The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Taste Tests Pumpkin Beers

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy your day by watching Matt thoroughly not enjoy the food and drink pairings he was given. --- Today's Sponsor: ExpressVPN - Get 3 Months of ExpressVPN FREE! https://www.expressvpn.com/walshyt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Okay, wonderful. So happy that we could be together today on, you know, as we celebrate Thanksgiving and we're well into the fall, we get into the holiday season. And that's a time when, I guess, a lot of people enjoy pumpkin spice everything. Now, I am against pumpkin spice for a number of reasons. The first is that pumpkin spice stuff doesn't taste like pumpkins at all. Have you ever actually eaten like a piece of a real pumpkin? It doesn't taste anything like pumpkin spice stuff. And it just tastes bad. And the other thing that I hate, though, also is beer is not beer. I love beer, but holiday themed or any kind of, like, creative flavor on a beer. I don't like any of that. And so my team here, of course, they hate me and they like to watch me suffer. They had an idea for content, which will be me trying different versions of pumpkin spice beer. Combining two things that I hate and, like, let's let me.

through it on camera. Now, I was told that, just for a little bit of background. I was told that, well, why don't you taste some of the pumpkin spice beer and, you know, we'll use it for content? And I said, okay. And then I walk in here, and what they didn't tell me is that we would also include disgusting food as well, which has nothing to do with the pumpkin spice theme. There's no reason why, this was not explained to me. Why am I eating the food to go along with it? I don't understand that. And the worst thing is that the food we have here, these are all foods that I like, but it's the worst kind of version of the foods that I like. So it's just an insult to me, personally. Take offense to it. All right. So let's go through these. Our first one is pumpkin stout with

pre-cooked bacon. Oh my God. That actually is really, really bad. It's very chemical. It's like a very, I don't even taste the pumpkin. I don't even taste the pumpkin. I don't even taste pumpkin spice there at all. It's a very chemical, like almost it's like it's got a draino. It's got a Drano flavor to it. I don't know if I'm being poisoned on camera. It's how desperate they are for content around here. It's going to kill me on camera. And then we got the pre-cooked bacon,

which obviously is going to be an insult. It's just what I thought. I mean, it's actually not that bad, really. I've got to be honest with you. That's actually better than I thought it was going to be. That's not too bad. I mean, it's not real bacon, but if you had to choose between, if you don't have real bacon,

you got to choose between no bacon or this stuff, I'd go with that stuff. That's actually not so bad. Okay, I'll give that a passing grade. Next we have pumpkin spice latte with frozen meatloaf. Has it been unfrozen at least for me? Oh, dear God. That's not, what is that?

That's not even beer. That's just... It tastes sour. It tastes like a candle. I feel like it tastes like a liquefied candle, a scented candle. I don't understand whether... There's no way anybody buys this stuff on purpose and drinks it. All right, now we've got the...

The frozen meatloaf. Okay, why are we doing this? What's the point of this part of this? This is not even Thanksgiving themed. Oh, they didn't even cook it. Thanks, guys. You know, I actually have like a successful podcast now. I don't need to be doing this stuff.

Why am I doing this? We're not this desperate for content, are we? I wouldn't even give that to my dog. I would not give that to my dog. I mean, I would. I hate my dog, but I wouldn't give that to a dog I liked. What the fuck? I could never be.

I would starve rather than eat that. I would just die. Like I've been broke in my life before, but I've never been broke enough for that. And if I was, I would just say, well, then life is not for me. I guess I'm just dying. I'll just die.

There are worse things in life than death, such as frozen meatloaf. You know, sending data over an unencrypted internet connection is like sending a postcard. Your message is wide open for the mailman and any other nosy individual you see. Whether you're connected to an unencrypted internet network on your phone, computer, tablet, or TV, you're sending countless pieces of information out into the digital world

that can be seen and intercepted by pretty much anyone. A VPN creates a secure tunnel between your device and the internet. It's like putting your postcard in an envelope so that no one can read your letter before it gets to the person that you're trying to send it to. ExpressVPN is the VPN I trust to keep my data secure. ExpressVPN creates a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so that hackers can't steal your personal data, your passwords, your financial details, etc. Hackers make serious cash selling personal information on the dark web, but ExpressVPN makes it easier than ever to keep your information safe. Just fire up the old app, click one button, and you're instantly protected. Plus, ExpressVPN works on all your devices so you can stay secure on the go.

Secure your online data today at ExpressVPN.com slash Walsh YT and get three extra months free. That's expressvpn.com slash Walsh YT. Okay, this is pumpkin stout with canned chili. Literally in the can. Nobody does this. Nobody, what is this like depression era times right now? Who's, it's, you can't even put it in a bowl for me first? Is that even safe to eat it like that?

All right. I mean, that one's, man, that's bad. Okay. For a second, I thought it was tolerable, and then I realized, no. So there's a, there's a brief moment with this when it hits the front of your palate, and you're like, that's not terrible, but then the despair is it washes over your palate, the despair. So there's the aftertaste of despair that comes with it. And then we got this.

Do you need to see me eating cold canned chili out of a right out of the can? Like I'm on a merchant ship in the 1400s? Okay. Yep. That's terrible. This is I suspected. And I love chili. Like this is, this is, this is blasphemy to me to make me eat that.

And they know that, too, That chili is one of my great loves in life, and I don't have very many. And then you just forced me to endure that. That's bad. Finally, pumpkin donut harpoon. This is a pumpkin donut beer with a jelly donut. And I love donuts, but my least favorite kind of donut is a jelly donut. Anytime there's a box of donuts in the office, whoever gets them, they always get at least two jelly donuts.

And the two jelly donuts are always sitting there at last. Like someone is forced to eat them because all the better donuts. Donuts went before them. But my point is that just skip that. Why take up real estate in the donut box with the donut that's always last because nobody wants it? Just substitute that for just a regular glazed donut. The glazed donuts go first because everyone likes a glazed donut. No one dislikes a glazed donut.

Pumpkin donut harpoon. Yeah. It's like a, it tastes a little bit like a pump. I never even had a pumpkin spice latte, but it tastes a little bit like a pumpkin spice latte that's been sitting for three weeks. like in someone's garage, you know, old tin bucket, and then you come in and drink it. That's what it tastes like to me. So I don't like it, in other words, is what I'm trying to say.

All right, so you need to see me eating a jelly donut just for why. Do I have to do this? Oh, whoops. I just spilled on it by accident. Well, we can't do that. Oh, man. We could reshoot this entire thing, but I don't think we want to do that. We don't have enough time for that.

So that's it. I spilled on it by accident. It was an accident. That's it. I'm not eating the jelly donut. You don't need to see it. see me eat the jelly donut. Okay, I don't like them. There's no reason why I have to eat it. It's not like that's good content to see Matt. Like everyone come and watch Matt eat a donut.

All right, fine. Damn it, fine. I'll just eat it. I'll eat it dipped in beer. Maybe that makes it better. Nope, doesn't make it better. Makes it worse, actually. Turns out. So, don't spill beer on your donut. It does not improve the flavor at all, but not that, you know, it can't get any worse than a bloody donut. All right. I'm getting irrationally angry through this entire thing. And so that's it. Have a happy Thanksgiving, everybody.