The Matan Show - Matan Makes Fun of Big Jay Oakerson's Weight

Episode Date: October 13, 2024

Hello everybody and welcome back to the podcast for today's guest. We have Big Fat O'Kirsten. Welcome in. Unfortunately, Mike is unable to make it today and none of the cameras are working. So Mike Mike is going to replace him and he'll be filming. Welcome in Mike Mike. It's Big J O'Kirsten. Big J O'Kirsten? Big J. Not Big Fat? Pull the mic closer to your face, Big Fat O'Kirsten. Oh, yeah, Big J O'Kirsten. I am fat, but it's not in the name.

I went with Big. Why not Big Fat Oakerson? Pure insecurity, probably. Because of your weight? It was because of the weight. What about Big Gay Oakerson? Big Gay Oakerson, I've been called plenty of times. Because of your painted nails?

No, that's actually a pretty new thing, the painted nails. That's the first time you've done it. No, now it's probably the 15th time I've done it, but it's all been within the last year. Why did you start doing gay things? Well, the world's changing, man. It's a different time out there. You've got to swing both ways, let everybody know you're involved. But what really compelled you besides that?

Was there an inciting moment or for the nails yeah it was uh well i don't like uh i've never had them done before i used to bite my nails and then uh is it preventing you from biting them no i'd stopped biting them already but somebody uh we hadn't do it on the podcast a little asian lady came in and painted my nails bobby lee almost as a joke joke. It was Bobby Lee in a wig. I found that out later. It's why he was so rough. And yeah, so I got him painted on the show, and then I just kept going with it. Kept going back.

It does feel gay. I can't lie to you. Do people give you nasty looks because of it? No, not in this city this is the least weird thing going on this is your first time in new york yeah yeah first time in new york i haven't seen i thought i would be seeing more gay people than in la where i live but it's less actually less gay well you gotta go down about 10 blocks it'll get pretty gay for you i've seen like some gay people but it's it's less so than

la you know la you see i wanted the i did an episode with the drag queen once and to find it i sent mike mike out to west hollywood and he was just looking for drag queens and asking him i ended up finding one on instagram but while he was there one time i dropped him off there and it was just gays holding hands and you could just tell them you know they had like the tank tops taking pictures in front of the angel wings the angel wings yeah in la they have a lot of the angel wings painted on the wall so uh so gay people can stand in front of them why for gay people did they paint it i'll never know i'm not that in yet i just have the painted nails you're just slowly going into that slowly ed in. They haven't told me the secrets yet.

But when I find out, I will expose them. Do you think by the time you get further into it, you'll start regretting it or no? Depends how far I go. You know, it's like an undercover cop. How deep do you go into this thing? Do I start coming out of it questioning if I am actually gay or did I just do the work? Oh, so you're not actually gay. You're just doing it for the benefits?

It's just the benefits, yeah. Just like being half Jewish. I say I'm Jewish. Oh, so you're not actually gay. You're just doing it for the benefits? It's just the benefits, yeah. Just like being half Jewish. I say I'm Jewish. Oh, you are half Jewish. Yeah. But I mean, my mom's Jewish, which technically does make you Jewish, which is supposed to help you in entertainment. But your father is not Jewish? No. What is he?

I think Catholic. Catholic? But, you know, some Jewish people, not me, I'm not extremely religious, would say that because of me, I'm not extremely religious, would say that because of that, your mother is going to hell. Oh, for not being with a Jewish person? Yeah, that's what they say. That's probably the least reason my mother's going to hell. What is this you do?

She mistreated you? No, no, no. My mom treated me great, but I mean, if we're going by religious rules... How did your father treat you? Oh, he didn't treat me at all. He was just not there a bunch. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think that contributes to that? That's what some people say, you know, the gay stuff comes straight from childhood. It's possible. Pay attention to me, daddy kind of stuff. Are your parents together? Yeah. Your parents are still together? Well, not physically, but yeah. Not physically together? Yeah. together yeah emotionally though sure yeah okay pull the mic closer to your mouth okay you just gotta hold it up because

no it's a little shaky look they're both having problems yeah yeah i'll keep an eye on it mike mike with the fun cam yeah he none of these cameras are working so that's the one that that's the only one which is going to be the whole shot. Yeah. Okay. It's a one shot this time. Okay. Does your stance on abortion depend on the race of the mother? Hmm. Let me think about it.

Now. Now. Why not? If you want to get rid of the baby, it doesn't really matter what race you are. I think you should be allowed to do it. Oh, so you're pro-abortion? Yes. You're pro-choice? No, I'm pro-abortion. I say

do them all if you can. I get upset if they have the baby. Why is that? Not because we got enough people, I think. I actually had a similar question to that. Let me follow it up right now. What do you think is a bigger world

concern? Overpopulation or overeating? Overeating, but that's been fixed now with drugs. You can now take a needle in your stomach. So what happened to you? You can't afford it? I can't afford it. Insurance won't pay for it. I have bad insurance now. Obamacare. Oh, that... I don't want to. Insurance won't pay for it. I have bad insurance now.

