The Matan Show - Matan Pranks Murr From The Impractical Jokers

Episode Date: July 26, 2026

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Hello everybody. Welcome back to the podcast for today's guest. We have Murr. Welcome in. Thanks for coming. You got it. Nice to see you. I did bring donuts.

For today's co-host, we have Mike. Welcome in Mike. Hi, Mike. Yeah, I brought these. I did Greek the logo. It's a local chain near me, but I know they're not a sponsor of your show. So I did.

What's going to be in there? A bunch of bugs or something? No, it's just regular delicious donuts. There's going to be some bugs in there. There's nothing, there's no bugs. There's just delicious donuts from a local brand near me where I live. There's got to be something wrong with it. There's, I promise you there's nothing wrong with it.

I wouldn't do that. Hi, buddy. I wouldn't do that. It's just delicious. Somebody see on these? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Fresh, uh, local donuts from a little mom and pop shop near me.

Oh, I get it. Yeah, but they're not made by a rick. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, there's no, no, no, they're just made from dough and sugar and all sorts of good things. There's nothing nefarious going on there, buddy. Like, I'm just legit, a big fan. So I thought I'd come bearing gifts. I'm a talon.

That's what we do. Right. I understand. Well, I appreciate it. I'm a little cautious, so I won't eat it right now. Blocked my vision a little bit with the, the, the, the blow of gentlemen, but we'll deal with it. This is a sponsor. Is it one of the sponsors?

Yeah. That's why I agreed to the logo. Yeah. He paid himself. Did he? What's the brands? Can you introduce yourself to anybody who might not know you and all that one? My name is Murr. I'm the skinniest and practical Joker. Well, you know, maybe they don't know what that is either, so maybe you have to go in a little more detail.

It's a TV show. Been on since the early 40s at this point, I think. A long time. Car shopping this civic holiday weekend, most car dealerships are closed and all you'll find are crickets. Not Performance Auto Group. They're open this Saturday and Holiday Monday for their annual Civic Holiday Sales Event. Celebrate this long weekend with rates from 0%. They might be closed. Performance Auto Group is open to serve you.

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You compared me to Elon Musk? No, I'm... But why would I be comparing you to Elon Musk, especially if I was initially implying that you have more. But if you compare me to, I'm doing okay. I know that you're losing your hair, so you look maybe like the average man. I'm not losing. It's gone. I lost it somewhere in the 90s.

But you're way above the average guy. Way above? Yeah, in terms of wealth and status. I don't know. It depends on your definition of average. Like, you know, like, you know. Well, that would be completely objective. I don't know.

I mean, you know, it's like 70 grand a year. I got a little beef with you, by the way. With me? Yeah. I'm a big fan, but also you've had Sal on this show like three times now, and yet you finally faxed me the other day to come on and thank God my fax numbers the same. And I came on, which I'm glad to get the invite, but it's been a hot second, man. Well, I've tried before, but maybe my messages didn't reach you. You used my old fax number. Yeah, probably. Yeah,

I finally got you the new one and that's, that worked out. Do you think when eugenics finally exist the black population will plummet. Eugenics. Is that like by Elron Hubbard? Is that the book he wrote that's inspired Scientology? Eugenics. Something like that. Oh no, that's Dianetics. Basically, you get to decide how your kid

comes out, how tall, how smart. You mean like you can go into like CRISPR and cut DNA and do things like that? That's the idea of it. So when that exists, with the black population, either plummet or just be completely non-existent. I don't know, man. If I could design a like somebody like, what's the

that played creed, Michael Jordan. If I could design a kid to be like Michael B. Jordan, like my kid, I think it might explode the population. I think it goes the other way. Like, who would want a young Michael B. Jordan rather than a balding, skinny white guy? Well, you don't have to make them like you, but would you not rather have a smart guy than a Michael B. Jordan?

Well, now you're talking intellect rather than physical. Well, we may be able to decide this depending on how advanced it gets. Yeah. Well, it's pretty far along now, man. Like, it is a little tough to see you. I see a eye, a eye over your sponsor. But back to the question, my answer is really, give me a baby Michael B. Jordan is what I would go with for me and my wife. That's ridiculous.

Michael B. Jordan? No, you would choose that over a smart person. Oh, I think looks probably go further than intellect in this world. So you agree with clavicular? I mean, like with who? Clevicular. Is that the look-smacking maxing guy?

Yes. Coming up on a punishment on practical jokers, they had me in prosthetics for five hours to be a looks-maxing expert. Oh, really? And I had a whole roundtable

debating me, and I looked, looks ridiculous. You look like clavicular. Is what you're saying? They made me look just like him. Yeah, no joke. Yeah, and I did looks ridiculous.

