The Matan Show - Matan Confronts Adam Carolla For Doing Blackface & Jimmy Kimmel's Cancellation

Episode Date: October 5, 2025

PATREON: http://patreon.com/mataneven Go To https://www.HelloFresh.com/Matan10FM and Get Ten Free Meals With a Free Item For Life, New Subscribers Only Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matanevenoff X/Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/MatanEven Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0tTEcorgYch5ohaIQhAhvw TikTok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@mataneven Discord: https://discord.gg/matan-university-1055196556875280384 YouTube: youtube.com/@matanevenoff Adam Carolla: Instagram: www.instagram.com/adamcarolla YouTube: youtube.com/@theadamcarollashow1 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. Today's guest, we have Adam Cirola. Welcome in. For today's co-host, we have Mike. Welcome in, Mike. Good to see you. Nice to meet you. This is Mike, Mike.

That's the co-host, Mike. Other Mike. So in case anybody doesn't know, you please introduce yourself and all that one. Let's see. My name's Adam Cirola. And I do a podcast. And sometimes I write. books and sometimes I make

documentaries and sometimes they do stand-up. Did you know that Iran is one month away from developing a nuclear bomb? I thought we bombed them, didn't we? They're one month away from developing the nuclear bomb.

What should we do about it? Well, I'd say we get one of those bunker busters and a get an M. I'm trying to think what plane flew that bunker buster. But we'll get something with wings on it and we'll drop the bunker buster and it'll it'll go down the chimney

and then it'll blow it up and then uh did you know that iranis one week away from developing a nuclear bomb wait a man i thought they were a month away one week away now wow where did the time go i thought that's what i've been saying yeah where does the time go man no i didn't i didn't know that but so we should get a bunker buster what is i like because it's alliteration you want to build them a bunker? No, they have these things called bunkers. Thank you. I put my... I don't know how this supposed to... You want me to hold your drink for you? No, no, that's all right. I'm just trying to work out this. See, not that I'm here to complain, but if I'm addressing you, the mic's on the wrong side for me looking at you. If you were over there, that would be better. No, that's a call, so you can

look at Mike in case he wants to say. something. So Mike, bunkers are underground. You want to build I ran a bunker? No, no, no, no. They already possess a bunker. And we needed bunker buster

to bust their bunker, which they already built. When's your next appearance as Mr. T? Check out the big stars, big series, and blockbuster movies. Streaming on Paramount Plus. Cue the music. Like NCIS,

Tony and Ziva. We'd like to make up our own rules. Tulsa King. We want to take out the competition. The substance. This balance is not working. And the naked gun.

That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment. Paramount Wolf. I think they're bringing back the A team. Nice. And I do think I will do a

cameo on that. As him? Will you play him? No. You're like getting into breath in the fourth wall there? You know, in America, we kind of frown upon white guys playing black men, although I did dress up as Mr. T for Halloween in 1983. And why is that such a bad thing in America for a white person to pretend to be black if all they're doing it is for fun and not to offend blacks?

we are very racially sensitive right and so what we do is we look for racism wherever we can find it and somehow jimmy fallon playing sammy davis junior we've decided as racist except for it's not but we're always looking for racism so that's why we're offended we're not really offended we're just looking for racism because we've decided we live in a racist society, but we're not really a racist society, so we have to find bits and pieces of racism to make an argument that we are racist. Could you also make the argument that it's actually white people protecting their own kind? They don't want white people to dress up as black because once we reintroduce segregation laws,

we don't want to get them mixed up with you. You know what? Well, you know, you make a good point because I could be dressed up as Mr. T, then we could do a segregation law. and then next thing you know, I get rounded up and put into some sort of gulag, meanwhile, not even actually being black. Right. Yeah, if the timing was right, I could see where that would be problematic.

That could be problematic because then we could make a mistake and not just have black people there. A white could slip through the crack. Yeah, yeah, you'd have me and a bunch of actual black people and then I'd be dressed as Mr. T. And then I'd have a sort of moral conundrum. Like, do I say to all the blacks have been rounded up? Well, eventually, it's going to start fading, and then the actual black people are going to, they're going to be their enemy too,

because they're going to be offended by it. Yeah, but I will say I have Vidalago. Remember Michael Jackson? What? Michael Jackson. That thing you had? Vidalago. I will explain to the black people at the camp.

