The Matan Show - Nick Rochefort Hires a 600LB Woman To Destroy The Podcast

Episode Date: April 20, 2025

Hello everybody welcome back to the podcast for today's guest we have Nick Rochefort welcome in for today's co-host please welcome in my manager Vara Flooring. Actually sit there. Yeah sit there that's the chair for my manager Vara Flooring. Yeah yeah. I'll do that it'll be better. Can you move a little that way? Can you pull your chair there?

Because you're uh, you will go this way for you, babe. Yeah, that way. Yes. That's good. Can you please introduce yourself? Hi, my name is Nick Roachford. I'm a host of the scuffed realtor and co-host of perfect guy life. And a lot of people know you, your friend with Sam Hyde and stuff like that Yeah, you weren't there when I feel my episode with him, right? No, is he here today somewhere? I don't know yet

No, no, no, he's not in the ceiling tiles or anything. He's not no and you brought this. Yeah, I brought food for you guys What's in here? Is it something what you know? Nothing is just the just a good slice. It's just five Well, Jesse's hungry. So I got her her lunch. She gets pizza. I gets five pepperoni pizzas. You got her whole pizza? I got five pepperoni pizzas. Okay, I understand why you got that. Yeah. Oh, thanks, I appreciate it. There's five of the same. I mean, it's pretty much.

I guess it's all for you. Yeah, she love me, and that's the typical lunch. We can give it to the, oh, so none of it was really for us. One is for you. One, she gets four? Yeah. She'll have five, I guess.

We can give it to the studio guy, if you would like. Yes, I would love that. That's nice. I appreciate it. Well, I'll start asking the questions, and we can go with it. He's asking if you can move that way. Yeah, I'll go in here. There we go.

Yeah, you get closer this way. Can you go farther that way? You don't have to worry about it. Can you go farther that way? Raw, raw, raw, raw, raw. Is that English? She wants a Harley Road Glide They make a CVO Road Glide RR. It's a hundred and ten thousand dollar Harley Davidson

Broadway Harley Davidson right around the corner from here has a one in in hunter orange I'm buying it for you're buying it for her is that yeah you when you walked in you told me was your girlfriend but then you said she was your wife but then you said she was a fan of you she's a fan of you oh I thought you're saying you're sleeping with a fan I mean I wish you I've been

with my wife for 15 years she hasn't said a word does she only know the noises she only knows she knows not to she gets starstruck man a big star you you buddy oh man well I'm a big star. You? You buddy. Oh man well I... You're a big star now. I guess I would appreciate it.

I take this more of an insult to be completely honest. No don't be. Okay well let's move on. Why is my mouth exploding with blisters? I don't know. Maybe you could be digging underneath your fingernails. Could it be that I'm eating the wax in my ear? It could be that you're touching everything in New York City and then chewing on your

fingernails and getting, uh, canker sores. That's true, I'm biting my nails, but this has been happening for years now. People think I have herpes, something like that. Oh shit, what's that? Is that real? Is that Sam Hyde? No. I'm gonna pull Sam Hyde out for you.

That's what I thought you might be doing. I also have canker sore in my mouth from eating my fingernails. That's why my fingernails are long and I don't want to chew on them like I usually do. So what I put this on to make the pain go away. I have a canker sore underneath my tongue that you'd swear I was giving head in the subway for but... Like a fever blister? Yeah, I don't know what it is. Maybe I was nervous about this. Okay. But that's what I've been putting on. I know, I know, babe. Chill, chill, chill. She can't contain her excitement for that motor car

that you talked about earlier. How long has she wanted it? Well, they came out last year with it. And then this year, they came out with an R. It's $110,000 Harley. Wow. Brembo brakes. It's got an aluminum swing arm that's cast out of like a 600

pound block of 6061 T6 aluminum. It's got like a weight reduction thing. It's got like, it's going to have a weight reduction thing. It's got a 37 degree tilt angle, 36 on the right and left. So you know, like, quick facts about this machine. I love this bike. It's a big deal. It might be the most important Harley ever made. Following up on that, should I be

concerned that my pee is coming out dark red and trying to hurt me? Yeah. I hope you don't want to be, you're a little too young for that. I don't know if I'm having, like you wake up but you're not really awake and there's those monsters trying to get you but after I go pee I mean a lot of pain and then sometimes when I lay down I see the pee coming into a form of a man with the knives. In his eyes? No just knives sometimes it's in the form of my manager

viral flooring yeah but his skin is dark red like the pee that's bad buddy the bad yeah the monster and this is completely separate from uh tidy whitey PC pants here yeah he's got his he's looks like he's got also a yellow urine color but he's yellow mine is red and hurting me red and red and hurty yeah yeah mmm that's past dehydration man you don't have dry dick. You might be... You gotta get healthy. I can't take a world without you not being healthy. He's a motorhead, too. I think he's just a little baby.