Obamacare. Oh, that. I don't want to say what I'm going to say. Go ahead. It's your show. You can edit it out later if you want. Still won't say it. Okay.

I don't want you to know that I said it around you. That's fair enough. You have too medium sized of a platform. Yeah, it's true. Word could get out there almost. Yeah, well, that's the thing. If you had a small platform, it's like whatever. And then if you had a big platform, it's true word could get out there almost yeah well that's the thing if you had a small platform it's like whatever and then if you had a big platform it's like okay at least that point i'm i'm getting some new the bad press is good press then yeah well with you it's just like you're the people who are going to hear from you they're going to hear it anyways it's just you

know information is just going to be out there and it'll be the word it's just not worth it you know what i mean yeah i think uh overpopulation is actually probably a bigger problem now. Really? For sure. Some people say that actually we need more people, though, because the birth rates in certain countries like Japan, it's just a disaster. Yeah, well, we don't need more Japanese people. I'm talking about Americans. And they, but there should be, yeah, there's much, I mean, you're here in New York now visiting.

You have to, I live here now for 20, you're here in New York now visiting. You have to. I live here now for 20 years, and it definitely is too many people. You don't think that you have a different view of it, though, because it's just like one of the most packed places in the world? It's very, very possible. But, I mean, I travel the country pretty much, and it seems like there's a lot too many people anywhere. Go to any mall in this country, even during the day,

there's too many people here. Why during the day? Is there more people at night? I don't understand. I think during the day. Or is that just when, you know, your type of people hang around? Yes, the day-dwelling mall folks, the ones who walk for exercise and call it exercise. Yeah, but it doesn't work.

The exercise, it does not work. So why do you keep trying? Well, I like window shopping in a mall, and then I picture that if I walk enough, I'll get thin enough that I can buy clothes at that mall. Do you think you have a... I don't mean to be rude. Do you think you have an issue with eating?

Yes. I definitely have an issue with eating. And why is that? Because I care too much about how I do it. Not what I eat, how I do it. Do you sit at a table when you eat dinner, like a dinner table? Or are you in front of the TV person? It just depends what I'm eating and what's the circumstance.

If I'm eating a nice meal or something, I want to sit with somebody. I'll invite somebody over. But if it's like a fingers or something. Eating for yourself. I want to sit with somebody. I'll invite somebody over. But if it's like fingers or something. Just eating for yourself. Yeah, if it's fingers or something, then next to the TV. Yeah, I want to be in front of the TV with everything laid out properly and opened. You're like a control freak about your food? It's ritualistic eating, someone told me it's called.

But wouldn't that make it more difficult? Because it's not like you're going to just snack stuff while you're walking. So what, when you eat, you just eat like massive? So that it's just too much because it's only that one certain day. And what are the benefits of being a super massive person? Generally, people won't be kidnapped easily. That's nice. I don't think they want to kidnap you anyways.

Well, no. Besides the fact that you're fat. No offense, again. Sure, sure, sure. That is the word. kidnapped easily that's nice i don't think they want to kidnap you anyways well no besides besides the fact that you're fat no offense again sure and there's just that is the word meat did you go about i don't think you'd be like the main target yes storing me is hard you have to write the right kind of van to put me in uh yeah i just require a lot i am jewish so i complain more than most people i I'm sorry. Oh, you feel... No, I'm not talking to you. I'm telling you to sit down.

He's getting in the shot. Oh. He's working it. Fucking moron-ass mic. Okay, so would you say you're like a cultural guy? You know, you keep up with hip-hop... Not hip-hop, like, you know, movies and TV and all that. Oh, pop culture.

Sure, yeah. Pop culture. Okay, so I have a little game show for you. It's called Finish the Movie Quote. Okay, so I have a little game show for you. It's called Finish the Movie Quote. Okay. So I'm going to read a quote from a movie, and then you have to tell me what's the word that finishes the sentence.

So it's only one word. It's not multiple choice. I mean, you should know the answer to every single one of these. I think this is a good game for me. Okay, you ready to go? Mm-hmm. May the force... Be with you. Okay, okay. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't...

Refuse. Okay. Yo, everybody type in the chat, Alex is a stupid... Hmm. Can I get a clue of the movie? What's the movie? Uh, Killer Keemstar. Hmm. Live TV.

It's the N-word, isn't it? You got it. How did you know? I knew it. How did you know that? I didn't, but I always say when in doubt, guess it. Why didn't you say it? I can't give you a point until you say it, so let's try again.

Because you have a large platform. We can say it fine on my medium platform. No one's listening to that. But this is going to get out there. This is going to get out there? Yeah, yeah. And you know, and you've had black people on this show before.

