The Matt Walsh Show - Ep. 585 - The Goalposts That Never Stop Moving
Episode Date: October 19, 2020Today on the Matt Walsh Show, Democrats are out in force, fully trying to undermine confidence in a coronavirus vaccine even before it’s been released. And these are the people who constantly preach... about trusting science and experts. Also Five Headlines including Biden retreating to his basement once again as the Hunter Biden scandal continues to explode. And a rapper releases a hot new joint confessing to unemployment fraud. He now faces 22 years in prison. And in our Daily Cancellation, I’ll explain why phone calls must be canceled, once and for all. If you like The Matt Walsh Show, become a member TODAY with promo code: WALSH and enjoy the exclusive benefits for 10% off at https://www.dailywire.com/walsh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Today on the Matt Wall Show, Democrats are out in force fully trying to undermine confidence in a coronavirus vaccine, even before it's been released.
They're already trying to undermine confidence. And these are the people who constantly preach about trusting science and trusting the experts.
Also, five headlines, including Joe Biden retreating to his basement once again as the Hunter Biden scandal continues to explode.
And a rapper releases a hot new joint, as the kids would say, I think, confessing to unemployment fraud.
He now faces 22 years in prison for unemployment fraud.
And in our daily cancellation, I will cancel phone calls.
All phone calls are canceled, and I'll explain why.
All that on the way.
But we begin with a trip down memory lane.
There was a time you may remember many, many moons ago when we embarked on a 15-day quest
to slow the spread, 15 days to slow the spread.
That was the slogan.
Those were our marching orders, except they weren't really marching orders because we weren't
marching.
We were sitting in our homes hiding under our.
our beds. But they said, the main thing is just to stay home social distance. Oh, and whatever you do,
don't wear a mask, you idiots. And then 15 days passed and the orders changed. Never mind,
they said, we'll have to stay locked down until Easter. Then Easter came and went and they said,
never mind, let's keep this going for another month. We're having fun. Why not? Then another month
passed, and they said, never mind, actually, we meant two months. Oh, and by the way, I know we yelled at
you earlier not to wear a mask, but now we've decided that you have to. And if you don't, you're a
murderer and not welcome in polite society. And then three months came in wine and still the country
was under various different restrictions and mask mandates. We started hearing that, in fact,
we might have to wait until a vaccine arrives before we can fully get back to our lives and
carry on like normal human beings again in a functioning society. Some of the most optimistic
and maybe naive among us may have thought that, okay, well, until there's a vaccine,
that has to be the last goal post shift, the last wait, never mind.
It's got to be the last. Surely once there's a vaccine at least, after however many, after however many months or years of being forced to live like every stranger we meet is radioactive.
Surely once there's a vaccine, that'll be over. Surely. But no, no, you silly fools, there is infinite space in which to maneuver these goalposts.
They can be moved and shifted indefinitely for all eternity, which brings us to the latest change. That now, even with a vaccine,
We may still have to be under restrictions because we can't trust the vaccine.
And this, we can't trust the vaccine stuff, is not just coming from the once maligned anti-vax crowd,
but from the very people who were doing the maligning of the anti-vax crowd.
Case in point.
Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York.
Now, Governor Cuomo, who consigned many thousands of elderly in his state to death by sending infected patients into nursing homes,
and who then, even while the pandemic is still happening, decided to write a book bragging
about his stellar leadership throughout it, that Sam Governor Cuomo, who could make a claim for himself,
I think, as the most evil and certainly shameless politician in America was on ABC last night and had
this to say about vaccines. Listen. How confident are you in the approval process of the FDA right now?
Well, first, how confident are my, I'm not that confident, but my opinion doesn't matter.
I don't believe the American people are that confident. You're going to say to the American people now,
here's a vaccine. It was new. It was done quickly. But trust this federal administration and their
health administration that it's safe. And we're not 100% sure of the consequences. I think it's going to be
a very skeptical American public about taking the vaccine. And they should be. So what's it going to
take to convince you that it's safe, that it's effective, that it should be distributed? Well, what I said
I'm going to do in New York is we're going to put together our own group of doctors,
and medical experts to review the vaccine and the efficacy and the protocol.
