The Megyn Kelly Show - Andrew Schulz on Trump and Biden, the State of Comedy, and Feminism | Ep. 74

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

Megyn Kelly is joined by Andrew Schulz, comedian, co-host of "The Brilliant Idiots" podcast and star of "Schulz Saves America" on Netflix, to talk about Meghan and Harry vs. the royal family, the state of comedy, Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon, Sacha Baron Cohen, Biden's mental fitness, Trump's personality, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, The Kardashians, the value of dancing, Starbucks coffee, dating and marriage, Mormons, breastfeeding, porn, the movie "Swingers," feminism, and more.Follow The Megyn Kelly Show on all social platforms:Twitter: http://Twitter.com/MegynKellyShowInstagram: http://Instagram.com/MegynKellyShowFacebook: http://Facebook.com/MegynKellyShowFind out more information at:https://www.devilmaycaremedia.com/megynkellyshow

Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show, your home for open, honest, and provocative conversations. Hey everyone, I'm Megyn Kelly. Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show. You're going to love today's episode. It's a guarantee, I promise you. Now, it's a little naughty, so if you don't like stuff that's R-rated, I will confess you might not. But if you like PG-13 and under, you're going to love it. Andrew Schultz is our guest and he is hysterical. I've never laughed so hard in an hour and a half. He had me laughing and my team laughing every minute. So if you need a good laugh, you got to listen to Andrew. This guy is like shooting to the top of the comedy ranks over COVID and the lockdown. He started putting out these YouTube videos and posting them on Instagram

too, where they just went on fire. Millions and millions of hits. He's got a podcast as well that everybody loves. He had a Netflix special that you should definitely watch. Basically just Google Andrew Schultz and see where it takes you and click on anything because you will laugh. So he came on and we talked about everything. I mean, from Meghan Markle to the Iraq and Afghanistan wars to being a Mormon, which neither one of us is, to like porn and how ubiquitous it is

and the damage it does to the movie Swingers and a very funny, inappropriate moment with my mom. Okay. So that's what you're in store for. I think you're going to love it in a minute. Andrew Schultz. Maggie Kelly, how are you? I'm good. All right. Let me start with this. Is it true that you're the cousin of Bill Schultz, formerly of Red Eye? Second cousins. You know, I heard it and I looked at you and I was like, I could kind of see a little family resemblance there. What do you think? We got strong family features on the Schultz side. Fortunate for the men, unfortunate for the women. But yeah, there's some similarity going on over there. We actually didn't know each other until we were in entertainment. No way. What? Yeah. I met,

I met him once at the cellar and I was like, dude, I think we're related. I'm not exactly sure. And then he's like, we might know, you know, we might have some family. So yeah, it's a second cousin situation, but I love Bill. Great guy. As celebrities in your family go, like, are you happy with where you landed? Yeah, 100%. As long as I'm better than Bill, everything's fine. Can I tell you, I have a celebrity in my family. I found this out when I was a kid. I am related to Loretta Swit from MASH. Ah, isn't there a Schultz and mash or something like that hot lips hoolahan um she i don't know she's like my sixth cousin i it's like very distant but it's legit and i once saw her on

the upper west side in the pottery barn signing copies of her new book and um greeted her like a long-lost relative and she was off but but it was awkward. You didn't get the same reception? We promised to be good friends, but I thought, you know what? I like my celebrity relation, like hot lips. Cool. Yeah, hot lips is pretty good. Hot lips is pretty good.

You could do worse anyway. So I thought about you this week. I was excited you were coming on because I know you've done some bits about whether our current president is all there, like how confident should we be that he's got all of his faculties? And this clip made the rounds about him. Just to set it up for the audience, he appears to forget not only the word Pentagon, right? He's referring to this facility by the Pentagon, but he doesn't, he can't get the word.

But he forgot the name of our Secretary of Defense. Listen to the clip. I just want to thank you both. And I want to thank the former general, I keep calling him general, the guy who runs that outfit over there. I want to make sure we thank the Secretary for all he's done to try to implement what we've just talked about and for recommending these two women for promotion. The guy who runs that outfit over there.

Yeah, that's tough, man. You know what sucks is that we all forget words. I forget words every single day. But once it's become ingrained in your identity, every single time it happens, people are like, oh yeah, he's got Alzheimer's. It's over for him. It's a wrap. How is he running the country? So he's not allowed to have a single slip up. Yeah, that's tricky. What do you think? You think he's gone? I think they shouldn't let him do live events. I think everything should be pre-taped with a prompter. There should be no ad-libbing. He can't handle it. We've seen that time and time again.

And now it's starting to make me feel like, you know, when your grandpa can't get the words out and you're like, oh, come on, Pop-Pop, you can do it. Like, that's sort of how I'm feeling. Except Pop-Pop was never leader of the free world. So there's an additional layer of concern. But doesn't it prove that anybody can be president? Didn't Trump prove that? Yeah, but like,

yeah, Trump proved, but there are other guys that proved it before. It's not a real job. You don't have to be good at anything to be president. Like, what is the skill of president?

Outside of just being likable, which we all know the douchiest people are the most likable, usually, right? So, like, if I like somebody immediately upon meeting them, I'm usually thinking, oh, I'm going to hate you within a week. If you're a little weird when I first meet you,

you're a little bit maybe socially awkward, I'm like, oh, this guy's going to be one of my best friends and he's probably going to take a bullet for me. He would take a bullet for me. So it's like you have this ability to be likable off the bat and that's your only qualification. It's not like they're lawyers. It's not like they're lawyers. It's not like they're doctors. They literally are an HR director and they just got to hire smart people to do the things that they don't know how to do because they have no real skills. So of course, anybody can be president. It's a likability contest. I mean, in Joe Biden's case, it was truly just a contest of who could stay in the basement the longest. How long can you stay down there? And how long can Trump not say something that's going to screw things up for

him? Like you be quiet and you be totally out of sight and don't go anywhere. I also think, and like, I don't think people are given, uh, I guess Trump enough criticism for this is that he didn't know how to be, this is actually weird. He didn't know how to be a winner. Like he knew how to be the underdog, but he didn't know how to be the winner. It's easy to run against someone because you're just going, hey, I'm not that. Like, what did he run on? He was like, I'm not a politician. And that's how much- Crooked Hillary. Exactly, right? It's like, I'm not those people. And it just so happens that those people are so crooked that you can run an entire campaign on I'm not them.

And then people are like, all right, fine, we'll take not them. Right. Which is more of an indictment on our politicians. But once he became them, you have to change your strategy. Like it's easier to come to power than it is to lead. Leading is tough. How many people have successfully led? It's true.

Because you can't say what which are not, you know? Well, that's why I feel like what happened to our old tradition of putting like Eisenhower in there? Like pick a military leader, somebody who actually knows how to lead people through times of crises. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess. I don't know. It's tricky though also because like you need to be diplomatic, right?

Like, the thing about the military is, yeah, I think. Do you think Trump was? Democracy. No, I don't think he was very diplomatic, you know. I guess, yeah, maybe he wasn't that diplomatic. I don't know. I mean, like, was he less diplomatic than most? What does anybody get done?

I think you could make the case. Tell me what these people do. What do these people do? I think you could make the case. Tell me what these people do. What do these people do? I have no clue what they do. I don't know, but I don't think you're supposed to. You're not supposed to refer to the countries as shithole countries. I don't think that people would chalk that up to diplomacy. Some countries are shitholes.

You've traveled, I've traveled. I'm not denying it. I'm just saying you're not supposed to say it as president. Maybe you're not supposed to say it as president, but it is kind of refreshing to be like, okay, yeah, that place stinks. There are places that stink, and there are places in the first world that stink too, by the way. There are a lot of countries that think they got their shit together, and you go there like, man, this place stinks. Well, listen, there are places in our own country that you could describe that way. It's just Trump was the only, he was the first president to actually start doing it. Yeah, I guess, I don't know.

Like what is worse? What is worse? Like saying a country's a shithole or bombing it into being a shithole? Like we got our priorities totally messed up, don't we? Like that president said bad words. Meanwhile, this other president that we think is a hero is just bombing places into dust.

So I don't know. It's just weird to me. At least, maybe I'm more of like an actions guy. I like, you know, to see exactly what your actions are. I'm not really defending him because he just wasn't good enough to, like, get the job done, you know? And, like, I think people took him way too seriously.

Like, I always said, like, if Trump was in my friend group, I'd poke him in the belly and fuck up his hair. You know, like, this is, he's like a buffoon, but he's a fun buffoon. You know, like, you'd have him in the group, but you tease him in the belly and fuck up his hair. You know, like this is, he's like a buffoon, but he's a fun buffoon, you know, like you'd have them in the group, but you tease them all the time. I am someone who has actually run her fingers through Trump's hair. I did it on camera. It happened. And I'm here to tell you, by the way, it's a hundred percent real. It's all his. I don't, I mean, I, I've read the story, same as everybody that, you know, there may have been some plugs or whatever. I don't know. All I can tell you is that it's nice hair and it's legit.

What's so funny to me is like all these women that make fun of Trump's fake hair. It's like, ladies, let's let's take a break with making fun of fake things. OK, do we really need to get into the eyelashes and the cheekbones and the nose and the lips and the hair, the extension? Like, let's let's get the boobs a little bit. Right. And the boobs, the butts. I mean, I'm in Miami right now. I haven't seen a real girl in a month.