I have Vidalago. So if you see me turning white, that's not me being white. I'm still black. I have a skin disease. I think black, But Michael Jackson did it over a couple of years. If you did it over the course of one shower,

I think they might become a little suspicious. I only do one shower every couple of years. Well, but how do you know that they're not going to force you to do more? You know, I know they de-louse you. We've all been through that. And I know there's cavity checks. We've all been through that. But I don't know about the forced shower.

I'd have to look into that. Watch out for your euro, okay? Watch out for a euro. Your ear. Oh, my ear. Okay? Which ear? Yeah.

Watch out for your ear, just to be safe. Oh, with this one? No, just in general, watch out for your ear. You don't want to get an ear infection. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. That's good advice. Both ears, though, right?

Your ear. My ears, plural. Are you smarter than Jacob? Jacob of biblical times? No, my body, Jacob. Oh, your both? Buddy, Jacob. Yeah, for sure. That douche. Yeah. But how do you, you don't even know him? Why would you say something like that?

You've never met him. Well, let me give you, okay, that's true. That's true. But let's just say. So you might actually be stupid. You're jumping to conclusions. I'm going to outsmart you with this analogy. Okay. Let's say you could bench press 500 pounds. And then I said to you, do you know my friend Rick? Do you think you can bench, trust more than him, you would say yes. And then I'd say, you don't know my friend, Rick. And I go,

right. But I would assume I can bench more than him. But that's a false analogy because benching 500 pounds is a sign of being very strong. Right. But I'm a genius. No, you're not. It turns out your friend, Jordan, Jacob. Has an IQ of over 100. I'm still a genius. So I will just say, I will take a chance. You had Mayhem Miller. I had on Maham Miller. Right. Okay. If you said to Maham Miller, I have a friend, Jacob.

Do you think you could kick his ass? He would go, yes. But Maham Miller is a professional fighter. I'm a professional thinker. I don't know about that. And let me ask you this, because, you know, you're a little past my time. It's like, I didn't grow up watching your shows and stuff, but I'm still familiar with you. But not personally.

Are you gay? Because just the way you talk, I just want to know. Wait a minute. Were you in the band, the White Stripes? I've heard it all before. What's the guy's name? Black? Yeah, Jack Black.

I know I look like him, but it wasn't me, but are you gay, by the way? You talk like you're, I just want to be sure. Since when is announcing you're a genius and knowing what a bunker buster is, when is that gay talk? No, you're just the sound of your voice. Oh, the timber.

Yeah, are you? It's okay if you are. No, no. It's fine if you are. We're not in the 70s anymore. You can admit it. That I'm gay? Yeah, it's okay. I wish I was gay. No, you don't have to wish.

You can be honest. It's okay. I do. I wish I was gay. Then admit it. It's no problem. No, I'm not gay, but I wish I was gay. Why are you hiding about it?

Is it because back when you were a kid, it was something frowned upon? Now it's okay. You might as well admit it. It was definitely frowned upon back in the day. I give it a frown, but it's okay. I give it two frowns. Right. Remember, a frown is just a smile.

Oh, I don't know how that. Addish goes, but look, pierce a point. No one has ever said I sound gay. I may talk game. Ideas may be gay, but the sound physically, no. No, no, it's definitely the sound. But anyways, it's okay if you're gay. I don't think that's an issue. It's okay nowadays to be gay. Mm-hmm. I listen, I agree. I wish I was gay. I don't know why you're hiding it, why you're denying it. Well, you know, my dad's born-again Christian, My mom's born again Christian. He's not gay. I'm evangelical.

I would be immediately kicked out of my megachurch if I ever admitted I was gay. That's the point. That's why you're not admitting it. Yeah, I think you're on to something because I do have a lot to lose. I have a lot of Christian-based sponsorships. Watch out for your ear, okay?

Which year? The one, you don't want to get an ear infection. Okay. Okay, so just be careful. All right. Romynaville, which you know-i-lid-lif-navina. And I say, my question, as you know what, I'm a-of-her-fing-kebny-ba.

And I, I'd say, norah, but I think, our own-min'a, and I think, you're o'-min'-one. So, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, and I'm not. And I'm going to ask, man, I'm going to ask, I'm going to find out.

