The Michael Knowles Show - Comedian Ari Shaffir Drinks & Answers Tough Questions: YES or NO

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

Comedian Ari Shaffir steps into the hot seat with Michael Knowles for a wild, no-holds-barred game of YES or NO—with stiff drinks on the line! From the toughest moral dilemmas to the most outrageous questions, nothing is off-limits.   Will Ari take the easy way out, or will he face the hardest questions head-on? Watch as the conversation takes unexpected turns, filled with brutal honesty, laughs, and a few drinks along the way.   - - -   Today’s Sponsor:   Helix - Go to https://helixsleep.com/knowles for 27% Off Sitewide + 2 Free Dream Pillows with Mattress Purchase + Free Bedding Bundle (2 Dream Pillows, Sheet Set, and Mattress Protector) with any Luxe or Elite Mattress Order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is this gay? Buddy, there's only one right answer. It's not straight. Wow. Now, I am fine with that being gay. Yeah. Because gay means happy and delightful. No, it means lame and retarded.

And that's what that was. Hello, everybody. I'm Michael Knowles. This is Yes or No. Very exciting. Nice. Welcome to Yes or No, the Bibulous battle to discover who knows whom better.

My guest today is comedian, Ari Sheffir, whose new Netflix comedy special, America's Sweetheart, is out now. We'll get to see a teaser later. How do we play? I will ask Ari the yes or no question. He will select his answer away from my prying eyes. Then I will guess how he answered. If I guess correctly, I get a point.

If I guess incorrectly, I lose a point. No matter how I guess, I will probably drink. Then it's Ari's turn. Neither of us has seen the questions beforehand. The questions cover various and sundry topics, from the philosophical to the anatomical and everything in between. Whoever has the most points wins. The stakes could be higher.

Let's get started. Ari, thank you for being here. That was great. That was great. That's a fancy looking drink. It's a godfather. It's the Padron in South America. I've got a martini, though.

I don't know. I think someone slipped a Mickey in it. It's kind of fizzy. I rarely see a bubbly martini. Okay, I always say chint-chin to your health You can't really cheers them Okay, that's good I always say if you

If you win, you can You get to drink, if you lose, you have to drink Okay, okay, yeah, I want to stumble out of here Do you believe that to be a real comic You cannot be offended by anything Do you believe that to be a real comic You cannot be offended by anything? They're good and shuffled

Yeah Okay, so that's your guess. Okay. To be a comic, you can't, I think you're going to say... It's tough. You have to really understand the question. You have to figure out double negatives. What the other guy is going to do?

I think you say, no. A comedian can be offended by some things. No, okay. All right. So there are some limits. Yeah, who says you can't be offended? This is, sometimes you hear this, oh, pure, beautiful comedy.

Someone can walk up and call your mother a whore and you have to applaud them for it or whatever. Oh, we just prefer people not be offended, but you can get offended just like leave. Yeah. It's all right. You can be offended. Yeah, my friend made a joke about 9-11,

and there was somebody in the audience, and he goes, my brother died 9-11. And he was like, oh, this is never going to be for you. You got to get out of here. We're all going to be enjoying this. It's just, you're not going to enjoy this. You can't tailor that joke to that joke to that guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comics get offended too. Yeah, like lame jokes. Comics get offended because of how lame they are. Yeah, sometimes like, you see it roasts, that's the best. You see it roasts and we make fun of you, but they'll do something bad, but then, you know, you're on camera, so you're going, eh, yeah, that's, that's offensive, when it includes you too. You know, you're part of it. Yeah. You're sullied by it. I don't mind bad jokes as long as I don't have to be part of it. Yeah. All right, now you're up. Okay. Take your game piece away. Damn, nice.

kind of pissed. Okay, production value on this is wild. You guys can't see it. I thought these were be printed on here. That's a brand name. Brand name, Scotch tape. It's not even a full tape. They really narrowed it.

Like, Jews and, okay. Jews and Palestinians could solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels. This is a comparison I have made a lot of times. And by the way, Mexicans, you're invited to the table. Jews and Palestinians could solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels. Yes or no? Could Jews and Palestinians solve their differences?

Bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels. Yeah, it's a lot to the question. Could they solve those differences? Do they both love digging tunnels? What if they both? No, I don't. I still, I guess they could. Okay, I've got my answer.

you either think that they could solve their differences through that. I think you're... I don't know enough about you. I think you're a kind of guy who says, get them to the table, we can work anything out. So I'm going to say that you say,

yes, they could solve those differences. There it is. We got a game! They could, because the other thing is, right now we're thinking two-dimensionally. You know, we're thinking, but really, what if you change the direction of the tunnels? So like, for instance, the Palestinians are digging tunnels into Israel.