And if they say it's safe, then I'll go to the people of New York and I will say it's safe
with that credibility. But I believe all across the country, you're going to need someone
other than this FDA and this CDC saying it's safe.
This is, of course, is in keeping with what many Democrats have said, though Cuomo is a bit more
direct in his politicization of vaccines than other Dems like Biden have been. And remember, again,
there was a time when everything you just heard in that clip would have been dismissed by people
like Cuomo as anti-vax conspiracy mongering. And that time was all time until 12 seconds ago.
And what is he even claiming here that the scientists behind the theoretical coronavirus
vaccine would put something out there, something dangerous or ineffective, just to satisfy Trump?
Now, I'm openly skeptical of the reliability of some of the so-called experts, but even I wouldn't make that claim. After all, merely from a self-interest standpoint, they would want the vaccine to be safe because putting out a bad vaccine on purpose would, at a minimum, ruin your career, if not land you in jail. So this attack on the so-called experts from Cuomo goes much, much further than anything you hear from other people like Trump. And this is the same guy, Cuomo, who's told us, lectured us, ad nauseum to believe.
the science, trust the scientists, trust the experts, and so on and so on. In fact, in this same
interview, a few moments later, he outright says that we cannot trust the experts at the FDA and the
CDC. Listen. The CDC, George, and the FDA doesn't have any credibility. You have Dr. Fauci now saying
that they basically tried to muzzle him. He has the highest credibility in the nation on this issue.
And then not only is the vaccine safe, this administration is learning nothing from the past.
What they're saying is the day we get the vaccine, that's when it ends.
That's not true.
The day we get the vaccine, we then have to prove to the American people it's safe.
We then have to administer millions of doses.
And that is a massive undertaking that this administration hasn't even talked about.
and is going to take months.
And if it's not done right,
will be a debacle like back in January and February
when we made so many mistakes with this COVID virus.
No credibility? Really? No credibility.
Now, I'm not going to sit here and say that the CDC does have credibility on this.
I'm not here defending the credibility of the CDC.
That's not my point.
Cuomo is the one who's been preaching about trusting the experts.
And now he says the CDC has no credibility.
Well, if so, why did we lock down at all?
are we still under restrictions? Why are we listening to them on masks? Do they have credibility or not,
Cuomo? The answer for him is that they have credibility when it's politically convenient for them to
have credibility. Just like the vaccine will be effective and safe, if and when it is politically
convenient for it to be so, like if it's released under a President Biden. Look, there are perfectly
valid questions you could raise about a potential vaccine that's rushed through and given to the
public, usually these things take years. A vaccine that hypothetically is developed in mere months
could raise legitimate questions. And if that's all that Cuomo and his ilk were saying,
that would be one thing. But that's not their point. For them, it's all about Donald Trump.
And Joe Biden has said that explicitly. I trust vaccines. I trust scientists, but I don't
trust Donald Trump. And at this moment, the American people can't either.
I trust vaccines, but I don't trust Donald Trump.
Well, what does Donald Trump have to do with anything?
Trump isn't the one working on the vaccine.
He isn't the one doing the tests.
He doesn't have anything to do with it.
Why say I trust the vaccines, but I don't trust Donald Trump?
Well, because he's trying to leave himself an opening for disputing the efficacy and safety of a vaccine,
should one come out during Trump's time and office, which, remember, could be another four years.
What if Trump wins reelection?
and a vaccine comes out and say may or something.
Will Democrats discourage people from taking it for four years
just to avoid giving credit to Trump?
You would like to say that such a thing would be unthinkable,
but it's not unthinkable.
As they have shown time and again for the Democrats,
there is no low that is too low.
There is no depth to which they will not sink,
all for the sake of power and control.