Oh, my God. I don't understand Miami. I've only been there a couple of times. And does anybody work there or just work out? Work out eight hours a day. Listen, Miami is Latin America's idea of what America is, right? And they got a great idea. I mean, it's just, they got it made. They just got it made. They figured it out. They're like, we should be super free and we should do whatever we want. And you

can enjoy yourself and all the women are beautiful and cocaine. And that's pretty much it. That's Miami. How are they? What is the industry down there? Like, how are they keeping the ship afloat? There's no industry. It is nothing. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's Bitcoin. I think everything runs on Bitcoin. I'm honestly not sure. But there's these hot places where nobody gets anything done and everybody's still rich and it makes no sense. I have to say it confuses me and I and I never feel so obese is when I go down to Miami. Cause it's just like, there's no, there's it's like, it's as if there's no body fat allowed at the city border. Yeah. The pressure is it's heavy for girls. That pressure is, is heavy in New York. You just throw

on that hoodie for the winter and nobody notices start getting in shape around April. That's right. That's right. I love sinking into my winter body down there. There's no winter. It is true. It is true. It's a different pressure, Megan. It's a different pressure. Well, plus I have to tell you, I grew up first 10 years in Syracuse and the rest in Albany and upstate New York, the tundra. And there, you know, you could be in your winter body 10 out of 12 months. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got some burly ladies up there and fellas uh new york we grew up in manhattan oh really new york city proper manhattan like where'd you go to

school i went to ps6 for elementary school that's the one everybody wants to get into me lenny kravitz you know what it is um who else went there I don't know some other people and uh and then I went to Wagner Middle School which is kind of like just this big I don't middle schools in New York are are kind of weird they're just like holding cells to divide up the kids before they go to high school then I went to a Baruch College Campus High School which is a small public school that was kind of associated with the college. And, uh, and then I went out to, um, uh, get, uh, my, uh, college degree in the university of Santa Barbara. So nice fun party school. Nice. What like, that's what I wish I had done. I went, so I went back to

Syracuse for college because I just couldn't get enough of the sub-zero temperatures and four feet of snow every December through May. You wanted that journalism degree. That's the only way to get into journalism if you go to Syracuse, right? Andrew, they didn't let me in. I didn't get into Newhouse at Syracuse. Really? Yeah. Oh, people just assumed that I went there.

I couldn't get in. I went poli sci. I went to Syracuse because I had a soft spot in my heart for Syracuse, having lived there for 10 years. And my dad had been a professor there and my dad had died when I was in high school. So even more of a soft spot. And they let me in. My GPA was not so great. My SATs were not so great.

So they let me in. Had I been smart, I would have started thinking about a place like Santa Barbara or when I went to law school instead of Albany, Pepperdine, right? Like, how did you get that brilliant idea? I grew up surfing randomly. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I grew up surfing. And my folks had like a beach house on this gay island called Fire Island. You ever go to Fire Island?

Yes. My friends go there all the time. Yeah, yeah. It's great. So I grew up, my summers were on a gay island. And I would go surfing there. Now, Fire Island actually has a bunch of communities that are not strictly gay. It only has two communities that are gay.

But like most things, if it's a little gay, the reputation is are not strictly gay. It only has two communities that are gay. But, you know, like most things, like if it's a little gay, the reputation is it's all gay, you know? So, by the way, the nicest communities on Fire Island are the nice ones. Oh, yeah. Claim it.

Right? Like, how did it happen that it became a gay, you know, community and it's called Fire Island? Well, it's probably Fire Island first and the gays were like, that sounds right. I mean, that's probably Fire Island first. And the gays were like, that sounds right. That's where we should be. And they have by far the nicest homes. It's the rich gays that go,

that's their Hamptons, right? Yes, that's true. And then the rest of us have just kind of regular places. So there are these other communities. But whenever I tell people that I used to spend my summers in Fire Island, I have to say like like my straight parents had a house in Fire Island because sex in the city turned it the whole thing into like an orgy. So no, it's like you go there, you take the ferry and then it's like this community. The ferry. Where you take the what? You can. You take the what?

The ferry. The ferry? Like how many puns are we going to put into it? My parents were gay. All right, Megan? They were gay. I had gay parents. just nosing around it i didn't want to go there directly anyway so you can run around like you don't have to wear your your shoes they've got like all these little pathways you can ride your bike everywhere it's a delightful community um okay so your parents they were straight and what did they do for a living your shoes, they've got like all these little pathways. You can ride your bike everywhere. It's a delightful community. Okay, so your parents, they were straight. And what did they do for a living?

They owned a ballroom dance school. They would teach partner dancing. Come on. Yeah, 100%. My mom was a three-time U.S. ballroom dance champion. That's greatness right there, Megan. That is also gay. Very gay. So are you amazing at ballroom dancing?

No, no. I mean, I got, I got a couple of moves. I could cut the rug a little bit if need be, you know, but, but my mom,

I don't understand that. Like Patrick Swayze, the way he became such an amazing dancer was his mom owned a dance studio that taught dancing like that. So what, what happened? I can bust it down a little bit. I would not be surprised if you had heard maybe of the soup. You lived in New York. Did you ever live in New York? Okay. Yeah. I live in New York now. You live in New York now. Okay. So it was called the Sandra Cameron dance center. Right. And, um, I I don't know it was down like at one point in the East Village and then it moved down to like a Nolita area did you ever take lessons there I

I did not but I did take lessons out in Chicago at uh the old I think it was when you were young Miller no it was before my first marriage uh before my first marriage before there was Doug there was Dan and we took lessons before our wedding to like learn a little routine and it, and we were pretty good. And I've of course forgotten all those moves. And by the way, you can't do them with the, with a second husband because he wasn't there for the lessons. But you can take more lessons, Megan. You can, you can, you can learn a new dance. Yeah. I'll work on that. I'll work on that. So now, so you didn't put that much time into it. You were focused on other things apparently. Yeah. My mom didn't want to be like a stage mom

because her mom was kind of a stage mom. And so she like, didn't try to pressure me into learning dance, but I think I got some of it down by osmosis, but dance is the best. Dance could cure all this stuff. When you were younger, I think this happened. I don't think you're old enough to be younger and it was part of your regular, I don't know, cultural weekend activities. But my dad said that kids just learned how to dance. That was just what you did. You learned how to maybe play basketball, but dance lessons were just part of the norm and um i think it would really help out like all this you know these like nerds that like have never spoken to a girl and then they're just on the internet angry all the time like what if you were just having dance lessons and then you had to

actually hold a female human being and talk to them and like be comfortable around them and learn that it's not so terrifying. And then, you know, you don't develop these like little incel communities. Like we got to get back to dance. There's no incels in the Dominican Republic, right? There's no incels in Puerto Rico. There's no incels anywhere where there's dance in the culture. Incels only exist without dance.

Any partner dancing, there is no terrorism. Think about this. If there's any partner dancing in the culture, terrorism doesn't exist. That's fascinating. Maybe I've been too hard on my producer, Debbie Murphy, with her little tap dance lessons. I mocked her up in Canada, but I actually do think it was important to her well-being and it was a stress reliever. And rather than mock, I should have just partaken. Yeah. But tap dance is just kind of like, like you could do all those things without it making extra noise, but you tap dance is almost like, you know, walking down the street with the boom box on your shoulder of dance. Do you know what I mean? Like you could do all that tapping without the metal on the shoes, but you're like, I want everybody to hear what I learned today.

It's just too much, right? Like it doesn't have to be that loud. Like if anything, put felt or something on the bottom of the shoe and then just you do it for you. But now we all got to hear you tapping away. It's like, turn the boom box off when you're walking down the street and then turn off the tap tissues. It's so true. Oh my God. The, the boom box is so annoying, isn't it? Like you'll be sitting in your doctor's office, whatever. Somebody go by the boot with a boom box. It's like, why did we all have to enjoy your music? Or even the people who like turn their car radio up so loud. It's like, really? Why? Like, I like my music too, but I don't feel the need to force it on you. I, nothing has been more annoying. Like growing up where you're on the subway and

some guy comes in the subway with his phone playing music right and he's just playing music off of his phone for the entire subway to like indulge in and i used to think this was the most annoying fucking thing in the world and then um one day a guy was playing my podcast out loud oh on the subway and was like, sometimes this works. And sometimes, sometimes this can be entertaining for everybody. So I'm a complete hypocrite is the point of that story. Okay. So can I tell you something I had, I had a, this is a side story, but I was walking down the street the other day, I was going to see my therapist, which is critical, especially here in New York. And I was listening to Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who launched her own podcast. And she was interviewing a guy who I would like to speak to, by the way.

His name is Vivek Ramaswamy. He's amazing. Anyway, so I'm listening to Ayaan. And I passed this cop, this young cop, probably 30. And he is listening to Ayaan on my my show so i'm listening to her do her show he's listening to her on my show i was like oh my god like the universe is trying to tell me something which is like ion's amazing apparently but on the subject of listening to people like do their business out loud all over new york now you see people sitting and they no longer sit with books.

They sit with somebody on fucking FaceTime. Excuse me, but it's like I don't need to hear the other half of the conversation in this way. It's so annoying. Yeah, that's crazy.

You were overhearing it? Yes. Oh my God, they do it. I won't name the restaurant, but there's this particular restaurant where you go. It's not like a Starbucks. I hate Starbucks.

But it's like a cute little cafe. Hold on, hold on hold on hold on why do you hate starbucks because it tastes terrible no no no no no no stop it stop it it's stop it's too bitter no no it is it tastes terrible compared to blue bottle it tastes terrible compared to glaucoma it tastes terrible compared to Glock Cologne. It tastes terrible compared to like these other absolutely incredible coffee options that we have in New York, right? No, it tastes terrible compared to New York City deli coffee. I was about to say diner coffee, but you went deli. That's fine. You think Starbucks tastes worse than diner coffee in New Yorkork i don't think there's any competition i like i'm out of your mind you're out of your mind i can't stand starbucks coffee and i i'm

not particularly into starbucks's whole vibe i don't know why don't you just call it a small a medium and a large like why do i have to use a foreign language to say what i want because everything in there is unhealthy everything Everything. Yes. It's unhealthy. Coffee is actually no coffee is probably pretty good for you. It's like the only drug where even doctors, Oh yeah. The food, but the fact that they even have food, the fact that you can go to the airport and then you can get something at Starbucks and you're like, all right, this isn't horrendous. I get my little Feta, whatever Feta wrap or whatever. And I don't feel too bad about myself while I'm on this flight. I'm just saying Starbucks, I can't believe you don't like Starbucks. You walk in, it's kind of comfortable. I am the, listen, I'm a comedian. My job is to make fun of institutions. That's

literally all we do. I like Starbucks. I like it. It's comfortable. They get the job done. I also like they, their politics are annoying. They kind of went woke and remember when they were inviting all the homeless people into the Starbucks and it was like, Oh, it's the right thing to do. It's like, okay, so that's never going to last because paying customers are not going to want to, I mean, let's be real. Like bringing homeless people in can usually involve bringing somebody who may have a criminal record in who may be a pedophile. And we just dealt with this here in New York. I know it sounds all laudable, like in theory, but as a practical matter, it was never going to work. And sure enough, they reversed the policy. Yeah, but that's because the guy wanted to be president. And I think what happens is like,

and also no relation to him whatsoever, even though we both have the same last name. Yeah, I think he wanted to be president. He was like trying to do his best. And it's just like, I think eventually you have that much success. You make that many right decisions that you start kind of believing your own hype. And I get that completely. Imagine you made that many correct decisions.