Oh, my own, yeah, yeah, y, y, y. You know, no, fos. Yeah, y, y, y'all. You know, all, shamb, folks, What I'm going to do that? You know, what I'm going to make his house, you know,

if you're going to have and the black fatigue, when the black person and as a very so you know that I'm going to see that. I'm not going to see.

I'm not very I'm saying. What is black fatigue? What is black fatigue when a black person is tired from running so much? Hmm. I think that could be part of it.

Right. Like, you know, many great Olympic sprinters who were of color probably were fatigued at the at the end of the race there's also a fatigue there's a metal fatigue there's a metal that's been case hardened it's blackened and it can be fatigued I'm not a metal there just but there's a metal version of this I don't know why you're talking about metal I'm just asking because when I'm on truth social I always see people saying oh I have black fatigue and then I go on their profile and they're certainly not black

I guess it's possible they're doing what you did, but that's not the impression I got. Maybe they're talking about, there's something called fatigues, and that's camouflage, you know, that's a uniform in the military, and maybe black fatigue is like what ninjas wear. Oh, they're just saying they have black fatigue? Black fatigue, like black pants, black shirt, yeah, fatigue. But why would everybody feel they need to mention that? I don't have black fatigue. I'm not racist. No, no, I'm not, I'm not racist either I mean, I'm on the spectrum, but I'm not fully racist. No, autism spectrum or the racism

racism? Racism spectrum. And where do you rank on that? Let's say one is super racist and ten is super racist. Oh, okay, I'd have put myself in the middle between super racist and ultra racist, I think maybe like a five, four and a half five. So mega racist. Yeah, mega racist. Well, between, what are we being super racist and super racist and super racist and five would be like a mega race yes so like one is super racist and then 10 is super racist right yeah that that's say five i put myself as a what did your ancestors really do all day beyond names what were their lives like with ancestry's global

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I am the chart, I think. I just put my, I think I feed any place on it. Well, I mean, if everyone is on the spectrum these days of everything, you know, I've been accused of having Asperger's syndrome, you know, and being on the spectrum? Yeah, on the spectrum. What does that mean? That sounds disgusting.

I'm assuming everyone's on a racist spectrum as well. What do you mean you have ass burgers? Is that some weird stuff like you shoving burgers up your ass? I don't get it. I don't know, you know, technically what it is. I don't think it has to do with shoving burgers up your ass. So what is in ass burger? It's like people have social difficulties, you know.

Yeah, they're. Probably people think they're weird if they put burgers in their ass. I mean, I wouldn't talk to somebody who did that. No. Well, I don't know. I feel like they'd always have a burger on hand. And that, you know, that might make it worthwhile to strike up a relationship with them. Yeah, not if it's covered in shit and feces.

Well, no, you get it pre-ass shove. That messes with the whole implication of somebody who has as burgers. No, if you're shoving burgers up your ass, You said you did that, by the way, so don't talk about these things as you're not yourself. I've said I've been diagnosed as being on the spectrum of shoving burgers up my ass, but not actually shoving burgers up my ass. This is getting too disturbing for me. Just watch out for your ear, okay? Okay. Are you friends with Eve Civic?

Yeah. Do you get it? Eve Civic. Am I friends with Eve Civic? No, I don't get it. So then we'll move on. Did you know that Iran is just one day away from developing a nuclear bomb? I heard it was a month away.

No, just a day away. Oh, my God. And by the way, I don't know exactly how it works, but Iran could be like 13 hours ahead of us time-wise. Oh, my God. So that means it's less than one day. That is, you know what I'm saying? Whatever time it is here, it's 12 hours ahead there. No, you said 13.

Now it's half a day. Baker's dozen. I rounded up. What did you say? Baker's dozen. I rounded up to 13. Did you ever try the trick where you used Uber Eats and then said the drive peed on your food? I don't know where you read that, but that's mostly false.

I'm not saying that you did that. I'm saying I did that. Did you ever try it? Oh. Well, no, but the day is young. That's a good idea now. It's yet to fail because the only thing, the only conflict that I've had is once I did it for the fourth time on the same account, then they started getting suspicious.

They said that's too much of a coincidence. And they shut down my account, but they still gave me the money back. So, because they didn't really care. It's like four orders through breeds. They don't care to get into a dispute with me. Once I opened a new account under my friend's card, the next conflict was that his personal account got shut down because I did this. same trick, but I got four free meals again. Hmm.