I don't want them to be upset. You had David Lucas on recently. Oh, he's just like you a little bit. What, an N-word? Come on, Matan. No, no. You don't mean that. Oh, oh fat Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah Dave's big boy, too. Yeah, absolutely. It's cooler to be fat and black though it's easier to pull off why cuz like it's not like a

Fat white there's nothing come. There's nothing to say after like fat white. That's it. Yeah. Yeah Fat black, you know what I mean? Again. It does sound cooler. No, I'm saying there's another word that follows fat black. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. N-word again, whereas there's nothing that follows fat white. No, no, no.

Well, if a black person's calling you fat white, they might say N-word still. And then it feels kind of cool. You like when black people call it to you? I prefer it over white boy i started off doing comedy in the all-black comedy circuit in the bronx uh no in philly in philadelphia oh in harlem you know yeah harlem harlem philly and uh when i would go on there it was the different like being called a white boy felt so trivializing but when they called you the n-word it felt like you were down

like you were probably about two legs away from they probably handshake that's like a thing though they say that is a cool thing it's like you're part of the club but you're probably not they probably call it to you less now with the earrings like my of earrings but those are a little gay or yeah yeah the nails and stuff do they call it to you less yes i never even realized that was the reason why but it might be the nails Yeah, also that I've been looking at that, but it just hit me Oh, the nose piercing, yeah, yeah, yeah Is that also in the last year?

That was, no, no, no This was about 15 years ago I was going to ask if it was like a midlife crisis It's been going on for a while It is sort of a midlife crisis But I've had a midlife crisis since I was about 30 And then I just never changed what I did from there Why did that happen? Because when I was a kid i didn't do uh i always tried to dress like

everybody else was and being a fat kid like girls or no like the boys but the the cool i was fat kid so i couldn't fit in all those clothes always fat since a little kid always fat i was pretty overweight for a little bit when i was like 11 but then i lost it i i started eating like uh what was it 150 calories a day why didn't you go on a diet or nothing again not insulting i'm just no i probably should have gone on a diet but uh no one stopped me did you make a decision yourself that you want to lose the weight yeah i thought at 11 yep well i had tried it when i was like nine, but I didn't have the motivation. But what about now? You're too far gone?

No, no, no. Now I tried to watch. I've actually lost weight. I was at my heaviest. I was 340 pounds. And what are you now? 340 pounds? 340 pounds.

Oh, nice. It's a net zero, but I haven't gained. You didn't gain any. No, I think I've gained myself. When you wake up in the morning, you might have lost a little. You never know. Yes, as they say, weigh yourself in the morning. That is when you're at your best.

I don't know what happens in your sleep that makes you lose weight. Do you think pedophiles and other members of the LGBTQ deserve the death penalty? Sure. Okay. Generally, pedophiles and other members of the LGBTQ. Oh, other ones, not and. Not just the pedophiles. What? Not just the pedophiles and other members. Oh, other ones, not and. Not just the pedophiles. What?

Not just pedophiles. You're saying all, you're asking should all of them get the death penalty. Everybody in the LGBTQ. Oh, I mean, if they do a crime worthy of death penalty, like for sure, or murder. But gay murder tends to happen to other gay people. So I don't know what the gay court system is like. I've never been called to jury duty in a gay court system. I have no follow-up.

Have you ever played on 2B2T, the oldest anarchy server in Minecraft? Nope, I've never played Minecraft. I'm a boomer. Oh, why haven't you tried it, though? That's the oldest one. Is it the oldest one? I don't know. The oldest anarchy never played Minecraft. I'm a boomer. Oh, why haven't you tried it, though? That's the oldest one. Is it the oldest one? I don't know. I've never... The oldest anarchy server in Minecraft. I don't know. Minecraft is a computer game. I know that. I'm going to sound so old right now.

How old are you? 46. 46? So you're just, what, almost 50 now? Almost. Pushing 50 years old. You're getting real close. I am, and it's nerve wracking. And when you hit 50, do you think you're finally going to start evaluating your choices? Oh, I've already evaluated them.

And are you happy or no? I am happy ultimately, for sure. You are a happy guy. Weird choices. You're a happy guy? Overall happy guy, yeah. Hey guys, sorry for the quick interruption. Have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Sheath.

I need the money they're paying me to continue the list on my Hellcat shade. You might already know Sheath because they've sponsored some episodes on the channel before. But if you don't, they are an underwear brand and they wanted me to let you know a couple things. Such as the fact that the underwear is made of bamboo or something like that. And that it's a double pouch which means that you have some extra space in the underwear it helps keep you a little comfortable they also had a little pinpoint that wanted me to mention something about urologists from my understanding she's uh the underwear company keeps sending packages of their underwear that they make

to urologists so if you're a urologist you might get it my friend mike actually used to tell people he's a urologist. So there's something about him online being one of them. And he's received a couple packages of sheath because they thought he was a urologist. I've received some packages from sheath before as well. It's great. It's very comfortable, but I'm not a urologist. If you want to get some sheath for yourself, you can go to sheath.com, S-H-E-A-T-H.com and use code Matan for 20% off. That's Sheath.com and use code Matan, M-A-T-A-N, for 20% off. What is the thing making you the most angry, though? The one thing stopping you?

