The Mind Over Finger Podcast - 197 How to Create Anything You Want

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

In this transformative episode, I share powerful strategies that will revolutionize your planning and goal pursuit:   Discover what's been missing in your planning. Learn the key elements that will change everything for you. Understand what works and what doesn't in achieving your goals. Find out how to create real, lasting motivation.   Get access the entire workshop - including detailed worksheets, Q&A session insights, presentation slides, and a powerful visualization exercise HERE.   Book your FREE Music Mastery Experience strategy call with Renée HERE Download the transcript from this episode HERE       Mind Over Finger Click www.mindoverfinger.com/coaching to book your free consultation with me. Visit MindOverFinger.com for my online courses as well as free resources on peak performance. Grab my free workshops and PDF downloads by going to www.mindoverfinger.com/resources. Connect: https://www.youtube.com/@MindOverFinger https://www.facebook.com/mindoverfinger/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/mindoverfinger https://www.instagram.com/mindoverfinger/     THANK YOU: Most sincere thank you to composer Jim Stephenson who graciously provided the show's musical theme:  Concerto #1 for Trumpet and Chamber Orchestra – Movement 2: Allegro con Brio, performed by Jeffrey Work, trumpet, and the Lake Forest Symphony, conducted by Jim Stephenson.

You're listening to the Mind Over Finger Podcast, episode number 197. Welcome to the Mind Over Finger Podcast, where we dive into the world of mindful music making, peak performance, and crafting a purpose-driven life and career. I'm your host, violinist, certified performance and life coach for musicians, and your guide unlocking your full potential, Dr. René-Paul Gaultier. Hi there. I hope this is a great day for you. Today's episode is very special to me. I'm really excited to share with you my latest workshop, Mastering the Stage, which truly is a recipe for you to create anything you want. I got such great feedback from the participants after the workshop via texts and emails and DMs

And I thought I really should share it with you here on the podcast as well, because I really believe this workshop will be a game changer for you. I hope you take my word for it. I promise you results if you follow my recipe. In this episode, I'm going to share the concepts we covered in day one of the workshop. So today we set the foundation for your next big project. I'm showing you what has been missing in the way you plan. Those are the key ingredients that are going to create different results for you.

In next week's episode, I'm going to share day two of the workshop where we create the blueprint that's going to lead you to success in any project. Now, I created worksheets for you for this workshop, and you can grab them right now at tinyurl.com slash mtsworkshop. In this way, you don't just get access to the worksheets. You get instant access to the entire workshop for free, and you don't have to wait till next week for the rest of the content. You get access to bonus content that I won't share here on the podcast, the worksheets, the slide decks, the Q&A portion of the workshop, which is full of insights and a powerful exercise that will transform your stage experience, I promise. So head to tinyurl.com mtsworkshop right now to grab this content. And of course, I have that link in the

show notes for you. Also, don't forget that the doors to my exclusive group coaching program, the Music Mastery Experience, are now open for enrollment. Go to mindoverfinger.com right now for all the details and book your free strategy call with me today. If you want a clear and foolproof system to get to the next level in your life, your career, in your musical journey, MME is the way. If you want to win an audition, perform optimally time after time, you want to make more money, experience confidence, or maybe you just want to unlock the secrets to have fun practicing and enjoy performing and you're not sure how to go about it. Or maybe you've tried everything, but you're still feeling stuck. Well, I have the system for you. Get ready for something

different that's going to give you the clarity you've been searching for. Inside MME, you get specialized trainings, effective systems and methods, tailored coaching, and a beautiful, supportive community. You're going to be able to elevate your playing, conquer performance anxiety, achieve a new level of artistic freedom and confidence and you're going to reach your goals again all the details are at mindoverfinger.com and make sure to book your free strategy call right now to take advantage of the great bonuses i have for you before they expire on april 30th on the call we're going to sit together we're going to take a look at what is happening in your life right now, what your goals are, and we're going to create a plan to turn this vision

into your reality. I can't wait to speak with you. All right, now let's go to Mastering the Stage Part 1. Grab your worksheets and I know you're going to be able to create amazing things for yourself with the help of this workshop. Let's go to the show. it's great to see so many of you here and i have a fantastic i think training for you guys today and i will go through the content and then at the end of the session i will answer all of the questions i'm going to keep time at the end for a q a session and today's session is going to be more intense. There's going to be more content today and it's possible I'll go over time. I'm not sure. We're going to see what happens. And if you've had a chance, I hope that you were able to

grab your worksheet. I gave the link inside of the email that you received or the couple emails that you received this morning. And what I recommend is that as we're going through the content, I recommend that you write down anything that pops in your mind, anything that comes instinctively to you. This insight is going to be very powerful because what comes first is coming from your intuition. It's coming from perhaps the subconscious mind. So whatever comes first, put it down. And then I will recommend that you reflect a little bit more on these questions today. So write them down, then go back and reflect a little bit later. So let's get started. I can tell you right away that this workshop is not going to be what you're expecting. We're going to talk about all of the

things I promised, but not from the angle that you expect, at least I think. And I believe that everyone sitting here right now is extremely dedicated and has had a great depth of knowledge, has a great depth of knowledge you know a lot of stuff and yet some things are still missing perhaps and we keep looking for the magic formula i'm in there with you right we keep looking for this magic formula the perfect system the one hack that will solve all of our issues and there's so much great valuable content out there it's easy to keep looking for the elusive secret but I'm here to tell you that if that existed, someone would have found it already. Someone would be selling that already. And what I recommend today, what I want to offer you

is a different approach, a new perspective, a paradigm shift. And I'm going to invite you to go deep within. Today is not about what I will teach you. It's about what you will find inside of yourself, right? If you've been following me for a while, there's multiple podcast episodes with so much information. Even recently, I had the Build Your Ideal Performance live videos. We talked about planning. We talked about practicing. We talked about conditioning. All of that is a podcast episode right now. I have my online courses. I have coaching programs. And there is so much wonderful information on YouTube, on all of these platforms, on Instagram. But mastering this stage, that's the step before all of that. It's the bedrock of not just