Like that guy doesn't have to make too many decisions a year, but he's paid an enormous amount of money for every decision he makes, right? Because the ones that he does make have huge repercussions. Imagine you made that many right decisions that you built this into the biggest coffee brand on the planet. Nothing is bigger on the whole planet. You probably go, I could be president. I get where your line of thinking goes. I don't understand why you would

want to be president. What a useless job that is. Like you can do so much more by being not president. What do you make of people like, you're right, I never thought about it that way. I mean, I'm sure. What do they change, Megan? Tell me what they change. Can anybody explain one thing that they do? I do not know. What is the last president to do anything was Abraham Lincoln.

Ever since Abraham Lincoln, I don't know a single president that did a single thing. Can you name a single thing that any president did since Abraham Lincoln? Well, I mean, LBJ signed some important laws into effect. The civil rights law. But he didn't create the law. He just signed the paper

because the pressure, the outside pressure for him to do it was so strong that he had to. It's not like LBJ had the greatest track record for diversity. No, correct. He's not exactly a social justice hero. He just had so much pressure from the people. Well, who cares about that?

Trump signed in the Anti-Sex Trafficking Act, which really helped protect women. But I wouldn't describe Trump necessarily as the most pro-feminist protector of women we've ever had in the office. I love all these like bills. Like I love this is my hilarious thing. You just name the bill something like really righteous and then you sign it. Like, of course he's going to sign that. If you name the bill, the anti-sex trafficking act, you think he's going to veto that? You think that bill comes across his desk and be like, I don't know. I think we got to negotiate a little more. It's the easiest fucking bill to sign. It's true. What do they do? Tell me what presidents do. I literally cannot put my finger on a single thing that they do outside of like bomb places. I mean, I think, yes, well, exactly. Military protection. And like, I mean, George Bush launched a couple of wars. That was significant. That's had some repercussions. And that's a bad thing. So they do bad things.

What is the good? I don't know. What were we supposed to do? Forget Iraq. That was a bad idea. But Afghanistan, that, I mean, they, they had the Taliban. The Taliban is, you know, what gave rise to Osama bin Laden. Should we have not done anything? I mean, honestly, I was about to give you an answer, right? And then I just realized I don't fucking know enough. So I just stopped myself. But I was literally about to just lie to you. I was about to be like, no, the Taliban can't do anything. I was about to say that on the recorded podcast. I'm not an expert on geopolitics, okay? I don't know exactly how all this shit works and I don't know who started and

what came first, the chicken or the hummus. But I know for a fact that absolutely nothing ever gets done. We're still in Afghanistan, right? Yeah. We're still in Afghanistan. I don't think the average person can name three cities in Afghanistan.

Can you name three cities in Afghanistan? Kabul. Kabul. We all just know kabul because it sounds like which is what we've been doing there for the last 20 years right so how do we at war with the country for or with the country against the country we don't even know what's going on there how we have worked for decades and we have no fucking clue a city's name in Afghanistan. That's crazy. It's it was I mean, truly, we can see now 20 years later that it was in many ways an unwinnable war, as the Russians found out before

we got there back in the 80s. But what we're supposed to do, you know, it's like 3000 people died. We had to respond. And we tried shocking on all that. It just, it wasn't an easy battle to win. But we fought it. We fought it nobly. We still got guys over there fighting it for us. And we're going to need to leave some troops there. I think Biden's got till May to decide whether he wants to pull them all out or not. But yeah, we got troops all over the world. Because once you sort of go in there and engage, you can't just walk out. You can't just leave all the blood and treasure. 100%. I'm not saying, sacrifices you know i'm not saying we just take out the cartridge and blow on it and restart it's not a video game these are real lives and if you're a soldier and you're willing to risk your

life for america it is one of the most noble and brave things in the world i just want to make sure that the decision makers are using those people who are willing to risk their lives for us in the right way. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, don't. Yeah, no, I do. That is a noble fucking thing, man, to go, I love something more and I believe in something more than my own life. It is unbelievably selfless.

Don't waste that selflessness. Don't do that because you need those people. I don't disagree with that principle. I just think Afghanistan was a noble war. It's just, it's such a complicated region of the world. And it's like the, the, we got longstanding issues over there that not even 20 years with American and other troops can solve. And we're sort of, we've, I think we've come to that reality, but out of respect for everybody who's sacrificed there, we need to get out carefully, right? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

That's it, I don't know, I don't know. And I can say, I don't know. Here's one group I can tell you does nothing. Why don't we just go and be honest? Why don't we just go and be honest? Why don't we just go and be like, yeah, but it might be a better policy. Why don't we just go in and be like,

look, dude, you got oil we like it oil okay we're gonna protect your shit you get to keep a piece of the oil everybody's happy i mean isn't that what happens in texas these big oil companies go to some hillbilly who has some land and they go hey we did some research we found out you got some oil here you want to be a millionaire they're like hell yeah i want to be a millionaire like all right we're gonna suck it out for you do all the work you get a piece of it they're, hell yeah, I want to be a millionaire. I'm like, all right, we're going to suck it out for you, do all the work, you get a piece of it. They're like, hell yeah. We can do that everywhere. And then life is good. Let's just be honest.

But stop acting like you care how women dress. Like, that's the thing that annoys me the most, right? They're like, look how they make the women dress. Isn't that bad? Don't they need freedom? Oh, they got oil? Crazy. What a coincidence. Stop. You know what I mean? Stop, for lack of a better word veiling it

veil stop stop doing this like you care about how women are treated i hate that shit it's funny because i had tim dillon on recently and he was saying um he used to be an aspiring yeah he was an aspiring like political guru and he wanted he said he used to be in this place where he was like, you know, we have to support the people of Iraq and their quest for democracy. And then he sort of got to the point where like, what am I saying? No, this isn't who I want to be. And also, they might not want democracy. Like, stop thinking that democracy is the only thing that works. No, we've certainly seen that.

We've certainly seen that. Listen, like you, lived through the Bush administration and through 9-11. And I was an adult when it happened. I was 30 years old when 9-11 happened. And I do remember thinking, of mass destruction and there weren't, there were questions about whether there really were and why he was going there. Was it to avenge his old man who they tried to take out and all that stuff. But I don't know. I just think that the quest at the time to bring democratic values. Say why we went there to Iraq because- I don't believe it was to get their oil. Saddam was about to get sneaky with the oil.'t believe it was to get their oil saddam was about to get sneaky with the oil he's like i'll sell oil to whoever i want i don't gotta go through

you guys and we're like oh word is that how you think things are gonna work same thing with qaddafi qaddafi's like what if i just create my own currency i sell oil through that and we're like what what that's not how things work you sell oil oil in American dollars. And that's the only thing that is allowed to happen in any country the satellite. And so you think that was all all I mean, we know it's not true. Now, he would say a mistake. You think it was an active lie to cover a plan to go in there and get the oil protected? Based on my my thorough research by watching the movie Vice. Coming up in a minute, I'm going to ask Andrew what he thinks about the Kardashians, about Oprah Winfrey and her interview of Meghan and Harry. And he's got thoughts. Stand by. Let me shift gears with you to something you do know about, and that's the British royal family.

I know everything about the British royal family. I didn't even know how to say it i know absolutely everything did you watch the oprah interview uh yeah my girl was watching it so i kind of watched it over her shoulder for a little bit and um yeah it is what it is i mean i just don't they all suck they all everyone you're not on you're not on team Megan or team Queen? I mean, what I don't understand is, let's say hypothetically, right? Let's say hypothetically, they were concerned about the baby's skin being dark, right? I just find it hilarious that they're less concerned about the baby being inbred than they are about it being dark. Like, shouldn't they be through the roof that some new genes are entering that bloodline? Thank fucking God. Right.

Like, isn't that a time for celebration in England? You're not going to have the same like half cards being born year after year by these families. They're just marrying cousins. It's repulsive. If you look at that bloodline, I mean, it's closer than Charles's eyes. They are close. Oh, my God. They're very close.

Yeah, they're very close. That's what happens. That's what happens when your parents are related. Everybody there is related. And the teeth are very long. Their teeth are very long. They're turning into lemurs. This is what happens.

This is what happens. This is what happens when you have literal centuries of inbreeding. Is that even true? Well, now, now I have to tell you. No, no. Now they're blaming the americans some people are saying that what this means is no more americans marrying into the british royal family and i have to say that's not the problem that is not the problem right like i just i i'm not on team megan and harry at all but i don't think you can blame the americans i think prince harry looks as bad

as megan does he's weak he's somebody was using the term whipped you know like kind of do whatever your gal says he's not strong enough to stand up for his family or his heritage or the british people i just think like i have no use for for either one of them now yeah first of all i'm insulted to say they're not letting americans marry into the british royal family the way i looked at this is that he married into america like you're very lucky that you married into America. Like you're very lucky that you married into America. This is the A squad. You made it to the all-star team. Okay. I mean, it's an adorable little country that got over there, England, right? It's absolutely adorable. Right. But there hasn't exactly been a great migration from America to England.

You know, the other way around has existed. So let's really get on track here. I mean, like you got a lady that writes about magic that has more money than the queen. Get your shit together. All right. It's not like we married into J.K. Rowling's family. That'd be something that we should brag about. Holy shit. We got an American in the Potter fam. That's amazing. But the queen of England. Because that even a special thing. It's kind of special, yeah. I mean, it goes back a long time. She's got a lot of jewels.

She's got a bunch of palaces. What do you mean she has jewels? She doesn't have jewels. She can't sell them. She sells the jewels, then she looks poor. So you're a prisoner of the jewels. You really have no wealth. She can take them out.

She can put on a tiara and a necklace and the earrings and the bracelet. She could roll around naked in all of the crown jewels, and we can't. She was cool when she didn't have a last name. That was cool, okay? Nobody knows her last name. You don't know her last name. It's just Elizabeth. I do, too.

What is her last name? It's Mountbatten-Windsor. Boom. That was actually really impressive, Megan. I'll be honest with you right there. I thought she didn't have a last name. I thought she was like a Brazilian soccer player. I thought you just call her Elizabeth.

