The Megyn Kelly Show - Chris Distefano on COVID Hysteria, Raising Tough Kids, and The Plague of Narcissism | Ep. 86

Episode Date: April 7, 2021

Megyn Kelly is joined by Chris Distefano, comedian and host of the Chrissy Chaos and Hey Babe podcasts, to talk about raising tough kids, the rapid woke cultural evolution over the last 20 years, the plagues of narcissism and insecurity in society today, COVID hysteria, California's trans prison law and the trans trend, Charles Barkley's wisdom, Hunter Biden's book tour, the value of being married to a Puerto Rican wife, lessons from his "criminal" father, how he got his start in comedy, and more.Follow The Megyn Kelly Show on all social platforms:Twitter: http://Twitter.com/MegynKellyShowInstagram: http://Instagram.com/MegynKellyShowFacebook: http://Facebook.com/MegynKellyShowFind out more information at:https://www.devilmaycaremedia.com/megynkellyshow

Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show, your home for open, honest, and provocative conversations. Hey everyone, I'm Megyn Kelly. Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show. Today on the program, we have a treat for you. Chris DiStefano is here. He is a stand-up comedian and philosopher on life, and we just taped this interview and I am in stitches. This guy's right up my alley. I loved him and I think you will too.

And we talk about the news and we talk about life. And he will have you smiling for the next hour and 20 minutes or so. He has an interesting background. He's, well, he's 36 years old. He grew up in Queens. The guy has a doctorate in physical therapy and was practicing pediatric physical therapy all the way up until 2013. And when he decided to try his hand at stand-up comedy, and what do you know, it worked out. He's been everywhere now. I mean, he was on Letterman. He's been on all the late night shows. He's been part of Comedy Central. He's now got two very successful podcasts. One's called Chrissy Chaos and one's called Hey Babe. He's he's been all over the place and hopefully coming soon to the comedy cellar here in New York, where I love to go and where they only allow the very best of

the best. So, you know, he's one of them. We'll get to him in one second, but I think you're going to love his thoughts on how to raise tougher kids. His criminal dad, as he refers to him, and granddad had some lessons for Chrissy. And what kind of lessons you can learn when you're married to a Puerto Rican wife like Jasmine DeStefano, who is his wife now. He's brilliant. That's in one minute. But first, this. Chris DiStefano, how are you? Hey, Megan, how are you? First of all, I just want to say I'm a big fan.

Oh, thank you very much. Likewise. I'm honored. You know, we share our Italian roots on my mom's side. I'm always talking about my Irish side because we have a lot in common, the Irish and the Italians, as you know, but my I got a grandfather named Angelo Di Maio. Wow. Sounds like human marinara sauce. Yeah, I am. I did. You know, I'm Italian, you know, the last name Di Stefano. But then I did the Ancestry.com and I found that I'm mostly German. So I'm having an identity crisis. Oh, fascinating. On whose side? My mother's side was like almost nearly like 100% German. And my dad's side was, I thought, you know, he, his father died when he was like 10. And I'm like, unless somebody's lying to me about who my real father is, I was like, dad, like your dad was lying to you.

And he was like, well, listen, you know, cause my dad was like a criminal on and off his whole life. So my dad was like, he was like, look, he was like, look, even if, even if he was German, I mean, he's not a rat. He's not going to rat on himself. What does that even mean? It's like, he wasn't around during that time when it was bad to be german was it he wasn't that old i don't i mean well no i mean my dad my dad was born in 1948 so i i mean no his dad yeah that's it that's oh my god we're three minutes into this podcast and i'm finding out that i've descended from nazis thanks megan now it's just further spinning. What's going on? You know what, though? The Germans and the Italians have one thing in common,

which is they're tough. They're tough. Don't mess with them. Tough. Yeah, no, true, true. Yeah. I've heard you talk about how like if in your family, like if you came home looking as like, I don't know, one of these Brooklyn guys looks and acting like they act, you get punched in the face. Oh yeah. No, for, for me, like, that's what I think is actually a saving grace. Um, for me so far, like navigating through this comedy world is I've been punched in the face so many times and I don't think like the youth gets hit enough anymore. I'm, I'm an advocate for bringing back hitting your kids. Because I just... I mean, these kids now, they just pop off on TikTok

and Twitter. And what's the worst? They say whatever they want. And then what's the worst that happens to them? They get blocked or they get an email on all caps locked. It's like, I used to get my teeth knocked out. It's like, you will see how much you stand by what you believe in and what you're saying when you're swallowing your molars. I mean, if you've ever had to look through your shit for your teeth, we'll see if you really, really, really are a tough guy and standing up for what you say. Because I think a lot of this stuff happens on social media. People can just say whatever they want. And they may not even believe that in the physical realm. They may believe something different, but they think it's cool to tweet whatever hashtag they want to tweet.

And there's no real repercussions when... They would never say what they're saying online to you, to your face. They would never say it to your face. And that's the difference. If I had something to say to someone, my father and family would make me say it to their face. And then usually when you have to say something to somebody's face, you really have to think about, do I really want to say that? And usually the answer is no, I don't really want to say that.

Oh yeah, no, they're real tough behind their thumbs. These people are these little Twitter warriors. I'll tell you, even, you know, I have two boys and a girl and I definitely, I don't want them to get punched in the face, but I certainly don't want them to take a punch and not fight back. So in our family, it's like, I tell my kids, somebody punches you, you punch them right back. I don't care. I don't care what anybody tells you. You fight. Like if you get attacked, you, you attack right back. And by the way, even my little guy, my seven-year-old will

be, you know, tearing up like Yates hit me. Yates is my 11-year-old. And I'll say, I'll say, Yates, you hit Thatcher. He'll go, he hit me first. I'm like, what'd you expect Thatcher? He's he, you punched him first. He's going to punch you back. That's how life works. Bye. And like, they sit there looking at me like, what kind of a weird house is this? Like, it's a, it's a just house. That's how it is. It's a just house. It's a just and fair house. No, I, I, and I love that. I think same thing. Like, yeah, I don't necessarily want my kids to go out there and get beat, but we're, and we don't hit the kids, but you know, they're young. I get a 10 year old and a five year old, but here's the thing is my, my wife is Puerto Rican. So we got my, I've a, I've a very multi, you know, culturally diverse

family. So, you know, the Puerto Ricans, you know, my girl, she's a tough Puerto Rican girl from Brooklyn. So the thing is like, sometimes I, you know, when I like train and do like some boxing, I like to box a little bit. People like, what are you training for? I'm like, I'm training for my wife just because she's a lefty. And if she, if I piss her off, I mean, she throws a hook like Mike Tyson.

And that's just, it's just good to keep you. It's just good to be kept in line by a woman. I just like, I don't, I never, ever, ever, you know, like get out of line with her. And I feel like my daughter is the same. My daughter's a lefty too. So I like that my daughter can come at you from a different angle.

And I kind of like that, you know, because when we were naming my child, it was like, oh, you know, her name's Delilah DiStefano. And they're like, oh, what about all the, they're going to make fun of her, D, D, double D. I'm like, here's the thing about my kid is if you want to make fun of a comedian's child, that's fine. But you have to understand you make fun of my child. I'm going to go call Dave Attell. I'm going to go call, you know, Colin Quinn and Jeff Ross and, and, and, and Amy Schumer.

And we're going to write roast jokes and we're going to roast the shit out of your little five year old ass. Okay. If you make fun of my kid. So that so I tell my daughter, anybody makes fun of you. You come tell dad right away. We're going to have a writing session. We're going to come back with fire for these kids. It's brilliant. I have to tell you, back in the day, years and years ago, I was in my 20s.

My sister's kid was getting bullied at school by this one jerk. And this kid would not let up on my sister's kid who was very sweet and didn't deserve it and just wouldn't stop. And one night I was out drinking with a friend of mine and she's like, what's his name? And I told her, she goes, let's prank him. Really? She's like, so we did. It was cathartic. Sorry, not sorry. than 1960 America or 1880 America. So it's like, it's absurd. It's the best time to be alive and is American, I believe is right now, despite the issues. It's like, there'll always be issues. It's like the people that want this utopian society.

I'm like, you don't, you've, again, you've never been punched in the face. Like this is, you don't want reality. You want your distorted fictional reality. That's, it's bullshit. Even like with kids, like I just want to bring back, you know, like you said pranking or like halloween like i remember on halloween like it was kind of fun to get hit with an egg or a bag of batteries like it kept you on your toes now i even talk about yeah i mean i grew up in brooklyn you know so it's just like you know we used to

this is what we used to do megan we used to dip eggs and again i'm not and you know i'm not saying this is right but i'm just saying this is the kind of war zone I grew up in is that my friends thinking it was funny, used to dip eggs in Nair and throw them at people. And we would get hit with eggs filled with Nair. I got hit with an egg in sixth grade that had Nair on it. I had a bald spot on the back of my head for a year. I look like a balding 50 year old guy who just got divorced, but I'm, meanwhile, I'm in sixth grade and sister Almeria is like, you know, what is wrong with your head? I'm like, I got hit with an egg with an air. She was like, well, you should have been walking down Myrtle Avenue on Halloween.

That's what do you want me to tell you? Even, you know, even the nuns knew. And now, you know, my 10-year-old, you know, stepson for Halloween, I was like, you want to go throw eggs? And then I, you know, I opened up the refrigerator. He's like, these eggs are cage free. We can't waste them. I'm like, go to your room. Just go to your room. You know, I'm trying to get arrested with you. It's so true. Just toughening up our kids is half the battle. But

you do look around. It does feel like it's not the worst time ever to live in America for sure. But man, have we ever been weaker? I just feel like we're so we are so weak. And we kowtow to people, anybody who complains about anything, they get their way. Like it used to be like toughen up. Now it's like, well, how can I make your life better? And the reason I'm raising it is because just a story on our crazy PC culture, California prisons. Now Governor Newsom out there, he just signed a law saying if you are a male in a male prison or a female in a female prison and you self-identify as someone of the opposite sex. Now, that's all I just have to say. I'm actually no longer a male. I'm a female. You you have the right to move prisons. And there

so far have been they just enacted this thing. Two hundred and sixty one prisoners have said I'm in the opposite body. You know, I'm a male, secretly female or vice versa. And of those two hundred and fifty five are guys who want to move to women's prisons. And they are. And the article's like some female prisoners are afraid some making the claims may be doing so under false pretenses. You think not one has been think? Not one has been rejected. Not one. I mean, could you imagine you're doing 10 years in prison, 50, like a major prison sentence, and they tell all you have to do to go to the women's jail to say identify as a woman? I mean, I would tuck it back like Buffalo Bill immediately. I'd be in my cell like it likes

to put the lotion on. Look at me. This is the real me. I mean, I come out full mangina because, of course, I mean, it's listen. Here's the thing, too. Like I had I have a podcast called Chrissy Chaos and my wife's uncle. He's transgendered. He was in prison for 25 years. His name is T.T. Jerry. And we just we just had him on the podcast. And it was it was great. And he being a transgender person in prison, he had a lot of interesting things to say when he came out. Cause he's like 25 years. He was like, you know, he's like, I come out. He's like, and when I went into prison, you know, he was like, it was very rare to see a transgender person. He was like, even in, in prison in the, in the eighties and

early nineties, he was like, I was one of maybe five transgender people in the entire prison. He's like, as the years go on, more and more transgender people start to come in. He's like, and then I come out of prison, everybody's transgendered. He was like, which, he's like, look, I don't know. Like people do what they want to do and act how they want to act. That's fine.

