The Megyn Kelly Show - Meghan Markle's $100K Grift, George Clooney's Controlling Wife, and Minnesota Somali Daycare Fraud

Episode Date: January 3, 2026

Start 2026 right and subscribe to Spot On now:Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/spot-on-with-link-lauren/id1812663737Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2RPHR4jKTJqkruxJjn6kzn?si=954974315d3848bfYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@spotonwithlink?sub_confirmation=1 Link Lauren breaks down Minnesota’s ongoing daycare fraud allegations, Zohran Mamdani’s pick for FDNY fire commissioner, and Kamala Harris’ dating advice. Then, Link dives into a Meghan Markle update including Meghan and Harry losing their 11th publicist, the renaming of their foundation, and what they charge donors for a private dinner. Plus, George Clooney has a new acting rule, and Link dives his “best and worst” of 2025.  Cowboy Colostrum: Get 25% Off Cowboy Colostrum with code LINK at https://www.cowboycolostrum.com/LINKMasa Chips: Ready to give MASA or Vandy a try? Get 25% off your first order by going to http://masachips.com/LINK and using code LINK Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Well, my friends, welcome back to Spot On with Link, Lauren. It's our last episode of the year. Okay, I don't know about you. 2025 has felt a thousand years long, but it's also gone by in an instant. I feel like I'm crawling on broken glass to get to the end of this year. Okay, we have a few days left. Okay. 2025 has felt like a mix of that show, Survivor, naked and afraid, fear factor, wipe out. Like, we're all just trying to get to the end of this year. I read your comments. So you guys know I read all of your comments. I read on Instagram, on X, on TikTok everywhere. People have had a hard time this year, right?

People have experienced loss. They've had high highs and low lows. I think we're all just ready for a fresh start. I hope that all of our problems from 2025 don't follow us into the new year. I'm always delusional on New Year's Eve, I think. When the clock strikes 12, okay, all my problems are going to wash away, blank slate, tabula rossa, clean. But no, I think we will have to still contend with some of these issues. but people need this break. They need a little bit of downtime. I hope you had an amazing,

amazing, amazing Christmas or Hanukkah to all of our Jewish viewers, you know, Shabbat Shalom. Christmas morning for me was very chill. We got up, we slept in a little bit. We opened up some gifts. Now, you guys know, I always say the best gifts come in really small packages, right? Like diamonds and watches and things like that. I opened a small package and I thought, oh my God, it's a ring, it's a watch, it's something fancy. It's kind of heavy. It's wrapped. in nice paper. Turns out it was a candle. Turns out it was a candle. I'm holding this box it's wrapped in paper with a bow. I'm like, oh, it's a ring. It is a ring. Turns out it's a candle. I will tell you guys, though, at least the candle came with a wick, unlike Megan Markle's

candle. So that was the inside joke. I got other incredible Christmas gifts. I got a keyboard, so I'll maybe be doing some parody songs. You might be doing some singing on the show. I was actually thinking of doing a parody now that I have the keyboard of a hard-knock life from Annie, but it's going to be about being Megan Markle's publicist or assistant. You know, it's a hard-knock life when she's walking around the house screaming at us and wanting us to help her make her jams, jellies, and dog biscuits. So we might be doing that. I got some clothes for Christmas. I got this shirt. Other than that, you guys, I don't really care about material things, but it is nice to get some clothes on Christmas because I don't have that gay gene where I love to go shopping. In fact,

I hate shopping. If I'm in a store, I'm there to get in and get out. There's a reason I order clothes online. I'll get t-shirts on Amazon. I'll wear the same thing over and over and over to the point where my friends and family are calling and saying, you've worn that shirt a hundred times in a hundred videos in so many episodes. So I hate shopping. So it was nice to get some shirts and some sweaters for Christmas and I will probably be wearing them for decades and decades to come. Now, I heard from many of you guys, a lot of you said that you were with family on Christmas, that you were stressed. Some women were writing me saying they were hiding out in a back room from their in-laws.

They're like, I'm hiding from my kids. They need to go back to school. Christmas break will not end. And then some folks were alone on Christmas. And I always say there is no shame in being alone on Christmas. New Year's is coming up. There's absolutely no shame in that. There are folks who are single, they're widowed, their kids have moved on.

And so there's absolutely no shame in being alone. And I mean, some women were writing me saying they woke up on Christmas and their husbands woke up wanting them to put out. Okay, men, let me just tell you, okay, your girlfriend or your wife, she's been up all night doing the tree, wrapping gifts, putting out, you know, milk and cookies for Santa, prepping meals, getting ready for your in-laws and family to arrive. The last thing your girlfriend or your wife wants to do on Christmas morning is put out. Okay, the last thing he wants to do.