Wow, what a coincidence that this is happening today. Two, uh... Motorheads. Yeah, motor motorheads to complete morons Hey, he doesn't know how to press the button. Yeah No cameras picking up on this he's got a big let's do it on on the pizza Good he's learning why don't you and Sam? good he's learning why don't you and Sam thank you I know I know I know it's not it's not fucking easy to buy it's 100,000 bucks like a money grows on trees

why don't you and Sam Hyde do a comedy tour in Israel I think they would love you guys I think so too I wanna I hope Israel gets closer to us Israel gets closer to us? Yeah maybe Israel can be in Manhattan no just it could be in Manhattan oh you want them to take part of New York too? They've had enough of taking, taking, taking. How do you like New York? I like New York more, certainly more than I like Israel, but there's a lot of, I don't like the politics here. Last time I was here I met that mayor the day before he got indicted, I believe.

The Bill de Blasio? No, the one after Eric Adams. It keeps happening. Wilford Wilhelm. Wilford Wilhelm. Yeah, that was Bill de Blasio had a fake name. That was a fake name. That was his real name, Wilford Wilhelm. I don't believe that.

But maybe you're telling the truth. There's a burger element to this thing. That guy. What? A burger element. The guy who gave you a cheeseburger when you got vaccine vaccinated Vaccinated? You got something they did? Yeah. They did that. Yeah. Cool, a deagle. I like that. Hell yeah. If evolution is real, why don't humans grow machine guns out of their arm like Arnold Schwarzenegger? Hey, take it easy, man. Does she have a limit on how much she's allowed to do that or you told her to just go crazy

she's so pumped up about the fucking bike she takes me on long rides I ride on the back and Her last bike was probably like 27,000 bucks this one's like this one's like $110,000 and she's like I made the mistake we're having a good year I'm not gonna lie shamanics antiques is killing it. And I know that we've been together ten ten years and Whatever she wants she gets and now I chill the fuck out Does she have like a how do I say a cue to do that? Because when I have teamed with the truck I kicked him in his leg. She just keeps doing it. It's pumped about it. She doesn't know we got here. She's sorry

Yes, that's just sound yes, you gotta chill a machine makes you a fucking dickhead you know you you want it to me she can keep doing it I don't get any anniversary today of marriage we've been together for 50 this is what you guys are doing two kids together two kids together I don't believe that Allison Jane one I listen Jane my little sweeties yeah you get it I'm gonna write on the back it's cool chill out the honest previously before this I didn't know how I felt about normal people getting in relationships with people with down syndrome Now I'm completely against it. This is fucked up. Well

Why we just oh, yeah, I guess What when will we develop technology to send bombs through the mail email? I? meant soon now Soon soon enough yeah when Amazon takes over the post office. It'll be great. No, but I meant not through the mail, through email. Oh, they have that. You can't. You can send like viruses. Oh, okay.

Not a mail bomb from the 90s. No, not a mail bomb. We already have that. Yeah, we have that. Hopefully soon. Soon? Who uses email? I use email to, I mean, I send like these spam messages asking for a credit card number

to get a big a big prize Yeah, I'll tell them that my my Nigerian uncle died with their Nigerian uncle died And yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, is it working? Go to sleep It used to work back in the late 90s. It's fucking easy. I have to bring your fucking ass to New York and then you act like, yeah, I want to meet him. I love his shit. She liked it when you called the two chicks the sluts. No, that was like a couple years ago.