He was like, but he was like, I feel like it's a rare thing to be transgender. Not like a thing that like so many people have. And he was like, I just don't understand like the kids, like he had a, what he said, he was like, he was like, I almost feel like, like the younger people, like they're going like, like when they used to go like goth and like, you know, be like, fuck you, dad, I'm going to go goth. Like they're just rebelling against their parents, but now they're rebelling against their parents by cutting off their genitalia. So he's like, you know, my kind of thing is like, look, here's my rule. Like, I think if you're, if you want to go transgender, whatever people want to do, I mean, celebrate who you are. I'm all about that. Like, I'm all about like living with everyone and live amongst each other. But it's like, if you, if you are allowing your child to go transgender under 18, when they're over 18, they make decisions, whatever they'd like to do. But if you're going to let your kid go transgender when they're younger than 18,

then you have to go transgender too as the parent. That should be the rule. If you're allowing that, then you got to do it too. I'm not going to even let my kid take medicines that I wouldn't taste first. You think I'm going to let her transform her body? No, no, no, no. If she wants to do it at 15, fine, but make no mistake, I'm going to go get that surgery first and be like, here's how it is. Let's try this on. Let's try that on. It feels good to be trans kind of thing. Well, it's, it's, it's very scary because, you know, as Abigail Schreier has been pointing out in her book, irreversible damage, which everyone should read, anybody should read that kid or no kid. Um, I feel like I have that from the first three minutes of this podcast, Megan, irreversible damage for you telling me I'm a Nazi.

I get that a lot from many of my guests, actually. So if you're a girl who says, actually, I identify more as a boy and you decide to go on puberty blockers so you don't sort of develop breasts and so on. And then you go directly from puberty blockers to testosterone, like actual cross gender hormones. You're infertile. You're you're any chance of having a child is over for you. I feel like it's so irresponsible of these parents and these therapists, the psychiatrists, all the medical community. Their only standard is to affirm. And by the way, now the lawsuits are starting against them as these kids, 90 percent of whom would have grown out of it if you just left them alone, are getting into their 20s and realizing, I was abused by these people who forced me into what I thought was a phase becoming my lifelong decision. Yeah, of course. Parents are now, you know, certain parents are like more afraid of being reprimanded

by society and being, you know, having society mad at them than their own children. It's like, listen, I don't care. It'd be like, whatever, when you're in this house, I understand people want to do what they want to do in kids. But it's like, you know, I wanted to do things before I was like, my mother wouldn't let me get a driver's license before I was 18, even though I could get it at six, she just wouldn't let me do it. And I was like, mad at her or whatever. And then one of my friends died in a car accident when we were 17. And she was like, you see, like, this is, your guys aren't ready yet. I don't care what the state says, you're not ready.

So I didn't really get my license till I was 19. And I kind of looking back, I'm like, wow, she, I'm not, you know, she like took me out of a dangerous situation. But now parents are just bowing down to the children. And it's this thing of like, kind of like, you know, putting pressure on everybody to like, do what, you know, the woke crowd wants you to do, because here's the thing, I think like with people being woke, I think it initially started as a good thing. I think like,

you know, recognizing our differences or recognizing like, Hey, certain groups are not being treated fairly. All that stuff was positive, but like anything else, there's an over-correction now. And now the same people who are saying like, be so woke, they're silencing everybody. So now it's, it's what, like, it's the extreme now, like the extremely liberal people are actually acting more conservative because they are saying, Hey, if you don't agree with everything I say right now, fuck you, you're out. And so it went like, I'm somebody, I'm Chrissy centrist, I'm in the center and I just lean a little left.

That's how I describe myself, center, but I just lean a little left. But to a real liberal person, I'm fully on the right fascist nut job. So now that center is fully conservative right right? So, and I feel like these things are happening like right under our noses. I feel two things that have happened like right under our noses where like, wow, like this is really scary is one, the American flag. I mean, the symbolism of the American flag in 2001 after 9-11, especially me in New York City,

if you did not have an American flag outside your house or on your car or tattooed on your body, you might as well have just been in Al-Qaeda because people like you need to support America. Now in 2021, if you have an American flag on your car, outside your house or tattooed on your body, they think you're a racist piece of shit because they associate it with, I'm sure, Donald Trump and Republicans. And so and these this symbolism changed so quickly. And I'm like, how did this happen? I grew up in New York City around every culture diversity. I mean, it's impossible to be racist in New York. You're going to get on the train and see the group you hate immediately. So you better just love everybody and make fun of everybody. And to be honest with you, my friend group was, we had somebody from every background. My friend group was like a fucking community college. You had people, I mean, you know, black, Latino, Asian, we would all make cultural jokes about each other. That's the way we could trust each other where I was like, Oh, we're all cool. And we're, but now

there's this movement to silence those jokes and silence those people. And the people who want us, the people who talk about equality the most and want equalness for everyone are the people that silence the most people. So you really don't want equality. You want whatever your agenda you're trying to push forward. That's what you want. You want everyone to bow to that by silencing everybody else. So stop saying you want equality. You want us to think and act exactly like you. And you know that we always find out that the loudest voices who are trying to cancel somebody have something in their past that they're ashamed of or that's going to come out because now people are getting smart in these culture wars. And if you're pushing to cancel somebody, they're going to look into your background. You're going to get

it. And to be perfectly honest, I'm in favor of that. And I'm also in favor of doing it to these corporate executives. That's fine. Go ahead. We'll all live by the rules that you set. Like ABC, they want to cancel Chris Harrison and The Bachelor. OK, fine. Let's take a look at the top three executives at ABC who made that decision.

And let's let's take a deep dive into their history that we have to get some corporate skin in the game so that these guys don't feel so empowered just to ruin lives willy nilly. Right. I agree with you 100 percent. Every single time I'm I've been feeling this for years now, every single time somebody tweets something out, I'm always like, you know, trying to cancel someone. I'm like, oh, motherfucker, you better be squeaky clean, because if you can go ahead, you can camp someone. But that light is going to turn around and shine on you because you know what I think it is. Something I was thinking about is like wokeness again, you know, the overcorrect of wokeness, you know, again, the people who are being extreme with the wokeness, not the initial stuff of, hey, you know, we need to understand that the reason why certain groups are our country is because of the history of them being systemically held down. I get all that. And I get how there's issues with that. But then when the extreme wokeness comes out, those people are bullies. Being woke like that, extremely woke, is just a new form of bullying. And that's why when you look back at

their tweets from 10 years ago, they have racist tweets or sexist tweets because they've always been bullies. They're just disguising it now in being woke and trying to cancel people. So but they've always been the bully. That's why I mean, you know, it's it's one of those things where if you just pay attention, you see it. That's why I feel fortunate to grow up in New York City and get hit a lot because I had a very street smart father. And my father's all about, hey, I don't trust you. Here's why. You always got to look for them. You always got to look for the deceitful fucks out there. That's what he always say. So I feel like I can spot them. I can spot them, you know, because I'm like, oh, I know that you're just you're hiding something.

If you're putting time and energy into ruining somebody else's life, that's because you don't want us to look at the things in your life that would ruin your life. That's right. Or you're feeling so you feel like it's cover for whatever you've done. You know, like you can say, no, I'm not racist. Look, look, you know, I know there was that one tweet, but I've spent my life, you know, trying to rectify racism wherever I see it. It's like they think it's an insurance policy. And really, it's just disgusting. Coming up next, probably my favorite exchange of the interview, Chris on his dad, who is one of the most colorful characters

I think we've had discussed on this show ever. And let me just say, I need to meet him. That's in a second. One second. But first this. I like the stories about your dad because it's like, don't. So trust no one. The world is a dangerous place.

You need to get punched in the face. We've got a different way. But I like this because it toughens kids up. Well, it toughens kids up. And he would always tell me, you'll understand life. You'll start enjoying life when you understand life isn't fair. So get over it. He would always tell me that like, Chris, Chris, it's not fair.

Like, what do you think? Like, he's like, this is a big game. Like, it's not fair. You just do the best you can. He's like, you know, and even like with entertainment, he would, you know, that's why I feel so fortunate to have a family that I can like just fall back into them. It's like, okay, then cancel

me. I'll just go. I have a doctorate degree in physical therapy. I'll go back to being a pediatric physical therapist and just playing with my family every day. It's like, I'm doing comedy because it's cathartic and I love to do it. And I also, you know, just for me, I like to just get it out and get, you know, like, I feel like when I'm in the comedy club or the comedy theater, this, this, this is like a, I think going to a comedy show is a nice litmus test for society. And I have to tell you, even, you know, as it's opening up now after quarantine, every time I go into a comedy room and do comedy, it's, it's my fans. I'm, I'm, you know, happy to say are very culturally diverse fans. I have all different walks of life that come to the show. They're always laughing in unison. Somebody who looks white, black, Asian, Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, whatever, they're just laughing in unison at the jokes. I'm like, I've actually made a decision,

and I know some people would be like, whoa, don't do that, to try to be less informed because I want to be happy in my life. And the more informed, quote unquote, I am, the more stuff I watch, I'm like, oh my God, I'm taking in all these problems from every pocket of the world in the country. But I woke up today, my family was happy and healthy and they were eating. And I looked outside and everybody was okay. And I was having a good day until I turned on the news. And now it's like, oh my God, the koala bears are dying in Australia. What am I going to do? I just had Jordan Peterson on the show and he's just written his second book, Now it's like, oh, my God, the koala bears are dying in Australia. What am I going to do? I just had Jordan Peterson on the show, and he's just written his second book,

the follow up to 12 Rules of Life. This one's called Beyond Order. And he and I read it and it was basically talking about what is the meaning in life? That's what people are searching for. And he was saying, and this is my very condensed version, do something, take on responsibility like and the harder, the better. It should be hard. Don't, don't take the easy way out. And family, family's everything, a spouse, children, like there's no impugning that choice because it will bring, you know, returns to you that you can never get in any other way. And I do think too much involvement in the news and

