The Michael Knowles Show - Michael & The Diddy Escort: “Diddy Watched the Whole Time” | Shawn Dearing

Episode Date: July 19, 2025

In this explosive new episode of Michael &, Michael Knowles sits down with Shawn, the former escort who just went public about what he saw behind closed doors with Diddy. From secret parties and A-lis...t clients to his personal message for Cassie — no question is off limits.   Is there more to the Diddy scandal than the media is telling you? You’re about to find out.   - - -   Today’s Sponsor:   Good Ranchers - Visit https://goodranchers.com and subscribe to any box using code KNOWLES to claim $40 off + free meat for life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:22 So I show up to the address. I go up to the door, knock, and she opens the door. So you say it's very performative. She's like, okay, sit there. She puts a towel down. Like, hey, just pour the baby oil all over. me and I see like the little slit in the room. There were times in the sessions where I saw that demon, the demon that she talked about. Personal demon, you know, these are the demons that are reflecting me. Or Diddy? Yeah, Diddy. You actually did this stuff.
Starting point is 00:01:48 Your name and your picture were revealed in court. Revealed in court, and then it started to go mainstream when 50 posted that picture. So this guy is a sex crazed animal. She was under his control. Because there's video of him beating her or enough. a hole way. I was supposed to be there that night. I was supposed to.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Pete Ditty has gotten off the hook for the worst charges that he faced pertaining to his freak-offs and weird sex parties over decades. But nobody denies that those parties happened, that he engaged in depraved,
Starting point is 00:02:30 crazy sexual activities, that he had his girlfriends sleep with multiple men who were hired for the occasion. And I am right now joined by one of those men. That would be Sean Deering. Sean, thank you for being here. Pleasure to meet you, Michael.
Starting point is 00:02:47 Pleasure to meet you. Thank you for flying in for this. P. Diddy beat the tough charges, even though all the things he's accused of doing, maybe not the crimes, but the activities or the parties, the sex, the everything. No one denies that he actually did those things. He did them for decades. and you're one of the guys he hired to sleep with his girlfriend. How'd you get into that?
Starting point is 00:03:13 I lived in L.A. prior to that, you know, I'm born and raised in Hawaii, and I was figuring out where am I headed with life. Tried college, three and a half years, didn't exactly find my way, and after that, decided to join the workforce. And one thing I realized, I love serving. So I started out serving restaurants and such, and it was kind of like a rolling ball effect. I just tried to make the most of it.
Starting point is 00:03:36 So from there, I was working in Southern California for a bit, and a friend of mine helped open up a valet venture in Vegas. Okay. So from there, got into the bar industry, and then the bar industry, I was introduced to a wonderful girlfriend that thought I should model one day. I thought she was joking when she asked me, because I look at the mirror, and I don't know,
Starting point is 00:04:01 I see a funny-looking guy. Ah, you good-looking guy. look at. I think, you know, I thought she was joking with me. So she, um, challenged me to models. She said, she knew photographers and stuff. And I said, babe, if you think I can model, I'm going to give it my all. Like, uh, Mr. William Hung is a lifelong idol of mine. You know, the shebang, she bangs. You know, I remember watching that. That guy lit me up. And one thing he said is everything I do, I give it my best. And so I'm kind of that way. You know, that kind of stuck with me. And I just tried to give everything I had in modeling.
Starting point is 00:04:34 And then that led to a profile on model mayhem. You remember model mayhem? I've heard the name of it. It's sort of the, I think it's like the old school MySpace style of the model industry. Go in, put your profile on. There was explore talent, model mayhem. I remember there were these go make it big in show business kind of websites. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:55 Yeah, kind of the beginning of the pipeline, I guess you would say. And so my girlfriend had me put my profile on there. And so I do. And I thought it was a, you know, I'm going to go. I'm going to get it my best. And I try, I put it on there. And then a few months later, get a message from Mr. Garon James, who was the guy who owns the company Cowboys for Angels. I thought it was a joke. I thought it was spam. I thought somebody wanted me to send them more pictures and be like, hey, I'm interested in you. So I showed my girlfriend. And I was like, hey, look, this guy's messaging me. And her and I had come across some of his episodes of that Showtime show, Gigolo in the past. Hold on. So I'm not totally familiar with Cowboys for Angels or the Gigolo show. This agency is a, it sounds like it's a Gigolo agency. Yes. Well, the proper term would be a, the escort service, well, not, the terminology is slipping me. But it's a... It's prostitution.
Starting point is 00:05:54 In nicer words. Using some softer verbiage. Yes, in a sense. But on that same note, I did go on dates where sex wasn't involved. It was a compensation for our time. So that's the idea behind it is that the women are compensating us for our time. Whatever happens between adults is between two consenting adults. So people hear that and they say, well, that sounds like legal.
Starting point is 00:06:18 C-Y-A kind of stuff. But you're saying, no, you join this agency, and sometimes a woman would just hire you to go to dinner or something. Uh, yeah, uh, there was one woman I went on four dates with and we, we never had sexual encounters. There were times at the end of the dates, they would start to wrap up and, uh, she would inquire on having more hours. And she's like, I'm going to get in trouble, you got to go. And I'm like, the choice is yours. All right. I'll have a wonderful night. And so it was just, yeah, you know, you let the lady take the lead in this situation. Okay, now, hold on. So you, your girlfriend says you should. be a model, you start being a model. Then this guy says, hey, do you want to be an escort?
Starting point is 00:07:04 He messaged me on this site, and I thought it was a joke. So you show your girlfriend. What does your girlfriend say? And we were together at the time, and I was like, well, I'm not going to indulge in this. I was showing her. I was like, look at this spam. Like, can you believe this guy? It's not him. But he tells me he's messaging me on this site. And then about a year later, we ended up breaking up. She was a very wonderful one, wise and just had a good head on her. And as we're breaking up, it was a cordial breakup. She was like, remember that guy? You know, you need money. You need a, you need to, you need a new path. You should probably message that guy. And I'm one, I didn't, I didn't think I'd ever want to be an escort. I didn't think I would jump into this. I am a man of God. I love and serve God, but I've also sinned. Now, at the time, before you accept the offer from the escort agency, would you have called yourself a Christian and said you believed in God? You would have. Oh, yeah. If the man asked me, I would have told me, I love and serve God. We're not even at the part, and I'm already, this is pretty wilds, you date the, you're dating this girl, she's the one
Starting point is 00:08:05 who gets you into modeling. Then you say, hey, this jigolo guy just wants to work with me, and, and you don't do anything with it. Then as you're breaking up, this girl sounds like a horrible influence. It says, be a model, and then, hey, by the way, you should go be a jigolo now that we're broken up. It was one that, uh, you could look at it how you choose, but I, she saw something in me and challenge me, and I'm one, if there's a challenge or if someone thinks I can do something, I didn't see how possibly personally degrading it could be, you know, on the outskirts. What were you, okay, then what, at the time you're viewing this in this very positive way, you say it's a challenge, I could do it, it's kind of like modeling. But, so if you didn't think,
Starting point is 00:08:47 and I've heard this from multiple people, you didn't think it was going to be so degrading, you know, when you're getting into it. What did you think? it was going to be. I wanted to, the fact that I could spend time with someone, I'm a very much a people person. I just love people. And then with my first girlfriend that I had out of high school, I was in a four-year relationship with her, another amazing, beautiful girl, woman, but I realized I didn't
Starting point is 00:09:13 listen, right? And so I realized, like, I'm spending time with these women, and I love listening. I do like hearing them, you know, and as a young man, you know, sex is fun. even though I understand it is sinning. So was that part of it, though, when you're signing up? Because, look, I could get it. How old were you at this point? It wasn't about 24.
Starting point is 00:09:37 So part of that is your 24-year-old guy, you say, hold on, wait a second. I'm going to get paid to sleep with women. What's the catch? Exactly. So you're thinking that a little bit, too? Not necessarily as an incentive, but just like it was the, when I got the message from Garen, I just was shocked, right? I was shocked.
Starting point is 00:09:57 I was like, oh, snap, he messes me back. And he's like, I'm going to be in Vegas in two days. Can we sit down and have a conversation? And so I was back in L.A. at the time, so I'd boogieed over to Vegas. And I don't think I stayed with my ex-girlfriend. I forget where I stayed. But I had stayed over. Had a quick meeting with him.
Starting point is 00:10:17 And I was shocked. And so I was on, I just let the ball roll. I was like, he messaged me back. I went with it. And then a few, about a week later, he put me on. his team. How many people are on the team? At that time, probably about 12 to 15, but I think there's a lot more now. Because I saw... So this is still an operation. Yes, yeah. So, okay, so, and it's grown. So then at the time, you go out, you're interested in this opportunity
Starting point is 00:10:44 and you've got three potential motivations. One is helping the women. You want to talk and listen to the women. One is sex and one is money. If you had to rank them, how would you rank those three motivations? The first one. I like people. It was mostly the people. You want to help people. You want to talk to people.
Starting point is 00:11:04 You want to listen to the women. Okay. So you sign up for the company. Then what? About a week later, he calls me. He's like, all right, got our first date. I told her your little experience. So go in, own it.
Starting point is 00:11:18 Be here, this date this time. And so it was just show up. And that's in that setting there in L.A. Many people have the fake it to you make it mentality And so I could see that You know, I was like I had to Instill confidence though Is what it was
Starting point is 00:11:32 You know, I realized the fake it to you make it thing It sits but if you're faking it you're lying to yourself Right off the bat And so just have the confidence To attain in a sense And so that's how I led with I went in and my first date I got extended hours
Starting point is 00:11:46 Which the guy likes You know, it's more money all around And so from there It the dates just Not to probably too much. When you say extended hours, is that a euphemism or is that, is that, is that just a code word for sex or is that, does it just mean you go out and you actually have more drinks or whatever? Yeah, so, you know, they hire for a time frame. And if you go beyond that, then it's extra money and such. And so, and that's what the guy says. You're there
Starting point is 00:12:15 for this X hours, but if it continues, just message me in the morning and we'll take care of all the money and such or things of that nature. Yeah, that first date got extended, and I think that was kind of the, I guess he saw something, and the ball kept rolling from there. I wasn't a, you know, 10 dates a month guy. It was, you know, max three to four, and then sometimes it'll go two to three months. Okay, not to pry too much, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but that first date, this is your introduction to this industry. Yeah. Is it, are you just chatting over warm milk and cookies, or is it? It started out at a bar there along the Malibu Coast.