Is it your decisions or something else? The one thing stopping me from happy. It's so simple. A pool, Matan. I just want a pool. There's not a lot of them here but there's not a lot of them here There is not a lot of them here. There's like the ones in the apartments, but that's really I wouldn't do that Yeah, that's just neighbor soup. That's gross

You know I want my own pool because it really is also that goes back to being a fat kid Maton Is that uh, you didn't want to take your shirt off? Oh I always did take my shirt off because I thought it drew more attention if you were the fat kid whose nipples show through his white shirt I hated getting out of a pool without a ladder that was always a nightmare I didn't mean to bring up like any trauma here oh you couldn't get up the ladder I know I could get up the ladder if there was no ladder and you had to get out of the pool you had to jump on the concrete and it just well jump on the concrete was the idea but it was more like you ever see like when a seal gets out of the water. They just kind of

The water they bring all the water with them Yeah, I beach myself out of the out of the pool Did anybody ever think you had just died or something? Maybe you ate a little too much and you went into cardiac arrest I assume people were concerned that something terrible was happened when this fat kid just slides out of a pool on his back you picturing it yeah i mean again i don't want to sound mean or anything so i'm just trying to imagine it nothing is mean imagine it but don't make the faces of what you're thinking when you imagine it what would you say to those facing a severe mental health crisis a severe mental

health crisis oh yeah um what would i say to them i guess uh get help get help and for all the fans watching what's your home address uh my home address is uh apartment 5d i don't believe that why if if that is actually it i imagine you're gonna ask me to bleep it out after because i won't bleep it out no you won't no whatever you just said he's staying in no matter what we don't know but i mean my audio recording this so i assume my audio guy is hard of hearing so he's not gonna when i tell him to bleep it out, he's going to just... I'll tell... Dude, you have to, like... That's got to come out. Because, like, people...

That's not the audio guy. That's just the owner of the building we're renting. Oh, shit. Where's the audio guy? Oh, he's hard of hearing. He couldn't make it. Well, we just can't... I'll send him a message or so.

Afterwards, we'll talk. You think... You don't think you can take it out? Huh? You couldn't take out my home address. I mean, you wanted to be funny and say it and then get a bleep, I imagine? Yeah, but I thought, you know,

I was kind of calling your shit. You're calling my bluff? And then you asked me for it, and then I laid it out there. Then I let you win if I bleep it. And any... I do understand. Listen, I'm competitive also,

so I do understand this it's would money make you not do it? can you I might not do it if you give me five you have five? I have five Rami

but what's the guarantee I give you this five dollars Mike Mike five dollars no no don't give Mike Mike anything just ignore him he needs to film give me five and we'll continue the conversation.

We'll continue the conversation, but. It's like those hotlines you call. It's $5 whatever. How do I trust if I. You're not going to believe this. I have $1 bill. That's all you have? That's all I have.

That's all I have in cash. Let me check it out. What else do you have? Can I just see your wallet? Can you just hand me your wallet? Sure. Okay, that's your ID. Pretty important things there.

That's another ID. Another ID. Why do you have so many IDs? Passport cards and global entry. Oh, is that your bank card? Mm-hmm. passport cards and global entry oh is that your bank card no no you can't because if you take it oh my dollar um no because if you yeah the problem is like then i have to but then i'm gonna have to get what okay all right but the first three numbers of his bank card are 3713. Okay.

That's four numbers. Oh, that's four numbers. Wait, I need my IDs, though, because I have to. Here you go. In case. Did you. Well, that's. Come on, man.

That's my passport ID. I need that in case. But sit down, Mike. I go overseas. It's okay. No problem. No, no. It's. Mike. Mike. I go overseas. It's okay. No problem. No, no. It's... Mike took the dollar, by the way. Let him keep it. We're not paying

him here anyway, so that's the most he's ever got. It's actually like winning the lottery for him. But you could... The ID's got the address on it, too. I feel like I'm worried that you guys are gonna just take this and just run nuts with it And then I'm gonna have lunatics at my house

Oh yeah they're gonna be there Fuck We're gonna send the proud boys there Well I think the proud boys like us No they do The black ones Okay let's continue Who do you think is the worst comedian of all time

Hmm Worst comedian of all time? Hmm. Worst comedian of all time. Now you have to... Why'd you stop talking? Continue, please. I was mowing. All right. I think the worst comedian of all time, it has to be somebody who's known.