performance preparation, but to accomplish any goal that you want to pursue, really. So today, that's what we're going to do. We're going to lay the foundation. We're going to dig in. we're going to find the spark that will ignite everything for you we're going to talk about what works and what doesn't work a new approach to performance preparation as i said and then we're going to have a q a at the end tomorrow we're going to create your plan we're going to talk about the mindsets that are going to be powerful in helping you create the type of experience that you want, both on stage and in life, in any project or any endeavor you pursue. I'm going to come, I'm going to talk about what comes next for you, the possibility and disclaimer, I will talk

about the Music Mastery Experience, my online coaching program that is life-changing. So that's coming tomorrow. And we're going to have another Q&A session where we're going to get to discuss any question that you have, any issue, anything that you want to untangle. And tomorrow I'm going to have some surprises for those of you who are attending live. Then Saturday, I'm going to share with you a very powerful exercise that could completely transform how you feel on stage. And then we're going to come face-to-face live inside the Zoom room for coaching. We're going a coach face-to-face tomorrow. Before we dive into all of these topics, for those of you who might not be familiar with me, let me tell you just a little bit more about myself so you can

understand where I come from as a musician, a performer, and a coach. So who I am, I'm a wife, I'm a mother, I'm a friend, I'm a violinist, I'm a coach, I'm a podcast host, I'm a writer, clinician, teacher, all of these things. Professionally, I perform with world-class ensembles, lyric opera here in Chicago, the Chicago Symphony. I have won multiple auditions and multiple competitions. I've performed extensively as a soloist and chamber musician. I ran organization chamber music festivals. I've taught for many years for all levels from beginners to professionals. I host the Mind Over Finger podcast and my coaching clients have won auditions. They've gotten tenured. They've reached dream goals and they've done things that

they never thought would be possible. And this is the most exciting part. Everything that I teach all the time, the way that I coach, everything I teach inside of my programs, everything I share on the podcast is from my experience. It's from performing optimally, consistently, from winning competitions, from winning auditions, from enjoying the process. And I have lived it. I've researched it. I've experienced the results and so have my clients. And I am here to tell you that it's easy for us to think it's only for other people, but it's not. So if we can do it, if me and my clients can do it, you can also. And that whatever your vision is, it's possible and we will make it happen. And hopefully today is a really great starting point for you to try something new,

something different. How to make the most out of this workshop? I strongly recommend watching it, listening to it a couple times, maybe even three times. Take the time to reflect on the exercises inside of the worksheets and revisit them, I highly recommend giving yourself this gift of time to go through this content. Then I recommend, of course, doing the work. Knowledge without doing the work leads nowhere. So implement, experiment, try, be curious, be bold. And as you go through this process, if you have any questions, if you have any hesitations or struggle, don't hesitate to reach out. You can reach out in my Facebook group. You can reach out by email. You can work with me, of course. But this is what I would recommend to make the most out of this workshop.

Watch it a few times. Do the reflection exercises in the worksheet. Do the work and reach out when you need help or when you need support or if you want to share fantastic wins that you're having, fantastic results that you'd like to share with me. I would love to hear about that. Okay, are you ready? Let's dive in without working, without waiting. We're going to do some work for sure. Let's start with identifying the things that don't work. The old ways of doing things, they work for a reason, but they only take you so far. So when we mindlessly, and mindlessly is the key word here, follow the beaten path. When we mindlessly rely on willpower, when we force a rigid discipline on ourselves when we give away our agency and try to fit the mold

and when we outsource all info and all insight right so a career in music it's been done before so when we mindlessly follow what others before us have done it might lead us to a route that is not authentic to us. When we rely on willpower, we get exhausted, right? I mean, tell me. Raise your hand if you've been there, because I know that this is me. I have experienced all of these things, always. So what doesn't work? Following the beaten path, right? So we need to play with these things a little bit. We can learn a lot from what has been done by others before us. but we cannot stop there because if that's all that we do, it's a serious overload on our system. It's a huge tax on the nervous system. So when we follow the beaten path and do what's been done

before and follow other people's advice without questioning, without being curious, without experimenting, that can create burnout. We get exhausted and worn out. It can create stagnation for us. We feel stuck. It keeps us stuck. And it's hard to think creatively that way. And also, you can become reliant on external sources for your growth. You feel incapacitated to move forward without someone's input. It can create a loss of authenticity, as I said earlier. So you're disconnected from your true self, and that can create a lot of uncertainty and confusion for you. another thing that it does is that it reduces resilience you're not developing your internal strength in your coping mechanisms and it can make it difficult for you to bounce back from

adversity it also create a lot of adaptability you might feel stuck in just one way of doing things and that's going to make it hard for you to deal with change so you can see if I go back here for a second, that moving forward, following what's been done before, taking in outside input without filtering it through your own mind, forcing rigid discipline without having a purpose. We're going to talk about that in a second. Trying desperately to fit the mold without trying to carve your own space on in your own terms and outsourcing all of the information and outsourcing all of the insight it's easy to see how that could create all of this for you this burnout this stagnation the loss of authenticity reduced resilience lack of adaptability

