The Matan Show - Matan Confronts Jayoma For Protecting R*pists and Murderers

Episode Date: August 16, 2026

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Great news. The federal EV rebate is back. Eligible customers get up to $5,000 with the federal EVAP rebate on select 2027 Volt and 2026 Equinox EV models. Visit your local Chevrolet dealer today for more details. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the podcast for today's guest. We have Jayoma. Welcome in. What's up? Thanks for coming.

For today's co-host, we have my manager, ViroFlooring. We'll come in ViroFlooring. Thanks for coming. So if you could just pull the mic close to you. your mouth and then introduce yourself to anybody who might not know you and all that one. All right. Hello everybody. My name is Jayoma and I am a criminal defense attorney. I'm the person that you guys are going to call whenever you guys get into any type of trouble. So I'm here. So you don't do lawsuits on like businesses and stuff like that. You help take down

criminals or you help defend the criminals? I defend anybody who's charged with crimes. So no civil things. So that can be anything from federal to state any type of level. But isn't there less money in that? I don't really look at the money. It's more important. It's a passion project. It's a passion. It's a game.

Oh, really? It's a big game. It's like going to school and doing better than your opponents. So it's not even about the money or the ethics. It's just knowing that you could get out bad people better than anybody else. No, it's about getting people the top of representation that they should get, which is the best representation. But most of the criminals out there, and I don't mean to be racist, they, you know, they might be black or something.

So how could they afford the top guys? Those guys are all probably for the money. So everything is negotiable. So whenever I have any type of case that comes up, I'll talk to them, see where they're at in regards to their case, how difficult the case is, how much work is required. But it doesn't really matter because whatever happens, man, I'm trying to win the case regardless.

You're going to try to win it for them regardless of the money, whatever the situation is. Always. So that's why I got you the shirt right here, man. All right. vacation, we're here for it. With kids, who turned the backseat into a courtroom drama over whose tablet is louder, whose charger is faster, and while watching the same cartoon for the hundredth time as a human right?

Yep, we totally have vehicles to handle that, because whether it's a road trip or a business trip, where your flight's delayed, your phone's at 2% and your dinner is whatever is open. Yeah, here for that too. Enterprise, we're here for it. Jayama City right here He's a bunch of criminals It's a bunch of people

Who have been accused of crimes There you go Is that a crime? That's not a crime though Because he owns the whole building I will make it a crime This for you Okay thanks

I will make it a crime If you have me as a prosecutor This guy will never see the light of day I'll tell you that I think he probably would just have you killed This guy? Yeah No he can't kill me

There's no way Look at him He don't even speak He wouldn't do it himself You don't know who he knows. I know he doesn't know. Look at how he dressed up. I know.

Like the way he looks, it's kind of gross. A badass. Possibly. A trillionaire. Are you a trillionaire? You see that the sound right there? That's the sound of a person who doesn't pay their attorney's fees. That's what I'm saying.

He doesn't. I'm not going to have them. Do you find it difficult to get work as a Gentile lawyer? What do you mean by Gentile? non-Jew A non-Jew? Because when people think of lawyers and they think of a good one

They think of Jewish people No, fuck that It doesn't matter That's the truth No, because Jewish people Think about me I'm the top competition No, they don't

Jewish people They see you in court And they're like That's an easy win probably No, it's not Then bring it Well listen I invite any Jew out there

To go against me in court Including this one right here I'm not Jewish Everybody knows If you're leaving Jewishness That shows bad Like a bad thing I believe in Jews

With the law, because that's the one thing I'll give them. They're unbeatable. Who said that? Probably per capita and like statistically. Johnny Cochran? Johnny Cochran is Jewish? Alan Dershowitz. Is that the only one that you know?

But you know that the Jews are kind of the kings of law. I don't know about that. I know they make good bagels. And I enjoy hummus. I won't even give them, see, that definitely I love hummus. Y'all make great hummus. See, I'm not giving Jews credit for hummus. I am.

Maybe bagels, but definitely law. I don't know. How many is for sure? For law is me. And the market shows that they choose me. Okay, you think on average Asians who think they're like Mexican gangsters are better at law than Jewish people? There's no way. I don't know about Asian gangsters who think they're better at law.

All I know is that- No, Asians who think and try to look like Mexican gangsters. I've never seen those. All in those is what I do when it comes to my criminal cases. You know that's what it's like? Dude, do you know what you look like? Well, that's why I clarified by saying it's not an insult. Your head is made for a Yamaka, I swear.