Do you think... Do you think... The donuts. Huh? What did you say about that? I didn't, they're regular. There's nothing wrong with them. You don't have to eat them.

I don't know what your dietary restrictions are. Is that shit in there? Did you put shit in that the prank? That looks like... No, it's chocolate. It's got a little shit in it. You definitely did something to them. It's a local mom and pop.

It's called funkin' donuts. Do you think Asians perpetuate stereotypes about eating dogs by literally serving fever-induced peak face filled with feces in downtown? town LA? Fever induced, what? Fever induced peak face filled with feces. You know, I don't really go to L.A. much as a New Yorker, so I can't really speak on. Well, just take my word for it. I live there. You do? Yeah. Huh. The shit they sell down there is insane. What do they sell? Give me an example of like a... That's an example. That's specifically an example. That's an example I saw. Have you tried it? No, I'm not because I'm not a crazy Asian person. Well, I mean, you've got to try everything in life. Like,

how do you know you don't love it? What if that's your thing? Like, you're young. You're young. Would you make the same argument about dr-h-h-h-I think you should try everything and see what works for you, man. Like, like if you haven't tried it and still think, I don't know. Like, I want to try everything. Give me that. Let me try it. Let me try it. I'll try it.

Would you try it? Under medical supervision. See, but now, now you have to add all these guidelines and you're changing much. You know what I'm saying? But I would love to try it one day if I had a doctor that said, okay, this is the amount just to give you the experience. and then to ween the oil. So you're trying so hard right now not to say anything racist

or agree with my racist things that you're saying you would try fever-induced fig, pig face filled with shit. Pig face filled with shit. I have eaten dog shit on impractical jokers. That's not even close to as bad

as what I just said. Fever-induced pig shit. Fever-induced. So the pig has a fever. Yeah. What's causing the fever, I guess,

is what you have to eat? Like, is it diseased in some way? Like, I don't want to be able to get that answer out of an extremely old, angry Asian lady? An extremely old, angry Asian, she's old and angry.

Why is she angry because of the... It's a hard question. Because she wasn't born in the time of eugenic. If you want a $3,000 a month payday for life, what would you feel free to do? Maybe take a long weekend every weekend? Or try a bunch of new hobbies? Would you feel free to

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You know that. But me and you came out good. She didn't. That's why she's upset. I came out good? Yeah. Thanks. I appreciate that. See that? I'm good. My mom was right. I'm good. Your bitch ever play with you so you knocked the bitch out and and worry she gonna call her fed for sleeping her. It was a nice one too, fucking, for the sleep.

It sounds, I really just at this point listen to like 80s music, so I'm not sure what the reference is on that. That wasn't a reference. Oh, it sounds like a musical lyric. The bitch, you know, motherfucker, she keeps playing with you. You tell her bitch shut up and then, fuck it, you got to take her to sleep, yo.

Yeah, no, no, word to that, to that, what that means. You ever done that to your bitch? Have I ever slept with the bitch? Then she said, what was it? No, not sleeping like sick.

Like, fucking punched the shit out of her. She don't call the fed on you. Like metaphorically? No. Or like literally. Well, I don't know the rap. I don't know the rap.

I don't know what the kids say. Why are you associating this with rap? I don't know. It sounds like a rapper lyric to me. That's way worse and way more racist than anything I've said so far. Yeah, I listen to Taylor Swift a lot. I don't recall that in her when I went to see her in concert that lyric. No, I don't think she uses that one.

That also wasn't a lyric. That was a question. Oh, it was a bitch ever. Yeah, she plays with you so much that you decide to knock her out. Oh, and then your words is going to call the police on you. But plays not mean like play hopscotch. You mean like play like, what board games are we playing, but not what are we playing? She's playing.

She's playing annoying words into your ear. She's talking and yapping and complaining. Like, oh, they've written, you know, yeah, no, right? Yeah. With that. I don't know how. So you knock her out because she's a bitch? Like metaphorically?

What do you mean metaphorically? Are you saying, like, do I physically knock someone out? How did it take you that long to understand that? I haven't been a fight since I was in grade school. I wouldn't consider that a fight. It was a fight. More of a mercy. I knocked that bitch out.

He was coming at me and I stood up for myself. He, but that's the integral difference. Yeah, yeah. No, I wouldn't hit a. woman. Even if they were playing with you? Even if they, I probably still wouldn't. No.