That's what we're facing,
which is something to keep in mind when you cast your vote on election day.
Let's get to our five headlines.
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So CBS News correspondent, Ed O'Keefe, reports that Joe Biden has called a lid on the whole week until Thursday night, not the next debate.
We're not going to see him again, apparently, until the debate, O'Keefe says.
Joe Biden still has not answered any questions about the New York Post multiple reports about Biden's son Hunter and the laptop.
Not just one, but multiple laptops.
Apparently, this guy's got, it's got to be difficult to lose one laptop, but this guy has lost laptops all across the globe.
He's just, he's been globe trotting and like Johnny Appleseed or something, just dispersing laptops, apparently.
And, and, and, but we haven't heard any, heard anything from, from, from Biden officially on this.
Denying it.
If it was, if these, now, we've heard from some people on the left and people in the media trying to run cover for them.
and some other elected Democrats saying, this is all a Russian, this is a Russian misinformation campaign.
Well, if that was the case, if these were just fabricated, made up emails, fabricated at a whole cloth,
this is nothing but fantasy and fiction, then Biden will come out right away and say,
this is completely made up. This is crazy.
And if there was reason to think that it was, the Russians were involved, then Biden would say that too.
But he hasn't. He hasn't said anything. And he has been asked. Now, in fairness to him, he hasn't been asked that much. So it's not like he's had his feet to the fire. But he has been asked a couple times. In fact, he stopped for a milkshake over the weekend. And the first question he was asked is what flavor milkshake he got. Because this is the kind of media we have. But after that, he was asked about the emails. And here's how that went.
White, you're going to move with it.
I remember the question of the FBI.
Just wave it away.
Wave the question away.
I don't have time to talk about this.
Ask me something important, like what I'm going to have for lunch after the, or, you know,
what am I going to have for breakfast tomorrow?
We'll talk about that.
What am I going to put in my omelet tomorrow?
Why don't you ask me that?
What are you asking me about this for?
So it's that easy.
If you're a Democrat, it's that easy.
But now this means that Biden will have to, whatever excuse he's going to come up with for
this, he's going to have to give it for the first time live at the debate. Now, true, the moderator
is not going to press him on it, but Trump will talk about it. So Biden will have to say something.
He's not going to be able to get through the whole debate, not even acknowledging this.
He's going to have to give some kind of answer. And whatever the excuse is, he's going to be
debuting that excuse, that talking point, live on national TV with an aggressive opponent
standing right next to him. This seems to me.
like an incredibly foolish political strategy. Now, you know, who am I to give advice,
especially to a Democrat, but it seems to me if these emails are real, which there's no reason
to think they aren't, if I'm in the Biden camp, what I'm going to do is I'm going to come out
like right now and say, yes, they're real, you know, come up whatever excuse you want,
Hunter Biden comes out, gives a tearful apology, and you come up with, it doesn't matter,
just some BS. You could come up with, you can come up.
whatever BS excuse you want,
especially because you know the media is going to be on your side.
But the point is you get it all out there now,
and then you've got two weeks before the election,
and you hope that people forget about it by then,
which they probably will,
because as I always talk about, people forget about everything.
That would be the smart strategy,
but they're not going with that.
Instead, they're dragging this out,
and they're going to have Joe Biden address it directly
at the debate for the first time.
All right, well,
another reason to tune in should be fun to watch.
Number two, and I say this, by the way, I say this as someone who,
I think the emails are, of course, important and relevant,
and they potentially expose corruption.
So they matter.
They actually do matter.
But I'm skeptical about how much they'll matter in the minds of the average voter.
And I'm also, I'm a little bit worried, and I could be wrong.
I always take the pessimistic approach, as you know.
So I'm not looking for the silver lining.
I'm looking for the dark cloud in between, you know, that the silver lining is encompassing.
So from the dark cloud approach, I do worry whether, with two weeks left in the campaign,
is this the best closing argument?
