The Megyn Kelly Show - Cooper's Terrible Advice, Crockett's Narcissism, and LA's Own Socialist, with Adam Carolla, Plus Joseph Massey's Powerful New Poetry Book | Ep. 1307

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Megyn Kelly is joined by Adam Carolla, host of "The Adam Carolla Show," to discuss the shocking story of a female JP Morgan executive being accused of sexual harassment by a male subordinate, the obscene details within his lawsuit, whether the story is believable or there's something else going on, podcaster Alex Cooper’s terrible advice for women, her urging women to have sex on the first date, why young women especially should ignore her advice, Olivia Wilde’s “unwell” appearance, how many celebrities and politicians appear to be on Ozempic now, Jasmine Crockett’s narcissism, her never failing to bring up her race,  the potential for Los Angeles to get its own socialist mayor like Mamdani in Nithya Raman, her insane past comments about homelessness and crime, and more. Then Joseph Massey, author of "Invisible Current," joins to discuss his new poetry book, powerful poems including a tribute to Charlie Kirk and a reflection on the seasons, what inspired the book, and more.   Carolla- https://adamcarolla.com/ Massey- https://a.co/d/061u5PpS   Supersure Insurance: Simplify your business insurance and get a free coverage report at https://Supersure.com/Megyn Herald Group: Learn more at https://GuardYourCard.com Birch Gold: Text MK to 989898 to join Birch Gold’s Learn and Earn event by April 30! Cozy Earth: Visit https://www.CozyEarth.com & Use code MEGYN for up to 20% off     Follow The Megyn Kelly Show on all social platforms: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/MegynKelly Twitter: http://Twitter.com/MegynKellyShow Instagram: http://Instagram.com/MegynKellyShow Facebook: http://Facebook.com/MegynKellyShow  Find out more information at:https://www.devilmaycaremedia.com/megynkellyshow Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome to the Megan Kelly Show, live on Sirius XM Channel 111 every weekday at New East. Hey, everyone, I'm Megan Kelly. Welcome to the Megan Kelly Show. Coming up, the official Megan Kelly show poet, Joseph Massey, will be here. He is out with a new must-read book of beautiful poetry. It basically takes you into the change of seasons in upstate New York. So that's near and dear to my heart. And that's one of the great things about living in any of our states that have the change of seasons, right? We have to suffer. We suffer, indeed, through the long, long winter months, and for some of us, a very long, rainy spring, but it's beautiful. And the changing of it, like the flowering trees right now in Connecticut are stunning. You earn every second of your summer, so it's extra precious to you. The falls are second to none. And then the winters are gorgeous in December. January, February, March, okay.

He's got a new book of poetry. and we need a little something, don't we? Is it just me or do you need a little something right now? It's just been like a long, cold winter. It's been a tough time in the news and like the war and I don't know, a lot of stuff. So we're really looking forward to reading that book and to having Joseph on. He's been on the show multiple times. Our relationship began long ago when for some reason I thought his name was Paul.

And I kept calling him Paul. Any answer to it? This is a nice guy, but it's not Paul. It's Joseph. And he'll be here in just a bit. Okay, but we're going to start with one of our dear friends, Adam Carolla, is here. And boy, do we have a story for him. I was telling my team, there's a lot in the news today, but this is really the story that I'm most interested in. It is a shocking lawsuit out of J.P. Morgan, one of the country's most premier banks, where a male employee alleges harassment and assault, sexual. assault by a female boss whom he says committed severe sexual abuse against him.

This is a wild daily male exclusive, like the details of this. Adam will tell us what he thinks. Plus, the sex podcaster lady has some absolutely terrible advice to young women when it comes to first dates. Joining me now, one of our favorites, Adam Carolla. He's host of the Adam Carolla show, which you can listen to every morning on the Megan Kelly channel. That's Sirius XM Channel 111. Adam has big news. He's about to get his own star on the legendary Hollywood Walk of Fame. Here's a question. How many brokers does it take to ensure your business? If you are like most business owners, the answer is too many. Multiple policies, multiple applications, no clear view of how it all fits together. and when questions come up, it's not easy to get the clarity you need.

My God, just the word insurance, it's like you cower and fear. But super sure changes all that. Truly, listen to what they do. It's a one-stop shop for all of your business insurance. You don't have to have this policy with that guy, this policy with that gal. Try to figure it out when something goes wrong. Who do I call? Which policy is it?

What's included? What's not? This is backed by a team that's going to work with you year-round, not just at renewal. And if you've ever stared at a policy, running what in God's name it actually covers. Super Sure has a fine print fax tool that will translate the legal jargon into plain English so you know what's covered and what's not. Right now, you can go to supershure.com and get a full report on your current policies

with zero obligation. Find out if you're overinsured. Maybe you have too many policies or you've paid too much for them. Underinsured or somewhere in between. Go to supershure.com. One super agency, one powerful platform. form. All of your policies in one place and somebody to help you understand them. Go to supershore.com slash Megan today. That's supershore.com slash Megan paid for by SuperShore

Insurance Agency LLC, a licensed insurance company. Adam, congratulations. It's an honor that you spend any time with us, still, given that you're finally being recognized as you should have been long ago. Well, this will be my last appearance, obviously, because. because there'll be no appearances after the star goes down. It's all going to be network. Thank you for the time you've given us. Yeah, well, let's enjoy our last voyage together, Megan. And it's nothing personally.

You understand it's my publicist. I can't cross her. As soon as I saw it, I thought it's a good news, bad news situation for us. I told somebody with the star, somebody brought it up. I have not been bringing it up, but somebody else brought it up. And they said, where would you like your star? And I'd never thought about it because there's a lot of places you can put that star. So I thought about it and I said, well, nowhere near Donald Trump star.

And the person looked at me and they said, why? You don't like Donald Trump? And I said, no, I like Donald Trump. But twice a week in L.A. when the guy at the sledgehammer is coming out to destroy Donald Trump's star, he's going to be walking back to his Prius. He's going to see my star. And he's going to go, oh, well, let's crush this douchebag star as long as I'm here.

So I don't want it next to his because it's going to be a two for one. I want it near Mark Ruffalo's star. I think you need it. Don't you want it out? Where do people stand in line all the time in Hollywood? At the methadone clinic. There it is. Now we're thinking.

Right out front the methadone clinic. Some place where people are standing there for hours looking at it and thinking about you. And they're all bent over in that weird folding chair shape. So they're all literally going to be staring at my star in front of the clinic. I think we've come up with the ideal location. All right. So have the manager start Googling. And let me ask you a little question.

why now? Like what is it, is it like the success of the podcast or like you just get so successful for so many years, they get to the point where they can't deny it any longer? What's the story? Why now? I don't know. I think I think that Hollywood Walk of Fame

it's sort of like a cancer diagnosis. You just go, I was healthy my whole life. Why now? And I just go just because, because it is. Okay. And who's going to go? Do you invite the ex-wife to this? No, no, no, no, she can't go. I got a restraining order.

She has to stay 500 yards even if I'm out of town. If I'm in Detroit, she has to stay within 500 meters of my star. That's already been stipulated. It'll be a lot of it. It'll be the Dr. Drew's and the Jimmy Kimmel's and the sort of people that I came up with. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, that'll be actually very cool for you and Jimmy to be out there in public.

I mean, he's about to have a lot more time on his hands if President Trump gets his way. He just retweeted again today that he wants Kimmel fired. It's very inappropriate. The President of the United States should not be calling for any private company to fire any employee, especially over free speech. But I thought the joke was out of line personally. I think you defended him on it. Where do you stand on the Kimmel thing? I stand on the Kimmel thing sort of where I'm at with kind of the James Cohn.

Comey thing, which is, I get it. There's stuff that he's done and stuff you don't like and reasons to dislike Kimmel, but this isn't really going to work. It's not going to hold up in court sort of thing, you know? The Comey thing is unlikely to. The Kimmel thing isn't really for courts. Well, I don't mean it's going to go to court, but I'm just sort of saying in the court of public opinion when you hear about Jimmy or you hear about Comey, even if you are a staunch Trump reporter,

you should, but you're sort of logical and your free speech and you're sort of pro-American. You still have to kind of go, I don't know. I would just kind of keep walking on this one, which is not an endorsement of either one of their actions. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, totally. My only position on it is ABC set the rules for how we engage in cancel culture. They have lots of examples. They've got many scalps on their wall.

And if we're going to go by ABC slash Disney's standards, then it's not good news for Jimmy. You know, the standard has to be applied even when the person offended is a Republican. But of course, ABC doesn't really operate that way. Okay, I want to get to this JP Morgan thing. I don't know if you've heard anything about it. If not, fear not. Okay, this is perfect that you're coming to it fresh because you can be our jury for the day and tell us what you think. Now, J.P. Morgan Chase is one of, if not the biggest bank in America. It's enormous. And it's a lot of people's dream to get a job working there one day. You can make a fortune potentially. Once hired, it's tough to get fired. They're very good to their people by all reports. and they've hired a woman who's in some trouble now.