No. Yes, it is. That hair needs to get perm. Do you think a good side hustle would be finding a rich person who recently took their life without a will and suing their family? I don't think that's a good hustle. Why? I think the best hustle is finding a niche that makes you wake up every day and then going forward with it and being better than your competition. Yeah, you'd be the best at that.

Not you, I'm saying. The guy who's doing this could be the best. best at it. Is that what you're doing right now? You could go, no, I'm not, but you could go on like obituary forms or something like that. I see all of the people who died, look them up if they have a big LinkedIn or something like that, and they didn't have a will because they killed themselves, so it's likely they didn't get it prepared. All right, as an attorney, this right here is just comical. It's not going to be used against them in court in case you get sued or in case you have criminal charges against you for fraud. How is this fraud?

I'm not saying anything that's fraudulent. No, but you seem very like, like, schematic about it. Like you know what you're doing. Well, yeah. You have done it before. There's a scheme going on here. So you've done it before? No, I haven't done it, but if I need to, it's definitely something I've considered as a good side hustle.

How many people do you know have done it before? A couple of them. Okay. So you're already setting yourself up to be a snitch. You know that, right? What's the problem with that? Then they'll give me more credit. Then if I go and do it myself

and it ends up being fraud, then maybe I don't have to go to jail because I'll give them information on other people. So you're willing to snitch on other people to avoid jail time? Is that what you're telling everybody? Of course. Oh.

Wow. How many people have you snitched on before? Well, none so far, but it's not something I'm unwilling to do. That's like the thing I'd go to immediately. How many rabbis have you snitch on? Snitch on them to who? Like the higher level rabbi? I don't know. Who are you going to snitch on a rabbi to?

I have no idea. Trump? Trump? Probably. That's who snitches on Trump. But nonetheless, back to my side hustle. Why is it not a good side hustle? Somebody doesn't have a will.

Their family is devastated. They're not in the right mind. sue the family Because that's not the right thing to do Like you got to find your own way Okay coming from the guy who's like Notorious That's a scam, that's a scam

Notoriously defends Uh, rickts and muzzles Allegedly, whatever I'm sure some of them aren't alleged anymore, I'm sure they've been prosecuted No, I represent people who are charged with crimes Whoever they may be So that could be alleged

But some of them now are Guilty No None of them have ever been found guilty No That's just definitely not true. Really?

I feel like there's probably a website where I could find all of your records and for sure that that's not the case. Nobody's ever found guilty? It depends on who your attorney is that you hire. I know that I fight for my clients no matter what position they're at.

No matter... Okay, but how is this a scam anyways? It's a scam because you're trying to take people's money away without actually having to work for. It's not their money. They're not even alive anymore. No, but it's been past...

Great news. The federal EV rebate is back. Eligible customers get up to $5,000 with the federal EVAP rebate on select 2027 volts and 2026 Equinox EV models visit your local Chevrolet dealer today for more details no they didn't have a will so it's unclear who is going to that's why you can claim it's yours yeah but by bloodline they should get it kind of like if you have kids you're gonna want to be able to pass it down to you well that's why I'll have a will that's why I'll have a will well you're smart enough to have a will some people

aren't okay well that's why you sue them and sue their families because the families are discombobulated And you fuck him up that way? You know that Mike Tyson line? Everybody knows what to do until they get punched in the face. Yeah, that's true. It's like these applies, but it's like when the head of the family can't get up themselves. You don't know what to do anymore.

And that's what you're willing to go through? No, you sue them. You sue like the mother or the children. You act like suing people is like really cheap. Well, what if you're just a lawyer? Like you, you would be pretty good at this, right? I guess. You know it.

I guess. You just don't want to admit that I have a really good idea. No. Did your family always want you to become a royal? A royal? Araya. Roya? What the fuck is that?

That's what your job? You're a royal? Aria. Probably a lawyer, because I don't know what you're saying. Well, they wouldn't pronounce it that way. No, they'll say lawyer. They were born here, your parents. No, they were not born here.

Okay, so they're not going to say, yes, son, please become a lawyer. They're like, I don't become a Roya, please. It's amazing that they were not born here, and they sound a lot better than you. There's no way they said they want you to become a lawyer. Yeah. They said, you know those Royas is my car out of manner.