I have definitely experienced this before so I don't know if this is something that you can relate with. But keep it in mind. So yes, we want to learn from the past. We want to learn from what other people have dealt with, their experience, their knowledge, their insights. And we want to be aware of making sure that we put that through this filter of our own authenticity. So what is the solution to that, I want you to consider a new way of thinking today. The solution is simple. It's going to require work on your part for sure. It's not necessarily easy. It's simple, not easy like everything else in life. And it's not an on and off switch. You're going to try, you're going to fail, you're going to try, you're going to fail, you're going to try,

you're going to fail, you're going to try, you're going to fail, but you're going to keep rising authentically. So it's simple. It's not necessarily easy and you have to do the work and it's within you. That's the most important part is that solution is within you, not outside. Yes, we read books. We speak with people. We get lessons. We watch YouTube videos for sure. but the real answers are not there this is just information that you gather and then you again I'm going to say this again this is important you put it through the filter of your authentic self and through the filter of the experience that you are trying to create for yourself let's talk about what works and what works and this is the new approach is to start from within let's talk about

self-compassion when you're kind to yourself you recognize your limits but you lovingly grow you love yourself through growth you love yourself through learning you love yourself through creating new things in your life. Let's talk about flexibility. Flexibility is being open to different ways of doing things and adapting to change as it comes. Let's talk about curiosity and reflection. So these are all qualities that you want to bring in your life. Self-compassion, flexibility, curiosity, and reflection. Well, this is taking the time to think for yourself and reflect on principles, reflect on all of the things that you receive from the outside world and make it your own. Authenticity. So this is being true to yourself and living in a way that

feels genuine and aligned with your values. I talk a lot about alignment over effort. Well, alignment requires self-compassion, flexibility, curiosity, and reflection, and a willingness to live authentically let's talk about resilience building right we develop this inner strength that is in all of us but we don't always allow it to come out and we want to develop these coping skills to bounce back from challenges and setbacks but most importantly what works is being rooted in self and what I mean by that it means to to know who you are what you value and what you need to thrive it involves being connected with your feelings with your thoughts and your desires and when you're rooted in yourself

you make decisions based on what feels right for you rather than simply following the external expectations or pressures. Does that resonate? These external expectations. So this interconnection is going to give you a solid foundation for navigating the ups and downs of performance preparation, of anything you're going to create in your life. That's going to give you the confidence and the authenticity. And self-confidence comes from giving yourself space to be authentic and giving yourself space to try things with self-compassion, with flexibility, with curiosity and reflection, with authenticity, and giving yourself the opportunity to build your resilience by moving forward and knowing that you have the ability to handle everything that comes your way.

That's how self-confidence is created in you. So being rooted in self is what works. The approach that we're going to follow over the next few days will be to adopt and follow a plan that's going to focus on intentionally being and starting from within. And that is what I would called the deepest level of mind over finger. This is what will actually give you faster results. Everything is rooted in being. A significant and long-lasting transformation must come from deeply within. There cannot be significant transformation or long-lasting transformation with methods and hacks and strategies and tips alone. We need methods. We need strategies. We need hacks. We need tips. We need help. All of these things. We need them. It's not sufficient.

If it were, we would all be exactly where we want to be right now because all of the information is out there for us to grasp. It's from within. It comes from deeply within. In the last few podcast episodes, in the training that I gave about planning and practicing and conditioning for performance. Those are the strategies. Those are the methods. After today, you're going to be able to implement all of these things completely differently because we are putting in a firm foundation today rooted in being, rooted in you. Does that make sense? You following me so far? Awesome. So over the next three days, you're going to decide who you want to be and I'm going to show you how to operate from that place of being. Let's work. Are you ready? This is when I want

you guys to take out your worksheets. And as I'm talking, as I'm speaking to you, I want you to start writing down, jotting down any thoughts, anything that comes to you intuitively, spontaneously, any voice that you hear from within, write those things down. And I will encourage you, I'm going to say this again, to reflect more deeply on it later today. So find your who. What does that mean? Well, starting with being, tell me, who are you? Who are you a year from now? What qualities do you see yourself embodying? And I'm talking about a year from now, and I'll explain why in a second. But think about it a year from now. where do you want to be where do you see yourself what have you done but mostly no no no not what

you've done not what you've done who are you what qualities do you see yourself embodying I see myself as even more confident at peace I see myself as someone who is inspired positive see where I'm going with this so I want to know who you are who are you a year from now and what qualities do you see yourself embodying? The second step in finding who you are is what do you do as this person? How do you think? How do you act? How do you present yourself? How do you interact? How do you practice? How do you perform? So as this person who's confident, who's at peace, who's passionate, who's interested, what do you do? What are you thinking? How do you present yourself? How do you practice? How do you perform? And I don't want to suggest too much here, but

I'll give you some examples. So as someone who's aiming to feel even more self-confident and self-loving and self-accepting and authentic and genuine, I practice differently than someone who is trying to please people, who's afraid. I practice differently than someone who is frustrated by life circumstances. As someone who is confident and has hope and is positive, I practice differently. I'm more curious. I'm more tempted to solve problems efficiently. I'm more patient. My work is different. And then I show up on stage open, more free, more prepared, probably because my practice was better. It changes everything because I am different in the practice room. Not because I have found another scale book. Not because I have decided

to shift my pinky technique. It's because I am different. A quote says, if you want something you've never had you have to do something you've never done yes absolutely assuming that we begin to behave act choose in the perfect way to obtain the desired result how can we understand if the way of managing the path but choosing is wrong oh that is a huge question it is important and i love it and i would love to discuss this on sunday this is very important very important um i'm going to continue with the content right now, but please, please copy and paste this. Please come Sunday and please bring this question again. I'm actually going to make a screenshot here because I want to remember this question. This is important. Thank you for asking. Let's keep going.

