The Matan Show - Matan, Felipe Esparza & "Eric Andre" Destroy The Studio

Episode Date: February 9, 2025

Hello everybody, welcome back to the podcast. For today's guest, we have Felipe Esparza. Welcome in. Now you can come in and sit in the middle. For today's co-host, we have Mike. Welcome in, Mike. Thanks for coming, I appreciate it. Thank you.

Please just, in case anybody doesn't know you, just please introduce yourself, tell them a little bit about yourself and all that one. What's up, fool? What's up, everyone? My name is Felipe Esparza. Stand-up comedian. I have a special coming out, Netflix, February 11th.

Thank you. Did you call them fools? What does that mean? Oh, that's like a slang for what's going on, friends, or what's up, pals. Oh, so it's not like an enemy or like a slur or something. I think if you never heard it, it might sound like a slur, but it's not like an enemy or like a slur or something. I think if you never heard it, it might sound like a slur, but it's not. So it's not like calling a Jewish person like a... Well, no, nothing like that.

But you know what? Instagram won't let you write fool no more. F-O-O-L. So you got to write F-O-O. Would a Mexican guy get mad at me if I went to his neighborhood and I said, what's up, you dumbass fool? No, I don't think so. If you would have said it like with a smile, he wouldn't get mad. What if I said it like this?

Like, what's up, you dumbass fool? I'll be back here in five with a gun. No, I don't think so. He'd be okay with that? I think everybody will start joking around that when you come back, they'll probably just give you a beer. They'll just think I'm like a **** or something? Probably, yeah. They'll probably give you a nickname, you know, like Muñeco or El Niño, the kid.

What does that mean? The kid. Muñeco means that? No, like a dog. I hope I'm not saying any swears or anything. A dog. A dog? A dog, like D-O-L-L.

Oh, how do you say dog? Perro. Perro, like perro, like it's a dog. I understand. But also perro could mean like something else, like a verb. Like, voy a ir a la tienda, pero primero, like, but. It also means but, like B-U-T, like, but, but before I go there. And you're Mexican?

Yeah, man, but I grew up in Los Angeles, Boyle Heights. And if somebody in Mexico comes out of the closet, do they get cancelled? Yeah, well, in my generation, like when I was a little kid, yes. So they'll get cancelled on Twitter? They'll get ostracized from the family. They'll probably get kicked out.

What about getting cancelled? They'll want to get killed. No, I don't know if anybody will be getting killed in my family. But you're a Mexican, but only in spirit. You were born there or no? I was born there, man. You were born there?

Did you immigrate here legally or illegally? Illegally. Illegally. Are you still illegal? No, I'm a U.S. citizen. You're a U.S. citizen now? And how did that happen? Oh, man.

I went through the whole process of learning. You got to learn, like, you got to learn, like, the civics of your country and the city. So there was a lot of questions I didn't know. Like, I really didn't know, like, the mayor of Los of questions I didn't know. I really didn't know the mayor of Los Angeles. I didn't know who she was. She's a bitch. Yes, I didn't know. So I did my test.

I didn't know the city councilman. Fucking stupid liberal. I didn't know the governor of California. He's a bastard too. I didn't know who Susan B. Anthony was. Now, let me ask you this. Do you agree with Trump's decision to free all of the hostages from J6? Well, some of them already, you know, it's like two sides of everything, man, maybe.

A lot of people that are going to get pardoned, they're already out of prison, you know. Yeah, well, do you agree with that? Because I'm ecstatic. I mean, I wasn't there on January 6th. I wish I was. Yeah, man. I don't know, man.

Whatever decision a president makes, it really has nothing to do with me. But I don't know, man. It's crazy, the world we live in. Would you have imagined? I mean, I don't know if you were still illegal back then, like five years ago. But I guess in the case that you were legal then, would you have joined them on January 6th? Had you had the opportunity? Oh, no, man. I would you have joined them on January 6th? Had you had the opportunity?

Oh, no, man. I would have not joined them. Why not? Because they would have probably caught me. Well, you would have got pardoned. No, man. They would probably have caught me. But I did see a Mexican there.

I have a, when I was watching the whole video. He's a fool. There was a guy there. Yeah, he was a fool. He was selling the whole video. He's a fool. There was a guy there. Yeah, he was a fool. He was selling hot dogs. Oh, that's smart. Like how they do outside of the Staples Center. Yeah.

