The Matan Show - Matan Interviews an Uber Driver Off The Street

Episode Date: December 8, 2024

Hello everybody, welcome back to the podcast. For today's guest we have an Uber driver. Welcome in. Now you can come in and just sit in the middle. Thanks for coming, I appreciate it. Hey man, sure. Just to give a little bit of context, what is your name? Joe. We just got Joe here, we ordered a ride and then cancelled it and offered for him to come on the podcast. Thank you so much for coming. If you could just pull the mic close to your mouth.

All right. How's that? That should be good. So please just, I guess, introduce yourself, who you are, what you do. Give them a little perspective on that. Sure. I'm Joe. I'm a theater and film director. And for part-time work, among other jobs, I drive Uber. So that's pretty much the sum total of it right there.

That's good. Let me ask you this question. Yeah. If being an Uber driver doesn't work out, would you consider jumping in front of traffic and committing insurance fraud for monies? You know, that's tempting. In fact, driving Uber, I'm often tempted to do that just as an Uber driver. Yeah, yeah. Would you ever do the thing where you're actually, you just back the car up into the guy behind you and then you act like you hurt your head? Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah, it depends who the guy is, but sure. Yeah, why not? Yeah. Who would you want to get it on? Like, what would be the look of the person behind you? The look of the person? No. No.

No ethnic groups. No ethnic groups. No, no, no. Just annoying people. Is there any specific race that doesn't tip particularly well? That doesn't what? No, I haven't noticed that, actually. Sorry for the cut.

I had just gotten a text message from Mike, who will be the co-host. He is a little bit late. We'll see him in a little bit. Sorry about that. No problem. No problem. Okay, let's continue. Are you ready?

I'm ready. Why did Satan decide to take all of Abraham's cash instead of winning the grand prize of a billion rupees? Well, you know, that's one of those unanswered questions. I think you have to go to the, what are the mystical books of the Torah? Yeah, I read that in the Indian transcription of the Bible. Oh, yeah. Those guys are getting wild out there. Oh, they are, I tell you. You can't keep them down on the farm. Oh, yeah. There we go.

On the farm? What is that reference to? That's just an old saying. You can't keep them down on the farm. Once you've seen the city, you can't keep them down on the farm. And... I mean, as an Uber driver, do you have the option, like, do you see who, like, the face or a picture of the person you're supposed to pick up? No, it's an unpleasant surprise.

Oh, really? No, it's actually usually a very pleasant surprise. You don't see who you're picking up, no. So you couldn't, for example, see one of those guys we were just talking about and just, you know, he'd cancel because you're scared? I'm scared of the guy? No. And something tells me they wouldn't take pictures that look intimidating.

So you'd never be able to tell. Well, you would just be guessing based on how they look. How they look, yeah. They would be trying to submit a more, you know, nice and casual picture. Right, right. But I'd see through that and say, oh, they're going to be terrible passengers. Yeah, so always judge a book by its cover, actually. Always, always.

Why not? Why not? And so how many hours do you usually work a week on Uber? Like how much money can that translate into? Well, I don't take a lot of the really long trips that pay a lot because I just don't want to get stranded hours outside of LA and be stuck having to get back in. And so, I don't know, just keeping a bit of a limit on where I'm going, I usually try to work, I don't know, six or eight hours a day, maybe five days a week. And that'll pull in. And that could translate to how much do you think?

It really depends. You know, the problem with Uber, if I may say, is that they kind of treat their drivers like lab rats. So they'll experiment on them and say, you know, if you drive a little extra this weekend, we'll give you this amount. You say, oh, that's great. That's a good deal. And then they'll just suddenly cut that and say, no, why? Why give that to the driver? So they'll come up with something else that, you know, sounds good on paper, but maybe isn't so good. So it just, it depends.

You start relying on a certain amount coming from them, and then it's a whole new ball game because they're just experimenting. Do you think the number, do you think the amount of money that you make would increase if you locked the doors until the passengers gave you a nice tip? Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, yeah.