They did not want me to be. be a lawyer. They hated the fact of doing that. I was a nurse and they thought that was the best. They wanted you to play baseball? No. Would you represent a child of a charge with kidnapping, first degree murder, arson, extortion, armed robbery, aggravated assault, human trafficking, wiring, fraud, racketeering, tax evasion, witness tampering, bribery, conspiracy, and obstruction of justice? I'll represent anybody who has a type of charge. Even that guy? It doesn't matter. He's a kidnap or tacted white, white collar, crime. this guy doesn't give a fuck.

It's almost like he's trying to do. Allegedly. Right here, right here. Allegedly, right here. Is it not assault? Allegedly. Just because the person allegedly has been charged with that does not mean they did it.

You can get charged with that. Does that mean you did it? No, I couldn't get charged with that. No, you can get charged with that. How could I get charged with that? Anybody can make it up. Yeah, well, it wouldn't go to court, would it? Oh, yeah, it would.

If a random guy said, I did human trafficking? It's not getting to court. It's getting into court, dude. No, it's not. For sure. Do you own this building? No, he does.

That's such a plant answer. You know, like, in your nose hairs, it moves every time you talk. I think that's an indicator that you're lying. My nose hairs? Yeah, it moves. I didn't even know I had it. It moves. It moves.

Who wrote this? Who wrote this? He just wrote it. Do you see that? Wrong number, dude. Go ahead. Why did you bomb Pearl Harbor? Didn't you realize that would just piss off the Americans?

I didn't bomb Pearl Harbor. Yeah, you did. I think you're going back to history. Like, you're so off with that. Your people did it. Which people? Listen, I know you said you're Filipino and that was the Japanese, but for purposes of being like, you know, within the culture or whatever,

you're basically Japanese. You're a lot closer to Japanese than I am to Japanese. Yeah, I can say that, but we didn't bomb Pearl Harbor. Filipinos didn't do that. Why did you bomb it? Nobody bombed it. Yeah, he did. I did.

Yeah. How? Well, not you, literally. When I say you, I mean, you people. No, Japanese people did it back then, not now. But didn't you realize that would just piss off the Americans? You couldn't have thought that that would go unanswered. I think the Japanese people wanted to attack America when they were at the weakest.

Well, that didn't work out. You know, history is history. I bet you guys regret it now, don't you? The Japanese people, I have no idea. You might want to ask them. I bet you regret it. I don't know. I don't know if I was doing anything.

You could just maybe look at the camera and say, I apologize Americans on behalf of my fellow people who made a big fucking mistake. Hey, guys, sorry for the interruption. I have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Rumble Wallet. Quick question. How much control do you really have over your money? Crypto started out as a niche, but now it's growing and becoming more mainstream. With Rumble Wallet, you can buy Bitcoin, whole dollar back stable coin,

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Rumble wallet can also be used to tip some of your favorite creators as well. Restrictions apply. There are a limited amount of entries available. Terms and conditions also apply. See the description below or visit Rumble.com slash promo official rules for more details. This is a paid advertisement from Rumble. Thank you to Rumble for sponsoring today's episode. Am I allowed to go around suing a bunch of people for money attempting to get default

judgments? You can sue anybody you want to as long as you have the money for it. Is that another good scheme? For default judgments? Like, I'll just sue a thousand people. Then you can do that. And like a hundred plus of them might just not show up and then I'll just win. That's if you can collect from them.

But sometimes they have the money. You got to target the right people. Yeah, well, no shit. When did I imply that I was going to be a fool about it and like serve up these papers to idiots? Because you're saying that you're going to be able to sue everybody just like, it's that simple. It costs money. bunch of papers. I'll do it myself. Or maybe I can just find a really nuts lawyer who will get in

on this scheme with me. It's up to you. Is it a good idea, though? Asking me a conversation between you and your lawyer, but for me now... Act as my lawyer for a second. Act as your lawyer? Sure. I don't recommend it. Why? Because it's a bad idea. And you have to have a lot of money for it. I'm not going to be a type of lawyer who just... Why would you have to have a lot of money for it? Because it costs money to sue people, and I'm not going to do that to you. I'm not going to do that to anybody. All right. I go after these cases if it actually has merit.

I don't scam people all of their money. I'm not talking about you doing it. I'm saying a person who's willing to spend their time doing this with no merit. They don't care about merit. They're just trying to make money. Yeah, but you can't make money if there's no merit behind it. There has to be some reason why you're going after these people. And if it's just frivolous, your shit's going to lose.