So he didn't go to prison or anything. He was just taking advantage of the situation. Yeah, like if you watch some videos of January 6th, there's people like patriots rushing the Capitol Hill. But on the side, there's a guy there, a Mexican guy with a little... Like one of those little carts? Yes, man. He's making hot dogs because, you know...

Hot dog, hot dog, hot dog. Yeah, nothing says America, man, like rushing the Capitol and a good American spirit hot dog. I like that Mexican guy. Sometimes I get a little angry and stuff at other races but that's a good one but look about it man he saw an opportunity he's smart white people are gonna be there they love hot dogs i have hot dogs i gotta sell 100 hot dogs today i will say i don't know if he picked hot dogs because of the white people because they only i've seen those guys in places where you'd see black people like a clippers or a Lakers game,

and they're still selling hot dogs. No matter where you find those Mexican guys with the trucks, it's always hot dogs. Sometimes if it's, like, they'll switch up the toppings. Like, sometimes they'll fry the hot dogs at the Lakers games. With bacon around it, gross. Yeah. Well, no, that one with, like, a fried chicken mix. But maybe at, like, the Capitol dragged the capital they had like the bacon roast

the bacon rolls was that like when they put they roast the bacon and then they wrap it around the heart yeah i've seen that yeah but that's not good man i got um food poisoning from a hot dog like that with bacon it was not good you bought prefer without bacon you bought it from one of those guys yeah i ate two of them that's a bad idea with a lot of mayonnaise and um i don't know the mayonnaise was already open the jar so it had no lid but he was wearing gloves but but the the mayonnaise was outside of the refrigerator for about eight hours i'm about to get dysentery would you rather have a gay son or a daughter would i have a gay son or a daughter?

If you had to pick one of them. I know both are not, you know, your first pick. I have to pick one? Gay son or a daughter. And they're both looking at me, picking them, or they're like, not there? No, no, you're deciding, like, do you have any kids? Yes, I have. You would be, like like deciding your next kid.

He's not born yet or she's not born yet. Oh, I want a daughter. Really? You would pick the daughter? Yeah, I already have a son, so I want a daughter. No, but it's not any son. He's a gay one. Okay.

So it makes it even, well, I guess that would push you even more in the direction of a daughter. Is he a top or a bottom? He's a. Is he like the one with the hard top? Like, he's either a destroying man or he's being destroyed. He's being destroyed. Oh, okay. And then a woman.

Then a woman. But if it was the other one... I don't want something to be getting hurt out there. You don't want... Having sex. What if he... What if he was transient? Homeless? Yes homeless Oh that's sad

Would you rather have a homeless son or a daughter? Cause some people would have thought I meant like transgender I have a daughter man Daughter? Yeah Okay I understand I don't want a homeless man Or homeless son

What if No blame it on me Now I have a better What if it's a daughter Or a homeless man. A homeless son. What if... Don't blame it on me. Now I have a better... What if it's a daughter or a homeless man? Like, he doesn't grow up as a baby. He comes out of the womb as a homeless man. And he's, like, dirty. His fucking hair has shit in it.

I think a daughter, man. You sure? That, I might pick the homeless. Because that would just be a miracle. He'll be the next, like, Messiah. That's true. Like, John the Baptist or something. Something like that.

Do you think one day some Middle Eastern country will misfire and the bomb will end up in your house? No, that's too far. You never know. They're getting a little crazy out there. No, never. I think it'll get shot by by newfoundland or newfoundland yeah by canada it'll get shot somewhere somebody'll find out where it's going and shoot it before it gets to us well it's a misfire like you know they didn't mean to do it intentionally so it didn't pick

up on the radar and they're allies anyways the u.s and those jews i don't think i'll make it over here man i don't think because if i were to make it over here it would have made it already so you did you think i think we're just nah you just think it's not possible i think the if any country that has the capability to shoot a nuclear weapon that accurate from their country, I think their country will burn firing that weapon. Why is that? I think the pressure, you know, to shoot something that big. But it's happened before.

The U.S. shot nuclear weapons. No, but you're talking about us shooting them or them shooting us? Them shooting us, but it doesn't have to necessarily be nuclear. They're just taking down your house. What were they wanting in my house? It's an accident so they say, but who knows? Oh man, they know.