That's what she liked. She thought you were great with Brad Martin. She thought you were great with Nicky Mullin. And she's like, I got to meet this fucking guy. Hey, don't, don't. I don't. This is real fucking embarrassing just chill out Just shut the fuck up. How did she communicate to you that she was offended? She's speaking English. Yeah, she's fine. She's just fucking This is a nervous tick. Okay, so this is really just a habit of meeting me. She's so excited. She's pumped

Okay. Well, we do have a game show for you. Let me pull it out please it's Russian roulette I'm gonna go get a new bike. No problem. I'll just sit here and listen to my wife basically demand a hundred thousand dollar fucking Harley Davidson. Harley's never even produced a $50,000 bike. Now all of a sudden they roll one out for 110 and I have to fucking buy one.

You're pretending like it's nothing. Just chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. It's enough. It's like what the fuck? We have two kids together. Fucking nagging all the time. What, now she's gonna eat it? She can have it.

Yeah, you can have pizza if you want. You can have a piece. Go slow, don't choke, chew, chew. Okay well here's the game show we have. One box has one dollar in it, the other has ten thousand dollars in it. I will pick one and you will get whatever is inside. Okay? You'll pick one? I will pick one and he will you will get whatever is inside Okay, you'll pick one. I will pick one and yeah, you will get whatever's in so this is a good game. I like it what? The left one oh

Byro florence pissed okay, okay, no, he has to get one of them. Give me the dollar one at least. Shit, I need every dollar I can get. Bring the dollar one. I'll take the dollar one, I think it's a trick. It's the mystery box guy, I know. There's no money in that, I can hear it. Okay, you get this box.

Cool. can hear okay you get this box cool you'd better hope there's money in this one dollar great let me see it no never mind he's got it hell yeah you lost your chance fucking fuck now I thought it was gonna be a film. You made a big mistake. Waa waa waa waa waa waa waa waa Oh. God. BAM BAM Waa waa waa waa waa waa waa waa I got something.

Yeah. It's a metaphor. Waa waa waa waa waa waa waa Yeah It's a metaphor Think of the piece who would fucking suppress this shit Just take it easy man. Take it easy. We're not even approved your credits good enough You've never bought a hundred thousand dollar bike before it. We don't have the limit. It's gonna be 110 Plus the ten thousand I get from this one. No, she's got a show No, no, no, not from this one. Can you put her down please? No, she's got a show. No, no, no.

Not on this episode. After we're done here. Yeah, no. Take her to a nice dinner over at the Monkey Bar. You ever been there? Monkey Bar? Yeah. Have you been to any nice restaurants?

Is that a racist thing? No, it sounds it, but it's not. So... Oh, take her to Baltazar. It's her favorite restaurant. We went there a couple months ago and we came... Oh, so you guys don't usually come to New York? Oh, no, I do.

Once every couple months? Yeah, once every couple months. Oh, so not like once every couple New York. Oh no I do. Once every couple months? Yeah once every couple months. Oh so not like once every couple weeks or nothing. No no once every couple months. Okay well I guess hopefully you enjoyed your prize of the game. I didn't. Well you're the one who burned it you had access to it you could have shoved it in your pocket. I know. What would you do if you woke up in Jared Kushner's body? Smile every day because because my my beautiful wife the beautiful wife Ivanka that's what you would do yeah I'd be really relaxed about it she's so hot 511 you're saying that in front of your wife though she's

cool we're like she's cool with that open ish you know her eating Dave Portnoy gave that pizza an 8.5. He did? Yeah. Her eating is killing my appetite for anything. I understand. Dave, do you think Dave Portnoy should get investigated by the SEC and the Penn Gaming? What did he do, the crypto stuff?

No, that too. It's like, when is enough enough? And then like the Penn Gaming buy it. They buy a company for 300... Oh yeah, they buy the company for 300 million dollars and then it goes to zero 16 months later and no one says anything anybody back. Yeah for a dollar. I feel like and then he gave us gambling I say maybe he should get investigated but only out of the law I kind of like what he did. It was good business. It sounds like he made a good good trick. It's a little braggy. I don't like when 300 millionaires brag. He

brags about it. Yeah, a little bit too much. And now he's doing crypto scams. Right, right. Like when is enough enough? Yeah, that's true. I agree. And then he puts gambling in front of everybody and teaches guys your age to gamble a lot. He's doing gambling ads? Yeah. Okay, well, I guess maybe I have a gambling ad in this episode. So please cut to it if I haven't. Hey guys, sorry for the inter the interruption after that you know that today's episode is sponsored by PricePeaks. PricePeaks is the best place to turn your sports knowledge into cash. For example on PricePeaks all you have to do is create a lineup, pick a few players