That's the point. They don't show up to court. It's a frivolous lawsuit. That's why you're trying to get a default judgment from them not showing up. They might not even think it's a real lawsuit You're suing them for like 700 bucks Yeah, you could do that but like Yeah, and then you'll win and they'll owe you 700 bucks

I'm not gonna do that But it's a good idea for somebody who needs to make some money Anything is a good idea for anybody It's not a good idea to chop your own fingers off And then sue yourself, right? So clearly there's a difference between good ideas And bad ideas Speaking of chopping your fingers off bro

Your nails are like all way down to his bone, bro Well, because I rip them off So I can look real, real homeless Okay I guess that makes sense Don't do it Don't do the default thing Don't do not do the default judgment

Should it be illegal To slap a bitch for yapping your ear off I believe It should be illegal For any type of assault And that's what it is right now But would you defend somebody who did that I'll defend anybody

Like they did it But it has married because she was yapping In his ear for too long I'll represent him And you would probably win that case Of course What would you say? Like, Judge, he was tired, he came home from work,

and she wouldn't shut her fucking mouth. No, no, no. What happened was she came in there and tried to attack him and in the process of trying to attack him. My client in self-defense punched her. Self-video footage? Yeah, let's assume there's video footage of this. I'm keeping that video footage out of court.

Nobody's going to see it. She has video footage. Take that shit out. You can't, you can stop it from going into court. There's different ways to do that. What are some of those ways? Hiring the right attorney. Like you?

Yeah. I'm saying, but what would you do to get rid of it? Obviously, I know that you're saying that you can get it out of court. Right.

How? I'm not going to say it on TV. You just have to hire me to find out. I've done it before. Yeah, but through what method? Through the Jayoma method? The Jayoma method. Is this like a surprise box?

The Jayoma fucking method. I don't know what character I'm going to get. I'm asking you what's, okay, the Joma method. Yeah. What's the Joma method to get evidence thrown out of court? You call my office,

you hire me, and you mean, I'll start doing my work. That's how I get that shit thrown out of court. Okay, hey, I'm on the phone. I go, hey, how are you going to get this video of me beating up a lady out of court? All right. So the way to do it is you make sure you get the retainer fee to my office and then I'm going to start doing my work.

And what does your work include? I need to know. I can't tell you that. It would compromise you because you're a snitch. So you're not going to give me an answer. It seems like you're just lying. Seems like that's not something you'd be capable of doing actually. You're funny.

Couldn't you argue that she was giving him a headache? So he kind of was. No. Feeling pain? No, no, no. The punch comes from self-defense. Or it just never really happened. Yeah, self-defense because she was giving him a headache. No, self-defense because she threw a punch at him. Okay, but that didn't happen, let's assume. No, it happened. But there's footage that it didn't happen. Allegedly there's footage, but that footage is not going to get in court, so therefore it never happened.

What is the J-O-Mah method? Like threatening the judge's family? No, we don't do that. Like going off to all of the people in the people- Here's the J-OMA method. Threatting them with a gun outside? Here's the J-Met method. You ready? Yeah. Every time you have a prosecutor in front of you when it comes to a case, you make an example out of them. All right, you embarrass the shit out of them.

You make sure that they don't win that case. And you tell them at the end of that trial that this is what's going to happen to you and anybody else that comes across my name. So if you see my name on the case, on Maton's criminal case, dismiss that shit or else it's going to come again. That's not the J-OMA method. That is a J-O-Methe. That is.

Finding the judge and the prosecutor outside and flashing a guy and saying, this means a lot more to me than it does to you if you fuck around with this case your family's not going to have any money and then I'm going to sue them because you won't have a will in prepared in time that's a good fucking scheme two and two in one you see the difference between me and Manitone is he has schemes I have actual real results well listen because I'm not a lawyer imagine if I was a lawyer and I had that legal power and I was going to do that shit you're not going to be a lawyer bro no shit there's no way no I won't be if you were a lawyer you put a yamaica in your head it's still not

going to help you if I was a lawyer against me with I was a lawyer I would absolutely pretend to be Jewish again. You will? If I was a lawyer, I would change my name. You got to change that. Well, I already have a pretty Jewish first name. I would be like Matan-Evenberg. Change it.

To Evanburg? Not to Johnson. Johnson? Yeah. Why? You could pass for it, Johnson. But that's like, could be Jewish, could be white. Right.

You're saying you look white. Well, if I was a lawyer. What would your last name be? I don't know, something like that. Like Berg at the end, something like that. Berg? Would it be illegal to just change my name to Alan Dershowitz? Possibly.