the hard news and the daily iterations of news, it can be depressing because it pulls you away from those things in large part. You know, it's like family is what matters and the bigger picture. And are you doing something to change the world in a way that's important? Making people laugh, bringing joy to them. That's that's huge. That's I mean, physical therapy with children, which I know is what you did is also big, but making people laugh, especially now is equally, if not bigger. Yeah, it is. And that, and, and I do, I feel that. And that's why it gets, it's nerve wracking at times, not only because I understand what people say, like in the media or whatever on social media, like try to silence comedians and jokes and all that stuff. But, but really the people,

at least in my field in comedy, are not being canceled, quote unquote, by the media. They're being canceled by their own peers. That's the scariness is comedians calling out other comedians because they don't have, you know, the success, you know, so-and-so has. So they're like, oh, the way that I can get successful and get people to look at me is if I tweet out something about a joke that offended me, you know, from, from my comedian peer. So it's really other comedians are doing it. And it's, it's what, you know, we would sit, you know, and before the pandemic in the back of the comedy cellar, which is where I always am in New York city. And, you know, you, you know,

a lot of, you know, in comedy cellar, it's like, that's a premier club. Like anybody you've ever heard of comes through the comedy cellar. It's, it's a big, big club and you know, all the best of the best people come through there in New York. And you know, you would be listening to, you know, some comedian celebrity who's out there like trying to cancel someone. And we'd be being like, dude, if they only knew the truth about this fucking scumbag piece of shit about the things we've heard so-and-so say at this comedy seller booth, you know, but I'm not going to go tweet and try to ruin somebody's life. My whole thing is like, listen, I don't need to get involved. If somebody is really scum and is hiding things, it's going to come out whether I tweet it or not.

I think the issues that I think the big plagues we have in our country right now, everyone likes to talk about obesity and all those things. And that is a problem. But narcissism and insecurity, those two things are, I mean, the narcissism in our country is so insane where I'm like, wow, even like, you know, like everybody reads one article and they think now they're an expert at this thing that they read one article about when it's like, no, no, no, no. People go to school, graduate, get doctor degrees and whatever to become experts in this field. You what? You Googled one thing. It's like, buddy, you work for FedEx. Stop telling me what the vaccine is going to do to me or what's going to happen if this if, you know, if the Supreme Court sways this way, it's

like you have where do I sign for the fucking package? OK, that's what I because. But these narcissists come out and they think, oh, I read two articles and then they're spewing their opinions. I mean, even it's scary because once it's starting to hit like medical professionals, like a couple of months ago, my daughter, I got a five-year-old daughter. I took her to the pediatrician and she needed her updated vaccine shots, whatever for like children's vaccines. And the doctor like so cautiously, he was like, I just want to let you know, sir, that her updated vaccines are ready. It is totally 100% your choice if you would like to get her vaccinated. I'm like, why is that my choice, guy? I went to fucking Nassau Community College. Why is that my choice? I'm the dad. I'm here to hold her down and you light her up with mumps, rubella,

whatever else you got back there. I'm not a doctor. I'm a doctor in physical therapy. It's like, I can massage your hamstrings. Like what you're like, I didn't have a choice when I was a child on the vaccine. That's like, I woke up one day, I was, you know, seven, eight years old.

I thought me and my mom were going to go get ice cream or play in the park, but she took me to the doctor and they just injected polio into my veins. I just got hit with polio. Can I tell you something? So my mom was a nurse and she worked at a doctor's office when I was little and she used to bring the needle home. And I have distinct memories of her chasing me around our 1970s, like red, black, white, weird flower pattern couch and me running, just running, trying to avoid it. And then she'd get me.

She stabbed me with it. You don't recover from that, Chris. No, you don't recover from that. No, I know. And I kind of, you know, like now it's like, you know, I'll have my 10 year old telling me about, you know, medical science that he's, you know, seeing videos in TikTok. I'm like, if you're if the doctor is dancing in a TikTok video, fucking get they should have their license revoked. If you're a professional, if you have a license to something and you dance about it on TikTok, I am a proponent of taking your license away.

So I want to follow up on life is not fair. Your dad's very good message. It isn't. And that's lost as well. Now, of course, it's all about equal outcomes for everyone or the whole system sucks. The system's unfair, systemically racist and bad in other ways, unless we have perfectly equal outcomes, which is not possible and Georgia changed its voting law. It tightened it in some ways and it made it easier in other ways for people to vote. And there's been a Democratic freak out that's based not in fact at all. And, you know, the premise is you're trying to make it harder for African-Americans to vote. It's not true. It's just it isn't true at all. And the way the vote actually, you know, the restrictions actually came out. And now the irony is Atlanta, which is where it's being pulled from, the game, this is the MLB All-Star game, is 52% black. They're moving the game we now know to Denver,

which is 80% white, 9.8% black. Nearly 30% of the businesses in Atlanta are black owned. And Georgia, which again, has a lot of black owned businesses, is losing about $100 million as a result of this, according to the better business bureau down there. So you, you got a situation where they're trying to make it more equal, but of course the people they wind up hurting are the very people they claim to want to be supporting. And this, while the commissioner Rob Manfred, who by the way, is a member at Augusta national,

right in, in Georgia, which has got its own allegedly racist history. This is what the Democrats have been saying for years. But he's a member there. But he's going to stand up to racism by moving this game. Right. But this guy, you look at his own history and you look at where he's doing business like Marco Rubio just wrote him a letter saying, oh, this is wonderful. I look forward to your announcement that you're going to stop doing business with China that's now engaged in ethnic genocide. It didn't say you can't be served food and water while you're in the line by a partisan. By the way, if you're if you're in line in a Georgia voting in a Georgia voting line, you can get served food and water as long as somebody

doesn't have a partisan affiliation or T-shirt on and you can bring your own. But they're not forcing sterilization on the people waiting in the Georgia voting lines like China is with whom MLB is just fine doing business. I mean, it's just insane. It's insane. It's one of those things where, again, it's like when my five-year-old is trying to argue with me and then I prove that I'm right

because I'm the adult in the room, she sticks her fingers in her ears and starts stomping. That's exactly what happens with these grown adults And I prove that I'm right because I'm the adult in the room. She sticks her fingers in her ears and starts stomping. That's exactly what happens with these grown adults who, when you say, okay, but Rob Manfred, yeah, what about Augusta National? He'll just, you know, he'll, as an adult through his lawyers, pretty much put his fingers in his ears and start stomping and be like, no, no, no. Because that's the thing. You make this move because you're just getting pressure put on you by, you know, the radical.

It's radical. And when I say I'm not one of these people that's like, I hate liberals. I told you I'm in the center and I lean left. But there's a sect that are radical left. And those people are I'm telling you, it's almost like in Game of Thrones when that one season in Game of Thrones where the religious fanatics took charge of the kingdom and they had Queen Cersei walking naked while the peasants were throwing shit at her. Shame. That's what's happened. I feel like the radical left are those religious fanatics from Game of Thrones where it's like, you really, the truth is, it's like, okay, yeah, you're you're making us, you know, repent for our sins. But, you know, you got you got little children in your closet that, you know, like you're you're you're the most disgusting person.

And you're shielding that by saying, oh, look at all look at all these problems that everyone else is having. But not me. I'm the savior. And as soon as I saw that Rob Manfred thing, as soon as they took that game out of Atlanta, I said, well, they better put it. Atlanta is our most African-American dominated city. They better put that they better put that game like in. They better put it somewhere. They better stay in the deep south or better go to some African-American dominated. Nine point eight percent black. I mean, give me a break. And by the way, Colorado requires photo ID to vote in person, requires signature verification for mail-in ballots, which by the way, Georgia doesn't, doesn't require signature verification

for mail-in ballots. Colorado also prevents campaign workers from giving food or water to voters within a hundred feet of the polling station if they're wearing campaign apparel. So, and Colorado requires voter ID to vote in person. Colorado has fewer early vote days than Georgia. So I have no idea why they moved it to Colorado, but I don't buy their moral preening. And if you want to, and like the states are different. Each one has its own different requirements, right? You can't have a perfectly equal or similar voting system in each state because of federalism. And they know that. So why did they move it? It's basically just an attempt to kowtow to the loudest voices. And apparently there were 50 members of like a Black Players Association. It wasn't even all of them. It was like 50 members

of Black Players Association that leaned on MLB. Well, they don't speak for all of the fans, black, white and otherwise. Right. It's just the heckler's veto. It's small. It's always these small groups. I would think I would think whatever there is in in in America, 350, 360 million people, however many here, 95 percent of them don't care that the game is in Atlanta because of the voting loss, like majority overwhelming majority don't care. But the small, in Atlanta because of the voting loss. Like overwhelming majority don't care, but the smallest group that are the loudest on social media, they're not the loudest in the physical world. Again, none of these people are gonna go

to Rob Manfred's office and demand anything. None of these people are gonna say anything to their neighbors in the physical realm. It's all on Twitter because to me, again, it's all narcissism. It's all, oh, here's now being a victim. Being a victim now is like currency. It's literally, that's how you get value. Forget about money. Forget about Bitcoin. How many victim dollars am I going to get? Because it's like, okay,

I didn't get something. Now I'm stopping my feet. What can I do? All right. Now I could say I'm a victim. Now I can just turn around and be like, okay, I'm a victim. And now give me things, give me things, give me things. And it just continues to happen. I'm telling you, there's a big part of me and maybe I sound like a kook or maybe I'll be proven right in a few years. I don't know. But I genuinely think 95 plus percent of the people you're arguing with on Twitter or social media are bots. Specifically, I think they're Russian bots. I think we're at World War III already. We're not going to invade Moscow. They're not going to invade us. It's not going to happen anymore. We got mutually assured destruction with the nukes. I think it's this type of warfare where

it's like divide from within and it's all happening on social media. I think these Russian bots come, they divide us from within. They have all these... Because if you look at some type of divisive tweet, 20 different accounts that all look like regular American people are tweeting the exact same thing, word for word, copy and paste, dividing and dividing and dividing. But there are real leftists. And I don't even know what that term means anymore. I mean, none of my liberal friends supports this BS.

It's like one sort of angry, sad, little insecure group on the left that's very loud, far left, radical left, whatever you want to call it. But they're the ones. They're the enemies. They're the enemies of the people. But they're real and they're out there. And it's not just them. Look at Joe Biden. Joe Biden was out there leading the calls that the Georgia law is Jim Crow 2.0, right?

