The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Tries To Laugh At Feminist Comedienne Samantha Bee | THROWBACK EDITION

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

In light of Samantha Bee's late night show being canceled, we are bringing back a classic of our Try To Laugh series. And I can assure you, laughing at a Samantha Bee joke is a lot harder than it looks... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know, recently I shared the devastating news that full frontal Samantha B has been canceled by TBS. Now, you might be asking questions like, why are you reading news from five years ago? Or who the hell is Samantha B? But if you're a fan of this show, you might not realize Samantha and I have a little bit of a history together. Because my producers obviously hate me, as you know, they periodically make me watch feminist comedians do their best imitation of a suffering cat, which of course, I mean, their stand-up comedy routines is what they call them. The very first video in this Try to Laugh series featured Samantha B. You know, we were ahead of the curve. We shot this back in 2020. Let's just say that her jokes have aged as well as a fine glass of milk.

Watch. So my producer suggested that I watch and review some feminist comedy bits. And he suggested this because evidently he hates my guts, which is understandable. I would hate me too if I wasn't me. I am me and I hate me. So, you know. But the thing is, I did actually watch. feminist comedy in anticipation of doing this little YouTube video.

And, but much of it was so bad. I'm a feminist. And usually, like, I'm, like, not an advocate of, like, street harassment and stuff like that, except from men that wear gray track suits. Just so, so, so bad. I remember when Kate Middleton announced her pregnancy, I was like, ah, I wonder if she'll keep it. Who knows?

that I thought maybe the fruit was hanging a little too low. It's a little too easy. And there's all kinds of euphemism packed into that last sentence that you can get into later. But then I thought, if I'm going to review feminist comedy, I shouldn't go for the obscure ones. I should focus on a feminist comedian who is successful, well-known, allegedly talented.

And that's why I am going to focus on Samantha B. You know, Samantha B has her own comedy show on Lifetime or whatever it's on. and she's hailed by the media as brilliant and hilarious and genius and so on. That's what the media says about her. I figure she's the best of the best when it comes to woke female comedians. So let me give her a shot. We're going to watch some Samantha B together. And more than reviewing it, I think I want to see if I can find a reason to laugh.

I want to laugh at a Samantha B joke. I want to see if I can do that today. I'll try my hardest. So let's watch this together. Let's start with this. We'll take a look. Okay. Meatpacking workers often contend with cramped conditions, grueling labor and long hours.

So it's unsurprising that plants have become hotspots for COVID-19. If we want to keep our food supply safe, we should first keep our workers safe. So naturally, the president isn't. Following aggressive lobbying from the meat industry, Trump issued an executive order aimed at reopening meat processing plants. Look, it's not shocking. The president leapt into action to save meat because burgers, you endanger, girl. Okay. So I think there are some jokes in there.

I can't be sure. And this might be part of Samantha B's genius, that she tells jokes and nobody knows that they're jokes. So she's deconstructing comedy. That's what I'm told. That's the thing about female comedians. Samantha B., Hannah Gadsby, they're always deconstructing comedy. rather than just telling funny jokes. And I don't mean to imply that women aren't funny.

I would never imply that. I, in fact, am stating it explicitly. Just kidding. Not really, but sort of. Okay, let's keep going. From Ohio to New York, Michigan to California. This morning, the beef shortage at Wendy's is spreading. The company with that unforgettable catchphrase decades ago

is now having trouble finding the beef. You're out of beef, then? Out of patties? It's embarrassing that the Where's the Beef Place is out of beef. It'd be like if someone at Taco Bell was caught thinking inside the bun. Okay. Let's stop right there. This is a professional comedian, folks.

She makes millions of dollars telling jokes. And yet she's never actually told one so far as I can tell. And so I'm starting to figure out that when people say Samantha B is funny, which I've never actually heard anyone say that. But theoretically, if they do say that, they don't mean it on the scale of comedians, right? They're using a different scale. What they mean is that she's funny for a feminist, which is like saying like a corn dog is healthy for carnival food. So maybe if we understand it on that scale, we get into the mind of a feminist, maybe it becomes funny. So let's keep going.