You can use that one. Hey, yeah, yeah. Or just keep driving them around. Never, just don't stop until you get it. You know how in like the hood, the cashiers like at the 7-Elevens will have the bulletproof glass? Right, yes. You could just add that to the front and then add a little peephole and just tell them,

you're not getting out of here until you give me at least $40. I just drove you. I want some cash. I'm liking this idea because a lot of people don't tip at all. Some people don't tip at all? Oh, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, the way Uber- Would Uber ban you for shooting a passenger? You know, from what I've heard about other Uber drivers, I don't think they'd care that

much, you know. I've heard from passengers that some Uber drivers are nuts and they just, they're just terrible to the passengers. And I don't know why you would do that because the passengers are usually pretty nice. But the way Uber was set up, it was set up to be where you didn't have to tip. You didn't have to worry about that. You just pay at the beginning, and everything's all set. Are you allowed to pay cash in Ubers?

Oh, sure. If people want to give you a tip in cash. No, no, not tip in cash. Can you pay the whole? No, no, no. You pay it on your credit card before the Uber even shows up. What if you,

because when you canceled the ride, like when I got you here. Yeah. Oh, welcome in Mike, the co-host. Welcome him in. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. A terrorist co-host?

Yeah. That's fabulous. He's from Iran. Well, he's not a terrorist. He co-host? Yeah. That's fabulous. He's from Iran. Well, he's not a terrorist. He's just like a... He's just shy. He's just shy. He's just very shy.

He doesn't want to show his face. I can't blame him, you know. He had to grab something. He'll be here back in a minute. All right. If I had that face, I'd want to hide it too. You know, that's my feeling. Yeah, he has a disturbing face.

It's a little bit off-putting, but you know, it's... You know why? Why? It's because he paints his hands whiteting, but you know. Yeah. You know why? Why? It's because he paints his hands white because he wants people to think he's white. But if he paints his face, then people are going to think it's racist. Oh, you know, yeah. That could get you in trouble. Yeah.

It could get you in trouble. Yeah. Would Uber fire you for doing that face? I think anybody would. That would be pretty funny. To some, I guess. That wouldn't be funny to you. That would be kind of horrible.

But yeah. Panda Express is adding a new limited time item called Kung Pao Bulldog. Are you going to try it? Well, it depends. It has to be tender bulldog because you don't want to just have any bulldog. They're experienced. Oh, they're experienced bulldogs. Well, you know.

No, no. The bulldogs aren't experienced. The cooks there are. Oh, that's good. That's good. They can make it taste like chicken. No, they just know how to perfect the taste of dog. Oh, dog.

Yeah, well, you know. They've been eating it for a while. You know, dog is delicious. That actually leads up to another question I had. I'm sure it does. Is it considered cheating if your girlfriend sleeps with a dog? Wow. Well, if it's, I think if it's a respected breed, you know, maybe one of those dogs that won the Westminster Kennel Club

competition, then, you know, I'd be okay. So as long as it's like, you know, a smart one that is able to run quick. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's good to know. Yeah. How many minutes per hour do you drive? Oh, here is the call. Welcome him in.

Well, it depends how many requests you get for rides. How are you, man? Oh, I see. All right, not a fist bumper. All right. Yeah, it depends on how many calls you get, but, you know, probably about half the time, minute-wise. That's good to know. Yeah.

It's a nice plaid, by the way. Sure, very nice. Let's go on to the next question. Sure. I'm sure – oh, this is a good one. I'm curious to hear this. They're all good. You like them so far? Oh, this is a good one. I'm curious to hear this. They're all good. You like them so far?

Oh, terrific. A couple of days ago, the South Korean president enforced martial law, meaning that he is coming to get you. Where will you go? He's coming to get me personally? He's coming to get Joe. Wow. Oh, boy. Wow.

I was wondering why he proclaimed martial law there. Now, that actually touches me. You know, I'm moved that he would care enough. Makes you feel important and special. Yeah, that he cares enough about me to screw up the entire country. Well, you heard about that. I heard about that, certainly, yeah. Where will you go?

Where will I go? Well, you know, a lot of other nice countries in that area. Coca-Cola, Coca. Oh, Coca-Cola. You have a diet? You have a diet one over there? Just this one. Please help me. Yeah. How can I help you? You need a Coke? Please help me. Yeah. I doubt anyone can, to tell you the truth. Although if you trip over that wire, you're going to really get... Watch out for the wire. That's going to be... Watch out for the wire. Please help me. Please help me.

You have a camera on those wonderful eyes. He's got the most... Fantastic eyes. Very expressive. Yeah. Enjoy that. Anyway, continue with your answer. Oh, I'm...