Starting point is 00:12:56 You know, she's sitting at a bar and walk up and introduce myself when we start chatting and get a drink and dance. And then that's when she, my first client was like a well-off lawyer. And she kind of broke it down to me why she had acquired me that night. Why? She made it very clear. She's a very busy woman. she doesn't want to go to a bar and get hassled and hackled
Starting point is 00:13:24 she knows what she wants she wants to go out have a good time and then she wants to be able to have her own household when she wants it and so it was I could see it's like she wanted to be appreciated but not heckled or hassled and she liked that her level of success gave her the ability to do that to be able to control that situation so I had to play respectfully accordingly you know And that's, I think that's one of the keys of, my roots as a Hawaii boy, you lead with respect.
Starting point is 00:13:58 You show respect to get respect. That was one of the keys, I think, that helped me in this industry is I just, I respect people. Okay. Now, again, you can just tell me, I don't want to answer that. Did you sleep with her or not? Yes. You did. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Okay. That was a different time in your life, and obviously you've gotten out of it. But that's, the reason I'm asking that is, now all of a sudden, after this first date, after this first job, you now, now know, okay, hold on, I'm not, this ain't just modeling anymore. I am, I'm now in the sex industry. Did that, how did that, did that warp your perception of yourself or no? I mean, I didn't, you know, I didn't, yeah, I didn't see it that way. I mean, obviously it is. It's clear as day. I can deny it all, but it is that. I, I could see how to, like my, that voice inside, if I'm not doing it, someone else will.
Starting point is 00:14:51 And I truly do appreciate this woman, and I don't want her to be treated or felt like she's only being used for her money, in a sense. So that was kind of in my soul. It was like I, that was one of those things. I helped me to be able to do it, you know, and not feel. So you said, in your mind, you're saying, I'm not just doing this for the money.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah. Like that, that is one, it was a child. I was like, I never thought, I never thought that would happen. I never thought that... I never wanted that door to open, but opportunity came and I jumped on it, or I owned it.
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Starting point is 00:16:00 animated without parent. Only theaters May 15th, with special engagements in Dolby. Forgive my ignorance of this. In my mind, a male jigolo, it was kind of like playgirl. Guys by Playboy and guys by Playgirl.
Starting point is 00:16:16 In my mind, it was either straight guys hiring women or gay guys hiring men. I did not think that women would actually hire a male prostitute or a jigolo or an escort or whatever the term is. It was women, though. Yeah. About 90% of the clients are women and then a few others were the males, husbands hiring me for their partner, their wife. It happened. It wasn't very prevalent, but it happened, yeah, quite a few times. And it's one of those that, yeah, it learned a lot. I learned, I learned a lot. How old are these women? The oldest was about 45. And the other one, about one was in their late 20s. Some of them were beautiful couples that were, it's like they wanted to be
Starting point is 00:17:11 able to be honest with each other. They thought they had to bring an outside source in, in order to break the threshold of their comfort with each other. So they would say things like they wanted to do like a sex act or something they thought was freaky and they were too scared to say it to their loved one because they didn't want them to be like, oh, I don't want to do that. That's gross. But then, you know, I'd be brought into the setting and it just would open up the sexual conversations. And so they were, in a sense, it was exciting to them, but it was the, it's sad to say it was the beginning of the unraveling. So it's funny, because I can, as you're explaining this, I can kind of get that in principle,
Starting point is 00:17:51 that it's almost easier if there's a third person. But it is kind of funny in a way to say, I'm too embarrassed to ask for some sort of sexual behavior with my wife or girlfriend. So instead, I'm going to propose bringing a male escort. That's somehow less odd. And I could see, too, sometimes on a, well, many times. It was the man, because they wanted to indulge in their sexual fantasies. They wanted, like, he wanted his wife to have fun with another woman. And so this was somewhat of the, I guess, balancing factor.
Starting point is 00:18:31 It was a way to not make it seem as bad, I guess, for them. And to see, see, I want my sex fun and I'm allowing you to have your sex fun. That seems truly, like, I see, as you're describing, that's like the middle ground. To me, that seems like the exact, like worst case scenario. If you're a guy, you say, well, I have this deviant fantasy about two women. So I'll meet in the middle and I'll bring in another guy. They called it the devil's threesome.
Starting point is 00:18:59 In college, I remember people saying that. So anyway, okay. So it's women. All of this is subverting my expectations. It's women. It's not just women. It's relatively young women. Are they, put aside the cuckled couples for a second.
Starting point is 00:19:18 The women, you say one of them is, okay, she's rich. So that's why she's rich, she's busy, she knows what she wants, she doesn't want to go deal with guys. Are the women ugly physically? I'm trying to figure out why, what would motivate a single woman to go hire a gigolo rather than just go to a bar, any woman can pick up any guy, basically, if you wait long enough at a bar. And that was part of it. She didn't want that hassle. You know, they didn't like the,
Starting point is 00:19:45 and it was the control of the situation. Control, I could see that. The money, the money gave them that power. Right. And I'm a very, I'm a pleaser in a sense. Like I said, I like to listen, and I've learned that. I've learned that. There's much value in listening. And because there was, you know, some of the clients, I was a regular for a few of the ladies. And then one of the other guys was also a regular for some of the ladies. And so I saw the game some of the other guys
Starting point is 00:20:16 were playing with the women in attempts to, I don't want to go too deep, but attempts to lock these rich women down, either through marriage or pregnancy of some sorts. And so I saw this game being played by a few different women of clients who I had, and that was the day I called the owner. I was like, I can't stand by this.
Starting point is 00:20:39 I can't stand by what. what is going on. So hold on. You're saying the men, the jigilos who are regulars, they say, okay, well, I got this woman who's rich, who's paying me for my services. But rather than just get a paycheck for every day, what if I impregnate this woman? In a deceitful way, meaning... Oh, very.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Yeah. It was the same game plan from a few different women, and they would tell me, like one of these, one of the women who I saw quite often would tell me the game plan or what this, one of the guys was doing behind the scenes. And then a few weeks later, or a few months later, see another client. And these women are wealthy women who are, their parents did very well.
Starting point is 00:21:22 And so they had large sums of money. And many, they, two, themselves had businesses, which they developed. But this, yeah, there was a man doing, and that's why, too, some of these women, you know,
Starting point is 00:21:33 they would, one thing we were never supposed to exchange numbers because all business was supposed to be done through the agency. Yeah, to ensure. there's no backroom deals and such. So, but I did exchange numbers with these women who had some, you know,
Starting point is 00:21:47 they had some hard times in their life and they just need someone to talk to when they were, you know, at points in their life where they're on their, their deathbed in a sense. And so... So these women who were really desperate or depressed or something. Seeking, yeah, they're seeking something. Seeking, and so they, you gave them the number, you'd have kind of offline. I try, I'm one, I, I don't. don't like to operate in that manner, but when the women would tell me, hey, I just need,
Starting point is 00:22:16 I just need someone to talk to, you know, or they would lead in that manner, and I would always try to direct them to the agency. The agency. But, you know, there was a time where I did exchange the numbers and they would call me when they, they're still paying you, just off the, off the books. Well, you know, they would, I wouldn't necessarily see them too. Like, they would call me to talk and stuff, but I did see a couple of times off the books and they would hand me some cash. Okay. So you've given me the scope of your career as a jigolo. And you say it started out, I was okay morally with the women paying me for sex, but I was not okay with these guys who are, it's crazy to think. You hear about women, you know, pretending they're on a contraceptive drug
Starting point is 00:23:04 and they're not, and it's to lock a man down. You never think of it in the other way. the man is going to try to impregnate the rich woman. But you say, okay, that part was too immoral, and that's when I got out. But there was this thing in the middle that you alluded to, which pertains to the big news story. You said, there are these guys who would hire you to sleep with their wives or girlfriends. Yes, sir. Yeah. And one of those guys is P. Diddy. Yep. And when that night came, so I did also, I worked private parties, bartended, served.
Starting point is 00:23:38 I had studios and places all around Los Angeles and stuff. And so that night, one night, was doing, it was a pretty boring event, only wine and about 13 guests at a gentleman's house at the hills. And I kind of got all the guests there, wines and stuff. And I'm sort of standing there. And the reception's real in and out. And I see my phone kind of blinking. And I'm like, oh, crap.
Starting point is 00:24:02 So I look at it. So there's a Garon James, missed call. And, you know, when he calls, it's just one of those. I was like, okay, you know, this is the real deal. It's your boss. You got to pick up. This time. So I told the guy, hey, Andy, I got to go make a phone call real quick.
Starting point is 00:24:15 And it's one of those seeds from back in the Verizon days. You know, I went to the side of the house, and I'm, like, hitting call. And it's like, no bar. No bar. Failed. Yeah, yeah. So I'm on the side of the house and there's trash cans. I'm like, oh, go through.
Starting point is 00:24:28 And I see, I'm like, okay, it goes through, and I'm holding it. And I'm like, almost up on a trash can that finally goes through to Garon James. And then he's all like, hey, you. you available? I was like, I could be. He was like, okay, we got A-listers. Are you available to be here this time? And I'm like, I will be. And so that's all that played out. I went in. I told the guy, I think his name was Andy. I was like, hey, Andy, I got a family emergency. I got a head out.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Then I'll leave all the wines out and stuff. He's like, all right, thank you very much. That was a real easy gig. And so I... So this is the most Hollywood story I've ever heard. You're already at a party in the Hollywood Hills. you get a call as a bartender. You get a call to do a, like a sex job for A-lister's at another Hollywood party. You give an excuse to the first guy, and now you're driving over to P. Dittie's house. L.A. Fitness first. I had to shower out.
Starting point is 00:25:22 They didn't want to go stinky, so I had to get clean. Have you go to a quick stop, and I'm in my little Ford Focus, you know. A. little beeper-popper works well there in L.A. because it could fit in all these parking spots. I think it was the Beverly Hills Hotel. Okay. Either there or her condo was the first one, but pull up, and this is where, so I don't know who I'm seeing. And so I show up to the address, I go up to the door, knock, and she opens the door.
Starting point is 00:25:48 This is Puff Daddy's girlfriend. This is Cassie. And I didn't know. I didn't put two and two together. And I, she opens the door. She was stunningly beautiful. Just had a presence. And I like, I almost, and she said, hi, come on in.