With some food shortages and increased prices, the federal supplemental nutrition assistance program is more necessary than ever. About 38 million people rely on SNAP benefits to feed their families, and last month the USDA announced it would increase overall benefits 40% to give families more money to buy food. Unfortunately, many food stamp households were left out of the benefit expansion because they were already receiving the maximum amount. Now, while Democrats are trying to raise benefits by 15%, Republicans are attempting to block that change. Just for context, The maximum benefit for a family of four is only $646 per month. For Republicans, giving hungry families an extra hundred bucks during a worldwide pandemic

is too big of an ask, both because they deeply, passionately don't give a shit about poor people and because Steve Mnuchin needs it to fashion sheets for his bed. My God. My God in heaven. Deliver me, Lord. Let's try a different video. Maybe this was, it's going to be a bad outing. You know, it's, it's, that's fair.

Like, not, not, it's not going to be great every single time for a comedian. I understand that, you know. It's a tough job, I have to imagine. So let's be fair. We'll go to, um, a different video. We'll try this. Um, okay, let's give this shot. That's a shot here.

Still reporting from the woods. I had hope that as we moved into spring, the forest would start to look green and full of life. Instead, it's totally infested by gnats. Oh, yeah, they're landing on my face. Now. Stop there. Okay. Given recent SCOTUS wins, it feels like the pendulum may be swinging back to a time when

the nuclear family was situated at the center of American life, where real conversation, learning and growth began at home with your family gathered around the table. And President Ronald Reagan's farewell address, he said, all great changes in America begin around the dinner table where you can bring your family to the dinner table with Good Ranchers. Good Ranchers cares deeply about providing families with high-quality meat at a reasonable price. Their mission is to bring people to the table, making those shows. shared moments with your loved ones, easy, accessible, and delicious.

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You can invest in time shared with your family. You're going to buy meat anyway. Why not buy great meat from folks to support? all that we do here. Go to good ranchers.com slash Matt to start bringing people back to the table and eating seriously delicious food. And given how afraid I am of the grocery store, that's how I'm getting half my protein. As the great American lockdown continues, we have reason to be grateful. Social distancing is working. So naturally, the question on everyone's minds is, when can the country reopen? Unfortunately, not yet. Look, I know it's hard. I've been home

so long I got horny just thinking about dining in at a pizza hut. Okay. This is honestly worse what I thought. I'm actually I'm plunging into despair right now. I am losing my will to live every second that I watch this. I want to cry. I do. I don't even know why I'm just, I'm overcome by this wave of just total emotional desolation. That's how bad this is. It is making me long for the sweet embrace of death. I wish I was dead right now.

I just had this image while I was watching this. I had this image in my head of a guy burning to death in a house fire, and I was jealous of that guy. Because at least he's not watching Samantha B. Let's try, okay, we're going to abandon this. Let's go, here's another video. Let's give this one a shot. There are times a charm, right?

That's the same goes. Here we go. I don't know about you, but for me, it's crucial to stay productive during quarantine. For example, at the start of the year, I bought a journal to keep tabs on every book I've read in every film I've seen, but now I'm just keeping a list of every porn I've watched that's troubled me. Starting with hardcore kissing.

It's not what you think. You know what? Maybe, okay. Maybe she's having a hard time with coronavirus material because it's, let's be fair, it'll be hard to come up with funny jokes around the coronavirus. So let's, we'll go back, we'll go back a few months, just to be fair. Let's find a video of her from before all this. So this is from last July, and we'll give this one a shot. Let's take a look. In the past week, our beloved president of the United States of Rhodesia

has done so many racisms, we don't have time to cover them all. So if you want to hear about Trump's social media summit, his threatened ice raids, and his failed effort to weaponize the census, turn to TBS 2 for Full Frontal After Dark, where I rant in my sleep about what a prick our president is, then stay tuned for old Sheldon. But for now, let's focus on the... Did you get...