Should this be the final argument against Biden?
should it be something focused around Hunter Biden, his loser, scumbag son?
Even though it involves Joe Biden too, allegedly.
Is it best for this to be the closing argument?
Or what we have been hearing from the Trump campaign, which is that Joe Biden is a Trojan horse for the far left,
we talk about the riots, we talk about all this kind of stuff, anti-police, everything else.
Now, yeah, you could do both, but sort of one thing or the other has to be your primary focus.
especially with only two weeks left.
I tend to still think that the most important thing,
the thing that's going to be most persuasive to voters,
and that's the easiest to understand,
is the fact that he's a Trojan horse for the far left,
which is also true, by the way, and important.
So I'm not really short.
Number two, there was another protest over the weekend, of course.
This one, I think, in Boston.
And here's a protester, anti-Trump protester,
apparently pretending to eat a heart,
a bleeding heart?
Just watch.
Okay, so this is either mental illness or drug abuse
or demonic possession
or perhaps a combination of all three.
Maybe we don't have to choose.
We joke about Trump derangement syndrome
and how Trump has literally driven the left insane.
But the truth is that these people were already insane.
They were driven insane,
many of them from their own sense of entitlement
and their own narcissism.
That's what's driven them insane.
But what's what's the same.
that means is they simply cannot psychologically handle being in a position where things are not
going exactly as they like and want. And that's where Donald Trump comes in because they hate him
so much. And they were so sure that he shouldn't be president. And then he became president and they
couldn't handle it. That's why the classic clip of the woman on her knees screaming no at the
sky. What is that? It's just she cannot deal with this. And this is what we're saying from the
left. So entitled, so narcissistic, they have a psychological break when something happens
that they really, really don't want to happen. Number three, Democratic Senator Chris Coons on
CNN on Sunday is the latest to come out and explicitly threaten to add seats to the court, the Supreme
Court. Speaking of having a psychological break because things are happening that you don't want.
If he doesn't get his way in the Barrett confirmation fight, this is the threat that he's making.
Listen. If Barrett is confirmed and Democrats win back the Senate, would you vote to expand
the number of justices on the Supreme Court if it came up for a vote? Is that something you'd be in
favor of? Well, Jake, like Joe Biden, I'm not a fan of expanding the court, but we have a few weeks
here to see whether there are four Republicans who will step back from this precipice. It is President
Trump who has pressed for this nominee so he can have a key vote to overturn the Affordable Care Act
in the middle of a pandemic. It is the Republican majority that's responsible for racing forward
with this extreme unqualified nominee, unqualified because of her extreme judicial philosophy.
And that's who should be bearing the brunt at the ballot box in this election, that they're doing
this to get someone on the court just in time a week after the election to take away critical
health care protections from a majority of Americans. We need to focus on that. So you oppose.
And then if we happen to be in the fact pattern where we have a President Biden, we'll have
to look at what the right steps are to rebalance our federal judiciary. So your mind is open
about adding justices to the Supreme Court? Yes or no? Just your mind is open? Yes.
Your mind's open. Okay. You know, I think one of the most shocking things about 2020,
probably the most shocking thing of everything.
is that this confirmation fight has, and maybe I'm speaking too soon because the final vote is until Thursday, I guess.
But so we still have a few days for this to change. But as of right now, this confirmation fight has been really easy and smooth.
We were all predicting predicting a knockdown, drag out, fight to the death kind of situation. And it hasn't been that.
Yeah, they've gone after Amy Cody Barrett, but just with the standard stuff, Handmaid's Tale,
comparisons, that sort of thing. So just really standard leftist talking points, nothing too,
you know, nothing too serious. And that's been it. Um, you know, big part of that is because
Amy Coney Barrett is that bulletproof, um, of a, of a, of a nominee. But also it makes me,
again, going with the pessimistic angle, uh, it, it, it makes you a little suspicious. And then you
realize, well, why is it going so smooth? Because I think the Democrats, they're being coy about it,
but they fully intend to pack the court.