Starting point is 00:26:01 All right. Hey, I'm, starts telling me the situation. and I'm like walking behind her. And I know how to handle myself in a sense. I've been around beautiful people, but she had a presence. And I was like... So you're hired to do a job,
Starting point is 00:26:14 but instantly you're enamored of this woman. It was weird. Like, there was, yeah, you could... I mean, it's like, you could feel her spirit. In Hawaii, Hawaii, you vibe off people. And I didn't think that was, I didn't really know that was a thing until I got older and stuff.
Starting point is 00:26:29 And I realized, man, you can vibe off people. You can feel the energy and stuff. And so, like, she melted. me. That was the energy at first. Just melted me. Her stunning beauty and just the kindest person you could imagine. Like just the sweetest. And so this thing is like, I'm almost fainting. I'm walking behind her. And I'm like, oh, God, I feel my legs getting weak. And I just tap her show. I was like, excuse me, I just got laid out of. I'm sorry. If I'm stuttering, you're just dropped dead gorgeous. I just had to get that out of the way so that we can move forward and I'm not just losing
Starting point is 00:26:56 myself. She's like, oh, you're so sweet. Thank you. And walks me into a room, tells me the situation. I didn't realize they weren't husband and wife, but, She tells me, hey, so we're just going to have a little fun. You know, you're waiting here for now, but I'll come get you in a little bit. My husband likes to watch, you know, and then we're going to be out there on the couch, having fun, and we're just going to be playing, all right? So she were, I mean, she, in many ways, practically, they were together so long. It seems like they'd be husband and wife.
Starting point is 00:27:22 So she refers to him as her husband. Yep. Even though they was a long-term boyfriend. Yeah. And the long-term boyfriend just so happens to be, you don't know this at the time. No, I was on the assumption that this A-list or whoever he or she was. has hired the most beautiful escort. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:37 And I'm going to have fun with another escort. That was, I mean, she was that stunning, in a sense. I don't mean to mean, like, escort looking, but she just was stunningly beautiful. And so, yeah, I'm not putting this together. And then I'm sitting in the room, and she even offered, she said, oh, here's a bar. Could I make you anything? And I'm like, just, hey, thank you, though. Just go take care of yourself.
Starting point is 00:27:57 I'm good. Thank you. And then, yes, she comes back, and the session starts about 15 minutes later. So when you say the session starts, you mean you guys do the thing that married couples do? Yeah. Very, for this, you know, it's all, it's very performative. So the whole system set up, you know, like the, every flavor of Surrock is on the bar. You know, every bottle's placed in positions.
Starting point is 00:28:25 Did that give it away? He said, Sarac, hold on. Well, no, I didn't put two and two together that, you know. You don't think of it. I should have. That was the first clue. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:33 I don't think I would have put it. If I found myself in that situation. So you're there. So you say it's very performative. Because she sits on a couch and there's like a couch like this, maybe facing. She's like, okay, sit there. She puts the towel down. I was like, hey, just pour the baby oil all over me.
Starting point is 00:28:49 And it would be heated. Some heated, some just room temperature and, you know. Because I remember, I actually didn't follow the case that closely, the Diddy case. But one of the details that was in every headline was that invests. investigators seized like a thousand bottles of baby oil. Yeah, I mean, there's lots of baby oil. There's always baby oil, always. And never got old.
Starting point is 00:29:14 And I didn't see him until about the fourth or third or fourth encounter. I mean, but the first one, so we begin, she on the couch and directing, like, hey, play yourself, do this, lean this way, just, like guiding. And I see, like, a little slit in the room. And I'm one to. I want to ensure I respect all those that I've seen. I don't want to disrespect any clients. I don't want to dispel any private information.
Starting point is 00:29:40 The only reason I'm opening up about this is it's public now. So let me tell you something. Had you just sat down, we're meeting for the first time, and you told me this story, it's not that I would have immediately called you a liar, but I would have been very skeptical about your claims. You know, with this in the news, I'm sure there are going to be a lot of people who claim to have been jigelows at freakoffs or in Diddy's house or whatever. There was some guy who claimed to be a lawyer or working with the legal team.
Starting point is 00:30:08 All these people making up a lot of stories. But I know that you actually did this stuff because you didn't volunteer this to go get publicity. Your name and your picture were revealed in court. Well, yes. Well, revealed in court and then it was sort of going mainstream when 50 posted that picture. And I honestly thought because... Wait, what did, 50 Cent, you're talking about? What did he post?
Starting point is 00:30:33 He said something like, I wonder what he did to these guys or something along those lines. So it's like very assumptive, and especially with what's going on, you know, people can. So the rapper Fiddy Cent posts your picture
Starting point is 00:30:50 along with a bunch of other guys. It says, I wonder what P. Did He did to you. And your name and your picture also come out in court, which is probably where Fiddy Cent got it. Yeah. And all of this is quite corroborating of the fact that you're sitting in a hotel room at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Or was it at the Beverly Hill or at the condo or at the condo or the hotel?
Starting point is 00:31:10 And she is directing you in a sexual performance for P. Diddy, who's behind the curtain. Yeah, it was in the room and just a little creek open. And you could tell it was She was in I mean I didn't notice it Until a few sessions in But she was in under his control So hold on
Starting point is 00:31:37 But guys this is the part of the story That to me is really interesting from the legal perspective The claim of the prosecution in the Diddy case Was that he was Coercing these women Chiefly her But from the story you're describing She
Starting point is 00:31:54 welcomes you in. She tells you what to do. She's directing this. This sounds like a woman who, again, ultimately, because I have a Christian conception of liberty, ultimately, I think this is not a free woman. This is a woman who's in the thrall to a lot of vice and sin. But in the modern legal conception of liberty, it sounds like this woman's totally free. And she's telling you what to do. It doesn't sound like he's got a whip and a chain and he's... And that's, you know, I'm one, I respect the setting. I respect clients. And I realize I'm there to have a job.
Starting point is 00:32:27 So I'm there to do a job. I want to ensure the clients get what they pay for. So, like, I didn't, I wouldn't listen to their arguments and stuff. If there were some noise. But they were having arguments. I would hear things. Nothing. When I, I didn't hear vicious tones and stuff.
Starting point is 00:32:49 But I would hear noise. You could hear them discussing stuff. and some pretty strong tones. But at that time, too, I'm not like, I didn't want to include myself into anyone's business. I was like, that's not. You're hired to do a job. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:33:03 And that's, you know, I didn't want to try to get a story or anything. I didn't want to have any desire. So I didn't want to try to listen to anything. What I was going to say, initially it was very, seemed very cordial, very light. But as the sessions grew, there are times her, spirit you could tell were just, it was a completely different spirit. What do you mean by that?
Starting point is 00:33:28 Where instead of the jovial smile, hi, welcome in. What could I get you? Okay, all right, go here. We'll be out soon. I sit here. And there were times in the sessions where I saw that demon, the demon that she talked about, you know, uh, yeah. What do you mean she, a, a, like a kind of a personal demon, you know, these are the demons that are reflecting me, or did he? Yeah, did he? Did he? Did he?
Starting point is 00:33:55 You could see his... I'd see the fear. Well, and that's the thing. I made a statement to News Nation that I wanted to clear out. So there was a time in the later sessions where... How many sessions were there? I'd say in between 15 to 25. With us.
Starting point is 00:34:18 About. Probably. So, pun intended, you are very intimately. acquainted with Diddy and his girlfriend? Fairly, yeah. And he was always, like, talking to him, I'm a pupil person. I talk, I'll laugh, you can laugh at me, I love it, you know, there's, I know, no harms, no, I feel no harm in that.
Starting point is 00:34:43 But trying to talk to him, it was like talking to a soulless wall. Like, it just was all about, yeah, right here. All about the sex. Oh, yeah, like, just, like, like, I. was one time that's how the conversations were like him and I were we were on a bed separated but you know laying near the top and she was at the base performing he's like hey man why ain't why more men doing this why more guys doing this stuff and I come to realize like he he knew the agency and he knows more men are doing this and I just responded try to try to respond pretty quickly
Starting point is 00:35:17 and I was like oh men men will want to um men want to own so men will want your woman and it creates jealousy and stuff. So that was... When he says, why aren't more men doing this? Does he mean, why aren't more men doing what I'm doing? Yeah. Like, Gigolo and being a... More men doing what you're doing? Yes. Why aren't more men? Because it seems like, you know, for like a teenage boy, maybe,
Starting point is 00:35:38 it seems like, I got paid... Why have more dudes doing this? And your answer is, because men want... Ownership. They want owner. They want a woman of their own. They don't want to... That was my quick response, and, you know, I was just trying to give him an answer. I didn't want to leave him. hanging and stuff. But that's what it was. It just, there was never any more than that. So in a sense, too, there's, I've only bought one CD in my life and it was, I'll be missing you, but did he, you know, that song he wrote for his, who I thought was his brother. And it took me, but it took me, I thought about it. I was like, because I just wanted to, you know, I, I didn't want to connect, connect, I'm there for a job, but I'm like, I want to know this guy. Yeah, I just want to have a cordial conversation. I just want to break the ice and just talk to you, you know, I mean, you're, I'm over here.
Starting point is 00:36:21 sleeping with your girlfriend. Your lady and I just want to know you as a man. And so I told him one day I finally I was like, I was just going to just say it like, hey man, I only bought one CD in my life. It was the piece you put together for your brother, a little small man, I'll be missing you. And I thought that would be like, oh,
Starting point is 00:36:37 he could talk about his brother and I could talk about my brother and we could like start to relate that way. His response was, that's what's up. Yeah. I'm just like, cool, man. All right. All right. Right back to work.