Right? I guess so. Do you think your Mexican ancestors would have laughed at your jokes or do you think they would have shot you with an arrow and then cooked you over a fire? I think they would have shot you with an arrow and then cooked you over a fire i think they were just my ancestors like how many how many generations back like my grandmother i think she like she would have loved my jokes my grandmother she would have been proud well no no no not like your

your like your family that you grew up with i'm talking about like your family from like not well i don't know if you want to consider them family but from back in the day maybe like 300 years ago nah i don't think they would have got it well what do you think how do you think they would have reacted they would have killed you with an arrow they probably ate me that's yeah that's the next part but they would have had to kill you first the other part would have hate me. Yeah, that's the next part. But they would have had to kill you first. Yeah, they would have killed me and ate me. So you think they would have done it with an arrow? Yeah.

And would you have been mad at that or you would have understood that they didn't understand your comedy? What's the joke you would have told them? I don't know. I think I would have told them something about about a hey man you guys are something like I don't know why you guys keep sending

all these virgins to this volcano a lot of these women you're sending here are not virgins trust me I know they would have fucking ripped you apart they would have chopped your legs off and hey we're killing too many virgins here man i mean all righty so it didn't rain this year they would have crucified a virgin maybe the man's fault i think that's bad man. I think any joke about showing a woman's side back then would have got me murdered. What do you mean? Like making jokes about women or like touching them when they don't want to?

Or showing the, like when I was doing my U.S. citizen test, I had to find out who Susan B. Anthony was, right? Who's Susan B. Anthony? I thought she was that white lady who killed her kids and blamed it on two Puerto Rican guys. But it was not. She was the one who fought for American civil rights for women. She was the woman who got women the power to vote for the first time in 1920 what a yeah so i didn't know that women couldn't vote till 1920 something no not like what a the system like that woman is a and now the and then so that means that black people were black men

were voting before american women which i didn't know know then. But they only had, what, was it like a quarter of a vote? It wasn't the full thing. I don't know. God save us. But the women couldn't vote until 1920. And that's crazy, man. And that's why it went downhill. I miss the old days.

Yes. So when I went to a rabbit hole, I found out that the... A rabbit hole? Yeah, you start going through it. You start digging through the grass. I found out that the pilgrims in Salem, you know, the beginning of America, they were not really burning witches, you know, the women that were accused of being witches. They were just dumb feminists.

Yes, they were side bitches, women with ideas, women who could read, women who were pregnant without being married. Because they would just blame everything on them. Like, oh, man, we couldn't get no rain this year. No crops. That bitch over there. Remember that one time she said that funny joke? So that's why I think my ancestors would have never understood my comedy

and they would have just killed me or sodomized me or did something really bad. Give me one second. Sure. Sorry, I don't want to get sued by Arrowhead. I know, man. They've made some issues in the past. It's all about sparklets. Sparklets? Is that like a drug of some sort in Mexico?

No, it's Arrowhead's competitor of water. What, it's like the pop rocks that explode in your mouth? Mm-hmm. Hey, guys, sorry for the interruption. I have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Price Peaks. Price Peaks is the best place to get real money sports action. For example, all you have to do is just pick more or less on two players, and you'll have a chance to 1,000 times your cash.

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But the biggest mass deportation of immigrants was during President Obama. That's the record, but Trump wants to beat him. He wants the Guinness World Record. It's going to be hard because he didn't beat his record his first term. Don't forget, Obama had two terms. When he left office, his nickname was reporter-in-chief. So if your name is reporter-in-chief, that means you deported a lot of muskets that was a good thing he did though yeah i mean i don't like obama because of some things i'm not gonna say on

youtube but i think that that was a good thing and i think if trump can beat it i mean you like i know you said you're legal which i don't believe but i don't want to praise you about it are you are your family like a little bit worried that're going to have to go back to where they came from? My mom and my father, they became a U.S. citizen before me. And my father... Did they divorce each other and marry white people? And it doesn't work that way because I married a white woman and I thought that as soon as I get married, they gave me like a Captain America suit and I become a U.S. citizen. But I didn't, man.

What happened instead? I had to actually go through a process and pay for lots of money. You had to pay money to become legal. That's a smart system. Yeah, like $7,000 it cost. You know, well, there's a lie that the people, the original, what they said is Columbus discovered America and then they took it back and they said it was the natives who were here first. But I think it was Einstein. Who?

Albert Einstein. I think he discovered it. He traveled, he did the math equation and then his head exploded. E equals MC squared. Something like that. Yeah. Now, a lot of people know you because you were the you were on the eric andre show yes man thank you why do you think people keep comparing me to eric andre Whoa! I don't think they'll compare you to him anymore. You think the comparisons will finally stop?