Comparing the use of fire hoses to the requirement that you present a voter ID in order to vote and exercise your right, right? It doesn't even have to be a license. And I was like very heartened to see Charles Barkley, who always speaks sense about these issues. I mean, I guess he's rich enough and he's just comfortable enough in his own skin that he's willing to speak out against what's become this conventional wisdom on race and all these divisions. And he called out the politicians who were using this stuff to divide us. Here's the soundbite. Man, I think most white people and black people are great people. I really believe that in my heart. But I think our system is set up where our politicians, whether they're Republicans or Democrats, are designed to make us not like each other

so they can keep their grasp of money and power. They divide and conquer. I truly believe in my heart most white people and black people are awesome people, but we're so stupid following our politicians, whether they're Republicans or Democrats. And their only job is, hey, let's make these people not like each other. We don't live in their neighborhoods. We're all got money.

Let's make the whites and blacks not like each other. Let's make rich people and poor people not like each other. Let's scramble the middle class. I truly believe that in my heart. Love that. I agree. When I was I was watching that live, I was like 100 percent Charles Barkley. And that needed to come. That needed to come from, of course, a black man or a white man or any other buddy, non-black can't say that.

But Charles Barkley can say that. And I know that, you know, yes, he's got money and I know he's, you know, quote unquote, had a privileged life because of his hard work. He was worked his ass off to get that. People think like, oh, you're privileged. It's like, what are you talking about? You've got to work hard to get what you want. And Barkley did that. And I think him saying that goes a long way.

And again, on Twitter, I know like... And guess what? On Twitter, when I looked at the tweets, if you're saying they're not Russian bots, fine, Megan, I'll believe you. If you're saying they're not Russian bots, I believe you. But most of the people on Twitter who had negative things to say to Charles Barkley about that were white. They, cause it's always white people just being like, Oh, you know, like it's always usually like, Oh yeah. Like I'm, I'm fighting for you. It's like, dude, you figure out your own shit. It's like if I was black or not white, I'd be like, why are all these white people like just I that's another thing.

I don't trust a white person that all of a sudden wants to champion everybody else's, you know, rights and get out there and make a difference. I'm like, what are you hiding now? Because really, in reality, these people, nonwhites can figure things out when you're a victim of adversity. It's like you work your ass off to overcome that adversity. That's so I would be like, what? So now you're just going to give me things because I'm another race. You know, it's like, so what? So now what? So now I'm basically cheat. You're basically cheating for me and like rigging the game for me. I'd be like, no, I want to work for it and get it just the way you got it. That's equality is we're all starting at, you know, may the best person win. You know, that's, that's what it is. And then, yeah. And we help each other. Like I help your brother, your sister, no matter what they look

like to get to where they need to go, but don't rig the game for them. That's not equality. That's making them feel worse. I would imagine that would make me, if I was a nonwhite person, that would make me feel worse. I'm like, wait a second. It would be infuriating. It would be infuriating. And unfortunately, I don't think that in the same way I think most trans people are not really represented by these very, very loud trans activists. They don't care if you say your pronouns. They don't care. They just want to be left alone.

They want to be respected. They want to get the same job opportunities. Very reasonable. And they don't care about want to say black people can't handle math. They can't handle proper English. Like we saw the message sent from Rutgers University that says you can't really require or expect that of the black population. It's ridiculous and it's offensive. All right, wait, I want to shift gears with you because I wanted to ask you what you thought about where we are in COVID. Some of these states now, some of these more red states are opening up, like stopping the mask mandates, not restricting businesses anymore. And one of them is Texas.

And the National Review, Jim Garrity actually just took a really interesting look at, he's like, I'm waiting, waiting for the Texas apocalypse, right? Because most of us are sick of these damn masks and all the restrictions on us. And here's what he reports. As of March 9th, the day before their mask mandate ended, Texas had, I'm gonna surround the numbers, 5,000 new cases of COVID. Now, after, about a month after the mask mandate was lifted, they have 2,900 new cases of COVID.

The number's gone significantly down. Back March 9th, the seven-day average for new cases was about 4,000. Now it's 2,800. Back then, they had 126,000 active cases of COVID. Now it's 96,000. Back then, the seven-day average for new deaths was 104. Now it's eight. So the apocalypse hasn't come. And yet the only reporting you see is where numbers have gone up and how irresponsible people are. And you know what? The numbers have gone up in places like New York, which is a highly populated area.

But we still have our masks on. We're still doing all the restrictions and no one seems to know what they're doing. Yeah, I agree. I think, you know, even me being out here in, you know, Los Angeles, I've been in Los Angeles for a month, you know, I got to stay here for another couple of months. And it's actually the word I'd use to describe the COVID out here is hysteria. It's genuine hysteria. I mean, mask, face shield. If I'm walking, you know, I'm doing a hosting a TV show out here and it's like I'm we're in a COVID bubble.

We get tested every day and all this stuff. But you still if you're walking from the set to the to the other set, which is all outdoors, by the way, you have to have a mask, a face shield and goggles. It's like and you know, and and a gown. I do. I swear I look like I'm walking out of fucking Chernobyl to go film a TV show when I'm like, nobody has covid here. We just you just told me nobody has covid. And also 80 percent of the staff working on the show are vaccinated three weeks post vaccination. So all the health experts are saying if you're vaccinated, you can't pass it and you can't get it and all these things. And I'm like, okay, so then why, why is everybody wearing the mask and the face shields? Or my, here's what I know is, is, is listen, I understand COVID was, it was real, is real. You know, we, we know that, but, but the people who had the bad,

at least in my friend group, I'll say who had the really bad reactions to COVID, I could have told you they were going to have a bad reaction to COVID two years ago because they're the most nervous people that are like sheep just listening to everything the newscasters tell them to do. They do. And they all had bad reactions. My friends who were just more like, yeah, whatever. If I get it, I get it. We're sick for a day and then got out. And then and then we're just OK. Now, I'm not saying, you know, COVID is not real and you shouldn't take it seriously. You should. I'm saying there's a mental component to all this stuff. I think the people that sit that are like glued to the TV and are, you know, taking pictures because let's hear again. That's more narcissism. What about all these people take posting selfies of themselves with a mask on sitting in the middle of the park being like, just got my second vaccine shot. It's like, you're not saying that to spread.

You're saying that because you want us everybody to be like, look at how great so-and-so is look at how great you are. Oh my God, you're the best person ever. So even you getting the vaccine is for your own narcissistic idea. You're not trying to save your grandparents. I love the people that were like, Oh, you know, even people tweeting at me, you know, I was, when I started doing standup shows again, they're like, it's not about you, Chris, you're young and healthy. But like, what if you kill your grandpa? I'm like, my grandpa's racist. I

thought we were trying to get rid of the racist. I mean, my grandpa fought in World War Two. He still to this day doesn't use chopsticks because he thinks the Japanese are the enemy. I mean, stop trying to play pretend like you want me to protect this guy. I love the stories about your grandpa they literally make me laugh out loud you're talking about how you can tell it but like how that he was allegedly in the mafia that he shows up at world war ii like i'll put all the i'll make it look like an accident i'll take them out i'll make it all look like it looked like an accident yeah and i always just was fascinated because like i knew like, you know, he again, you know, was in and out of prison when I was a kid, too.

And we always knew like was, you know, he was one of that's the thing when people like, oh, you know, you know who my uncle is. You know who my father is. I'm like, probably nobody, because if they were somebody, you wouldn't be popping off about it. You wouldn't be so proud of it. You would just keep your mouth shut because that's what you were taught to do. And what my grandpa was kind of like that guy, you know, we'd go to these restaurants, you know, Bomonti's in Brooklyn, you know, Gargiulio's in Coney Island. And my grandpa, you know, my grandpa's just sitting there, you know, back against the wall, looking around people, you know, saying hello to him. And it was so much fun. And I was always like, you know, but like, he was like not a mafia boss or anything like that, but he felt like a guy who was like in charge. And I would always think about like,

even when I was a teenager, like, you know, if this guy was in world war two, like he probably had like a lot of problems, like taking instructions from like the generals, like, you know,

like, you know, like the general would be like, come on, you know, he would just show up to the battle, like no gun. He's just like in a wife beater with a saw stain,

you know, just a fucking baseball bat just on the beaches of Normandy. Like, what do you want me to do? Fucking kill people. That's what I do. You know, like I, so, but that, and look, even like my own family, like it's, it's tough for me at times to, you know, try to put myself in other people's shoes, you know, because my family, I just came from like a very tough family and even me like doing comedy and like following my dream. Like my family just thinks I'm like a wuss for that.

You know, like my father will like heckle me at my show. He's like, yeah, he's like, look at you with the microphone. You like long objects by your mouth, right, Chrissy? I'm like, dad, please, please. Like my own father heckling me. But like, you know, and even like my cousin, I have a cousin who grew up in the same house to me. You know, she was one of three female firefighters in her graduating class, FDNY firefighters. And she's like the toughest person I know. I remember when we were 17 years old,

I was 17, 18 years old. I was coming home, you know, it was the middle of the day. I'm coming home and there's police cars and an ambulance outside my house. So I start running down the block. I'm like, Oh my God, like did something happen to my family? And I see a guy laying in our driveway with two broken arms, like screaming in pain. They were handcuffed. The police were handcuffing his ankles. I was like, what happened? And my cousin comes out and she's like, this motherfucker tried to break into our house. So I threw him out the window. I was like, Holy shit. She threw a girl, threw him out the window. So sometimes when I hear like, you know, some of

the things that go on, like, you know, like, uh, with like, you know, people being like, so like dainty about certain subjects. I'm like the woman and women in my family throw burglars out the window. So it's hard for me to be like, oh, I felt uncomfortable with his words. I'm like, well, if my cousin felt uncomfortable with your words, you would have a broken bone in your body. Coming up next, we're going to talk to Chris about Hunter Biden and his on-camera denials about his laptop, which were laughable. Chris has got nothing on Hunter Biden because he was hilarious in his interview on CBS. It was outrageous and we'll get to it. And we're also going to hear a very funny story about Jazzy in an elevator.

