The Matt Walsh Show - Try to Laugh Chelsea Handler vs Hannah Gadsby

Episode Date: December 19, 2021

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You know, my last video, I declared that Samantha B is the worst feminist comedian of all time in the matchup between her and feminist comedian, Lily Singh. But I think spending more time reflecting on it, and I realized that we have to give Chelsea Handler and Hannah Gatsby the chance to, you know, really fight it out. I think it's not fair. I'm all about equity and inclusion. And so I think we have to include them, and especially Hannah Gatsby. She needs to be in it. So today we're going to go watch a couple clips from Chelsea Hancock. and Hannah Gatsby to see if they have what it takes to unseat Samantha B from her throne as the worst feminist community.

So first, let's go back again, if we must, and watch Chelsea Handler. This is so aggressively unfunny. It's almost impressive. So a few months ago, I embarked on a mission that I knew from the beginning would be difficult, but has proven far more challenging than I ever anticipated. It's a sort of mission that tries your soul, shows you who you are, what you're made of, test your metal. the mission is to laugh at a joke told by a feminist comedian. Are you serious? Now, to be clear here, just to be, just so we can get all the technicalities, clear. The goal is not to laugh at a feminist comedian because we can all do that.

That's very easy to do. You can easily laugh at them. The goal is to laugh with them, to laugh at their material, to laugh when it seems like they want you to laugh, and in the way they want you to laugh. So, so far, I've tried to laugh at jokes from, Samantha B and Hannah Gadsby. If you watch those videos, you know that I tried my hardest. I did. I dedicated myself to the task and just came up empty. I found myself not only not laughing, but in fact nearly weeping as I stared into the bleak abyss where laughter and joy and humor

dies. It was a deeply chilling and unsettling experience. But now we're going to try it again. I'm going to give this one more try, this time with Chelsea Handler. Now, Chelsea Handler is an interesting case because she reminds me a little bit of like your eccentric childless aunt who always smells vaguely of cat litter and chardonnay. I'm a little burnout. So sometimes don't shoot me. I have a glass of wine with Buster here. And she has a boyfriend with a ponytail who she invites to Thanksgiving and he tells you about his weird hobby like collecting gerbils or something. This analogy is maybe getting a little bit too specific. I don't know. The point is Chelsea Handler is weird and sort of sad, but not often funny. At least that's how she comes across.

And, you know, I say this admittedly as someone who watched Chelsea Handler one time for four minutes 15 years ago when she was on the, what was it, the E-intertainment channel. And I had her on TV because I was looking under the couch for the remote so I could change it. And in that time, that's like the only time I've ever really been exposed to her comedy. So I made a lot of judgments based on that experience. maybe they were unfair judgments. And so now we're going to give this a try. Let's try to laugh. Let's go.

And we'll start here with, I think this is one of her more recent routines. And let's just, let's see if we can get a chuckle out of this. And then he wanted to know about my family history. I was like, that's not what this is about. Nothing to see there. I was like, my brother died when I was a little girl. My mom died like eight or ten years ago. My dad's a huge pain in the ass.

So hopefully he'll wrap things up this year. And I said, and quite frankly, like, I'm ready to wrap it up too. I said, Dan, I'm not suicidal. You don't have to worry about it. But people say life is too short. I think it's too long. Like, there's so many annoying people out here, and I just can't deal with it. I said, I'm losing my patience.

Okay, so this isn't comedy so much as it's a suicide note. There's literally no joke here. She's just talking about how much she hates her family and her own life and wants to die. And the cackling audience is laughing. Yeah, life is horrible. I'm in despair. Good one. Horrible life.

This is great stuff. Like, I hope the people in the audience never volunteer at a suicide hotline. That's all I'm saying. It's a very troubling reaction. But let's, maybe it gets funnier. Let's keep going. I need you to help me with my lack of patience.

And he said, okay, give me some examples of your lack of patience. And I said, okay, fine. I was at a table like this, probably a little bigger with three of my girlfriends before my session that day with Dan. My girlfriend orders a turkey burger,

no onion, no bun, no cheese. That's fine, we live in L.A. So the server comes over with his hands full, with four plates, and comes over, and we're all sitting at table. We're not even talking. And he says, turkey burger, who ordered the turkey burger?