What if they dug them into Egypt or something? The Palestinians get their tunnels. The Israelis get rid of the Palestinians. Everyone's happy. Everyone's happy. And then they can have like a guest speaker, like someone from Vietnam. Yeah, like we'll show you lots of barbecues we had down there. You can really doll it up.

You guys are just using it for transport. You can live in these things. Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's beautiful. Yeah. Okay. homeless person started the LA fires. The only way I could really know is if I'm the owner started them.

And then it would be, am I homeless or not? Really Cartesian, yeah. Okay, let's see. The homeless person's going to be LA fires. I don't know, but I believe it was PG&E. You do, yeah. With their constant lack of safety measures. Did you think it was PG&E or even like Newsom himself?

Oh, Newsome went in there and just started to fire. Yeah, basically, yeah. Burn it all down. It could also have been a fat chick who's learned to be okay with a body weight, having her thighs go together so fast that eventually it will start. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with jorts or something. Yeah.

It just creates a friction. Yeah. But she could have a home. She could be housed. Yeah, oh, right, exactly. Yeah. I really don't know. I don't know.

Yeah, it's funny, though. Everybody went right to, like, who did it? I'm like, hey, go help them though first. First time I ever went to L.A., I went up. I said, I want to see the Hollywood sign. I love cigars. So I go up. Went up there for the first time.

Did you? I lived there for 12 years, been back for 10, and I never was up there. It's like New Yorkers with the Empire State Building. If you're there a lot, you don't go. But I went up and I said,

that's really cool. And you know what? I'm going to smoke a cigar. And all these... Oh. They're screaming at me. They're screaming. They hate smoking.

I was like Steve Martin and the jerk. This guy hates cans. You know, and I'm smoking my cigar. And then I realized it's because it can burn the whole city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can't, you can't smoke cigarettes it's in your car on the way up.

Yeah, they're like real strict about it. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Do they find out who actually started it or is just a bunch of theories? No, it's going to be like Notre Dame Cathedral. They're going to be like, it was, wasn't it the Muslims? And they'll be like, no, it was just a random cigarette or something. No one's going to ever find out ever, but it was probably the homeless.

I will say, it might not have been PG&A, but PG&A has started over 1,000 fires in California. So why would you think it's not? Yeah. You're right. That's called a lead, boys. The world would be better if everyone had at least one psychedelic trip. Now, what do I know about Michael Knowles? Is he straight edge?

Like, before you answer, I'm going to tell you something. Okay. Do you believe in God? Do? I do. God makes things for reasons. We can't know them all, but he makes things for a reason. Yes. Why would he make mushrooms if he didn't want us to take it?

Answer a question. Wow. It's a lot to think about it. It's kind of leading the witness, you know? The world would be better if everyone had at least one psychedelic trip. I gotta say yes. It'd be crazy not to think that. It would obviously be better. There's only one acceptable answer, goals. That's crazy. That's crazy. How would it not be better? How wouldn't it be improved? You talk to God. He said, pick up the phone, I want to talk to you. Yeah. But he also created like, you know, I don't know, avocados doesn't mean I want to eat them.

They're no good. But he made them. had access to avocados, it wouldn't be better. Yeah, but now they won't because Trump is slapping tariff signs. You think it wouldn't be better, though? I, no, because I'm going to quote Paul McCartney here. Paul McCartney gave this story. He said, John said, he said, you know, if, if you have some LSD, then it'll rewire your brain. And I thought, you know, my brain's all I got, you know, and I don't want to lose my brain, man, you know. And that's kind of how I feel. I was really tempted by psychedelics. Yeah. Because listen, back in my wayward youth, man, I had a few puffs of the devil's lettuce every so often, you know?

A couple of jazz cigarettes. But I had a bunch of friends. They got really into acid. Yeah. And the thing, and mushrooms. And what? But this is the thing, though. Yeah. All it takes is one, man. And then I take some tab of acid and then I think I'm a banana and start peeling my

skin off or something. Only for like 10 hours. It's not forever. What's it like? You just remove yourself from your ego. Yeah. You get to view the whole world without, like, connection to it. And so you can look at yourself with like, oh, that's a guy who's just going through this.

And you're not like trying to defend your own actions. So you're like, oh, that guy should like tell his friends. He loves them more. That guy, meaning you. You know everything about that guy. You know a little bit about lots of people, but you know the most about yourself. Yeah. But because you're like trying to defend your actions all the time.