Why would that be illegal? Because you don't look like that guy? Is he still alive? Yeah. Yes, bro? So you're trying to take his identity? Not at all. Why would you try to take his identity?

Are you related to him? I'm not trying to take his identity. Are you related to Alan Dershowitz? Yes. Are you related to Alan Dershowitz? No. His eyes doing this. Yes.

Every time he answers my question, his eye does this. You know, I'm trained to find him. out a liar. I am trained to do that shit. In the middle of the point, I can see who's lying. You're really bad. Dude, he lied so many times. Let's keep going. Okay, but seriously, you want to answer my questions.

I get it. You're trying to be impressive by claiming you can do stuff that's obviously not real. But really, wouldn't that be kind of a good idea to change your name as a lawyer to Alan Dershowitz? No, because you're being a little bitch and you're riding a coat tails to somebody else. Who cares? I'm talking about me. Say, my name is Matan.

I'm better than anybody else out there. I don't care about my shther preferences. I'm going to make it. I'm going to be better to any podcaster out there and have that type of power. But if you're a lawyer and you name yourself

and you legally and it's completely allowed change your name to Alan Dershowitz, you'll probably make way more money because a bunch of confused people who will hire you as their lawyer. That's not true

and I'm staying to Jayoma because that's what I am and that's what I do. Because you're already know about that. You're already famous. People already know that shit. They really know what I can do

when it comes to these criminal cases. I'm not asking about you. I'm asking if, let's say I became a lawyer. So why would I change it to Alan Dersersers? I didn't say you would change it. I said if I became a lawyer. If you became a lawyer? Yeah, then it would be a pretty good idea because you're already well known. Yeah, but don't change your name to Alan Dershowitz.

Not the many people know that. No what? The name Alan Dershowitz. I imagine everybody in law does. No. Lawyers don't know who Alan Dershowitz is. He's probably the most famous lawyer in the world, I feel. No, no, no. I think the most famous lawyer is probably like Johnny Cochran. I feel like those two are probably tied.

Probably. But that's back then the old age. This is the new generation now. And so when people hear a lawyer, they think of Jayoma, right? If they're thinking of, like, lawyers who defend our assort, then sure. But if they're thinking about, like, lawyers who defend actual people with money, then no. They think about people who are accused of those type of crimes. Arson. G.

It doesn't matter. They think about Jayoma, right? And is it true that the lawyers can read the Enchantment Table? What is the Enchantment Table? It's that thing you used to. Enchant your items usually they're diving by that point. You don't want to enchant an iron version. I don't know man That sounds like some Pokemon anime. I don't know. I don't know what is enchantment well I thought lawyers had to study that in school In law school. I thought that was part of the bar exam

Enchantment no that sounds like some chemistry shit Way off way off What is your best advice for someone dealing with the squatter? Um just be like dude get the fuck off my property man like why you be in a bum get off my property the guy says no I have whatever

squatters rights they have a lot of rights in like California you know there are a lot of ghosts on this property and for you to stay here it's gonna hunt you for the rest of your life you don't want to do that you want me to pretend to be the squatter

now pretend to be the ghost okay I'll pretend to be the squatter because I don't give a fuck you're not scaring me with ghosts I'm crazy and I want to die so nothing you can threaten me with outside of legal stuff it's gonna matter to me

So what are you going to do on this property? I'm going to shit all over the wall. I'm going to make it unbearable for anybody to come here after. Who's going to come in your property? What? Who's going to come in it? It's not my property. I'm staying.

Well, you're staying in it. So it's your property for the time being. Who's going to come in your property? Who are you going to invite? Nobody. That's kind of a sad life to live. Okay. And you like that?

It's going to be more sad when you spend all your money trying to buy a house. And then I came over here and put shit all over the walls. The house used to be white. Now it's brown, but it was. Visit BetMGM casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager.

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because I've made it a bigger headache for you. No, I makes it look antique. I like it. Okay, he goes, okay, well, if you have any way to get me out of here, you let me know. Otherwise, block and you close the door on you. You can just, like, open a bear trap. Open a bear trap? Yeah, release the bear and...

Into the house? No, next to the house. So the bear, the bear goes to that side of the house. Well, you probably would go to jail if you tried releasing a bear on a squatter. I don't know, because the bear's going to do whatever's going to do. It seems like you don't really know how to handle squatters. I don't do that. I do criminal defense.