Is this another one? No. Okay. So who are you now? Who are you having? Let's talk about having. And you see how I did this here. We started with being. I asked you who you were first. I didn't ask you what you wanted to do, or I didn't ask you what you have done a year from now. I asked you who you were first from this place of knowing who you are. Then we create everything else, not the opposite. So now that you know the qualities that you see yourself self-embodying. And of course, I'm moving forward with the content because if we stop and took the time to reflect and do this, this would have to be an all-day workshop, an all-day webinar. And we could do this at some point. That would be fun if you want a whole weekend together of

workshopping. I should think about that, actually. That'd be fun. But this is what I do with my clients inside of Music Mastery Experience. But I want you to reflect on this later today because that's really important. So from knowing the qualities that you see yourself embodying, knowing the things that you do as this person, now you think about what you want. So what do you create in your life as this person? What sparks your motivation and passion? So as someone who is more confident and more self-loving and more patient and more passionate, it? And what do I want to create in my life? What sparks my motivation and my passion? What is my spark? What is my inspiration? And if you don't know what sparks your motivation and your passion,

you could look around. And the things that you see that sometimes you envy or the things that you see that maybe you're jealous of, right? We have a tendency to judge ourself when we feel envy or jealousy towards someone. Those are clues of things you want in your life. And maybe you're allowed to want them. So what is it that you see out there that you wish you would create in your life? Is it performing a specific piece? Is it winning an audition? Is it winning a competition? Is it performing in a specific hall? Is it applying for a teaching position? Is it to create your own studio? What do you see out there that when you see it, you go, oh, I want this. What is it? So what do you create in your life as this person? What sparks your motivation and passion? I want

you to write down anything that comes to mind in the worksheet and allow anything that comes out to be put in paper. Allow it. Give yourself permission. Even if it comes in your brain and you're thinking that is so silly, that is so improbable. Allow it. Allow your brain to want what it wants. Allow yourself to dream a little bit. Okay, so knowing your why is really important. it's crucial. And it's related to that spark I was talking about. Because what gets you really excited? The things that make you perk up, the spark that has you excited, that is going to fuel your motivation. And when you don't have the spark, the spark is often your why. That's often why we give up. We no longer have the excitement to pursue the goal. The spark is a huge motivator

And it's usually related to the why. And this is the thing that we're going to do next is find your why. Knowing your why is crucial. It's going to help you find self-alignment. It's going to fuel your motivation. It's going to help guide your decisions. It's going to increase your resilience, fosters clarity and focus, and it enhances satisfaction and fulfillment.

So you have to find that spark. You decide what you want. And your why is your most powerful alignment with your inner self. It's what gives you a strong reason to keep going, even when things get tough. It's what helps you stay focused on what's important. And it's what, you know, helps you avoid getting distracted. It's going to help you make choices that fit what you really want. When you know your why, you're stronger and you're better at bouncing back from problems

or doubts. It's what keeps you on track, not willpower. Willpower is extremely powerful. The word says it, power, but it's a quick burn. It only lasts so long. Your why is the slow burn. It's what fuels the fire you have inside. That amber that keeps burning, that's your why. it's the passion it's it pulls you forward i have no better way to say it is your why pulls you forward willpower might drag you for a while it might push you for a while but only so far and your why is what pulls you forward so these these traditional productivity systems that we have they're great they're helpful but they often miss a key point and it's the emotion our emotions

drive our actions and they can push us forward or hold us back. And research shows that when emotions clash with thoughts, emotions usually win. We've all been there, right? I mean, come on. We know what we should do. It's on the schedule. We really need to stay on track, but we just don't do it, right? It's because we're experiencing a strong emotion in that moment. And that's what makes us not follow a schedule, not show up. And this is a big area in coaching. So knowing what to do is good, but it's not enough. We need the emotional strength to do it.

We all know that we should warm up properly. We should practice our technique. We should record ourselves every day. Do you record yourself every day, even though you know how good it is? But that's also related to getting data, which we're going to talk about tomorrow. We all know we should record ourselves every day. We all know that we should plan more performances. We all know that we should practice more mindfully, but we don't do it always.

Why? Well, it's because maybe we don't feel like it or we have a strong negative emotion in the moment. We feel a lot of insecurity or fear. So when thoughts and emotions clash, emotions usually come on top unless we are connected to our why and the why is strong enough. So also trying to shove down these emotions and just practice through anger is also not beneficial. That is not what I'm suggesting here. I'm suggesting a level of understanding that allows you to show up for the things you should show up to or want to show up to rather in the way that is in alignment with yourself. forcing rigidity is not beneficial long-term so instead of fighting against your feeling

it's time to use them for something that is positive and sure thinking and planning are important but what gets you moving is that emotional content so to truly motivate yourself you've got to not only think about your goals but feel a really deep connection a deep emotional connection to your goals. And if you've listened to episode 153 and 155, which I recommended you do before coming to this training, you know that the emotions are created by your thoughts. So making the time to connect to your why, to align what you're thinking, to know who you are and why you want what you want, and reflect on the intentional thoughts you're choosing to think about yourself, about your work, about your purpose, about your mission. This will generate

the feelings that will fuel your actions and that will create the results that you want. And any of you who've ever planned out or did a reverse engineering for a performance preparation plan and made a practice plan and bought a new technique book or bought a new equipment or new recording device, but you still struggle to follow through, you know exactly what I'm talking about. So honestly, that's most of us, right? At all, anytime. So now that I said that, now that I said all of this, I'm very passionate about it. I think you can tell. What next? Let's find the why. Again, I want you to look at your worksheet and you know what I'm going to say? anything that comes up, let it out, put it in paper. We're going to start by allowing ourselves

to contemplate what it is that we want. Really allow yourself to want what you want. You have the right to want what you want. Nobody can tell you you can't want something, or it's not possible, it's not probable. Allow yourself to want what you want. Figure out the rest later, okay? And when we understand what it is that we want, we have to reflect and understand why we want it. So on your worksheets, I'm asking you, why do you want and why do you want what you want? Why do you want to perform? Why do you want to play for an audition? Why do you want to learn a specific piece?