Yeah. I don't know if that's the ego or whatever. But like, then you don't, you know, improve because, but if you can like, you ever play golf? Yeah. Play best ball? I don't know. Both you hit a shot, then you decide which shot to hit from that. Everyone ends up, there's some point in the golf course where you hit one here in the sandclose and I hit one further away in the fairway.

And we both argue about which one's ball is better. And you're both defending your own ball. But if you looked at it with like, I don't know, here's two balls. We'd agree. Would you agree? That one's better or that one's better. But because you're like looking at your own thing, you want yours to be better. So with mushrooms, it takes away the ability.

Did you find, this is my big objection at mushrooms. I've had friends who got into psychedelics, and one thing they tell me, this is, one, one time. Psychedelic. Yeah, okay. One thing that tell me is, you know, man, I've heard this from multiple people. I'll talk the same way. You know, man, they'll say, I just, I felt so much more at peace with myself. I wasn't so worried about like sin and guilt and shame.

Yeah. But, man, I think guilt and shame are great. Yeah, okay. I'm very pro guilt and shame. My superpower, I don't like super, but I read, not to be able to feel shame. So I could just do whatever. It's good for a comedian. Yeah, exactly.

Cairns, you got it. All right. Is this racist? Now we're going to watch a video. This is, hold on. I need to help build a deck. Yes. They think they're coming over to my house.

Fix my deck. What they don't know is that we're not going to my house. We're going somewhere else. I'm not going to everyone in a surprise, but we'll be there in a minute. I remember this video. Yeah, it's early, uh, for this. For YouTube. Oh, boy.

Was this like e-bound's world or something? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am. Yeah. I am.

Yeah. A long time ago. I didn't realize I was in the presence of royalty. Yeah, thanks. This is every 14-year-old boy's, like, first four-year-in to the internet. That was an amazing bit. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty funny.

It was out there. We did it for National Ampoons, and then right at the beginning of, like, Evom's World. Yeah. And somebody ripped it to the internet. YouTube. It was early, early YouTube. So people with no contact, you're like, what the F is this? That was a great bit.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks. Okay, I think you'll say it's racist. Yes. And here's why. Not why you're thinking. Here's why it's racist. It was just a racial joke. Those people all got, you know, gave them all 50 bucks. That wasn't actually a... A sting operation. Yeah. It was a library in that night. It's because I still have that shirt. That was over 20 years ago. And I'm a Jew who still has an article of clothing from 20 years ago. And that is racist. Not against the Mexican. Not against the Mexicans. In the last place you'd look. Anti-Semitism.

Yes. I remember watching that the first time. I thought this is a very anti-Semitic video. So obvious. Wow. Amazing. That got me a lot of death threats. Did it really? Oh, yeah. My friend Duncan Dressel put up a, it was like early internet, man, it was so fun. And he just put in, um, artistic terrorism was his website. He put in like, hey, prank call my friend Ari Shafir. This is before that came out. Prank called my friend Ari Shafir, best one. He recorded it. I'll give you 20 bucks. And so then that came out. Everyone started Googling me. I used my real name. dumb. And then the first thing would come up was like,

Ari Shapiro with phone number. So I would just start getting phone calls. Like, I'll build a deck in your ass homes. It was so great. I'm like, what is this? Wow. Fast forward to the Trump era, you know? You're on the winning side now.

It's got new life. You're right. Nice kids like it. Oh, here we go. Oh, this is great. Is this gay? Dumb, don't, dom.

Wow. Buddy, there's only one right answer. Yeah. Now, hold on, I got a guess. I got to. I know. I got a guess. Is that?

Be a man. Own up to what you did. Own up to your crimes. Own up to your crimes. And the production value. All of you were part of that. It's obviously gay. It's so, it's so freaking gay.

It's not, it's not straight. Wow. Now. Wow. How did you not get deported from a, from a music town for that. I'm going to tell you, though, I am fine with that being gay. Yeah.

Because I want to reclaim the word. You know, gay means happy and delightful. And right now, like, for instance, have you heard this term the woke? No, it means lame and retarded. And that's what that was. Well, but even, I was thinking about this the other day. I was thinking about this. So, gay is like happy.

I can't even look at you. No, listen, I don't, my shoes are brown. I'm not even wearing the suede ones now. You right wore socks. Yeah, well, I'm still not wearing socks. and I can do a little potter-buree. But I, the, so you ever heard of the woke right? Have you heard of this new phrase of woke right?