About that Korean guy. There's nothing more to say. I don't know where I'd go. You know, we were just getting to be friends. And then he leaves. Where is he going? I don't know. It's okay.

We'll move on. Yeah. No. Do you think that trans women should be allowed to compete in male sports? That's a complex question. Probably, I don't know, probably so, but, you know, I tend to be pretty progressive in my politics, so I would probably, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

Fuck! I know. I know, I hate to disappoint everyone out there. God damn it. I know, I know. I'm one of those. You're a libtard? I'm a libtard of those i'm one of those i'm a libtard baby oh god i'm a little why do you do that to yourself i know i know it's uh it's just uh

self-punishment um i that's i've been that way for a while were you born like that i wasn't i was actually my my uh parents were very conservative. Really? So it's not like what the Leptards say about gay people, like they're born gay. You were born a real alpha man. I was – well, let's not go too far on that. But no, I definitely came from a conservative family and then discovered the truth. So now I'm— I mean, I had a follow-up question to the thing about, you know, what did I just say? I forgot.

I don't know. I forgot, too. I'm trying to forget. Well, about the liberal stuff. But now I don't think you're going to be interested in the next question because— Oh, maybe I will. Okay, fine. How do you think we should restore America's white glory?

We shouldn't. And yeah. No, we should not? No. No, of course not. Why not? Well, why? And what white glory are we talking about, actually? You know what I mean. I know what you mean, but it's not exactly glory. Oh, look who's back. Speaking of white glory. He's glorious.

He is. He's glorious. The glorious revolution. He just put up a black power fist. I know. I know. I think he's a confused terrorist. He's really confused.

Yeah. He seems a little bit. Don't do it. Don't do it. Who knows what that could have turned into. I know what it was. I can't put that on YouTube, Mike. Yeah. Watch it. I know. He's going to get. do it. Don't do it. Who knows what that could have turned into? I know what it was. I can't put that on YouTube, Mike. Yeah.

Watch it. I know. He's going to get canceled. I'm past that. You're past that. Elon Musk has cut your feed. Oh, they'll put me on Twitter for sure. Twitter, yeah.

Twitter, anything goes. Twitter, they love you. Yeah, and that's, well, not everything, but yeah. Twitter, I mean, you could just go on Twitter right now and post a video of people killing each other. And that's all I see on Twitter. I'll scroll up on there and it's just the N-word and that. That's all it is.

That's pretty cool that there's a big platform where you can say that. There's a big platform. Yes, there's a cool is one word for it. Yeah. If I say it on YouTube, I have to bleep it, unfortunately. Yeah, you should. You should. I should.

You should. Why that? Well, you know, why say it? Because it's a good descriptive term. Oh, well, well, it's more descriptive of you, I would think. I'm not black, though, so not really. I think it's about your use of it. It pretty much describes who you are.

Well, let me ask you this. When you're driving Uber, if you saw, you know, I don't know how you would really point this out unless they had one of those little hats on. Those little hats, yeah. You know who I'm talking about. No, I don't know. A lot of people wear little hats. Which ones are you talking about? Jewish. Ah, Jewish, yes, yeah. You know who I'm talking about. No, I don't know. There are a lot of people who wear little hats.

Which ones are you talking about? Jewish. Ah, Jewish. Yes, yes. Would you just start driving away? No. Because you know there's no tip involved then. Oh.

I've had some very nice Hasidic Jewish. You're not in the entertainment industry, so you don't have to lie. I am in the entertainment industry. Oh, you are? Yes. That's why you're lying. I don't know. You want to be put in the entertainment industry, so you don't have to lie. I am in the entertainment industry. Oh, you are? Yes. That's why you're lying. You don't want to be put in the Marvel movies. I know.

I've had some very nice passengers from the Hasidic community. That's the rabbis. Yeah. Those are the ones with the beards and the payas and the whole thing. Oh, God. Yeah, a whole deal. Matan, isn't Matan a Jewish name? No.

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and the power of manifestation. What is it? What kind of name is it? Not Jewish. Huh? What did, when you were driving the Hasidics around, what did they tell you? What did you speak with them about?

Just everyday stuff, you know. You know what they say behind your back? Oh, well, they are behind my back in the passenger seat. That's true, but I mean like more metaphorically. Ah, metaphorically behind my back. I don't know. It's probably better if I don't hear it, right? What you don't know won't hurt you, as they used to say.