They'll definitely stop after this. Ever since my first episode, people keep asking me about it. Because you're more real. That was not even a stunt. It was just non-real controlled violence. In Eric Andre, it's fake? Well, it's rehearsed. Do the guests know about it? No. In Eric Andre, it's fake? Well, it's rehearsed.

Do the guests know about it? No. So it's, I guess, similar to this one. Yes. But you didn't know we were going to do that? Hell no. Hell no. I'm in shock.

But it was pretty good. That guy was swinging that sledgehammer like a professional guy. That was him. Did you see Yadid Al-Froh and everything? Yeah. He was back. He looked like him. Season 2. That was wild.

Okay, we'll get back to it. I just wanted to clear up the comparisons for everybody who keeps asking me to do the That's wild Okay we'll get back to it I just wanted to clear up the comparisons For everybody who keeps asking me Since you're on the show We can continue But we do have the same hair you and I We have a similar hair

Yours is like more Mexican style And mine is like I'll be balding probably when I hit like 30 And then I'll have like the Larry David hair, unfortunately. I want to avoid it, but I don't think there's anything I can do. Just start saving a little bit from this side so you can just bring it back one day. Just glue it on?

Start working it like this. When people lose their hair nowadays, they go to Turkey and they glue their hair on their heads. Yes. The guy that did our fixed part of our house, he went to Turkey and he took a picture of the people on a plane and they all have bloody heads. How can we prevent future child stars from s***ty assaulting their managers? Have their father around all the time in a room. What if they don't have a father?

Don't be an actor. Maybe they're from the hood. What if the mother is pushing them towards it? Grab an uncle. What if the uncle also left because he had a son too and he didn't want to take care of that bitch? Just tell your kid you're not going to make it.

He's not going to make it? What if he's already famous? He's already a star. How bad do you want this kid? What, what? Okay, we'll take it to the next step. They've already started s***ty assaulting their managers. How can you stop it from happening?

They're like the big... They're as famous now as, like, Macaulay Culkin was when he was a kid. And, like, they just won't stop groping their managers. How old is the actor uh six and a half years old 16 okay no six or six six and a half almost seven that's a wild kid it must be benjamin button yeah i don't know man i would just um put the kid in therapy and tell him you know man you're going down a dangerous path, son.

Do you think it would be okay to let the manager get in and get one of his own licks on the kid, you know what I mean? Nah, man. Not like physically licking, well, I guess that would kind of, you know what I mean? Nah, then it's illegal. Yeah, that's true. Do you think all lives matter or just some certain light color, light skin, lives matter? I think all lives matter or just some certain light color, light skin, lives matter? I think all lives matter, man.

Depending on what you're doing. Like, I don't know, man. Very touchy. Like, do all lives matter? Black lives matter? Or yellow lives matter? And when you say yellow, you're referring to Chinese? Hey, man.

Whoever it is for man you matter. Because they started the liberals they're trying to like be they're trying to get on it like when I say there's so many immigrants from China they're saying from China or from Asia and then when I say same shit they get mad at me and they say

there's a difference. Because Russia is in China. Russia is in Asia right? is in Asia, right? What's Asia? That's where the Chinese guys are from? Asia is the continent where Chinese people and Japanese and Vietnamese are from. The only other one besides the Chinese I know is the Japanese, but that's only because Logan Paul filmed that body there.

But that's only like... I heard about that. Yeah. That was a park, right, where they go commit suicide? It was like a national forest. Suicide, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, that's just where people commit suicide.

I don't think they wanted people to do it there because their population is plummeting. That's funny, man, that the Japanese have a park where you go commit suicide and you kill yourself. But here in California, we have a place called Hollywood where you go commit suicide and you kill yourself. Yeah. But here in California, we have a place called Hollywood where you go kill yourself slowly throughout the year. Yeah. Well, I think Japan is more quick, you know.

Like in Hollywood, they'll just like, you'll just have, so I've heard, maybe you know, you're more famous than me. You'll have like those old guys touching you with the child actors and stuff. We also have a place in San Francisco where it was known for suicide. The bridge, yeah? The bridge, yeah. I saw one video of that guy who said he jumped off it and he survived.

I think we should take him out once and for all. I'll let you hear that story. I don't know how much of his face is left, but who knows. My father told me that when he was driving on Hollywood Boulevard, he was on the 101 and Hollywood Boulevard,

he saw a white woman jump off. A white woman jump off what? She just jumped off the bridge and landed in front of In Hollywood Boulevard? Yeah, she jumped off the Hollywood Boulevard and landed on the 101 North. And that's why there's a gate now, because people used to jump off the bridge.