Then you call the other one Charles. Then that's just what they are. I was like, that is kind of cool. That's a good branding thing they got going on. But outside of that, I mean, it's impressive that she's still alive and stuff. But who cares about the Royals? It's just so stupid. We have real families like the Kardashians here in America in america not the world to think about sure what do you

think about that are you are you a kardashian fan do you watch that show no but i appreciate their influence and stuff like that i understand like what they are yeah like what they built it's unbelievable what they built from a business standpoint yes built. From a business standpoint, yes. I mean, from a business standpoint, they've been geniuses. But I sat down with all of them and interviewed them together. And I asked them this directly, like, are you a force for good or a force for evil? And there's a real debate about that in the country, as you know, given the selfie culture and the big bottoms and all surgically enhanced but presented as though it's not. Yeah, I think that there is no good or evil with them. I think they're just eyeballs and they will take the eyeballs through good and they will take the eyeballs through evil.

And, uh, all they care about is attention and they will get that attention in any way possible because the attention is currency. So that is the name of the game. And, uh, but it's better that they look like that. If we have to look like like look at them all the time i mean imagine they were ugly we had to look at them all the time that would be so unfortunate for us so it's like they're the richard nixon presidency i don't know i and that he was not an attractive man it was like he was considered ugly there should be two i don't know i think i like i don't like't like what the Kardashians have done to like selfie culture. Like I think they created it, but on the other hand, I confess, I do click on the, I click on the pictures. Like when you see it on the daily mail and it's like, Oh, Kim Kardashian just posted

this. I can't help myself. It's like, I don't know. Yeah. Don't move your eyes. Yeah. It's, it's weird because did they create it or did they monetize technology that we were all going to lean into anyway, because we're obsessed with ourselves. I don't think that they created the idea of, I want to look better than I am. Right. They were just the best at it. You know, it's like, um, it's like when the Greeks always say like they invented math and it's like, shut the fuck up, you idiots. You thought that people didn't know how to count

before you? You thought they just looked at things and they were just like, it'd be great if we had a system to figure out how many of them there were. It's just the most absurd thing in the world that anybody could invent math. Math exists, and then you figure out the thing that exists. You don't invent it. Math exists. And then you figure out the thing that exists. You don't invent it. So they're just the Greeks of being sluts.

I think they invented sort of the half nude public photo. I don't remember that being so ubiquitous before them. And now you see like the Vanity Fair after party after the Oscars, you see these models or like wannabe actresses there wearing nothing wearing like, I think the most classless dresses where there's basically a tube top. And then right above the pubic area, the skirt begins. It's like, oh, I miss when we used to wear clothes and we left something to the imagination. It is tricky. It is tricky because the imagination creates the desire, but the nudity gets the eyeballs. You know, like you got to care about someone to imagine. Like, I don't know if you've taken any naked pictures for any publication.

Like, I don't know. I don't mean to be inappropriate. There would be more interest in seeing you naked than seeing the Kardashians. Cause we've seen it already. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. Well,

I don't mind saucy pictures. Saucy pictures is one thing. Like showing everything like at the Oscars. I just like, that's different to me. That's just I love when women celebrate their own sexuality. I think that's awesome. I hate how feminism has gone to this place where you're no longer allowed to be sexy. Somehow that's diminishing. I don't accept any of that. I'm just saying I like when women choose to be sexy and own it. That's good. We shouldn't be shamed out of owning that piece of ourselves, but like a little goes a long way. You don't have to be naked at the Oscars. So what's the, I guess what I'm trying to figure out now is like,

where's the limit and then who gets to decide the limit? I do. Because whoever's at the, yeah, you do. Whoever's at the limit, in order to have a competitive advantage, somebody is always going to go a little further, right? Like we can put all this pressure on men for like creating societal standards for women. But the reality is it's like we're only going to have sex with women, right? We're not going to like go, okay, well, if women aren't shaving their legs, we're going to have sex with goats, right? So you can decide to do absolutely nothing to your bodies.

You don't have to shave your legs. You don't have to shave your pubic your bodies you don't have to shave your legs you have to shave your pubic region you don't have to put on makeup you could do absolutely nothing and we will be lining up in the exact same way to have sex with you because that's what we've been doing since the beginning of time right there was no wax saying there was a brazilian wax job you know 10 million years ago whenever homo erectus was walking right so what i think happens is women in order to get a competitive advantage against one another are going oh she shaved her legs well i'm gonna shave my uh pubic region right oh she saved her pubic region well i'm gonna get electric lasers shot

into my pores so the hair never grows back like it just keeps on one and up each other in the same way that we do it with cars it's like oh that guy, that guy has a Ferrari. Well, I'm going to get a Lamborghini encrusted with diamonds, blah, blah, blah. It just sucks for women that like men are so shallow that we really value aesthetic over everything. Well, but it's so, it's so random, right? Because it's like, who decided that pubic hair was unattractive and that you needed to wax it all off to turn on a man you need to make yourself look like an 11 year old boy in order to turn on a grown man. I don't get that. Like what? And then and then like, the fashions change, right? Like the landing strip is what you should have to go over the triangle. No, like a full full on Bush. Sorry, forgive me. Or just nothing, right? Like you got to go for like the prepubescent. It's weird. I don't understand trendiness on these issues. Yeah. I also don't understand like the, it looks like a little girl thing. It's like, no, it doesn't. It just looks like an adult woman with no hair like no nobody sees nobody sees a naked porn star right that's shaved and goes

is that a little girl right they're just like whoa that's a hot chick that doesn't have pubic hair like when what happened to pubic hair how did it get unattractive well i guess i don't know i guess what i'm trying to say is i never understood that like metaphor analogy that people use for because like when you see like michael Michael Jordan with like a shaved head you're like he looks like a baby right nobody does that right babies have no hair on their head often so how did it become attractive uh girls wanted a competitive advantage uh to get guys and they're like okay guys don't like leg hair they probably don't like they don't like armpit hair like okay guys don't like leg hair they probably don't like they don't like armpit hair that means they don't like hair anywhere and we should just get rid of

all the hair that exists below our eyelashes and now some men do it too now you see like some guys who have clearly had laser treatments on their chest and it's not it's not just like they've shaved their hair it's like they they'll never see another hair there again. Yeah, it's bad. I mean, like I shaved my pubes the other day way too low. And I just look like a detective that's been at work all night. It's just stupid. I look like Enrique Iglesias. That's what I look like. It just looks so dumb. But I think I'm like, oh, maybe my fiance will like this or whatever. It's dumb. Oh, so you're engaged. Okay. I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah, of course. It must be very hard for her because I'm married to a writer and I'm always worried that something I say or something that happens in our relationship is going to wind up in one of his books. And I would imagine it's a thousand times worse for her to be engaged to a comedian. Oh, yes. She knows it's happening. It's a thousand times worse for her to be engaged to a comedian. Oh yes. She knows it's happening. It's happening. If she says something wild or something funny happens, it's going to be on a podcast. It's going to be in the standup, but it's easier for her because she doesn't want any attention at all.

She like hates attention. So she's like private on Instagram. She doesn't want to be put in pictures or any of that kind of stuff, which works out for me because I want to protect her from all this. I want to protect her from any internet scrutiny because she doesn't want it. She's not asking for that. This is my career. She shouldn't have to suffer because of that. But yeah, she knows it's going to be on the podcast. But at least she doesn't have people writing comments underneath her pictures like, I was so dumb, the thing you you said or blah, blah, blah. That takes a special level of thick skin.

So so she's not in the industry. She's not in the entertainment industry at all. No, no, no. She's getting her master's. And did you have you ever dated celebrities or, you know, people in the industry? Yeah, maybe a little bit. Or like people. Yeah, maybe, you know. What do you mean maybe?

I guess. I don't know. Who's a celebrity anymore? There's no more celebrities. There's just, you know, there's no more. Justin Bieber was like the last universally famous person. Wait a minute. Outside of like presidents, yeah.

If you said these women's names, would I know them? Maybe. Maybe no one. Maybe something. Maybe, I don't know. What happened? Because like sometimes when you have two people who really need attention, it doesn't work out. I don't even know if that was, that was the issue.

But yeah, that, that definitely can be an issue. But sometimes I'm just like picky. Like I won't sacrifice my joy, you know, like I just, admire mormons so much because they can like just be uncomfortable like whenever i talk to like people who like left mormonism it's it's like uh kind of pretty traumatic for them but i think it's traumatic because they're like why is everybody else around me happy and i'm not you know so it's like no i know what you mean you know? So it's like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, no. I've, I've often thought like, I was saying this to somebody recently, like I, I want, I want to become a Mormon before my kids get to the age where they're going to start drinking and wanting to do drugs and things

like that because Mormons do a good job of not doing that stuff. Yeah. They really lock that down. And they're like sweet people. We were just in Salt Lake doing shows and they're like sweet people we were just in salt lake doing shows and they're like really sweet people and they're like amazing business acumen they've got this like incredible uh you know ability to like build wealth within the community and yeah they're just a fascinating people and we look at them like they're these like weirdos and uh there's some odd things about every religion i'm sure but like genuinely nice people that have created like a really nice city to live in, you know, they're, they're like the gays, you know, it's just, it's just great. Except the gays don't wear the full body underwear.

Yeah. Well, you haven't been to the right parties in far around, Megan. That's all I have to say. That's a hundred percent true. There's no question about that. I just think that it's's it's kind of cool so are you gonna have kids yeah i'd love to love to have some kids when she you know i don't want to put any uh pressure on her she's still finishing her her degree and then like uh you know she'll you know join the the workforce for a little bit and then uh we'll take advantage of that uh

maternity leave that's the goal just get her a job and then we'll take advantage of that maternity leave. That's the goal. Just get her a job and then immediately knock her up. That is take advantage of the matriarchy or whatever that is. Yes. It's such a leisurely time after you squeeze another human being out of your body. It's just like being on vacation at the spa. I know, right? I mean, it's just the easiest thing in the world. I mean, isn't that hard to get it out? Like you think that we'd figure that out by now through evolution, right? So can I tell you, it wasn't for me because I had three C-sections and my kids are always asking me. Yeah. So I feel like it was actually kind of lucky because my first kid was what they call transverse, which means like sideways.

Oh, I thought you said trans. I thought you said your first kid was trans. And I was like, already, dude? Right. No, he came out and I could recognize immediately he would be called a baby. Right. Right. So your kid was just like chilling in there like, what was it, like Kate Winslet in the Titanic?