I think I would have to say no or that one. So when does it become allowed? You know, I mean, if it's an end of the world scenario and it's like a thunder dome and it's me versus another person for a fight to the death or like we're on a boat in the South Pacific and some like a B word is threatening my family, my dogs. I would probably knock that B out, I would say. In that situation, South Pacific, we're in the last Spirit Airlines flight. It goes down.

No land in sight. There's eight of us on the raft and one B. You're going to drink that? That's why I would use medical supervision for the hair. There you go. Get it, get a little bit, get a little drip. There we could look at that. That is.

Thank you, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You okay? You okay? Just breathe slowly. Yeah, yeah.

Don't breathe as you drink. That's the problem. That's what gets you in trouble. That was a good one. That was a good one. I just got a nice... Yeah. Let it go.

Get it out. Get it out, buddy. That's okay. Get it out. Take a sip. I've taken many sips, but... Oh, that's actually horribly disgusting. I can't believe you just took a sip of that.

I told you a dog shit on the TV show once. This is nothing. I'll do this all day. I'm going to be the most refreshed guest ever on this show There we go There we go Thanks buddy I appreciate that

That's great Gagins mentality What's that? Yeah Yeah How do you guys know each other by the way What was it? Where'd you meet?

That's David Gagons That's uh I'm joking with you Yeah That's David Gagins This is David Gagins Thanks man David Gagins

He never quit Until we got it all down This is a lot of water buddy get get the cup get the cup get the cup it's a very small cup I mean you've contained as much as you can I have and the problem is the force of it keeps pushing water out but I've filled up several times I mean you're also like 80% away through it yeah yeah give it to me I want it son of them I can't freaking get any you're a selfish piece of shit thank you thank you thank you

Thank you. You gotta share, man. Like I'm cool with it, just share. Gagin's mentality. You lift your legs up. This is the master? You're only working your upper abs right now. Lift your legs up in the air.

You get you work your bottom abs too. This is basic facts. When the student becomes the master. Yeah. Underwears wet. Got the inner crotch. And I wore my good jeans. I wasn't even trying to get him.

I thought he would drink all of it. Yeah. No, he couldn't do that. A human could not drink a whole polo spring bottle. But look, he never gives up. No, I appreciate the Hutzpah, but you're doing her. You got to lift your legs up in the air. Don't use that word. You're working Hutzpah?

Yeah. I can't. You're right. It's an appropriation. No, no, we don't like those guys over here. Oh, we're not going to give them any leverage, any cultural leverage. You need some water? It tastes like you. Never quits.

Do you guys, do you guys, are you roommates at all? Do you live together? Absolutely not. Did you see what he just fucking did? Did you think I'd live with it? the guy who's either doing this because he's crazy or doing this because he's on a show. Either way, I'm not living with this guy. I think you'd be a blast to live with.

The water bill would be crazy. All right, let's move on. If an extremely out of touch for him, my name is Peter Parker, but I'm also Spider-Man. This Thursday, we're faced with a threat. That can be anyone. The world may have forgotten Peter Parker. I'm just a neighbor, friendly neighbor.

But he hasn't forgotten them. Sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing. That's my responsibility. Dr. Banner? I didn't know you could get that big. Spider-Man, brand-new day in theaters Thursday. Truly believe that by shaking a Jew's ear hard enough, gold coins would fly out. Should it really be classified as a hate crime?

I don't think it's a crime to shake someone's ear necessarily. So the question itself, and he's shaking it really hard. If you do it in an assaulting way, I could shake your ear right now and you're not going to press charges. Fact. Like, I could talk my own to shit. I feel like you're purposefully misrepresenting what I'm asking you. You ask the question wrong. If you say if I assault someone, don't do, I brought those.

They're destroyed now. They're all soaking wet. That's, that's not on me. That's, that's, that's, they were full of shit, though. I'm not going to eat that. That's full of shit. It's a problem. I'm telling you now, I could shake any human beings here in a non-confrontation.

way and get permission to do it. And if gold came out, that's great. That's just added benefit. I'll do it without the gold falling out. He's now going to go on a 100-mile run. He could do it. His legs are destroyed. All of the ligaments are torn.

They'll never recover. Yeah. And he has a bunch of shit in his pants. I mean, a marathon is 26.2 miles. So he's doing four marathons. Your Achilles are toast, bro. That's exactly what I just said. Yeah.

Toast. He will never recover. Okay. Anyways, no. Obviously, this isn't in a fun. It's clearly confrontational. He's as hard as he can shaking a Jew's ear to get gold coins to fly out. I could do it. I could get permission to do it, is what I'm saying. You think you could go up to a random Jew who thinks you're out to give him?