No onion, no bun, no cheese? My friend is just sitting there like Stevie Wonder playing the piano. It's going to get louder. Turkey burger, no onion, no bun, no cheese. This is her. I go, hey, you fucking go. I forgot that you ordered that. And I thought my jokes were bad. All right, so again, I'm not sure where the joke is supposed to be located here.

And I'll let that play for a little while because I was just, I was sort of waiting for the joke. There isn't, this isn't even try to laugh anymore. This is fine the joke. It's like, where's Waldo? The challenge is just to figure out where the joke is. I mean, forget about actually laughing. I don't even know where I'm supposed to laugh. The audience, on the other hand, they just laugh at everything.

I mean, this woman busts out a Stevie Wonder joke in the year 2020, and the audience acts like it's the funniest thing you've ever heard. Maybe it actually can make a joke about telemarketer, something really topical. Hey, what's the deal with telemarketers, huh? You ever heard of these people telemarketers? So annoying. The audience would love that. That would kill this audience. And then, of course, at the end of the bit, the punchline, I guess, is that Chelsea Handler is a horrible person, which I've been perfectly willing to believe.

She's screaming at her friend in a restaurant. So what we've learned is that Handler is depressed, miserable, suicidal, and on top of it, a terrible friend. These are all excellent things to say to your therapist. It's just not fit for a comedy stage. That's my only point. If you feel like you're not getting the respect you deserve in life, well, that might be because you don't have a title in front of your name that causes people, forces people, forces people. to respect you. And here's something that you could get. You could get established titles, your very own proclamation like I have, declaring that you are a lord or lady. And you have this,

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She isn't trying to make a joke really. She's just trying to make us all depressed. So I don't think she has what it takes to unseat Samantha B. Let's go to Hannah Gatsby and see if she has what it takes. A few weeks ago, we began a journey together. I want to laugh at a feminist comedian, not at them. I mean, I can laugh at them. That's very easy to do.

But with them, I want to find a funny joke told by a feminist comedian and laugh at it. You will fail. That's my goal in life. That's the only thing I want to achieve before I die. I've done everything else that I want to do, sadly enough. This is the last thing. So first we tried Samantha B. That was a miserable failure. It didn't work out. So today we're going to bring out the big guns, Hannah Gadsby. Okay, Hannah Gatsby is the acclaimed, beloved, critical darling, the best feminist comedian currently on the scene, I'm told. So we're going to watch some of her clips and see if we can do this.

You know, can I laugh at a Hannah Gatsby joke? Can we laugh? Let's find out together. Come along, friends. Forget I did that, sorry. I want to tell you a story about a terrible conversation I had at the dog park once. This bloke just walks up to me. I mean, he had a dog. He wasn't just being creepy.

He had context. And I want to tell you this, it's not pertinent to the story, but I want you to know his dog had shoes on. And his dog did not want to have shoes on. Because he was doing that like... And it was a whip at situation, and they're shaky at the best of time. We don't know why. Are they cold? Are they nervous? We don't know. But it was like just, it was a lot. Now, it's not important to the story, but it was a lot in my periphery. So I just want you to know, added stress.

Okay, well, you know, a dog with shoes. That's, see, that's kind of funny. I'm not a laugh thing. I'm not going to, you know, not laughing level, but I mean, actually seeing the dog with shoes, that would get a laugh at me. If she had a, if she had a picture she could have showed us, the visual probably would have helped. But simply mentioning the dog with shoes isn't enough. But I'm, I'm on the verge of laughing. Okay. The dog with shoes, okay, she's loosened me up a little bit. I'm ready to laugh. I want. to laugh. I'm in a laughing mood now. I'm thinking about dogs with shoes. And now she just has to go in for the kill. So let's see, let's see what she's got. Now this was my friend's icebreaker. We'd never met. This was his icebreaker. He said, did you know? It takes less muscles to smile than brown. Now the men in the audience are sitting there going, oh, you've experienced an isolated incident. And the women are sitting there going, oh, the fuck's fate. And non-biased. Are you like is that a hard day for you, is it? Damn it. She squandered it, Hannah. You, you, I was ready to laugh. I was. You had me. You had me.