Like when she was getting drawn by... Not at all. He was at like, let's say two o'clock. It would be like 2.40 if you're looking at the hands on a clock. You know what I mean? It was like diagonal. And my OB said, well, you can either try to go, you know, naturally and you'd be in labor for 30 hours and then I'd have to do a C-section on you or we can just schedule a

C-section. I was like, I don't need to be a hero. Let's schedule the C. Because I love these women who make you feel like you didn't actually have a baby if you have a C-section. It's like, I still have a baby. I see the baby. Anyway, so then I had the other two by C-section. And like, honestly, your abs hurt for a couple of weeks after and that's it. It's not, I had the other two by C-section. And like, honestly, your abs hurt for a couple of weeks after. And that's it. I didn't find it that unpleasant. Although your body springing back is a different story. It takes a little bit, right? It takes a little bit. Sure does. It's funny, too, because you'll be sitting in there about to give birth and they always say to you and your husband, now remember, you can't have sex for six weeks after this baby's born. And of course the husband's like six weeks and the wife is like

six weeks as soon as six weeks. I mean, it takes like a year to come back from an ACL and that seems like way less than a birth, you know? Yeah, that's crazy. I feel for my fellow women who went the other way. But also you have to look at it like this. Like you must've gotten it back because you had two more babies. I did and you want to know how I did it? How'd you do it?

I breastfed. I always say women are selling like the breastfeeding sort of super Nazis. They are selling breastfeeding all wrong. Like I, I get it's best for the baby and every mom cares about that. But what, what we really need to get motivated on is how,

how to get rid of those extra 30 pounds and all the saggy flesh that's newly all over us. Breastfeeding. It, it like snaps everything back into shape. And you, you, by the time the baby's like six months,

you're burning off between five and 800 calories a day just by sitting there. It's awesome. That's amazing. Can people breastfeed when they don't have kids? Like can just fat people breastfeed? I've asked that. I would love to find a job. Like how do the wet nurses do it? Like how to, I've heard, I've heard stories about like if you adopt a child, somehow you can get the boobs fired up. Like it would be brilliant. That way you would never have to exercise. We wouldn't even need the vaccine. Just get all the fat people breastfeeding. Then they won't be fat. They don't die from COVID. And then we're good to go. Open up the country. Coming up in one second, we're going to talk to

Andrew about when he had COVID. And also he's got some strong thoughts on Sacha Baron Cohen. Does he like that kind of comedy or not? But first, I want to bring you a feature that we call Asked and Answered here on The Megan Kelly Show. And that's where we answer some of our listener questions. Steve Krakauer is our executive producer. He's got the question for us this week. Hey, Steve. Hey, Megan.

This one came to us at questions at devilmaycaremedia.com. Anyone can email and we try to answer questions every week. This one from Kimberly Hahn. She wants to know, how do you do all the research and watching the news without being scared all the time? I want to be informed. I also want to leave my house. Tips or tricks on how you compartmentalize all the information we're fed each day? That's a good question. I think, number one, remember that the media exaggerates most things. They really do. Sensationalism sells, outrage sells, drama sells, especially when you're watching cable news. So if that's how you get your information, but also broadcast news.

I mean, I've worked at ABC and NBC, and they all have this knee-jerk instinct to, forgive the term, but like sex it up, right? To make it sexier, as sexy as it can be, and to lead with the thing that's scariest. So try not to get all of your news from television. I think the papers are actually better at this. And try to get your news from multiple sources, right? Read from the left and the right. I do think that the left is prone to more hysteria, but trust me, working on Fox for all those years, they like the if it bleeds, it leads approach too. They'll definitely go for the most outrageous stuff. So just remember

that and discount everything you're hearing by a factor of 20%, I'd say. That's sort of how I stayed calm during the whole COVID thing. I'm like, I know it's real. I know it's serious, but there's absolutely a hundred percent chance that they're enjoying playing this up. That's how they are. It's disgusting, but it's true. So just remember that. And honestly, like you don't want to live your life that way. The more time you wallow in fear, the worse off you are in this world. Like put down the newspaper if you have to. Like my sister-in-law, Diane, she's lived most of her life not really being up on the news.

And she lives in Cape Cod and she's an oyster fisherman. She's great. Got a great story. She went to Duke undergrad and Harvard for grad school. And now she's an oyster fisherman on Cape Cod. But she's a happy person. You know, She started getting into all the COVID news and the vaccines and all that. She's gotten a little less happy, I think, because she's getting closer to the news. So to be honest, the news can stress you out. But I think, not to be too self-promotional,

but you're in the right place. I think one thing we do well here is we don't discuss the news with hysteria. And we'll continue to do that. Because if you go to hysterical people to deliver you your facts, you're going to wind up a little bit more hysterical yourself. We're fine. It's all going to work out in the end. Hefty, you know, more than a grain of salt, a big old boulder of salt. When you listen to journalists trying to tell you the sky is falling and read a book, hug your kid and remember, I think it was Barry Weiss or maybe it was, it was Alana. I'm trying to remember who it was, but they said, remember that the things that matter most in your life are generally within 12 feet of you, right? The things and the people. Uh, and that, it doesn't even include me, but it includes your family and your

friends and your home and yourself and your, your love. That's where you go. That's what matters. Sky has not yet fallen and we're all going to be okay. Thanks for the question. Back to Andrew right after this. The CDC said 78% of people who were hospitalized or needed a ventilator or who died from COVID-19 have been overweight or obese. Almost 80%. Do you think it's that they die of COVID or not being able to taste food for three days? Oh, God. I think it underscores the folly.

It underscores the folly of closing the gyms. That's the worst time to close the gyms. That's true. Get people in the gyms immediately. Did you get Corona? No, I didn't. Nope. Don't come to Florida.

You will get it immediately. Me and I had it already back home, but everybody on my team that moved to Florida with me got it within a week. Literally within a week. Every single one of them. Yeah, it's a guaranteed right of passage. You move to Florida, you get corona. It is what it is.

100%. But do people care? I heard people don't care about corona down in Florida. If you wear a mask, it's almost looked down upon in a lot of places. They're like, really? Like people love to tell you that they don't do the mask thing. That's what they go. Yeah. We don't do the mask thing. The thing I really like about it

is I took a cross country flight and I fell asleep and it, it saves your dignity when you fall asleep and your jaw falls open. Yeah. Good point. Good point. Also, everybody's better looking with a mask. There are advantages to the mask. Not Prince Charles with his beady little eyes. Yeah. Charles doesn't have a good mask face. But yeah, I mean, it covers up them British teeth, though. I mean, maybe that's why they're like, there's a new strain. They just keep making up strains in the UK.

Just cover their fucking teeth. So what happened to you when you got it? Did it level you? We were actually in the middle of doing the Netflix special. And we got it. And I mean, it was whatever. It wasn't that bad. I mean, I'm in pretty good shape.

You know, it's just kind of annoying. You're just like knocked out for 10 days. You just lower energy and you get tired easier. But yeah, it's just kind of annoying. You're just like knocked out for 10 days. You just lower energy and you're tired easier. But yeah, it was okay. I was... Were you scared at all? No, not really, to be honest with you. I wasn't really scared.

No, I mean, maybe a little bit in the back of your head. I was more scared that like if my fiance got it, if something happened to her or if like my parents got it because they were around me and then i was in some way responsible for their death that was terrifying for me but um yeah how old are you uh 37 yeah so you have almost no risk from this thing so are you gonna get the vaccine now? Because, you know. Yes, do it. Whatever.

There's a question about whether you need it after you had it. Yeah, I don't. Honestly, I don't know. Do we do the vaccine? Like, let's get back to normal. What do you need me to do to get back to normal? Yeah. Like that.

I mean, like, do we do the vaccine? Do we not do the vaccine? Like what happens? But we need to get back. It's been a year. Come on. You're one of the few people for whom covet has been i think great professionally am i wrong like me you found a way yeah you you found a way like you you know it's like the evolutionary process you found a way to

keep getting your comedy out there on youtube, which became huge. And like the, the number of hits on those videos, which is where I first saw you and the Netflix special, it's like your career's taken off in this thing. Yeah. I mean, the way I look at it is like, I mean, I knew this was going to happen because, um, once I saw like the late night shows and all the other comedy shows, like once they started producing stuff out of their homes i was like oh yeah this is a home game for me like you're competing with me at what i do right so i've had to compete with you guys without all the flashy lights and a million different camera angles and a fake crowd and all that kind of stuff so it's like once once they were on my field i was like oh it's done it's oh this is guaranteed you know to the moon dogecoin whatever

it is and um yeah and i just got a great you know great team of guys that are just like uh you know we're all on the same page with what we want to do what we want to put out and uh we just decided we're going to go out there and just murder shit this year and it is it is weird to be like yeah the best year of my career happened during the worst year of most people's lives. But yeah, you've got to be able to take advantage of things.

I don't know. You've got to be able to thrive. No, but you're in one of those businesses where your career doing well helps the rest of the people do well. You're in the business of making people laugh. What did they need more this past year other than PPE? Yeah, right. I guess, I don't know. I don't like to look at myself in that way at all. I'm doing this selfishly, right? I enjoy

making people laugh because it makes me feel good, right? Like once you're an entertainer and you start acting like you're doing something for a greater good, you're just lying. Like that's what annoys me about Sacha Baron Cohen. Like he was so funny before he pretended to be this like activist. It's like, dude, you're not an activist. You need people to tell you you're good and funny and smart. You need it or else you get depressed and sad. Okay. So you create these characters and to be honest, you're kind of a douchebag, right? Like you're taking advantage of kind people who like let you in their home out of the

kindness of their hearts and then humiliating them for like millions of people, right? And lying to them on the process of humiliating them and then letting the lawyers fight it out when they sue you After they were nice to you and then you humiliated them and misrepresented them But when so I don't even have an issue if he did that if it was like a prank show I'm like, okay That's fine. We all look prank shows. They're absolutely hilarious the second you started going like my comedy exposes racism and sexism and Islamophobia and anti-Semitism and all this nonsense. And it's like, oh, dude, do you really think that we need you to tell us that racism exists in America?

Right. Can you just make us laugh? Yeah, dude. Exactly. Just be like, hey, I'm a douchebag that takes advantage of people and makes millions of dollars. And that's what I do. And we'll go, yeah, funny. You're the funniest douchebag. But the fact that you acted like you're exposing something. Oh, shut the fuck up. Shut your mouth. That's what I feel when I see it. I don't like him either. I do. I don't like mean and he's mean. And like when you get people feeling sorry for Rudy Giuliani, you know, you're you're mean. I felt bad with what he did to Rudy. I like I don't

know, just the whole thing. I just every time I see him, I'm like, oh, trigger. I just like he's nasty. But it's he's sort of a bigger version of the late night comedians who are also mean and not that funny. And, know, that, that home gig is really exposing. It's exposing how badly they need the audience with sitting in front of the applause signs. That's the thing. It's they're not mean the late night guys. They're just, they want to be invited to the party, man. This is something that happens when you get in LA and like most of these guys, like most comics are losers, right? Like they never got laid till they started doing comedy. Right.