Ask me a criminal defense question. I'll tell you, I can handle that shit. Okay, a guy, he went to his house, and there was a squatter in it who was legally allowed to be there, and he blew his brains out. Well, if he blew his brains out, there's no criminal charge. He's gone. The bear blew the guy's brains out? No, the guy who owns the home, blew out the squatter's brains. and the squatter was a live streamer

so it's all on live stream okay I guess it never really happened I can see what allegedly those videos have just keep it out of court what fucking judge

would accept an argument like that do you think nobody ever questioned you on how you're getting these guys out of jail because you're either faking these videos or you're like threatening everybody in the court with the gun when there's like a break time

no there's no lunch time nobody's eating lunch when Jayoma's because there's a bunch of Asian-looking Mexican gangsters threatening everybody there. There's no fakes on these videos. That's the reason why people keep calling. And that's why you can do that? No way you can do that. Is that part of the bar exam? What is? I've been doing that since high school. No, you can't. Yeah, I can do that. Dude, Mike Mike stinks, bro.

Mike, Mike stinks so bad, bro. This is a simple of salt. You assaulted? Hey, Mike Mike, Mike. I got you a shirt by the way. There you go. Mike, Mike. Maton's mad.

I got you a shirt. No, you see, that's the reason why it would never have happened if he wore that shirt. Mike, you okay? Come here. Give me your hand. Give me your strong hand. You have cats. Mike!

Get him, Matan. Get him. Get him. There you go. Yeah, get that. Get that. Eat it! Yeah.

That would shut him up. You know what? That'll shut his ass up. Why are you going to get your fucking bullshit merch out of here? He's going to wear that shit. That has power. You know that, right?

You put that shit on, you're not going to get arrested. Probably the exact opposite. Really? You put on a Jayoma merchandise shirt. The police are looking at you like this guy's. Probably some sort of criminal who, I mean, no offense. I don't imagine many people are buying it.

I imagine you're just giving it to people you work with, right? No, no. People buy it. Okay, well, whatever. You couldn't really defend the squad or. situation. You can. Hey guys, start for the interruption. I have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Quo. Running a business means you're always reachable until you're not. And when you miss that call,

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Thank you to Quo for sponsoring today's episode. If two women argued that the same child was theirs, would a court solve this dispute by giving them each half of him? Like half? Like the top half and the bottom half? They'll cut him in half and they'll give each woman half of the child to solve the dispute because they're each claiming that their child. It depends.

Are you going to cut the child in half vertical or horizontal? I don't know. So to answer this question, no. You can't do that. You can't cut a kid in half. So how would they determine who the kid goes to? Because there's an answer. Whoever's the best parent?

All right, so you don't know the answer. I just said it. You'd think this legal guy would know all the answers. This guy's doing some crazy shit behind the scenes he's not telling you about. There's no crazy shit as all results. The answer is you say you'll split him in half and one of them will argue to give him to the other person. Yeah. And then you know that that's the real mother.

I guess you can say that. It's from King Solomon. Who is King Solomon? You're a fucking idiot. What book do you read? Straight from the Bible, you fool. Exactly. Do you ever regret helping

and murders get back on the street? I don't regret helping anybody who's charged with a crime. So you can be charged with... But no lawyer talk for a second. Let's just assume that some of the people you're defending actually did it. Doesn't matter.

Does it matter? No, because what determines whether a person is charged or goes to jail or doesn't go to jail is not what happens in real life. It happens in court. So if I can win that shit in court, then you avoid the whole jail time,

regardless of what happens in the real world. I'm asking if you ever regret getting these guys back on the street. No, I don't. Probably. Because I like seeing them smile. If you're a good lawyer, if you're a good lawyer, you've probably contributed to a lot of deaths. I contribute to a lot of deaths.

If you're a good lawyer, then yeah, you could say that. I'm a real good lawyer. Well, then yeah, you probably did, especially if you're a criminal defense lawyer for gangsters. Well, I help you. What do you think happens when these people who are obviously guilty, you get them free and they go back on the street? They're happy because I help them with a service and they're free. And if they get charged with a crime, they call me again. They're happy and they celebrate by shooting their neighbor in the stomach 40 times.

I guess that's a possibility, but it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Well, I don't really care. I know some people have an issue with lawyers. They say they're dishonest and they'll do anything for money. But who am I to say that when I would do anything for money? Those are allegations. Doesn't mean it's true. What's the point of hiring a lawyer when you could represent yourself?

for free. Because you're stupid. It's not. You'll save a bunch of money. Because whatever a lawyer says is argument. Whatever you say is evidence. So if you start arguing for yourself, you just incriminate yourself each time you talk. Let's say the judge asked you a question. You go, nah-a. Yeah, and I want to jail.