They want to hurt you. They want to hurt me specifically, me? Any goyim, any non-Jew. Any goyim. Now, if you use goyim, you must be Jewish. Come on. No, I'm just super. That's what I mean.

You think only Jewish people. How do you know that word? Because you're in Hollywood. I come from New York. That's how I'm not Jewish, right? I'm not. Thank God. I'm not.

But listen, they can't. They're not allowed to call the police, electricity. Right. Right. Or drive or anything. Yeah. So if you rob them on Shabbat, I mean, you already know that they can't... See, you're also calling it Shabbat.

I'm guessing you're on the Jewish end of things. Listen, I'll be honest. I used to be. I used to be. Yeah, Matan, you can't escape that name. Yeah, I need to change my name. I'm going to go with his name soon, too. Oh, yeah? What's his name?

His name is Mike. Mike. Mike the Terror terrorist. Nice to have you here by the way. Do you think that it would be harder to drive if instead of hands you had claws like a lobster? Hmm. It would be easier to make hand signals out the window I think because people would really see them. Do you think everybody hates the Native Americans deep down? You mean the real Americans? Oh! Did he say that?

That pissed me off right there. I know, I know it did. I'm sure, yeah. Something tells me they don't deep down walk around hating Native Americans, no. I can think that, well, how many people have you seen in this office today, in this building? How many Native Americans? No, just how many people have you seen in this office today, in this building?

How many Native Americans? No, just how many people here? You three, yeah. That's three to one. If one walks in, he'd have to be a strong fella. Yeah, I mean. What kind of weapon would you use against? Would you go with the tomahawk, the traditional Indian?

See, that's why they lost. They're trying to fight with tomahawks. You've got some gangsters showing up with a fucking. With a Glock. With a Glock. That's the correct term. You know, you said I'm Jewish because I use Glock. So I must be a gangster. A gangster.

See, this is what I mean. Yeah, I know. I know. See, vocabulary, it reveals a lot. Yeah, you never know what you're getting with Uber. You might get a... You might, you might, you don't know what you're getting with Uber. You might be in a white face right now.

I might be. I think very convincing. That's not, they don't care. Oh, good, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. Let's move on. Let's move on.

Do you think that instead of government, do you think that instead of the government forcing big companies to hire people with Down syndrome, they should reward them by putting them in a Mr. Beast video? Who? I see that I don't get the reference. You don't know Mr. Beast? I don't know Mr. Beast. Oh, he's a cool guy. He's a YouTuber.

He does like game shows like Who W wants to be a millionaire and the one where you pick the cases. What's that one called? Whatever. Yeah. I know that one. He does that, but he's like a YouTube guy and his prizes are like $500,000, a million. Wow.

So instead of forcing Walmarts to hire these guys who serve no use, I mean, maybe. They might disagree with that. They don, maybe. They might disagree with that. They don't have the capabilities to disagree with that. They don't even know what I'm saying. You haven't seen the reality shows where they're dating and they're active in the community and they're working and everything. If I went up, I'm clearly a genius. Clearly.

It goes without saying. Oh, yeah. So if I went up to one'm clearly a genius. Clearly. You know, it goes without saying. Oh, yeah. So if I went up to... Yeah. If I went up to one of those guys and I said... Because, listen, we already know that it's like here to here, right? So if I went up to them and I said, I'm a serious police officer, sir. I need $30 or I will shoot you.

They're giving me $30 if they had it from... If the Walmart pays them the check that day if i can find them once they got paid they're giving me the money there's no way they're not believing that but you're already you're you're already busy robbing jewish people uh how are you gonna have time to rob them too look how much money boy you really have to have a good date book there to you know keep your calendar yeah you know we already know what I got on Friday and Saturday. Yeah, right. That's right.

You've got your Shabbat taken care of. Around 1 or 2 p.m. on the weekdays, you know. Oh, yeah, if you're not doing anything. Certain guys are sleeping. They sleep in late. So that's when I grab them. I make that. I'm careful because they got glocks. And then, I mean, I haven't tried the Down syndrome thing yet,

but, I mean, I just kind of came up with an idea here on the spot. Wow. Wow. This might catch on. Would you try it? How do you feel, Mike? Yeah. Yeah.