Know these reasons. I mean, oftentimes, I'm going to use the audition example because it's a very vivid one. We want to take an audition because we want the position in a specific orchestra. We might want the status that it brings. We might want to work with the specific people in this orchestra. We might want the benefits, the paycheck, the stability, the lifestyle that this will provide. we might want the peace of mind we're going to get from winning this audition we might want the feeling of fulfillment that we're going to get from taking this audition

know all of this this is part of your being and I'm going to say it again but when you understand what you want you're deeply connected to this spark this is the beginning of alignment so So what do you want and why do you want what you want on your worksheet? Find your why. What does your why mean to you? So again, let out anything that comes up. You work on it later. But what does your why mean to you?

I mentioned some of these things before. Maybe it means stability. Maybe it means peace of mind. Maybe it means showing to yourself what you're capable of. maybe it means accomplishing something you never thought was possible maybe it means being an example for your children a lot of what I do is motivated by wanting to find out can I do this and can I show my children that it's possible right so what does your why mean to you third question how does pursuing your why makes you feel and that's important to know because along the way

there's going to be a lot of negative feelings. But remembering how this pursuing your why make you feel and how accomplishing it would make you feel will fuel your motivation throughout the process as you're battling stumbling blocks. When you're thinking about accomplishing the goal, how do you feel? Even if you don't accomplish it, how do you feel when you are pursuing something, when you show up? How do you feel when you're growing, when you're learning, when you're showing to yourself that you can do hard things? That is exhilarating, right? So we pursue things not only for accomplishing them for the end result, but it's for who we become as we pursue this goal. It's for the self-confidence that comes from showing up day after day. It's from

the growth. It's from stepping outside of our comfort zone and seeing all of the things that we can do that we never thought we could do. So how does pursuing your why make you feel? And you want to remember that because every single day, many times along the way, you're going to have negative feelings. You're going to be assaulted by negative feelings all the time. And then you can receive these negative feelings with patience, with love, with understanding and be like, yes, that's part of the journey. That's normal. It's part of the human experience to have these negative feelings. And I'm pursuing this because. Because that's who I am. Because that's what I want. Because it makes me feel this way when I pursue it. Does that make sense? So

now that you're rooted in being and you know your why, let's go after that performance goal. So far, So good? Yeah? Awesome. Let me see. The negative feelings stink. Yes, they do. And they're going to keep on coming and they're going to keep on coming and they're going to keep on coming for sure. Okay. Pursuing a goal. Let's talk about this. I don't know if you guys ever heard this before, but I remember when I first heard this and that was a game changer for me because people talk about pursuing goal, but they never talk about how much it's going to cost to pursue it. And I'm not just talking about money. I'm talking about the emotional, intellectual energy cost, all of it. Pursuing a goal, four steps. Simple, not easy. I said it, right? Simple, not easy,

but four steps. Decide what you want. Rooted in being. We've just did all that work. You know your why, you know who you are, and you're going to keep deepening that at home later today. Decide what you want. Is it learning a specific piece? Is it performing, as I said earlier, in a specific hall? Do you want to win an audition? Do you want to start your private studio? Do you want to pursue a doctorate? Do you want to enter a master's degree? Do you want to get into Curtis or Juilliard? What is it that you want? Work out the second step. Work out the price you will have to pay to have it. That is very important. I'm going to explain a little bit more about this. Then decide if it's worth it to you and then take action. Once again, first step, decide what you want.

Second step, work out the price you will have to pay to have it. Third step, decide if it's worth it. Fourth step, take action. You have to be realistic with the price you will have to pay because that's the beginning of everything. When we start a project, it's easy, right? We're full of hope. Everything feels possible. We feel invincible. We only think about the good things that could happen.

We only see the possibilities. That's what it is. At the beginning, we only see possibilities. We might still have a few obstacles, but we sort of feel like, oh, no big deal. I'll be able to get up at 2 a.m. every day to run seven miles, right? At the beginning, it feels like it's possible.

I'm exaggerating. I would never do that. But then we get started and then things get tough. They get challenging. And that's when these bills, these hypothetical bills start to show up. It's when we're tired. It's when we have a lot of thoughts and emotions. And also maybe we have time constraints and things happen in life.

So challenges start to come in. and then we're tired. We're stressed out. Things are not going well. We don't, they're not going the way we want them to. And usually three things happen. So first thing, some people have the ability to keep going. They have the ability to manage their mind around it and they keep going and they thrive and they succeed, even though it's difficult, even though it's challenging, They thrive within the process, within the mastery, that journey to mastery that I've talked about so much in previous episodes. They thrive within the experience, with its challenges, with its great moment, with its

terrible moments. And after today, I believe that you will too. So this is the work that I do with my clients, my private clients and my clients inside of Music Mastery Experience. We manage our mind around a real life experience, which means you're going after something and you're going to fail a million times on the way there. And when you manage your mind around that, you find the solutions and you find the self compassion and you find the motivation and you keep going.

The second thing is some people, they plow through, but all of their fears, all of the insecurities, all the frustrations, the negative thoughts, they pile up, they accumulate, and then they impact the work negatively. Have you ever been there? You're doing something and it just feels like, ah, it's so hard, but you keep doing it, but it feels terrible. The work is not great and, you know, it just negatively impact the results. So let's say you're preparing for a performance, and the entire process of preparation feels hard and stressful, you might not perform at your best. Or you might still perform well, but the entire experience is going to leave a negative imprint on you. And it's going to shape what comes next also, in maybe a less optimal way. Those

things might at times leave deep trauma. And they are a huge tax on the nervous system when we work this way. And they leave us battered and bruised for the next experience. You see how that works? So we can plow through out of alignment and using willpower, but that leaves us battered and bruised. I'm seeing some questions. Just give me a second. If the price is too high for whatever reason, therefore not worth that degree or sacrifice of the present, there must be a re-evaluation, not just tossing out all of our dreams. Will you speak to that? Yes. In a second. Yeah, totally so that's the uh and i i'm talking about yes this in a minute absolutely thank you for this question the third thing that happens is some people are just going to give up right it's human