I go up to anyone on earth. He thinks you're an idol worshipper and you grab his ear and you shake it as hard as you can. I could go up to any human being on earth's ears. Talk my way into shaking that person's ears in such a way that they don't consider it as salt. They'll love it. They'll be like, oh my God, please shake my ears. more and I get that gold. I feel like this mentality is the type that would probably lead somebody to end up fucking somebody. Well, I could convince any woman that it's okay for me to grab

their ear. It's like, all right, I think you need to figure out that that's not true. Hard to talk your way into that one, for sure, yeah. But, you know, it's shaking the ears I could do. I think I could. I know again. That's definitely not true. Well, agree to... As I just said, but I don't think you heard me. They're not even

willing to talk to you these Jews. They think they're an idol worship or devil. I don't use the use my mouth. I can talk so am I using my facial expressions, body language. I'm like, you know, if I come over with a big smile on my face, I'm like, give him a hug, shake their hand, tug on the ears. They're going to love it. No words necessary. I highly encourage you to try this and then your show will get canceled for assaulting a .

That's not a soul. Do it later today and send it to me. You know what? Send me a video. Say, hey, tomorrow. We just did the show earlier. I'm from the Joker show. here's a random Jew I found

I'm gonna get some gold to come out of his ear Hey look I'm friendly I'm smiling And then give me some of the gold after Because there's no evidence to prove it's not true There's not enough data Get ready for the text later today It's coming in I'll do it I've done it I'll add it in post

Are you telling me it's a coincidence That the Joker from the movie Is also a mentally challenged man from New York Is it a coincidence You're a Joker from New York And you're mentally challenged And it's also a coincidence That's always see the Joker from the movie

Yeah, no, it seems like it seems like it was based on me, doesn't it? I can't confirm that. I have no relationship with who's the guy that made Joker, the... Badman. No, the, no, the director, the guy, Wilson Phillips, no, what's his name? Glenn Powell, the guy, the guy that made the movie, the comedy guy. Anybody know the director's name? Do you know the director of the Joker?

Famous guy. Do you know what ends up happening to him? In the movie or in the comics? In the movie? In the movie, he gets committed to an insane asylum, right? In the first one. Second one was... I didn't watch the second one.

Not Glenn Powell. What the hell is his name? The director. Phil... Phil... Philip... You know, the guy. Phil...

Am I close? I feel like I'm close. What the hell are you talking about? I don't know. I'm clearly mentally insable. It's just like The Joker from New York. Hey, guys, start for the interruption. I have to let you know

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See the description below or visit rumble.com slash promo official. rules for more details. This is a paid advertisement from Rumble. And thank you to Rumble for sponsoring today's episode. Would you call the police if you saw a white woman with a black baby? Was she committing a crime? Like, is she robbing the bank? Is she murdering someone?

No, so they can arrest the baby. Oh, so the baby? Yeah. Did the baby commit a crime? But better to get him now than later. Oh, I see what you're saying. So it's almost like a, what's the Tom Cruise movie? where they can predict the future, future crime, you know,

Minority Report. Minority Report, the movie. Oh, that was called? Yeah, Minority Report. Ironically. Where they report minorities to the police? Is that what it is? It was, one would think, but no, they went a different direction. They could predict future crime using these kind of telepathic kind of people,

and they would go in and arrest you before he committed the crime. There's two ways this movie ends up happening, and I haven't seen it. So it's either going to be a really stupid movie that's not historically accurate or a movie they got everybody involved completely strapped. out from Hollywood. What? What was it? Where did you go with the question?

It's either very... That was just a prediction of how the movie was... Oh, got it. I understand. No, he was a great movie, but ironic the title's minority report and you're asking if you would arrest the baby

for a future crime given it's a minority, which is ironic. What's ironic about that? I never asked about the movie. That would be ironic if I mentioned the movie and I didn't know that that was what is about, but I never mentioned the movie.

Did I? Do I know for a fact that the baby's going to commit a crime? For a fact. Would you arrest me right now if you knew that there's a 50% chance later today? I'm not a police officer. Probably. Probably. Like a citizen's arrest?

What I do? Because I don't have the authority. No, hypothetical you could arrest me. It'll just interact. So I'm a cop, you're saying. Because I don't have the legal authority to arrest you. Are you doing this hypothetical? Sure.

I do. I have been granted some kind of authority by the force to do a citizen's arrest on. To arrest me because I'd arrest you arrest right now. That's exactly my point. If you had a 50% chance. Yeah. Maybe I wouldn't arrest you because you have a 50% chance of not doing it. But I would detain you is probably the more better way.

I'll put you in a box here in this set and contain you for today. And then I know it's 100% chance. And how about this? We'll detain this baby and then we'll send him to hell. The baby. Oh, well, now you're. The Hulu original series Furious is coming to Disney Plus. Starring Emmy Rossum, Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer.

Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur. Don't miss the three-episode premiere of the Hulu original series Furious on July 27th, only on Hulu on Disney Plus. Okay, so you're going further. You're saying detain the baby so it doesn't commit the crime, but then also send it to hell implying that you're going to kill the baby, which is the thing. I did not say that.

How else do you go to hell? Like JetBlue? I don't know. It's probably an answer that none of us know. Do you know how to get to hell for sure? I don't know. I assume you'd make a left at Trenton. I don't know.

I really don't know the answer to that. But, you know, it's somewhere. In Jersey. And what age does it stop being okay to sit in the Chucky Cheese parking lot, staring at children with binoculars? Yeah, you probably shouldn't do that. However, if you go into the ball pit, they can't stop you. That's a fact.

That's a legal fact. They cannot stop you, human, from going into the ball pit. They have no restrictions on that ball pit. You may not want to. It's full of its infested, disease-ridden pile of balls. Yeah, but how does that accomplish the goal of the type of guy? who would look at children at Chucky Cheese with binoculars. Yeah, you probably should do that in the park.

That's probably frowned upon. But when does it stop being okay? Because if a little kid does it, it's probably fine. Probably. If somebody my age does it, now we're bordering on, like, we don't know if it's okay. You're how old now? I'm 19. 19.

It's like it's probably not okay. But I think it's okay. You don't I find so fascinating, by the way. When I was your age, I was like, no, I probably wasn't doing anything. Maybe, like, when I was still like, a little bit younger, I was playing Manhunter. Do you guys play manhunt anymore or no? No, what's that? It's, like, you hunt men?

Like, in the forest? I don't mean like a... It's a video game? No, it's just like a kind of tag or gotcha, where one team starts in one end of the woods, the other team starts in the other range. It's like a gay thing? And you blow a whistle, it's not.

It could be, but I bet you there's an interpretation of it that way. For us it wasn't that, but I'm sure for many it is, and we would just hunt each other in the forest, and you've got to catch each other. And then you catch the, you know, capture the whole team. It was a manharm. I didn't do like podcasting because the internet did not exist.

And so how old are you? I'm, what, 40, 50? 70, 80 at this point? No, that's not true. I just turned 50 a few weeks ago. Just turned 50? Yes, sir. So now you're 51?

No, as of a few weeks ago, I'm 50. You just turned 50 though? Yeah. So now you're 51. I'm 50 as of four weeks ago. So now you'll be 51 years old. So now you'll be 51 years old. Then you'll be 52.

I'll be 51. No, in 11 months, actually, you'll be 53. It's just math, man. Oh, you're saying because you count zero to 11 months, 29 days is one? No. How's your math work then? You just turned 54 weeks ago, so now you're 51. Do you understand this 365 days in an earth year?

Yeah. Got it. So in 11 months, you'll be 30 days into it. Okay. I see how you got there. How did I get there? Let's say yes. And just move on.

But how did I get there if you see it? Because we don't have eugenics yet, so your brain has not calculated math yet. It doesn't understand the basics. But these are problems. That's just because I dropped out of school when I was like 11. That's not a eugenics thing. I got potential to know how to do good math. I don't think you're allowed to do that.

I don't think parents are allowed to let you drop out of school at 11. I don't know that. I have dogs. But I don't think it's allowed. I think it's literally illegal. You wouldn't, you don't have kids? I know. The temptation?

Because No, because dogs are much easier to deal with. Yeah. Because they can't report it. And they go outside. They don't have to scream all night. The dog is called the police. The dog is fucked. Literally.

Yeah. And figuratively. Your parents let you drop out of school at 11? What'd you do from 11 to 19? Just wander the streets? I would paint myself black and then I would go to different, like, big cities and I would collect money. And I would sit in,

a wheelchair with a hat that said veteran. So then they'd feel super bad for me because they'd think I was like a veteran and also like a black guy from the day and age where like that was really sad. You see I played manhunt. Yeah, but now, well, at least when I was 11, I had more money than you. Now it's not really close. No, it's reversed itself. So maybe I'll catch up with my great tactics.

It's doubtful. What did you say? What? I said, yeah, I bet you will. That's not what you said. I don't know. I wasn't listening to myself. You prank Sal on an episode of the impractical jokers by marrying his sister.

I did. Wouldn't it have been a better prank if you killed her? Yeah, you know, hindsight, man, is 2020. I mean, we grew up with her. I've known her my whole life. So it did seem at the time that marriage would be the funniest choice. Murder. It was fighting, but that would have been a better prank.