It's because there's a show called Young Sheldon. And so she's saying, there's a show called Old Sheldon. What if there's a show called Old Sheldon? It's not Young Sheldon. It's Old Sheldon. That's the joke. Let's focus on the three racist things Trump's been up to lately, starting with this. President Trump unapologetic, defending his racist Twitter tirade aimed at four Democratic Congresswomen of color.

After telling them Sunday to go back to help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came. Sadly, the only thing that should surprise anyone is that he wrote from which they came to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition. We to go, Shakespeare. Now return your head to the orifice from which it

came. Of course, it wasn't long before. I'm trying. This is not a bit at this point. I want to laugh at a Samantha Bee joke. I do. That is on my bucket list. Some people want to climb Mount Everest. I want to find a funny Samantha B joke.

That's all I want to do with my life now. I want to be able to say out loud. I want to be able to say this. Have you heard that hilarious Samantha B joke? And then I want the person I'm talking to to say, did you say hilarious, Samantha B joke? And then I go, yes, you sexist. What, you don't think women are funny?

Well, listen to this. And then I'll repeat the joke and we'll all have a good laugh. That's what I want. And it will end sexist. once and for all. That is my goal. It's the only thing I want to do with my life now. It is my life's work. I will find the joke. Let's keep looking. We'll go to a new video. Here we go. I'm feeling good about this. Okay? This is a Greta Thunberg-related thing. So there could be some good comedy here. Let's take a look. To most of America, I'm Samantha B. the comedian. Samantha B. the

style icon. Samantha B, the author of the 12th most popular line of self-published dinosaur erotica on Amazon Canada. But at home, I'm just mom. For my own parenting experience, I can tell you there's nothing more terrifying than a teenage girl. And right now, one teenage girl in particular

is scaring the crap out of all of us. What's your message to world leaders today? My message is that we'll be watching you. And she means it, too. This morning I woke up and she was standing over my That, of course, is Greta Toonberg, the 16-year-old Swedish climate activist who's been traveling the world with one simple message. She's just a girl standing in front of a group of world leaders asking them to do something

before the whole planet melts and we all die. You all come to us young people for hope. How dare you? For more than 30 years, the science has been crystal clear. how dare you continue to look away and come here saying that you're doing enough when the politics and solutions needed are still nowhere in sight

the only thing scarier than a 16 year old girl is a 16 year old girl with an agenda who knows how to hold a grudge Greta Toonberg terrifies me and I love her for it Okay Samantha kind of ruined it there but when she started trying to tell jokes.

But I did, I, you know, I, I did crack a smile at the Greta Thunberg clip. Is it Toonberg? Thunberg. Thunberg. I've been saying Thunberg this whole time. I'm going with Thunberg. That one gets me, that clip gets me every time I have to admit.

I'm sorry, it does. It's a little, it's a little funny. So we might have to count that as my Samantha B. Laugh. I might just have to call it and say that that qualifies. But let's see. We'll plunge forward one more time. Let's give this a shot.

She doesn't want to inspire us or give us hope. She wants to give us nightmares because we deserve them. Bretta is bringing something very important to the discourse about climate change, shame. She's traveled all over the world, ripping into our craven leaders like a miniature Don Rickles and braids. And you know what? It is working. Her international shaming tour has led the EU to commit hundreds of billions of euros to combating climate change. She got the British Parliament to declare a climate change.

emergency and pledged to zero out its carbon emissions by 2050. And she got the banned Scorpions to finally stop rocking everyone like a hurricane. Hurricanes are dangerous. That we're, you know what, we're just gonna, I'm gonna call it. I can't do this anymore. That's, there's only so much punishment a man can take. This is like, this is like someone gave a microphone and a laugh track to my drunk aunt at Thanksgiving.

And I just, I can't do it. So the Greta Thunberg thing, that counts. That's my laugh. I did it. I'm done goodbye