I love it. It's like the fascist. Yeah, it's Karen's on the other side. So it's, but if that, if it means that the extreme, edgy hip, that means that woke is the new based, which means, woke is the new base, which means straight is the new gay. And then I was even thinking the etymology of the word, can I use a naughty word? There's a lot of dancing around an apology.

Can I, hold it? Can I, can I say it? Maybe they can bleep it out on the word Yeah It etymologically, it's related to fascist Like bundle of sticks Okay So basically

But it means something different now But now well that's what I'm saying Can we reclaim the word like instead of being based straight Patriotic should we be Is it now cool to be woke Gay No Sexual

That had nothing to do with that That whole thing was gay The production value was gay the little wink thing was gay. The thinking you're awesome, that was gay. That was from start to finish gay. I can see someone goes, hey, how about we do a take when you get on the table?

It's gay. They're gay for suggesting it. You're gay for doing it. That's gay. I'm out of here. Here's my only defense. My only other defense. Throw yourself at the court and the mercy of them.

They initially wanted me to wear a turtleneck too. Oh. So it's a little straighter than that. Yeah, thanks for fighting back. Yeah. Okay. All right, well, I take my licks. Oh.

And by the way, I'm not gay, even though my boyfriend is, all right? Don't forget that. Now, I will tease you no longer, my friends. My best-selling game, yes or no, exclusively available at Daily Wire Shop, is expanding yet again. Oh, really? The all-it-is. The all-new, yes-or-no, dating and relationships expansion pack is now available for pre-order. Look at that.

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Relationships should have defined roles, e.g. This is so this network. Any of those you read could end your career. Daily wire is hilarious. Marriage is full. Marriage is failed because of lack of communication. Oh my God, this whole thing is gay. It's okay to break up our text messages.

Now we're back to normal. Yeah. Okay. No, I'm not really bad. This is a game within a game. Yeah. This is a relationship game. So this will make your relationship stronger.

They will. It guaranteed if you go to dailywire.com slash shop today. If you play these on mushrooms, it'll hit far harder. It'll be great for your relationship. Yeah. Oh, these are pretty fun. There you go. We'll give you a great discount on that.

10% off for you, my friend. my friend. Marshall, the history. Oh. Okay, I've got one for you. I mean, do Ben Shapiro see that? He directed that, actually. He wrote it.

We've overcomplicated cancel culture. It's not about the left or right. It's really just Kobe Bryant fans. Wow. What's your answer? I say. Do I get one of those martinis? I kind of want a godfather.

Yeah, let's swapies. I'd get a godfather. I'd get a little backup. Godfather, got to catch up. I say you say yes. No, there is no cancel culture. It's a geyser term. That's about five years ago. Literally nobody's talking about it anymore. Why did it end? Because like every word, you guys expanded it so much. Expanded it so much so it has no meaning anymore. Nazi, fascist. It doesn't mean the same thing. So you have different people arguing about different word like meanings. Yeah. So like, is this guy Nazis? I'm going to clearly yes.

Someone else, a Holocaust survivor's son. It was like, clearly no. Right. And we'll never communicate. We're talking about different things. Right. And that's what happened here. Yeah. Yeah, I do. It was that you'll never have ability to work again. Some people say that. Other people are like, are you losing work over it? Yeah. Other people are like, is it just mean you got in trouble? So we're all talking about different stuff. So they just kind of went away. Just do your work. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Even, I think 15 years ago, people, it's feel like, you're a racist. Yeah. No, I'm not. No, I'm not, man. Seriously. And, but now I'm saying, you're racist. You know, Sure.

Yeah. Who even cares? Whatever. It's the dumbest issue in America. We're constantly talking about it. Okay. Yeah, I'm giving you that. I'll admit when I'm wrong.

Let's go. I'll admit when I'm wrong. Yeah. And I'll admit when I'm gay. Yeah, great. That's correct. Right now go to helixleep.com slash knolls. I will admit, I did not appreciate in my early life.

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Helix sleep.com slash Noles for 27% off site wide plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase plus free betting bundle. All that great stuff with any Lux or elite mattress order. HelixSleep.com slash Noles. Do not miss out. Being a female comedian isn't hard. Oh boy, this is going to go somewhere. They're like, why would you not go to... And they offer me this.

They're like, are you sure? I'm like, what do you mean? Yeah, why not? What would they make me say on camera? Being a female comedian is not hard. You just need to be hefty, dykey, or Jewish. Wow. Wow. Oof.