She's on the receiving end of a massive lawsuit, as is J.P. Morgan. The woman's name is Lorna Hajdini, H-A-J-D-I-N-I. She's 37 years old. She's an executive director in their leveraged finance division. So good on her. That's a pretty good accomplishment. There's not a ton of women at these banks, so I'm sure she's probably pretty gritty to have made it. but she is being accused now of being a me-tour, Adam Carolla,

and the plaintiff, who has, he's gone under John Doe, has alleged the following. They say in the filing that she coerced him. He's married. She coerced him. He was her subordinate into, quote, non-consensual and humiliating sex acts over a period of months despite his repeated pleas for her to stop. He says J.P. Morgan enabled the alleged abuse and retaliation against the banker after he reported it, claiming they placed him on involuntary leave, destroyed his reputation, and allowed

threats against him to continue while she went unpunished. In early May 2004, he alleges that she dropped her pen on the floor. This is the first move, Adam, dropped her pen on the floor next to his desk. and while bending to pick it up, rubbed his leg and squeezed his calf. He claims she then remarked, oh, you did play basketball in college. I love basketball players. Then she said, this is a little R-rated. They get me so wet.

There's just no way of going through this without feeling uncomfortable. Later that May, Doe said in the complaint that Hajdini invited him out for drinks, but he declined. In response, she is alleged to have said, if you don't F me soon, I'm going to ruin you. Never forget, I effing own you. Twice, John Doe claims, Hachini propositioned him for oral sex in the office. On one occasion asking, birthday BJ for the brown boy? Wow. It gets better.

My little brown boy, she added. When Doe claims he continued to resist her advances, she allegedly threatened professional retribution, telling him if he wanted to be promoted to executive director, he would need to start pleasing her. You're going to need to earn it, my little Arab boy toy, she allegedly told him during a work social event at her private members club. Why was he at her private members club? One asks, work social event, you could decline in any event. During the same event, he claimed she repeatedly groped his groin under the table, then spat in her hands and ran them all over his neck and his head.

Wow. Now, if any of this is true, this gal needs to work on her flirtation routine, I'm not sure most guys want you to spit all over their head. Well, you know, I tend to believe specificity. Like, when I hear really specific stuff, it makes me believe it more because it's hard to say, it's hard to manufacture spitting in your hand and rubbing it on someone's neck. You know, it doesn't, it's really super super. specific. In general, my general take on this kind of stuff is dudes need to just grow, you know,

grow a pair and just kind of keep walking. Now, this is getting to the rev limiter of abuse. And maybe it's just the way I grew up. But I have had situations where there were girls that, you know, I worked with or whatever. I knew what they wanted. I understood sort of what they'd say. they'd have a few drinks at the after party and say something. But I was like, I'm a big boy. I don't have, I can just keep walking. I don't have to say anything. I don't need to report anybody.

Now, they weren't my superior. And so they weren't retarding my growth in the company. And that is a part of this. You know, if this is just basic peer on peer, we're both in the mail room. You got the horny chick over there. I would tell the guy, brush it off and rub some dirt on. on it and keep walking. But if it is, in fact, a superior who is saying, I will not advance you in your career if you do not, you know, circum to my, to my carnal ways, well, then that is a,

that is a thing. And I would, I would, I would, I would tend to take his side only on that part. The sexual part is like, just men need to get back into being men. They really do. There's nothing a woman can do to you. It is, as bizarre as it is, it's always flattering. I'm sorry. Okay. Now, wait, let me give you the second part. Okay, see if this moves you at all in that position.

He says, alleges, in the summer of 24, Hajdini showed up at an apartment where John Doe was staying, knowing he would be there. He says that she allegedly made sexual advances on him, which he rebuffed, insisting he was not interested. Do you want to get promoted at year end or not? She warned him, according to the lawsuit. Do you want a future at J.P. Morgan? It's that simple. I don't know why you're fighting this. She then allegedly removed her shirt, began fondling her breasts and racially insulted Doe's wife, remarking, I bet your little Asian fish head wife doesn't have these cannons. I don't know. I'm starting to like this lady.

Does he include her number in the complaint? Okay. I'm going forward. Doe claims that then Hajdini forcibly removed his pants and performed oral sex on him against his wishes. He continued to protest and began to cry. Wow. He alleged in the loss. I'm coming back to that with you, Adam.

We're coming. I'm circling. return there with Adam. She allegedly admonished him for crying and scolded him for failing to achieve an erection. Stop effing crying. You think anyone would ever believe you? You're an effing douchebag who thinks he's hot shit.

But you can't even get your D hard for me. What the F is this? She allegedly said. She then ordered him to perform oral sex on her, ignoring his pleas of, don't make me do this. Oh, wait, I'm circling to be returned to. Afraid that Ms. Hachdini would act on her threats to retaliate against him,

John Doe embarrassed and humiliated, complied with her demands. And I guess went down on her. Doe claims that he was assaulted again later the same month. During the second encounter, she allegedly ordered him to suck her toes at him. She pushed him to the ground. She sat on his face, berating him while he was unable to sustain arousal. This is a pattern. I'm very uncomfortable.

Please, Lorna, please, I'm begging you. Doe claims, he told her. But she allegedly laughed before making a racist remark that at least his genitals didn't taste like curry. Curry. Oh, okay. Wow. There's more, let's pause, because we got to. We got to get caught up together.

Okay. She's a racist, abusive, very demanding, mocking boss. Okay. Well, here's what I, if I was doing discovery as an attorney, I would say there's no way a woman makes it to age 40 or whatever she is without some other incidents or examples of this in her past. You can't just turn into this person on your 37th birthday. You are that kind of person. Like there has to be other people to corroborate this story. Like folks, she worked with eight years ago when she was coming up.

You know, I mean, it's a, you know, when you get into this kind of behavior, like a Weinstein type guy, maybe a Swalwell type situation, It's never one and done. It's never isolated. It's a theme. It's who you are. You know what I mean? It's like...

Very good point. And it's by the... There should be a line of witnesses out the door. It's kind of sexually, your sort of fingerprint sexually is really who you are. You don't bounce around that much. Like I always told everybody if you're going to cheat, when you cheat, do stuff. you never do with your wife. Because later on, when she's reporting what happened, your wife, like, that's not Bernie.

That is not Bernie. He would never, he would never pleasure me for an hour and then say, and then pick me roses. That is not. It's very thoughtful of you to help people that way. You're a giver like that. I also have an invention for a condom with a birthmark on the condom. So later on, if it ends up in court, they can go, his penis had a very, distinctive birth market and then I would go,

Your Honor, Exhibit A, nothing. That would work too, Megan. This is how you spend your downtime thinking about these things. Sometimes I do it during my uptime. My God, I'm listening to Cliffs on the Iran War when you're doing that. That sounds a lot more fun. So she has to have had to have done this to another

employee. And my thing is, if I'm in the jury, I'm like, if three more people come forward, this bitch is guilty. But it's very specific. But do you find it plausible that he protested and started to cry as she was saying, your little Asian fish head wife doesn't have these cannons? Right. And then forcibly removed his pants and was going down on him and he was crying.

He was standing there crying. I'm sorry, I don't believe that at all. I think what you're dealing with, first off, there's no such thing as being a huge profitable entity and not getting sued for the entire length of that business. Everybody who's successful is going to get sued now. That's it. And if you're J.P. Morgan, I imagine there's 25 to 75 lawsuits going on concurrently at once, right? Everybody. Yes.

So I think what's going on here. is she, I got a couple thoughts. She sounds like an alcoholic to me. This sounds like a person who drinks and gets and loses control. I think you would find out usually, you know, the sexual stuff, but when you start weaving in the racial insults, this sounds like somebody was drinking before they came over to the guy's apartment. That's the, I'm going to your apartment on a Wednesday night is definitely you had a couple of pops,

before you headed over there. And, you know, the fish head, Asian, and the curry, all that stuff, which I love, is all, I think, motivated by alcohol. So I'm going to say, let's say. Can I just pause? I don't understand the fish is fishhead? What is that? What's that?

All I got is fish. All I got is fish head soup, which may be kind of an Asian thing. But that's all I got. But that's where I'm getting. My prediction is she's going into rehab. She will go into rehab on or that. If there's any truth to it. Or she's going to be like, John is a psychopath.

We hooked up one night and he has turned this into some sort of weird sexual harassment because he didn't get the promotion he wanted. It could go that way too. It could definitely go that way. I do want to give you this. Here's a couple of Jesse Kelly, who's also on the MK channel on Sirius X-N. He tweeted out this story saying like, Your replies to it. People on X have not disappointed. So I started looking at the replies to his

tweet. And here's one. I want to see the video of him telling a jury he cried while getting a blowjob. Yep. No one believes this story writes another one. He literally cried from getting dome, which I figured out what dome means. Here's another one. I just applied to J.P. Morgan, despite working my whole life in construction. Funny. Is there an email address to send my resume asking for a friend? That's funny. This losers complaining about having my dream job.

This is a flavor for how the internet is reacting. And we could say the challenges the plaintiff may face if this thing ever makes it in front of a jury, Adam. You know, you know, men. What do you make of those reactions? Well, I mean, it's all funny. I mean, it's a perfect setup for a punchline and it's funny. But, you know, we do this thing where we go, we need more women in positions of power. I don't know that that's necessarily true.