Bottom line, don't mess with her. If she's doing something in an elevator you don't like or don't approve of, keep your mouth shut. We'll do that in one second. But first, I want to bring you a feature we have here on The Megyn Kelly Show called You Can't Say That or Be That or Think That. Oh, wait, this is America. And the subject of today is a woman I mentioned the other day on the show when I was talking to Candace Owen, Sarah Paulson. She is an actress and she is learning the lesson that even though you may be part of the LGBTQ crowd, you may be progressive,, and woke. You can never be woke enough. The crowd will turn on you if you just bend or break one of their rules. Now, you may know this actress from The People vs. O.J. Simpson. She played Marsha Clark, American Horror Story, or Game Change. She's been

in a lot of stuff. She's successful. You definitely know her face if you saw her. And she has said that she doesn't actually like to be defined as gay or lesbian or bisexual, but she has previously been engaged to a man. And for the last several decades, she's been in long-term relationships with women. First, Cherry Jones, and then now Holland Taylor, who I loved from The Practice. Do you remember? I think she was Judge Kittleson, and she was so good. She was beautiful and tough. And she had an affair with Jimmy. Remember this? I'm dating myself, but that's a great show. If you're looking for something to watch, go back and watch The Practice from start to finish. Great way to burn the time. Anyway, so Sarah Paulson's LGBT, but she does not have her pronouns in her Twitter bio. So one rando on

Twitter demanded that she correct that immediately, writing to her, put your pronouns in your bio. It's not that hard. So obnoxious, right? To which Paulson fired back, it's also not that hard for you to not tell me what to do. I mean, pretty benign, pretty milquetoast as responses go. Well, you know how it goes. You can't say that. Some on Twitter started telling her to shut up, saying how disappointed they were in her. She's not being an ally. And then others started calling her a TERF, trans exclusionary radical feminist, which any woman who stands up to the sort of loudest, meanest trans representatives gets called. And I say again, these trans representatives do not speak for the trans community. I don't either, but I

know enough trans people to know that they're not behind this crazy lunacy. By the way, TERF, that term is the same thing that the radical woke crazies on Twitter called JK Rowling of Harry Potter fame when she was being criticized for comments she made about the trans community. And you know who was one of them? One of the ones criticizing J.K. Rowling? Sarah Paulson! Doesn't matter how many chips you put into that bank, people. You never have a big enough account to save you when the mob turns on you. It wasn't enough. Paulson, well, she needs to be

cancelled, according to the mob, because she's refusing to be bullied into putting her pronouns into her stupid Twitter bio, something about which absolutely zero sane people care. That's the thing, folks. You must say she or her. And if you say no and don't tell me what to do, you can't say that. Back to Chris DiStefano right after this. This is like the theme of our interview, as it turns out, like just toughening up our kids and toughening up ourselves. And I was thinking that very thing when the elusive Hunter Biden finally took to the airwaves this weekend.

You know, where's Hunter? Well, he's sitting down with CBS News and he was on CBS this morning, this past Sunday. And it was just as outlandish as you would expect. Clearly, this guy needed somebody to be tougher on him. You know, old Joe, he needed to be mined in the shop there a bit because Hunter did not turn out the way any family member wants one's child to. And finally got asked a bit about the damn laptop, which is a story, even though it was suppressed. The New York Post reporting on it was suppressed by Facebook and Twitter, completely eliminated as false. And it's 100 percent true. It's what their reporting has been verified, notwithstanding what Hunter Biden is saying. And you got to hear the soundbite of this guy

weasel like dodging and weaving when the reporter asks him about it. Listen, was that your laptop? For real? I don't know. I know, but you know that this is- I really don't know what the answer is. You don't know, yes or no, if the laptop was yours? I don't have any idea. I have no idea. So it could have been yours. Of course, certainly. There could be a laptop out there that was stolen from me. There could

be that I was hacked. It could be that it was Russian intelligence. It could be that it was stolen from me. And you didn't drop off a laptop to be repaired in Delaware? Not that I remember at all, at all. So we'll see. That sounds like exactly like a guy like getting caught,

like DMing a woman, like by his wife, like that's the exact playbook is like, it could have been Russian intelligence. It wasn't me. My, my account was hacked. That is not my phone. That is not my laptop. I did not DM that woman. Like that's literally exactly what that sounded like that. And I love, I love the treatment. And I know people have said this, I'm sure a lot, but it's like the treatment Hunter Biden is getting you like nobody, like this is just like washed away where it's like, dude, I mean, this guy literally like, you know, is the president's son, you know, like doing crack like, you know, you know, all these issues, you know, the emails and doing shady deals.

But everyone's like, no, nothing to see here. No, there's a bunch of alleged crimes on that laptop, according to the reporting that's been out there, suppressed, but out there, a bunch of alleged crimes. So whether it's his matters, it's important. And I realize, you know, they say his book very powerfully gets into his massive drug problem. Great, great. But you're not a spokesman for anything because you're not a truth teller, Hunter Biden. So I don't believe a word you say. I don't believe anything in your, I was just talking about this when it comes to Meghan Markle. There's a saying in the law, it's Latin, falsus in uno, falsus in omnibus. And it means you tell a lie about one thing,

the jury's entitled to disregard everything you say. And you can get this jury instruction in some districts. And it's the same thing with him. You you obviously are a liar. You're a liar, an actual truth teller. Let me tell you an actual truth teller sounds. Is that your laptop? No. You're sure? I'm positive. It's like there's no no one's confused about whether they've lost a laptop that became the source of a massive national news story that became potentially, if it had been released, a threat to their father's presidential campaign. He's a freaking liar. I don't I really don't know. I don't have any idea. Well, it could be this. But bull, bull, bull. I know. Even I you know, it's funny, you know, my father, even my dad, just for some again,

my dad's just the way his brain works. I'm like, Jesus. He's like, yeah, well, you know, the first problem is you never trust a guy named Hunter. I'm like, what? What do you what? What does that mean? Because he doesn't have a real fucking name. That's not a real name. Like I have a cousin in my family on my father's side. She named her son Mason. And my dad like can't get over it. He's like this fucking stupid kid's name. And even when I said to her, even when I said to my cousin, I'm like, why? Like, we come from an old school Italian family in Brooklyn, like Mason and my father. My father just calls him Angelo. To be honest with you, my dad just calls this kid Angelo. He's like, Angelo, have your soup. I'm like, his name's Mason. He's like Mason, like a fucking jar.

I'm like, yeah, like a jar. And so that that's my dad's thing is like, you know, and even my father, my father could vote because he's a felony. But if he could vote, he probably would have voted for Trump. I mean, you know, all my dad when I when the night after the election, the first I woke up to a text and my dad goes to sleep early. The first text I got from my father when he saw the news is he just text. He goes, hold on to 2024. That's what he said. I said, OK, OK, dad. But because my dad, you know, he can't vote. But he even he is like even he's like this is getting he told me this about social media in 2009. And, you know, again, my dad has got maybe a seventh grade education, but very street smart and sees the world. He said, you know, what's going to be the biggest problem for our country is this Twitter, Twitter bullshit. And I was like, why is that going to be an issue? He goes, because not everyone's supposed to be talking. Most people are just supposed to keep their mouth shut and you let

a few people talk. He's like, but the minute now everybody's running their mouth, he's like, watch, there's going to be big problems in this country because of this. And to be honest with you, he's kind of right. Like now it's like everybody is quote unquote galvanized by bullshit. And it's like, cause here's the thing. Most people don't want to read the book. Most people don't want to read a book and learn about, you know, an event in history or, or, or culture. They don't want to do it. They want to get their information in a 20 second soundbite from Tik TOK, and then go tell the world that they're informed when it's like, no, no, no, the hard work is in reading the books. And I get it. Like, you know, a factory worker in Idaho may not have the time to sit down and read a book like, you know, Sapiens or, you know, or Pride and Prejudice with Thomas Sowell. They can't read that. They don't have the time

to read that stuff. So they'll just be like, oh, well, I'm going to say whatever my favorite newscaster says, whichever, you know, whichever way I lean, you know, Fox News or CNN, whichever way I lean, I'm going to just reg way I lean, I'm gonna just regurgitate whatever that person told me to regurgitate and then go on in my world really being stupid and not informed, but thinking they're informed. It's a tricky thing. I think as a country, we need to just read more

and do our own research. And you can't be afraid because it's like, I'm telling you, at least in my community, and again, not that I need to do this, but like, if I tweet it out right now, if I tweet it out, like, you know, I, I don't think that all, I think like, if I tweeted out, hey, you know, I, I, I think that like, you know, women, you know, only women have uteruses, I'd be canceled. If I said that I would be canceled. If I said only women have uteruses, that's done. But if I tweeted, but if I tweeted, you know, Joe Biden is my N word with the, with the a nobody would care. They'd be like, oh, great. Because you said Joe Biden, but the other one is, so it's just like this bullshit where I'm like, I don't, I don't think you're allowed to say that at all. If you're a white person, that's one of the problems. Like, can I tell you honestly, just a small side, but I, I I'm totally not hip when it comes to music. I love my seventies

station on Pandora eighties, nineties, the two thousands. I love all that stuff. When you get into president music, I'm, I'm like one of those crotchety old guys with the nose hair. Like, I don't understand it. It doesn't have a melody i've become that person so i do make an effort here or there to try to just like tune into like today's hits on spotify or pandora sure sure and like it's just you know listen to it right for my kids sake i they they need to hear some modern day music and i was sitting there yesterday with my daughter we're baking some easter cookies um a little late but we did it anyway and um every other word in the in the in today's hits was the n-word i'm like oh my god it's like f-n-n-word f-n-n-word and my daughter's eyes were like the size of silver dollars i'm like

you know pause pause pause back to the 70. You never heard that in the seventies music, but you can't avoid it. Anyway, there is a double standard that you're not going to say that word, but I wish people would just stop saying it. Yeah. I would never. Yeah. I was, I was just using like an extreme example. Obviously I would never tweet that. And I, that's not, you know, and also to like, you know, I'm not, I know, like we've been saying like, oh, tough guy. Like, you know, I talk a tough game, but I'm not tough. I mean, you know, I have a psoriasis outbreak right now. Like I have rashes and creams. Like, you know, I'm not I know like we've been saying like, oh, tough guy. Like, you know, I talk a tough game, but I'm not tough. I mean, you know, I have a psoriasis outbreak right now. Like I have rashes and creams like, you know, I use I'm like antihistamines.

You know, people like let's do coke. I'm like, how about Flonase? Like, so I just talk tough, but I'm really I'm really, you know, not tough. My father, my father and family members are like very tough. But why did your dad go to prison? It was one of those things where it was like, I think it was like, it's one of those things

where he never really talked to me about it. I never really wanted to ask. I kind of don't care, you know, cause I'm like, oh, my dad's just a great guy. But I think it was like, you know, racketeering and like crimes, like, you know, like organized crime-ish, you know, bookie stuff,

like illegal gambling, things like that. Oh, it was never anything physical. How old were you when he went away? Oh, well, my dad went to prison. I think I was like I was like five years old. I was a little kid. And then he and then a lot of it happened to before I was I was born. But it's one of those things where like my dad, when it just, you know, he would be away for a little bit and then he'd come back and everything was fine. Like, I got to be honest with you. My father never missed a game of mine, never missed a huge event of mine. He was like, everybody loved him. Like he, everybody, I mean, he's still alive. Everybody loves him. It's like, cause my dad is one of those guys where if you took my dad on paper, you would be like canceled, canceled, canceled, canceled, like in this world.