Yeah, yeah. Not just a random guy who did stand-up one time and he died. of all time, it has to be somebody who's known. Yeah, yeah. Not just a random guy who did stand-up one time and he got... Yeah, the worst... Just a guy who... He's, like, well-known. He's just really bad.

Or she's well-known. Whoever you want to pick. Oh, I can pick a girl? Whoever you want to pick. Oh, I didn't know we were counting them as comics. Well, again, they're not funny. That's why I included them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it makes it a little easier but don't pick nothing like cliche like if you want to don't pick like amy schumer or schwab no no no uh paula poundstone always stunk who paula poundstone she was a an 80s female comic and then she i think she she was a lesbian and having sex with underage or coming on to underage people. But I feel like that might influence your decision on why she's not funny.

I don't think that's you. No, no, no. Quite honestly, I thought she wasn't funny. And then when you find that out, I felt justified in thinking she wasn't funny. I was able to go, you know what? I had a good call on her. Not funny. I fancy myself a bit of a p****** hunter. You are one of them? I've gone on a few. How many times have you been caught?

I've only been caught once. I've caught three, which actually makes up for it. So as long as you catch more, you get caught, the numbers work out and the law actually can't get involved. What do you think is the best way to threaten to kill somebody without being legally get caught, the numbers work out and the law actually can't get involved. What do you think is the best way to threaten to kill somebody without being legally liable? For the threat? Yeah. I think it's got to be an in-person wink, finger across the throat. Like this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't, the face can't be that aggressive. I think that does hold up in court. It's got to be a blank, maybe almost like a positive. Like this? Yeah, yeah. A little like eyebrow raised. Like, yeah, what's the big deal? Like, you're probably going to die.

And what would be the best way to actually do it? To actually kill somebody? Yeah. Well, I mean, the pillow over the face seems like the easiest in movies, but. No, without getting caught. Oh, without getting caught at all? Yeah. right sniper but once they be able to track the bullet if the gun is registered not for sure but it might be make it easier it does security cameras all over the place i think whatever you know what then you're right i think an up-close killing

as little blood as possible maybe a choke choke out, cut off the fingertips, take out the teeth, get the body somewhere else. Now, let me ask you a question because you run a podcast. How long have you been doing it? We've been doing Legion of Skanks for 13 years. Okay, so I only started mine a little less than a year ago now, so I'm not too experienced. And one of the things i consider with the guests is do you think because i haven't done it yet but i'm i'm considering it

do you think it would be an issue to start physically um you know assaulting the guests or should i continue to stay away from that no well i tell you what in the world this internet youtube world we're in it's not a bad idea to physically assault the guest. It's going to get the clicks. How likely do you think the guest is going to get it? The concern goes, you had Jason Ellis on the show. Yeah. No, no, not fight me.

How likely do you think they are to actually sue me or something? I'm not concerned about fighting because if I start doing it, I'll just hire a bunch of gangsters to watch. Gotcha. To make sure if it starts going bad, they get involved. They won't even get involved. You're saying legally.

If it's a comedian, any comedian worth their weight at all isn't going to sue somebody for that. They'll enjoy the fact that they have the story of this crazy podcast where they don't like gangsters. What about you, though?

Because I wouldn't say that you're not a funny comedian, but you're also really heavy in terms of weight sure so do you think that might make it a little tougher for well if you have gangsters here uh no and there's gonna be people who might just succumb to the the pure threat of the gangster guys and just let you beat the shit out of them which has to feel good have you been in a physical fight ever no never once never been in a fight pretty impressive i usually just solve it by giving them money or something yeah i mean most of the time it's not real but yeah but i mean somebody coming up i'm surprised it's uh well you're 17. i think it's good you haven't been in a fight you've been california

for how many years my whole life i was born was born there. You were born in California? And not one fight at all. So you weren't in the gangland warfare part of it. Oh no, I grew up in one of those, by myself, in one of those motel eights. Oh, okay. Someone just left you there and you just were right? Oh no, I left and I went there.

That's where I wanted to stay. Fuck your parents, right? No, they were fine. They offered. They said you can come back to the house. Or you can live in a Motel 8. I didn't, they didn't even, it wasn't like when kids run away, you know, when a kid gets their like Xbox taken away. This wasn't punishment.

It wasn't punishment. I just felt like I wanted to do it. You wanted to get out of the house. At what age? Well, I don't remember. What was it? Six, seven, eight? Six or seven or eight years old living by yourself.

You know, there was a documentary on, I think it was HBO Max, about the girl who they were wondering, was she nine years old or an adult midget living on her own? Oh, yeah. She was an adult, by the way. She was nine years old. No, she was an adult. You think so? That's what I heard.