You can go stuff someone else's stocking. That is the last thing that your girlfriend or wife wants to do. Okay. In fact, what she probably wants the most for Christmas is to be left alone. Okay. Unless it is Santa Claus himself. Unless Santa Claus himself is there, your wife wants to be left alone and she doesn't want to put out. Okay. Now, I was thinking about this this morning. Mrs. Claus, okay? Mrs. Claus is a very brave woman. Okay. She sends her husband all around the world, all night long, sliding down people's chimneys. Okay, there's no wonder he comes home smelling like a brothel with every venereal disease under the sun. Okay, you send your husband out to every

woman's home on earth in one night. He's going to come home with something, okay? And there is a double standard between men and women, right? Like, look at Mrs. Claus. Mrs. Claus, she's let herself go a little bit. She's gotten older. Santa Claus, he can get old. He can get fat. He can grow a beard. He can live in the North Pole. Women are still throwing themselves at him. Okay, this is the double standard. And ladies, you know this in society. A man can get fat, old and hairy with a beard, as long as he's got a sleigh and some elves in the workshop and a nickel in his pocket, he's still hot stuff. Mrs. Claus, you know, she's washed up the old bitty sitting at home in the North Pole. She never even leaves the house. She never even leaves the house. I mean,

you want to talk about Bush Noel. You want to talk about a Bush Noel. Mrs. Claus probably hasn't been wax since the most requested gift was a Teddy Ruckskin. Okay. Mrs. Claus, I don't think she's doing a lot of maintenance up there in the North Pole. But let this be a lesson, okay, to all the women out there, don't send your husband around the world all night sliding down people's chimneys, okay? And Mrs. Claus, a little note to you. Okay, go do some maintenance, change up your look. Surprise him. When Santa Claus comes home on Christmas morning after traveling and gallivanting the globe, dropping gifts off in people's houses, eating all those cookies and milk, surprise them. You know, surprise them with some lawn. Ray's prize with an outfit, Mrs. Claus. It's your job to spice it up. Okay? It is your job to spice it up. So, Santa and Mrs. Claus, we wish you the best. I was also thinking this morning, if I had kids, right? Let's say I adopted, you know, a little Somalian kid because Somalian daycares are really in right now. We're going to talk about that later in the show. So I adopt a little Somalian kid, you know,

with the front teeth, the eyes a little too close together. I would probably not even tell my kid Santa is a thing. Okay, I don't want my kid to think that some stranger came to their house at night to give them gifts. You know, oh, my God, thank you, Santa. Thank you for the gift. Thank you, Santa. Thank me. Think dad.

Think dad and mom. Okay, think Daddy. You want to thank Santa. Okay, Daddy had to sit on a podcast 20 years ago selling chips and promo codes for vitamins to buy you that Game Boy in PlayStation and Xbox. You know what I'm saying? I'll be damned if I have a kid someday and he's like, oh, thank you, Santa. Thank you.

You work so hard. No, mom and dad worked hard in this economy. Okay, parents out there, I would love to hear from you. Are you going to do the whole Santa routine? I think first day, first day I bring my Somalia and kid home, Santa's not real, okay? Just be glad you're here and not in Somalia, okay? And shut it. You could be in Somalia, you know, shucking corn or whatever they do over there.

Be glad you're living here in America. So no, Santa, he's not real. I'm not doing the whole Santa bit. The last thing I want to say before we get into the show, I finally got my copy of interview magazine with Jeremy Allen White on the cover. I was interviewed for this maybe two months ago and I thought they're going to cut me. There's no way they're going to include me because when you're not liberal and part of that kind of cool club, especially me, you know, I'm gay, I'm conservative, I'm more common sense.

There's no way. There's no way I'm going to be featured in like a cool New York City magazine that the cool she-she people read. But they did include me. You know, I'm kind of at the back. I'm a little bit at the back. You know, let's see. Where am I?

Here I am. So I did an interview, a picture of me. They did a picture of me in front of Air Force One, which I love. I'm incredibly grateful for all the opportunities I've had this year. 2025 has been an amazing year. And it's only because of the people who watch me and support me, right? Very seldom do people in my own business, you know, give me a shout out, give me a retweet. It's only because of you guys sharing and supporting me.

So I'm grateful to be included because when you're conservative in any way, shape, or form, you're almost never included in things like this. So I'm glad to be included. Without further ado, let's dive into the show. Before we get into Megan Markle and George Clooney, the big story this week, I think this year, this decade, is the Somalian fraud that's gone down in Minnesota. And Nick Shirley, he's an independent journalist. He went there to Minnesota on the ground.

He went door to door to all of these daycare centers that are Somalian owned. There are no children there. These daycare centers are getting millions and millions and millions of dollars. They have no kids. It's all a fraud. It's all a scam. It's all a scheme. He's gotten a hundred million views.

He's an icon. He's a legend. I started following him a while ago. And so he's really put boots on the ground and done the work. I found out last night, he was a Mormon missionary for two years. So that probably explains why he's good, going door to door, talking to strangers. And I mean that with the utmost respect. He is fearless. He will go door to door. Ding dong. Hello. I'm here. Can I talk to you? Can I interview you?