You should write a book. About this? This would be a chapter in it. Well, how does that biography in one of the chapters is just an Uber Eats trick? Yeah, yeah. It's a story. I think it's almost a parable.

People can learn a lot from it, you know? I think there's something to share with the young people. How is it fair that someone can have s sqs at 12 years old but not drink alcohol it's a good point i mean you know technically you you can drink alcohol at 12 it's illegal well i think six at 12 may be illegal too not it's not in hawai so much but not in iran oh in iran wow speaking iran how long away are we from them developing that nuclear bomb i believe iran is about 12 hours away from developing a nuclear bomb

Oh, okay. Good to know. So it's illegal. I'm getting my info straight from the Prime Minister of Israel. Oh, okay. Very trustworthy. Yeah, so you're saying in Iran it's illegal to drink at age 12, but it is legal to have s s s sq. No, in America. Oh, in America. It's legal to have sacked 12, but you cannot drink alcohol until you're 21 years old.

I don't know that it's legal to have sips at 12. I'd have to look into that. it's okay it's okay you don't want me to look into it no it's okay to do it at 12 okay do you disagree with that I disagree with that I think it's weird but it's okay legally I'm saying

like I don't support it right well we have something called the age of consent which is 11 years old oh is that 11 yeah wow man I got a part in the pun bone up on my age of consent law knowledge because I thought it was older

That's what I thought too And then I mean you would just be surprised I guess I just learned one day Yeah well that's how information is disseminated Sometimes you just learned one day Would you be considered less gay If you stitched your ass shut

Well not everyone's a bottom What Not everyone is a bottom What does that mean? Well listen I don't speak If you're going to get into gay I know you are gay, but if you're going to get into gay details, I don't want to hear about it. No, no, this is pretty straightforward. There's tops and there's bottoms.

Stitching your ass shut doesn't mean anything if you're a top. It makes you less gay, right? Not if you're a top. If you're a bottom, it does. You're closed for business. But if you're top, like this podcaster, then no, it makes no, never mind. I mean, listen, I can infer what you mean when you say top and bottom And I think if there's one guy who isn't that It's a guy shoving sharp his ass which you said you already did No, no, I said hamburgers

Yeah, I mean, I feel like that's You're already on the way there You know, I don't shove hamburgers up my ass because I'm not a gay Yeah What do you do? Like grinders or burritos or something's a little more phallic shaped No, I'm not gay at all I actually... How you say nothing?

Nothing, I don't shove anything on my ass. No kind of food. Okay. But not just food, just anything. I mean, that would be disturbing to do that. Yeah, I guess certain cultures would frown upon that, but, you know, I'm from L.A. But you said your culture would frown upon it. My culture would frown upon it back in the day.

Now it's celebrated. Much hard for your ear, okay? For my ear, yeah. Hey, guys, sorry for the interruption. and I have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by HelloFresh. Folly's coming around and you know what that means. HelloFresh has now doubled its menu, offering over 100 weekly menu options for you to choose from.

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One per box with active subscriptions, free meals apply to the discount on first box. No subscribers only varies by plan. What? Why don't basketball players make sure the ball goes in when they throw it so they can score more points? Well, it's like why doesn't a hockey player make sure the puck goes into the net every time they shoot? Yeah, why don't they make sure it makes to go in? Well, you know, I think they're trying. But in hockey, correct me if I'm wrong, there's a goalkeeper.

Yep. That's why he's blocking it. In basketball, you're not allowed to block the shot when it's going down. So why don't they just make sure the ball goes in? It's funny. They call it goal tending in basketball, which is funny because in hockey, it is a goal. But in basketball, it's not a goal. It's a hoop.

Let's look into that. I mean, off the air. Yeah, you're right. This guy should make more baskets. I agree. They're getting paid $50 million here, and most of them don't even make half of it. Are they doing that to be funny?

They're pranking their ownership of the team. Look, I'm going to go, and I'm going to just start missing the shots here that I'm getting paid to make. You know, but they also pay the other guys to try to prevent them from making the shots. No, but you're not allowed to touch it. You can hit the ball on the way up.