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Why do women get so mad when I tell them they look like weird old men? Honesty hurts. I think women just like to be flattered. My baby girl likes it when I tell her, you look good today. She's working on it. She does the mirror. You think they're just shy? Yeah, I think they're just shy

They're all you know, every girl's got a little bit of insecurity about her Some women are independent. I like independent women that are smart She graduated like fourth in her class from George Washington University and I have a hard time like picking up girls I'll go to them at the club Really? I'll either try the weird old matching or weird old man thing or I'll go up to them and start shaking my leg and say my leg is in love. And then it starts getting violent, they'll throw the glass at my head. They'll dump a beer on you? Oh, that's like before I even go there. They come up to me and do that. I think we're in a good spot

for me to go up to them and try that leg thing. What kind of, what kind of, I think eventually you're going to have to settle down. You want to have children and settle down with a nice girl one day? Nothing like that, but yes. What kind of girl are you looking for? A smart girl or someone who would just fall in line? Falling in line, not talking back too much. Certainly a little bit weaker because I'm not too physically strong so I want to be capable of running the house.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I understand. Yeah. I was able to beat We Boxing by shoving a controller up a midget ass. You were able to beat We Boxing by shoving a controller up a midget ass? Yeah.

Good, when? Couple months ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I never played Wii Boxing. You never played it? No, I'm not a big video games guy. Yeah, I mean, I don't play that many, but it's more of an exercise, you know?

You have to stand up. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. That's the only thing. Six months ago, we ran into some problems. After we had our second kid we were arguing a lot. I was doing the show and it was like where are you, where the fuck are you? Didn't you say your kids were 10 or 15? No, one and five.

Oh, one and five. Yeah, so after we had our second, the duties got a lot harder. She was always home with them. She was like I'm sitting at home like a fucking loser. You're out having fun on the tour with friends. There's no way she was communicating that well to you. She's telling me she's like you know the money's good and all that but she wants to be on the road riding sightseeing shit like that and i'm supposed to sit here and like pretend that everything's gonna be fucking fine but i was like you need to stop fucking

talking jess this is basically fucking demanding that i buy you something chill dude honestly do it again and we're gonna we're gonna go back to tuck in dr mallory that's the issue with dating or marrying such a big woman that you don't wanna go... On one hand you want an independent woman because you're like this... Alright, honestly chill. Fucking... It's like on one hand you want an independent woman... She's like cheating herself.

No, I know, yeah. She's got a mouth full of pizza. Yeah, I love this borderline talking. She has three or four of these fucking pizzas and then like I want this and I want that gets really Oh God, it's fucking embarrassing then that's why did you bring her? Why didn't you leave her outside? I'm a fan of you. This is our anniversary. She's like this I have to go on as soon as you hit me like hey, do you want to do it? I was like hey my time wants me to charge like yeah, oh you need I'm coming with you

What's that you need her permission sort of okay? We have a deal. I don't want to be fucking around on her, but it's not easy man It's like on one hand. You don't want like a dumb bitch You know what I mean you want a girl who can handle so I do know I do I yeah, you think you do and then it gets boring. It's like I haven't tried it yet, right? Yeah, well when you do Maybe I'll change my mind kiss a lot of frogs. You know yeah, I guess have you experienced a Mandela effect Where Nelson Mandela was a guest trooper Not yet. I hope soon you didn't remember that no what about the one where there were three towers That would be a great one that was a good one. Yeah, there was this other one where it was al-qaeda would

Yeah Where it was al-qaeda this time. Yeah that was the Mandela effect. Yeah. Who would be thinking that. Larry Silverstein is still in business in New York City. Is he the guy. Is he. He's the owner. You know who. He's the owner of the Twin Towers. He still owns them. He owns a bunch of properties. What does he own. He just owns that memorial. Yeah I think he leased the memorial to the city for a pretty good sum of money. Oh, I was about to ask how he's making money off that, but then I guess you gave me the answer before I asked. Is it ironic to call the main baby killing facility Planned Parenthood?