It might have been. She's married as kids that don't want to make them orphans. She was married when you married her? She was not. You're right. She was not married when I... So then that's not a relevant factor. So that's not a variable anymore.

So she wasn't married when I married her. So would murder have been the funnier choice? I suppose I see that... Well, I never said it would be funnier. I said it would be a better thing. Yeah, I know, but I put everything through the prism of what's the funniest choice on the show. So if I knew, if I had at least a 50% odds, you know, of it being a funnier choice, I probably would have done it. And then 50% odds.

that it's less funny or as funny because then you're just taking a random shot. You've got to take the risk. You've got to shoot your shot. But that's not even a good risk. That's doing something worse for the exact same odds is it not being better. That's like, look, buddy. You're telling me I don't know how to do math. Well, you said that.

You added incorrectly badly. But no, no, I didn't. You're going to be 54 in a year. Yes, I am. Exactly. I am 54 in May. And following up on that last one, sort of, I get. Not really, but you know.

Who is your least favorite member of the Impractic Jokers? Oh, you know, you've had him on the show three times. I already mentioned that. Oh, it's Sal? Yeah, and you know, I noticed that he said the same thing about me when he was on. Did he? Well, guess what? Who's on now, Sal?

Me. Well, I don't know if this will change it, but you can also include that old member, Joe. Oh, yeah. But maybe it's probably still Sal. No, my answer's the same. It's still Sal. Okay. He's a lovely guy.

Well, I actually asked him something slightly different. I'd ask him who would be a. eliminated and he picked you. He said he would die. He said he chose to eliminate me and physically from Earth. I remember. So if you had to pick one of the impractical jokers to eliminate. Sal?

Sal. Yeah. Okay. There's no question you can answer me that doesn't end with Sal. Really? Why do people respect monks so much when in reality they're extremely lazy fools who spend their entire day acting arrogant and shitting? acting arrogant and shitting

yeah they act like they're so wise like a monk like a holy person holy according to what that lives on a mountain top and dumb fucking lazy fools who live on these mount tops are primarily from like Nepal which is by far the dumbest country capital yeah you know what the IQ is over there

what's that the IQ over there on average is like 60 they're below rickards are they yes is that a fact that's a that's a straight up fact that's an objective truth Look, man, you think, like, if you could trade all of this, all of this, right? All of this to just live essentially for free on a mountaintop in Nepal. I'm not saying I don't understand why they're doing it. It sounds pretty sweet to me.

Maybe they've got to figure it out and weed. The 2026 Chevrolet tracks is the stylish SUV for those on the move. And with the standard Chevy safety assist package, you have the backup to handle every turn with confidence. The 2026 tracks. Start your build at Chevrolet.ca. You're misunderstanding. We're doing the grind. Is this how they trick you?

You're already saying they haven't figured out. I'm not saying that I disapprove of their lifestyle of being lazy bums. Because I would do that too. I'm saying people respect them like they're wise individuals. When in reality they're from by far the dumbest country in the world. They're also not doing anything or getting any education. And also, they don't really know how to fight. They're liars.

Oh, they don't. That shit wouldn't work in a real fight. I don't know, man. I haven't met. I've met a lot of people and I have yet to meet a monk ever. I met a monk. I had a monk on my show. Did you?

Yeah, he was from like America and he moved to one of those countries. How could you be a monk in America? Where are you living? Well, that's why he moved to one of those countries. Maybe that's how they're able to trick all of the Nepali people. They're actually just normally average smart people from America or over in Nepal. They're like Einstein. Well, I don't know.

You know, in Nepal, it's an interesting country because these people spend their time being Sherpers and stuff, right? They're climbing Everest and taking dumb tors. The air and they don't have enough air for their brain so they come out like idiots and the only thing they're able to do to make a living is like physically drag stuff

up the highest mountain in the world. I think that's what it is. It's the lack of oxygen. So this is why people respect them, especially in Nepal because they're not only are they the dumbest, they're like damaging their brain further than that. It could be, it could certainly be the lack of O2. I would imagine

that probably has a detrimental effect on intellect that's like about the third time in this I remember because I remember a couple months ago there were these monks that were walking across what was it the United States? Did you see that? I didn't know. There were like monks walking across some country or something. Like on US

1 where there was just on the highway walking across America? Yeah something like that and people would like line up to say hi to them and give them food and stuff. But they don't talk right? You can't talk to a monk. They don't say anything. I don't think. Why would they give them anything in the first place? These are like bums. They take a vows silence. Is that right? Is that what monks do? They should. Well, they probably do, but not by their own

omission. Maybe because people feel like they, you know, they got to figure it out. They're spiritual people. They're at one with the universe and any kind of that nonsense. And that's why they want to be close to them. I would imagine. But I personally would not line up to see a monk walk through Jersey. Because I got, you know, movies to watch. I got a, you know, I got dogs to feed. I just got shit to do, man. I'm not, I'm not lining up. From monk. Yeah, I don't understand it either. No.