But this really is disgusting. It's despicable. It's disgusting. And I've heard from so many people who even used to support Tim Walls. They're like, I voted for Tim Walls. I was a total liberal Democrat. Now I could never support him because why are my hard-earned tax dollars, billions of dollars, going to Somalian daycares where there are no children? Absolutely no children. So let me read you a little bit about what's going on. So Nick visited the quality learning center in Minneapolis, but the sign was misspelled. It said quality leering center, okay, and then no one would come to the door. Okay, quality leering center, I don't think there's a lot of leering going on. Like, y'all are going to leer today. Okay, y'all are going to leer today. If they can't even spell their sign properly, you'll have to get deported and sent back to Somalia. I don't care if it sounds heartless.

You guys got to go back to Somalia. So when he tried to speak to the staff, he was actually accused of being an ICE. agent. Now, if you saw this guy, okay, he's about my age, young, handsome kid, he does not look like an ice agent, okay? He does not look like an ice agent. He's simply doing his civic duty, going door to door, asking, hey, you've received a million dollars. Why are there no kids at your daycare? This is really concerning. Now, Tim Walls, in my opinion, he has to be getting kickbacks. There's no way Tim Walls is not getting a kickback. There's these billions and billions of dollars that are going out to these Somalians. Don't you think Tim Walls is getting a little bit of

something. I think Tim Walls needs to be called in tomorrow and put under oath and interrogated. I would love to see Tim Walls behind bars. I said this on social media. I think it would heal the country if we saw Mr. Jazz hands, Tim Walls, blocked up behind bars. I do think he would enjoy prison a little too much. Okay. He'd be the first inmate to drop the soap on purpose. He's the first person to really enjoy going to prison because being locked up with a bunch of fit, tatted, you know, criminals is his fantasy. If you look at his internet search history, I would imagine. So Tim Walls would probably love prison. He'd probably be the bottom bitch of the cell block. He'd probably have all the inmates doing like a sing-along version of Wicked after the first

month. Okay, he'd have them doing show tunes and choreography. That's who Tim Walls is. But he put out a statement saying that basically he's worked for years to crack down on fraud and he's asked, you know, the state to look into all of the fraud and he's tried to strengthen oversight and launch investigations. It's all a bunch of lip service. I'm not even going to read you this full statement because it's all lip service and baloney. And this. isn't even a partisan issue, right? I'm from Texas, right? I like Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, know these guys. If there was this level of fraud happening in Texas, billions of dollars going to Somalians who hate our country under their watch, I would call them out too. I'm sure you guys feel the

same way if you're in a red state. You would call out your governor, your senator, whoever, your attorney general, if this was happening, this doesn't even have to do with politics. But I do think Tim Walz is a sicko. I think he's a criminal. And I think he needs to be locked up. Now, Representative Comer, who runs the House Oversight Committee, I saw this morning on the news, I think he will be calling Tim Walls in. I think Tim Walls needs to be called in. I imagine documents are already being deleted, destroyed, combusted, lit on fire. I don't even know if I used the word combust it properly, but I imagine all the documents are being destroyed. I think Tim Walls needed to be called in months ago when this first started to be discussed, right?

When this first started to happen and there was smoke and there was fire, I think that's when, Tim Walls needed to be called in. But I also have to question, what kind of parent would even drop their kid off at a daycare where there's this person working the door? And we'll put a picture up on the screen. Like, would you drop your kid off at this daycare center? Like, hello, who's in there? My thing is also, for all the Muslims and the Somalians who wear the sheets, I'm just asking this genuinely, my iPhone barely recognizes me half the time. Okay? My friends will go get like a nose job, their lips done, some Botox. The iPhones, like, we don't recognize. you with the face ID. How do y'all get your iPhones to open when you're covered in sheets?

That's one reason I can never be Muslim, other than I think some of them would throw me off of buildings. I don't want to have to type in the code for my iPhone every single time. Okay? So that's just the whole situation. When I look at this picture, how does she get her iPhone to open? But what kind of parents are sending their kids to this type of facility anyway? But it turns out there are no kids. So shout out to independent media, independent journalists. Shout out to the folks on the ground going door to door doing this incredible work. Well, New York City, where I used to live, continues to go down the tubes. And if you live in New York City, I hope that your apartment never catches on fire because Zora Mondani has appointed a clown.

A clown to be the next FD&Y's commissioner, okay? He is appointed former EMS chief Lillian Bonseigneur, who's basically this sort of overweight lesbian with a buzzed head, you know, someone Rosie O'Donnell would pick up at a bar. And this woman, and the word woman is doing heavy lifting, like the scale at her home, this woman is now in charge, I guess, of working with Zormontani on firemen and firefighters and all of these things. I just have to tell you, okay, if your apartment is burning to the ground, do you want the LGBT lesbian with a shaved head showing up in Birkenstocks, or do you want a hot fireman? Okay, do you want the hot fireman who looks like he came out of a catalog, or do you want

the overweight lesbians showing up. And shout out to all the lesbians. Shout out to all the big lesbians. I'm actually pretty cool with the lesbians. I'm going to be honest. Lesbians have some respect for me. They know I keep it real. But who would you rather have show up if your house is burning down? Probably the guy who's put out a fire before. And we actually have a clip, okay? There is a news clip where this woman, Lillian, is being praised as an LGBTQ trailblazer. Although she never served as a firefighter. She's confident that won't matter. I know the job. I know what the firefighters need and I can translate that to this administration who's willing to listen. I know what EMS needs. I have been EMS for 30 plus years.