Starting point is 00:36:51 Yeah. So this guy, from the picture you're painting and the courts have painted and from like video footage, I guess, is a, is a sex crazed animal. Is that overstating it? That's, I could, I mean, I would say that's fair. That's definitely fair. For my own personal experience, this is like, yeah, it's like he had a, and it was the power, too, you know, I could tell it was the power that turned him on as well. It wasn't just the naked bodies touching and stuff. It was the power. This is going to, this maybe is a dumb question, there are going to be a lot of people asking,
Starting point is 00:37:33 and this is my confusion too. If you're a guy and you have a pretty girlfriend, you should get married, I guess, and have kids and have a big family in a good life. But even short of that, it seems to me you'd want to just sleep with your girlfriend a lot because she's really hot. how why would you want to why would you want some other guy to sleep with your girlfriend and
Starting point is 00:38:00 why would you pay for it that you know i don't know the exact answer to that one because i'm i'm like you i want my one you're the guy in this situation and you don't know the answer i have no idea i don't i don't understand how why that i i don't you know i think it's the deception it's one of the devil's greatest tool is that like you think you're satisfied but you want more, you know, you just, you just want more. Like, this was fun, but you could have more. And if you don't have something to steer you in line to be like, no, that's a sin. You don't need that. Your flesh will, you know, indulge. So basically, you're the rich rapper, you have a hot girlfriend, you've, you've done that thing 10 billion times, and now,
Starting point is 00:38:48 because it's not ordered, it's not ordered toward something, it's not, you just need more titillation. And that's what I think it is, yeah. Okay. That's my assumption as to, you know, like, you hear the audio of what may have happened behind closed doors with Diddy and some rappers, you know, and then some of them aren't as famous as they were before those moments that they had with Diddy. And I think it's, it's my assumption.
Starting point is 00:39:15 It's a power thing. Right, because, hold on, the thing you're alluding to, which I think is public, it's not, we're not exactly revealing private sins here. Diddy's like half a gay guy? It seems like he's doing weird stuff with guys and making guys do weird stuff with him. I want to make it very clear. He never touched me.
Starting point is 00:39:33 Him and I never had any physical interactions. That's good. I just want to make that clear. But that does add a wrinkle to this where you say, well, hold on, if he's half a gay guy, why does he even have a girlfriend? Because he's just a perver, basically, is it, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:50 Many other men that I've talked to, like Cassie is one of the most beautiful women. You could, like, she's, she's a very gorgeous beautiful woman. And I think Diddy, you know, he had that and he wants to be above everyone else. So that was kind of his, his satisfaction. It was like, her beauty is great, but, but I own it. And you want it, but I own it. So, this is one, so there was a few times where I got to see that side of the Diddy, where it was all about power and her and I can have no interaction without him there. If he, because there was a moment we're doing, you know, we're naked and on a couch. And Diddy kind of gets up and walks.
Starting point is 00:40:36 And she just kind of pauses and then just sits like this. And I kind of lean back on the couch and then I just kind of, hey, I forget what the topic. I tried to bring up. I was like, hey, you know, what happened yesterday or blah, blah, blah. Just something off the top. Catch those Yankees? Yeah, there's something just to break the ice in a sense. And she just goes, not till he comes back.
Starting point is 00:40:59 Just, nope, wait till he comes back. And just like straight. And so that's when I made a statement on News Nation. It wasn't fear I was sensing, but it was, this woman knows next level what she has to do to get through this situation. Like she knows if I even possibly talk with him, he's going to. What'd you say to him? What are you talking about? Because there's video of him beating her in a hallway. I was supposed to be there that night.
Starting point is 00:41:26 I was supposed to. Yeah, I got to figure that, found that out from a reporter who found out all the chat logs and stuff. But yeah, I was supposed to be there that night. Yeah, it would have been, I don't know what would happen. But that's how I would like to see it. It's like I'm the guy, I don't, I like to, I never start a fight, but I like to, I would like to bring it down. I would like to try to tone it down. And, you know, I don't, I like to try to bring peace and civility.
Starting point is 00:41:54 So, so you were supposed to be there the night, Diddy's film, beating his girlfriend. And you're wondering, rather than say, man, I'm so glad I wasn't there that night, you're thinking, man, had I been there, maybe that wouldn't happen. I like to think there's a chance that I could have hopefully brought the spirit down. I don't know. Like, that's, like, maybe just trying to, maybe I'm talking a little too tall here. But it's like, that's kind of been my, I guess my thing. I have a vibe, I guess, you know, and I don't mind getting punched in the head.
Starting point is 00:42:23 If it could bring some peace in civilly, I will fight back and try to defend myself. But at the same time, I don't know, I would try to bear hug him if I saw him beat her up. I don't know what would have happened. But I would have tried to quell the situation. If not, you know, yeah, I probably would have had to talk with the guy and be like, man, this, Garon, been like, nah, I don't stand for this. Because I absolutely would not stand for that action. So, so. Do not stand for a man putting his hands on a woman. Of course. I would tell you, I hope not. But take me back to this moment on the couch. P. Diddy leaves the room. You guys were doing whatever you were doing. He leaves the room, stops. She turns away. You try to talk to her. She says, we're not, we're not even supposed to talk. She just goes into her own head. At this moment, before that, I could see how you could tell yourself, well, hey, it's all just fun. This is what they want to do.
Starting point is 00:43:17 do and I'm just part of what they want to do and I'm just here to serve the client, keep the customer satisfied. At this moment, does it dawn on you, maybe she doesn't want to be doing this? Maybe not in those exact terms, but I was like, it was like, whoa, who follow her lead. You know, like, oh shit, this is okay, she's telling me something. When they asked the News Nation, did you sense fear? And I said, I didn't sense fear, but it was, it was, because I was in the presence of a survivor. Not just a survivor, but my mom helped me correlate these thoughts of a, not a victim, but she's a survivor. That's what she was.
Starting point is 00:43:56 She was not a victim there, but she was a survivor. And she knew that to get through this situation and possibly not get a beat down, she couldn't talk without. So why didn't she leave? Why did she tried to leave that night in the hotel? And then he drags, she was at the, on video. She was at the elevator, and he catches her right before the elevator and drags her back and kicks her back and kicks her. hits her and beats her. He's just a complete animal, a savage. But in that moment, he leaves, she could have run away. No, maybe not. Maybe she's got some psychological damage.
Starting point is 00:44:29 The arms of, this is where, too, I'm a simple man. I'm a, like I said, I'm a Hawaii boy. Things are very, I look at things very simply. I know things are very complicated, but when you break things down simply, it helps me to understand them. Why didn't she leave? the arms of whatever system Diddy has are much bigger than any we can perceive that we know of. And I say this because Diddy one time, and this is after a great session. So there's a few moments where I realize, like, I understood my place in a sense. So one time Did he, I get, so every time I go, have to turn off the phone, hand it to him first thing. Hand on the phone.
Starting point is 00:45:12 They take the phone every session. The end of the night comes, hands the phone in the cash. And he's like, it comes up to me. And this was like, it was nothing. This was like very, seem like very cordial. No. Like, everything went smooth. And he's handing me in my phone and stuff.
Starting point is 00:45:25 He's like, hey, man, you know, I know everyone's grandma and shit, right? And where they live? And I'm just like, yeah, we're good. And he's like, I, I, I. So, so, though, I decided to look at it. I didn't want to be like. What? He tells me, you know where, I know where everyone's grandma.
Starting point is 00:45:40 He said, you know, I know where everybody and their grandma lives, right? And then I just had to, you know, I had to think. I do pause, I didn't want to be like, I know people too. I know where your grandma is, did he? I know where you live, right? I didn't want to play none of that game. So I just had to like, I absorbed it and I realized, oh, I know what he's saying. Yeah, you know.
Starting point is 00:46:00 It's threatening you. In a sense, yeah, I was saying it without saying it. And he's like, all right, and I said to look. I'm like, yeah, we're good. We're good, man. And so he's, all right, all right, I had to be my phone. So I was just like, that he knows that what he's doing is bad. bad. He knows that it's
Starting point is 00:46:17 degenerate would be damaging to his reputation. Even his reputation. Well, and I got another story to back that up. So, one time, I I mean, at that time especially, I was
Starting point is 00:46:31 fascinated by Cassie, and so I would bring her gifts. I had a duffel bag. I had a duffel bag with gifts and outfits or whatever, you know, to we didn't really go too deep into it, but. Gifts, like, just for her, or for the performance, just for her?
Starting point is 00:46:47 Just for her. How much are they paying you? Those are my highest paying clients. They paid well. I can imagine. They paid pretty well. I'm not a wise spender, so I would take a portion of what they paid me, and I would go buy her gifts. That's very nice, very generous. But I had a bag, had a duffer bag with some outfits and a couple gifts and stuff. I had my watch. So I put my bag down on a counter and like,
Starting point is 00:47:13 the setting was somewhat like this. but it was more of like the counter against the wall with some drawers and stuff. I put my bag on the side and I had a G-shock and I put it on the table. We go through the whole night, the whole session and get everything done, put my watch up, go to the door, and we're wrapping up.
Starting point is 00:47:31 And he's all, yeah, yeah, that watch, that one of those, and this is what, like five, six, seven or eight years ago? Yeah. It's not more. It's like, yeah, hey, that watch did. That one of them with them cameras in it? And I was like, and then I was like,
Starting point is 00:47:43 My mind spans, I was like, oh, yeah, I was on the counter. I was like, oh, snap, I must have been facing out. And I'm guessing he saw that. So I'm like, this? Oh, no, it's a G-shock. I was like, oh, no, dude. You know what? No, it doesn't here.
Starting point is 00:47:55 You guys take? He's like, no, no, we're good, we're good. No, no. We got a camera, and I'm like, we're good, man. I was like, you know what? The guilty man flees when none pursueth. So you left the watch? Yeah, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:48:07 I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to you to have any thoughts. I was like, yeah, you know what, dude? trash. I was just like, it's not worth it. It's a 50-buck watch. I don't know. G-Shack's a nice watch. I love him. Yeah. But he, obviously, he was paranoid, as you should be. That line of, it's a great line of scripture, the guilty flee when none pursueth. You're all, if you're doing bad stuff, first of all, everyone knows someone's watching. Someone up there's watching. And so you, all of a sudden, you think, does someone, does that guy, does my co-worker know, does my wife know the thing that I just did. I don't think you threaten, I'm going to go kill your grandma if it's just,
Starting point is 00:48:48 you know, people might write mean things about me online. And I'm assuming he thought I would turn around and write a book or something, you know, too exposed. But I'm not that guy. Like even like I, like when this all happened, my phone starts blowing up, you know, going into the trial. And, you know, I didn't know how to take it. It just was a storm. But I just, I get, that's the only reason I did give a few interviews. I just wanted my, side to be heard. A lot of my buddies back home are like, oh, what did he do to him, man? What the heck? People's minds wandered. He didn't do anything to me, is what you said. He didn't do anything to me.
Starting point is 00:49:23 He paid me to sleep with his girlfriend. And, you know, but, you know, people's minds will wander and they have the right to. That's, we all assume things. So Diddy beats the racketeering charges, which are the really serious charlie. He's running a major criminal enterprise. Do you think, in your fairly extensive experience, in his criminal enterprise, alleged criminal enterprise. Should he have been found guilty? If you were on the jury, would you have voted to find him guilty? How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer?