I think women are capable of being just as corruptible as men. I mean, when you take a look at so many of these women who are mayors or governors of states and cities around the country and then there's some kind of, you know, snap fraud or welfare fraud or something. You know, I think what I've learned, and sorry to broaden the subject, but I have definitely learned in the last several years that women are every bit as capable of malfeasance as men are. And we were under the impression that if we had women bosses and women senators and women governors that we'd have a more cordial society and we wouldn't have war and we wouldn't have the corruption and we wouldn't have the sexual harassment and we wouldn't have the abuse of power.

I don't know that that's true at all as far as I can tell. I live in a city that's ruled by Karen Bass and she's every bit as horrible as any male governor we've, or mayor we've ever had. I mean, I will say back when I was practicing law, we tried a case. We represented her employer and she, we fired this woman, our client fired this woman for sexually harassing the male employees. And she sued claiming she was wrongfully terminated. We won that case because the jury found they did have cause to fire her. She was running around sexually harassing the men. Now, like forcing a man to perform oral sex, that's like, that's tough.

I think that's kind of tough. He's claiming that it was the threat of his promotion she was using. in order to make him perform. And then there's this. Okay, here's the third part. Right. Third and final. During an encounter in late September 2024,

Hajdini allegedly yelled at Doe that he was not bringing in enough business to help her secure a promotion to managing director before, again, threatening him if he refused to have sex with her. I effing own you. I will make you pay, she allegedly said. Do you think you're going to be in good standing

if you do not have me in your corner? you really think management wants some brown boy Indian leading originations. If you don't F my brains out tonight, I'm going to sabotage your promotion. Fearful of retaliation, Doe claims he relented and submitted to another encounter. His initial protests were allegedly overheard, he claims at him, by a witness who was staying in the adjoining room, per the lawsuit. Doe claims that Hajini later admitted to drugging him with rohypnal or roofies and not just the roofy, but an erection enabling pharmaceutical substance to ensure he could perform. She, I mean, you don't become a J.P. Morgan banker just for nothing.

Like this woman, if this is true, she came prepared. She knew exactly like, I've got to incapacitate him everywhere, but the groin region. it's going to require just the following special cocktail of medications to get what I want. Again, I'm calling total bullshit. I don't believe one fucking word of this. I've got to be honest. But, okay, we'll see. Then,

Hold on a second. I have another innovation. I take roofies and I put them together with Viagra and I make Rufagra, like a peanut buttercup for Tate rape. I don't know. I'll work that one out. But I stand by my condom with the birthmark on it. Smart one. Okay.

He alleges that he did report it to HR in May of 2025, and that's when the retaliation began. He wrote a written complaint to HR detailing what he described as race and gender-based discrimination and harassment in a pattern of severe sexual abuse. A week later, he claims, the firm began to retaliate against him. And that included, he alleges, receiving anonymous three. threatening phone calls from individuals he believed were acting on behalf of Haddini and others attempting to scare him into silence.

Quote, just wait till you're back in New York, brown boy. One caller allegedly told him, you better stay away, snitch. On June 9th, Doe claims that he received a voicemail from someone claiming to be a manager at J.P. Morgan telling him he wasn't welcome because of his skin color, adding that people don't want you or your kind here. I don't believe a word of that either. This has got Jussie Smollett written all over it to me. And here's what J.P. Morgan said.

Following an investigation, so they did investigate, they're not idiots, we do not believe there is any merit to these claims. While numerous employees cooperated with the investigation, the complainant refused to participate and has declined to provide facts that would be central to supporting his allegations. Even though he does claim that he had at least two witnesses who can help support him, apparently J.P. Morgan Chase was not able to find any of them and is essentially saying that this whole thing is made up bullshit.

Okay, so that's the whole story that, as we know it so far, have you softened it all on the alleged defendant now that you hear the lengths to which his claims went? I have a lot of thoughts. One is Hajdini. And she keeps going back to the Indian thing. What is her nationality? Is she of some culture? Like maybe she's Egyptian and they have a long running feud with the Indians or something like that.

Like what is she? Because she sounds Indian. Hadjini. Doesn't Hajini sound? I guess. Yeah. I don't. And maybe she is.

And maybe that's why she has some sort of comfort with throwing these things out. I don't know. If she's a brown girl, she can say, a you brown boy. Yeah, well, you know, you know the rules for the N-word and things of that nature. You know what I mean? We can't use it. But if you're in the tribe, right? So maybe, and I'm going to have my guys pull it up on the screen here, but Hadjini, do we know her nationality?

Because if she is Indian, then maybe there is some connection. I, I, she, Steve Krakauer is saying he thinks it's Albanian, Albanian, the, the oft-forgotten Albanian. And did the Albanians have some sort of running feud with the Indians or some sort of territorial war that we're unaware of? I like this. Let's turn it into a world events discussion. Yes. Let's, let's broaden it out and see what scores may be getting set up here. We got to go global with this is what I'm saying. This is why you have a star on the hospital. Hollywood Walk of Fame and I don't.

Well, remember, I don't have it yet. But once again, this will be our last encounter on your show. I say again, I think this is made up. I think at worst, there was an affair between the two of them that led him to have some of the details about like the toesucking. That was the other thing. Did he get busted by his wife and then concoct this or did he come forward with this? That's what I need to know. Albanian.

Otherwise, my people say she's... It's giving the Pete Hegsef accuser vibes. You know, like, he raped me when I stayed, when I snuck into his hotel room in the middle of the night as my husband and children were sleeping down the hallway. Right. And I swear I didn't do that voluntarily. What kind of a psychopath would do that voluntarily? Right.

So I swear it was rape. Like, this does have, like, I cried the whole time, honey. Right. I swear, I cried. Yeah. So maybe it's him trying to. to get out of being busted, I don't know. Albanian is what my screen says for terms of her nationality.

So I don't know if there was a civil or a war between India and Albania. I don't know. I don't roll that deep. Okay. Speaking of, she's an attractive gal for the listening audience. Speaking of attractive gals, Miller Light has just unleashed a new ad campaign featuring the gymnast Olivia Dunn, who is very attractive, and she's going to be, I guess, their spokesmodel.

And she looks hot. She's in a bar. She's drinking Miller Light. And Adam, good for them. We're getting back to what beer ought to be, which is something people enjoy, in particular men, marketed to them by hot women, operative terms, being hot and woman. And it's basically a middle finger here to Bud Light, which tried to go another way and is still suffering as a result of it after their whole Dylan Mulvaney excursion. Your thoughts on it.

Yeah. I don't like brands trying to kind of steer culture in general or get preachy about stuff. It always bothers me that when you'd go into a coffee shop and they'd go in this coffee shop, shop. We believe no one is illegal. Just shut up and bring me the stupid coffee. I don't need, I don't want the lecture. Those same people are cheering President Trump's latest assassination attempt against him. Oh, right. Right. They believe in all the wonderful things. But they'd love to see him get a bullet in the brain. Right. And science, we believe in science, but you're going to be thrown out of this coffee house if you're not wearing a mask that doesn't work. Like,

it's, it's insane. It drives me nuts. People don't really remember that it's gone back a long time and I'll give you an example. When I grew up and you grew up and you watched a car commercial, they talked about mileage, they talked about sticker prize, they talked about rustproofing. They would talk about warranties, you know, power train, 15,000 mile warranty, rough rustproofing body, 100,000 mile, built Ford tough, you know. And then we get into Subaru, which is made with love. And the Subaru commercial doesn't talk about price, lease, mileage, horsepower, curb weight, nothing. There's no numbers involved with it. It's literally just puppies driving a Subaru. There is a Volkswagen commercial where a biracial gay couple adopts a sheep.

Look it up, Megan Kelly, listeners. I am not kidding you. It's a black guy and a white guy driving the Volkswagen, ticker on out, and a sheep basically adopts them and they take it home like it's a dog. It's insane. I don't even, you have to watch a commercial five times. You can figure out what they're advertising. You forget that they're advertising an SUV. So Madison Avenue is strayed so far off of this. And of, of course, dove with all the fat chick models and this is what new beauty looks like and blah, blah, blah.

It's not, we want to get back to basics. guys who drink beer want to look at hot chicks, not fat chicks, or trans chicks or whatever the hell they're pushing this week. And it's nice. And some of that is Trump, but also a lot of that is just America. We don't like being force-fed ideology we disagree with. Yeah. It's funny what you just said. Guys like to see hot chicks drinking beer to be marketed to. It reminds me of Recently, I was talking to a dear friend of mine. We both have daughters who are about the same age, 14, 15. And we were talking, I made the joke that before they sort of really get out into the dating world,

we should buy them a copy of that book, The Rules, that used to be popular when, you know, you and I were younger, which has rules for, like, landing a man, you know, like, it's basically play hard to get and don't give it up too easily. And she looked at me, my friend, and she was like, do we really need to? they're so simple. It's so simple what they want. It's like two lines. You kind of just summed it up.