I think we're in agreement on that one. That was a good question. Like, we are fairly in sync. I'm glad do you agree with me on that? Was it the boy band was in sync? Was that who it was? No, no, it wasn't. But every time I tell people about my hatred from monks, they're like, oh, they're such

wise people. They know more than you. I've never met one. They don't see. I don't know. They're not so wise asses. Maybe I can't say one way or the other, but they seem. They look at you like they have some knowledge that you don't.

Yeah, they got that a thousand-yard stare, like they see something you don't see. They don't see shit, though. Their heads all fucked up. I think we're in agreement. Why did they give me detention for eating the food stock under my desk? They should not have. At all.

But you're not in school. You stopped school at 11. So you're saying at 11? This is a past 10th story. Yeah. So you're saying, but you haven't been in school in eight years. I wouldn't be in school now. Anyways, I'm 19, unless I was going to college.

And this story took place when I was like seven or eight years old. So you were in school, you ate food from under your desk? Was it stuck to the bottom of your desk or you just, was it, was it? I was hungry and it was, it was like first period because it was the middle of the day and I hadn't eaten breakfast. And I found food under there. Do you, do you, man. You did nothing wrong. Nothing.

But they gave me detention for a month. You know, a month? Yeah. Who? Who is this teacher? What is his or her name? Because we're going to find this person. I don't remember.

And teach him a little bit about the world. In the grand scheme of life, you're getting a month detention for eating food, a necessary thing to survive from under your gas fuck that teacher yeah they said that I shouldn't do it and it would make me sick but I told him I was hungry you did nothing wrong I completely agree thank you you're welcome nothing wrong you want a donut because I appreciate that you agreed with me I brought these donuts from a they're soaking wet are they really now huh great still delicious it's a local mom and pop oh but you pull a mask down I'll do it I'll give it you nothing

I'll leave it. By the way, you know that Joker's shit wouldn't fly in Baltimore, right? The Joker shit? I'm flying in Baltimore. You got to check in. Is that a rap lyric? No, don't fuck with you. Don't do that Joker shit in the way.

You only play games like that. I probably wouldn't, is what I would go with there. I probably wouldn't do that shit, that Joker shit in Baltimore. That's right. Which is the, you know, the S.D. Capital of the world, I think. It's what? The STD capital of the world is Baltimore, right? They have like a lot of, like a lot of things.

Is that some sort of racist comment to us black, crazy black guy? I assume there's more of races than just black people that live in Baltimore. I haven't been, but... Who do you think got the STD? What's that? We got them. Trying to take it away from us? Yes.

I don't know what the question was. Are we... Trying to give somebody else credit for that? For what? For having all the SDDs? I'm saying they have the most. We got them all. We got to check in.

Who's we? Who are you referring to when you say we? Like, who? Guy from bottom. Guy from more and more. Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree.

I think I agree. I think I agree. But I'm a little uncertain as to what you're saying. This one makes sure. Oh, yeah. You're checking. I think we agree. I can't be right.

There's a donut on the floor. You're going to eat it? Yeah. It's a perfectly good donut. I'm not going to. You're really going to eat that? Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

The Boston cream. You've been like completely desensitized by that show And now you're like Willing to drink spit from somebody's mouth You got a delicious Boston Dream donut on the floor Just sitting there That's a disgusting floor man You should have seen some of the shit we filmed

Have you not watched the show? You're getting off the floor I've watched this show many many times I'm a fan of the show I'm not gonna not eat a donut How was I raised? I see food I eat it man I'm not an animal

I'm not getting detention for a month No you would get it for way longer than that if you went to wherever I was going to school. You want a bite, buddy? I'm going to leave that there in case you want. That's a good donut. You're going to eat that one too? That was an attack on him.

You're really going to eat that? I've been defeated. I couldn't have even imagined that you would do that. I'll leave that there in case you want. Just pull the mask down. I'll feed it to you if you want. That's a good donut. Do you wake up every day at 4 a.m.

kill a small bug and then go back to sleep and have horrible nightmares before waking up for real? I do have nightmares every single night. True. That's not what I asked. Oh. Well, I wake up every night

with horrible, horrible nightmares. Do I kill a bug? No, no, that comes after. You wake up, kill a small bug, go back to sleep, have horrible nightmares, and then wake up for real. I don't do that, no.