But he's really his part for like the example I like to use where I was like, oh, when Hurricane Sandy happened in 2012 and wrecked the East Coast, whatever, Staten Island, where my father lives, got ransacked. And my dad lives a little bit inland. But the coastal communities, which are mostly Latino communities, were destroyed, like bungalows, small bungalow housing was like destroyed by the hurricane. And a lot of people weren't really going to help them on Staten Island. My father every day rented a U-Haul truck, would go down, help those families get their belongings into the U-Haul truck, bring it to a place that was dry and, you know, a shelter or whatever, and it helps help them settle in. And as through the course of him going down there, he met this one family house was destroyed. He brought them in

and they lived with my father for two weeks. He would take drive the kids to school, make sure that the the wife. But throughout the course of it, you know, my like the the father of the family, his name was Jose. My dad would just call him Juan. You know, the family would come in. He'd like hide the good silverware, like old school dad jokes. We're like, shut up. You know, so like, so like, but, and, you know, some, some like, you know, young woke kid would try to cancel my father for that. But it's like the actions and my dad's intentions were my dad was his action spoke way louder than his words. And that's what we should care about where Where like, you know, these people, like I said earlier in the show, these people now it's all about their words when really their actions are doing nothing. It's like, they're very loud on Twitter, but they don't do a damn thing

to help the community they're supposedly advocating for. They don't do anything for them. They just tweet all their bullshit out. So it's like, I'd rather get out there and physically help somebody make a difference. No, it's like, like MLB moving the game out of a community that's largely black and that would have really benefited the black business owners. But oh, no, I get to virtue signal. You know, your story reminded me of an old colleague of mine, a woman. She's she's married to a guy who was, quote, away, you know, allegedly, allegedly mafia connected, allegedly.

And she was telling me about one time when he was away, he called her from prison and he was like, have you ever seen that movie, The Notebook? He's like, you need to watch that movie. They show that here tonight. He goes, you see how much he loves her? That's how much I love you. I love you like that guy loves her. I'm like, this is the sweetest story.

I know. I know. It's another side. I know. I know. It's another side. I know. My dad, like, you know, like I remember, I remember, you know, being a teenager and my, my, you know, parents got divorced. My parents got divorced when I was like one, like my mother, you know, like college educated. And then my dad was a criminal.

So they got divorced like immediately. But, but my, again, my dad always, always in my life, never missed anything, was always there. And I remember my mom started dating this guy and then they broke up. And then this guy started dating a woman who lived directly across the street from where me and my mother lived. So my mother was so devastated and going through this breakup, she would sit down, like pull a chair up, up to the second floor window where we lived and look out across the street to like, see if this guy was going in and out of, you know, this new woman's house. It was like destroying my mother. My mother would like sit

and cry and all that stuff. And then, and then my dad come over, came over one day to take me to like baseball practice or something. And he sees my mother crying and I'm like 15 years old. And he comes in, he goes, uh, he goes, what's, what's going on with your mother? What's she crying about? I'm like, yeah, I remember that guy. She was dating John or whatever. I whatever I'm like uh he dumped her and now he's dating a woman across the street and he was like you're gonna do something about that I was like I'm 15 years old I have eczema what what am I gonna do about I'm I'm literally an asthmatic 15 year old with allergies and sinusitis like what am I gonna do and he goes listen I'll be right back do me a favor don't come outside so I was like oh shit well now I'm definitely gonna come outside. So I was like, oh, shit. Well, now I'm definitely going to come outside because, you know, what is my dad going to do? So, you know, again, my father authority

figure, I kind of at first was like just by the top of the stairs, like being like, ah, maybe I shouldn't go outside. And then I hear my mother screaming from the top window. Oh, my God, Tony, please stop. You're going to kill him. You're going to kill him. My dad went across the street, rang the bell, got this guy out of the house and started beating the shit out of him. And I run downstairs. I'm now standing on my outside stoop. My dad is walking back with like blood on his shirt. It looked like Ray Liotta from Goodfellas when he's like, I'm Karen. I'm like, I'm Karen. What do I do? I didn't know. I didn't know what to do. And then my dad goes, he goes, that was your job. I'm like, what?

You want me to beat up a grown man? And then my dad and then so and then it's always with my father. The way I describe him is right intention, wrong move. So my dad's intention was protect your mother at all costs, you know, and then but the move was let's beat up another grown man in front of my son. And then, you know, we're sitting in traffic on the Verrazano Bridge going back to Staten Island, you know, four hours later. And he goes, you know, what I did back there was the wrong move. Right. I'm like, yeah, no, I know. Mom knows the police know. We all know that that was a stupid thing to beat someone up. He's like, well, what I was trying to prove to you is that you're the man of the house now. And when your mother's out there crying, you go console her and talk to her. Don't be in your room playing video games like a little jerk off. And I was like, oh, OK, so you could have just told me to do that. You could have just turned off the video game system and told me to come for my mom. You need to you need to beat up her ex-boyfriend. Yeah, but that story you wouldn't be telling all these years later. I mean, it's

like this disturbing, sweet story, right? It's like a lovely like, yeah, I get it. And I'm sure the guy was fine but i i was thinking about the scene in goodfellas where where i mean karen's voiceover says i gotta admit the truth it turned me on you know like there's something about it's i know i realize it's sexist and in this case criminal but um right there is something nice about feeling protected by by a man by your man by your son by your by your spouse yeah of course that's all being you know shamed now too right we're supposed to only protect ourselves and it's fine i i happen to believe you can be the cousin who shoves the criminal out of the window and breaks both of his arms and still want your door open for you and still want your man to

stand up for you if somebody gets in your face oh Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Look, that's the first of all. Yeah. Like, you know, you say like, oh, like, you know, like with these stories are like my my comment. I had no intention to do comedy. I genuinely got the first idea to start doing comedy from my therapist. I was telling these stories to my therapist. He's like, this shit's pretty funny. Like you're scarred for life. But it's like this is actually like you went through severe trauma, like emotionally. But it's he's like, I got to be honest. It's funny stuff, Chris. And then I got the idea for stand up. But oh, yeah, no, I think people want to just kind of take one little thing about you and

then make that, you know, that's all that's who you are as a person. That's, you know, they want to take like me, my 36 years of life and boil it down to one tweet or one thing. I totally agree with you, Megan. You could be both like even me. I was interviewing, you know, my, my, I was interviewing my wife's transgender uncle who was in prison for 25 years talking about being pro trans and being open and equality for all while wearing a blue lives matter t-shirt because a lot of my friends and family are

cops. Like my family, it's either cops or criminals. You know what I mean? So I'm like, I can, I can support both things. You know what I mean? Like I'm a fan of you, but I voted for Trump. It's the same. I just, it's okay. Like we can love everybody. You know what I mean? And by the way, even me just saying that as a joke, the Trump thing that, that saying that in, in, in, in the comedy world, that's like literally, I mean, you're like, I cannot believe you're even kidding about that. Like, that's how crazy the world is where I'm like, can I just say whatever I thought like we had free speech in this country. I thought the point of a democracy was we can all have discourse. But it feels like another issue with the country

is we can't even have the discourse. Like if I even try to go on a public forum and try to figure out something about another culture or sex, you know, a group like a group or like you try to let's say transgender, like try to ask questions about it. That may not be informed as even me asking the questions. It's like, fuck you. You're canceled for even attempting to be better. That's right. Oh, no. You know what they say? You know what they say? Do the work. Do the work. Well, isn't the work asking questions and getting to know my fellow human beings? And now that no, like read it in some book. Well, what book should I read? Ibram X. Kendi? Because I don't believe that guy. I think he's he's a hustler. This is guy. This guy's not telling us the truth. So what book should I read? What's your favorite? You know, like, oh, Robin D'Angelo. Well, the black people I know, like Chloe Valdry, tell me that woman's all wrong. And by the way, Chloe's black and Robin's white. So I'm not going to read her book to find out about how I should treat black people. Anyway, it's it's all about doing the work. So they have killed conversation. And the other thing is, of course, no one is leading this pristine, perfect life. We all have hard questions that we ask about gender, about religion, about race. No one has this perfectly understood and worked out so that their conscience is 100% clear. And St. Peter will be rolling out the red carpet when we eventually

get up there because we lived the perfect life. We did it. And even the wokesters who are trying to pretend that one never makes a mistake, what they're doing to others is sinful. You know, it's sinful and unforgiving. So it's like, there is no winning that game. The only way forward in life is to understand everyone's got, everyone's got psoriasis, you know, it's like it takes a different form. Exactly. We all got psoriasis. And that's what I'm saying. Like, even like, you know, like with the pulling down of like the statues, I get it. I get like, you know, Confederate stuff. I get the South. Like for them, it's like, they just, they lost the war. So it's like, we don't celebrate losers

here. That that's how I think about it. But like everything else, like with history is like, you have to understand where you came from to know how to be better. And like you said, you go back in history, everybody did something. The world has changed so much. Even movies from 10 years ago, some of the words they were using is like, you can't even make a movie. So think about just how much the world's changed in 10 years. I mean, imagine going back 200 years. And again, people just being misinformed. Again, I love history. I'm a big fan of history. I remember when they were trying to pull down the Ulysses S. Grant statues because they were like, oh, he was anti-Semitic. It's like he admits in his biography, well, you know, the Mark Twain thing that they wrote for

Ulysses S. Grant that, yes, in the beginning, he had a negative opinion of Jewish people because they had, you know, in his father's business, had swindled him out of money. And he was making, you know, he was, you know, taking his personal experience and making it the norm for everybody. He realized how wrong that was. And he was the only member still to this day president. He has had the most Jewish people in his cabinet and that worked for him during the presidency because he was like, I am sorry I did that. I love Jewish people here. But they but again, people take one little tweet. They're like, you know, Ulysses S. Grant, bad, anti-Semitic, pull his statues down when actually none of it's true. And like you said, even go, everybody's got a bad thing.

It's like, look, dude, like, what do you want? Martin Luther King did amazing things for us as a people, but he also used to beat the shit out of his wife. Same thing with Gandhi. Gandhi was a great person, did so much. He used to sleep with 15 year old girls. It's like, what do you want me to tell you? The facts are the facts. Like, you know, not everybody's 100 percent percent all good and not everybody's a hundred percent

all bad. Only now is that even considered as, as a standard that people are supposed to live out to. And most sane people have totally rejected it. So wait, I want to ask you something though, because now you have a diverse child, right? You've married a Puerto Rican woman. So is that Latinx, right? Is she, does she embraceican woman. So is that Latinx, right? Yes. Which by the way, she hates that. No, she's like, why? Because she's sane. Yeah. She's like, what is Latinx? She's like, just call me. I'm Puerto Rican. My name's Jasmine. She's like, this is the, she always says like, that's how white people shit with the Latinx.

