The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Tries (And Fails) To Play Call Of Duty

Episode Date: June 24, 2023

Matt Walsh plays Call of Duty Modern Warfare for the first time ever. Try Hallow for 3 months FREE: https://hallow.com/mattwalsh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Well, I don't know if you have heard about this, but something really is really popular these days with the kids are video games. Die, die, die, die! A lot of kids play the video games, and even more than that, they apparently kids will also sit and watch other people play video games on the internet. I want to judge you for that if you do that, but then again, I will sit and watch a YouTube video of somebody bass fishing for two and a half hours. Look at Cody's fish. Show him the belly on that thing. Get him a dang spanking, too. They've been a little naughty today.

So I guess I can't really judge too much. So today I'm going to play a video game, and I guess offer my review of it or something. Last video game system I owned was, and the last one I played was Super Nintendo. I was a big Super Mario Brothers fan, Super Mario World, rather. We're going to give this a shot.

This is, what is this that I'm playing? This is Call of Duty. It's Call of Duty Modern Warfare. Call of Duty Modern Warfares, what this is. And I've literally never played a game like this in my entire life, but we will. I don't even know how to start it. They gave me the quick tutorial, and I already forgot how to, how do I start it?

So you're going to push the X button to begin the game. Okay. X. All right, we're in London. What's the mission? Can I skip past all the, I don't care about the story. I just want to get into shooting people. That's the main thing I'm into here.

It's only about a 20-second cutscene, and then you'll get to the action. Okay, but I'm still bored. Looks like we're on our own lads. We'll land up here. Let's get it done, yeah? A-fo. Sergeant. Yeah, these graphics are pretty impressive.

I gotta say, these are pretty fancy graphics. That is the level of a review you're gonna get from me. These are some fancy graphics. All right. White van, left side. So let's... First of all, I'm not seeing any coins to collect. Are there any, like, mushrooms that will make me grow tall or help me fly?

Not in war. How do I shoot? You broke the rules of engagement. Don't shoot first. What is the fun of a video game where you can't shoot first? We're letting out our violent fantasies so we don't do it in real life. Isn't that the whole point? Oh, God, I just stabbed a parking attendant. Where's the button to turn myself in?

What's happening right now? Oh, okay. Am I going to, wait, I just, oh. Can I jump on them and make them disappear? How do I jump? X, the X. button. But if I jump, that won't do anything.

Can I kick? No. How do I duck? How do I duck? I don't know what's happening right now. First of all, this is, can I just say something before we continue? The graphics are impressive. Very fancy, very real looking.

But isn't the whole, you know, for me, going back to my childhood, playing Super Mario World. You're in this cartoon. You're in basically someone else's LSD. hallucination. And I thought that was sort of the point. So what's the, if I want to be in reality, then if I want to be in an environment that looks like a street, I'll just go out to the street. Well, this looks almost like the real world. Well, it's the real world's right here. You know what? I can just look away from the TV and look over here. Whoa, those are good graphics.

So I don't know, there's almost too much realism for me. It's like I can touch you. You know, it's clear that the left is giving up their morals in any common sense. there's no better time than to build a daily habit of prayer and meditation. Building a habit of prayer can help you cultivate an attitude of gratitude, focusing on what you're thankful for can increase positive emotions and improve overall well-being. Hallow is the number one Christian prayer app in the U.S. It's helped me maintain a daily prayer routine. It can help you to download the app for free at hallo.com slash Matt Walsh.

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through prayer, fasting, and giving. download hallow at hallow.com slash Matt Walsh and get an exclusive three months free. That's three months absolutely free at hallow.com slash Matt Walsh. Okay, how do I switch my weapon to get something a little bit more? If you go to view a gun on the ground and push square. A gun on the ground, okay. Where's the gun on the ground? Walk the opposite direction. I'm turning around way too fast.

Oh, right there. Now, I wanted like a bazooka or something. Do I have like a machine gun or? Let's get, let's get going. Let's start shooting some people. Oh. Got them, son of a . So there's been a terrorist attack in London,

and now we're going out to kill the terrorists. My team has deserted me there. You're walking away from the action. Wait, how do I get back to... I didn't... I wanted to go around the corner and cut off the bad guys on the other side. This is big brain time.

Alright. So... Well, maybe the civilian should get out. out of the freaking way. What are you doing running through live fire, you morons? Well, get down, get behind a car or something. Get down. Don't.

I didn't even shoot that guy. I didn't shoot him. Okay, I did shoot that guy. You know what, this is their fault. I'm just firing and I got this guy. That's your teammate. Oh, but how don't get back to that? Wait a second, I'm shooting the sky.

So how am I doing so far? Pretty poorly. A good soldier if I've ever seen one. I can tell you right now, I'm not a video game fan. Because, you know, somewhat infamously. You know, there's kind of a story behind that, sort of a traumatic story, but this is actually my, maybe my super villain origin story because I wanted Nintendo 64 for Christmas.

N64 rules. And I was told by my parents, oh yeah, we'll get you Nintendo for Christmas. And so I was bragging about it. Oh, I'm going to get N64 for Christmas. And then Christmas comes. and all my friends get N64. And I got Super Nintendo. And then I went to school the next day

and everyone was talking about their N64s and I don't want to be embarrassed. So I lied and said that I got N64 too. And they were asking me, oh, what kind of games did you play? What kind of games? Oh, you know, yeah, it's the normal ones. And it was this whole web of lies

until finally it was exposed when some friends came over and saw that I only had a Super Nintendo. Anyway, the point is, maybe that's the reason why I've always hated video games and I don't play them now. Or it's possible I don't play

them now because I'm, what do you call it, a grown-up. I'm a grown-ass man. And that's really the main thing. All right, I'll try it one more time. What's the objective? I kill the terrorists and then... Just to stay alive? My objective now is just to survive for more than 30 seconds.

All right, I feel pretty safe here. Apparently not. Back to find this plant here. Oh. Oh, he's right there. I got it right in the crotch. Do I not, I don't get extra lives, or do I get... Isn't that a video game?

I'm just gonna keep going. I'm charging into a line of fire. I'm taking fire, but it's all right. This is courage right now, on my part. Courageous soldier is a dead soldier, as they say. And there I go. I think I did pretty well, all things considered.