Starting point is 00:49:53 Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount, safe driver discount, new vehicle discount, storage discount, legacy. How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usa.com slash auto discounts. Restrictions apply. I would have to see the evidence, but... You saw some of it up close. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:11 With what I've experienced. Yeah, absolutely. There's arms to what he did. You know, this operation doesn't happen. It has to have an orchestrator. The symphony doesn't, it would sound like a bunch of banging rackets, and it would have been a mess. But these were operations. So in a sense, like, you know, I did many events.
Starting point is 00:50:31 And so as I go into the situation, I see the bottles and everything. I was like, wow, this is a production. You know, that's like one of my first thoughts. Like, this is a production. I'm like, after two, I realized it's Diddy. I'm like, yeah, I don't see Diddy up here putting these bottles. And, you know, I don't necessarily think that's a crime, setting up a situation. But everyone knows what's going on, you know.
Starting point is 00:50:51 And so in a sense, too, that's what I've come to realize as a way that the rich and powerful get away with things, the term called plausible deniability, you know, so. So he was always one step removed. And so he's got to sign. And I believe he understands the game to a level and he has people in places that can do things and move things in order to get his. desired outcome and such. When he threatened you, were you afraid?
Starting point is 00:51:17 No. No. Like, I mean, it's just like, I see myself as like, I'm like, dude, I'm a nobody. Like, come on that. But you're nobody. He's always so much time.
Starting point is 00:51:27 But you got dirt on him. You might be kind of a nobody, meaning you're not rich and famous. But you have knowledge about bad things he's doing, which means you have leverage, which means you have power. First of foremost, I serve God.
Starting point is 00:51:41 So it's like, if you're going to send me to my maker, quicker, go for it, buddy. Like, come on, like, come on. And if God doesn't want it, to have fun, buddy, it'll be fun for you. But I guess that's a good attitude to have, generally.
Starting point is 00:51:55 We don't want to have servile fear. We want holy fear. But now, Did he could have faced life? He could have died in prison. Given the outcome of the trial, he'll face four or five years. He hasn't been sentenced yet as of our conversation. if you were afraid then before you had spilled anything publicly,
Starting point is 00:52:13 before any of this had come to light, are you not at least a little bit afraid of reprisal now? This guy's got tentacles, arms. You're not at all afraid of reprisal? No, no. Do you think he might try to have a reprisal? I mean, if he's something like, I mean, I doubt it. I mean, I'm a small twig in this big old tree,
Starting point is 00:52:34 but if he wants to waste energy on me, have fun. I'll play the game. I mean, now I'm not welcoming it. I'm not trying to call him out or anything, but I respect how they respected me, and I don't respect his conduct. But it is what it is. I move forward.
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Starting point is 00:54:24 survivor, which means she's surviving some bad experience, which means if she's sensible at all, she's got some fear of more bad experiences, and she's been victimized at some point such that she could survive. Did you ever have any moral qualms to say, man, she doesn't like this and I'm, I'm being used to inflict this on her? I struggled to, I didn't see it like that in perspective. I didn't see, I, like, I guess just my passion to serve. I just was blinded by the situation. I'm here to serve. I'm going to do my duty. Serve the client. In this case, the clients did. It took, it did take me, you know, I guess I wouldn't say a few years, but it took me to, you know, to step out of that situation in a sense, like I guess call it breaking out of the
Starting point is 00:55:09 matrix for me to see it for what it was. Because, so there's other situations too where, like, my mindset, I couldn't see it for the evil it was, especially being, obviously I don't want to think I'm that evil. Yes. Is that why? Because that, look, we've all done it. Whenever I've been terrible and, well, we're all sinners, but I've been, I've been worse than at other times, you know, in my life. And in the moment, you don't see it as clearly as you do in retrospect. Because what? Because you don't. You say, well, I can't be the bad guy.
Starting point is 00:55:44 And for me, it was, I like to please. I like to serve. If I'm not doing it, like some other wicked douchebag might come in and service these ladies, but it's not in the same spiritual context. I don't say I give my soul, but I do give my heart to those times. I listen fully. You know, and so my thought was, well, if I'm not going to see them, some other guys will, and they're not going to give them, you know, the desire.
Starting point is 00:56:12 I'm going to give it my all. If you're going to engage in an exploitative act or if you're going to be subjected to an exploitative act, better it be with me than with some bad guy. Yeah, that was somewhat the, I guess, how I made it okay in my own mind, you know. And I guess the attention, too, kind of made me blind to it. The fact that, you know, the fact that people would pay for my in. I'm like, this world's crazy. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:36 When I started modeling, then people and women would pay me for my time. I'm like, these ladies are even crazier, but I must be doing something right. And if I can, you know, obviously I'm going to pay for it, but if I can serve someone and put a smile on someone's face, I'll do it. And even though I, now that I respect how degrading it is, my conversation with those women that maybe want to spend time with me, the conversation would be different. You know, I would try to lead it in different directions and I would not sleep with them. Right. I'm not that guy anymore, but I do want to have heart to heart. Right, right. Because that seems to be the thread. The through line of all of this is you want to please people. And even, you know, as you say, these women want the service. And you say, I want to give it to them, even if it's not good for them.
Starting point is 00:57:20 There was one time I remember I was out with a buddy. We were a cigar bar late at night, you know, having a smoke, having some drinks. We go out and a bum on the street comes up and he says, hey, can you give me money? And I said, what do you want the money for? food food I said you don't want you're not gonna you are not don't lie to me you're not gonna use this money
Starting point is 00:57:39 to get food and he was like no you're right I'm gonna use this money to get a drink and I said okay well I can't I can't give it to you
Starting point is 00:57:46 and this is why not you've been drinking I was like I have been drinking but drinking's not that bad for me I don't need to drink it doesn't make my life worse but drinking would be bad for you because it would make your life worse
Starting point is 00:57:59 and I don't want to participate in making your life worse and that was how we left it. He was cool. He was fine with it. So when you say, well, if I were going on these dates now, the conversations would be different. Yeah. Is that the distinction?
Starting point is 00:58:13 Yeah, it would be much more depth of what are you seeking. He went temporary pleasure. What's really good for you? Yeah, because that's one thing. Took me, I'm one, I doubt things until I see you to live it, you know? And so, you know, this is another instance. While in a situation like that, you know, living in Sodom and Gomor basically in L.A. where it's just pure sin.
Starting point is 00:58:34 Yeah. But there was a moment. This is where it was just kind of affirmation of the Holy Spirit. Again, on a couch doing our thing. And Diddy kind of walked around in the kitchen so he was present this time. And she kind of sits back. You kind of sits back. And she's like, I don't know. It's just something about you. There's like an energy or spirit just about you. I don't know. It's different. But I like, I like it. And it's pretty awesome. And I just was like, What? I was like, what would make her say that? Like, you know what? How, what would make her feel like something about me? And I come to realize that was probably my mom on her hands and knees praying for me at that moment in time. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, hold on. So this is another, you become a model and then a jiggleau and then a jiggleau for Puff Daddy. Does your family know about this?
Starting point is 00:59:23 No, I didn't tell anyone. No way. It's not one. I didn't bash. Like, no one I worked with. I don't think, I think I, I had kind of made a side reference. I never talked straight up because I respect my clients and I don't. Because you pointed off camera because you met my producer, Ben Davies, doing a good friend, catering jobs back in the day. So you, and so, but you weren't telling people that you were doing this. I never dated girls at my work and I never, I didn't, I didn't talk about this. No, this was, yeah, I didn't find necessarily, I wasn't proud of it necessarily.
Starting point is 00:59:56 but I appreciated serving women and making decent money. I was able to live, survive there in L.A. I wasn't a wise investor, which I should have been, but I was able to just get by decently. And you didn't expect to be brought up by prosecutors in a major criminal case years later. Yeah, and that's the thing too. I just got blasted.
Starting point is 01:00:23 It was on a Monday. Just get blasted by every outlet. CNN, NBC, and they're all, I realized, because the people article would come out. There's a guy, it's actually a decent. This guy, I don't like, I don't like media personnel. I do not like the media, because in my job, I realized, too, like, I was that fly on the wall. You know, I'd be serving behind places, and then you hear people talk about, like, people in the media. It's like, it doesn't matter what the hell the truth is. It just matters what make the peasants believe. It's just got to make your truth, their truth. I don't hear these things,
Starting point is 01:00:52 like, huh? You know, I'm sorry, my brain. I forget where I was going with that. Because you're working, as you say, you're only working the juggalo jobs a handful of days per month. That's not, you have other days, you're working other jobs, you're catering. So you're getting a really direct view of Gamora by the Sea when you're cucking Puff Daddy. But you're getting another view of Gamora by the sea when you're overhearing these hot shot A listers at the parties. Executives talking about stuff about how, oh, we'll have a, oh, well, We're going to have this in the film and people would talk about like how they would set up social constructs or social narratives.
Starting point is 01:01:32 They would talk about, um, and you know, I didn't directly hear about the transgender movement, but they would talk about how they would implement ideas through their show. And then, well, they know this person at the Department of Education and then they know this person over here to enable to work this out. So if there's ever any legal recourse, I know the prosecutor. So let's go. talking about instilling messages in their media and stuff like subliminal type messages and things like that too and this is the thing too at the time i'm a fly on the wall and i'm like i'm hearing this but i'm thinking no people weren't that stupid like and then this is at the time where you know algorithms grown up and people are doing everything algorithm based and even as i'm hearing them say this behind closed doors my soul was thinking oh people aren't that stupid people can think for themselves and then you see things like the tide pod
Starting point is 01:02:20 challenge come out on snapchat and things like this where That was when Zoomers were eating Tidepots, right? That was there. And it's, you know, you hear, and there was a party that I had worked on, it was on the Hermosa Beach Pier, and it was someone in the early days that had been around a few years now, one or two. And so it was sort of a, it was a pretty awesome party there on the pier. And you heard guys talking about like,
Starting point is 01:02:46 yeah, well, that stupid bitch in high school, I just got to tweak an algorithm and she's sending me nudes and stuff. It's just like, you hear how they can just, you know, create the realities for, and like these people who are running these platforms and stuff, all they got to do is put in a few algorithms. I could just go, kill that algorithm, but they're like, this is funny. How many people will, how many will we get? Well, and there's a parallel too, because you're saying the part that's so confusing
Starting point is 01:03:14 for people is why, if you're a rich, powerful guy, would you pay some dude to sleep with your girlfriend? And so what's about the control? And here you're talking about the control from the level of the media. executives down to just random degenerates in Hollywood. And so, look, this is the, as far as I'm concerned, primordial sin, this desire to be in control of everything, to make yourself into God. You know, you shall be as gods, is the promise from the serpent in the garden. It's the premise of the liberal ideology, which is no men, no gods, no kings, only men, and we're going to make ourselves gods,
Starting point is 01:03:48 we're going to remake the world as we like. So, okay, all of this is tracking my, philosophical priors. But what about your moral reality? You're in this, you're working your catering jobs, then however many times per month, you're going over, doing the jigolo gigs, cuckolding, puff daddy, having this nice, apparently nice relationship with Cassie, his girlfriend. How do you get out of it? How do you get out of the puff daddy freak-off scene? And how do you get out of jiggleowing? When I realized that, you know, that thought of, I want to provide them, I want to give them the best experience, I want to provide them with a good time, I realized how it, how detrimental it really was for it. And it was, so one threshold that helped me see the depths of evil to this and how I personally was blinded by the narrative and my own.