Hefty. You didn't shy away from dykey, but you shied away from fat. By the way, the twist of orange in here. Whoever made this. That's a solid, that's great. A lot of people will miss that. That's an impressive drink. Okay, I've got my answer to.

I'm gonna say, what would you say? That's not what I'd say. Not what you'd say. You have no ownership of this opinion. How well do you know stand-up? I heard you didn't know who Nate Bargatsy was until a week ago. I heard the name. He's the number one gross and comedian in the world.

So you don't know anything about comedy. I know the beginning and end of comedy. Yeah. Norm MacDonald. That's all I know about comedy. I'm hoping you're going to say, oh, man, yeah. I don't know. I think you, I think you're going to say yes, but I don't know.

Hold on. I'm not saying this yet. It is, oh, there's more too. Because what if you say yes and then I say no and then you look like you think? So you don't watch any stand-up? I watch some stand-up. Just norm. Clips on repeat.

Yeah. No, some other guys, sometimes. There's definitely more during. I think you're going to say yes, but there's definitely more doing that. But it doesn't, it's just my opinion. It's just your opinion. Yeah. I'm going to give you the.

better for the doubt and you're saying no. Come on. You knew the answer. I knew the answer. There's so much more to it. It's not that easy. Let me tell you. You don't think I know fat, lesbian, Jew comics. There's so much more to it. You're still got to be able to write a joke. Would you say at least that is the minimum

condition required? No, you can be hot now too. Everything's different. Dane Cook changed everything. It's not for dorks anymore. There's like attractive people come into this. I hate it. I think it's gross. I think it. This was the calling card. And now it's all different.

These people have nice hair. They look like you. All right. It's so much harder than that. You know, that was not, that's not. That's another old one. That's another old. That's not my opinion.

Ten years ago term. Actually, the guy whose opinion that was, he wrote an essay in Vanity Fair. Yeah. He's been dead for like 10 years. Michael Hutchins? Christopher Hitchins. Christopher Hitchin. His view was that they have to be hefty die here.

It was a long time ago. After that started. So let me just say what happened. After that started, a bunch of women who, hadn't even started yet. Got into stand-up. Not because of that, but so these 15-year

comics that are now like running the world were post-that. Who? Because I could name some exceptions to the world, but exceptions proved the rules. Who were the female comedians? Who are funny? We're actually funny. Yeah. And they can even be TV comedians. They don't have to be just standing.

Who don't fit one of those three categories. Pepty. Adrian's fat. Michelle Wolf? Michelle Wolf. And you would say she's funny? Oh, yeah, she's great. Really?

Yeah, she was like the best female comic of the world at some point. She was definitely famous. No, you see her Netflix stuff. Yeah. Really? Is it fine? Okay, I'll take your word for her work for. Really?

She speaks for all of us. Because we can, you know how they're like, well, you can't say that about black people or the military or whatever you're not in there? She's the white chick going, you have to calm down. She was all of us. Yeah. She's a great example. Okay. Yeah.

There's so many. I was Cuban. There's just like a ton in New York. It's like, all right. When I used to work at the comedy store, people would call in. I'd work the phones. They'd be like, is Jim Carrey going to be there?

I'm like, no. They're like, how about Eddie Murphy? I'm like, no. And then it was like, how about this? And it was like, hey, listen, anyone you've heard of is bad now. Yeah. It's not a current stand-up comic. The real stand-ups are like in it now.

Yeah, of course. But I also know a lot of, like, Lesbo comics that are really funny. But that's not the requirement. But no Jewish. That's a geezer. You don't know any. That's a geese or take. All right.

Okay. Look, I'll have to look at it. You're just not around stand-up. I'll have to watch. I should have gone, yes, because I should have known that would be the take-in. I'll take the points.

That's fine by me. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There is, there's a video to be played. It is absolutely wild times. It really, really.

I was there for this. Really? It was the only Trump rally. Rare that you will play a homosexual comedian on this network. There's literally a floating island. of garbage in the middle of the ocean right now. Yeah. I think it's called Puerto Rico.

Okay. All right. Don't have rules? Yeah. Okay. That's my best friends. Technically speaking, is Puerto Rico, in fact, a floating pile of garbage? No, you're not getting it.

I have to guess how you would guess. Is technically technically so? Yeah. So we're talking geology here. Yeah, dude, I'm already Jewish. You don't have to try to educate it. Okay. All right.

So the answer you would say is yes. No, it doesn't float? Oh. What? That's crazy. Do you think, oh my God, that's so sad. Buddy, do you think islands float? Oh, I'm really sorry.