That would be like calling a mental hospital the happy place. Tell me about it. I don't believe in that. You don't believe in it? No, absolutely not. It's like a satanic ritual almost all these plant all these killing babies yeah maybe place calling it a happy place I'm sure that's probably on the docket to rename it something fun or try to make it a little bit more of a fun to trick them yeah having more loose sex I don't think they're letting them do that in there that would be a bad idea oh inside no no no it's probably in their cars and whatnot or in there they mean slow down babe

is it true that ya kube created the white race on the island padmos using a method called grafting in order to rule over black people for 6,000 years before dying at the age of 150 yeah yes tell me a little bit about that please I mean honestly Matan the amount of intelligence that you have is so impressive yeah I'm like good for you man I mean great job I'm happy for you you're punishing him for what I did what I thought you're gonna punish him for now no use the truck on it no go sleep! I'm happy for you, buddy. I knew that you're a smart guy. Why don't autistic people ever like me?

Is it because I ripped their headphones out and yet in their ear the police are coming to take them away forever? Can you solve a Rubik's Cube? No. I can try though. I can get close. I can get three of the same color on the same thing. Not in a row, just three of the same color. Are you good at Sudoku? Sudoku? Is that the Japanese Rubik's Cube? That's the same thing. Not in a row, just three of the same color. Are you good at Sudoku?

Is that the Japanese Rubik's Cube? That's the numbers one. I don't know what that is. I don't like Asian stuff, so I never tried it. Do you ever try to test your autism? See how much information you can retain? I never took one of those tests, but I did an online one.

It said that I wasn't, but I don't know if I believe it. It's possible I am, that's why. It's okay. What about you? Have you took one of them? Not yet. Sometimes I feel like I am. I remember too much about this fucking motorcycle.

Yeah, she hasn't done it. It's got a saddle thing. I know, I know, I know, I know. She has no idea how much her fucking payment is. 100,000 bucks. It's gonna be like, 1,600 a month 1600 a month if I like seven years yeah 72 months that's right Wow see you knew that right off the rip right off the top of your head I am easy babe easy easy chill the fuck out man enough and how much money

are you making to be able to afford something you know I mean 12 grand a month you're making 12 grand a month you're making 12 grand a month yeah that exactly roughly is that more or less than your friend no way less than my friend oh he's not giving you 50 no I wish that's smart I mean I I know you don't yeah I mean you're holding this you're holding the sled up here whatever I give I don't pay him a buck. Fair. And if you did I just- Poof! Fucking piece of shit. What happened to your hand, man?

His hand? Yeah. He broke it punching me. Oh, I'm fucking believable. You saw that earlier, that shield. I didn't see that. He's become a continuous thing in these episodes, him getting up and attacking me. I'm defenseless against him.

I tried one time to fight back. I had a table in my hands as a shield. And he smashed the chair, so the table smashed my face. I haven't tried to fight back since. Very little things, but that was the last big fight, showdown. Have you ever taken him? Like beat him? No. I got close one time. I landed like a punch that grazed his face, but then he pulled out a gun.

Did you guys have an argument after that about what happened yeah like that's too far I mean he doesn't speak to me really he started going like not like well he started going like I gave her tick back I gave her her tick back yeah yeah she's fucking the chef Tourette's or is this the only time something like that every fucking woman's desire to want something that's I gave her her tick back. Yeah. Yeah fucking did she have Tourette's or is this oh, this is the only time Every fucking woman's desire to want something that's so fucking expensive It pushes her husband to the fucking limits of his oh, I just realize you know when women want a Range Rover in like LA Yeah, you know that shit's just as expensive a girl wanting a fire. I mean my wife's not gonna want a Ranger She doesn't give a shit about this. She wants a big

Harley Glide the RR some reason I'm not super good with cars I don't have a license so I haven't put too much time into thinking. I just mean, she doesn't want a truck. She wants a motorcycle. She wants an expensive Harley, yeah. Oh. Rambo brakes, 153 horsepower, 150 pounds.