You just can't hit it on the way down. You're allowed to steal the ball, but you cannot block it. You can block it. No, it's goaltending. That's on the way down. You can block it when he's shooting it. Okay, so the basketball players just need to make sure

that they're shooting the ball on the way down. They just need to make sure their arc of the shot doesn't go like this. It just goes like that. It just goes down. Right. Right. But I don't think they can get that much above the rim that they could do that way.

Yes, they could. That one guy, he's like nine-foot-tall. Bangan Yamang? I don't follow the sport that closely. I focus on the gay games. I don't want to infer about it. It's like the Olympics for gay people. Is Mr. Beast opening facilities in Ghana for...

What? What are you even right here? I cannot believe. Okay. Is Mr. Beets opening facilities in Ghana for rescued child slaves? Or is it a cover-up for organ harvesting and child trafficking? since it's a third world country with no way to track the children. I'm going to go to the ladder on that. What does the ladder mean?

The first one or the second one? Hey, I never really figure that one out. I just feel like when you say the ladder. It makes you sound smart when you go to the ladder. See, I caught on. I am a smarter guy than you. I'm the true genius of this show today. Oh, get Jacob in here.

I'll challenge him to. See, and I got you again. You're pretending that his name was Jordan, but now that you have to go back to you. You remember his name in an instant. Jacob. So why did you call him Jordan earlier? I didn't call him Jordan.

You were talking about that river in the Middle East and bunker busters. The river in the Middle East? Yeah, the Jordan River. And why do you think they call it the Jordan River? It's named after Michael Jordan, obviously. That's correct. It is. See, I got that right.

Yeah. Okay. The first foreign visit by a mayor of New York is always considered significant. Where would you go first? As the mayor of New York? Yes. Well, I would go to Ghana. Nope, you're supposed to say Israel.

I mean, Israel, by way of Ghana, I would go to Ghana because we had our mayor, Los Angeles, Karen Bass, she went there. She went to Ghana? Yeah, during all the fires, you know. So I think there's some protocol there. I think there's some history there. She went there to escape the fires

because there's nothing over there to burn down. Yeah Yeah, I think that At least that's what I read So I would go to Ghana Is that where Mr. Beast Isn't he opening his organ harvesting facility in Ghana? I don't know if it's organ harvesting

That's what I've heard this conspiracy theory about that Because how can they track these rescue children All of a sudden there's 40 of them Now there's 38 but nobody wrote it down And now Mr. Beast has $400,000 worth of organs to fund the next beast games. Yeah, I would go to Ghana and look into that. I would assemble a special envoy.

A special envoy? A special envoy. Just myself, but I would call myself a special envoy. Do you think the people in Ghana know how to communicate through language? They do through drums and smoke mostly. They go bang, bang, bang. What does that mean in there?

Bang, bang, bang, three bangs. Does that mean, like, have food? Three bangs? Yeah. No, three bangs means it's trash day. Those guys are not at the point where they have trash day. Oh, yeah. Every day's trash day and kind of.

Oh, they're just signify, yeah, but then why would they give you a special name? Yeah, I don't know. It's a good question, but I do know every day is trash day. They just, they take their trash, they leave it on the curb. They don't have a curb. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And also, they don't have plastic or trash.

When you say they have trash, what even is their trash? It's actually natural stuff. Yeah, biodegradable stuff. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You're right. They're big composters over there. What is that mean?

Compost. I don't know. I had a hippie mom. She used to talk about composting. I don't know what it means. It's something to do with the male system. I never understood it. She just talked about.

It's to do with the mail system. I guess maybe it did with post office or something. Yes, because they're mailing something. Watch out for your ear, okay? You don't want to get an infection. Okay. Do you buy candy from the little scammers on the train? No, I don't, but if I go to Tijuana, I will buy chicklets from the three-year-old girls in the streets.

You buy chickens from them? Oh, no, no, chicklets. It's a small little kind of gum. But that's probably not safe. What is it? FDR approved? Yeah, FDA. I think you may be.

No, the president. Oh, I don't know if he ate chicklets. No, that's why he's not approved. Yeah, you may be on to something there. But no, I don't buy the, I did buy a magazine subscription once from a young boy of color, but the issue never arrived at my house. They never offered that to me. They're actually, and they're not even of color.