Bonsignor is a trailblazer for the LGBTQ community who will serve as the FDNY's first openly gay commissioner. Notice, never served as a firefighter. And this is the person Zora and Mamdani has appointed to look over the fires. Okay, all of you in New York City need to go out and buy fire extinguishers and take matters into your own hands. Okay, if your house is burning down, I would not trust, okay, Birkenstocks here to come and save the day. Imagine you're outside your building in New York. It's burning to the ground and comes walking up, okay, with some, you know, capri pants of cargo shorts, Birkenstocks, that shaved head, maybe a tank top with, you know, free the nipple slogan on it or some BS, some lesbian stuff.

She walks up, okay, and you're like, wow, I'm so grateful the LGBT trailblazer is here. You know what? The building is blazing. The building is blazing. We don't need an LGBT trailblazer showing up. We need a man with a hose. Okay. I want a man with a big, wet hose to come put out my fire.

I don't want big lesbian here. I don't want Rosie O'Donnell showing up if my building is burning to the ground, okay? Do you want Rosie O'Donnell showing up when your building's burning down? or do you want hot-ripped firemen with a hose? Okay, a hose. At least in New York City, the fire hydrants have water. That was not the case in California with Gavin Newsom. But we will be monitoring this story.

I imagine this is not going to end well because this is where there's smoke, there's fire. I do think there's going to be a disaster. When you appoint a bunch of DEI hires and a bunch of, you know, LGBT people just to check boxes, just to really piss off conservatives at this point. I think that's what Zora and Mom Dani is doing with these appointments. Something bad is going to happen. Now, something bad is probably going to happen if you take dating advice from Kamala Harris. So Kamala Harris is on a podcast recently where she decided to opine and give some relationship advice.

We actually have a clip of it. Let's take a look and then discuss. You know, I mean, and there are different phases in your life. And depending on what phase you're in, maybe you're going to choose that you want to have that kind of Friday night relationship. Or you want that. Sunday morning relationship. Sometimes they go together and sometimes you can get both. And sometimes they just is oil and water.

Yes, yes. And so, and that's okay. You know, you be in those phases where you are having fun. Now your life has to be in shambles to take dating advice from Kamala Harris. Okay, Kamala Harris is the biggest flop in political history. Okay, Kamala Harris, they call her the doorknob in California because everybody's had a turn, okay? Everyone's had a turn on Kamala Harris in California. And I don't even hate on the girl.

Did she kind of sleep her way to the top and use her sort of charm and her laughter and her silk press to get to where she is? Yes. Does she have any achievements as a legislator, as vice president? No, absolutely not. She doesn't at all. But she has somehow been able to use her charm and, you know, maybe she's had that type of Friday morning relationship that she talks about. I've never seen a woman at this level in the public eye condone one-night stands or having frivolous sex. But this is sort of what the left is about anyway, right?

They hate conservative values. They want more abortions. They don't want family. So I'm not really shocked to see Kamala Harris opining and giving this type of advice. But I just don't think I would be taking any advice from Kamala Harris. I mean, this is a woman who spent $2 billion in 107 days blew it. I don't know what she blew it on, boxed wine in the mini bar. She blew billions of dollars.

107 days. She was sent packing resoundingly. She lost every swing state and the popular boat, the House, the Senate, everything, sent home. I would not be taking life advice from her, but I would rather her be going on these little podcast and talking about dating and having one-night stands than being in charge of the nuclear codes. So that I will take every single day of the week. And the podcast she was on is called The Rich Little Broke Girls podcast. So Kamala's career is going well. when you're on the rich little broke girls podcast that I've never heard of and you are a former vice president you might want to reassess you might want to reassess your career and the last thing I'll say is Kamala Harris's husband Doug remember he was accused of open face slapping and hitting a woman

so hard she spun around in circles allegedly and he was never asked about it because the liberal media protects their own it's interesting to see her give life advice and dating advice when she basically has an abusive man living in her house, right? You have an abuser of women living in your house and you thought he was going to be okay being the first gentleman of the United States. So I don't really want to take any type of life advice or dating advice from you, Kamala.