nature to want to avoid negative feelings human natures is like humans want to avoid pain seek pleasure and do all of that in the most efficient way this just makes sense that's that's how we're wired to operate. Totally normal. So it makes sense. The nervous system goes into overdrive and then we can't handle it anymore. And I'm not saying that we should always pursue everything. No. Sometimes it's the right thing to give up, especially if that's something that is not in alignment with who we are and what we want. Sometimes putting the project aside is exactly the right thing to do. But that's why it's important to know this ahead of time, to understand your why. to know what it is that you want, the price you're going to have to pay to have it, and then

intentionally make the decision that it is worth it to you to put yourself through those challenges so that you can enjoy the growth, not just the result, but the growth and who you become through this, what you're going to gain from going through this process. And then yes, it's great if you succeed, right? Okay, I'll give you an example of this. And hopefully, that addresses the question that you had. I got this idea in my brain to do a doctorate at a time in my life when I already had a toddler, but I just, this idea grew and grew and it consumed me and it became a really, really strongly burning spark. And I looked at it and it was the circumstances were difficult for that to happen but the passion was there

and I looked at everything and I was like yes financially it's going to be tough I'm actually I'm actually pregnant so if I get into the program that's that's going to be challenging but oh my gosh having the opportunity to do the research that lives in my brain to have the opportunity to impact my students in the way that I think I can with these tools to, and I'm a huge nerd, so just going back to school is very exciting for me. All of this was part of the decision making. Then when I got into the program, I got my doctorate here at Northwestern, where they accept only one person per instrument per year. So if you are the chosen one, you don't want to give it up. And I realized that I was going to give birth to my second child a week

before school started. And my why was so strong. My desire was so strong. I remember having a conversation with my husband and I told him in those words, or maybe I'm paraphrasing, but I said, let's make a list of all of the obstacles. I'm going to find a solution. I'm going to make this happen. Watch me. And we figured it out. Everything. And the price was huge. Financially, it was an imposition. Emotionally, it was very difficult. Imagine having a toddler and a newborn and you're starting a doctorate program. It was a magical scheduling system. I was extremely organized. I scheduled everything. I managed my mind. I managed my heart. I managed my logistics, all of it. I was pushed to all of my limits physically, emotionally. But throughout this,

I always knew I was like this is hard but this is it this is the process this is the way as they say in the Mandalorian this is the way this is that this is the experience I can do this I can do this I want this I'm willing to do this and I want to talk about willingness just now I'm willing to do this and I figured it out because my why was strong enough but then there's other times when when it just doesn't work that way right so let's keep going I will run out of time, I'm telling you. So first, you decide what you want specifically. Second, you decide if you're willing to pay the price to make it happen, and then you pay the price. You get to work, okay? So let's talk about willingness. Let's talk about deciding that you're willing to pay the price.

Making that decision puts you in a state of willingness, and willingness is your ally. I want willingness to become one of your strongest emotion. When you're strongly connected to your long-term goal, you become willing to do what it takes to get there. Willingness is going to be the driving force behind everything that you do. Willingness pulls you forward. And being willing is not the same as forcing yourself through something you don't really want to do. And we're going to talk about that in a minute. Willingness is not forcing. Willingness is not willpower. Please hear me when I say this. Willingness is not willpower. Willingness pulls you forward. Willingness is fueled by a sense of alignment with your purpose. This is what brings you in

the practice room at all hours. This is what keeps you working on the same measure for 15 million times. This is what makes you schedule 20 mocks for your next audition. This is what makes you drive hours to go get a lesson. This is what makes you spend thousands of dollars on coaching to go after whatever it is that you want. It's willingness. Willpower forcing is not the same and the results are different because it's not in alignment with who you are. Willingness is one of the best emotions you can channel when you prepare for a performance or anything when you're willing to have that that is so important and i don't think i can draw on my screen here i wish i could because i would circle willing a million times

when you're willing you have agency over your life and hear me when i say this when you're willing you have agency over your life because it's a decision you're empowered you have made a decision, you know the price and you're willing to face the music. One not intended. Willingness is going to be the driving force behind everything that you do. When you're strongly connected to the long-term goal, you become willing, as it says here, to do what it takes. And one performance, think about it, is only one part of the entire journey. So when you know the deeper purpose, the alignment, one performance has, you have a different perspective on what one performance is. and you're willing to put yourself through it. And when you look at what it's going to take,

how you can make it happen, you sign up for more lessons, you hire a coach, you get the equipment, whatever, you've said it. You create opportunities for yourself willingly. And it's the willingness that keeps you going when things are difficult. And willingness is, I'm going to say this again because it's so important. It's very different than feeling like you have to. It's the opposite. it. It's the feeling that you want to. Can you see how passionate I am about this? So passionate about willingness. Willingness pulls you forward. I want you to think about that. I want this sentence to run through your mind. Willingness pulls you forward. The shoulds or the have to, they drag you, they push you. Willingness means that you step outside of your comfort zone with

a positive outlook. You're empowered. When you feel like you have to or you should do something, It's something that constricts you. You're pushed outside of your comfort zone. You're not pushing yourself. It's very different. And when you are pushed outside of your comfort zone, not saying that you cannot push yourself way outside of your comfort zone. I do it every day.

Doing this workshop is pushing me outside of my comfort zone, right? Talking to people, saying words, facing judgment, right? Not necessarily the most comfortable thing, but there's a deep sense of purpose behind what I do. So when you're being pushed outside of your comfort zone for something that is not in alignment with who you are, that could be detrimental long-term. So understand that this is your decision.