Maybe I'm wrong. They said she was an adult at one point. think mexicans are really from space i think some of them are for sure maybe the originals you get the reference yeah the ones who made uh pyramids and maybe i don't get the reference no because they're aliens you know the illegal aliens got you yes though I still do I keep forgetting I shouldn't touch your hands no no no I'll just keep away from the narrow drawing okay do you think a hotel should be liable if an employee opens your door to the room and shoots you do i think the building should be yeah liable if your co-worker opens the door and shoots you no why not it's not the person's fault you know uh shit happens within the walls i mean uh so you

don't think i should be able to sue the hotel? You were assaulted in your hotel? No, but I'm thinking about just going to random, like, I'll book a really, really nice hotel and then just hire, again, a gangster to just shoot me in the foot or something. I like that. Yes, I think that is one. With my address, I would probably take that out of the episode. It's not leaving the episode.

And then go through with it. It's staying right there in the episode. No, we should get out my address and then we probably take that out of the episode. It's not leaving the episode. And then go through with it. It's staying right there in the episode. No, we should get out my address, and then we should get out your plan. That is a good one of having someone shoot you in the foot at a hotel. Oh, you're saying you don't want me? I shouldn't reveal what my plan is? You shouldn't give that plan. Okay, I'll have it removed.

Have that removed. And then throw my address. Oh, no, my guy is hard of hearing. He won't be able to figure it out. He can only do the one at a time? He'll only figure out stuff that I asked him to remove. Yeah, so then you could ask him with that one. Oh, no, I guy's hard of hearing. He won't be able to figure it out. He can only do the one at a time? He'll only figure out stuff that I asked him to remove. Yeah, so then you could ask him with that one. Oh, no, I can't do it.

He's hard of hearing. Okay. Oh, okay. We got to move on, though. You mentioned earlier you're Jewish. Yes. Do you think John Cena and The Big Show would be good role models for young Jews? Are they both Jews?

Neither. Neither? Just are they good role models? I don't know. I don't think so. I think the world of professional wrestling is dark and dirty behind the scenes. So you don't think so? I don't think so.

You look a little bit like the big show. Yeah, for sure. When he had long hair and I had long hair, I definitely liked the big show. I wasn't really referencing the hair or the face. Yeah, yeah. It was more of the body. The stomach. For sure.

And the flat ass. It is a... I wasn't, that's not something, you know, I really focused on when watching... Yeah, I was just letting you know.

WrestleMania. Yeah, someone says flat ass. When they're wearing those outfits, you realize it. That's what you're, I mean, it makes sense with the other factor. It's not the first thing

that I focus on, but I mean... It's one of the things you're... You look for ass bubble and you look for bulge. see what the guy's working with okay do you think the government has done enough to help you and other homeless people um no i think much more can be done we need uh housing and we need it now we're human beings and where do you live now uh i live on well oh it's... You said it already.

I already said where I lived. In front of that building. You might as well say it again. I mean, we're not cutting it out. Four. What a horrible mistake to come on this podcast and say your address. I know, I didn't... I really hope that's the wrong address for your sake. Yeah, yeah.

It was the wrong address for your sake it's yeah yeah it was the wrong address I listen if that's somebody else's address and they're gonna have people at their house regardless now should we be held liable if I don't live there they go to that I'll be liable oh yeah you should be but I asked you to take it out and you wouldn't take it out so then somehow you have to be. Why am I liable? I'm not the one shooting the bullet. I just hired the guy.

Oh, I'm wondering. Oh, you're also underage, which might get you out completely. Oh, yeah, yeah. I ain't got nothing. I'm going to eat the whole shit for this. I'm 14 years old. I'm not responsible. 14 now?

Yeah. That makes it better and better. Mike Mike's, what is he, eight? Mike Mike's eight years old? Mike Mike can't hear either. Is Mike Mike audio guy? No, he's not the audio guy, but he's saying yes. Hey, stupid fuck, if you're the audio guy,

then you can't hear what he's saying. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's trying to tell you he's the camera guy, actually. Do you think you make more or less money than the average Amish gangster? I think I make a little bit more but they may have more because they don't have to pay for amenities like uh you know be it uh everything all right yeah we're doing a little a little thing here oh okay okay just ignore what ignore what you were saying so you know those guys who do the little game

oh yeah go like this they say which one is it under three card monty yeah so we're gonna play Okay, just ignore what you were saying. So you know those guys who do the little game? Oh, yeah. They go like this. They say, which one is it under? Three-card Monty. Yeah. So we're going to play that, but you actually have to put up real money. Do you have anything? Besides the dollar.

I have just this dollar. You don't have anything else? That's all the cash I have. You have no other cash on you. But I'll lay an IOU down. Okay, we'll just play. You'll Venmo me after. Yes.

Okay. So you're going to have to guess which one it's under okay Mm-hmm. Look watch it This is for a hundred 100 now putting a hundred but no hundred bucks on the line I'm pretty good this game. I'm willing to put I'll put a thousand dollars. I got you I got thousand Do you have it Matt on because I'm gonna tell you one is it you get one chance you're gonna

I'm 2000 2000 which one Fuck me. Okay, double or nothing. 4000 if you get it in one of these. Okay. Double or nothing. I got to get this back.