No, it goes all the way down. Yeah. It's just garbage to the seabed. Yeah. He, I was, it was the only Trump ride. How was it? So the way they played it, you'd think he was doing a buddy routine with Trump on stage. That was like six hours before.

Trump got there. So wait. So he goes, he gets there. And he does this whole 30 minute thing about it. And he gets there and he goes, hey, I'm here. I have these notes I wrote like on this tiny piece of paper because I can't let the lady next to me see what I'm writing on the plane. And he goes, do you have the teleprompter? And they go, no, it's too late for that. He goes, oh, I got to memorize these jokes real quick. And he goes, when am I going? Like, you're going first. And he goes, oh, that's no way. I'm a dirty comedian. Yeah. He goes, I don't go first at night. It's like nude. It's new. What a terrible order. He said he saw afterwards everyone coming in with all the tweets were coming in. Like, how dare this guy. And he goes, and then he looks up and there's a magician on stage.

He goes, why is that guy not before me? You're doing like painting. The wrong order. So how did it go? So I had just gotten here. You got to figure out, he's playing at this point. It's a Madison Square Garden. 80% is empty because people aren't getting there for four more hours.

So I'm there at this point. I mean, there are still a lot of people. There's still probably, I don't know, 2,000, 3,000 people. Yeah, but in a 25,000 Cedar. By the way, the last time he was there, performed for a sold-out match for his show. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, he's going into this jarring thing,

but I thought it was so great. It reminded. Was you watching it or were you kind of glancing at it from a lot of? Yeah, I mean, I was there. I was like getting my whatever hot dog and, you know, for a drink. But I was listening to it. I was like, oh, this is different. And it reminded me, I remember John Stewart reacted to Clint Eastwood doing the

empty chair bit at the RNC. and everyone was piling on Eastwood, and John Stewart said, oh, man, I loved it. It was so refreshing. It was so different than anything you hear with these. I thought it was great. I thought it was so funny.

I had friends there, they'd go like, no, he did well. Yeah. And they're just not really mic'd for. Yeah, yeah. No, in terms of the, like, just the people sitting around me in a largely empty stadium, they loved it.

I mean, that was a straight setup job. That's just like, that's political people suck. Yeah. They were just like, let's just offer this guy. Who cares if it's true or not? Let's just misrepresent what happened

for our own personal game. It's all Game of Thrones right and left. You guys are all doing Game of Thrones stuff. Also, though, that joke, do you know any Puerto Ricans who were offended by that joke? No, well, I make a point to not be around. No, no, any Puerto Ricans figure yet. I do.

I do know what. His father was stabbed. But forget that stereotype. Luis Gomez. But no, no, none. And also, there's almost no undecided voters at that time. And they try to broaden it from Puerto Ricans to all Latinos. Yeah.

And other Latinos are like, you know, a lot of us hate each other. Most of us, actually. Yeah, yeah. You guys are acting like one unit that's all going to be offended by humor. It was so dumb and so like, it really made me hate all politicians that they'll do this to my industry. Yeah. Take it out of context and intention to, like, offer someone's whole life up. Yeah, of course.

Because you got to figure at that point, it was two weeks before the election. So the Dems were like, well, whatever. We're going to treat that guy like his Trump's Vice President. You know, he's the running mate. Exactly. Yeah. It's funny. Some comedians got upset about it.

Really? And I tried to reach out to them, like, compassionately. Like, you know, not like publicly just like, mess up. They got upset by the joke or the fact that he did a gig for Trump? Yeah, that's what it came down to. Yeah. They're like, it's racist. I mean, this and this.

And also he's like, Tony's like obsessed with the refuse problem in Puerto Rico. They actually have abandoned the nation state. I don't know what you call it even. I'm also living in a very liberal area, Manhattan. And when Trump said that Puerto Riggs not part of America, and everyone's like, all the liberals like, that's, is that wrong? God's crazy, how dare you?

Like, they were just out right then. It's a protectorate? Is it a principality? I don't. But they see him as Hitler, as Adolf Hitler. And it doesn't matter what the joke meant to them. You're trying to get Hitler back in charge of the United States of America. Right.

So to them, it's like, joke work, joke dot work. What does that have to do with it? So you can't get through it. Yeah, same thing, they're speaking different languages. He could have gone up and said why the chicken crossed the road, and you would have had half the country furious at him for it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly. Why are you even there?

Yeah, yeah. You can't even hold a door open for that. I mean, and imagine if they really believe that. It's like the guy who shot up the, who brought a shotgun to the Pizza Gate place. Yeah, right. He really thought he was trying to free kids. Yeah, right. Like, you're doing the right thing morally.

