $100. I'm actually really worried about that. I mean, yeah, the way you treat people, Matan, you know,

karma's going to come back and get you bad, my boy. That's not fair karma. Somebody falsely accuses me a r-a-a-b. You've been falsely accused it a lot of people of a lot of things. What did I falsely accuse you of? You just accused me of that. No, I didn't. You were doing it and you're a schick, you know, you're making it like a little bad.

I was making it unclear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They did a good job of it, but, you know. Can't really. sue them either. I would never do that. I'm saying I can't really sue them if they falsely accuse me. What am I going to do?

Then they're going to have to do that whole thing. What's it called? Where they look through all your messages and stuff? They would, yeah, they'd be able to. And then they're going to find out who I really did it to. The real ones, the real victims. I really pray because now I'm associated with you on camera. I really pray that you're not this way outside of here, Matan.

But I feel like you come from a good family. He excuses everything I did and continues to do. That's not true. Me and Jeff are threatening you guys. Watch out if your schools will come in pretending to be kids When did the fuck out finish school? No that's right you don't need an education you don't need it you're smart enough and you you got this now you got a good career People would kill for this what you got going for you yeah People would kill their friends out yeah we had the same idea yeah yeah you don't feel bad at all seeing like people Come on your show and then have to deal with all the consequences of your actions after?

Such as what? Who has ever been affected from doing my show? Like you had Jeffrey Epstein on last week. Besides that dumb fuck David Lucas. Oh, that was good. I actually liked that, what you did to him. Outside of him, nobody really has serious consequences. No, I'd say that was more of his fault.

You held your own there, and you were young at that time, too, you were like fucking 16, so to get smoked by a 16-year-old, that's embarrassing. As a comedian, that's bad. Yeah. Fuck you, David Lucas. Yeah, I stand with a ton. Jeff's going to do to you what he did to them.

I didn't do anything to anybody. Do you ever use your leverage as a cripple to take advantage of people? In what way? Please tell me how I will. Guys, guys, my eye hurt my friend almost killed me. I need to go and cut the line. I need the pizza. You said I could smack.

You press your face as hard as I can. I say that again. Yes, that's what we just agreed on. It's on camera. Roll it back. We just discussed that. Well, you're in an advantage right now because you have like, 60% of your vision and I'm really just at 50.

Chill out, relax. Calm down. Calm down. I could have got your eyes. I only need one. Yeah. I usually do that to people. That's my move.

Take it serious. Take it serious. Because we came all the way out here to do this. It's a big interview for me. I flew out here to do this. Yeah. You can't really do any more interviews. Why?

Why wouldn't I be able to do an interview? Everybody already did it with you. Okay. So you don't come back on for a rerun, a repeat? Check in a year later. Clearly not. If you had to fly out for this one. Matan.

You might be the first guest to ever said that. I was so happy to have you on my show. We had a good episode. Yeah. You remember that, Mike? We bonded. Why don't you get a sheep and a bird so you can fully become a pirate? More questions not about the eye.

Would you let a mentally unstable PTSD-streaking veteran live in your house? Did I do that? Would you? That sounds complicated. I feel like I would have to because they fought for a friend. freedom, you know? Or they just a bunch of Arabs.

Good point. I'm going to stay out of that one. I'm just going to say, yeah, I would. Listen, you just told me, I don't want to talk about the eye. I don't want to talk about my best friend Davy Dobrick, who I'm secretly friends with behind camera. It's all a big stunt we've been doing. You don't make shit up

and put things out there in your vague way saying things and make it seem like there's something going on behind the scenes that you know about. You don't know anything. You guys play tennis. I caught you at the park playing tennis. I don't play fucking tennis. We got two more minutes. Give them a good. five more minutes. We'll set the timer five minutes. Set the timer five minutes. You like my

questions? Well, the pirate one was pretty good. That's pretty funny. It's okay. He forgot to insert like a social, social button. No, he's he's he's they're good they're good. Well, I only have like one more because then I have to film with long neck. Oh yeah. Are you actually? Yeah, we have long neck coming on in about like four minutes. Did you split up my episode of long neck? No. He gets his own one. We've been waiting for for years. Are you happy with how this is going so far? Yes. How about you?

I'm pretty happy with it. I think it's a little unorthodox style of an interview, but it's fun. I'm having a good time. Do you also buy the children's ticket at the train to steal $7? These are shit questions. That's a good one. Trains are $3. I'm in like New York.

When you take... $3. You know that? No, no, not that train. I mean like the one you take from the Newark Airport. Well, like a train in like London or something? No, the one in New Jersey, when you arrive in Newark and then you have to get to the city, the train costs $17. No, it doesn't. Okay, yeah, yeah, it costs 11.

Sorry, I got that. It costs 11, but the children's one cost $3. Okay. So by doing that, you steal $7 because it's actually $3.80. No, I would pay the regular fine. I said $3.80. He dropped out of school to do it. He dropped out of school to do YouTube.

So whatever. The kid's got a fucking calculator in his pocket. He'll figure it out. It's $3.80. It's $7.20. I'm not disabled. I don't park in handicap spots. Oh, yeah.

You could just give that ticket. This was kind of a useless ask question. Yeah, I don't do any of that stuff. I didn't even really think about it that I could. But even knowing my situation, no, I don't think that's right to take the parking spots away from actual disabled people. No. I don't think it's right. I would like to.

And I'm not even. disabled at all. Well, that's because you're a bad person. You have a bad black heart inside that Jewish body. But does it really, does it really matter? You snuck in a Jewish in there and thought I wouldn't catch it. I just looked up your Wikipedia. I don't even have a Wikipedia. You do. You do. Not to my knowledge, but maybe. That's probably a good thing that I got one. It's pretty dope. Yeah. You're the real deal now. Congrats my boy. But no, I'm not Jewish. The Wikipedia is lying. Anybody can edit those things. I know. I did it. I put it on there. You put Jewish? Yep. I'm gonna edit it and put German.

All right. Okay, well that's you. We have to film with my next guest long neck now. You guys want to have him on your show. You guys want to do it end this year with a real rumble. Let's go.