G-Oma's here. I'm not talking until Giamma gets here. No, no. You're representing yourself. You go, nah, I don't know. I want to go home. Say, all right, you got a phone call to your lawyer. I want to play games. Go home. No, but you have to be like the judge or whatever. The prosecutor, I don't know.

State versus Matan. Matine, you're charged with public exposure. No, I want to go home. You want to go home? I want to play games. Play game, whoa. I'm playing Minecraft. No.

You want to go to Roblock? What, the lawyers interact with me on this level? Yeah. The second he does this, I probably win the whole case. He's going to be thrown out and he's going to lose his license. That's when you call J-Lama. I just did that all by myself. What the fuck do I need J-O-B-M-J-O-M?

for. Then you fucked yourself up. You're going to lose. When West Jet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board.

Here's to West Jetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Big time. would you defend against that? Isn't that better than hiring a lawyer? If you hire a lawyer, they're going to charge you a bunch of money. If you go into court and start acting like a little baby and represent yourself, then they'll probably just let you go.

That's not true. That is. No. No. They will not let you go. You act like a little baby. The prostitues are going to eat that shit up. You're going to straight to jail.

I want black box. You can call the right person. I want a black box. I want cookies. Now. Go home. No. You're not going to go home.

Well, where are they going to send you to the table? No, no, we got a home back here. Okay. You want to go a big bob? Yeah. You want to go a big bob? Yeah. All right.

Walk backwards. With your pants down? With my pants down? Yes. You're saying that to a child? Are you a child? Well, clearly I'm behaving like one. Yeah, but are you a child in this scenario?

I would imagine if I'm speaking like this, I'm probably about eight years old. My time brought up age. I didn't. How are they? Don't try to get yourself out of it now. No, my time about age. Let's take their pants off. No, you did that.

Do you think judges, uh, Consider the PSL of the defendant during the sentencing. What's the PSO? It's like if the guy looks really good, he has a really good jawline, and he has hunter eyes. So he's eyes a real small. I don't think so. I think the judges look like, holy shit, we can't send that guy to jail. He looks way too good.

And he's like six foot three because he has height boosters. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Arara. Okay. There you are. If you were Osama bin Laden's lawyer, what argument would you make? make um we ask that um uh these ridiculous charges that he should be out on bond while i fight them

and get all the evidence and attack it um just based on his looks he is not what he appears to be he is no you fucking stupid ass lawyer that's not so samma bin laden right there you idiot we've been trying to catch him for like 20 years what are you talking about uh we just fucking brought him here from from afghanistan why would we let him out on bail he's not even from here he'll leave immediately. Everybody has a right to bail and be free from excessive bail. He's going to stay here in the United States and face justice. He's going to be in the jail cell.

You want Osama Bin Laden to stay in the jail cell? If he's alive and he might well be, I don't know if I believe that one guy. And we had him in America, then yeah, I would prefer he's in a jail cell. As opposed to what? Afghanistan? Possibly. Why would that be better? I don't know.

You tell me. How would I know? What would be a jail for like a Jewish person? What would be jail for a Jewish person? I imagine they don't go to jail very often. How often have you been to jail? I've never been to jail. Exhibit A.

Back to the thing about Osama. Osama, how would you defend him? I see my client has a right to bail and be free from excessive bail. His family's here. He has, his jobs are here, and he's just living his life. He doesn't have a job. He doesn't have any family here. He's from Afghanistan.

And I don't even know if he has the right to a lawyer, by the way. I don't know how he found you as a lawyer. I guess maybe because you're famous on TikTok. Somehow Osama bin Laden just knew who you were. No, he doesn't have any right to bail, and he'll be executed in the morning. I think Matan is attacking my client because of the bloodline disputes that they had in the past. So I think that he should not be able to represent the prosecutor's side. He's French?

He's not French. Regardless. Seems like you don't have a good way to defend Osama. Everything is in out with you, but not in a good sneaky way. It's always these very obvious outs It's like hey How are you going to get rid of a squatter? How are you going to defend Osama bin Laden

And you're like If I was defending Osama bin Laden I would ask for bail It's not going to happen Who does that? A genius I'm tinkering Then keep tinking

Do you sleep in a fish tank In hopes that in some billion years Your descendants will be able to breathe underwater I guess not in a fish tank, but more like I'm always at the jail, I'm always at the courts in a fish tank, because then in billions and billions and billions of years

your descendants will be able to breathe underwater. I guess so. Because they will go through evolution. Right. So do you do that? No. Why? Because I'm busy working, taking care of people.