It's not a matter of, will people judge me? It's not a matter of, will I lose? Yeah. It's not a matter of, will they judge me? They will judge you. And do you still want to keep going? It's not a question of, I might lose the audition. Yeah, you might lose the audition, but do you make the choice to keep going?

I might fail. Yes, it's possible. It's likely. But do you make the choice to keep going? And at every step of the way, it's the choice that you make to keep going, to find out what you're made of, to find out who you are. But if your spark is not strong enough, you're not going to keep going. That's why it's important for you to know who you are and what you want.

So in your worksheet, I want you to go look at this willingness statement later and reflect on who you are, what it is that you want. Look at the price to pay and state, do you want to do this? Are you willing to pay the price? And then write a willingness statement. I am willing to feel uncomfortable. I am willing to face fear. I'm willing to face judgment, to show myself what I'm capable of, to experience growth,

to discover new things about myself to accomplish things I thought were never possible I am willing to put myself through what it takes to discover all of this right this is I'm just giving you an example here of what that could look like okay last thing we reflect on before we embark on a deep planning tomorrow we're going to plan tomorrow so today we're laying the foundations of these very important concepts of being and knowing the why, tomorrow we're going to plan more logistics. We're going to find the why not. And I hope that this answers the questions that you asked earlier. And I see some questions here and I'm going to answer them right after this. So find your why not. Why are you not following through? Okay. So these are the reasons why you

give up. First one. I mean, there's more, but I'll give you three today. You want it, but you don't really, you don't really want it. So here's an example. You sign up for a competition because you think you're, you should, or everybody's expecting you to, or your teacher wants you to. I've done that before where I sign up for competitions or sign up for auditions because the type of person that I am, I need a goal, specific goal. And I think like, I really need to practice or stay in shape. So I'll just say yes. And I'll just do this because I need to practice, basically. It's my way to force myself to practice. So that could work, but how will it work? If it's easy, you'll do it. If it's not easy, you'll struggle through it and you might give up.

Now, I want to bring a nuance here. I have in the past signed up and done things because I think I should do them, but I have found a way to connect it to my biggest purpose. Do I want to take this audition or do I want to do I want to do this performance well auditions are different I don't tend to enter auditions that I don't want to say yes to I don't just do auditions for the sake of doing auditions but let's say performances there's some performances that sometimes we don't really want to do for a reason or another but I'm thinking this it's a great opportunity it's great people or great pay or it's easy enough because of the circumstances and it's going to keep me practicing. And I always wanted to learn this piece. So I'll say yes, even though I don't

specifically feel passionate about this project, but I do feel passionate about growing as a musician. I do feel passionate about growing my skill. So I want to play this scary piece in this super stressful context. Yes, because I want to grow as a musician. So it's not that I want to do that specific project sometimes, but I find a way to connect it to my deepest purpose. And this is what's fueling me, not that. Does that make sense? But there's other times when we sign up for things that we think we should want. We want to want it. Second degree of desire, as they say in philosophy, is this a second order of desire? It's been a while since I've done my philosophy classes. I think it's second order of desire. You want the wanted,

it but you don't really so that's one of the reasons why we give up another why not you want it but you don't make a plan we've all been there yeah you sign up for something you sign up for a performance but you don't really plan for it and therefore you find yourself this is more of a logistic problem because you don't plan for it you're just you're not prepared in time it won't work so that's another reason and I think that we've all done it third reason another why not is you underestimated the cost of having it and you're no longer willing to pursue it. And that's okay, right? Sometimes we don't know what something entails until we start tackling it. We don't know what it's going to be until we begin. And we have the right to back out of everything that we want,

right? Backing out because it's out of alignment is not the same as backing out out of fear. And I'm not going to talk about that right now because this is a huge coaching topic. We talk a lot about that inside the music master experience. Backing out of something because it's out of alignment is not the same as backing out out of fear. One is nurturing long term. The other one is detrimental long term. Because when you back out of something that would be great for you, that is actually in alignment with your higher self, but you're afraid, that actually erodes a little bit at your self-confidence. It erodes at your sense of inner strength. So again, that's a big topic, but you underestimated the cost of having it and you're no longer willing

to pursue it. So this is when you want to ask yourself, am I backing out of not wanting to do it? Like, this is not, this is not what I want. I think I want it. People tell me I should want it and it looked easy. But when I look at the cost, I don't want to do that anymore. It is not worth it to me. That is your prerogative. You can back out of any project, right? But if you're backing me out out of fear that's different. Then we need to talk. Then you need to work with me because that's very, very different. So does any of this sound familiar? Any of you guys experience that? Yeah. So I want you to think of all of the possible things that could go wrong in advance to mitigate the risks. And I want you to pinpoint your triggers and find solutions ahead of time.

There's room in your worksheet for that, okay? So are you afraid to give up your comfort? Are you afraid of being too tired? Are you afraid of running out of time? Are you afraid of trying new things? Are you afraid you're not good enough? Are you afraid of looking a certain way? Do you have the resources needed?

Do you have costs associated with it? You know, all of these details. Think of all the possible things that could go wrong. pinpoint the triggers and find solutions ahead of it. And all of this while being connected with who you are and with that spark, with your why. And having, you know, you're going to have issues managing your time. Are there some personal issues you're not facing perhaps? Are there aspects of your health you're not taking care of? Look at everything and make a plan. That's If you decide to move forward, if you decide that the cost is worth it, think of all the

possible things that could go wrong in advance and pinpoint the triggers and find solutions ahead of time. Okay, now we're wrapping up here. All of this is simple, but I told you it's not easy. And I want you to believe me when I say this. Are you listening? From now on, you get to decide who you are and who you will be. And it's this person who creates a different type of performance.

Because as you embark on your next performance, as you plan for your next performance, like we're going to do tomorrow, you are a different person. You are rooted. You are in alignment. You know where you're going. You know what sparks your motivation. You're passionate. You have a clear purpose.