She was like, she was like, she like rolls her eyes at this stuff all the time. She's like, I love how these white people are telling me my struggles, you know, like she's always, she's always saying that. And, and I gotta be honest with you, especially being in entertainment.

I mean, you want to talk about it, get a jail free card. I mean, these social justice warriors, like if they're like, what do you know? You know,

what do you know? You straight white male piece of shit. I'm like, have you met my Puerto Rican daughter, Julissa? She comes running out doing Zumba. They're like, Oh my God,

I didn't know you were like a champion of diversity. Like we love you. I'm like, you're fucking fake, dude. You're all fake, you know? So it's like, yeah, it's like. So do you think, because listening to you talk about your dad, and I've heard you tell the stories about Jazzy, which is what Jasmine goes by. I feel like in some ways you married your dad. Not that Jazzy's a criminal law, but she's tough. She's tough. She doesn't give you a pass. She's on you for any suspected bad behavior, that's for sure. And I'm like, you know, this is yet another example of how, I've said this before, but it's true.

Some of these smart psychiatrists who study relationships say you wind up marrying somebody who has both the best and worst qualities of your parents, right? So it's no accident you married somebody tough. No, it's no accident. And it's even the way my life turned out, because my mom and dad, they got together very quickly. They met at a walk-a-thon. This is true. My mother was walking the walk-a-thon and raising money for cancer because my mom's just like a very good person, a forward-thinking person. And my father was doing community service on the side of the walk-a-thon. That's a true story. I was going to joke about that. That's true. I was going to say he was

there picking up the garbage on the sidewalk. It's a real thing. No, he was like allegedly flirting with her, pinching her butt with the garbage pickup thong, you know, prong things. And so and so and my mom just wanted to have a fling with a bad boy. And then, you know, that happens. They have me very quickly, you know, shotgun wedding. And then it's over quick. And my mother's whole thing as I was growing up was, you're going to go to school. You're going to pronounce your R's. You're not going to sound like a thug like your father,

like all that stuff. And you're going to fall in love with a woman. And you're going to have a baby that you're going to do it the right way, not the way I did. And that's all I heard. And for the most part, I did. I went to school. I went through graduate school, never got in any trouble,

you know, pursued my passions. Like my mother was always proud of me. And then fast forward, I'm 30 years old, go to a bar, this bar in Coney Island, Brooklyn called place to beach, which is not like a hipster place. This is like old school New Yorkers. You know what I mean? This is not gentrified. This is not like a woke bar. This is just like, this is where old school New York city goes. You know, I'm an Italian or so I thought, you know, six years ago.

And, you know, Jasmine Puerto Rican. And it's like West Side Story. It's like the Italians and the Puerto Ricans, like we mate, you know? And I saw her, I saw her, you know, dancing in the club. And I was like, this is my future right here. We go on one date, you know, have sex. Nine months later, we have the baby.

So the exact thing that my mother did that was trying to make me not do, have sex. Nine months later, we have the baby. So the exact thing that my mother did that was trying to make me not do, I did. So it's like the apple just never falls far from the tree. It's like you are your parents' children. No matter what my mother tried to do to prevent me from doing what she did, I did it anyway. And it's just fate. And I don't regret any of it. I was just... I'm like, I'm the happiest guy in the world because I have this family and it came very quickly and changed my life very quickly. But I look back at the old me and I'm like, Oh, wow. I don't like that guy as much as I like this guy now who's like a father. And I've now had to try... No. Because that's the thing. When you have a child with someone after the first date, a lot of like red flags that you could run for the hills for.

If this was another relationship, you got to find ways how to get around that. And you got to find ways how to sit there and figure out your problems for your children. So I feel like it's made me a better person. So my advice is get out there, have unplanned pregnancies with people you don't know. It's the best, you'll wind up on the Megyn Kelly show.

And that's the best thing that can happen. Does she, she seems like a very confident woman. I've seen her exercise videos online. She's an instructor. But does she ever have any insecurity at you being, you know, kind of famous and being out there on stage, which can be an aphrodisiac for women in the audience? Does she worry about you in that? I think she does. But here's the thing is like anytime a girl DMs me, it's almost like I'm like, hey, I appreciate, you know, you sending me a picture of yourself unsolicited, half naked, but it's really not me you need to worry about. If Jasmine sees this shit, you're fucking done. I'm like, so just for your own protection, I'm going to say, please refrain from doing this because I'm just I'm trying to protect you from refrain from doing this because I'm just, I'm

trying to protect you from Jazzy because yeah. So, and, and kind of, but you know what, to be honest with you, she's confident in her own right. Cause she's very much like, go ahead, go, go, go see what that bitch could do for you. She's like, go, go see what that bitch could do. Go see, go see if she could, she could take care of the house. She could cook for you. She could stay up all night. You know, she could put your eczema cream on your back. She's like, go see what these bitches are going to do. She's like, no, I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Yeah.

She's like, I'm doing all that shit for you. So go ahead, go. And that's the thing what I've learned with her is like, we can get into like a huge fight about like bullshit. And then 20 minutes later, everything's fine. She's like, okay, what do you want to eat? Well, what do you want to eat? I'm going to make you want eggs. What do you want to eat?

So it's very quickly. It's like whatever fight we're having, it's just taken care of immediately. She's a real person. That's what I like. A lot of these people nowadays are passive aggressive. Well, Jasmine's aggressive, aggressive. And I like that. She's very much like the one story that I tell. Again, all true. I was like, holy shit is we were in an elevator. We lived in this, um, you know, building in Park Slope, which if you're not familiar with the New York area, Park Slope is very gentrified, very like, you know, like they're just walking bags of quinoa. They are, they are just very woke and they're like, yes, like, let us get out there and protest. Like they are just very woke. And they're like, yes, let us get out there and protest. They are just like that.

And those people, they usually say stuff to people. And all they usually get is that person bowing down to them, like, I'm so sorry for offending. Well, this lady got into the wrong elevator one day because it was me, Jasmine, and our daughter, who at the time was like 15 months old, 16 months old, and she still had a pacifier in her mouth. And some people would say, oh, that's a little late for a pacifier. But even if you felt that, it's like, dude, if I grew up in New York City and I keep my mouth shut, if I saw a 15-year-old kid in a stroller with a pacifier, I wouldn't say anything. I'd be like,

all right. Yeah, he probably did. He's probably in a K-hole or something. He probably was on Quaaludes last night. And he's just having bad trip. Like I would never say a word. But this woman gets in this like, you know, woke Wendy. She gets in. She's probably like, you know, a professor at 17 universities and just like sponsored by fucking Whole Foods. And she gets in. She gets into this elevator and she's looking and she looks at Jazz. She looks at me and she looks at our daughter.

And I can tell she looks at the pacifier and it's got like that disdain on her face. So I'm like, oh, shit. And Jazz, I can see the smoke coming out of Jasmine's ears. I'm like, so I'm trying to rub her, you know, rub her back. Jasmine's back. I'm trying to like, you know, speak to her calmly. You know, I'm just like, please, like we're on the 11th floor. Let's just get to the lobby. We're going to have a picnic. Everything's going to be fine. Like, let's just get out of here. I'm like, please, dear God, do not let this woman say anything in this elevator. So the floors are going down one by one by one. And then she turns around at the seventh floor. And she's like, can I just ask you a question? And I just say, please, lady, if you want to turn around and look at the wall, that would be better for everybody. I just want to get to the

lobby. So now... And two things happen now. Now I know, number one, I'm trying to prevent the problem. But two, I've caused a bigger problem for myself because I've just communicated with another woman and you fucking cannot do that. So now I'm like, you know, now I'm already like, okay, we're going to get off this elevator. She's like, how do you know this bitch? How do you know this bitch? And I'm just like, I don't. But anyway, we keep going down. We keep going down. And then finally, Wendy turns around and she goes, I have to say something. She goes, I don't. But anyway, we keep going down. We keep going down. And then finally, Wendy turns around and she goes, I have to say something. She goes, I noticed your child...

I swear to God. She goes, I noticed your child has a pacifier. And I just feel like from the research I've done, it's a little late for your child to have a pacifier. And I would really try to focus on removing that pacifier. I literally... Megan, time stood still. Hand to God. Jasmine, you know that emergency

break they have in the elevators? She pulls the emergency brake. She almost punched it. Yes. Punch the emergency brake. Now we're stuck between the third and second floors. We had like, even like that little bounce because it stopped so abruptly. Jasmine starts taking out her earrings, which is a bad sign. When a girl starts taking out her earrings, this is a bad sign. She was like, tell me about all your research and articles, bitch. I would love to fucking know what you've done. Yes. And my daughter's there with her pacifier, like also giving like a little attitude hand. And I'm like, holy shit. And I separate them. Finally, like, you know, after a few minutes, I'm literally pushing them apart. And Jasmine's just fucking furious. And I'm like, oh, my God, oh, my God. We get down to the elevator to the lobby. The fire department was there. They were already there. And some firefighter comes up to me. He goes, what happened? Is everyone OK? I said, yeah. You know, she pulled the emergency brake on the elevator. He was like, why? I was like, well, because woke Wendy said that we needed a pacifier. Oh, we should remove the pacifier from our daughter's mouth. And you know, it pissed off

Jasmine because she's talking to her fucking kid and, you know, running her mouth about the pacifier. So Jasmine hit the emergency brake on the elevator and the firefighter was like, you know what, to be honest with you, my wife would have done the same thing. He's like, so he's like, I'm sorry that that happened. And I got a $500 fine by the way. So all that happened, it's like, yeah, that would say he was like, there's nothing I could do for this. Like, you know, you pulled an illegal fire alarm. So what did the woman's, what did woke Wendy say? What was she, what was her reaction? Oh, you know what woke Wendy said and did woke Wendy immediately apologizes. And she's like, I'm sorry. It was just having like a bad day. I'm

very stressed at work. All this excuse. I'm a victim. I'm a victim excuse. I'm being held down. And just as soon as that elevator open, just walks out. So we have to talk to the firefighters and clean up this whole mess. But Wendy just walks right out on her cell phone, probably, you know, sending, sending her encounter with an angry person right to the New York times and just, you know, taking it out of context. And that's, and, and, and, and that's really like, when I saw like that happen, I was like, oh shit, this woman is not used to somebody having to put your money where your mouth is. Because most people would have just been like, oh, would have taken the pacifier out of the child's mouth and be like, you're right. Now I understand why you said, I heard you say something like the feds

need Puerto Rican women to go undercover for them and help root out ISIS. Like they're missing a huge opportunity. Yes, yes, I know. And it's just like, and even that, even that was like jokes like that. So like I told you, like, you know, Puerto Rican family, like, you know, immersed, I feel like in the Puerto Rican culture, I tweeted something out. This was a, you know, a month or two ago and people were like, oh my God, you're racist. I tweeted out. I said, listen, if President Biden, I said, if I was President Biden, the first thing I do day one of the first day of my presidency is I would make AOC the head of the CIA because nobody looks through phones like Puerto Rican women. That's, you know, other people tweeting at me, you're racist. Then somebody tweeted at me,

how could you've probably never even met a Puerto Rican person. I'm like, never met a Puerto Rican person. My kids hitting me in the head with empanadas. Once a week, I have to eat fucking Abuelita's mystery meat, which doesn't do well with my white guy GI system. And I fart and my whole family has to get on their hands and knees and look for my asshole because it blew off. It's like, yeah, that person that tweeted at me probably has never met a Puerto Rican person. They're probably just some white, extremely liberal person that lives in the fucking mountains in Nebraska, which there's no mountains there. So I sound like an idiot, but just lives somewhere in Nebraska and just never met anyone that doesn't look exactly like them. But they're telling me I don't know Puerto Rican people. It's bullshit.