So they're just kind of nerds. And like when nerds get to sit at what they think is the cool table, it's really exciting. And then when you act as if they could have their seat removed, they'll do anything to keep that seat. So you get guys who were absolutely hilarious earlier in their career, like Jimmy Kimmel, just completely turning into these, I don't know, just kind of like maybe like left-wing mouthpieces just to keep their job, I guess. And I wouldn't even care.

Completely nudist. And I don't care if you're like a left-wing mouthpiece or a right-wing mouthpiece. I don't care if that's what you believe in but the fact that you're completely changing who you are to fit the model that is the show so you can keep buying houses in fucking utah wherever you want to live it's just so corny to me yeah i just it's just not funny i feel like we all witnessed that happen we all witnessed that happen with jimmy fallon who who I think is much more likable than those other guys. But of course, he surrendered like he got hit for having that fun interview with Trump or he ruffled the hair. People were like, you normalized him. And then he tried to

go political and like anti-Trump and it didn't work. You could tell it wasn't authentic. Yeah. And it was just awkward. Yeah. I mean, you know, bless jimmy he's always been awkward to me i i don't uh yeah i've never thought i'd really like to hear jimmy have a discussion with somebody i think that they did a brilliant job of of just um creating games out of the show and the thing that they did different that i thought was really smart is made the celebrities look vulnerable in the games so instead of j of Jimmy getting a pie thrown in his face, it's Ariana Grande or some famous person that you would never see in a vulnerable moment. And I was like, oh, that's genius what they did.

And they'll use Jimmy's likability and then create these games and it's fun. But yeah, once he like went political and then they just all pussied out, that's the thing. It's like the second there's a little bit of negative feedback, they get so terrified because they think that the internet is reality when it's not reality you know and um and yeah that but that's you know that's the thing

is like when you have your own platforms like you have your own youtube page patreon or your own podcast like your own you only have to be loyal to your constituents. You only have to be loyal to your shareholders, if you will. But if you work for NBC or even Netflix, you have to be loyal to their shareholders and their constituents. And their shareholders are not a monolith. Some of their shareholders might be upset at the shit you say. Some of their shareholders might like it. And if those people that are upset are loud enough, they can potentially cancel you

because ABC or NBC has to be loyal to their shareholders, not to the show that they're putting on. So you're always going to be vulnerable to that with the current system that we have, unless you control your platform. That's right. In other circumstances, they can use whatever you say

as an excuse to get rid of you for whatever else is happening behind the scenes that they're upset about. You know, it's like, you're at the mercy of these. No comment. Kate, are you not allowed to talk about that stuff? I'm not even allowed to talk about

whether I'm allowed to talk. Really? Let's just say, let me put it in general terms. Wow. Let's just say, let me put it in general terms. Let's just say my industry is so fucked up because when media people get in trouble, you're fighting media people who know how to manipulate the media

and do an all out assault on you. So it's like high level jujitsu and you might've been trained a little, but you're never gonna be trained as well or control as many outlets as the big companies do. So whatever narrative they want to put out, they can put out and you can fight back, but it's teaspoons in the ocean. One thing I like about you is you're totally non-PC. I even, I have a very high bar for all conversation and jokes and discussion. And I had a couple moments where I was like,

oh my God, I can't look at the screen and watching some of your stuff. But I like that. It's refreshing. You're not afraid to go there. No, because I don't need to be right. I'm telling you how I feel. And how I feel is sometimes wrong

and sometimes it's right. But it is how I feel. And I think comics that are good comics and get things right and even pundits to do the same thing can express that they have a feeling without saying that that's how the world should be i'm saying yeah like yeah i'm sure there are times where like my girlfriend my fiance whatever the hell term we have to use but i'm sure there are times where she wants to just like punch me in the face now that's a wrong thing to do. And she doesn't do it, but she felt like she wanted to. I'm not going to be angry at her for that feeling because that's, I'm sure,

relatable feelings. I'm sure a lot of people want to punch me in the face. Matter of fact, it might be the most relatable feeling that she has in terms of like the general public. So as long as I put things out there in terms of how I feel and not dictate whether things are right or wrong, I think that that's something that people can respect because you're just being honest, you know? Now, but do you get, so in a way I, I've helped this as a compliment, but in a way you remind me of Dave Chappelle, where he just says the most incendiary things that you are not allowed to say. You are not allowed to say that. You can't use racial stereotypes or short forms about black people, about Asians, about

white people, about Italians, about whatever. And you're like, no, I don't follow any of those rules. And your audience laughs. They're with you. And they can't all know what they're getting when they go to see Andrew Schultz. Some may not know what they're. I've never seen people recoil in horror that you've crossed the third rail of politically correct comedy. So is that.

Well, I don't know. Is it scary for you in today's day and age of wokeness to be as bold on that as you are? Not at all. Not at all. At least that scary. No, this is, this is just funny. This is what we do. Also, I've got the most diverse audience in comedy. It's not even close. So it's like, when I'm telling a joke, if I'm saying a joke about an Asian person or a black person, right, I'm saying it to their face with other black people or Asians or white people or Jews or Muslims, whatever it's happening to them. And you get to see how they react. So instead of like a bunch of like white ladies coming on the internet and being offended on

behalf of someone else who isn't even angry, you get to see how they react in the moment. And there's a trust that's built up because I've been doing this for over a decade, right right and these people know me and they know my heart and they know what we're all signing up for when we come out to the show right everybody's taking part of this right it's a dodgeball game it's like when you go to play dodgeball you're not upset if someone hits you with dodgeball right because that's what you signed up for so yeah i don't i don't worry about it matter of fact it's like i relish in it like These are the times where great comedians get to be born. Great comedians come from times of censorship. They don't come from times of say whatever the fuck you want.

You name any great comedian throughout history, they were pushing back against something. There was some sort of institution that the general public didn't like that made their voice valuable. If you could say anything, then when you can say anything, comedy becomes like irreverent

and it becomes absurdist. You know, you're talking about like, like a Zach Galifianakis types really thrive when you could say anything, you know? Yeah. Because we're like, okay, well, what is there to push back against? Well, we'll push back against the institution of comedy. There's no institutions to push back against. Well, we'll push back against

comedy itself. But when there are institutions to push back against, when there is some sort of cultural unrest, that's when comics who are confident in their feelings and believe in their feelings tend to thrive. So it's cool. Well, and you're, what I've noticed is you're an equal opportunity offender. There's no group that's safe, which is what makes it so fun. Like everyone's going to get it and they, and they're laughing too. And one thing I noticed about you that I don't know, I've spent a lot of time at the comedy cellar, which I freaking love. Not all comedians laugh heartily at their own best jokes but yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm funny that's why

all right so is that what's happening you're genuinely cracking yourself up yeah like there's two times well two like ways i'll laugh on stage right like one way i'll laugh is like if something happens in the moment that is just so wild, because a lot of moments that I share on YouTube, I have like an hour of material that like I'll do on the road. But I also will just, you know, mess around with the audience and like, you know, we'll have these crazy moments. Like just last week in Salt Lake, there's a guy and his girlfriend is at the show. And then the guy next to the girl just so happened to have had sex with the girl before the other couple started dating. So it's just like this crazy occurrence that will never happen again.

And we happen to record it. So like we put that out. So these things are always fun. These things are happening for me as well. Right. So I'm seeing something happen in real time. And I'm like, oh, that's really funny that that happened. And then the other reason why I laugh is I can't fucking believe that I'm able to say these

things out loud for a living. I'll just say something and then I'll just kind of chuckle myself because this is a crazy way to make a living. What the fuck just happened? You are on the tightrope. Yeah, but it makes no sense. It makes no sense. Megan, it makes no sense. So were you always funny? Yeah. Yeah. You came into the world that way. Yeah. Yeah. I was, I was, uh, yeah, I was funny and I valued being funny. I always, I always, and I value people that were funny.

I really admired people that were funny, you know, like, uh, older. I didn't have any older brothers, but like my friends who had older brothers, if they were funny, you know, I just loved listening to them say jokes and bust balls. And I just thought they were the coolest people. Like if you were funny, you were the coolest guy to me. Right. Anybody who's funny was just my,

my aunts were really funny. My mom's Scottish and like Scottish women have like a real sharp wit. Like I get my, my wit from my, the women on my mom's side. Same. And it is, they,

I mean, they're just, they were brutal. They toughened me up. they toughened me up they toughened me up those women were brutal and um oh my god the dudes couldn't keep up with them they would run the house and they would tear these guys down it was unbelievable to see so like i also may be a little bit you know tough when we come to like the gender dynamic stuff, because I just grew up with like really strong, successful women. So like when I hear like these like chicks who went to Harvard crying about how hard

it is for women, I'm just like, sweetheart, grow the fuck up. Like get some better role models. To me too, that there's nothing more incendiary, more infuriating than seeing somebody with ton of advantages playing the victim and acting like everything has undermined them. It's like, I was just talking about this after Rush Limbaugh died, because one of his most controversial moments was when he was referring to this Sandra Fluck as a slut. He called her a slut. It's not a nice thing to do. I get it. But Rush was part comedian, number one. A lot of his bits were done with that sort of tongue-in-cheek attitude and number two Sandra Fluck took the went and testified before Congress about how

we all needed to pay for her birth control and it was outrageous she was pissed that birth control can can run up the bills every month and how is she supposed to afford it meanwhile she was at Georgetown Law School Georgetown Law like give me a break I went to Albany Law School somehow I found a way, Sandra. Try harder. Yeah. But you know what's weird is like, yeah, I'll pay for your birth control. Like, I don't think guys are pushing back on that that much.

If there's one thing we're probably willing to pay for, it's birth control. Right? Like, what dude is going to be like, nope, nope they gotta cough it up themselves i'll pay 18 for a cocktail but i refuse to pay 30 cents a month for all women to have birth control you're in you raise a good point rush did not feel the same you see this happen all the time where like uh i actually it kind of like annoys me that like that there's like um this this like pushback against feminism right which you see not only this modern like third wave or fourth wave i don't know how many fucking waves we're at right now but um in its

inception the way like i've digested feminism is it's almost as if like some dude snuck in there and like convinced women to become awesome you know like they literally you see these marches where girls are like i want to be able to free the nipple and it's like is that really your idea or did a guy convince you guys to take your shirts off right Like girls are like, we should be able to get abortions. Girls like we need to make equal money so we could work like, and we could pay half of the bill. And it's like, yeah, this is awesome. Like guys shut the fuck up. Just let them do this shit. Okay. Because we're on the same page. Finally.