Then the work is very different. the way you're going to practice, the way you're going to plan, the way you're going to show up when things get tough will be different, right? So going back to the first exercise that I had you do, you want to decide to be this person, to get what you want. You have to be the person that has it. I didn't come up with that. I heard it. And when I heard it, I really heard it. To get what I want. I have to be the person who has it. Wow. Wow. It works. I'm telling you. So I want you to have your eyes on the future. Don't look to your past to know who you are. That's who you were. Everything that you are now is because of the past conditionings and the past experiences that

you've had. And for some of us, that happened in a very passive way. And today is when we can get very intentional and draw a line in the sand and say, how am I letting the past impact the person that I am today and tomorrow? Okay. So that that's who you were. You created very deep neural pathways. You have a lot of evidence for who you've been. Now you want something different. Your brain keeps going to the past because that's what it knows. You need to create new neural pathways and we do that by being intentional about who you are being that starts today by being in alignment with your why you can create these new neural pathways new ways of interacting with your world with yourself and with others so your brain is going to keep going

to the way you usually behave because that's what it knows and when that happens have the awareness that is happening. Notice that is happening. Oh, old patterns. And remind yourself of who it is that you intentionally are, that why that you're pursuing. And then you redirect. Oh, old pattern, old behavior. Let me think about who I'm becoming. How does this person react to this? What does this person think about this? What does this person feel about this? How do I want to feel? And what do I want to think about this? How do I want to feel about this? How do I want to react to this? Let me think about it. But it starts with noticing, with awareness. So you constantly put intentionality in your actions, and that is going to lead you to an intentional self that you want

to cultivate. And that self is an alignment. That self creates what it is that you deeply want. And And so from now on, you get to decide who you are and who you're going to be. And this person creates a different type of performance. It shows up differently in lessons. It shows up differently in the practice room. It shows up differently with colleagues at work. It shows up differently in the audition room. This person who's confident and curious and self-compassionate and passionate and aligned.

So from being, from being rooted, the things you do, they take you where you want to be. Does that make sense? So I invite you to embrace doubt. That's the last thing I want to do before we go into the Q&A. Along the way, doubt is going to show up. I guarantee it multiple times a day. It doesn't mean anything is going wrong. Doubt is normal.

I had a very powerful shift in the coaching session years ago where I was with my coach talking about how I was doubting that I was doing things the right way. And she asked me, what do you make the fact that you're doubting mean? And I was like, what do you mean? I was like, well, what if doubt was normal? And I had never thought about it this way. I thought that if you doubt, it means that you're not doing the right thing. If you doubt, it means that you don't have clarity. If you doubt, it means that you're heading in the wrong direction or your purpose is I meant doubt means something that it's not. And in that instance, she changed my life.

That was one sentence she said that landed so powerfully for me and keeps landing for me. And I hope it lands for you. Doubt doesn't mean anything is going wrong. What if doubt means that you're doing it right? Because it means you're showing up. I guarantee it. It doesn't mean anything's wrong.

Doubt is normal. it's part of our constant evaluation process. A journey is paved with a million decisions and options. That's going to show up because you have to make decisions consistently. And to address what was said earlier, there is no right or wrong answer. There's no right or wrong decisions. And maybe we can address that more at length on Sunday, and I can address it now in the Q&A session. But the definition of making the right or wrong decision, the concept as a whole is faulty. We'll talk about that. So what if doubt didn't mean that you were doing something wrong? What if it meant that you're doing it right? How would that change your life

moving forward after you step outside of this session today? So if you're going to doubt anything. Please hear me when I say this. If you're going to doubt anything, doubt your doubt and doubt your limitations. This is one really great way of using doubt. Okay? Doubt your doubt, doubt your limitations. Doubt's going to show up for a very good reason. Your job is to understand that it's just a story you're telling yourself. Doubt shows up because your brain is trying to keep you safe. It's a pattern way of thinking. Your brain borrows from the past. It's giving you a story to keep yourself safe and away from discomfort and risk-free and failure-free and fear-free in any uncertainty or other uncomfortable emotion that leads to growth and evolution and

self-fulfillment. Doubt keeps you away from all of that. It wants to, but you cannot build a different future using the same patterns from the past. You need to start thinking differently. So doubt your doubt. Let's review and then in two minutes we have our Q&A session. So in short, relying on things like willpower, rigid discipline, fitting the mold, and outsourcing all information inside do not work long term. Self-compassion, flexibility, curiosity, reflection, authenticity, resilience, and being rooted in self are qualities that will nurture you in the pursuit of your goal. It all begins with being. Know your who, know your why, know your why not.

Embracing willingness. Decide what you want, work out the price you will have to pay to have it, decide if it's worth it to you, and then you get to work. I didn't put it there because that's tomorrow. Embrace doubt and be the person that creates what you want. Now, your homework is to reflect on exercises from today in your worksheets and from a place of being and feeling self-aligned, start thinking about how you will approach an upcoming performance. What do you think, feel, do, and create for yourself?

There you have it. Thank you for joining me today. I hope you enjoyed this episode. As I said at the beginning, I promise you results if you follow this blueprint. So take the concepts and run with them. Grab the worksheets at tinyurl.com slash mtsworkshop. Do the reflection exercises, experiment, and don't hesitate to reach out to me if you need guidance on this journey. You can find me on Instagram at mindoverfinger or on Facebook And you can also join the Mind Over Finger Facebook community and get free coaching during one of my Q&A sessions.

I have that link in the show notes for you. And for guidance and support that will help you finally reach all of your goals and grow your career, don't forget to book your free strategy call at mindoverfinger.com slash M-M-E, so you and I can chat and see if the music mastery experience is the logical next step for you. All right, that's what I have for you this week. Until next time, much love going your way, and à bientôt!