Starting point is 01:04:50 And contributing to it. Huh? And contributing to it by participating to it. By participatory. Exactly. Yeah. So there was one client I had. He was the Dean of Medicine. The only reason I'm going to say this now, because he was arrested in like 2018. Okay. That's a sick individual, by the way. And so he was a client of mine. And sorry, don't mean to laugh. You're talking about a guy at a prestigious school in a very serious position in medicine, engaging in a threat to. public health and and it this is how it gets so discus so he had a young girl not yeah uh about 21 22 and this is where how old to see like 68 at the time and uh this is how i got to see the true dark side and how my own mindset uh how clouded my own judgment was so she here there's a box you know about yay big uh off to the side he opens it up and it's got about about
Starting point is 01:05:53 six, seven, eight different hardcore drugs in it. And so they get a pipe, put some, I guess, meth in it, and just light it up right there and start smoking it. And in my own mind, I'm thinking, well, that's a dean of medicine. He must know what drugs are safe. He must know how to pass the drug tests. I guess the drug test deems that you're like, and then I'm like, no. That's how twisted this all is.
Starting point is 01:06:17 And what really disgusted me is how, you know, you would see articles written in media outlets where I would have, you know, I would have a session with the Dean of Medicine, and he's a disgusting degenerate. Degenerate. And then you would hear the source of the information, the source for the information in that article was the Dean of Medicine. So I'm just like, like, that's where I'm like, oh, like that's sick that they're, I forget with the topic logs. It was a long time. It was a while back, but there's, there was things of concern. And the LA Times would be like, you know, headline, do this. Source. I was smoking
Starting point is 01:06:56 last night. Yeah, well, I didn't indulge. I at least saw him smoking math. Yes, and what this is also what, you know, what I saw with some of the men that would, were cockles and would have me
Starting point is 01:07:11 come in to please their ladies, he would show me pictures and videos of about four or five black dudes doing things to her. And I just, like, just, just, I did want to punch him in the face, but I was just utterly disgusted. Yeah, that's how degrading. Yeah, he was a sick, sick man.
Starting point is 01:07:33 At the same time? Well, she went to, like, use the bathroom. And he said, oh, yeah, look, look what we were doing last week. And he's just showing me the videos of, like, four dudes. I'm going to work on it. And there was a moment where he walked out, and he wasn't as controlling as did he, but he walked out. and she's sitting next to me. And my soul, I was just like, my soul felt it.
Starting point is 01:07:55 It was one of those I was just like, wow. And so I didn't know what to ask, but I just look at her. I was like, hey, are you okay with all this? You okay with all this? And she was like, well, my mom's a drug addict. I'm a drug addict. So I get to do this and have fun. Yeah, I'm for it.
Starting point is 01:08:13 And I was just like, oh. He put the hooks in, you know? And he's going to keep. Because there you have. admission that it's not even just that you get a girl who's psychologically messed up, but you get a girl who's a drug addict. He's exploiting a girl who's a drug addict to feed his own degenerate sexual vices. That is sick stuff, man.
Starting point is 01:08:37 That is, because we were talking earlier about different conceptions of freedom. That girl is not free. I mean, if you're... And from the outside looking in, people would be like, you get to live in a mansion with this rich man and you've done nothing? Yeah. Yeah, she's like the lack of error, she's a complete slave to the drug, well, him and the drugs, and she's an absolute slave in that situation. Because she doesn't get her drugs, she turns in, who knows if she turns into what he's got him.
Starting point is 01:09:03 So do what I say. So what, the minute you say these Degens, who are, some of whom have, well, Puff Daddy, it's super rich, super famous, very powerful, but then this other guy, it's almost worse, because he's got this really white-collar, mainstream, supposedly respectable job. Not that I respect university administrators all that much. I'm a little skeptical of them generally, but should be a very respectable job. And they're engaging in this gross, gross stuff. Are they porn addicts?
Starting point is 01:09:36 Are they... Godless. What led them to? My assumption is they're godless, and so they... Yeah. They are. I'm sorry to cut you off, and I want to hear your point on this. I just mean at a very direct level, how would you even get the idea to invite four dudes over to abuse your girlfriend?
Starting point is 01:09:58 Is it, is it, is it a, is he a porn addict? I don't know, I'm not asking. I'm assuming porn was the gateway, the ultimate gateway. I don't know exactly, but it's one of those. Like, it's a degeneracy. I don't know. I can't comprehend. It's just something I can't fathom that level of degenerate. So you say, so you make the very good point with that, obviously, Godlessness.
Starting point is 01:10:24 And yeah, because I love people. Like I, I could never do something so degrading to another individual. And why? Because God says doing to others as you would have done unto you. And I can see, like, these guys, they don't get this type of, no one dictates what they do in this sort of way. So in a sense, like you said earlier, they're their own God. And so this is how they, the only way. they've, you know, that's a slippery slope that never ends if you serve Satan. That's a slippery slope. Oh, we go straight down. It's going to go deeper and get a lot hotter.
Starting point is 01:10:53 In fact, John Milton in Paradise Law says, in the mouth of Satan, he says, the mind is its own place. It can make a hell of heaven in heaven and hell better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven, which is, which is why I say it's, this is the idea, this is at the heart of the ideology of liberalism, but really it goes back to the original sin. So you see these guys, in your mind, you're saying, I'm a Christian, I believe in God, I'm spiritual, I'm feeling vibes of souls and stuff. But you're looking around, you're saying, well, hold on, the people I'm literally serving in this moment are godless.
Starting point is 01:11:28 Yeah. And I'm serving them. Yeah. It would, yeah, yeah. What does that say about me? Yeah, it's hard for me. I didn't recognize it as that. See, my dream, too, as a kid was my mom would always tell me, you better marry a Christian girl, you better marry a Christian girl. And I see, I see why now. This is a, we're in a spiritual battle here in this world. But my goal is, I love you, Mom, but I want to bring them to Christ. I want that challenge.
Starting point is 01:11:50 I want to bring them to Christ. And so I know that sounds very dark and twisted, but, like, if, I hope to be that pathway one day for anyone. If it's one person. But what if you met, you're not married? No, sir. What if you met a nice Christian girl and you hit it off? Would you say, well, no, I don't want to marry you because I want the challenge of converting a son? No, I realize my flesh can mislead me.
Starting point is 01:12:14 In this battle, I want to partner. I don't want to, I'm at the point where I want that boost, not the lift up, you know. I don't want to be trying to drag someone into Christ's path. I want that boost. I want to work as a partnership in the spiritual war around because that's what it is. Probably a sign of maturity. But I feel like we've skipped something. You realize this is bad.
Starting point is 01:12:40 You realize you've made a mistake. You realize you've got to get out of this. Tell me about the last session. with Diddy. Tell me about the last session, period. Tell me nuts and bolts how you get out of it. I can't exactly recall the last session with Diddy because his was funny.
Starting point is 01:13:01 He actually called me because I had come home about eight years ago. I went home to Hawaii and working on my family project. We got a family project out there. And it was about three or four months I'd been home. And Diddy calls me. He calls me and it's like four in the morning. out there and he calls me. He's like, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, you around? And I was like, and this is where it goes into, I was attempting, I was trying to talk to him and be like, hey, man, he should probably
Starting point is 01:13:25 come out to Hawaii sometime. You know, I got this place where there would be no paparazzi or anything, and he's just, click. And I'm like, oh, yeah, he's trying to get down to business. I wasn't going to talk about doing any future services or nothing, but I wanted to possibly get him out to our property and, like, talk Christ with him. I know that won't work, but that was my goal. My work. You're in Hawaii. You get effectively a booty call from Puff Daddy. You say, no, I'm not really doing that. But anyway, you want to come hang out and get some pineapple? And before he hangs out, yeah. I'm like, oh, yeah. He just, he wants to get the business. So, yeah. But we never, it's probably about four or five years ago. Five or six. So, okay, so you just, you can't recall the last time you worked for P. Diddy. It was, you know, the sessions were, it was like moments like that when he would tell me, hey, my grandma, you know, I know people or, you know, that watch.
Starting point is 01:14:23 It was moments like that that stuck, but it had become a process in a sense. So I don't remember like the last one because I'm not like a numbers guy. I have no idea. Did you quit or did they just stop calling? I did quit because I had realized that this business operation was much darker than I thought. And I had a conversation with Garron about, and this is I don't want to go. go too deep into it of, but one of the actions of one of the other jigilos was very, uh, dirty, dark. Like he was trying to plant his seeds into rich women and I could see the game plan of what he
Starting point is 01:14:59 was trying to do in a sense of impregnate these women and divorced them and just to screw them. And so I saw this. And to get money? To get money? Yeah, okay. To get money for himself. And this guy was, this guy was a demon. This guy was a disgusting dude, a pathetic prick.
Starting point is 01:15:13 and what he would do is he would abuse these women mentally, and he would, the ladies told me the psychological abuse he used on them and the psychological games he played to have his plan come together. They're the ones hiring him. So how can they claim to be abused by him? They're the ones in charge. That's, what is it, Stockholm Syndrome? In a sense, like, that's all I can contribute it to.