Yeah. You were just misinformed. Yeah, the premise might have been a little skew. And when they told everybody, this guy's a racist, trying to get Hitler elected. They're kind of doing the right thing. If I had to be compassionate. Yeah. They're like, oh, yeah, that's bad.

Yeah, they're like the guy who shot up the Pizza Gate Place. Yeah, that's a compliment, I think. Yeah, I don't know. People who shoot up abortion clinics do. They really think it's murder. So it's like, I get it. But don't. Yeah, you may.

I want to, yeah, here we go. You got you some olives to snack on. Ooh, snacking olives? Are those blue cheese? Yeah, okay. Thank you, sir. This is good stuff. Wow. So I had that. I traveled all over. I was in Ecuador for like six months or in the pandemic.

My industry was done. Yeah, why not? Yeah. Gathering was over. And Padron's is huge in South America. Are they really? Yeah, named after the godfather. A lot of Italians, you know, made it that way after a certain global conflict, down to Argentina and those areas. Oh, wow. Maybe. That might be it. Okay, Europe.

Kayak gets my flight, hotel, and rental car right, so I can tune out travel advice that's just plain wrong. Bro, Skycoin, way better than points. Never fly during a Scorpio full moon. Just tell the manager you'll sue. Instant room upgrade. Stop taking bad travel advice. Start comparing hundreds of sites with kayak and get your trip right. Kayak, got that right.

I'm feeling the tension now. Now I'm going to play the game. This network is great. Was this a tad transphobic? Play it. If it is false and for the good of society and especially for the good of the poor people who have fallen prey to this confusion,

transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely. The whole preposterous ideology. It's a handsome guy. At every level. Transphobism should be a trans... Transgender. Transgenderum should be eradicated.

transgenderism. Was this word tad? Was it a tad? Tad. Was this a tad transphobic? Okay, I'm gonna, and I'll put my answer to that. A tad. A tad. I know as you know, is you know, so you want to be like, not at all. But was it a tad transphobic? Okay, I've got my answer to do. It's got to be a, it's got to be a Tad. Not even, not even a smidge.

I knew you were not in a Smitz. Not even a Tad. Because to be phobic, to be phobic, it has to be an irrational fear. But that was a a very rational statement. Like, phobic is irrational? An irrational, like arachnophobia, is the irrational fear of spiders. So you say, it's just a fear of spiders. I believe it has to be irrational. Like, I can't be, um, lion eat my face phobic, because a lion might eat my face, you know.

I think it's got to be an irrational. Can you be phobic of? You can be phobic. We'll have spiders. Or, uh, what would that be? So what would do? Like dangerous spiders. That would be, uh, yeah, I'd be reasonable, I guess.

Common sense. So I think... Got me on the phobia. Because... Yeah, right, I say it's got to be reasonable. But it's definitely not... It's not pro-pro-phobic. It's not a fear of gays.

It's a rational fear of gays. Now, I have a very rational fear of gays. Like, that they might, you know, make my style better or, you know... Yeah, like, decorate my neighborhood. You got a good style. Thank you. Well, you saw the video earlier. Damn.

I should have known how you were going to... There was no way you would... There was no way you would say that was wrong. Okay. You're up. Phobic is irrational. Is that true? Can we look that up? Yeah.

I want to read the judges here. This is a rapid fire round. I will read three questions, one after the other. You will have 30 seconds to answer all three. The clock starts. Now, are some religions better than others? Yes. Do ghosts or other supernatural entities reveal themselves at cemeteries?

Yes, sometimes. No. All right, whatever, that's fine. For RFK Jr. to make America healthy again, he needs fat shaming to come back. To make America. Does he need that in order to make America healthy again? You know, obviously. That's obviously he does.

He can do it another way too. It would help. It would help. You could, yeah. Wow, all right. This godfather. He can do it other way. Rapid fire.

Boy, buddy, please don't put me in trouble. Is Louis C.K. Overrated? No, he's not. No, he's not. He's not overrated. Wow. That's all right.

Good. Do you think did he killed Tupac? It's more than likely, yes. Yeah, probably. I thought he had him killed. I don't think he did it have. Yes.

Republicans should forgive Bud Light. No, Transizer Bush needs to be made an example. I should just, I should know. I'm answering my own answers. Oh, all right. Wait, so hold it. I need a napkin.

I'm sorry. One down one. Look at this disaster. Well, because how are you supposed to move fast with a martini glass. It's the least functional glass in the world. Yeah, you got a good one out. That was so great for the back half of the game.