Right. we're on the same page finally. Right? I never looked at it quite that way. Feminism is for men. I think we invented it. Tell me one bad thing for dudes. Like I get to pay half for dinner. Girls get to walk around topless all the time. If we make a little mistake,

she's 100% down to take care of it. It's like, tell me where this is at. You no longer have to hold doors open for us. You don't have to let us pay when we go out to dinner. You don't have to pay when you go out to dinner. It's like, there are a lot of advantages. You're right. Now that I think it through.

I mean, this seems like, feminism seems like it is a bigger disadvantage to women than it is to men. Like, I don't know. It's just, instead of like having your bra hold your boobs up all day you got to just let them fucking hang there like bra seems convenient right like that could be good that could be bad my mom my mom always jokes my mom's gonna be 80 in july she always jokes that uh when she was younger uh she was a 38C, but now she's almost 80. She's a 44 long. She needs that bra. She can't burn that bra.

She never wears one. I'm like, Mom, you got to wear a bra. She's like, I don't like it. It's uncomfortable. Meanwhile, there's this story that lives in infamy in my family of when she went. It was almost parodied in the movie swingers um my mom and the family went out to a diner she's sitting on the one end of the booth and my sister whose daughter was just a baby is right across from her and my mom's going how big is emily which is the baby so big with the arms above the head so big and

there's a guy in the booth behind suzanne and emily like staring at my mother and my mother is like she can't take her eyes off of me he can't take his eyes off of me look at him look at him i mean truly half of this was parodied in swingers and uh my mom's like i still got it which she always says she's always like i still got it and um it turns out my mom didn't have a bra on and she's still she lifted up her sweatshirt as she's going so big and showing her tits yes and they're so long now they're like they're 44 long she didn't oh i love it she got those uh aladdin slippers that's what happens to tits as they keep going it's an aladdin slipper what do you mean you know aladdin yeah movie aladdin you know the shoes you wear they're? They're like pointy at the tip. That's what boobs turn into.

I certainly hope not. Oh my God. Also, Swingers, a movie changed my life. How? It was just like the most amazing movie I ever saw in my entire life, especially at this like, I forget exactly how old I was when I saw it. But like, my whole life changed in that moment. It was spectacular.

It really was. Vince Vaughn. Oh, he was amazing. Like, he basically taught me in that moment, like, you can be charming and charismatic to women and they will appreciate it. What showed you that in that movie? Like, he would go up to these girls, he'd just say wild stuff and have these crazy stories and like big up his friends and like, Oh, look how cool my friend is. And yeah, we're going to do

this. And like, he was just this crazy schmoozer. Right. And like the way that he would talk about how cool his friends were so that the girls would see value in his friends, but it also made him look cool to be so vulnerable to like big up his friend instead of himself and i think before that all my examples of like male role models were either like bruce willis like like in order to get laid i gotta save america which is a lot right or uh super like romantic movies where you, our love has been etched in stone and yada, yada, yada. It was the first person I saw that like reflected what I thought my personality was. And I didn't know that you could use that personality with the opposite sex

and that they would like find it fun and entertaining. And immediately after that, I was like, Oh, that's how you can meet women and like court women. You can have fun with them. You don't have to like pretend you're in a fucking romantic not even romantic comedy like some like romance novel and you're so beautiful and i love you your hair is this and i i long for you and all this other nonsense but you can actually treat them like human beings and like be charming and fun with them and it was just so cool to see that. Don't get me wrong.

If we watch the movie now, I'm sure it's like douchey and sexist and all this other stuff, but who cares? Yeah. But at its core, I thought it was really cool to show that like women like charming guys. I think that they want a knight in shining armor when it requires a knight in shining armor.

But I think that a knight in shining armor but i think that a knight in shining armor all the time is exhausting you know do you know what i mean like yeah i do i don't know i think like you're insulting women's intelligence by acting as if you can't engage them intellectually and i think banter is what i think british people it, is an intellectual endeavor. Like it's fun to like exchange whips with someone. And I don't know, the women I've always connected with value that and I've always valued that in them. And I think when society is critical of like hot chicks that just have nothing else,

that's what they're actually critical of. They just don't know how to express it. It's almost like I understand you're hot, but I still want to have banter with you. And if you think that you can just be hot and not supply any banter, that's almost insulting to me. Well, you're going to wind up with a loser. You're going to wind up with a loser. That's's the hard thing like women they got to work on developing their whole personalities because if you're just gonna go off your looks you're gonna wind up with a loser that's the truth yeah yeah and and look you should have some like i maybe it's sexist to say this but like yeah i think guys should try to be successful financially still like there's gonna be a time where your girl can't

do anything because she just squeezed the baby out. She got to look after that for a few months. Like you should be able to hold it down for that time period. If I was a girl, it's pretty vulnerable. I like to make you feel like you're secure. So I don't know if that's sexism. You can call it sexism if you want. But like if my girl goes, hey, I think I'd like to take a few months off after squeezing a human being out of my vagina.

Can you hold it down? I'm like, yeah, that's the point. That's my job. So maybe we need a little out of my vagina. Can you hold it down? I'm like, yeah, that's the point. That's my job. So maybe we need a little bit of sexism. In a perfect world, you've got, the woman has a good job and her maternity leave is gonna make that whole decision a lot easier. But yeah, the partnership.

And I mean, I love what you're saying about swingers because I love that movie too. And Vince Vaughn, I mean, it's what made him a star. And his character was utterly charming. And I'm sure you related to it because he was funny. He was quick. He was clever. And I like what you said about how he, he built his friend up. That's so true too. I think that's attractive in either sex, right? Not to be threatened by your friend, but to be showing them off, but to be supporting them, to be building them up. Yes. It's attractive, actually. Someone with the confidence to big up their friend,

to me, I'm looking at that person like, oh, you're so confident in who you are that you don't even need my validation. You want my validation to go to your friend? That's hot. Right. It's true. You're so money. You don't even know it. You're so money. You don't even know it. Megan. Do you watch a lot of movies? Like,

is that, is that, what do you do in your spare time? Like, how do you refuel that brain with new information for your act? God, I don't know, to be honest with you.

That's a great, I just try to feel things. And like, uh, anytime I try to write jokes about things that I don't have any connection to, it doesn't work out. Yeah, it's like, I need to feel. Well, you seem like you're watching the news a lot because your humor is so timely.

Not even, to be honest with you. When we were doing the weekly pieces where I would do those like rants, we would do an immense amount of research and it was like, it was a painful amount of research, uh, so that we could be like, right. But when we're just busting balls, like I, again, I just like to soak in what the story is and then just say how I feel about the story, you know, like what is my knee jerk? Like when I found out like China was doing those like anal swab tests, you know? Oh my God. It's, um, just to tell, tell the audience what you're talking about. Cause that was horrible. Uh, so like for foreigners, if you want to go to China now, there's a new COVID test that was developed. It's actually more accurate, they say. And the swab doesn't go up your nose, it goes up your rectum. And my knee-jerk reaction to that was, why do Chinese people need to get 100 on every test? You know, like, isn't 99 good enough? Right? Like, what's the PCR? Is that 98? Like, I'll take a 98.

So like, that's, that's just, that's the type of way that I can write jokes. I just have to feel something. I can't manifest it. Like there's some comics, they just try to say the funniest thing about Uber. I don't care about that. I want to feel something about the topic. That's hilarious and so disturbing. I mean, whereupon no one ever went to visit China again, ever.

Who would do that? Who would consent? You're walking around china and everybody there goes whoa you really want to be here they're just looking at you laughing they know what you went through to have a peking duck that's a big sacrifice and the story was we said we had a bunch of diplomats go over there the u.s and many of them were subjected to this. And this the story was, they complained because they felt it was undignified. Like, you think? Yeah, send me back, dude. I'm not we're not doing this. You're not putting anything in my butt. I

don't care. No, no. Oh, my God. I mean, it takes like the TSA search that we find undignified to a whole new level. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's just not going to happen. You're not going to do it. Send me back. I would just say, send me back. Put me back. Put me on a plane. You're not going to put anything on my butt. It's not happening.

I don't care. It's not going to happen. I don't put anything on my own butt. I don't do that to me. So you can't do that to me. Well, let me tell you something. This describes a lot of sexual experiences a lot of women have had and discussions they've had. Let's get something straight right from the top.

The anal swab. It's just an anal swab. That's all. You won't feel a thing. I never understood that. I never understood why people even want to explore that hole. It just doesn't make sense to me. Straight people, you mean? Yeah, well, gay guys got to do it because that's the only option. why people even want to explore that hole. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Straight people, you mean? Yeah, well, gay guys got to do it because that's the only option. It's not like they want to. It's not the only option, but it's, yeah. I mean, it's the only option where you guys still get to have a nice conversation. Do you think that's what they're doing? It's the only option where you can still have eye contact you know the important things about sex maybe maybe not oh i don't know it's just so weird

like it's just this it's almost like this manifest destiny thing about it you know like well i feel bad for the girls today because you know back in my day men had access to like penthouse penthouse forum uh but there was no internet when i grew up in the 80s and now these kids are like looking at the dirtiest most disgusting weird porn that no one in real life does and trying to convince these young girls that that's a thing right like that's what everybody's doing that's what sex is like it's ruining sex for both parties you know what you're 100 right and like people get so fixated on these like stupid issues that involve sexism like it's just cartoon characters sexist like when they don't realize that there's an entire generation of young people that are probably now adults that grew up watching porn and thinking that's what sex is and the problem with that is porn is for men like it's not for girls there are girls in it but it's not

for them right they had like i know a lot of girls that say they watch lesbian porn. And I'm like, yeah, that makes sense, even if you're not gay, because at least they're trying to make the women feel good. So it's like you put up with the lesbianism because you're like, well, at least I can imagine that I'm that girl. And there's someone that wants me to feel good in the porn. But there's all these girls that are growing up thinking that's what normalized sex is. i'm shocked that this is not like a story every single day i know it's crazy like no you know who's been raising the alarm about this pamela anderson really anderson has made this one of her this and julian assange those are and animals those are her three big causes but she she knows a thing or two about this weird industry she was never a porn star she you know she gave pictures to playboy but she had the porn she had the video it's adjacent

it's well that but that wasn't like her willingly engaging in porn right wasn't that just like a home video of action that then got released or stolen it was stolen out of their house stolen you're right it was stolen yeah yeah she's i've talked to her she's actually i mean i don't know how to say this but the phrase that's coming to my head is she's a good girl like she's she's smart and she's thoughtful and she was like she also had a really interesting outlook on harvey weinstein like she said like the women they need to think hard long and hard about why they accept an invitation to go right into his hotel room at 11 o'clock at night for for a meeting. And I and I could defend the women all day long, but I just I like different thinkers who are like, remember this, too.