Maybe she thought she was going to be... Maybe she wasn't even suicidal. Maybe she thought she was Superman. Maybe she thought she was going to get a role on Willow Fort, on The Price is Right, as the model, and they said, nah. Maybe she thought that if she survived it, like, maybe she would lose half of, like, her body, and then she would be, like, be able to write a book about it.

Like, how I survived the big fall of Hollywood Breach to the 101. I think she survived, though, man. She survived it? Maybe, I don't know. She might be, like, a celebrity now. She's selling books to people in therapy, trying to convince them that you can survive it too. Just take the chance and try to fall.

Yeah. You mentioned earlier you married a white woman. Yes. Why did you do that? Don't they refer to them as the devil where you are from? No, man. Where I'm from, we consider them Pamela Anderson. Is that like a good thing or an insult?

Well, for us, like I had an uncle that was dating a white woman. Your uncle was dating Pamela Anderson? He wishes. It was more like honey and boob with mom. Oh, yeah. The way he described her back home, it was a big exaggeration. He goes, hey, how's your girlfriend? He goes,

and then, like, everybody heard Pamela Anderson, and, like, what? Who? Pamela Anderson. Pamela Anderson. She was more like, um, she was no Pamela Anderson. She wasn't even like,

she was like Honey Boo Boo. She was like, what, nine years old, probably? She was more like Honey Boo Boo's mom, bro. Was she underage? The mom. No, I know, but maybe he was actually

trying to date Honey Boo Boo instead, just a little kid. Nah. No? That lady was big, bro. I don't think there was enough room for anybody else. That's true.

They were... She had boobs like right here and right here and right here. And probably like on her forehead and in her cheeks. She was a lot of layers. On her back. But that's okay.

She made everything. She made everything she made. I remember that. Her food was very white, you know? She made stuff like that. I don't know if your mom did this. I know my mother never did this. Like her oil, Crisco, it had a menu in the back.

There was a recipe. You take out the wrapper, and there was a recipe for a cherry pie or something. And then she would cook the stuff, the menu from the wrapper, man. That, I mean. Like, who knew that? It was a recipe, right? I don't know. I've never even attempted to cook any food, so I've never, like, looked at the bottles.

Okay. I just, like. What's your favorite food? When I was in school, like, I sh** my teacher. But, no, no. My favorite food, maybe, like, pizza. Simple answer. Forgive the thing I said about the teacher, by the way.

We'll move on. Do you think it would be unethical to give homeless people dissolvable money? Very unethical, man. Why is that? You might as well just give them a fist bump. It'll be worth more. Fist bump to the fucking jaw. Just go, what's up, man?

That'll be worth more than disposable money. But the thing is, if you give them the disposable money, it could be like a funny prank. Record them like Logan Paul to that guy in the forest, and you'll have like a good YouTube short. I don't know, man. I think people might attack you for that. The homeless might, but as long as you hire somebody to protect you, you could be okay. I think you get attacked for being good or nice now on social media. If you're giving away somebody $1,000, somebody

will write. Why you gotta record it? Why can't you just give them $1,000 and get the fuck home? Or if you course two bums fighting and you give them $1,000, oh man. You're taking advantage of people by giving them $1,000.

I love bum fights. I love bum fights. That's the best. I love when the guy gave the guy, I don't know how much, $100, and he got some pliers and he put his tooth out. I haven't seen that one, but I wanted to. Those bum fights won the video. Is that the first one? Man, and there was a guy there.

They paid him $60, and the guy followed him with a camera and he broke into like 50 cars wow that guy's a fucking legend he has the Guinness World Record and then he put his tooth out oh so it's the same guy who did all of that

I wanted to start my own 2025 version of bump fights but when I looked over the legal stuff I realized there might be a little bit of trouble. The lawyers will argue that the homeless people are so crazy that they can't

legally sign to fight each other. I know, man. I thought it would be a good idea to get the homeless. Every day, I don't know where you live, but if you live on Figueroa and 38th Street, there might be a homeless man that's always there, and everybody knows him as the homeless man from 38th. Or downtown LA, there might be a guy who dresses up like a pirate.