You know what I mean? We don't need to read a book. We don't need to give a book to anybody. Like, we kind of know what men want and how to get them. However, we should be sending a copy of The Rules to Alex Cooper, who is the sex podcaster, Adam. You were kind of, you started in sex podcasting in a way. You and Dr. D? on Love Line that everybody listened to back in the day

and you took questions on love life and sex life and all the stuff and had great advice. It was like the pairing was magic. So I'll get you to weigh in on her advice. Like her whole podcast was born in talking dirty and now she's trying to make herself into Oprah. Good luck. And this is her latest on what girls should do

on the first date. SOT 8. No kissing on a first date. Well, sometimes I fucked them on the first date. How about that one? Tick-Tock? Um, how about I let him eat me out on the first date? And I married him. No, just kidding. He didn't email out. That was like the second time. I've had so many dates where like I had great first date. And I was like, oh my God, I'm never calling you. But, oh, who doesn't love a makeout? Like, makeouts are so fun. Okay. And so kiss them the first date. Fucking sleep with them the first night. Like, I don't care. You have to go based on what feels good to your body and what feels right to

you. And so if you have some fucking friends that are prudes that are like, you should never kiss on the first day, you're going to give them the wrong impression and they're just going to think you're a whore. Okay. Maybe for you, Cassandra, but I'm about to let him in my back door on night two. You don't have to do anal on night two, but you could. Whatever feels right. If a man is going to treat you like a piece of shit and isn't going to call you, he's not going to treat you like a piece of shit just because you fucked him or made out with him on the first night. A man knows. Yes, he is. Okay? Maybe make out with him so you stop wasting your time. What if like small lip Sammy is like, barely gets a little tongue in there and you're like, I can't even fucking find. We're just hitting teeth. You're probably not going to want to fuck Sammy. But good to know that you got it done on the first date. We're maximizing our time, people. Wait, does she work at J.P. Morgan? I'll let you take it. I don't recognize her. She looked.

No one does. Okay. We are having a problem. You know, sometimes I think about you, Megan, and I go, well, she's a woman, but on the other hand, she has a man's brain. So I guess I can speak freely. Since this will be my last appearance on the show, I might as well put my cards on the table, which is we sort of, we didn't do women right in the last 20 years. basically told them every feeling you have is valid, every thought you have is valid. You need to act however you want to act, but more like a man sexually would be better for you. And you,

there is no more, that's not very ladylike or a young lady wouldn't say that or do that. You're completely free and you can do whatever you want and say whatever you want. And they become more miserable, had less kids. You know, we told them they didn't need to have kids. They didn't need to be a mother in any kind of traditional way. They didn't even need a traditional relationship. And most of them are insane and suicidal and childless at 35. Now, this is not a good thing. The traditional roles with all that comes with that.

And listen, there's roles with men. Men should know how to fix something around the house. When you and your woman are on a road trip and you get a flat, it is the man who gets out of the car, gets the spare out and fixes and changes the tire. And I like that and I like the traditional roles. And I think it's good. By the way, it doesn't make you a servant to the other person. It makes you useful to the other person.

And then the other person has useful qualities as well. And I don't we got away from the roles. We got away from the responsibilities. We told women say whatever you want, cuss as much as you want, be angry as much as you want. And I think they're sort of coming unraveled. And having anal sex on the first date is probably not. Probably not advisable. Although there was a saying,

that goes back to the 70s that I believe I'd like to modify, which is Wynum, Dynum, 69um. I don't know if you've heard that one. No, no. This is great stuff. It's good stuff. It's on my license plate frame right now. That's why I'm always mindful of it.

But I would argue it shouldn't be Wynum, Dynum, 69em. It should be Wynum 69M, Dynum, because you want to eat after. you 69, not before. You know what I mean? You don't want to go off for Hungarian food and then 69. That's all. Yeah, you're really just kind of deciding on the appetizer. Yes.

I understand. And it's just like civilized people would choose one way instead of the other. I think this gal, I think this gal, like, is leaning into, she feels like this is empowering for young women to say this. And yet, and she's too young, she's young to have spoken to the reams of women that I've interviewed and met over the course of my life who made those same choices and then wound up deeply, deeply unhappy. Because even if you do wind up getting married, finding a great partner, he doesn't care about your very loose past, you care. You feel disgusting. And what tends to

happen is women who make that choice, the reason, like she says, whatever works for you, the reason it would potentially work for one woman generally is she's, she's, looking for somebody else to make her feel good about herself, to make her feel beautiful, to make her fair love, to make her feel like she matters. And it's this ultimate irony that the more of these meaningless one night stands a woman has, the less she feels any of that. Like, as he's trying to seduce her, she might feel that. In the actual moment, she might feel desired and so on. And then as soon as she watches him walk out, only to never call her again, because he's been there done that. And since she gave it up so easily, he knows many, many others have been here, too,

which is gross. He's not going to call her again. And it's going to lead to more feelings of self-loathing. That's generally how it works out for these women. Well, I mean, just think about the, you take a topic like abortion. That would have been several decades ago in this country, a closely guarded family secret. And now women are bragging into microphones in front of crowds about how. how many abortions they've had. This concept of what's right for you. You know, you talk about Loveline and me doing it for 10 years. There is, we got ourselves into trouble going.

Everyone's an individual. Everyone is different. Not everything work. No, no. Diet and exercise for everybody and you'll lose weight. There's no your concept on weight loss or his concept on weight. We are biological entities. We're all the same.

I used to say on Loveline all the time, they'd go, you don't know this person, you don't know that person. I go, listen, if I want to study polar bear migration, do I have to study all of them individually? I study 50 polar bears. I'm an expert on all polar bears. That's how it works. And human beings are the same goddamn way. I'm tired of arguing with everyone about what's right for you, what's right. No, no.

There are things that work. And it applies to running cities, running government. personal relationships, happiness, weight loss, sanity. It's all real basic stuff. And we've decided to throw it all away with some sort of individualism, BS that doesn't work at all. Yeah. No, I think you're right. And I think my rules will work for all women.

And I think her rules will hurt all women. I really do. I think you should not listen to her. And by the way, not for nothing. I don't think it matters whether you're super attractive or you're, you know, not. But I do think she also can't speak for all women because she is a beautiful gal. And she might have had repeated opportunities with men, notwithstanding her obvious loose approach to sex.

Because of that. And then she started making a bunch of money doing this podcast. That probably helped her too. Whereas like a less attractive woman who just so easily gives it up over and over is probably not going to get repeat calls. So like, let's just keep that in mind, too. Just don't listen to this person. If you find her conversations interesting, good on you.

But don't actually follow that advice. I urge you, my fellow women, especially young women. There is only one hot blonde you need to listen to people. And her name is Megan Kelly. And I say that with a tear in my eye, because this will be my last appearance. Last appearance ever. Okay. There are plenty of hot blondes.

One of them is named a little. Olivia Wild. Less hot than ever, I would say, and less blonde than ever. Depends on the course of her, you know, movie career or TV show she's on. But she was speaking, this is on Friday, so days ago, at the San Francisco International Film Festival. And this picture of her and video, too, it's from a video, has gone everywhere because it looks like, here's the before eight years ago, and there's the after on the right. Wow. And people are saying, oh, it's the camera angle. I mean, there's a video. I watch the video. She looks skeletal. She looks like she should go into the hospital right now because she looks like a corpse with the very sullen eyes, like the eyeball sticking out the way they do on a true anorexic who's, there's nothing left but skin and bones. And that's what her face looks like, just skin and bones and absolutely no. No fat, which you do need for beauty. She looks truly unwell, Adam.

And she's just the latest example, like, of the people. I don't know if she's on Ozempic. She certain looks like she's on Ozempic. And there appear to be some people in Hollywood who can take Ozempic and look good. Like, I'm assuming all of the Kardashians. And then there are these people who I probably had an eating disorder anyway, you know what I mean? and for whom this drug has allowed them to take it to a place that is truly sick. This is just my opinion.

I have no confirmation she's doing any of this, but the drastic transformation of this woman is shocking. Agreed. Okay, a bunch of thoughts. One is you're talking about Hollywood, but let's talk about Washington, and we can talk about Hollywood as well. I don't know if you've noticed,

but Tim Walts looks like he's down about 45. pounds from when he was running. Oh my God. Is he on the shot? Well, okay, hear me out. Tim Walls was running for vice president and on the campaign trail and everywhere all the time and never thought to lose an ounce of weight. I mean, it seemed to just be overweight for that entire run. And then that ended. And he looks like he's down 35 or 40 pounds in the last few months. Karen Our mayor of Los Angeles was not obese, but she was kind of heavy set. A little bit roly-poly, a little bit round in the face. She looks like she's down about 20 pounds herself.

Katie Porter, our favorite. Katie Porter. I saw that one. She decided to stop eating mashed potatoes, evidently, off her husband's head. So relieved. Katie Porter is, Katie Porter's got to be down. 30 pounds from her heavy weight, maybe

more, right? J.B. Pritzker is not what he was. He is down. So these people are all in their 50s. They were all heavy set, morbidly obese,

porky, fat, all the way through. And then all of a sudden, they kind of hit the national stage. And you look at Pritzker, Katie Porter, I think all of them are on it because they all made a drastic move in like the last six months. But I support that. Like Katie Porter looks a lot better.

And like J.B. Pritzker was going to die if he let himself go on like that. This by like the super skinny actress who goes skeletal, truly skeletal, if that in fact is what she's doing and how she did it, is so wrong. And it's like, well, who keeps giving her the drug? Like, when she comes in for the weigh-in, like, and she's down to, like, 90 pounds from the looks of it, what doctor's like, yeah, let's keep this rolling. Let's see if we can get down to 30. I really think you're seeing mental illness on the faces of a lot of these celebrities. And it's a terrible message for young girls in particular. Like, if you can't handle it and keep it at a regular, like, healthy body weight, you need to go off of it.