They're not usually African-Americans. They're usually, like, Mexican people. They're actually, as a matter of fact, they're, it's like Mexican mothers that are dragging their children, and their children want to be home. They want to be playing video games. And you can hear them speaking in the language. And you hear them get like a video game name out, like, blah, blah, blah, Fortnite. And then the kid, like, slap them, and then he starts offering.

Eminem's. Ah, yeah, yeah. Peanut, God willing. What? Peanut M&M is so much better. But you said you didn't buy regardless. It's irregardless. By the way, I know English isn't your first language. Okay, genius.

But, no, but I'm still aware of the product known as peanut M&Ms. Yeah, but what's the meaning of mentioning that? I'm just killing time. Are you scared? There's monsters under your bed. bed? No, no, I sleep on a futon. Nothing's under there.

A what? Futon. What does that mean? It's on the ground. It's a Japanese word. So there's no space for the monsters. Boy, it'd have to be like waif monsters. Who's scared of a waif monster. Wife is like a ghost? No, waif is like skinny.

You said it's connected to the floor, so it doesn't matter how skinny you are. It's down real close to the floor. or probably about two inches worth of daylight. Stop leaving savings behind at the pump. Get up to 7 cents per liter in value every time you fill up at Petro Canada. That's 3 cents per liter in instant savings plus 20% more points when you link an eligible RBC card to your Petro points. Find out more at RBC.com slash Petro-Dash Canada.

Conditions apply. Under there. And not conducive to a place a monster could hang out. Do you think you've become funnier or less funny since you did Blackface? well it was so many years ago right you know so i'd say funnier because i was only i don't know 18 or 19 at the time but that was sort of the peak thing like what you're doing nowadays it's interesting um but that i really liked it the black face that phase i went through well i liked the mr t thing because i like mr t so when i saw it i was like is that mr t

or is mr t which one is it and then i realized that it was you and i was interviewing you and I went, oh my God, I'm interviewing Mr. T. And I went, God damn it, no, I'm not. So I actually was a little disappointing. No, listen, I get it. I would be disappointed. If I thought I was going to interview Mr. T and I ended up with Mr. Me, I would be disappointed. Do you get what you did?

It was a pun. Do you get your joke? No. I don't see what happened there. You did a pun? You said, what did you say? Watch out for your ear? Oh, I said, if I,

was planning on interviewing Mr. T, and I ended up with Mr. Me, I would be disappointed. Get it because he's a pun. It rhymes? I don't think that, I don't think that right. Did you know that Iran is four hours away from developing a nuclear bomb? Is that four hours their time away or four hours our time? Their time. Oh, it's their time, then it's four hours. So it's our time, they already have a nuclear bomb.

It's four hours their time. All right, well, if it's their time, we got time. What should we do in response? Should we bomb Gaza? Bunker Buster. I think we should bomb Qatar or something as a response. Well, you know, if there's extra bunker busters left over. Yeah, but first we do the bunker buster.

Did you know that if your neighbor's dog is being annoying, you can feed him poisonous beef? Yeah. Have you tried this one? No, I didn't... That's what I use him for. Oh, he does your dirty work? Well, actually, it's kind of cool. I mean that it doesn't taste like anything.

So the dog, the neighbor's dog, is like having the greatest time of his life. And then it's like in an instant. It's like the guy from the show at the end where the show ends and it fades to black. Well, okay, here's my take. The dog's annoying, but the neighbor's just going to get a new annoying dog

after you poison this dog. So my feeling is, is... But there will be an intermediate time where they're mourning. Yeah, but some dog turnover in this town is pretty fast. three to seven days on average but that gives me well that's seven days of peace and then well that's on the max the average is three average would be four and a half days would be five will be five yeah i bet you jordan would have known that what michael jordan you think's a genius

the point is this poison the neighbor not the dog the neighbor's the problem the dog's gonna go What if you poison the neighbor, then the dog might pass away because no one will be there to feed him. That's what I'm saying. Poison the neighbor. You get rid of the neighbor and the dog. That would be devastating because then the dog would die. What am I, some sort of animal abuser? You just said you're going to poison the dog. No, I'm going to give him beef as a treat, so he stops barking and he's focused on eating. Oh, okay. I misheard.

It's because you're not watching out for your ear. I've been warning you this whole time. Maybe listen to me. I can't. I'm too worried about my ear to listen. Yeah, well, no, you're worried about your ear now because it's clearly infected. I know you think you're a genius, but you can still take advice from other people. You know, most geniuses do heed the advice of others. That's part of my genius.