It's what I thought. Do you like him? Yeah. He's, you know, he's growing on me like a fungus. I guess this is a little similar to, I guess, the Jewish people again. Let's get off of that topic. This is the final question about that. But would you accept a ride from someone who's trying to pay you in large gold coins?

Well, they've already paid for the ride, so that would have to be a tip. No, no, they don't. Well, they can't get in if they haven't paid for the ride. Do you have that thing on the front of your car that says Uber? Yeah. So what if they just flag you down? They say, hey. No, they can You can't.

No, they can't do that. Why not? I mean, they can do that if I wanted to go off the clock and just drive them personally as a private driver. Let's say you're feeling happy. Private driver. I'm feeling happy. That's what I do when I'm feeling happy

is I drive people privately. Yes. And would you accept the gold coins? Well, I might have to trust that they're going to be actual gold coins. They might be. They might be fake? They might be Hanukkah gelt. There is something from your long past.

I don't even know what that is. I just know the word Hanukkah. I know who it is. Oh, you know, it's the little gold-wrapped chocolates, you know, the little Hanukkah gelt. Is that what they give the non-Jews as a trick? I did. They know they can't get sued. They'll always win.

They'll always win. But then you get chocolate, which is, there's something to be said for that. So where are you from? Like, what? New York. Because you're not Jewish or black, you said. But New York, but like, are you Italian? I'm Italian.

You are Italian. I am. So you're a little racist. No, I'd say some Italians I know are, yeah, yeah. But I hope I'm not, you know. I mean. Why not? You know, I think it's a nicer thing not to have that going on.

We already established the judging by the book cover, though, no? Well, you know, to a certain extent, but not refusing people rides. No, no, I never said that. Maybe just can't say that on YouTube. But anyway, continue. Well, Italian, Sicilian, actually, specifically. And why did you? It's been great, Mike.

I miss you already, I think. Yeah. And why did you decide to move to Los Angeles? It seemed to be time, and I wanted to get back into film work. I had been doing a lot of theater, stage work, back east, and thought it might be time. So you wanted to be an actor? No, I'm a director. Oh, director.

Have you directed any movies? I have. Which ones? I don't know on this podcast if I want to give the information. You don't want to give it out. No, no. Why not? I don't know.

Some people might be... Who knows what they... Yeah, who knows what's going to happen if I give out the information. Is that your car? It might be. Someone is probably driving off with it right now as we speak. Sometimes I have my buddies rob the guest car while we film. That's good.

I'm sensing a theme of everybody you're robbing, you know. I got to put – You got to put food on the table. I got to put – what is the quote? You have to put family food – what is it? What did Bush say? I don't know. You have to put food on your family, he said.

Yeah, he probably did. Yeah, he was not the best speaker. He was a genius. Yes, of a kind. One of a kind. Yeah. Okay, let's continue. When you are driving, do you ever get the urge to purposely crash and kill your passengers? No, but the more Uber driving you do, you get that urge to kill yourself sometimes, I think.

Yeah, just run into a brick wall. Yeah, that's just, it shouldn't even. Do you believe in mental health? I believe in it, yeah. Not everybody in L.A. has it. What is that? Why do you believe in it? I think it's a liberal hoax.

A liberal hoax. I'm getting that feeling with this podcast that mental health is not part of it. Mike? Oh, yeah, Mike is pulling up his sweatpants, adjusting various things. There he is. Oh, man, it's so good to have you back. Yeah, it's, yeah. Continue what you were saying? I don't know. Mike

distracted me. All the thoughts have flown out of my head now. Let me check the question. You were saying something about you wanted to kill yourself. What was it? Just from driving Uber. No, actually, Uber is not a bad job to fill in some extra dollars during free time. But you would never want to get the passengers. There have been a few of them who've been a pain in the ass, but it's rare. Have you ever been in a truck while driving? No. Why did you think about it? Well, there was one passenger who was really drunk, and he said, I want to go.

And he put in another stop that he wanted to go to, but he wasn't paying for another stop. I said, listen, I was trying to explain it to him. And he was trying to get my phone out of my hands and say, well, wait a minute. I'm going to put this stuff in there. So it was borderline. He wasn't attacking you, but he was just trying to like – He was being a – Just creating issues.

He was being drunk, yeah. Have you ever attacked a passenger? No, no, no. Are you lying because you don't want to get – you know, they don't want Uber? I'm very nice to my passengers. What's your rating? 9.5 something. I don't know.