I think they fully intend to do that now.
And that's why they're cutting their losses here.
And they're saying, well, we can't stop it anyway.
There's no sense in coming off like psychotic lunatics any more than we already do just in our day-to-day lives.
So we're just going to let this kind of happen because we know what we're going to do when we're in power.
All right.
Number four, many reports in the media claiming that the owner of the Redskins, well,
the then Redskins told the cheerleading coach that he has to keep the cheerleaders skinny
and with big breasts, only he didn't say breasts.
But Dan Snyder, the owner, said that they have to be skinny and, you know, and that way,
or the cheerleader coach will be killed.
Now, I think we can assume the or I'll kill you part of it was not meant to be taken
literally.
And assuming that, the rest isn't much of a controversy.
right? Of course you want the professional cheerleaders to be skinny and busty. I mean, as opposed to what?
But the interesting things that the media headlines are about this alleged comment from Daniel Snyder, about him body shaming or whatever.
But it comes as part of a larger report that among other things, the Redskins allegedly produced lewd videos of the cheerleaders and the videos were created and disseminated to someone without the cheerleader's knowledge.
Now, apparently the other claim is that the women may have signed a contract giving the team permission to make whatever kind of video they wanted.
So they might not have a legal leg to stand on in any kind of lawsuit.
But even so, it's interesting to me that that's the story.
And you would think that would be the headlines?
Instead of the media is making headlines about mean comments from Daniel Snyder.
the mean words of the headline, not the potential alleged softcore porn video made allegedly without the permission of the women involved.
So you see where priorities of the media go.
Okay, number five, finally, I've been biting time waiting for this.
This is my favorite.
This is my favorite story of the year, perhaps.
A rapper who goes by the name Newk Bizzle recently released a song called EDD, where he bragged about getting rich off of fraudulent unemployment claims.
and he has now been arrested for filing fraudulent unemployment claims.
He's accused specifically of access device fraud, aggravated identity theft, and interstate
transportation of stolen property basis up to 22 years in prison after being apparently mailed
92 debit cards loaded with collectively over a million dollars in benefits that he then turned
around and used, I think at least half of it.
So he did all this.
This is, you can almost see where he's coming from a little bit because rappers routinely
brag in their music about committing crimes.
So I think Newk Bizzle figured, well, I mean, they brag about it, so why can't I?
But the problem is that he bragged very specifically about a particular crime that's easily
proven.
See, if you're going to do this as a rapper to brag about committing crimes, you have to be a lot
more vague than that.
Like, you can say that you've killed a bunch of people, but if there's a specific
open investigation into a murder and you confess to it by name in a rap song and even film yourself
dancing around with a murder weapon, probably you're going to go to jail. And that was the mistake.
Kind of subtle, but that was the mistake that Newk Bizzle made. Anyway, I know you're hoping and praying
right now that I'll play the song for you and your prayers will be answered. Without further ado,
here is the great artist, Newk Bizzle with his masterpiece. And he paid dearly for this song.
think we should all enjoy it and appreciate his sacrifice.
But here's his masterpiece, EDD.
Listen.
You know, 2020, the unbelievable.
E.D.
Shout on.
I just been swiping for EDD.
Go to the bank of the stack at least.
This is better than selling peas.
It's a red that I couldn't believe.
10 cars, that's $200.
I got a shot at the Donald Trump.
I just might swipe me a long son.
I'm in D.
You're having money for.
I ain't got rich.
I'm an EDD.
A EDD and just last night I was selling P and I just won't go to 300 G
Spro 60K off of HBA.
It's time about like the NBA.
Ten cons on swapping 10K a day.
Canada bills in the CPA.
You gotta sell cocaine.
I can defile a claim.
Rest coming straight to the bank.
I'm doing shit you can.
I'm so smart than you ain't.
EDD scale that's tell that you heard about.
I'd be so happy to certify.
Get on that laptop I'm working out.