Starting point is 01:15:38 But it's where, you know, they had a connection with them, but then, you know, I guess with time, his true intentions would come through, and then so it would get dark, and then, you know, they, he would, he would, they would, the ladies would tell me that he would tell them, hey, you have to see me. Like, I'm coming. Like, you know, you better be ready because I'm coming. And so they'd be like, all right, you know, like, okay. And I guess it was a sense of submission, you know, and they just.
Starting point is 01:16:05 The sense of submission, like they were into it? Sort of, no, I guess, in a say, in a way, too. Like, even this guy was twisted and distorted. and I'm kind of just the very, I'm the opposite. Like, I love to serve. I'll do anything for you. You want me to go get this? I'll do that.
Starting point is 01:16:19 Well, he was the, like, I own you and you're going to do this for me. I'm assuming. You know, those are the stories he told. So this actually, okay, this starts to make sense, and it helps to make sense of the Cassie, P. Diddy situation, too, which is, you could say, in this situation, the woman could say, I want a man to be really mean to me. That's what I'm paying for.
Starting point is 01:16:40 Yeah. I want that. I could see, I do see, how that was, and it's one of those things getting into it. I never thought that a woman would want that. I thought women want to be treated like queen's princesses, but there is a side that like a woman, some women do like to be choked, some women do like to get, you know, they like to know the man's in control. But this is what, this is what St. Paul talks about when St. Paul says, the things I want to do, I don't do, and the things that I don't want to do, I do, that to a modern liberal person doesn't
Starting point is 01:17:08 make any sense because you do the things you want to do and you don't do the things that you don't want to do. But that's not how human nature works. We do, there are parts of us that are concupiscent that want, that just want to sin, that want some guy to beat him up or want some, you know, some for the guys want to do some gross thing with a woman. And you can, you're the lower part of you can want that, whereas the higher part of you can know, I don't really want that. So how do you reconcile those things? and so I guess that was kind of the what pushed me out the door is when I realized that this was much darker and wasn't as friendly to the women as I thought and the relationship that the owner of the company and
Starting point is 01:18:00 these ladies had when I had informed him of some of the actions of one of his men and how on of this company I thought it was and just just outright unshivalriss he was yeah and just there are things that this could like destroy the company because what he's doing if these women hire a good lawyer and play this out yeah this all could come back around so I was trying to inform like hey you got to get rid this guy because here's what's going on his response was it's business this isn't your business this is none of your business and this is business. And then he was like, did you guys exchange numbers?
Starting point is 01:18:35 And I was like, yeah, we did. Because there were times she was on her, you know, she wasn't doing so well. And she reached out to me and I had a conversation with her. And I was like, I'll give you back any money you want. I'll pay you whatever you want because she did, you know, we did communicate. He was like, no, no, we're good.
Starting point is 01:18:50 We're done. I was like, all right, I'm done. I ain't going to play this game. Once I realized that it was, that's what I realized. Like, it was for the company, it was just, it's a business. money. So whatever we've got to do to show up, show up more. Even if you've got to degrade these women, put it down, it doesn't matter. More business. I wasn't for that. Right, right, because you would hope that at some point, the owner of the agency and the workers would say, well, people
Starting point is 01:19:15 aren't commodities to be bought and sold. Exactly. People are people. But it also sheds light on the freakoffs, because I can totally understand in principle how the freak off started. Because it's like any party. It's like the Garden of Earthly Delights. It starts at, wouldn't this be fun if we all, hey, let's all have a drink. That's fun, right? Having a drink is fun. But you know what's more fun than one drink is two drinks. And you know what's more fun than two drinks? By the way, that part's true. Two drinks is more fun than one drink. And then you know it's more fun than two drinks? Ten drinks. That part's not true. Actually, 10 drinks is less fun than two drinks. But okay. And you know what's fun? What if we had a bunch of our girlfriends here? That could be fun. And what if we had like
Starting point is 01:19:56 multiple girlfriends here. Well, hold on. That sounds like it's more fun. I mean, you know, 99 problems and, you know, sometimes you get, sometimes more money is more problems too. I'm learning all these lessons from rappers. But all of a sudden, you can very easily see how what started out is like more, more, more, fun, fun, fun, becomes hideous, tedious, painful, nauseating, just gross. And that's exactly, I mean, not necessarily exactly. But that portrays my journey in that industry. It was like in the beginning, very, seem very, I'm able to provide a service for these ladies.
Starting point is 01:20:34 They get what they want in a sense. They get the time spent with a man without the hassle. Hey, win, win. But as, like, it got more into it and, like, the time more times I spent with Diddy and Cassie, it's like it devolved into, you could just feel, in a sense, the spirit dark in and the mood. And it was a lot more orchestrated rather than flow.
Starting point is 01:20:53 You know, it was much more dictated than in the early days. you know. So the early performances were more improvised, you're saying. It seemed I mean, I don't know how long they'd been I know they'd been seeing other guys prior to me, but it seemed a lot more fluid, you know, early on. It seemed, uh, cordial
Starting point is 01:21:10 the spirit was softer, it seemed. But, you know, I don't know if that was me coming in with clear eyes in the sense. Obviously we've been talking about the male escort world. Is it, is it different for female escorts? Is the experience different? The, the, the approach, the business. Do you even know? Would you even know that, since obviously you've only
Starting point is 01:21:30 been on one side of it? The truth is, yeah, I'm fairly clueless. I didn't interact with too many female. They didn't work at your company. Yeah, we didn't work. Even our guys, I didn't see any of the other guys on the team. We didn't hang out much. It just was a straightforward business operation, in a sense. He tells us time and place, and we show up. Yeah, it's, I would like to try to understand it from a woman's perspective, but I haven't had a sit down and chat, but I would like to try to understand it. And my assumption would be, you know, especially in that scene in L.A. Seeing like how, one thing I didn't realize attention was such a drug, you know, and so that was one thing too with this. I didn't necessarily get that high from attention, but of course it does feel good
Starting point is 01:22:16 to be wanted or appreciated by a woman and such. But I'm, you know, I do believe the attention along with the money has a large factor to play for a woman. Now, all of these experiences you've been describing with Diddy were at, it seems like it was more private. It was just you at their house or the hotel or something. Were you ever at the infamous freak-offs? No, I never attended any of the freak-offs. I'm very grateful because I'm the type two. If there's a party, I like to party, but I'm also very respectful of my own sexual ways. So, I mean, I'm glad I didn't. As who knows what would have happened at a ditty party. But I never was. Only me, him and her, no bodyguards, none of that.
Starting point is 01:23:06 Huh? Oh, wow. No. It was just us. Did you have, because I know at the parties, he hired female prostitutes, too, or at least that was alleged. But there were no female prostitutes involved in your experience. Yeah. Well, that's like, I couldn't understand it. I didn't understand how, you know, but the guy said I was much different than their circle. I could see that. Yeah. I could definitely see that. But wow, so you actually had a closer, more intimate look at their dynamic and his perversity than really just about anybody. I can't confirm, but I... The guys at the freakoffs, though, there's like a thousand of them.
Starting point is 01:23:51 For you, it's just you, him, and her. Yeah, yeah, every time, yeah. Outside of Did you... Was it always just these intimate little escort dates, just one woman? Or were you invited to other Hollywood parties? How different was the Diddy experience in the Diddy Empire from your run-of-the-mill clients? This episode is brought to you by Palm Olive.
Starting point is 01:24:16 Family Time isn't just the... big moments. It's weeknight dinners. Sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use palm olive ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9% of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. I would say just as far as like production goes. So it was like there, so the other dates, you know, I'd go out, we'd go see the town, have fun,
Starting point is 01:24:54 and then it would end up, you know, at an intimate setting. There, it just was always, it was always a production. Every single time was for that scene, that point in time. I was there to do my duty. There was one time I got called at night and then called back again at 6 a.m. So I don't know, I didn't know what was going on, but I don't know if they had a party in between or what.
Starting point is 01:25:18 But I was just... Maybe they slept. Possibly? You got arrested up and then... Yeah. And you would just take the call. Yeah. Tax their call.
Starting point is 01:25:27 You know, fee tax. Is you available this hour this time? A-listers show up and the payment. You know, I'd go to the bank, send him his payment, and cycle repeats. When you say the scene, what... With Diddy and Cassie, it sounds like... And then you say they were dictatorial and you do this. Was it a performance like, you know, okay, you're the pizza boy now or something?
Starting point is 01:25:54 Or was it a, how directed, how scripted was? Well, I was going to try to propose that to Diddy one day. That we, because I'm like a, I'm not a white angel, but I'm white and I'm a lot softer than him. So I was going to try to propose a setting where her and I are having dinner. And, you know, we get little flirty and he gets to do his thing and watch. And then he comes in as the demon. control the situation, but we never, I never was able to bring that up or anything, because it was all his direction.
Starting point is 01:26:27 If every scene was completely controlled and set up by him. So if we tried to introduce anything, it just whatever he wanted. More baby oil, you know, candle here of like hundreds, or not hundreds, like 50, 60 candles set up. When you say you use this term angel and demon, you mean like in the scene that you had written for yourself you would literally play an angel i'm the nice guy i'm like the soft guy having a fun or he's the bad guy and he's the bad guy yeah coming in and owning the situation and then because that was the scene i'd playing out in my head you know i'm i'm
Starting point is 01:27:03 there taking direction but i'm you know i'm not him i'm not the one say i want this i want this so that was kind of the i was trying to elaborate with them and just grow our situations there was a time i proposed to her, hey, if you want me to come over, just send me a word, like work or tie or fly, and I'll bring an outfit or something in correlation. We'll have fun. Well, that never really went anywhere. They just called me, all right, here this time. Yeah, I take it, you spoke to Diddy once since when he called you when you were in Hawaii. Have you talked to her at all? No, no. This is a question from ignorance of pop culture. Are they still dating? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:27:47 I think they're probably broken up, right? I hope so. Yeah, a long time gone, yeah. She's got a husband now and some kids. Oh. Yeah. And I do believe it was one of her personal trainers that became her husband. And he was at, I saw a clip where he was at one of the cases and he got walked out or something.
Starting point is 01:28:05 I forget why. And that's, you know, I wish the absolute best for him, you know. To be able to move on and from what she experienced. and to have a family, it's a beautiful thing. So what about, because you've got this very nice sort of resilient spirit where you're kind of looking on the bright side and saying that was a mistake. I do a lot, yeah. I tend to look at the bright side of things, yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:26 But you don't want to paper over bad things. You don't want to learn from your mistakes and go on to have that be sanctifying and productive. So is there, if you look back, there's a threat of your people please here or not. Is there anything that led you to become a jigolo? that you have corrected so that you get to go in a better direction moving forward? Yeah, you know, like I'll gauge challenges and opportunities now instead of just jumping head in. I'll have to do a, you know, how does this, how does this sit spiritually?