Clearly not. Now your ear is infected, and you can't hear what I'm saying. Did India misunderstand the relevance of the word street in street food? Do I misunderstand the relevance of it? No, did they misunderstand? understand. Like when people mean street food, they mean like food you buy on the street and Indian people thought you meant like food that you like found on the street. I mean, it's also roadkill, which is the ultimate street food because it's literally in the

middle of the street, you know? Yeah, I think that they took it like that. They took it very literally. Street street food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't, uh, it, it's not on the street. You're Right, it's elevated above the street, but they're selling it in the street. Do you think people would get offended if I called them street people? You know, it's an interesting concept because Neil Diamond had a live album called Hot August Nights. Diamond is worth a lot of money. And he played the Hollywood Bowl, and he said hi to all the tree people. Those were the people in the back of the bowl that were up in the trees to watch the concert for free.

Right. And they took that as a... Like the monkeys from Star Wars. Like the monkeys from Star Wars. So they took it as a badge of honor. So if you call someone, if you're Neil Diamond, you call someone a tree person, they like it. So I just have to become as famous as Neil Diamond who's worth a lot of money because a diamond, it's rare and it's found underground. No, because there's a lot of people like the last name, gold, but it doesn't...

Gold is also rare. Right, but it doesn't make them rich. Yes, it's just their last name. Goldstein are usually rich, but not because their name is Goldstein. because you know what. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel you. Mm-hmm.

So actually you were wrong about that. Mm-hmm. Mm. Well, then there's Goldberg, who's a wrestler, you know. But people named Goldberg are typically very rich as well. I know what you're saying. Including possibly even Goldberg, though I'm not sure he applies to what I'm talking about.

The wrestler. The wrestler. Yeah, he does okay for himself, financial. Why did you apologize to transgenderes for calling them yuck? I don't remember that. You're an older guy, but it was a couple of years ago, I think. Well, you apologized a couple of years ago. It was a comment you made back in maybe the 90s.

Yeah, I kind of remember that story, but I don't remember apologizing. Yeah, maybe you're just ashamed of that, so you try to forget about it. You may be right. I may be running away. stand by your statement now they're I don't remember what I was saying or why I was saying yuck but I was making a joke I'm no it wasn't sure somebody caught you off guard a transgender person

back in the 90s came up to you and they said can I get a picture and you went yuck pef on you what I what I do on them peff on you peft on them no like you're doing my expression actually yeah I don't know if I peffed on any transgender. You said, y'ar, pef on you. Yeah. You should be ashamed of yourself. No, that doesn't seem like me, but all right.

Do you stand by that regardless of whether or not you want to admit that it was you? Well, first off, it's irregardless. Regardless. Irregardless is how we say it. Garbage. Irregardless is the word you're looking for. You're having problems with your ear? That's what I've been saying the whole time.

Irregardless. Irregardless. That's what I've been saying. No, I don't have a problem with transgender people. I just don't want to build my society around. No, I'm just asking if you stand by calling the guy a yuck. Yeah, whoever that guy was. Yeah, sure.

Why do aliens always choose to abduct low IQ schizophrenics? Yeah, that's a good point. They never take geniuses like me and your friend Jacob. Right. Or Michael Jordan, the professional gambler? Oh, yeah, but he played baseball long before that. Yeah, but he wasn't known for that. He wasn't very good at baseball.

He's known as being a baseball player, and then he gambled after that. No, you're getting it confused. First he played basketball, then he gambled, then baseball gamble, basketball, gamble. I heard it was baseball, gamble, father shot, gamble, baseball that's what I heard this is a consequence of having bad years you get everything mixed up yeah I've had a few bad years year yeah yeah maybe it's just one year fucking moron I've been telling you now you're screwed how were you able to afford a 15 billion dollar car collection well you know hard work

listening a lot of people are hard working but they don't have 15 billion dollars to spend on cars well my dad owned them all then when he passed away he just kind of he gave you the cars he gave me all the cars yeah so then it wasn't really hard work right well you know being jim carola's son it's not an easy job well it's not hard work it's it might be not an easy thing but it's not like you work to be his son it was well let's set upon you in the beginning of Irregardless of whether you liked it or not. Yeah, irregardless, but if I'd come out... What's what I've been saying?