Something like that. Isn't it – oh, it's out of 10 or out of 5? It's out of – hey, if it's out of 5, I'm doing very well at 9.5. I got confused because I was like, if you can only give five stars, how'd that happen? I know. That's how good I am. Yeah, that's interesting because when I was looking up some research because I was trying to interview an Uber driver for the past couple of days. And what I saw is that there's like a few guys who are known as the greatest ever because they just have like a 10 out of 10 or 5 out of 5 with like 20,000 rides.

But they're all Indian. Why is that? But not like a real American Indian. Just like Indian Indian. Indian Indian, right. 7-Eleven Indian. I don't know.

Obviously, they're just great drivers. I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know. I bet you could find a few top Uber drivers who are non-Indian. I'm guessing. I'm just guessing here.

No, huh? No. All right. One second. I tried it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. You're leaving me alone with Mike.

Is that what you're doing? Can I ask you a question? Oh, good. I would agree, but not always. Not always. But you make a good point. Sorry, the mics, they all turned off. The mics turned off?

Yeah, so we need to use these ones instead. Oh. You can just hold that. Yeah, Mike, you need a mic. You're a talkative guy. Fuck Mike. Fuck Mike. I hate him.

I'm hoping just one day he'll collapse and I will be that. He might. He might actually do that. I'm sensing it pretty soon, actually. Your car is going crazy. I hope it's not my car. God. I hope it is.

That would be awful. Well, let me ask you a question. Yeah. How can we be... How can... How can... How do I word this? How can we know for sure that LeBron is black?

We... Believe him when he says he is, I guess. Well, I don't think it's about him saying it. We just kind of assume it by how he looks. But how do we know? I guess this wouldn't be ideal for the world to figure this out. But how do we know that he's not just always in blackface? That would be one of the great... See you, Mike. I feel like I've somehow insulted Mike.

I don't know why. Yeah, that would be quite a hoax. That would be probably one of the great hoaxes of all time. If that was true, would you stop being a libtard? You'd realize we have something going on over here. We got something right. Wow. Wow.

I think the libtard thing is pretty ingrained. I think the tard is hard. Why? What could I do to change your mind? I could give you $20. $20 what? $20. They're your mind? I could give you $20. $20 what? $20. They're fake, but I could give you... $20 to change my entire political affiliation? That's sad.

Did you vote this election? Of course. For which one? Kamala, of course. The only choice. The only choice. Well, you lost, so I don't even have to be mad. You lost. That's true. We got a triple, actually.

You did. You did. And you also have the Supreme Court. I mean, let's face it. So you've got a quadruple. You do. You know what they're saying might happen? They're saying he's just going to reverse the, what was it, the 25th Amendment or one of them, and he's just going to stay here forever.

Oh, yeah. He's going to. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't put it past him. Yeah you but you said that was like a negative undertone like did i yeah like i wouldn't put it past him yeah but i'm saying it like i wouldn't put it past him he can do anything right right but why you didn't say it like no i didn't why because i think he's one of the worst human beings walking around but but no yeah yeah now look that's no good we have to separate it out you have to separate out like people say oh he's like hitler no you the worst human beings walking around. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Now, look. That's no good.

We have to separate it out. You have to separate out, like people say, oh, he's like Hitler. No, you have to separate. No, he's not. No, you have to separate out Hitler and serial killers and all the worst, worst people and get them in their own category. And then you go to bad people and then you go to a little below average and then you go to average, a little above average. I would say if we separate out the very worst of them, among all the rest of us that's left, he's one of the worst human beings walking.

I was going to say he's one of the best. Of course you would. Okay, guys, sorry for the cut. There was some old gay white dude going crazy in the parking lot. Go ahead. Well, with that introduction, how can I resist? That is really what happened, though. Sorry, because we are—

Yes, we didn't realize that the driveway had— introduction how can i resist uh that is really what happened though sorry because we yes i we we didn't realize that the the yeah the driveway i was just trying to prank that guy yeah well you did because he was really pissed off it was super pissed yeah yeah so anyway yeah so uh where were we what was we were talking about uh what were we saying we were saying um mike had just left i think or maybe he was back. I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't know what happened.