Starting point is 01:29:04 You know, you could look at the, I could simply look at the Ten Commandments and help me simplify my game plan. You're going to church, I take it. or no. Develop Christian, but that's a long story behind that one. I've been out of my church for some time now, but I will always love and serve God. But you don't want to go to church? Long story, there.
Starting point is 01:29:28 Long story with my home church and the things. I'm about a new church. I can highly recommend the Catholic Church. It's very great. Latin Mass is beautiful. Yeah? Yeah, I could even make your recommendation in Hawaii. They're not on the big island of Hawaii. but I'm sure I could find one.
Starting point is 01:29:42 I'm sure I could... Because I'm not just saying this to... I'll take advice, absolutely. I'm not just... Because what I fear from your story is you tell me, I made these mistakes, but hey, I learned from it, and it was better, and I thought it was good at the time,
Starting point is 01:29:54 which is an admission that sometimes our judgment gets very clouded. And so you say, but I'm Christian. I felt I was Christian at the time, and I felt I was serving God at the time, but I guess I wasn't. So then you have to ask yourself, well, how do you know if you're serving God now
Starting point is 01:30:05 in the way he wants to? And there are certain things you can do that God tells you. us to do that Christians have done for 2,000 years and that the ancient Israelites did before that, which are, you know, he tells you to go to church, tells you to keep holy the Sabbath day. He tells you to, he gives you 10 commandments. He gives you a church before he even gives you a Bible, he gives you a church, which creates the canon of the Bible, and the church can guide you. And basically, you don't have to do it all on your own. You can have some help here.
Starting point is 01:30:34 You know, there are all these wonderful resources. That's when I struggle. I struggle to ask for help, man. That's one thing is my spirit. I hate to. Yeah. That's one of my things. I struggle to ask for help. But isn't that the very same kind of disordered desire for independence that maybe you saw even in your clients in your old life? The desire to do it all on your own.
Starting point is 01:30:59 Make your own world all your own. Just have it be all about all you. Yeah. Even if you want to do good stuff. Yes. Yeah. That's a hill I'm trying to climb and over. overcome. That's one of my, you know, piece of my puzzle I'm looking to figure out. I know I never
Starting point is 01:31:18 figure it out, but I know I know I need to do that. And I say it too because though I've, I've never been a jiggleau or invited to, you know, any ditty parties or anything like that. But I can sense in myself sometimes a disordered desire for independence. Look, I work in politics and media. There's a desire to control things, do it your way, get your will done. Sometimes I have to correct that. So, oh, maybe that's not. See, my battle with the church right now is that when, during the COVID times, I wanted, I thought it was, I did not like closing the doors.
Starting point is 01:31:57 I wanted to move in faith. I wanted to be a shining light for those. When fear hits you, we can lean on our faith. Oh, yeah. And how I, like, I was hoping, if it was just my pastor, I wanted to be up there with him. If everyone was afraid to come in, let's open the doors for all who are willing. And how I saw it is like, if it's part of our plan to die, God's in control of that.
Starting point is 01:32:18 We're not in control of that. And then so see to like from what I had seen in my experience with the media, the doctor, the dean of medicine. I saw that these narratives are used to control us. Yeah. Like, you know, like, did a little digging on, oh, why do we have such a, why do we have such a, in the early days, COVID going into, why was there such a scare for toilet paper? Oh, because the media saw that they can sensationalize a story when there was an 18-wheeler, I think it was in Milwaukee or something, that had overturned. So there was pictures of toilet paper all out on the road. So they sensationalize
Starting point is 01:32:54 that, take it nationwide to get everyone to be under this control of this fear. Yeah, there was a real promotion of Survealfe here. And you're right, there were a bunch of churches and religious communities that closed. You know, we luckily, I was able to keep going to church. Though there were Protestant, Catholic, a lot of churches kind of, but even there was a pretty liberal Catholic church in Hollywood that they ended up doing mass outside and you couldn't go inside. They kept the doors open, but they, they don't, and there was this probably 90-year-old priest who, kind of a liberal guy for being a Catholic priest, 90-year-old guy. And this guy was hearing confessions through an open door in the back. He wouldn't stop hearing confessions, even though he was the most vulnerable, actually, of being an older guy. And he wouldn't, I thought, that's exactly the right attitude. That's exactly, you have to, you don't want the servile fear that, of this whole world that you're just, this feted, corrupt world that you're describing.
Starting point is 01:33:53 But you do want the holy fear of God. Yes. Where it's not just about, it's not just about you. And that's where I, I want to have my own personal battles. I respect and love my pastor that he didn't want, he. close the church because he didn't want anyone to get hurt. He was worried of his people around and were getting sick and such. But I don't like that. And he shouldn't, he shouldn't, he shouldn't close the church. I don't like that. You can say he had the best of intentions, but he did wrong.
Starting point is 01:34:22 And yeah. And that just, that just, you know, that's no reason not to go to church. Go find a better church. You're 100% right. I can give you some recommendations maybe in Hawaii. But that's, that's really wonderful. I mean, it's a, it's a virtue, you know, that you look on the bright side of things. And if you can, if you can pair that with reality, not just a delusional kind of bright side, but if you can pair the seeing the good in things while seeing things really as they are, that's a wonderful way forward. That's where this, this journey, you know, in my Christian walk, you know, I struggle to read the Bible because I have ADHD. My attention doesn't last very long. I read about two, three pages, and I'm almost sleepy. But I would read scriptures, you know,
Starting point is 01:35:04 of how, like, in a sense, the doctor, I saw him in a position of respect and adoration, where what he says should be true, but when you see what he's really doing, he's a disgusting liar. Yeah, there can be a lot of disillusionment because even with pastors and priests, they can be totally... Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry.
Starting point is 01:35:24 Where I was going to is, as I got deep into the word, I would read about the false Pharisees and the false, those in the church that may use their position and such in order to deceive, just as, you know, Like, I take this example, too. My worldly vision of Satan, his big, orange, ugly, demon, ah, scary guy. Horns. Orange, horn.
Starting point is 01:35:44 No, Satan is the most beautiful angel. Our eyes can see. He is the most gracious sounding. He's, you know, very tempting. And that is the tool right there is the deception, you know. Yeah, that's true. You know, there was an ancient heresy called, is that dosatism? I think it was dosatism, which said that the,
Starting point is 01:36:04 efficacy of the church's sacraments depended on the sanctity of the priest. So if the priest were a bad guy, you know, if you got baptized by a bad guy, well, maybe your baptism isn't valid. And happily, that was rejected as heresy because God is bigger than the men who run the church. So you could, you could be baptized by some total degenerate who's, I don't know, who's maybe hiring guys like you used to be. And, but God's sacraments still work. And God, and that's where I struggle is I know that God knows the true intentions of the heart and such. I don't. And so in those situations where I may assume, because there are times where people at our church, we're telling us to wear masks and do these things. And I saw that as, that's the mark of the beast.
Starting point is 01:36:51 Yeah, yeah. We just don't, like, you don't see it. Like, how can you not see it? It's not, like, you're not, you're not getting 666 on your forehead, but you are succumbing to the fears of nonsense. If you're doing something that's, that's totally irrational, that's not actually helping public. health as just a fear symbol, then yeah, you're probably right about that. I also want to correct myself. I don't think it's the dosatists. I think it's the Donatists. But either way, it's an old heresy and it isn't true, and we got rid of it. That's good to, it's good to recognize, it even in the depths of your sin, you were recognizing God is still there. But of course, then you've got to do something about it as you're doing. Instead of just, just talk about it and say, and say,
Starting point is 01:37:34 it, yeah, I got to get to action. And this is why I, this is one of the reasons I haven't attended, I haven't been to my church in so many years is that my, I don't want to go in and turn tables, but I, because you don't have to. You don't need to be in control. Go to a, maybe just go to a different church. Yeah. At least at first. Maybe you can go back to your old church, but it does, you don't need to, you don't need to save the world. You don't need to save the world. That's a key right there. That's a key right there. It's like many times, like, you know, I always want what's best, but like I, I can't. make every situation best. You can cooperate with God's grace. So then on this point, maybe this is a good point to end on, you've come out of this very degenerate lifestyle and you're moving in the
Starting point is 01:38:18 right direction. And so you haven't talked to Diddy in a while. You haven't talked to Cassie and even longer. Do you have any advice? They might watch this interview. Do you have any advice for them? The only two words for Diddy is find Jesus. There's no other, in my opinion, There's nothing else in this world that can satisfy him. There's no, because he will, you know, on that path, like, it's, it's no end to his path. But they find Jesus. And to Cassie, I hope to shake her hand again one day and thank her for, you know, her professionalism through our time together.
Starting point is 01:38:55 And she's a, I look up to her. I admire her, you know, even though, even through all that, like, it's, yeah, I got lots of respect for her. I wish the absolute best that she's going to be in my prayers, you know. I don't love her like a lover, but I love her as a fellow child of God, you know. And you're wishing the best for a diddy, too. Oh, clearly. I want him to have true justice. I mean, I want him to have pure justice.
Starting point is 01:39:20 I want him to have justice for his actions. But I want, I mean, that's the thing, too. Like, I do want a party with every soul up there in heaven, you know. The real white party. Exactly. The good kind of one that. And, you know, like, I don't want to proclaim that Diddy's gone. That's a demon that has no, there's no reconciliation, but God's greater than my thoughts.
Starting point is 01:39:44 You know, God's greater than what I see possible. And if some degenerate like that can bow before Christ, he can lead many. So I'll have faith instead of, you know, instead of just counting it off. But absolutely, I mean, I want him to have the purest form of justice times 10. I'm an eye for an eye kind of guy. You do something to other. You deserve that upon yourself, plus much worse. But in the course of justice, none of us should see salvation.
Starting point is 01:40:07 So you're hoping for his salvation too. Yeah, and that's like with salvation. God's the true order of justice, so. Sean, thank you very much. It's been a pleasure, Michael. Thank you. The right window treatments change everything. Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels. At blinds.com, we've spent 30 years making it surprisingly simple to get exactly what your home needs.
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