Stand by. There's much more to discuss, but we had to take a quick break. Adam Carolla, lucky us, is with us on the opposite side. Don't go away. Our sponsor, the Electronic Payments Coalition, says Washington politicians are always getting in your wallet. And now they're messing with your credit card. They say your credit card and the security it offers are under attack. And that senators Dick Durbin and Roger Marshall want to change the nation's payment system to benefit corporate megastores like Walmart and Target at the expense of. everyday Americans. Credit cards can keep your payments secure and provide rewards that families use to help make everyday purchases more affordable. The Electronic Payments Coalition says the Durban Marshall mandates would let corporate megastores cut corners on credit card processing, routing

transactions over cheaper, untested networks, with weaker security and fewer protections. Find out more at guardyourcard.com and consider telling Congress to guard your card. Back with me now is Adam Carolla. He's host of the Adam Carolla show and a very, very famous star in Hollywood, which is why this will be his last appearance ever on the lowly Megan Kelly Show. We are so honored to be here with him for the time he's willing to share. It's important the star on the Hollywood Boulevard. It's big. It's not quite as big as being a U.S. Congressman, but this, you know. One day, maybe you could shoot for that sort of fame and power. Until then, you're just going to have to admire and feel envy for the likes of Jasmine Crockett, who would like you to know that she's extremely, extremely important. She sat down with Sherry Shepard, formerly of The View, who's now doing her own show, I guess, and said the following. When you said Beach Blonde, Bad Bues the Queen Killer B, the way you...

There's no preparation for that. But, you know, I'm a black woman in America. So, I mean, you know, I mean, some people are just like, oh, but sure, Congresswoman, I'm a black woman first. And so, you know, the level of disrespect that is continuously lobbed against us as black women, you know, for me, I'm like, wait a minute. And now I am one of the 535 most powerful people in this country. And for some reason, you think we're on the same level, but you're going to disrespect me? Like, it's not going to happen. Oh, my God.

She's got, she's back with the black scent. Yeah. Like, she doesn't talk like that. No. Right? She talks like you and I talk. Yes. But she dials it up.

Yes. And black women first. Okay. All right, fine. And like the notion that you are one of the most important. important people in the country because you've attained a seat in the House of Representatives. My God. I mean, 1776 called, and they'd like their relevant facts back.

Yes. Unbelievable. Of course, it was not until the, you know, a decade or so later that we actually had. Anyway, keep going. Well, your thoughts on her. Okay. I have a saying, something I've been saying quite a bit lately that came out during COVID, but what I've been saying is all roads lead to narcissism.

There are people are trying to explain what this behavior is or that behavior is or who are you to stop a neighbor and tell them to put a mask up when they're walking their dog and stuff. And it's like it's a narcissistic disorder we are under and we used to keep ourselves in check. And now we've decided to celebrate our narcissism. And that's how you end up with the Jasmine Crockett saying insanely narcissistic things. Number two, whether it's her, Michelle Obama or Barack Obama, this race hustle, it's so nasty. And it's, by the way, hurting your culture and your people this. Like, as a black woman in America, tell me about it, bitch. I grew up poor.

I grew up white. I dug ditches for a living. And I couldn't be a fireman in L.A. County because I'm white. So I don't know what you're talking about. That is not the society we're living in. And you guys finding racism under every rock, it's not really affecting the Asian culture, the Jewish culture, the Indian culture, the Nigerian culture or the white culture. They're doing fine.

It's fucking up your culture. Yeah. But can you imagine, Adam, let's say I was asked about anything and I said, I'm a white first. Right. Like an elected representative. Hey, whoa, I'm white. before I'm a lawmaker. My first concern is for white people because I'm white.

That's basically what she's saying. Total past, the audience is like clapping for her. We're supposed to give her snaps for this abject racism. Well, it's like Ilhan Omar. I'm Somali, you know, number one. You know, like, and I pledge allegiance to the Somali flag. It's like this is the way endangered species talk in sort of predators that are apex predators. and I'll explain myself.

When you get to play the race card or the woman card or they combine it to make a retarded peanut butter cup, which is I'm a woman and a black woman, no one can come to them and have a problem with them. And I will give you an example, Megan Kelly. When Gavin Newsome gets busted for eating at the French laundry in the middle of COVID lockdowns, he has to come out and apologize. and he does. Now, he doesn't mean it. He doesn't believe in COVID and lockdowns, but he realizes the optics of it. He has to say it. When Lori Lightfoot, who's a triple endangered species because she's black, she's lesbian, and she's a female, when she gets busted for getting her haircut, she has a presser that says, hey, I care about what I look like, and I can't cut my own hair, so fuck off and walks away. So they don't apologize.

They don't have to apologize. So what we've told to black women is anytime anyone messes with you, just play the race card. And they figured out that that was a good way to keep people from messing with them. Yeah. Yeah. And they're absolutely right. I mean, like, people will go right along with that. The Jasmine Crockett show has gone on long enough or all tired of it.

You mentioned Elon Omar. That clip, it went viral over the weekend. It's from January 2025, but it just underscores. she's an idiot, just like Jasmine Crockett, who would like us to think she's a bigger idiot than she actually. At least at Jasmine Crockett went to law school. She graduated from law school. She could have had a decent career before she decided to sell out to be some sort of an actress.

Well... Here's the clip, in case you must get of Ilan Omar, who's reading. She's reading. And you'll see what happens. Yeah. The last time the Alien Enemy's Act was invoked. It was used to detain and deport German, Japanese, Italian, Italian. Italian immigrants doing World War 11.

Oh, two. All right. Oh, my God, Adam. Well, first off, I forgot. I did not see that Macy Hirono was standing next to her because I think Ilhan Omar was like, hey, I got to do a presser. Macy, can you stand next to me? And Macy's like, I got nothing to do with that presser.

And she's like, listen, I don't want to be the dumbest person in this room. So please, Macy, stand next to me. like a guy, like a fat guy going, I need a guy who's really fat to stand next to me so I don't look like the fat guy in the room. Like, Maisie Hirono is the only one dumber than Ilhan Omar. And so I think she must stand next to her all the time. And I'm going to say this like in general. When you hear the lady with the purple hair, the old cat lady who's screaming at Pete

Hegzeth or RFK Jr., whoever it is about. you know, about raw milk or something like that. Deloro. Right, DeLoro. Okay, I want to say this with like respect to anybody on the left, but I really want you to think about this. You may disagree with Jim Jordan and you may disagree with Pete Higgseth, but they don't seem functionally retarded and insane.

Maxine Waters, Deloro, Ilhan Omar, Masey Hirona. These people sound like doorknops. They sound like special needs people. It's one thing to articulate yourself and you have a different argument than I have. But we can tell the synapses are firing. We can tell there's brain cells there. You on the left have a lot of people just seem like flat out dopes. You would not want them walking your dog.

Or your skunk. Right. I'm making a transition here back to our early. conversation, and which you talked about the two gay guys in the car with a sheep, like the sheep is their new pet. It reminded me of something I was told recently by one of the ladies in town that the latest trend is to adopt a skunk. You have, I guess the sprayer is something that can be removed. They remove the sprayer so that the skunk will not spray the homeowner. Look at this woman. For the listening audience, she's got to.

a skunk on a leash and she's walking her skunk. And like, they don't need to defend themselves, I guess the thinking is anymore because you're domesticating them. They live 10 to 12 years. And you can take them back home and live peacefully with your pet skunk at them because everyone's got to outdo everyone. It's not enough to have a cute dog. You know, the French bulldog was in for a while. The doodles were in for a while. And now you have to outdo. do everybody and you have to have a pet skunk. Well, I hope you don't have a cat as well because I've seen enough episodes of Pepe Lepe to know how that can go south fast.

That Pepelepe Lepeu guy could have been he could have been management at J.P. Morgan with his sexual drive. I mean, let me tell you something. I think the biggest danger to your pet skunk is going to be the unsuspecting visitor, You know, like the Amazon guy who's just trying to deliver a package. Yes. Oh, and like throws the heavy box at him. I think they're in danger.

They belong in the wild. Here is the commercial that you referenced, my crack team dug it up. You're going to love, have you seen this before? No, no. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. Let's watch. looking at two guys getting into their car.

Oh, God, they brought it home. They're adopting a sheep. It has a leash. It's drinking out of the bowl. Life gets bigger when you break. They're walking out on the beach. The Volkswagen take one. I, you know what my fantasy is.

I want to go, I want to build a time machine, like not to kill Hitler. or Napoleon or anything, just to go back to like 1963 and go to Mad Men era times, you know, go to Madison Avenue, guys drinking martinis for lunch, smoke, and slap and the secretary on the ass. And then I go, let me show you the future of advertisement. Here's a commercial. And I go, Volkswagen. Yeah, yeah, those guys.