Why, Hannah? Why? I mean, now she's going into the absolutely insufferable feminist harang about being told the smile. And of course she throws in the thing about non-binary folks because, you know, she can't make a man-versed woman joke without acknowledging the invented non-binary category. And that's good, obviously, because diversity, inclusion, political correctness, all the stuff that makes comedy great. Okay, dare I even continue playing this? I have a bad feeling now. I just, before I was filled with hope, dog with shoes, now she's going into the feminist thing. I should have been prepared for this. It is a feminist comedian after all.

I wasn't ready, it turns out. I'll play a little bit more. Let's see how much more we can stomach. Now, as far as ice break his go, it's a fucking shone one. Basically what he's saying is, your face is wrong, can you change it? Like, honestly, and even if I was giving the benefit of the doubt, right, and truly believe that energy consumption was his chief concern, that he was just looking at me going, if only she knew,

she could live her best life, she could get so much more out of a day, if only she knew, like even if I believe that, the thing is I was neither smiling nor frowning. My face was neutral, which takes fuck all muscles. And now I am aware that my neutral face is not particularly chipper. Like I do look like someone stabbed the potato with a spoon upside down. Honestly, like, no muscles. Neutral.

Now, I have resting bitchface. That's what it's called. It's what's colloquially known as resting bitchface. Only women have resting bitchface. Men simply have very important thoughts you best not interrupt them having. Like, honestly, no one has ever gone up to a man what is a stranger and gone, cheer up love may never happen. No.

Okay. I just stop. I can't. This, this, I mean, I'm waiting for the joke here. I'm waiting, the potato, what is that? Potato with a fork in it upside down. I don't know. She is a comedian, right?

So there's supposed to be some humor, but it's not really happening. Instead, she's just venting about a perceived personal slight. I feel like this is 2003, and I'm listening to somebody read their live journal entry to me out loud. And can I just say, for the record, for all you women out there, just so you know, a little bit of mansplaining, okay? Actually, you are not being specially targeted when people tell you to smile. You really are. Men do get the same thing all the time. So Hannah says, no one would ever say this to a man.

Yes, they would. Actually, they do. People say to me all the time, if you can imagine. I don't like it. It's annoying. But then again, I don't like it when anyone says anything to me about anything ever. So I'm not the best judge, but the only reason why you ladies think that the smile thing is sexist and that you're being specially targeted is that you ladies are the only ones whining about it. Now, I'm going to go off on my own harangue.

There are many things that feminists complain about where they think that women are the only ones that deal with it. No, it's not that women are the only ones that deal with it. It's just that women are the only ones who complain about it all the time. Everybody else, we just keep it to ourselves. So, you know, when someone says that to a man, we just shrug it off and go about our day. Meanwhile, someone says it to Hannah Gatsby, and she does a Netflix special about it. My God, this is pettiness on steroids. And I say that as someone who has written multiple thousand plus word articles complaining about people who don't put their shopping carts away in grocery store parking lots.

There is no greater evidence of the disintegration of human society than shopping carts that people just leave all over our. a parking lot. So I know something about petty whining and this out does even me. All right, let's, uh, let's try another one. I make them put a stand in because I won't hold things this shape anymore. I know who I am. I know my strengths. Because she's a, she's a lesbian. I don't know. Did you get it? Did you get the joke there? It's the, no, no, no, no, hold on. Listen, listen, just to stop. Did you get it? I don't think you got it. It's, she's a, she's a, a lesbian. So she only mentions it 19 times per minute when she's on stage. So you might,

you might not have picked up on it. Lesbians. Lesbians? Lesbians. Lesbians? Lesbians. Lesbian. Lesbians. But yeah, she is a lesbian. That's the joke there. Yeah, that was, uh, that one is especially painful. I don't know why I keep torturing myself. I went through this once, and now we're going back again. This is how I like to spend. This is how I'm, this is how I'm bringing in the new year. Not exactly on a good foot. So what I say that Hannah Gatsby deserves the crown for worst feminist comedian. Over Samantha B? Tough call, but I think at the end of the day, you got to give it to Hannah Gatsby. So congratulations. Hannah, you are literally in this case, actually the worst.