You're 25 clad for hours.
She's trained my life and I gotta admit it.
Now, I should have had in a minute.
You need to tell me, I can say, wait on an email and gets hurt for a 20.
Damn, this shit better than dealing.
Yeah, I'm talking to a scam, a creep.
Now, I think the main guy you just heard there, full disclosure, was not Nuke Bizzle.
The YouTube video says it's Newk Bizzle featuring Fat Wizza, a rapper named Fat Wizzah.
Now, I don't want to engage in stereotypes or body shaming myself, but I'm assuming that the first gentleman
rapping in the video was Fat Wizzah, given that he's, well, fat.
But in any case, notice the lyrics what 12 or 13% of them I could actually understand.
He says, you got to sell cocaine.
I can just file a claim.
I'm doing the stuff that you can't.
I'm smart and you ain't.
Yes, smart.
Well, that's one word for it, Fat Wizzam.
Wouldn't be the word I'd choose, but things are open for interpretation, I suppose.
I do want to say, though, credit words do.
There was one part of this video that I saw, and I thought it was legitimately
positive. So here I will look at the silver lining. And I think there's one part of the song that had a
great message. And I wanted to show that to you also. Watch this.
You got the name and number. I got the edit. We can put something together. I got the
alley and cat it. They're a show. Man, I'm a bit hit a little about swip. Hit my feet.
Had the Amir in my jeans. She'll fend with a blue tip bullet. And that big come with a beam.
Unemployment so sweet. We had 1.5 land. Okay. So he's talking about killing people. It was, of course,
He's, of course, bragging about felony fraud.
Fine, fine, fine.
But in the video, he's actually, you can't see this if you're listening to the audio podcast,
but it's not reflected in the lyrics.
But in the video, he's rapping in one scene with a toothbrush.
He's got his toothbrush in the bathroom, and he's kind of like brushing his teeth.
And he's also rapping at the same time, just like I do every morning, in fact, when I'm brushing my teeth.
And I think that's a really positive message about oral hygiene.
That's the main headline for me.
As a hopeless optimist.
I see that and I think, okay, that's what this is really about.
These guys defrauded unemployment in order to be able to fund and shoot this PSA for oral hygiene.
And maybe this will start a trend.
And all the rappers will try to one up each other by showing off their elaborate dental care routines.
It's possible.
Next thing you know, like Drake is going to have a video where he's guzzling Listerine out of a golden chalice.
I mean, who knows?
It could be a positive development.
That and that's what I'm gonna take from this. I in this case, I will I will see the positive. So
best of luck to Newt Bizzle. I would hate to think that he goes to jail for 22 years and we are
deprived of his music. It'd be hard for me to even go on in a situation like that.
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slash walsh. All right, time for our daily cancellation. Today we're going to cancel phone calls.
Nobody's allowed to talk on the phone anymore for any reason. I have to put an end to it.
It's gotten out of hand. There is simply no good excuse to engage in this kind of primitive barbarism
anymore. It amazes me still every day that in the year 2020, there are still people,
lots, even probably billions of people who will intentionally pick up their phone,
dial a number, and attempt to have a purposeful live conversation with another human being
on the other end. This is flabbergastic to me. My gassed is officially flabbard by it,
and I'll tell you why. First of all, in 99 out of 100 cases, whatever's being communicated on the phone
could have been communicated with greater efficiency through another method, like text message or email,
or depending on the situation, simply waiting until you see the person face-to-face.
My wife is notorious for this.
She'll sometimes call me while she's out and I'm at home.
17 minutes into the conversation, I'll say, wait a second, where are you right now?
And she'll say, oh, I'm in the driveway, pulled in 16 minutes ago.
But there are worse offenders than this.
Consider the sort of person.
This is the worst kind of person, period, in existence.
The sort of person who you text a question to them could be even a yes or no question, literally a question that would require a one-word response and they call you to deliver it.
Or the sort of person, and this is often the same sort of, the exact same person who will text you and ask to schedule a time to talk on the phone.
