The Matt Walsh Show - Deep Tweets by Matt Walsh - Season 1

Episode Date: November 26, 2022

Enjoy all the Deep Tweets by Matt Walsh from the 2022 season. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And now deep tweets by Matt Walsh. Earlier I tweeted that emojis are for children and women and that grown adult men shouldn't use them. I'm trending on Twitter now because many people are rightly angry about it. I apologize. I should have mentioned that emojis are also for illiterates. Forgive my oversight. My seven-year-old pangender child Sundance just came right up to me and asked, Matt, what happens if there's another January 6th? Can our democracy survive? I looked them right in the eyes and said,

My child, it's already dead. We just held each other and sobbed. My pronouns are me and myself. When you refer to me, you must say me, which means you'll be talking about yourself because I identify as you and also me. I identify as everyone. Your identity has been collapsed into mine. You must respect this or else you are, Transphobic. Today, my son drew in red marker all over his face, then got scared that we'd be mad, so we tried to hide it by ramping toilet paper around his head like a mummy. Then he promptly ran into a wall and nearly knocked himself unconscious. Update. I'm told that his sister came up with a toilet paper solution. Now it's all starting to make sense. Update, I dropped a very clever, you must be read in the face about this joke, but no one left. I would like to sincerely apologize for the reckless comments that got me suspended. I now read. realize that biology doesn't exist. Science is a myth. Men are women. Women are men.

Penises are vaginas and vaginas are penises. It all makes sense to me now. I regret the error. Parenting young children is just shouting, where are your shoes over and over again, into a void until the words seem to lose all meaning. The government literally admitted that we're being invaded by space aliens today, and you people don't even care.

Well, they may not have admitted it exactly, but I choose to interpret the events in this way and live my truth. Announcement. I didn't do it for the accolades, but if anyone does want to nominate me for a Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of my philanthropic endeavors, I will not turn down the award. Look, sometimes kids grab steak knives

and stab other kids in the driveway. We've all been there, just innocent kid stuff. Can't believe the cops had to get involved at all. Let kids be kids. My son told me that a kid was teasing him by rhyming his name and insulting ways. I asked him the other kid's name, and gave him some ideas for rhymes he can use against him.

My wife does not agree with my parenting strategy, but I feel that name rhyming in self-defense is ethical.