If I'd come out as gay, he wouldn't have given me the car collection. So I had to live a secret life until... But your father is still with us or no? It's debatable, but we think he's dead. So why are you still not coming out as gay, even though now you have all of his car? No, now I am coming out as gay. Oh, you're gay now, loud and proud? Well, I don't know how proud.

but yeah, I'm pretty loud, yeah. I also have a car collection. I have the Mercedes-Benz-70, convertible, Mercedes-Benz-W-31, and the Panzer Camp wagon. Oh, that's H-I-S-H-H-Gar's car. You drive H-I-S-Kar's car? No, that's my car in my collection. Well, you're talking about H-H-T-Mobile right there.

No, it's not. Don't. You're trying to make trouble with me comparing me to that guy. Well, I'm just. same between the comments you made about the Jews and driving Hitler's car. Okay, there's something called a self-hating Jew. I'm not, I didn't invent that. The comments you made about the Jewish people, along with cheering on Iran to get the nuclear

bomb, along with driving Hitler's car. Do you know that Iran is only one hour away from developing a nuclear ear? Is it an hour their time or our time? They're about to develop the ear. Wait. Well, we need a, we need a Q-tip buster. Yeah, they're an hour away from developing a nuclear bomb their time. Oh, okay, their time. Well, we still got time if it's their time. Yeah, but to fly a bunker, what did you call it?

Bunker Buster? To fly a bunker buster to Iran, you can't do that in one hour. No, but these guys are already airborne. They're already waiting? They're not waiting. They're on route. And how far away are they? It's about 40 minutes. So they have 20 minutes time in reception?

They have 20 minutes from the time. Yeah, from the time they drop the bomb, they'll come in under the wire about 20 minutes. Will you replace the Colbert show now that it's been canceled? Well, I wasn't going to say anything because I told not to, but yes. Who were you told not to by? Agents, management, people, CBS. Also, you're going straight for his show, not even his airtime.

time on the same network and everything? We're going to call it to Stephen Colbert show. I'm just hosting. And Owen, instead of doing Mr. T, you're going to dress up as Colbert? No, no. I'm not going to change anything about myself, but it's called the Stephen Cobre show. And then Stephen Colbert shows up, but it's really Adam Carolla.

Yeah, yeah. Like, okay, we have a chain out here in California who painted automobiles. Okay, it was called Earl Scheid. okay it was famous and then at some point Earl Scheib died but they didn't take the name off wait so he's

I know on the Jimmy the Jimmy Kimmel show he has that one guy with him what's the guy's name the Mexican guy oh yeah what's his name Guillermo

he has that guy so will you take Colbert's co-host Longneck Longneck that was Colbert's guy like Kimmel has Guillermo and

Colbert has for however long his show is going on. He has long neck. That's his guy. He goes to the Oscars and he drinks alcohol with people. But the thing is long neck is very skinny. So instead of being a fat Mexican who's funny he just collapses and starts having a seizure on the floor. So that's why the footage

never gets released. Because it's very disturbing for a younger audience. Well, Longneck is a kind of beer, I guess. Maybe a bottle. No, the celebrity longneck. I'll keep him on. You'll keep him on. He's... And let me ask you, because He's my next guest, actually, coming up in about five minutes.

Oh, he is. Is that somebody who would be interested in doing something with before that? Because he's been looking for work, and I don't want him to have to wait until you get your show back. It's called Bear Show. Whatever that whole situation is. You were said not to speak about it. I don't want to stress him out. Well.

Get him a job. Can he work for you? I'm starting on Monday, so he's got a job. By Monday, the U.S. will be destroyed. Oh, right. Iran is five minutes away from developing a nuclear bomb. Their time? Our time.

Oh, our time. Well, if it's our time, it's already happened. The bomb has went off? Well, they've developed a nuclear bomb if it's our time because they're 13 hours ahead of us. So what does that mean? Should we give $10 billion to Israel? Yeah, cash.

We'll do it at night. Let's see if I can get Obama. Sign off on that. All right, I'm going to go do my podcast, though. Yeah, we finish the show here. Yeah, finish with Long Necks. We're waiting now, Long Necks coming in. Yeah.

Mike, can you stand behind that camera there so I can introduce you when Long Neck gets here? Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast for today's guest. We have...