You mean the Hitler Mobile guys? Yeah, yeah, they got a commercial. They got a commercial. I want you to watch it. And they'd go, what the hell those two fellas living together? for. He's got a negro in his house. What the hell's going on around here? It's so true. They wouldn't know what it was. One thing else says, you look back, I loved madmen, and it reminds me like that sort of time where like they drank with, you know, abandoned,

they smoked nonstop. Recently Tucker had his brother Buckley Carlson on, who is now my favorite person on earth. This guy is, I need to know him. You know, you know, T-minus, whatever, until we get him on the MK show. But he's like, Super Tan, this is Tucker's younger brother by two years. Super Tan, kind of grizzled. He's there in his suit. He doesn't have to be in his suit. He's with his brother, you know, like, but he's got at least the suit coat on and the collared shirt.

He's smoking camels. And the two of them open up the discussion on how they used to like John McCain when they were young growing up in Washington. But what turned them against John McCain was he, led the fight against big tobacco. And they were both like, that's such bullshit how they demonized big tobacco. And I have to tell you, there's something about it. There was somewhat cathartic just like, because like everything now is so maha. You can't drink.

You can't smoke. You can't do anything, really, without feeling like you're killing yourself that moment. Like you might not make it to midnight that day. And like, you've got to do this number of exercise and it has to be this taxing. And then you have to do this other exercise. and you can't have the plastics and you can't drink out of the soda can and you can't have the gum

and you can't. And it's just, it's overwhelming. Isn't it, Adam? And I feel like now, when we need all those vices, more than ever, we're not allowed to have any of them. I agree.

And, you know, it's interesting. We waged a war on smoking several years ago and essentially eradicated it. But we said that pot was good for you somehow. and, you know, and alleviated many of the symptoms of this and that and the other. And so now we got a whole bunch of young people who don't smoke, but do smoke pot.

They don't smoke cigarettes, but they smoke pot, and it's fucking them up. And we're so backwards and dumb in California that if you went to Santa Monica and ask the average mom in Santa Monica, California, would you rather your teenage son smoke cigarettes or smoke pot, they would all say pot? Yes, I think that's right. I think, look, we've just gone too far. You know, it's like in the same way, you shouldn't be having two packs a day or four packs a day of cigarettes. Like, do we have to get rid of all vices now when we're looking at, like, I don't know, an unnecessary war in the Middle East? We just did a segment yesterday that has totally freaked me out.

on AI, which is not only going to render all of our children jobless, but all the rest of us, possibly homeless, and also possibly dead. This morning, the news broke about how they've made this massive breakthrough in fighting and detecting pancreatic cancer. The big one, the one that like, you get pancreatic cancer, everybody thinks you're dead. You know, I mean, that's how it was when we grew up. It's like, that one only can get discovered way too late in the process and you're toast. Now they've got this AI. thing that can read, like, years in advance about whether you have pancreatic cancer. Great, great. I'm like, this is wonderful. But we'll be dead from a nuke unleashed on us by an AI robot before we can

ever actually have that saving moment. Right. It just seems like there's a lot of existential crises to concern ourselves with, and I'm really not a worrier. I am not a warrior. But like that stuff, it's happening, right? It's like, my husband's a writer in the book world. They're like, only a couple more years left of, you know, authorships. In the reporting world, there's young reporters who believe that job's going away because AI can do the job of a young reporter. In the law, you don't need first through third year lawyers anymore who do all the research. That's completely can be done by AI in medicine. Surgeries.

My friend is getting a hernia surgery. The guy gave him the option. Do you want a doctor to do it or do you a surgeon? Or do you want the machine to do? It's like, it's happening. The AI takeover is already happening. So in any event, we need our liquor and we might need unfiltered camels. I've never been a smoker, but I'm thinking about taking it up.

Agreed. Good. I'm glad. Well, that's a moment of unity in our last time together. I appreciate that. That'll give us something to do next time we see each other. And by the way, Megan, I understand the optics of this. You and I can maintain a friendship off the air.

It's not like we can't hang around and have a scotch and an unfiltered camel together. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I cannot, can no longer be on your program because of, the obvious chasm between the two of us. Yes. But there are many other people I won't be able to, shows I won't be able to do as well because of the obvious space. Disparity.

Yeah, the disparity. Sorry. Okay. I totally get it. I am now being moved to the back of the dark bar friend category as opposed to the one who can be on the arm at like a movie premiere. and I accept you on whatever terms you're willing to be with me, Adam. Right.

Now, I'll give you an example. Did you see the movie Goodfellas? In the Goodfellas, he was married to Lorraine Braco or whoever it was, but he had his side piece stashed in that apartment building. Okay. That's kind of where you're going to be living with me. But that's all right. I'll come by and we'll weigh out some Coke and have a good time.

and smoke some camel on filters and drink ourselves some scotch. It's fine. And I feel like even in that role, if somebody were to try to molest me, you would beat him to within an inch of his life with your pistol the way Henry did. Right? Hold on, Megan. I'm sorry. He did that for his wife.

He did that for his wife. I know. But that's not. No, but in this scenario. Yeah, but if you're being accurate to the movie, he did that for his wife, who he loves very much and lives with and goes openly out publicly with. You are my gumma who's stashed in the one bedroom, but I will come by. We will do coke. But if somebody molest you, you're kind of on your own. Me and my pet skunk. That's right. That's one of the greatest

lines ever when Lorraine Rocco in her character, she goes, I got to admit the truth. It turned me on. She's so good in that movie. And poor Ray Leotta gone too soon. I agree. All right, I want to ask you a question about L.A. The mayoral race is in full swing out there. And I know everybody's excited about Spencer Pratt, but this just broke before we came to air. Polymarket, you know, people have to put money behind their bets there. So we do pay some attention to what they're betting.

And this just in, Democratic Socialist, how do you pronounce that, Nithya, Raman, right? She's running out there, dubbed the next. Next mom, Donnie is now projected to win the L.A. mayoral election. 60% chance reports Pollymarket that she will lead the city of angels. So you too may be in for a Democratic socialist there. And we don't know what you're going to get at the gubernatorial level. We're praying at Steve Hilton, but we don't, you know, once it goes out to the general, knows. And on top of that, this let's take 5% of a billionaire's assets away from him, thanks to a ballot initiative that's going to be up for the vote. 1.5 million people signed on to having this be a ballot initiative and now it's going to be in November.

Yeah. So you can be in California. You can make it in Silicon Valley or in the Hollywood movie industry. You might be a billionaire. 5% of your assets on which you've already paid tax. You earned your money. You paid 50% tax, as the richest Americans do. You have some money left over. You buy a nice house. You buy a Mercedes. You buy a swimming pool. All the things. That has a net worth and the government's coming back for more wanting to take 5% of your net worth dated back to January. So even if you left in February, left in March, left this summer. No, you were here in January. So we're taking it. And then you can have a Democrat socialist to answer to it. in L.A. and we don't know what in the State House. Your thoughts? Nithia Raman is a full-fledged dope. Now, she's dangerous because she's a socialist, but she's also a dope. And I would ask your

crack staff to pull up a clip, which will blow your mind, Megan. I've played it on my program many times. It's a little window into how insane she is and what a true socialist she is. We have a big problem in Los Angeles, which is stealing of catalytic converters. People are getting shot and killed, not to mention just the scourge of waking. All the people who work for me have woken up, walked out to their car to realize their catalytic converter was stolen. Now, it's because Los Angeles become a third world. You're stealing minerals at this point. We're stealing catalytic converters to get the metals out of them, just like we pull the copper out of the street lamps to sell the copper,

the minerals we're selling. So we have spiraled into some no man's land where we're no longer stealing TV sets and car stereos. We're literally pulling elements, copper elements out of streetlights. She, Nithiaraman, spoke about this problem, and she spoke about who was to blame for the stealing of the catalytic conveys, And guess who she blamed?

She blamed Toyota. She said it was Toyota's fault that these catalytic converters were being stolen because they make it so easy for people to steal that basically compels people to steal. A catalytic converter is in the center of the car, underneath the car, basically tucked up in what would be a transmission tunnel, and it is welded in place. You must get a floor jack, jack the car up, get under it with a saws-all with a by-cutting metal blade, or a wheel with a four-inch grinder right angle with a carburendum blade, and literally cut the thing out. You must cut it out. Sparks will be flying. You don't just detach it. You have to literally cut it.

It is welded into the middle of the exhaust system. and there is a clip of her explaining how easy it is to steal and saying it's Toyota's fault for making it so easy to steal. This woman is categorically insane. She's insane. That's right up your alley. And she is easily the, she is more dangerous than Karen Bass and she's a full-fledged dope. Wow.

I mean, that boy, did she step on a rake? when it comes to your wheelhouse. Of all people, you're lifelong Angelino, and you're an expert on all things car and mechanical, and she decided to mix the two. Oh, we did fine. Okay, here it is. You are going to marvel at her stupidity.

And Megan, just because this is going to be our last ride, picture this, put your lawyer hat on, and picture her making this case in court in front of you. We have a company, you know, the Prieta, who makes the Prius that essentially has a device on their cars, which is super easy to remove. It's basically the value of a MacBook, right, that is put in a place that is incredibly easy to access in your car. And then the facts related to this issue have essentially all of the costs of that are given to us to be. instead of them having to manufacture a car that actually is not so easy to be stolen. By the way, she can't even speak.

She's like, instead of them manufacturing a car that's not so easily to be stolen. Okay, we're not stealing the car. So she's basically saying if you leave a laptop on your passenger seat and somebody smashes the window and takes it, it's on you for leaving a laptop. on your passenger seat. These damn people who are asking you, the damn women who wear the short skirts, what do they think is going to happen?