Yeah. And then when I lived in Glendale, there used to be a woman. She used to just lay down on Central on a blanket. She was blonde. I thought it would be cool if we get all these homeless people together and have like the homeless games homeless games or like squeak games like the homeless games man you go representing glendale avenue we got this lady right here hey guys sorry for the interruption i have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by sheath

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However, my producer Mike, a different Mike from the last one, told me I have to do it again and say that urologists recommend sheath. Wow, sheath is just amazing and it helps give you less rashes. And I love sheath and stuff like that. If you want to get some sheath for yourself, go sheath.com that's s-h-e-a-t-h.com and use code matan m-a-t-a-n to get 20% off your order that's sheath.com s-h-e-a-t-h.com and use code matan m-a-t-a-n to get 20% off your order thanks to sheath for sponsoring today's episode the loser loser goes to live in a conservative city like Orange County. No. No, that's the winner gets to live there.

If you lose, you have to go beg money in Westminster, California. I don't know if we can get them to sign off on it, but we offer like a homeless person $100 to take a kidney. Sell that shit for like $100,000. I don't know how good that kidney is going to be, man, being that he's homeless and alcoholic and heroin. Somebody will buy it. Like, maybe not somebody to use it,

but there will be like some sick-ass guy who wants to fucking eat it or something. I don't know, man. I don't think a lot of people out there are looking for organs from homeless people. Well, we don't have to say that it's homeless. We could say it's from... We could say that it's the organ of Jimmy Kimmel. Or people who want to be in America really bad and be U.S. citizenship will tell him, man, hey, man, you want to be an American?

Si, I do. You want to give up one of your kidneys? There's a real American that needs your kidney right now homie and he goes alright you get a healthy kidney from somebody think about it man here's somebody who came from

Uruguay or Paraguay and went through Ecuador made it through El Salvador made it through Honduras made it through Mexico made it through El Salvador, made it through Honduras, made it through Mexico, made it to San Francisco. And now somebody approaches him and goes, listen, man, you traveled this far. Are you willing to give up one of your healthy-ass kidneys? We have a little white girl who's dying who needs a kidney.

We'll give you a citizenship. Would you take it? Of course. But do we let him in after or no? Yes. No. Yes, man. He saved somebody.

No, no. What we should do is we should have him agree to it and then once he's done with the kidney, don't wrap him up after. Leave him dying on the operating table and then once he's gone for good, we can take the rest of his shit

and sell that too. Then we could just get one from any country like India or... no nobody wants an indian organ you start smelling bad why do you think indian people get so mad when you try to redeem a gift card i have no idea man they start going fucking nuts i mean i didn't know that you never heard about that No when you try if you go to the store and you buy a gift card something that Indians have like Camera, so they'll be able to watch you and you'll get a phone call saying that you're they're logged into your PayPal They're trying to fix it. But the fee is you whatever your gift card is. Oh It's like those scammers You could scam a credit card at that um that's how they do it

when you have Vons and they got the little the little cards for $50 $100 $200 all you're gonna do is grab those cards and then take it to the bathroom and then take it out scratch out look at the number write it down and then when you go home you just wait you log in it won't work though you know you have to you log in and you wait for them to check you log it in and then you take all the money out that's extremely i thought you yeah that's smart you know what's even smarter you send in somebody who tries to return the card a second later so they see that that guy doesn't have any time.

He immediately returns it. Like he'll just stand there and think about it. But he's really giving a text. He's giving you a cue to redeem. Do not redeem it. You know what I mean? That's smart. Why don't you try making your own podcast called the Felipe Rogan Experience?

Rogan or Rogaine? It would be the F-R-E. Felipe Rogan experience Rogan or Rogaine it would be the fr e is Felipe Rogan experience my name is now Rogan yeah Felipe don't get it Felipe I'll cut it off for the best part is the experience and how would you do that well what would you talk about on that just me no no host I would just talk about my everything my like what happened today like today I went to my acting class and I was high through the whole time and that's all learn stuff you wouldn't want to have on like

doctors who are out of their mind I don't know any doctors you could find them go fucking I mean go check out Instagram you'll find like 40 of them in a minute. All the doctors I met, I don't think they're real good doctors. Like, I meet doctors on airplanes who are sitting on middle seat with free headphones. Come on, man. If a baby is crying on a plane, should a stranger be allowed to get involved and slap the taste out of their mouth? I think no, man. But if a baby's crying, because

that's not your baby. But they're waking you up. It's giving me a headache. Hey, man. Being in an airplane with a bunch of people, whether their feet stink and somebody's crying and somebody wearing a MAGA hat. That's what happens when you get into the audience.

There's a baby crying. There's a guy next to you wearing a MAGA hat. Yeah. There's a woman eating organs. There's a baby crying. There's a guy next to you wearing a MAGA hat. Yeah. There's a woman eating garlic. There's a guy feeling himself in the back. There's nothing you can do about these things. This is a fucked up plane. That's part of being in a situation. You have one American patriot and a fucking pervert and an Indian and a crying baby.