She thinks she's going to be able to ride that? Oh, yeah. I ride on the back of her all the time. You guys are both riding on the motorcycle? Yeah. That's not, there's no way. Oh, yeah. No, Harley's are

different now they got they got power all right he's got a lot of power man they're good bikes you should look at them they're doing road races like bagger racing now I don't think that but that's what basically this bike is you know a majority of the people in this room are not English speakers no that's unfortunate you guys should learn it. They should learn English. Thank you enough! Would you like to join me in creating the movie Hurling Slur Man? Yeah. It's PG-14. That's a great, it's gonna be great. Yeah. What's the first slur you'd use? The big one. Started off going strong. Good man. What about the second one? Second one, then you hit it with something in the middle nothing like too low nothing too high

but you let it down a little easy and you go a little down and up and then that's why I don't know maybe you could give me some advice here on how to do this you guys probably say more slurs than I do especially on camera I can't you don't say them no why not I scream them I't say them. Okay well that I guess hurling them you know that yeah that's true we could make the movie about you guys yeah I don't want to be the next guy to do a documentary didn't go away last time which one I dubs or you were you were in that or no yeah I know how was I guess how was that experience it was fun I dubs came out and he was you know

concerned about the well-being of Sam's girl. Did he know about her before? Did he know that she existed or how she looked before? No, no. I think he just had some genuine concern immediately. I guess when as a guy you guys have a genuine concern over some other guy's girlfriend immediately and it should change the way you think about him or her you know now is this is your wife you're similar to Sam's girlfriend in that video no no

we're in love we've been together 15 years we met in an antique shop believe it or not antique shop the one you own now yeah no no no I was set up in a booth and I sold antiques which is pretty gay that I sold you sold the antique yeah the guy the register No, no, I had a booth in a nose in like a mall okay small and it was selling like a Danish modern antiques and That's a pretty gay thing to sell furniture and stuff like that. So I said hey if you see any cute girls send them my way I'm single I sell antiques and

She was there with her friend Mallory and She was looking at this Danish table that I had and it was like 400 bucks It was a nice one. Okay now she's now she's company. Just chill out chill out. I'm telling you think she's riding the motor Yeah, she loves it. She thinks about it all day long. It's very impressive You're able to come up with bullshit about antique shops while she's doing that. I can barely hear you speak. You're even closer I know I know you mean but I got the mic near me me So I know that I hear this all day. She wants it It's like you're gonna go through this when you get married Matan No, your wife is gonna be like Range Rover Range Rover Range Rover. That's a word

Right. Well, that's a that's what Harley. That's the sound. That's what Harley sound like if you ride a Harley That's what they that's exactly what they she's actually pretty good. It's pretty good impression But that's like when this guy woke up and he started going on the table. I mean, it's not a word It's in it. He wants to consider he wants a you a youk. I but that's like when this guy woke up and he started going, man, man, on the table. I mean, it's not a word. It's an etym. He wants a uke. I think that's what they call those, a cat uke. He already has what he's going to have.

I'm not getting a real one of those. He looks like a construction guy. Construction baby? Yeah. I mean, he's like a yellow machine addict. He's four months old. Yeah. So I don't know if he.

That's pretty yellow piss for a four-month-old. Yellow piss? Yeah. He's got jaundice. But yeah, anyway, back to the origin story. So we met. Yeah, so I don't know if he it's pretty yellow piss for a four-month-old yellow piss Yeah, it's got John dis but yeah, we anyway back to the origin story So we met and then she was it was 400 bucks and I was like, hey, I'll tell you what I'll do I'll do 150 bucks on it for you. And she's like she jammed up. She got really autistic She was like, I don't know my budgets like 90 bucks and like she jammed up. I was like, all right You fucking dumbass. I gave you a good deal on it. And then two weeks later, I was at a concert. It was a Jenny and Johnny show. And my cousin and I were on a tear in Providence.

And he was like, hey, go hit on that girl over there. And I sit next to a pole. And Jenny Lewis was like, shout out to all my straight edge friends. You know what straight edge? What? You know what straight edge is? That's when you don't drink or smoke or do anything.

Yeah, yeah. And she was like, shout out to all my straight edge friends. And it was like really cringy. And I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. That's what she said? Yeah, yeah. She was like, she knew how cringy it was to say that. So I was standing next to her and I was like,

oh, that's cool. And she's like, hey, you're Nick from the antique shop. And I was like, wow, yeah. She's like, yeah, I kind of like flubbed it when I was talking to you. And I was like, yeah, I was like, do you smoke cigarettes? She goes, yeah. So we went outside and had a cigarette

went on a date the next day and we've been together ever since Alright, Jess, chill, chill the fuck out, Jess It's fucking embarrassing. I wanna meet Matan, I wanna meet him, he's so funny I like the way he told those sluts off Why do you have to mention that? I've tried to move. Oh, I'm sorry I'm not like embarrassed. I thought it was a heroic moment for you I thought it was too, but that's what everybody mentions

I want them to start mentioning Other great things that you've done. Yeah, like I can't think of anything else, but you know, something's gonna come up one day. I think just being an intelligent guy and having a good time with your friends is noble enough. Yeah.