Matan, you better have this money. Quick, I don't got the time. You better have this money. Okay. I feel like I can see... Which one is it? Through this one. Don't touch it through don't touch it not touching which one this guy here this guy here nothing in it no way i was you're touching that oh see i got you what am i into you now for?

So now if you don't pay... Four grand? Mike, sit the fuck down. And just so you know, now if you don't pay me the money, I'm actually leaving the address in. So now it's going to cost me $4,000 to get my address removed. What a disaster podcast. And I'm still going to leave it in.

I'm going to forget about it. But still, and you're too young for me to do anything legal about it. Yep. He's got to wait here. And Mike is what? Four years old? He's the brain of one. He's a...

If you had to rank the members of Legion of Skanks from most funny to Dave Smith, what would be the order? Me, Louis, Dave Smith. You're the funniest? Well, you only gave me a choice of two. Dave Smith had what would be the order? Me, Lewis, Dave Smith. You're the funniest? Well, you only gave me a choice of two. Dave Smith had to be last. I'm saying between you, though, who's funnier, you and Lew? It depends. It depends on the day, I'd say.

It's very, very funny. And why is Dave Smith last? Because you said he had to be. But he's been on Joe Rogan, what, 12 times? At least 12 times. Yeah. At least 12 times, I believe. 12 times? Yeah. I've been on joe rogan what 12 times at least 12 times yeah but he's 12 times i believe 12 times yeah i've been on twice oh no three three times yeah i don't think they went great

you don't think so so you don't think he's gonna have you on again i think he is having us on again i think we're doing it uh this weekend actually oh you're going on well this is going to release probably far after that but you're going on joe, this is going to release probably far after that. But you're going on Joe Rogan again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to try again to see if I can make Joe Rogan. What was the issue with the last appearances? I didn't know. I didn't know you went on.

I never make him laugh. He just sits there. He never laughs. Oh, we're laughing here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is, everyone's having a ball. The audio guy just can't hear, but he would be. I think when he listens back to this and watches

the captions he's gonna shit himself with laughter oh yeah he's gonna just well again he can't hear anything but the the visual on this episode again his other favorite episode was david lucas oh really because he likes a a larger person in the middle thing he's just he's just funnier to look at and that was i don't know if you'll be able to top that because that guy had an exceptionally funny like visual, visual episode. He kept sticking his fingers in his ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he put it in poor Mike Mike's face.

Yep. He almost died. He had to eat that. If you guys didn't say the N-word that day, you're never gonna. Was that a question? What? Oh, I thought I just answered a question. No, I was just letting you ramble while I found the next one.

That's fair. How many kids? You have kids or no? One. You have one kid? Yep. Would you sell them for any amount of money? Sure.

What amount of money? Well, what am I selling them to? To a s*** or something? Sure. Because if that's, then no. No amount of money? Well, what am I selling them to? To a s*** or something? Sure. Because if that's, then no. No amount of money for that. Nothing? But just like sell it to a person.

Sure. No, four bucks. Come on, that's crazy. I'll tell you what, though. Let me say four bucks, and I'll tell you why. Between that and the dollar that I currently have had, that's the five dollars that you said, on record, would make you take my address out of this.

I didn't say that. Even if I did, I'm having the audio guy remove it. No, but you said if I gave you $5, and then I gave you the one, remember? You gave me one? I gave you $1. Oh, one plus $4,000. I think you're getting mixed up.

The $4,000 you owed me from the game. It was a fair game, by the way. Can we have an arm wrestle or something to try to get back my $4,000? I'd like to leave with zero. Whoever knocks a hat off the other person first wins, okay? Double or nothing. The thing is, you're not wearing a hat. Well, I'm trying to give you another option.

You want to do double or nothing? Because right now you thing is, you're not wearing a hat, so... Well, I'm trying to give you another option. You want to do double or nothing? Because right now, you're just down $4,000. Yeah, I'll be down $8,000, and you don't have a hat, so I'm going to sit here. All right, you know what? Fine, let's do it. Whoever knocks the hat off the thing first. Oh, you know, I don't like this game. I don't like the colors in your hair.

$4,000. That's it. Oh! Got you. Oh, you know, I don't like this game. I don't like the colors in your hair. Four grand. That's it. Oh. Got you. We never said that wasn't allowed. You didn't establish the rules. There was no rules laid down. No, if there's nothing else, I'm fair.

You fucking. If there's nothing else, I'm fair. That's why you just lost eight grand. David Lucas said he was getting ten grand to do the show. I'm now in the hole eight grand. You're paying me. I'm almost going to be able to pay it off. I woke up today and can't. Okay.

Listen. Why do you think you eat so many calories per day? I have a very busy schedule and it's the carb loading I think is what keeps me going. Huh? It was nothing. It was a stupid answer.