It's sort of a ritual. Yeah, no. I'm trying to get into heaven. Yeah, no, I don't do that. But then you'll go to hell forever. And then actually, if the Jews are right, you might just turn into an apple.

An apple? And then you're really fucked. Is that you're Jewish? No. No. You used to be? Yes. Is that what the belief that you become an apple? I've heard some alternative versions.

I've heard some Jews say that I'll come back as an apple. I've heard some of them just say I'll go to hell and be punished more than I could ever imagine. And I've heard some say that I'll come back as a person who can't hear or see. Well, I would, yeah, that would be a tough to come back as that. Because, I mean, the cards are stacked against you. I mean, I don't even know if that's really a bad thing. It's like you're not even going to begin to understand what type of horrible. position you're in.

If you have Down syndrome, you're blind and deaf. Yeah. You're like barely even. You're like, you're not even self-aware enough to- You're like cattle at that point. You're like a cow. Yeah, I would choose the apple, I guess.

And that's, you're really actually literally just cattle, especially if you have a smart family, they'll just put a phone on you and put you on TikTok alive. Back to eugenics. Back to, you know, minor reports. Nobody would feel bad for people like this anymore if eugenics existed

because then everybody would just know it's a scam. Yeah. Do you guys have a blow dryer for later? No. Okay. It's just an off, just a, because I'm, you know what it is? You pee yourself? Unclear, but I, my underwear is soaking wet.

I do go to work right after this to film impractical jokers. So that's, uh, you shouldn't have peed yourself. No, I know. It's on me, I guess. Are you going to eat that? No, but actually, I'm not letting you do any gay shit. So I took a bite of that. That one's off limits for you.

Okay Do you think the impractical Jokers would be more popular if the cast was replaced by four gay black women? Yes, 1,000%

I would watch that show Can we make a show? I would absolutely watch it too And I'm not even just trying to be like offensive or anything I'd be hysterical I would watch that show I would watch it

Did I just give you an amazing idea? I think we're gonna do it Can you can you pitch them that I want to be part of it I want to be a writer or a producer Well you can't be on it Like you don't fit the A writer or producer I said

Yeah They're not going to hire you to write a producer. They're going to hire black-minded people. They're going to hire people that are just like that. You can't write. Oh, they're going to hire people like that to write the show as well. Yes. Why would you not?

You want to hire people that know you and your personality. You should not do that. Okay. Well, then the show is just not going to end up getting made. So you have to take some practical sacrifice. You have to make some practical sacrifices. Yeah. Well, that's, yeah.

Okay. I guess we would hire you. I'm saying we because I assume I'm going to be executive. Could a producer up the show? But you're not a woman or black. No. But I do fit some of the demos there. Okay, so if I pretend to be gay, then I can be a writer on the show.

Just become gay. Why pretend? Like, I find that authenticity is the best thing in life. Like, if you're going to do it, just do it. Like, why would you not? Well, despite my old school views, I don't believe that it's a choice. Some people just got unlucky. I didn't.

I got lucky. by not being that. Yeah. I mean, even if you think that there's nothing wrong with it, which is a whole different discussion, it's not the ideal position to be in in a world where like 80% of people think that it's disgusting. You're clearly at a disadvantage,

especially because then you walk all funny and you're more likely to lose in a fight. Here's a question. If you had a choice of being born a man or a woman, what do you choose to be? A man, of course. A man. Why?

Smarter, stronger, faster. You like the bionic man. You know the, yeah, yeah. I mean, compared to a woman, yeah. But you'd be, maybe for a day it'd be fun to switch. Right? Like a... What's your implication that I could have...

No, it's over the course of one day. Different things, like to, you know, I don't know. It would be... I don't want any experience like that. Okay. I would. Okay, well, that's it. I have to film with Longneck now.

He's my next guest. That's it? Yeah. We didn't cover anything. Like, nothing. I thought we went over a bunch of stuff. I feel like we... You're gonna...

Can I take the donuts then? You haven't touched him. You want these back? Yeah, you can have them back. You got nine more donuts. You said nothing. You've added nothing. We've had a spirited conversation.

You're gonna eat it? It's another Boston cream. That was an amazing shot, by the way. That was a great shot. Look at that. You're gonna eat that one too? Are you serious? You gotta stop doing this.

It's really gross. Stop throwing him. I'll stop eating them. You can't block it. that's not fair oh you're taking it from his crotch that's horrible no don't eat that he's just stepped on it don't do that oh that's really gross don't do that he's stepped on the you ain't you want just a normal one now i feel bad no don't eat that