Yeah, well, you're not working when you're sleeping. No, I'm working when I'm sleeping. No, you're not. Yeah, that's how I come up with my plans. You might be having like manic dreams and wake up sweating. Oh, I have great dreams. Regardless, you're not working when you're sleeping. That's just not what's happening.

That's you. I work when I'm sleeping. Are you like doing the assutating thing where you think she's like having lucid dreams is working? I don't know about lucy dreams. All I know is that I keep planning. He's in jail now. Maybe you should try defending him. Oh, he hasn't called my office.

So if he caused him office, I'll represent him. For free? Yeah. Why? It's a challenge. Why not? Interesting for you? It'll be very interesting.

I'm licking my lips just thinking about it, man. Like, I want to be able to attack his case. That sounds a little gay. You kept trying to call me gay, all of these things, and you're saying you're licking your lips thinking about him? No, I didn't say thinking about him. I see where your mind's going. I'm looking my lips thinking about a case.

But you're thinking about men. Tall men who are bald. That's what you're thinking about. Would it be illegal to trick Long Neck into flying into some rural country in Africa and then also bringing the four-striended? strongest man in the world to rip his limbs off all at once. Who is Ruhmic? Rural.

I didn't understand what you said, dude. Listen, if you're saying I sound- If your accent is so fucked up, if you're saying I sound Asian, that's fine, but you should understand that shit anyway. Matan, your accent is so, your American accent is so bad. Like, you need to rephrase the question, please. Would it be illegal to trick longneck

into flying into a rural country in Africa and then bringing the four strongest men in the world to rip his limbs off all at once. Yes. That's called kidnapping. What? That's not kidnapping. You buy him a ticket and you say, do you want to go? We're going to film a funny video there for your Instagram, Long Neck. That's kidnapping by trickery. It's not trickery. You're going to film a funny video with Long Neck in Africa.

No, but you're doing it with the intent to destroy him and hurt him. That's trickery. Okay, what if you decided only to do that when you got to Africa? At the time that you took him there, it's not trickery. But by the time you get there, you're committing a crime in Africa. So you might get charged over there. Nope. That's what I'm saying. In a rural country in Africa.

Yeah. I don't have any laws there. You're in like the middle of the desert. You give the president like a weird looking coin and he'll make you like the king of a city that doesn't exist for a million years. I guess so, but not here. Okay. So that would be legal. It's not legal because they have no court.

So there's no legal or illegal. Well, that would kind of just imply it's legal. No. Legal is just kind of means allowed, you know what I mean? If there's no laws, there is no legal or illegal. But it's fine. You won't go to jail for it. They don't have jails in Africa from what you're saying.

Well, not in this country. That's why I'm suggesting we do it there. Is that what you want to do? Well, yeah, he's coming in in a minute now. He's my next guest, Longneck. Or where's Longneck at? He's on the way. He's downstairs.

Why do you like Longnecks so much? I don't. He's just my next guest. Yeah. Do you like guys with Longneck? He's been delaying on me for a while now. Matan, do you like guys belong next? No, I think he's a horrendous looking person.

So what's a good looking person? A good looking person? Like a man or a woman? Men? In a way, just like objectively or like my personal preference? Your personal preference. What's a good looking man to you? Well, then I have no preference.

So you'll fuck anybody? I feel like you interpreted that the wrong way, so no. No, I'm interpreting like a regular person. What's your type? Of men? Yeah. Well, I don't have to. have a type I'm not attracted to men.

His lips are quiverin again. What an interesting observation. I wonder if at some point that actually did happen. Okay, well, that's you. We have to film with my next guest, Longneck now. All right, what's up? All right, it's Jayoma. Call me whenever.

Matan, you got me. Anytime you need me. I really mean that. I wonder what you're actually doing to get these people out of court. Come see me in court. Because when I asked you how to... No, come with me.

I encourage anybody to come see me in court. What was that? What was that? I'm establishing dominance over you. That's not how he's established dominance. This is how he stopped his dominance. By standing there with your own face on your own shirt? No, he flinched.

He flinched. He flinched at all. He flinchinged. His nose hairs went like this. Flinching in a way that could never be determined. No? There you go. Thank you.