Man, unless you're in first class, there's nothing you can do about that because we're all in this together. What if they make, what if the solution for crying babies on airplanes is they make them their own class, but there's no chairs. They just throw them in the trunk and hope they survive.

I think what a person, what I would do if I had a crying baby, I would show up with nine pairs of earplugs and a little bag of candy and a little note that says, I'm sorry, but my son might cry. And here's some free earplugs, put them on. Here's some chocolate. Eat this while my son is crying. And what else can I do?

At that point, if you're going to do that, you might as well just give yourself earphones. The other people can go fuck themselves. But what I don't like is when the woman has a baby and is crying, and she's crying, and the baby's crying in her seat. Stay in your seat.

But then she's walking with the baby, and the baby's crying down the aisle. Oh, she's walking with a baby and she's the baby's crying down the aisle it's like oh she's like walking and back and forth back and forth like it's like she's telling everybody every passenger have you heard my baby cry yeah have you heard my baby that happened to me one time we heard your fucking baby cry go back to your seat yeah that's fucking horrible i was one time i was flying to i think I think maybe it was like Nashville and it was this lady doing that. So I went like this when she walked past me. I stuck my leg out and she fucking.

Stepped on you or walked over? No, she tripped and fell over. I mean, she was fine after. I said it was an accident and then she got mad because she knew it wasn't an accident. But the flight attendants thought it was. So they kicked her off of the plane. Oh, man. Same thing with me man i was i started arguing i started arguing with um some gentleman that was sitting in front of me because i was saving a seat on southwest for my wife

so this guy wanted a seat but my wife was already sitting there she went to the bathroom and she put her sweater down i said my wife went to the bathroom, and she put her sweater down. I said, my wife went to the bathroom. She'll be back. Sure she did. I thought she really went to the bathroom. So then him and I started arguing. And then the flight attendant said, do you know this guy? And I said, I don't know him, but when we land,

I'm going to really get to know him. Right, sir? We're going to get to know each other, you and I. What did he respond to that? Oh, man, he almost peed on his pants. How did he look? What was he looking like? They almost kicked me off the plane, too, for threatening somebody.

Oh, really? I think you should. I mean, I think that if you want to get a cheaper plane ticket, it should be allowed. Like, fighting should be allowed. They can televise it. Look, man. That's how they make up the money. If you want to go on a cheaper flight, like Flair or Spirit or Frontier, it's up to you, man. You heard of the airline Flair?

I haven't heard of that. What is that? Is that real? Flair is when you have no fare. No Flair? Very no Flair about that plane. There's some pun in here. I'm just not understanding it.

I'm trying to figure it out. I don't know, man. I never heard of flair, too. I worked with a comedian in Canada, and he had a whole bit about flair. What's his name? Marito. Marito?

That's not a Canadian. He's an illegal Canadian from the southern border. Right. He's a Salvadorian living in Alberta, Canada. He fucking, how did he sneak in there? He snuck through America and went there? I have no idea. Maybe he just kept running and nobody told him to stop.

Yeah, but he just didn't know when to stop running? Somebody should have told him, hey, man, you're going to cross another border. What a fucking moron. He made it all the way to Alberta, man, nonstop. Well, I guess it worked out for him. He don't even speak Spanish. Okay, so this guy, he's not even an immigrant. Beyond an immigrant, he actually is autistic.

He was born in Alberta. Is he autistic? Does he have retardation? No, but he's short. Short? And does his face look a little funny and the eyes? He looks like he could have been in that movie Apocalypto. Apocalypto?

Does that mean apocalypse? Yeah, apocalypse. The Mel Gibson directed movie about the end of the Mayan Empire. Yeah. Would you sue People Magazine if they listed you as the sexiest man alive? No, man. You wouldn't sue them? I think somebody will come out and sue that magazine for lies.

Sue them on your behalf? Blatantly lies. I know I'm not the sexiest man alive, but I've been considered that by my wife at 3 in the morning. Are you married or is she just your girlfriend? No, she's my wife. We've been married a long time now. And do you cheat on her or no?

No, I don't cheat on her. Well, you do, but does she know about it yet or not yet? No, she don't know because I don't. I mean, I wouldn't snitch on a fool. Do you cheat on this guy? I'm not gay. But if I was, I'm not in a relationship, but if I was, I wouldn't, you know, like I'm not cheating or nothing, you know. I would immediately cheat if I had the opportunity. Do you think people have the possibility to change their sexual preference?