And if you're me, you know, you'll try to schedule the chat for some time in the year of 2027, but invariably you end up chatting sooner than that.
And what always happens?
The thing they wanted to talk about,
they could have simply said to you through the initial text message.
There was like one additional sentence of information.
They wanted to communicate.
And for some reason, they insisted on doing it through audible dialogue.
Why is this a problem?
Well, because everyone knows phone conversations come with baggage.
There are strings attached.
There are the initial pleasantries leading up
to the meat of the discussion and then branching off down a million unrelated avenues.
And finally the lengthy goodbye process, which usually involves me saying something like,
all right, got to jump off. Or the classic, I'm going to let you go now. Translation,
I don't want to talk to you anymore and hope to never speak to you again ever in my life,
you blabbering bore. But whenever I drop one of those hints, the other person always
just charges through, continues prattling on. And I have to continue to continue to
I have to continue strategizing new ways to end the conversation.
It's a game of chess, basically, a showdown.
That's how I view every phone conversation.
You should know.
If you've ever spoken to me on the phone, I can tell you right now,
I spent the entire conversation strategizing ways in my head to end it.
Everything I said in the phone conversation was really my attempt to segue into a conclusion.
That's it.
Now, I might feel differently if phone conversations and
real life function like they do in the movies. Perhaps you've noticed, and this has bothered me
for years because it's so unrealistic, that people in movies, when they're talking on the phone,
they never say goodbye. One person or the other simply reaches what they believe to be the end
of the exchange, and they hang up unannounced. Oftentimes, too, there's no hello. There's no hello,
there's no goodbye, no small talk. Every phone conversation in movies goes like this. Person one calls
person two. Person two picks up the phone but doesn't even say hello.
person one not flummoxed by this then delivers a piece of information like meet me tonight at 11 o'clock
under the bridge and person two then just hangs up never says a word not one word and person one
isn't offended there's never a scene where person one follows up with a text message and is like dude
why'd you hang up on me i didn't even tell you what bridge yet there are 14 bridges in this town
how do you know where we're going to meet what's going on are you okay that never happens
The phone conversation is as efficient as a text message, but with a touch of ESP, where the two sides already know certain things about each other's intentions without it being said out loud.
Now, if that's how it was in real life, maybe I'd be okay with people calling me.
But it's not.
So I'm not.
What I hate most about phone conversations, aside from how frivolous and unnecessary and boring and circuitous they always are,
The other thing I hate is that I'm speaking to a disembodied voice that is injecting itself directly into my eardrum.
It's very unnatural and intrusive.
I can't read the voice as body language.
It can't read mine.
And there can't be any gaps in the conversation.
That's the worst part, actually.
When you're talking to someone in your living room, it's okay for there to be gaps and pauses and breaks.
You can run into the kitchen.
You can go to the bathroom where neither person is saying anything.
But in a phone conversation, gaps are.
torturously awkward. They can't be tolerated. And so the empty space in the conversation must
always be filled, which only leads to more banal small talk, which extends the conversation that by any
measure should have petered out long ago. And the absolute worst of all, the person calling you,
simply by the act of calling you is intruding into your day with no concern for what else you
might be doing. When that phone rings, it's like someone running into the room going, let's talk now.
We have to talk now, now, now, now, now, now, now, talk now.
And then when you do talk, thinking it must be an emergency, they say something like, oh, hey, just checking in.
It's unacceptable.
By simply calling someone in the first place, you are being at a minimum rude, but probably I would argue that making a phone call is itself an immoral act, worthy of eternal damnation.
That's why phone calls are canceled.
There will be no exceptions.
I don't want to hear any guff about how, well, I'm out of town on business for three weeks and I want to talk to my kids.
and I want to talk to my kids,
don't give me the sob story.
Rules of rules.
Phone calls are canceled.
And we will all be better off for it.
That's it today.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
Thanks for listening.
Godspeed.
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