Can you guess the reason I think Michael Jackson is the smartest African American ever? He's got a songbird voice? No. No? Cause he hung out with Chris Tucker Even less close if I screw Tucker's the black one Chris Tucker's the guy from Friday black one Yeah, the one on that's getting but he was on Epstein's flight flight log Okay, so even worse was long neck on Epstein's flight log long neck. No we gotta mention him in seven eight minutes, okay?

We have a little more to go. Yeah, I think about that all the time Constantly well I was thinking about doing is when Trump said he was gonna release the Epstein files Making a Twitter account getting Twitter blue and then just putting a bunch of names on a list of people I didn't like that's a good idea like long neck wide neck. What happened? What did wide neck do Gucci? Berry you what did why did he went to jail? He's. Something happened. He would have been on the plane either way. So maybe you're not lying. Yeah, I guess. That's actually true. And it's possible that he would have brought his friends.

Long Neck and that other guy. Who else is good? Anybody old like me that you put on the list? Like anybody 40 plus years old? Umm... Hard to think. But I don't know. Those are the main ones. Those guys. Yeah, fair enough. But just people I don't know, those are the main ones, those guys. Yeah, fair enough. But just people I don't like in general. Maybe, I don't know if this would work, but maybe just say Israel.

Yeah, you could do that. Maybe it would count as the whole thing. That would have to be a big plane. No, well they'll go one by one, one plane coming back and forth. I don't know how long it would take it, but maybe it would trick people into thinking it's real. It already is real, but I'm talking about the whole population, not just the governors. Hey guys, sorry for the interruption. Have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored

by Sheath. Sheath is an underwear company and completely unrelated to them. My buddy Mike who wears Sheath but it's unrelated stopped having seizures, so I'm going to throw him a party. Everybody, happy birthday Mike! Mike shit underwear includes a dual pouch to help keep everything separate one pouch in another Now that can actually help you make money as well shit is also recommended by urologists Unfortunately, it's not recommended by something even better the robologists who studies robots Thanks to shoes for sponsoring today's episode and if you want to get some for yourself go to sheath.com that's s-h-e-a-t-h dot com and use code Mathan that's m-a-t-a-n to get 20% off your order that's s-h-e-a-t-h dot comet dot com, to get 20% off your order using code Mattan, M-A-T-A-N.

Thanks to Sheet for sponsoring today's episode. You still didn't get the Michael Jackson thing, by the way. Uh, yeah, no, Michael Jackson. Um, why? I don't know, he's got a great voice, though. That's not why. You think he was framed? Uh... A lot of people say he was framed, I don't know about that. I don't know, I don't know if he really is uh like wide-necked but I think that

sleeping in the bed with them by itself is a bit odd I don't know that that's what they're saying it was framed they sent a lot of people saying that's not it well he said that he did that I think yeah but McCauley Culkin and his brother keep like laughing their way to the bank and fucking with us and having like bands like pizzas pizza underground McCauley Culkin had a pun maybe he's excuse for those two yeah but I'm sure there's others I don't you feel like you're getting fucked with like like they're dangling but anyways I love him because of what he did still haven't guessed it

I'm drawing a blank. I'm not a spade. She's hungry You want easy babe easy easy can't even reap it apart while she's a real moron She's you know how much are being Babe you look out like that again. I get violent on me, baby chill out Chill why did you do that cuz I call this off No, she's pissed off because I haven't gotten a phone call back from Broadway Harley Davidson in New York They I gave them her credit information, so you're already working on I'm working a deal. She's pretty selfish as it sits. It's 101 750 plus tax tag and fees It's gonna be like 1730 a month for it by 72 months. She'd

Basically her credit's not strong enough because we've never financed a motorcycle for a hundred thousand, so... I know what's going on, baby. She doesn't want it anymore. And she's full? Baby, if you're full, don't, don't, don't. She does this every fucking time. We have fucking five more episodes to shoot with Judy. Yeah, chill. Alright, chill. It's all red now.