You said you thought LeBron was. No, I think we moved beyond LeBron, too. We moved past the LeBron thing. Yeah, I think we did, yeah. What did we say? I think we were talking about the big Donald, the great white hope, as they say. Yeah, the great white dope. No, the great white hope as they say yeah the great white dope yeah i know i know yeah so i'm i don't know who's out there in podcast land who's listening who probably thinks

oh he doesn't like trump oh my god but you know i don't like him never liked him but why why would you dislike the man trying to serve the world? Yeah, yeah. You know, it's sort of like, you know, when Superman, there's that bizarro world where everything's the opposite of what it really is. Yeah, that's where you're living at. I see, I see. Yeah, see? I think it's Donald who just— They said that under Trump, the economy was up 500%.

Well, the economy on the macro level was certainly doing well. I don't know any of the terms. I just know the talking point that it was up. Well, it is. Internationally, we're doing better than most other countries. Oh, yeah. Because of who? On the level of Biden.

Not because of that black dude or his little Biden. Are we talking about Obama now? Obama, as they say, I don't know if that's even his real name. It's probably like some Haitian thing. What did they say? Him and Biden, those two guys. Oh, I tell you. Yeah, yeah.

See, now, and interestingly, Trump has inherited good economies from both of them. No. Yeah, yeah. No, no. The gas is like yes gas groceries on on the on the the micro level yeah we're in trouble is that well it's it's while biden was president so you do have to kind of you know pin that on him i guess and well and the gas was how cheap under donald that was the time well Well. I couldn't drive, so it didn't matter.

Oh, yeah. So it's a moot point. Oh, good. Mike is back. Welcome back, Mike. Mike is an avid Donald supporter. He loves him. Oh, that's great.

That's great. I would guess that someone who looks like Mike might not be so keen on the Donald. No. He likes Donald. He does. That's good. That, he likes Donald. He does. That's good. That shows a nice spirit. I don't know.

I mean, listen, I like you. You're a nice guy. You came, you did the podcast, but it's just, it's frustrating because you're a liar, you see. Yeah, other than that. Oh, thank you, Cola Cola. Yeah. Please help me. I'd like-Cola. Thank you, Cola-Cola. Please help me.

I'd like to. Please. I'd like to. Please. I'd like to. I need help. Maybe there's medical help of some kind that I could. Out.

Yeah. Help. Yeah. Nobody's going to help you. That face is so good. You really need a camera over here to get those eyeballs. You really need to. No, he looks normal.

Oh, he's good. Yeah, I like that. I like that. Ah. Oh. Out! Oh, yeah. Well, there he goes.

There he goes. Off to new adventures. So you said you're a director, right? I am. Have you ever done any acting? Or who's the most famous actor you've directed? Probably no one you've heard of. Well, I don't know.

Let me see. Maybe see people you probably, no, you probably haven't heard of them because they were people from Laura San Giacomo who did Sex, Lies, and Videotape. Oh, okay. And yeah, I know. We're talking early indies and had a TV series. She's a pretty big name, I'd say. I'm trying to think who else.

But did you ever do The Rock? No, I've never. Oh, no, you never did him? Never did him, no. Make sure to hold this mic close to your face. Oh, now we're talking. And what type of movies or things are you usually directing?

It's a wide variety of in the stage work i do everything from shakespeare to contemporary stuff to you what is contemporary what's that word mean it's modern plays you know new new works and you know modern theater anyway wow when you when you proceed with no offense i i can't wait. Are you – well, there's two things here. Are you all gay? No. Nice. It's all right.

Just don't happen to be gay. I don't know what a fist bump is going to prove. Are you on the spectrum? Not that I know of. Nice. Okay. I don't really care as much about that one. The other one would have been concerning

it would have been something tells me I can imagine it would have been but yeah do you drive only for Uber or you do other apps

like Lyft and I was doing Lyft for a while but then I just Uber seemed to have the most business going on

so I do you like if you were to see a Lyft driver or something would you get mad or get the urge to like uh shoot them shoot them yeah yeah yeah so what type of gun do you keep in the car i don't i need to get one so you're getting the hang of this now yeah yeah yeah well that's i know i figured you'd like that yeah and guess what and? You have the right skin tone to be found not guilty.

Remember, I'm Sicilian, though. You know, we're a dangerous group over there. Yeah, well, but the police don't care, you know. I mean, there's two things they care about. One thing, actually, but two options. Actually, three, but the third one is a combination of a lot of things where it's a slight negative, you know?