But we've got to pay some bills. After we pay some bills, we will be back to talk about all things Royal and Megan Markle. Recently, I learned about colostrum, the very first milk known as liquid gold that babies receive from their mothers after birth, packed with proteins, natural growth factors, anti-microbial peptides that work to enhance your immune response, reduce inflammation, repair and balance gut lining, reduce bloating, and make

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And after you purchase, they will ask where you heard about them. Please support and tell them we sent you. Well, now we have to talk about the Duke and Duchess of Scam a lot. Okay, it's a hard-knock life for us. It's a hard-knock life from Megan Markle's publicist. Apparently, she has lost her 11th publicist. She and Prince Harry lost their 11th publicist. Meredith Maine.

She resigned after the couple had all that drama with the Kardashians. They went to the Kardashians' birthday, okay? then they complained allegedly that some pictures ended up online. I'm sorry. You go to a Kardashian party where there are cameras. They're going to be pictures of you on the internet. I'm sorry if you look bloated. I'm sorry if you didn't like the angles. But the Kardashians, I mean, we discovered Kim on her back in a sex tape. Okay. We discovered her on her back and you're acting like you thought you were going to have privacy. They've had a reality show since I was born and you're shocked that you're not going to have privacy at their party. So apparently the publicist has resigned.

A source has told page six that she resigned before Christmas, but she's staying through. new year to help with the transition. Well, let me tell you, I don't think there's a lot of work going on between Christmas and New Year's. Hello, except for us, who's working? An insider tells us that the drama with the Kardashians was the final straw. I don't blame her. You know, Megan Markle is so meticulous about her image and she's focusing on all the wrong things. You're worried about the fact that you don't look so hot in some pictures with the Kardashians. You should be worried about what's going on on the inside. And I will say, I was in an airport recently. I had to have some dental work, which has required me to fly. I still don't feel. great, but it was in the airport. And they had the Harper's Bazaar. Okay, they had the Harper's Bazaar that Megan Markle was on the cover of. And let me just tell you, the pictures are even worse in person. When you look at them up close, I swear they're trying to sabotage her. Okay. You know there was probably some misogynistic, bitchy gay working there on set who's like, yes, queen, yes, queen, you look amazing. Oh, this guy looks good. Actually, hold on. He's like, this Ralph Lauren at, he looks good. Hold on. This guy looks at it. I haven't actually looked at the magazine.

But no, Megan Markle, you know there's probably some bitchy gay on set who's like, yes, queen, no makeup, you look stunning. No, okay, the Duchess of Sun Damage, she needs a little makeup. There's nothing wrong with saying that. You know, we don't all have to be Pamela Anderson and go out there Raw on the red carpet. Okay, Pamela Anderson's another one we've seen Raw. But no, some of these pictures, diabolical. I mean, she was being set up, okay?

You can tell she has no real gay friends, maybe that Marcus Anderson, but no. If Megan Markle had real, like, what is this? What is this? Okay, it doesn't look great. So I had to get this magazine. I don't know. Maybe this is also why her publicist resigned. Here she is when she was cosplaying Princess Diana. Remember, we had a side-by-side. This is when she was totally recreating Princess Diana's look. She's sick. She's sick. But they continue putting her, oh, hold on. Hold on. memory all alone touch me it's so easy to leave

oh Megan Markle anyway they'll keep putting her on the cover of these liberal rags because I guess they still think she's royalty she hasn't been in the royal family in what almost 10 years but they'll keep putting her in these rags because she's clinging to that title she's clinging to that title it's like when a woman is married to a really rich guy for like

six months and she hangs on to that last name she's like I am still Sandra Rockefeller Rothstein the third. It's like, bitch, you were in the family for six weeks. Okay, I have food that's been in my fridge longer than that, you whore. So anyway, Megan Markle, you look terrible. Your career's, you know, down the tubes, in the gutter. Megan Markle, in six months, she'll be doing only fans.

And we'll be the only fans watching. So there's that. Okay, Megan Markle, she's also renamed her foundation. Apparently she and Harry are renaming Archwell Foundation to be Archwell Philanthropies to mark its fifth anniversary. They say this next chapter allows us the Duke and Duchess of Sussex to broaden our global philanthropic efforts

as a family with meaningful reach and maximum impact. Honey, talk dirty to me. Meaningful reach and maximum impact. That's actually what they have on the side of a vibrator. Meaningful reach, maximum impact, actually. Okay, so meaningful reach, maximum impact, every woman's dream,

grounded in the same values, partnerships, and their commitment to show up and do good. What good have they done? What good have they done? They backstab their entire family. They've done nothing. She did a Christmas special. She did arts and crafts. She's done photo shoots.