Yeah. Final question. Both answer. Went on to rush, right? Okay. Do you think President Trump will make it to the end of his term? I mean, this asks a lot of questions. One, about the state of health care for elderly people in the United States.

Also, what happened to American marksmanship? It's been on the downturn. So that's another extenuating... And Iranian marksmanship. Yeah. And access to golf courses seem pretty easy. Yeah, yeah. Maybe they should have more security on those.

So you think... Or will he just be like, actually, this sucks. You guys suck. I'm out. Also possible. I could have easily said, I'm going, nope. Not doing it. I'm done.

Just want to see if I can win. Give me that pension. So, Will, do I think you think, and do you think I think that President Trump will make it to the end of his term? What did the Daily Wire think? And specifically me?

Yeah. There might be different opinions of the DailySit. You're Italian. I'm Italian. Can I ask the second true of all's question? You may. For not points? No. Be ready to tell the American public that your original name was Canoli? It was anglicized at Alice Island.

It was initially Michael Chocolate Sprinkle canolies. Yeah. Yeah, and you just changed the spelling. I did. I did. I did. But it is canoli. If you look in the old parish register in Sicily, it's chocolate sprinkle canoles. Okay. K-posterone, N-O-W-L-E-S. Knoll-E-S.

Okay, so, will Donald Trump make it to the end of his term? What do we think that you'll say and what do I think that you'll say? You got your answer? All right. Yeah. This is for game. This is for the game. This is for the game. Do I think you think Donald Trump will make it to the end of the term?

I mean, they're coming after him hard. Got an up your game left. You think that guy, he's dead now, right? But do you think that guy is like in heaven or whatever in hell? Which one? Jimmy Card? The first one. Got his ear.

Biden? Oh, that guy. Yeah, that guy. He's like, oh, wait, I made him, I got him votes. Yeah. And that might be the... I'm dead and I got him, but... Yeah.

The most meritorious thing that guy ever did. Okay. I think you're going to say yes. We're both right. Okay. Wait. So we tie. It's a tie.

It's a tie at zero. It's a tie at zero, which is really what politics is all about. When you don't get anywhere ahead by engulfing yourself in this negative. You're all tied zero, both right and left. Go outside. Talk to your friends. Call your mom. Do something of merit.

Certain roses smell well. Other smells smell terrible. Yeah. What roses smell terrible? Well, none of smell terrible. This is such a good metaphor for politics. Yeah. We've been for like an hour. Nothing has been accomplished. Nothing was accomplished. Nothing happened. I know somebody that was setting up

a provisional government in Afghanistan in the Army. It's a one year. He was there stationed there for one year. And they had to negotiate with the percentage of Shias, percentage of... Sunnis. Sunnis. Or percentage of... There's another group. What are like the... I don't know. The ones who live like hotel dwells. Yeah, I think it was the orthodox Jewish Mosb.

And they had to like, no, no, we should have a higher percentage. We should have a higher percentage. No, that should be lower. And then they finally, finally, after almost 11 and a half months, agreed, okay, these are the percentage. It's like, fine. Okay, have a weekend on Monday. We're all going to meet. It'll be a first convening.

And they go, I'm not sitting in the room with a Shiite. And you're like, oh. And then his tour was over and nothing was accomplished. And we're getting there. You know, whether it's the joys of stereotyping or the beauty of drug addiction, Ari Sheffir focuses on the positive in this darkly uplifting special. Check out this tease for America's sweetheart. People are going to get killed. So who better than a child?

They don't contribute to the GDP, like at all. Guys, I'm joking. I hope you understand that. And when you couldn't kill Asian people for three months, four years ago? I've been having so much fun. I've been shoplifting, like, a lot. Black people, you gotta be white someday. It rules so fucking hard.

Oh, it's the best. Black people, honestly, I hope you get white privilege someday soon. But until that happens, man, you make excellent decoys. If I'm at CVS and three brothers walk in, I'm like, it's go time. Thanks. Ari. Good problem. Nobody plays the stuff.

Having not won or lost this game, I was feeling totally neutral. But now I feel actually a lot better. I can't wait for that special. Yeah. Watch it. It's fun. It's about like ignoring politics.

Good. Finding better things to focus on. Blessed you to be avoiding. I'm trying to fight back. All the nonsense. That's great. Ari, thank you, sir. Thanks, Michael.

It was a pleasure. It was cool. Yeah. It's a great. And guys, everyone in the audits, you're going home with a yes or no card game. You're going home with a yes or no card. You get one card from the game.