I was Pamela Anderson. I never did that. I had lots of opportunities. But my mom in Canada told me, beware. Right. That's interesting about Weinstein. You know, I don't think it's enough shit with Weinstein is the people that people that protected Weinstein because like, they're going to be Weinsteins in the world. Like, obviously this guy's a douchebag and he should die in jail, but like, there's going to be more versions of him. Right. And women should be able to complain about Weinstein. And also, by the way, there's Weinsteins for dudes in Hollywood too. this is the big kept secret right there's a bunch of like gay casting directors and like gay producers etc they're like take advantage of these you know young actors and they're doing the exact same thing but nobody wants to talk about it but that's fine but um so there are people that

protect the Weinstein in other words there are girls that complain about that time in the hotel room and then they get silenced. And that I have a huge problem with because there are going to be other wine scenes. And you should be able to complain about these people and have your complaints listened to and heard. And then those people should be able to get those people in trouble or this, that, the other. But when, when the person who is the victim of this, you know, sexual assault complains, and then is told to shut the fuck up by a bunch of people who are still around, I'm sure now, and have received no justice at all. That's when the system completely falls apart and someone feels, you know, completely helpless. So you need to look no further than,

you know, people like Meryl Streep calling Harvey a God at the Oscars. I think it was a guy or the globes, whatever, one of those one year, which is a message. Everybody was reinforcing about him, even though there were rumors about what a shitty guy he was for a long,

long time, which people either had no desire to look into or just didn't want to believe notwithstanding the proof staring them in the face. Yeah. I mean, like again, it's the same thing as a Sacha Baron Cohen. They just want to be invited to the party. They just want to be able to make the movie. These people are obsessed. They need the attention. They're addicted to this attention and they are willing to look past absolutely anything in order to continue to get it. It's, it's an addiction. So let me ask you a question. Cause we're sitting here and breaking news just came in across the wires as we're chatting. Um, it's kind of a little bit

relates to the discussion we had at the top, which is, you know, Piers Morgan, right? A good morning Yeah. Whatever happened to him went bad he's out now he's it it the the statement is and he's been hosting good morning britain with his co-host suzanna for a long time i was just on the show talking about markel and harry following discussions with itv that's the network piers morgan has decided now is the time to leave good morning britain itv has accepted this decision and has nothing further to add. Hmm. Hmm.

What do you think it is? I don't know what to make of that. What do you think it is? Well, he's been embattled. He's very anti-Meghan Markle, which he has been. And look, I guess the better way of saying it is

he's not drinking the Kool-Aid on her, right? He doesn't seem like a fan. But yesterday, he was really going off about the Oprah interview. And I agreed with much of what he said. I thought that I'm not a big fan of Meghan and Harry and their victimhood, knee-jerk to everything. Have you ever seen such privileged people play the victim on virtually everything? It's just I've had it. And no message of like, you know what? We had some rough times, but we're good. We're still, I'm still a prince. I'm still a duchess, or at least, you know, sort of.

At some day, Archie will be a prince. And we live in a $14 million mansion in, you know, Montecito next to Oprah. And we just signed $150 million worth of deals with Netflix and Spotify. So we're good. We're good. Don't worry about us.

No, that wasn't in there, right? It was like, sad. Everyone's out to get me, the palace, the press, my dad. OK, so anyway, that's so Pierce is kind of he's very protective of the queen. It was sort of going off on what an insult it was. And then today on the show, there was a guy who he was arguing with and the guy just kept like saying, what was all that matters is her lived experience. And Pierce just kept saying, but, but her facts were wrong.

She said that Archie wasn't going to be a Prince because of his skin color. And what the, what we've all now seen now, thanks to all the press is that Archie was never going to be a Prince. That was an edict handed down a hundred years ago until Charles became King because I don't know something about the way the rule, the rules work anyway.

Any thoughts on Piers Morgan out at good morning, Britain? Um, I could care less about, uh, British TV. Uh, so,

and who's on it. Um, also any, any man that says I'm not a Megan Markle person, immediately anything else they ever say, I don't care about. I said that. I was paraphrasing for him. Stop it. That's not his.

Any man that has an opinion on Meghan Markle, I don't care about anything else you say ever. What do you mean? don't care about anything else you say ever. Like if Meghan Markle has got you riled up, like it's just, I don't understand why people even care. Like this woman, she became, she married into the royal family. What did she think that meant? Did she, I mean like, what does she think that you just married

to the royal family and then you just go on living your life as normal? No, there's going to be responsibilities and you better show up to those responsibilities you're getting paid to do nothing so you're going to wear the stupid outfits you're going to curtsy you're going to go to the whatever it is not independence day parade but like um removing other countries independence day parade is that i'm just saying like the least you can like, the least you can do, right? The least you can do for all the money and advantages that you get to be attached to the royal family is go through the rigmarole that is the royal family.

Just fucking shut up and do it. And if you don't want to be part of it, say you don't want to be a part of it and then shut up again. Like, it's crazy. And then leave with class. Leave with class leave with class like she left she was a b-list actress here in the united states who we never would have wanted to hear from has she not married harry now she's getting 150 million dollars because of that family because she married in and they accepted her and there's no there's no gratitude there's only slings and arrows and complaints i'm not on her side all her bitching and moaning about how hard she had on the royal tour

when we've had a year of doctors and nurses laying their lives on the line watching people die around them without complaint. But she can't handle the royal tour to Australia. Yeah, no, she sucks. But like, she definitely sucks. And, but so does,

like, I think it's beneath Americans to care about royalty from any other country. Like, I think it's beneath Americans to care about royalty from any other country. Like, I think it is beneath us to give any fucks about the British royal family. Like, when I hear an American care about it, I'm just like, come on, come on, come on. What is this? Like, lions, though, you know, aren't concerned about the opinions of sheep. There's a sheep. You know what I mean?

There's a sheep. I hate myself for caring. Shit. I'm looking at a whole new light. Why do I care? I don't know why. You're better than this. I hate myself for caring. Shit. I'm looking at a whole new light. Why do I care? I don't know why. You're better than this. You're an American.

Come on. We already whooped their ass. You know what I mean? We handled that. That's years ago. Now let them go have their little fun. We had a debate one time on NBC about whether an American should curtsy to the queen. And I was saying, why would we?

We're not one of her subjects. We fought would we? We're not one of her subjects. We fought a whole war to be not one of her subjects. And of course, at NBC, it was like, oh, that's rude. You're, you know, you're being rude. I'm like, I don't think it's rude. I'm not her subject. Why would I? I don't, like, that's where I draw the line.

I think it's embarrassing that Canada still has the queen on their money. That's pathetic. It's absolutely pathetic. Like, get the queen off your money. Are you your own country or are you not? It's a very simple question you have to ask yourself. In the case of Canada, you know. I'm just, look, that may be a little bit soft,

but, like, come on, stand up for yourself. You're not part of the, what do they call it? That doesn't sound like Canada. The kingdom? Yeah, the kingdom. That's right. But, yeah, it's just a little, it's That's right. But yeah, it's just a little, it's just, I don't know,

it's just a little silly, the whole royalty thing. I don't get it. I mean, I get maybe, you know, in the movies, it's nice to be a princess or this, that, the other. But like, if I want a curtsy to the queen,

then I'll curtsy to the queen. But you're not going to tell me what I have to do. Canadian Debbie, my tap dancer producer, is telling me that they have whole highways named after the queen in Canada. It's like, really? Rename it. Rename it. I, is telling me that they have whole highways named after the queen in Canada.

It's like, really? Rename it. Rename it. What Canadian do they have to really name things after? Honestly, Janice Dean. She'd be one. Justin Bieber and the first, what is that woman's name? What is the man?

I feel like a woman. That girl, the country music star oh shania twain shania twain that's a great highway wayne gretzky you know what i mean like they've got a lot of ryan reynolds oh drake highway drake drake's canadian jim carrey like there's a lot of people you can name highways after you don't have to name a highway after the queen like get out of here did they build the highway did the queen build it yeah you raise a good point i think she did actually didn't she like her people her money i don't like that counts well if she built the highway then she gets her name on it i guess that's fair it's an homage or something well anyway maybe here in new york we'll we'll get an andrew schultz way

you know how they name streets here uh after somebody who did the city proud i'll nominate you i got a lot of pull in this city they love me here yeah honestly megan that would be pretty cool i get the whole statue thing you know i get it but then again maybe i'm just supposed to exist within my time maybe that's my maybe that is my destiny and i supposed to exist within my time maybe that's my maybe that is my destiny and i have to exist in my future future generations don't need to know about you i don't know i i don't know i you know what i don't care i just want to i want to ride this till the wheels fall off and then whatever happens later that's cool you know but like yeah maybe that's my role maybe that's my role in the ecosystem i have to exist within my time and then be, you know, as impactful, but also just be a

good guy to the people that I meet. And then, you know, live a good life. Be a good guy. It's not that hard, right? I love it. Ride it till the wheels come off. Andrew Schultz, what a pleasure. Thank you so much for being here.

Nice to meet you. You're great. Don't miss Friday's show. I've been trying to get this man since we launched the program. And he finally said yes, Victor Davis Hanson. I mean, he's like the godfather of perspective. When I listen to him, I'm like, ah, it all makes sense now. Very conservative guy, way more conservative than I am, but brilliant and can explain everything from Trump to Biden to immigration to, you know, the Equality Act, all that stuff in a way you're like, ah, okay. So he makes digesting the news effortless and isn't afraid to go anywhere. So you're going to love him.

He's up on Friday. Don't miss it. Subscribe and rate. Give me five stars. Don't forget to download and give me a review. Well, yeah, I'd love to hear from you. I read them all the time. I've read every single one of the 15,000 plus reviews.

And they really helped me feel connected to the audience and understand what's working for you guys. So love it. Appreciate it. And we'll talk Friday. Thanks for listening to the Megan Kelly show. No BS, no agenda and no fear. The Megan Kelly show is a devil may care media production in collaboration with Red Seat Ventures.