The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Ranks The Worst Disney Songs

Episode Date: June 3, 2023

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My weapons grade thingamabab. Oh, you just don't know what words are. That's your thing. Run away! Run away! Bend over and grab your ankles! You know, a couple days ago, we talked about the new Little Mermaid movie, which is atrocious. And I haven't seen it, but of course I can say that.

You don't need to see it in order to say that. One of the songs in that movie that went viral for all the wrong reasons if you're Disney, because it's like potentially the worst. ever made. It's just terrible. And so it was suggested to me by McKenna that because I so hated having to suffer through that song, what we should do today is play a bunch of other terrible Disney songs. So let's just, let's start with this. This one is from, this one's from Moana. Let's watch a little bit of it. Shiny like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck. Scrub the deck and make it look shiny.

I will sparkle like a wealthy woman's neck. Just a sec. Don't you now? Fish a dumb, dumb, dumb, they chase anything that gooders, beginners. Oh, and here they come, come, come to the brightest thing that glitter. Fish Guinness. I just love free food. All right, yeah. No, it's not fine. Turn it off.

Stop. So here's the thing. I saw Moana. I believe I've seen Moana. I think I took, I think I took my kids to see it when it was. I saw it in theaters with my kids. Right. Sure.

And I remember thinking that it's not terrible. I remember thinking that. It's not a remix. That was my first thing going in. It's not a remake. I was actually making original content. You know, there's nothing, there's nothing woke in it. And it's like, it's not terrible.

But I don't remember this at all. I must have, I must have blocked this from my memory. I must have suppressed this deep down in the recesses of my memory because I have no recollection of this awful song or I don't know what's happening in this scene. Is she about to be eaten by this crab thing?

That is pretty bad, but it's not, it doesn't rise. to the level of the Little Mermaid song. So let's keep going. This one is from, okay, this is from the new Pinocchio, I guess. Let's listen.

I'll design the perfect wooden shoe. And then we'll sing and dance the whole day, Drew. If you get splinters, I'll be there. Peter, I'm your conscience, Jiminy Cricket. Ah, plug!

That's in the running. That's competing. Is that trying to be bad? Is that the joke? And the other thing about the Pinocchio remake is, how many Pinocchio movies do we actually need? Like this movie, there are so many versions of this movie. And I know this because recently I was trying to put Pinocchio on for my kids,

like the original, you know, the one from the 60s or the 50s or whenever they came out. And I was trying to put that on for my kids, and so I type Pinocchio. There's 15 versions of this movie. Every year they come out with a Pinocchio remake. Is it really the kind of movie that it's like there's so much in that story that we need to keep retelling it over and over again? I'll bet a lot of you folks don't believe that. Do you? Like the kids don't like Pinocchio.

Pinocchio written said that, you know. Gilbert said that my kids don't like Pinocchio. You know, so I think Pinocchio exists as the kind of story and the kind of movie that kids hate. And this is not modern. It's like it's always been this way. Kids hate it, but then they become parents and their perception of the story changes and they try to force their kids to watch it

and the kids still don't care. So Pinocchio was never great, but they somehow made it worse with that song. In the not too distant past, private citizens used to be largely that, if you can imagine, private. What's changed? Well, the internet changed.

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Use my link expressvpn.com slash Walsh YT to get three extra months free. That's XBRESSvPN.com slash Walsh YT. Clip three is, I don't know what this is. Diane Guerrero. Enanto? Which one is that? Is that a Pixar thing? Oh, is that the Mexican one?

That's the Mexican one. Okay. Go ahead. All right, that's another of that. Yeah, it sounds like a, like a PICSR. It sounds like a modern pop song. And I mean that in the worst possible way. I don't mean that as a compliment.

It just sounds like the kind of just like, it's not aggressively obnoxious, I don't think. It doesn't make your, it doesn't make you nauseous listening to it. It's not good either, it's just nothing. But there's no charm to it. That's the other thing. You know, the old Disney movies, those songs, you still remember those songs because they had,

there's a certain kind of charm to them. And all this stuff, when they make these remakes in the new Disney movies, they're not able to capture that, charm in that enchantment anymore. They don't have it because all of these movies are made by, they're not made by storytellers. Okay, they're made by committee. They're made by like, it's like these are corporate products and they're made by marketing departments and they sit around in rooms and meetings and they come up with these stories based on, you know, what's going to make those money and how can they merchandise it and how they can they sell it.

That's all that matters. So there's no, there's no magic to it. Okay. Mekanto was not the Mexican one. So it's deeply racist in my part. You vile racist. This segment's gone great. Let's listen to this one. Now I know she'll nerd as she runs away. She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me, move me, move me. Come what may.

Wasting in my lonely tower, waiting by an open door. Okay. Yeah, I can tell. that's new. I could tell that's new. It sounds like it's their impression of the kind of a Disney song. They're doing a, it's like they're doing, it's a parody. It's a parody of a 90s Disney song, but it can't actually capture the essence. And it also looks so stupid. You take the beast and you try to make it realistic. It doesn't make it gritty and realistic. You have this humanoid buffalo creature. It's making it realistic. And it looks ridiculous. And I'm not going to get into the whole thing

about Beauty and the Beast. We've already talked about it. All my problem, my many problems with the story to begin with, you know, and the fact that Gaston is the real good guy in the story. We've talked about that, but she goes, she gets kidnapped by a beast, like an animal, it's not even a human, and falls in love with it. Remember, she falls in love with that thing before she doesn't even know. Wait a second. Does she know? Does she know that he used to be a human? I don't think she knows that. So it's not a thing. even like she falls in love with the potential or she knows that he used to be a human and if she she thinks that he's literally just like a buffalo creature, a talking buffalo. And she falls in

love with with him. Disney's been woke for a while because they're promoting beastiality even all the way back in the 90s. All right, I guess we should finish this up. Should we finish this up by watching that little mermaid song again listening to it? Probably not, but let's do it anyway. Hey, wake up, wake up, wake up. What? Hey, have you not heard that scaddle butt? No, the gossip, the buzz, the who said what, who does that? Yeah, the scattle butt. Well, I was flying.

Then I came from... Yeah, we didn't need to do that. We didn't need to do that. Nothing comes close to that. When you listen to that again, you realize that it's just... That exists on a tear that none of these other songs... The other songs are bad. They're just bad.

They're bad songs. Bad songs are a dime a dozen. You hear those all the time. That, though, transcends badness. It reaches some other. It's impressive. It is actually, I'm almost impressed by it. A strange new respect that you could make a song that terrible.

Good. I think this is productive. And I think it's... Stop. Okay. We've heard enough. All right. Good.