Like if a person started off as a full-on homosexual, do you think later on in life when he's 50 or 60 years old or 40 years old, that's a good age, 40, can they decide to be a homosexual or bisexual or decide not to ever have sex again. I usually hold pretty conservative views, but I guess this one wouldn't be. I think that if somebody is gay, they're born like that, but then bringing it back to conservatism. I think if they want to change by their own volition, we can shock it out of them, so you say. That's what they used to do back in the 80s.

The issue is that some of the times the people would come out like your friend who crossed the border but it might be better than that in some cases you know what i mean i think if they're born gay they can change it just they need to be shocked a little bit yeah my brother's gay that's what i know oh really yeah sorry to hear that it's not his fault are you still talking to him after he said that to hear that. It's not his fault. Are you still talking to him after he said that to you, that he's gay or no? What? No, I knew he was gay when we were little.

Sometimes you just know, you know? Because we're playing with our G.I. Joes and he's dressing them up. I thought that was going somewhere else when you said you guys were playing with stuff. I was like, I don't know where this story is going. I might have had to cut it out, but we'll continue. Do you ever take things from the store without paying? No, I don't. Why not?

Because I steal and I look like a shoplift already. I look like somebody's going to steal. Well, that's why it's good because you're going to get stopped by the police anyway, so you might as well figure out a way to do it productively. But I don't steal. But you know what? When I'm walking at Walmart or Target or any store,

and if I see a bag of cookies that are open, I won't take it. I'll eat it. Oh, but it has to be opened already? Yes, but the cookies have to be far from where cookies belong. Like, if I'm walking, what? And I'm trying out tennis shoes, and I look up at size 13, and then there's a bag of cookies that are already open, I'm going to be like, what?

How did you get up there, baby? I'm a little more direct about it. You're far from home. I'll just start opening stuff and then eating it. Oh, no. I'll consider it like a, like, you know up there, baby? I'm a little more direct about it. You're far from home. I'll just start opening stuff and then eating it. Oh, no. I'll consider it like a... Like, you know when you're gambling? Well, I don't gamble because I'm 17,

but you know when you're gambling and they'll bring you like a beer to entice you to keep playing? Yes. Like, I'll start just eating stuff and drinking stuff as like an enticement to keep shopping, and then I'll end up buying nothing. But, you know, just to try it out

and make sure I'm having a good time. I think you should do that, man. That's what I do, yeah. But what would you buy and what would you eat? Just whatever I can find. What's your favorite food? Tacos? No, I'm not a Mexican, but maybe like, I guess pizza, but they don't usually have that.

Just usually like chips or something, just open a bag, just try to. Well, next time you eat a pizza, just fold it in half and then you can have a taco. And then put like some beef in it? Put some beef, some hot sauce. And you said you have a new special coming out or did it come out already? February 11.

Raging Fool on Netflix. Now, let me say though that we're going to end the episode here because Long Neck is coming in after you in five minutes. Long Neck? Long Neck. Wow, that's a skinny kid. Yeah, he's promoting his special.

He has a new comedy special coming out. I didn't know that kid lived out here. It's releasing on February 11th. It's called The Raging Moron. He's releasing his special. Which one do you think will get a higher rating? Long Neck. He has more followers than me.

Yeah. I heard. He has two girlfriends, right? I don't know. I need to interview him. I need to ask him about it. Man, that guy, him and his friend, that fat dude with the smallest penis. Is that who his friend is?

I don't know. He has a friend that wears a little thong, and they're always eating and throwing food at each other. But that guy is, I think that guy is the only fans. Yeah. I think Long Neck does too. Yeah.

He has a real long neck. Poor kid. Have you ever met him? I never met him, man. Well, you'll see him on the way outside. He looks like a rooster. Usually when the guests get here, I'll say hello.

I'll tell them to stand there while I introduce myself. But whenever Long Neck's about to be here, I'll say hello. I'll tell them to stand there while I introduce myself. But whenever Longneck's about to be here, I'll get that bat ready and I'll just start speeding it like they do when they're about to hit the home run. But that's it. Thanks for coming on. I appreciate it. Thank you, brother. You gotta get ready for Longneck

coming in. So guys, please check out Longneck's special coming out. Longneck is gonna be on next week's episode. And then the one after that and the one after that. Are you excited to watch them? Yes, February 11th. Raging full on Netflix, homie.

Raging moron. Long Neck is releasing February 11th.