Let's continue, okay? Do you think that doctors are hiding tiny bombs inside of medicine and vaccines? No. No, I don't. And no, I don't think RFK should be in charge of anything.

RFK? I find him charming, actually, I have to say. But I don't think he should be. You don't think he's a smart guy? He's a smart guy. Did you see what he got in his IQ test? He's kind of loopy, though. Did you see what he got in his IQ test?

I don't know. He got a 180. Wow, though. Did you see what he got in his IQ test? I don't know. He got a 180. Wow. 180. That's smart. He does have, I think, at least 40 points of that have been eaten by the worm in his brain. I was going to say, actually, I was going to disagree. I was going to say it might not be fair because it's two individuals working at it.

Oh, that's true. Yeah, the worm has something to say I don't believe it yeah yeah I think he just doesn't want to admit that it's still there because it's a bad look you know to help people like hey don't eat this cereal with these you know bad sugars and stuff while I have this worm but I think he should be loud and proud I he probably should he should probably introduce the worm on TV maybe have the worm interviewed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the least he could do. The concerning thing is that, I mean, I'm always careful with my ears because I heard that your brain can fall out of it. So I just – maybe he could stick like one of those lasers in his ear and get a picture of it. Oh, interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what that means at all, what I just said. No, I don't either. But yeah, that sounds like an idea he would come up with, actually.

No, he's smart. What did he say? He said... He's charming, but he's... There's a new group. It's him, Elon. You don't like Elon? Now, okay, let's...

You just hate all of the geniuses. Let's separate the two things. I think Elon is a world-changing genius. I think he's an amazing person, but you can be a genius and a douchebag at the same time. But why wouldn't you... Maybe he's right, though. He's a douchebag about it sometimes,

but maybe he's smarter than all of us, and he knows what's best. Well, in the scientific realm, I'm all for him. I'm all for the cars. Well, in the scientific realm, I'm all for him. You know, I'm all for the cars. I'm all for the rockets. I'm all for going to Mars. Would you ever drive a Tesla?

Yeah, why not? Yeah. But you don't right now. I don't know. Continue what you were saying. He's very smart on that end. I don't like his politics. But that's, you know.

So there you go. Who would you rather be the president, Elon or, I'm trying to think. Vivek Ramaswamy. He's with Elon to run. I was going to give you a liberal pick. Oh, yeah? All right. Elon, this isn't a liberal pick.

I guess they're both conservative, but Elon or Malik Obama. Malik Obama is conservative? That's Obama's brother, yeah. He hates Obama. Wait a minute. I don't think he has a brother. He does. He has a half-brother.

He's still, I think he lives in Lagos. He's like 70, 80 years old. I don't know. I don't know. Neither of them, if we can avoid it. Who was it between again? Elon and... Neither of them are from America and neither is his

brother. You mean Obama's not from America? What do you think? Of course he's from America. He's from Hawaii. Hawaii is America. Since 1959 it's a state even. It's not even just a territory. Yeah, I do.

Okay, fine. I have another good... Another good... Back to like shaking here. Who do you think would be a better president? Obama or Longneck? Who's Longneck?

He's here in five minutes. We're shooting with him in five minutes. Longneck? He's this... He's a, you know, I'm not even gonna lie. He's, he's a, not a genius, but he has a long neck and he is... Well, that's, that's appropriate. It's in the name. Yeah. It's, um, Yeah. That, that's it. Everything else is low quality.

Oh, good. Wow. Well, as long as he has that long neck that's that's all you need you know he's a really skinny guy so when he gets in here if he's you know riding solo he's by himself i don't i mean we're just gonna put him in a box and ship him yeah you may have to alter the video uh you know well we're just gonna ship him to see if he can find obama's paperwork oh that oh that's good birth Ah, that old chestnut. Yeah. Yeah, the birth certificate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right. Yes, that's how Trump got his start. Well, I think that's it because we have to shoot with long neck, but thanks for coming on. Yeah, I don't want to keep long neck waiting. Yeah, I'll keep him waiting. A pleasure. He's been out here for months waiting. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's it. But he did endorse, thanks to him for coming on, and he endorsed the Great White House. Oh, never, yeah. Well, that's it. But he did endorse, thanks to him for coming on, and he endorsed the Great White Hope. Never, never, never, never, never, never. That mic's not even on. That mic's not even on. See, that's a libtard for you.