She did a candle that didn't have a wick. So I don't know what good Megan Markhal has even done with her philanthropic endeavors. It's sort of like putting lipstick on a pig. Changing the name of your philanthropic institution is probably a sign that they're desperate for funds and they're like, let's just rename it. You know, it's like MSNBC. You know, they changed MSNBC to MS now, MS now. So it's like, let's just put lipstick on a pig. Let's recreate it. Maybe people will forget. Last topic, as it pertains to Harry and Megan, they're apparently hoaring themselves out. They're still hoaring themselves out. When I told

you guys, Megan Markle was going to be doing only fans, I didn't realize how real that was. I'm looking at these notes now. Prince here and Megan Markle, they're charging donors $100,000 to have dinner to raise funds for their charity. The couple turned to charity buzz a fundraising platform to facilitate the dinner. So basically, Megan Markle, if you pay her $100,000, she will come have dinner with you. That is how desperate they are for cash. Like, listen. Okay, this woman has fallen from grace. Okay. At this point, she might as well have been on, you know, Epstein's plane, this hooker. A hundred thousand dollars, she will come have dinner with you. I can't even believe that I'm reading that.

I can't believe I'm reading that. Megan Markle, at this point, you're nothing more than a yacht girl. You're a yacht girl, you're an escort, you're charging 100K to have dinner. I'm just, I'm here to tell you also, listen, I am fun, I am a good time, I'm quick-witted. I will have dinner for 99,000, okay? If Prince Harry and Megan are charging 100,000, I will come have dinner with you for like 98. Okay, I'll come have dinner for, you know, an Uber and Amazon gift card and some air miles, bitch. $100,000 and you can have dinner with Prince Harry and Megan Markle.

Don't you know, don't you know Catherine and William and Charles and Camilla are over in the UK having tea going, oh my God, the desperation. The desperation. I mean, talk about desperate housewives. Desperate housewives. You're now charging people to have dinner with you. Charging people. It's because your candles don't have wicks. Your products suck. Your jams taste like cyanide, in my opinion. And so now you've got to charge $100K to have dinner. Megan Markle, it's come full circle. Okay, Megan Markle, she's come full circle. She's gone full escort at this point. She went from allegedly being an escort 20 years ago on a yacht to now she's charging for dinner. It's just her rate has gone up.

Actually, you've got to give it to the girl 100,000. I will pay 100,000 to not have dinner with Megan Markle, okay? I will actually pay money to never have to hang out with Megan Markle or Prince Harry in my life, okay? The conversation is awkward. Megan Markle, she's not funny. She seems very awkward to have any sort of repartee with, okay? You can't have a rapport with her because she's weird. She's awkward.

She has these jokes that aren't funny. And look, I'm not saying I'm the funniest thing on earth, but I know what's funny. Megan Markle, she's not. Prince Harry, he's probably strung out on psychedelics. Who wants to pay to have dinner with a washed up Duke and Duchess? Nobody. Absolutely nobody. At this point, y'all are just high-class escorts.

I have more respect for the Kardashians than I do Harry. and Megan. At this point, Kim Kardashian, okay, would never have dinner with anyone for just $100,000. Okay, Chris Jenner would be there counting that cash. She won't do an Instagram post for less than a million. You think she's going to come have dinner for $100K? I'm also in my head. I'm so type. I'm like, okay, 100K at a 30-something percent tax rate. It's this much after taxes, plus transportation is transportation included. How long is the dinner? I mean, I would have to have all these things stipulated in my contract if I were here in Megan. But, We wish the two little scammers well.

We wish the huckster as well. Good luck hoaring yourselves around Southern California. I imagine that a lot of wealthy sort of princes and Middle Eastern guys will be paying $100K for Megan Markle. But also maybe not. Like Megan Markle, you know, I love women of all different ages. But if a guy is going to pay $100K for a woman to have dinner with him, wouldn't he do like Bella Hadid or Gigi Hadid? Like, are you going to do sort of this washed up ex-Duches with the – I just – it's not even making sense. me. If you have 100K to pay for a woman to come have dinner with you, are you going to

choose Megan Markle? You're going to choose Megan Markle? No, probably not. Like Megan Markle from Suits, who is royal for 18 months? No, thank you. Okay, Burger King. Burger King is more royal than Megan Markle. Okay, the Burger King is more royal than Megan Markle and Harry at this point. But we got to pay some bills, okay, because people aren't paying 100K to have dinner with me. And then when we come back, we're going to do our best and worst of 2025. And Megan might be on that list. Ever read the label on a typical bag of chips? It's often a science experiment of seed oils, MSG, artificial dyes, and mystery ingredients.

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this quote. I've been trying to go to the route. Paul Newman did. Okay, I'm not kissing a girl anymore on screen. I'm 63 years old. I'm not trying to compete with 25-year-old leading men. This is what George Clooney said. That's not my job. I'm not doing romantic films anymore. Yeah, probably because you can't get it up anymore. Okay, that's what happens. That's what happens, you little beta male, George Clooney. That is who you are. And George Clooney, he used to be this hot heartthrob. Now he's just this liberal hack, okay? He's like, I'm not kissing girls on screen yet. No one's booking you for films, okay? Nobody's saying, you know who I miss seeing in films is George Clooney. I do think Leonardo DiCaprio has the same rule, okay? Leonardo has the same rule,

but in his contract, he won't kiss women unless they're under 25. So if a woman is over 25, Leonardo DiCaprio thinks she's washed up and she needs to go freeze her regs. So that is the double standard in Hollywood. So George Clooney says he's not kissing any women anymore on screen. I think this has to do with the wife and her culture. She's a strong woman. But she's one of these women. She's very like UNICEF.