Now they're all red. Cherry, cherry, chill. You marry a fucking independent woman. You marry a fucking independent woman. You flip out, you want a girl that, you want a boss girl. And then you flip out like this. It's just fucking embarrassing. Okay, give it one second. I went out to do something. Yep. You think you want to do this kind of stuff, you know what I mean? Like you want a chick that who's like, I stand up for myself, when I don't get what I want, I flip out, and then you come and do this bullshit. shit. We're going back to gonna go back to Dr. Michelle. You have no fucking you have rage issues you can't control yourself. Fucking tramp. Yeah yeah I'm gonna buy you a fucking bike after this bullshit. That's what I'm gonna do. I

can't wait to spend money on my wife after this bullshit. That's what I'm gonna do. I can't wait to spend money on my wife after this bullshit. That's what I'm gonna do. Get away! That's how you act. What do I look like? A fucking... Like a cuck... Yeah, yeah, shit. Good job, Jess. Good fucking job. No friend having fucking motherfuckers, but you are. No fucking... That's what it is, yeah. No one wants to hang out with me. We live too far away from the city I don't have any fucking friend. No one wants to come out. It's So fucking embarrassed you're so fucking embarrassing Jess this is

fucking humiliating they're gonna our kids are gonna watch our kids are gonna watch them look at mom look at mom fucking throw pizza you I hope you're fucking proud of yourself you fucking Polish bitch on fucking believable yeah wow cool Eastern block toughness yeah wow on fucking real man on fucking real put it down that's enough that's enough that's enough I'm gonna have a fucking conversation with your fucking father tomorrow ridiculous no fucking control no self- fucking conversation with your fucking father tomorrow. This is ridiculous.

No fucking control, no self control. Just like your fucking mom. This is ridiculous. When we get back on the fucking limo, you're gonna be fucking we're gonna be screaming at each other Yeah So we had our um yeah after that I mean we've been together like we got married at a ceremony in my house. Um she was a buyer for TJ Maxx and Marshalls for like five and ten years so we kind of fell in love with like antiques and like selling this kind of shit but all right that's honestly that's enough that's enough that's enough you know I'm not gonna put any hands on you just alright that's enough stop it stop it cut the shit you think this is what I have to fucking put up with every day I gave you two children

you fucking this is how you you want to wrap she's getting antsy. She's starving. You get antsy? No, I don't. Don't do it, Mike. I know. I know. No more. No more. No more. Personality like that. 99% of the time, we get along completely fine.

It's like, uh, she doesn't get what she wants, I'm the fucking asshole, and... I mean, I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm fully transparent like I am on scup. We get in fights, we fight. We have a rough patch, we go through shit. We had a hard time giving birth. I wanted to genetically fix my family, you know what I mean? That's why I said one tip, one piece of information, Matan. Marry well, because... You married the worst evil bitch in the world. I mean that's why I said one tip one piece of information with on marry well because Marry good genes my man good genes

Marry well, she's been aging like fucking wine where I've watched some of my buddies wives age like milk so And most of the time she's fine just right now. She's having a flip out, but I guess Baby doesn't get what baby wants baby flips out Yeah, and I wish you can't mash no, I can't father's a state trooper Yeah, no, I wish you can't. Ash, I know, I can't. Father's a state trooper. Father's a state trooper, he'll be all over us. I married, you know, for stuff like that, for protection and shit like that, but...

I'm fucking happy now, this is fucking... Yeah, just chainsawing my fucking career in half. Acting like a fucking dickhead thanks for coming on long neck is here thank you so much man Mattan keep up the good work buddy guys great job alright babe let's go buy you a motorcycle

let's go get she gets it now that she gets fucking rewarded yeah well I got 10 grand coming from this podcast so it's gonna be 100 and uh 10 grand from this? oh not again I know Sam I tell you this again? yeah you told me you pay 10 grand every single time no just a dollar hundred and uh... they told me you'd be paid ten grand every single time

i needed i need every dollar you get it uh... one oh one seven fifty tax title in red that uh... broadway on the uh... the harley ultra glad to take care of mama there Those are Latino people engaging. Alright babe, let's go. Come on, come on, hit it. Rawr! Rawr!