Right. Not only do I know them, I made one. Exactly. It's like it's like racist. What do you what are you doing for for, you know, the Latino community? I'm making more Puerto Rican people. That's how not racist I am. OK, that's commitment. I'm starting to understand. What do you call it? Anxiety Tuesdays? Yes. Yes. Anxiety. Because on Because on your podcast, that's a thing. But so is it about your psoriasis and your anxiety and your, you know, all the issues you've been describing? Yeah. Well, Anxiety Tuesday started actually when I really had like bad anxiety. But, you know, talking about all this stuff, like with narcissism and this like, you know, kind of, you know, thing I started looking at with society, I kind of looked in the mirror. I'm not kind of I did look in the mirror and I kind of equated my anxiety to narcissism. And I got to be honest with you, I'm very, I'm way less of an anxious person today than it was a few years ago, because I realized like, hey, man, like my worrying about, oh, I'm going to die. Is that a problem? Is this a problem? That's all like me, me, me, me, me. When it's like, yo,

I got a family. I'm trying to like help run a family here. I got kids. Like I need my energy. I only have a finite amount of energy each day. Like as we go, as I, especially as I get older, I don't want to use it and be nervous that I'm going to die of a heart attack. It's like, it's, that's going to happen. That's going to happen. Just eat less bacon, dude. I want the energy to push my kid in a swing and be present for her. So I started doing those Anxiety Tuesdays as an outlet for me to be like, this is all my anxiety that I'm having, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now the more recent ones that I do are kind of just...

I still do them as Anxiety Tuesdays. And I think none of us will ever be perfect. We're all like works in progress. But I feel like even though the anxiety I struggle with now is just normal anxiety that anybody may feel. But for the most part, I don't really deal with the anxiety. And the new Anxiety Tuesdays is really kind of just a kind of like my outlook on what's going on in society and kind of like, oh, I have anxiety about, you know, the world my daughter's going to step into. Where in the beginning it was like, hey, I'm going to die. I have, you know, I have a tumor on my little toe and I'm going to die. But now it's more like now it's more like, you know, I think like, you know, here's the hypocrisy that I'm seeing and it's giving me anxiety. And, you know, you know, maybe it'll give you anxiety too.

You know, my husband loves, he's a writer and he loves Ernest Hemingway like all writers do. And PBS this week is doing a documentary series on him Monday to Tuesday and Wednesday, 8 p.m. It's also available online if you missed it. But anyway, we were watching it the other night and it was talking about this letter. It has great, great quotes from not not his books necessarily, but letters that he wrote, you know, back in the day he was born in 1899. So he's like the guys who have it, who die, have it, have it easy. Don't feel bad for me if I die. It's the, it's the parents, it's the families. It's like, he's like, I've seen enough death to know that you shouldn't feel sorry for the one who goes. And it was just sort of an interesting way of thinking about war and our own mortality. And there is some truth to it. You know, the people who suffer the most are the people who

live on, which doesn't make you feel any better when you're a parent. That's for sure. But I do think for most people, death comes hopefully rather quickly in the grand scheme of things. And with modern medicine, unless it's a hideous accident, you can generally make it somewhat painless. In a lot of instances that used to be very painful, you can make it less painful. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I agree. I think about that too. It's like, you know, when, if I'm going to die or something's going to happen, it's like, for the most part, like if I wanted to, if I was like dying, like, yeah, you can just like knock me out with any kind of medicine. And then I could, whichever way it is like go peacefully, or they say like at the end, end, end, like, you know, whatever DMT or the spirit molecule starts to secrete and like the pain leaves your body regardless. I mean, I know it's a very scary thing. I think as humans, we're just always scared of like what's through the door, like scared of the unknown. But really like the people who have like these near death experiences,

if you watch some of these documentaries I've watched, they all feel like, oh, I know now I'm not scared of death anymore because I felt like I was at death's door and it really, it was like peaceful and inviting. And yeah. And that also helped change my anxiety too, where I'm like, yeah, if I'm going to die, like, I'm not going to know I'm dead. Like I'll just be dead. So like, stop worrying about it so much. Like worry about living. But you worry about like the moments preceding it. You know, like I would say of all the ways one can die, the ones I worry about are drowning and going down in an airplane.

Like drowning just seems like a terrible way to die. And I'm afraid of the ocean as it is. Like a couple of years ago when we moved to New Jersey, we bought an oceanfront lot and we had second thoughts. I was like, I don't I'm not sure I can do it. Like, I don't have the feeling about the ocean that most people do. It scares me. I had a bad experience when I was a kid.

I've never totally gotten over my fear of it. And I don't know. You know, they say maybe like in a past life, I died by drowning. Who the hell knows? That and airplanes do scare me. I always want to be next to like the old business guy on the airplane who never gets scared by anything. And when it bumps, I just look at him. Does he look panicked?

No, he looks good. So I'm good. I'm good. Right. Like, yeah, but there are rational fears, right? Because not a lot of people die of drowning and not a lot of people die in an airplane. But for whatever reason, these things get in your head and you decide to spend your day worrying about shit like that instead of like getting your bills paid or getting

your grocery shopping done. Yeah, no, no, yeah, no. Like you're, you're, you know, like, here's the thing. I mean, we're Americans. It's like, we're going to die how most Americans die, which is going to die of cancer or heart attack or killed in a mass shooting. So you're not going to, you're not going to die by drowning or in a plane crash. You know, this is America. For me, the biggest fear, I wouldn't want to be eaten by an animal. That's like the thing for me is like being eaten by an animal. Holy, especially in America. I know it doesn't, but I'm just saying your rational fears of being eaten.

Well, I mean, Hey, listen, it could happen. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I'm in LA right now. I see sometimes I see some wild coyotes. I'm like, yeah. Could you imagine just being eaten to death by like a wild rabid coyote? But I'm also like, you know, listen, here's the thing with me is I'm just going to either... I'm going to go out. Either I'm going to go out because I'm Chrissy Cholesterol. It's

either my high cholesterol. I'm just going to get killed by my wife for accidentally liking her sister's bathing suit pics on Instagram. So one way or another, that's just how I'm going to go out. And I've accepted that. Let's hope it's the latter. That'll be a blaze of glory, at least for Jazzy. Oh, my. That would be hilarious. And I forget my podcast numbers would go through the roof. That's what I'm trying to do. Magic.

Yeah, she's killing me live on the podcast. Chris, I'm rooting for you. Thank you. I appreciate it. I really do. I would love that last part. But but for grand success in life and comedy and all the rest of it. You've been killing it. Promise me, Megan,

promise me when she kills me in my sleep one day, you will have her on the podcast and interview her from prison. You will do that for me and my children. I'll get your uncle who got sprung. I'll get your dad. It'll be a whole family crime session. I look forward to it. The whole family crime session, it would be great. This was, yeah, this was

great. Like I said, I'm a huge fan, I always have been. So it was an honor to come on. Thank you very much, Chris. All the best. We'll be watching. Thank you. Yeah. And come see me. Come see me do some stand-up whenever I'm in town. If you go to chrisdcomedy.com, I got a lot of dates coming up and my podcast, Chrissy Chaos. And then I do a podcast called Hey Babe with Sal Vulcano from the Impractical Jokers. That's every Thursday, 11 a.m. Eastern time. 100%. Can I tell you that the Comedy Cellar, which you mentioned, is one of my favorite places on earth? I think the comedians who get to perform there, they don't just let anybody in, are the best in the world. It's where I happen to meet Coleman Hughes, who is near and dear to my heart. It's a special place and it's well worth trying to go to if you're just visiting New York city, but yeah, I would a hundred percent go see you there. And it just reopened the comedy cell. It's just open. So yeah. So I'll be back

in June. So please, yeah. Stay in touch and come, come to the comedy cell. We'll laugh, we'll eat wings. It'll be great. And just for the record, I will go and Jazzy, I will be bringing Doug. It's I'll with Doug in the audience, just to be clear. Oh yeah. No, no, no. Trust me. I saw that you have a new follower and it's Jazzy Canuella. So she will be watching you. I feel better. Somehow I feel better about that. Oh, no, no, no, no. You get her on your side, which you're on her side. You're never going to go wrong in life. She will protect you better than any guy ever could. I'm telling you, you want Jazzy on your side and you got her on your side. Next thing you know, she's going to be swimming with me and taking airplane trips with me.

I'm going to get really attached. Yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait. Thanks, Chris. All right. Thank you, Megan. All right. So don't forget to listen to the show on Friday because we're going to have Alan Dershowitz, Arthur Idalla and Mark Eichelarsch back again to talk about the latest in the Derek Chauvin trial. A lot's been going on. The prosecution been presenting its case and a lot of times it sounded more like the defense is on. It's been going OK for Derek Chauvin. It's been kind of interesting to see where the blows were landed and through which witnesses. Anyway, we're going to sort of handicap the odds of a conviction at this point and on what and bring up to date on what the trial testimony has been. Dersh has been doing a great job of this in his podcast. So he'll join us.

And then my legal dream team from the Kelly file, Mark and Arthur, will be back. So go ahead and subscribe to the show on Apple or wherever you listen to podcasts right now. So you don't miss it. Download, rate, review. It's been super fun reading them. I still am reading them. And I had a very sweet review the other day that used a term I really loved, which was Megan Nipison. I loved it. That's so sweet and clever. I wish I could respond. There's no way for me to respond on Apple, but I am reading them all. So just know that I do do that.

And I hear what you're saying, good and bad and suggestions all there. And I appreciate it greatly. So anyway, take care of it. And we'll talk on Friday. Thanks for listening to The Megyn Kelly Show. No BS, no agenda, and no fear. The Megyn Kelly Show is a Devil May Care media production in collaboration with Red Seat Ventures.