We are the world. Kumbaya, like let's, you know, build villages in Africa and, you know, build water plants or wells. Like that is who his wife is. She's like, let's go drill wells in Africa. And George Clooney's like, I want to be in Lake Como, like tanning by the beach, okay? But they've combined forces. I will say Amal is beautiful. She's tall.

She's beautiful as long as she keeps waxing her back. And, yeah, so George Clooney, he says he doesn't want to kiss women anymore at this age on screen. I don't think anyone's asking you to be on screen. What, we need another, you know, Oceans movie? You're going to do, what, Oceans 25 at this point, Ocean 69? We don't need you in any more films, George Clooney. No one needs you kissing anymore. the last time I saw George Clooney, his hair was dyed like jet black. He didn't look too

hot. He was complaining about politics. We're good. We're good, George Clooney. We don't need to see you kiss on screen either. Okay. When I go to the movies, George Clooney kissing is not really at the top of my list. Now, speaking of lists, we have to do our best and worst of 2025. Okay, we're going to run through some things. Okay. I have my list here. First off on our worst list, Michelle Obama. Okay, she tarnished her legacy. Michelle Obama was praised as this, like, liberal icon. They thought she could be the next president. What a joke that was. All she's done in 2025 is bitch and complain about her hair, her makeup, the fact that she had to pay for food as first lady. You know, some people have real problems, okay? Michelle Obama tries to couch herself

as this like civil rights icon and she's breaking down barriers for women and women of color. You know Rosa Parks, okay? Rosa Parks did more for civil rights sitting her ass on that bus, Okay, then you did. Then you ever have. Okay. So you did nothing. Stay in your mansion and Martha's vineyard. We don't care. Also on our worst list, our worst list of 2025, Megan Markle's Wickless candle. Okay. Megan Markle's Wickless candle on the worst list would not recommend this candle. It ended up becoming sort of a national, international scandal. It became an international scandal because how do you screw something up? The whole point of a candle is that you can light it. But I actually think the candle was a metaphor from Megan Markle's career.

Nothing is lighting. Nothing's igniting. You open the box, you-hoo, nothing's there. Okay, Michael Jackson impression. Nothing is there. Okay, it's like when you open a kin doll, you know, people who used to have Barbies, you open a kin doll, it's like, ooh, there's nothing there. It's just smooth plastic.

That's sort of how the candle was. No wick. Okay, kind of like Prince Harry. The candle is also metaphor for Prince Harry. There's no wick. It probably used to have a wick, but over time, the wick has shrunk down and, you know, now no one can find it. That is Prince Harry. Okay. And in 2026, we're actually putting together a search team, like how Nick Shirley was going to the Somalian daycare centers. We're going to

put together a search team to find Prince Harry's balls in 2026. Okay. Next up, the wicked press tour. Okay. The wicked press tour this year was the bane of my existence. Ariana Grande, Cynthia Arrivo, I don't know if y'all trauma bonded. I don't know if y'all would cry after having an almond and say, oh my God, my thighs look huge. But both of you are sick, and I don't need to see you anymore. Okay, Ariana is wicked talented. Cynthia, she's talented too, okay, with her bald head and those long nails. Both of the girls are really talented, but this press tour was bizarre, okay? It was some weird, creepy, like sisterhood of the traveling pants type of stuff, sisterhood of the traveling wand, whatever they do in that wicked film. I still haven't seen it. Take my gay card away.

So I haven't seen wicked one, haven't seen wicked two. I'm good. Okay. The press tar, the press tar, I felt like I was being tarred. The press tour was horrible. I hope we can leave them behind in 2025. Ariana Grande, you need a cheeseburger with fries and a shake, and I'm here to tell you the color will come back to your face. Okay, enough of this, like I had bone broth and I'm full. No, no, no, no, no.

Have a cheeseburger, and you'll start seeing things clearly. I honestly think half the women I know the reason they're angry or loopy or seem weird is they need to eat. Okay, I get that way, too, when I get hangary. I think Ariana Grande is so malnourished and in need of protein. If she had a freaking rib-eye, number one, she should probably explode. But she needs to have, like, a good ribeye or a filet, have her personal chef come in. The color will come back. She'll start to feel good again, and she'll see things clearly.