You shouldn't be jogging at night, my lady. That's kind of on you. We have another from her. Here's the other one we have cut, Deb. Let's watch it. I mean, it's like, I don't think a kid's going to be safer because a tent is 500 feet away from a stool. She's defending the placement of home.

homeless tents near schools. Yes. Saying a kid's not going to be safer if a tent's 500 feet away. It's fine. Right. And she rolled her eyes. She shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes when she was asked if it's safe for homeless encampments to be put up right near city school. So great.

So welcome to our world. I'm not in New York anymore, but I'm in the city all the time. Welcome to our world. I don't really hope you get a mom, Donnie. But if you do, you'll deserve it for having abandoned me so quickly. as soon as your star ascended. That's the truth. Well, you know, it is kind of,

she does make a point in this sense, which is we have many, many schools in Los Angeles. There's hundreds of schools in Los Angeles, and we have thousands, tens of thousands of homeless people. So at a certain point, there's a math problem, which is if you're going to have 100,000 people living on the streets, and you're going to have 5,000, schools, it's going to be nearly impossible to keep them all from being in front of the school.

True. Yeah. You may have to do something about the actual problem. So they'll go through the schools in L.A. They may walk outside and see the homeless encampments and the drug needles and the bent over methadone people who are staring at the Adam Carolla star. And then if they study really hard and do really well, they could one day wind up at Oxford. and what they may or may not see, depending on what part of Oxford they get into, is a professor by the name of Matt Rattley.

You won't be surprised when you see him to know that he goes by they, them. He's a lecturer, and this video of him has gone viral, though it was put out in January just now it's caught on. And let me introduce you to Matt, Adam. I'm in the process of putting a website together, and that is proving to be much harder than it probably should be. And the problem I'm running up against is. The Christy Gnome has been a fair partner.

Basically, what does it mean to be an expert in something? Because it's really not obvious to me at what point I could describe myself as an expert in something. I have expertise in things. It's insane. He's been teaching plenty. He's got long blue fingernails. He's pretty solid. But I think.

He's got a Paul Bunyan beard. I still have this feeling, but declaring myself an expert in something is a little bit uncomfortable. And I don't quite know on what basis I would feel comfortable doing that. All right. Declaring yourself an expert in something is uncomfortable? How about your enormous breasts? They look like the Brian Nome balloon breasts. He looks like Kayla Lemieux, the shop teacher up in Canada.

Yeah. This is an unwell person quite clearly, having access to the Oxford students everywhere. Also, his beard looks like it was fashioned from pubs. It has like a weird off-putting. It's off-putting, the beard. Also, it's also weird to see the beard interacting with the cleavage. You know what I mean? Because we successfully made it.

Our entire time on this planet without ever seeing a beard interact with cleavage. Like, I'm used to a medallion or a necklace or something. In the same person. Yes. Yes. It is weird to see the same person's beard making contact with one's cleavage, which is all clear. I got dollars to donuts. This guy's T-minus five days from being in Brian Nome's cell phone.

This is a beautiful friendship is about to be formed. here. This is what Brian Nome is doing. Brian Nome is putting in the fake huge boobs. He not only likes to look at him. He wears him. Like this guy, Matt Rattley, he puts him on the prosthetics in himself and prances around in his little leggings. We know from the Daily Mail. His therapy didn't work. He gets off on this. That's fine. If he wants to do that in the privacy of his cell phone with these ladies, that's between him and his wife, I guess. But this guy has Oxford. Oxford hired. him, Adam. And I'll bet you anything when you sign up to take Matt's class, they don't front for you. What the hell you're about to walk into? Now, I'll tell you the real problem here.

The real problem is, is some kid is going to object and ask to be transferred out of his class and then they will attack that child. That's the problem. A student is going to protest and then that student shall be disciplined. And that's the really sick. twisted part. He's the beginning of the sick twisted part. The real sick twisted part is when somebody actually says the truth about something and then you get into, you get pilloried and punished and suspended Jordan Peterson's style for speaking the truth. Yep. Yes. You know what? Remind your children. They have the right to walk out. They have the right to say no. They have the right to never see this teacher again,

just much in the same way Adam's about to do to us. It's their right. They can leave you in the dust. They can leave, notwithstanding the many years of friendship, because let's face it, bigger and better things are calling. Adam, good luck in your future endeavors, and we will be rooting for you and also your occasional visits

by our Charzé de Fair apartment. Yeah, I'll swing by. In our shiny blue dresses. I'll come by. Let's be ready. Good luck. Thank you. Thanks, Reagan.

We'll see you soon. Notwithstanding all the lies otherwise. Okay, coming up, the official poet of the Megan Kelly show, Joseph Massey, is back with a beauty of a new self-published book. We've got to talk to him about it and we got to support him as a massive FU to the cancellation fiends of the left who tried to ruin this man. And he refused to stay down. When the dollar's convertibility into gold ended in 1971, gold was fixed at $35 an ounce, 35. Fast forward to today and the U.S. dollar has lost more than 85% of its purchasing power. Gold, on the other hand, has increased in value by over 12,000 percent.

And that's why major firms like Vanguard and BlackRock hold significant positions in gold. And it's also why you may want to consider diversifying your savings with physical gold from Birch Gold Group. But it starts with education. Birch Gold just announced that their learn and earn precious metals event is on. This free online event rewards you for learning the basics of investing in precious metals. Sign up to get free silver on your next purchase. Get even larger incentives as you go. The more you learn, the more you can earn.

But you do have to act now as this special event only runs through April 30th. Time is a waste. Text my initials, M.K., to the next time. the number 989898 to join Birch Gold's Learn and Earn Precious Metals event by April 30th. That's MK to 98989898 today. What does it feel like when your clothes actually feel good? This spring, cozy earth, makes a strong case that what you wear at home matters just as much as what you wear outside of the house.

Maybe more. Let me tell you about the brushed bamboo jogger set. Made from viscos from bamboo, it's lightweight, breathable, and unbelievable. unbelievably soft with enough structure to feel put together even at home. And then there are their lakehouse clogs designed for everyday home life. They feature a cushioned footbed, ultra-soft interior, and easy slip-on design. They are supportive enough to stand in all day, yet cozy enough to forget you are even wearing them. And with easy returns and a lifetime warranty, it's comfort worth upgrading to. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day, not just the

moment you get home. Head to cozyearth.com. Use my code Megan for an exclusive 20% off. That's code Megan for an exclusive 20% off. And if you see a post-purched survey, mention that you heard about Cozy Earth right here on the MK show. Hey everyone, it's me, Megan Kelly. I've got some exciting news. I now have my very own channel on Sirius XM. It's called the Megan Kelly channel, and it is where you will hear the truth unfiltered with no agenda and no apologies. Along with the Megan Kelly Show, you're going to hear from people like Mark Halperin, Lake Lauren, Maureen Callahan, Emily Dershinsky, Jesse Kelly, Real Clear Politics, and many more. It's bold, no BS news. Only on the Megan Kelly Channel, Sirius XM 11, and on the Sirius XM app. We are joined now by the official poet of the

Megan Kelly show, Joseph Massey. He is out with a new book of poetry called Invisible Current. In it, he includes a touching tribute to our friend Charlie Kirk. Joseph, welcome back. It's great to see you. How are you? It's great to see you, too. I'm great. How are you? Good. You look cleaner cut. Are you like, did you have a makeover? Sort of. Not as extreme as Emily Jisinski's, but close. We will do the makeover for men, too. You are definitely eligible, notwithstanding the fact that you're X, Y, instead of X, X, X. Tell me where you are at this point in life, because we've been following your journey over these five years.

As a reminder to the listing audience, you were terrible. canceled by the truly evil poetry industry. They are among the meanest we have yet encountered amongst the cancellation brigade. And it was over an alleged me too situation where it was really just a meltdown with your ex where you were completely unfairly painted as this terrible man. And you decided not to stay down. You decided to just keep publishing on your own. No one would publish you. And you have managed to make a real career out of it. But at my five years, went from like, your substack is what dispatches from the basement. You were in the basement. You didn't really have a lot of nice things around you. And we kind of watched you move up a little bit

over the years. So what's, tell us where we are now. Well, that moving on up process was in large part thanks to your show and your audience. And thank you for that. And since the last book was published, America's The Poem was the last book. That book was a major blowout success. It went up to number 14 on Amazon out of all books. Wow. For a self-published book of poetry, I'm not sure that's ever happened. And so that the fact that I can sustain myself through royalties and substack subscriptions is completely unheard of in the poetry world.

And the fact that I haven't just disappeared still continues to piss off. off the poetry, literary, mainstream. But that's good. Does it? Like, how do you know? Oh, because they tweeted me and post about me when I posted the poem for Charlie Kirk. Some guy took it, a fairly well-known poet, and rewrote it to make it as disgusting as possible. Things like that.