Try again. Because I like food. Okay, we'll just move on. That was two in a row bad. When you perform at comedy clubs do people usually leave early? Sometimes they do. And why do you think that is because of you or dave smith it's retroactively dave smith i think it's my

affiliation with him now it's usually uh people who have never heard of me before who came to some comedy show and i'm saying ridiculous not even offensive you think you're an offensive comedian or do you is that how you view yourself like more you say whatever you want type of thing no i mean i'm definitely a comedian that gets called offensive for sure but no i don't think i'm offensive why what's the most offensive thing you've ever said oh i don't know i've gotten a lot of uh i made a joke years ago the first i remember the first thing when i was young like 19 20 years old doing comedy and in 1920 the 19 in the early in the roaring 20s the cotton club i was uh that's

in harlem um but no i did it i used to have a joke about tori amos do you know she is no clue she's a sad singer from the 90s, and she had a lot of songs. Her songs were sad, or she was just like a sad person? Her songs were sad, and I made a joke about her that people really didn't like. It said something she was, she has a lot of songs about being sexually assaulted. And so I said if it happened that much, at some point, by the numbers, it had to have happened once while she was writing a song about it happening before. And I said, fool me once. Or I said, me once.

Shame on you. Me twice. I shouldn't have ordered the lobster. And that was that stirred up shit. And so the people that you get, you got canceled for that or that was before cancel? Before cancel culture. It was just a Travelocity review of a comedy club that said I was an asshole. What's Travelocity?

I think it was an old, like, Pinterest type thing back in the day. So this was when the internet was around. Early internet. Early internet and somebody wrote a thing saying that you were just not funny and you took it too far? Piece of shit and took it too far and so nowadays when you're on stage by yourself do people ever like heckle you like why are you doing that podcast with that jewish that other jewish dude yeah they do wonder they do that's the most asked question why would i link up with another jew and do something at all but i mean uh yeah not to interrupt you you have a what is that tattoo

it's legion legion of skanks, that's the tattoo of the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what is the O in the, it's a little mad face? It's the symbol, yeah. It's the little mad face. What is it? It's a little angry? Yeah, yeah.

It's a little X-mouth face. I don't know if we've ever named it before. The skank, I guess. And so why do you have a bunch of different tattoos just all over your body? Fat insecurity also. It hides things. But don't you think that those might eventually prevent you from getting a job

when this doesn't work out? I do worry about that. When I went below the elbows, I did say it's either comedy or gas station attendant. Maybe gas station attendant. I'm not even sure if they'd get you there. Is it too much now for a gas station? And then the fact that, I mean, most of them will just say to the workers,

like, if you want on break, just take something to eat. Oh, you're saying I would take too much time in between? No, they would be paying you like double almost the actual salary of the food you were taking would just amount to... It hurts them, yes. You're right. It just wouldn't be worth it. It puts them in the red.

If Mike Mike worked there, you know, what's he taking? A bag of chips every week and then with you it's like... Tops, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, hey, is anyone going to take

this case of cookies and then I bring them home? Yeah. You bring them home? I did lose a lot of jobs like that. I got fired from a UPS job when I was loading the trucks with boxes. You just couldn't fit through the door? No way. Couldn't do it.

Because most of those trucks, you know what I mean? They have the little open door. They don't close. The very slim door, yeah. So then they had to put me back in the 18 wheelers. How'd they get you back in there? They just had to come to you? They had to come, yeah. They brought it in to me. I thought maybe you just rolled over there.

No, once I was there, I was just in. You were just in it? No, I was in the truck. How'd they get you out? It took a long time. Okay. And when I came out, I was fired. You came out, like, as a gay, or?

No, no, I came out of the truck. If I was in there any longer, I might have done something gay. Screamed, painted my nails. You had the room to do that, or it was just like... It was pretty tight with all those boxes around me. Oh, I thought it was just... I was able to survive off of food prep delivery meal systems that I found in random boxes.

Okay, well, listen, I appreciate you coming on the podcast, but we have to end it here. I don't want to be rude about it because we have Longinat coming in and we're putting red 40 in his eyes. Oh, really? Until he can't see anymore. Oh, but I mean like, but now that we're done, I mean like the, you're going to take the address.

Yeah, the thing, right? No, we're done. That's the end of the thing. But I have to leave that in. We don't do any editing. And my guy actually, he's hard of hearing and if I ask him to edit it, he might start asking to get paid for it. So you can't edit anything, so. Oh, no, I'm going to edit it, he might start asking to get paid for it. So you can't edit anything, so... Oh, no, I'm going to edit it, but just not that part.

Because I want to leave it in there. Can you leave out, like, maybe the apartment number or something? Do you want me to write it in subtitles, what you said? No, because, I mean... That's not... They're going to get mad, guys. Why is there a big black cop here?