So, Wicked Press Tour, worst of the year. Now, on our best list, I want to start off. The Coldplay Jumbotron couple. The reason this is on the best list, I do not condone adultery, I don't condone infidelity unless the man has a private jet. I'm just kidding. I don't condone adultery or infidelity. But this couple, what it did was it brought Americans together. Okay, for one week this year, Americans could come together and discuss the Coldplay jumbotron couple. This is actually the most exciting thing to happen to Coldplay, okay, since that song Viva La Vida. So this brought the country together. Democrats, Republicans, independents, young and old, young and old, black and white, okay, people holding hands singing kumbaya because we could all discuss this couple. Now, I actually didn't think there's anything that terrible about it. I think their reaction is what made it worse, okay? If they hadn't hid and done the whole ducking situation, it wouldn't have gone viral. So that's word to the

wise. If you're cheating and you go to a cold play concert and they put you on the jumbotron, just smile and wave. Smile and wave, okay, and they'll move the camera onto someone else. Or wear a COVID mask, okay? Or go in a frickin' burqa. You know what I'm saying? Wear a burqa, and you can probably cheat and do whatever you want. No one is going to put you on the Jumbotron if you're wearing a burqa. Ladies, okay, unless your eyes are really distinguishable, this is actually my advice. All the women out there, the Coldplay woman, I don't even remember her name. If you're going to cheat, you need to just wear a burqa. Okay. Wear a burqa. Say that you're a Somal. and that you run a daycare center.

Also on the best list, First Lady Melania Trump. First Lady Melania Trump this year, she really brought it. She brought it. Okay, be best campaign, take it down, act. I had the immense privilege, privilege and honor of traveling in the press poll with the First Lady when she went to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. She met with kids, military families, the way she strides into every room with grace and elegance.

And she doesn't do it for the fanfare or the accolades. That is why she's on our best of 2025. list because First Lady Melani Trump, she's been so unfairly maligned by the mainstream media for years. She gets ridiculed and attacked by the liberal press relentlessly. And if she had a D next to her name and were a Democrat, they would love her. She's self-made. She's an immigrant. She speaks five languages. She's gorgeous. She's stunning. They would have put her on the cover of Vogue's first lady. They put Jill Biden on the cover of Vogue three times. Three times Jill was on the cover of Vogue. Okay. A woman who would wear leather skirts, black booties and fishnets.

she looked like a geriatric hooker, Jill Biden, okay? They had cocaine and hookers at the White House, so nothing would shock me. But Jill Biden was on the cover of Vogue three times. Michelle Obama, she's no supermodel. She was on the cover of Vogue three times. Melania Trump, because she happens to be conservative, married to Donald Trump, she gets nothing but negative press from the liberal literati. But we love Melania.

Now, also on our best list, Catherine, the Princess of Wales. And the reason Catherine, the Princess of Wales is on our best of 2025 list. is because she was so open about her cancer journey and how tough it was parenting, going through her cancer treatment, getting back into society, getting back into all the things she was supposed to be doing and that were expected of her. And it's that level of authenticity that people loved about Princess Diana. It's what people loved about her. And so I think Catherine has that in spades.

And I think the fact that she was so open and honest is something everybody could relate to because there's not a person watching this. There's not a person on earth who hasn't been touched by cancer. way. I know there are people watching this going through chemotherapy right now, and some of you tune in to watch me, and I love you. And I think the fact that Catherine is honest about her struggles as a mom, her struggles as a patient, her struggles within the family, that authenticity is going to help bring the monarchy into the next generation. Now, last but not least, on our best of 2025 list, the Camp Mystic families. If you guys recall, Camp Mystic had the

horrific flooding. I went to Kerrville, Texas with President Trump in the press pool. I got to see the devastation firsthand. I got to see these families. Some of these moms were carrying bibles around, praying, hoping they could find their kids again. But the reason this is on my best of 2025 list is because it's the best of what it means to be an American. There were people coming together. They didn't care about political ideology, political party down there on the ground in Kerrville, Texas. They came together in the wake of this tragedy to try and find these kids to do search rescue to do search and recovery. And as catastrophic and devastating as it was, and I know some of these families personally and have corresponded with them, the camp mystic, horrific flooding natural

disaster showed us that Americans can come together and put their weapons down and put down their political associations to try and get a crisis solved. And that's what I found to be so beautiful. And people holding onto their faith at a time of such sorrow is something that I really found beautiful and profound. And so there's a reason that Camp Mystic families are on my best of 2025 list because I still pray for them. I still think about them. And the new cycle moves so fast. The new cycle just goes, moves on that in my mind, I always try to cherish and hold on to these things because we'll have devastating tragedies, whether it's Charlie Kirk's assassination, whether it's the flooding that swept these young, beautiful girls away in the middle of the night

and the counselors as well, and we forget about these things because the new cycle goes on and we're on our phones and we get busy. And so I always try to say prayer for all of these people who needed and I keep adding to my list. And my list keeps getting longer of people to pray for and to check in on. But there's a reason the Camp Mystic families are there. As for you guys, I love you. 2025 has been an incredible year. The only reason the podcast is successful is because I'm funny and I'm talented, but because you guys share it, okay? Because you send it to your friends, you leave comments, you write to me on social media. I absolutely love you. Go have an amazing New Year's Eve. If you're alone on New Year's, I'm thinking of you so you're not

alone. We will see you in a couple of days. Bye.