Recently, a guy recorded a two-hour podcast about me and called. called me a piece of shit probably 50 times while admitting that he went over all the material about my cancellation and determined that I was framed and railroaded. But I have to be a POS to these people because I've been determined to be a pariah. And that's perfectly okay because I want nothing to do with them. Yeah, because in their world, you're nothing if you're not getting invited to the right cocktail parties or seminars or, you know, poetry book fairs. And you have to rub elbows with their kind, you see. And if you don't need them or play that game, you have to be otherized. You have to be

put down a notch. They have to convince themselves, you're a POS. That's the only reason you wouldn't be there. Otherwise, they have to look in the mirror and wonder whether it's them. So all of, like, that's one of the many things we love about your story is, like, it's driving them crazy and they're bullies. They really are bullies. They're so nasty. Who'd have thought the poetry world would be the meanest, but they are. They're even meaner than the media. And that's saying something, which is one of the many reasons. Everybody needs to buy Invisible Current. You can go on Amazon right now. It's 1599 by Joseph Massey, 1599. And let me tell you what I think you should do with this book. You should get one for yourself. And they should get a couple extra copies if you can afford it.

because I love, I did this with your last book, and I'm going to do it with this one too. I love giving these as like the housewarming gift instead of a bottle of wine. People are sick of the bottles of wine. You know, it's like half the time they don't even notice that you've brought it. You know, it's like a nothing.

But a book of poetry that has a story behind it and why it's meaningful, that's a great gift. Somebody's like, oh, you actually spent some time thinking about me. So that's why you should go, among many other reasons. And by Invisible Current,

by Joseph Mazian. Amazon right now for 1599. So how do you print all the books? Like, how do you self-publish? It's through Amazon's KDP program. When I was researching ways to self-publish, that one made the most sense because authors get the most royalties. So I went with them, and the process is very simple. And I've been lucky to find designers for the books because the books need to look good. and I've tried to admit, you know, I've been very attentive to making them look good. The work needs to look good on the page, be framed properly. And so...

Well, that's part of what's so appealing about your work is the aesthetic, because in addition to writing beautiful poetry, you're an amazing photographer. And the poems I love in this book, because they are sort of about the things that you photograph, which is nature. You find such beauty in a puddle or in a church window or in a leaf or a winter tree branches.

So this, like a lot of your work, merges the two, but is specifically focused on the seasons. And the seasons are so meaningful. Like they really are, you know, they're metaphorical for the seasons of our lives. They're, you know, factual in terms of what we experience when we wake up in the mornings and spend our days. They can have such an effect on mood. And you capture all of that in your writings. I'll read some of them, but you capture the joy that you feel that I know you and I both feel in fall. And most of our listeners probably do too.

you know, some of the melancholy of winter. You feel some melancholy in summer. I know you're not a fan. That's correct. Yeah, it's not my favorite season. But I really enjoy writing the I hate summer poems. I think it's a genre I've created on my own. Why don't you like the summer?

Well, it's too hot. And I'm not built for that. I melt. I turn into a large rash in the sun. I hate the beach, as you know. It's just a big garbable. pile to me, why anybody would want to sit in hot sand for hours at a time is very strange to me. And, yeah, I don't like it.

I can relate. As I say, I spend my summers at the beach, but I don't like sand or the sun or sharks or sitting. So it's, you know, it's an odd choice. Okay, let me do, I want to read from some. Here is, with your permission, here's under autumn. We both love autumn and winter. And that's, I mean, honestly, if you grew up in upstate New York, you love autumn and winter. It's like you have to because winter's 10 months long.

And, you know, it's your season. It's like you're around the year's season. Okay. Under autumn, this again is from Invisible Current by Joseph Massey. You can buy it right now on Amazon. It reads in part as follows. Beginning again in October's amber and orange. I got to put on my readers.

My eyes are just starting to go. Start again. beginning again in october's umber and orange hum to speak there was a wall all summer that tied my tongue to the traffic's shadow this morning cold air clapped my mouth into a sound that spoke me awake bright beyond alarm a red barn wall imprinted with the shadow of a maple october's slant light slices clean dark portal i stare into it as if i could think a thought with such force i might find myself dropped on the other side. Morning's fog, dulled sun filters through a web of red leaves. I live within windows. Think into their vision. A late season, late time, reignites the senses. Lord, don't let them close. Keep the

signal clear, the song, open. To take in what's left of October, the colors that trail behind and within me as I walk beneath the flares sent up with a vividness that the senses stumble to apprehend. The red-singed yellows, I hear them more than see them, and somehow the sound lodges in my throat. How does sound come from color and pass through the body, making the flesh transparent to passing weather? Only in October, this negotiation between apparent loss and accumulation. Come on. Beautiful. Nobody writes it like you do. No one sees it like you do, Joseph. That's what I love about you. I read those words. I feel I'm there. I know exactly what you. I know exactly what you. you're looking at and I know what you're feeling deep inside of you and I share in it.

That's that's the idea. I want to bring the reader into that experience of the senses being immersed in this particular environment. And you, by the way, you read it beautifully. You should record the audiobook, please. Talk, talk to, talk to my agent. So sweet. Yes. Thank you. I'm sure it would not be the same as having you do it. You wrote the elegy for Charlie, which was so beautiful, and we read that at the time. I'm sorry to take it here, but I've got to show you this. This happened just recently.

It was, I think it happened on Saturday. It was a group of high schoolers. It's almost too despicable to repeat, but it's literally the opposite of your ode. They used audio from the moment Charlie Bollers. was assassinated, the shooting itself for their prom outfit transition videos. I'm going to show it to you. Forgive me. Here it is.

Counting or not counting gang violence. And then it shows them in their dresses. They got all sorts of props online for people from this who celebrated it. They loved it. They thought it was clever. I mean, truly, if your poems are beauty written down on the page, that is. is ugliness alive on the screen? It's the polar opposite of what you do.

Yeah, and that's what's invading the culture. I mean, I was, I knew there would be some disgusting things posted after Charlie Kirk was shot, the day he was shot, and then the days that followed. I did not actually, maybe I'm naive. I didn't expect quite that amount of horrific vitriol and the completely cavalier attitude. towards death and not just any death, but a death that was on display for the whole world in such a horrific way. My nephew sent me the video when Charlie Kirk was shot. I felt like I was going to faint. It was so horrible.

And I was watching your show when the news came out that he had died. And that feeling, that sickness in my stomach hasn't left and the anger really hasn't left. And I wrote the poem to channel. that. But, you know, my hope is poetry can help people resensitize themselves to the world because what you just showed is just a horrible sense. It's a horrible way to live in such a desensitized way where death is something to be mocked and made fun of. It's truly disgusting. That's what's happening to us. You know, I tweeted about this the other day. Like, I don't like scrolling and just you casually see an animal abuse video or a child abuse video or children.

beating a living hell out of one another. Just casually, it's trying to catch up on the news. It's, I'm not desensitized to it, and I don't wish to be, you know. I, maybe you can handle out with a filter, not that I have been able to find. I don't think that should be possible. And I do think if you get enough of those inputs into your life, you become desensitized. You think, like this woman, this young teenager does, that this is funny. It's okay. You can, you can make fun of something like an assassination of a dear, husband and father. And what's the antidote to stop that? But there needs to be positive inputs as well. You know, truly, this is why people should read genuinely invisible current. You need positive

inputs or you become like them. That's right. Yeah. I mean, that is the role of art in our age is to resensitize people, to bring them back into the world, into experiencing ordinary life as a sacred thing and to just be in their own bodies and to experience their own breath to take a break from the doom scrolling, which is this bizarre hypnosis. I was listening to some philosopher talk.

I don't remember her name, but she made a point to say, I don't want to become desensitized to images. And that really stuck with me because I feel like we are becoming desensitized to images. And these kids have, grown up with being bombarded with horrible things online. And we see the fruits of that. And it's not good fruit. We've had some distance from. We didn't grow up with 24-7 internet.

And I thank God for that. I probably, who knows where I would be if I had the internet in my life as a child. But it's incumbent. We were. We were outside all the time. Just like, you know, our parents always said, play outside. And now they're having a very different. experience that the book is a little bit of outside brought to your coffee table or your bedside table or your child's coffee table or bedside table like your children should read this too it's an it's an easy read it's not like you know impossible to understand or they're going to have to reread it four times and understand the you know what jose is saying it's a it's an easy read in that you don't have to work for it it just rolls over you like like i say about the show our goal is

cool water over a hot brain and that's what invisible current by joseph Massey is too. Thank you for continuing to put these works of beauty and art out into the ether, even though they tried to stop you. Thank you, Megan. God bless you. You too. It's wonderful to see you. And wait, where can people check out the substack just so in case they want to read your dispatches? Just Google dispatches from the basement, and you'll find it. And if you want, you can sign up and you can get an email from Joseph with his latest. And it's just a burst of positivity, serenity. into your day, whether you're scrolling by on Twitter and you see his feed, or you get your email from Joseph, or you just go there to a substack or pick up his latest book. Please support his work.

Invisible Current is the name of the latest. It's available right now on Amazon for 1599 by Joseph Massey, M-A-S-S-E-Y, and help him rise up the charts as a statement to his bullies, who tried to bully us all in their own disgusting way that we won't stay down and we won't let one of our soldiers remain down if you attack him either. Thank you. Thank you all for listening today. Thanks for supporting Joseph, and we will be back tomorrow with our Friday show. Thanks for listening to The Megan Kelly Show. No BS, no agenda, and no fear.