The Mind Over Finger Podcast - 201 Why You're Stuck & How to Break Free

Starting point is 00:00:00 Do you feel stuck? Not sure how to move forward? Or maybe you're having a hard time making decisions and taking action? If so, I hear you. And let me tell you, this episode is for you. You're listening to the Mind Over Finger podcast, and this is episode number 201. Welcome to the Mind Over Finger podcast, where we dive into the world of mindful music making peak performance, and crafting a purpose-driven life and career. I'm your host, violinist, certified performance and life coach for musicians, and your guide to unlocking your full potential, Dr. René-Paul Gaultier. Hi everyone, I hope you're having a glorious

Starting point is 00:00:48 day as you're tuning in. Today, we're diving deep into a topic that I hear so much about from so many people, clients, colleagues, friends, and you, podcast listeners, feeling stuck. That happens to all of us. I gave this presentation live inside the Mind Over Finger Facebook community a few weeks ago, and I'm sharing it with you today in podcast version. You can also catch the video on YouTube or inside the Mind Over Finger community. All the links are in the show notes. So today, let's explore that topic and find some strategies to get unstuck. Let's look at what gets us stuck, and it usually has the flavor of fear or uncertainty, the fear of failure, judgment, or the discomfort that comes with stepping into new possibilities. I'll be discussing

Starting point is 00:01:44 five core reasons that keep us anchored in place from a lack of clear goals and understanding of our own identities to the paralyzing effects of perfectionism and fear of judgment. More importantly, I'm going to share insights on how making decisions and taking actionable steps can lead us out of stagnation and towards personal growth and fulfillment by creating clarity in our lives. So let's uncover the strategies to overcoming these barriers and getting unstuck. And before we dive in, let me ask you this. Are you currently on the audition path? Are you aiming for that elusive first position or maybe striving to level up in your musical career?

Starting point is 00:02:30 What do you think it would take for you to deliver a winning audition, to get that dream position, to create your ideal life? Well, if you're looking for real solutions and for the guidance that will lift you there, I invite you to join the Music Mastery Experience, my life-changing group coaching program. The Music Mastery Experience is the most comprehensive, highly personalized group coaching program for musicians that will provide you with a clear, effective approach to peak performance. You're going to learn faster and better, and you're going to master the mindsets that are going to turbocharge your results. Plus, you're going to get powerful life coaching

Starting point is 00:03:16 that will support you in making big strides in your musical journey and achieve your goals in life. No more wasting time or feeling frustrated. Those days are over. Together, we're going to create a powerful strategy that's tailored to your needs so you can deliver your best audition yet. and I'm going to provide you with all the tools you need to perform with confidence time and time

Starting point is 00:03:45 again. The Music Master Experience will save you from unnecessary agony and will help you achieve the results you want. So don't miss out. Visit mindoverfinger.com slash mme now to get all the details about the program and book your free conversation with me. We're going to make this your new reality now. So get ready to rock your auditions. Book your free call at mindoverfinger.com slash M-M-E and let's take your music making to the next level. I can't wait to speak with you. All right, without further ado, let's go to the show and discuss getting unstuck. getting unstuck this morning. I'm gonna share some concepts with you guys and then after that we're gonna have a Q&A session. Let's talk about first what keeps us stuck. Five things and each

Starting point is 00:04:54 one has multiple nuances and then of course there's more than five things. So many things can keep us stuck. But let's cover five main ones today. The first one is not taking the time to reflect and know what we want, to get some clarity about what it is that we want to achieve, where we want to go, who we want to be. Having clarity on these things is a key element in any endeavor you want to pursue. If you watched Mastering the Stage, either on YouTube or you listened to it on the last two podcasts that I released, episodes 197 and 198. And if you were live with me during the workshop, you know that really understanding who you are. So who before doing, being before doing, knowing what you want, knowing where you want to go is essential. So when

Starting point is 00:05:59 you don't have this clarity, it's easy to get distracted by everything that's around you. It's easy to be influenced. It's easy to let yourself be carried by the wave. And what you want to do is simply sit down, take the time to reflect and get some clarity on all of these things. So that's one of the first reasons why we stay stuck, is not being intentional about where we want to be, who we want to be. And the reason why is because when we start asking these questions, it can be scary. Who do you want to be? Maybe you have ideas that are a little bit frightening right now. Well, how can I even dream this? How can I even allow myself to want those things. It's going to be very uncomfortable to get there. I don't even know how to accomplish

Starting point is 00:06:54 any of these things, right? People are going to judge me if I try to do this. There's a lot of things I'm going to have to experiment with and I might fail. So we have this fear of failure, this fear of discomfort, this fear of judgment that keeps us from actually looking at what we want or who we want to be and keeps us stuck. It's that fear. So if you are not looking for clarity, ask yourself why. Why are you not asking yourself these questions and what are you afraid of? The second thing that keeps us stuck is fighting where we are. One of my favorite quotes is from Byron Katie. And she says, when you fight reality, you lose, but only every time. And I love that so much.

Starting point is 00:07:49 So whatever circumstance you're in, when you waste mental energy, physical energy, emotional energy, wishing you were elsewhere, this erodes at your willpower, at your motivation, at your sense of self, at your self-confidence. So when you're fighting where you are, there's a lot of energy being expended on regrets, on regretting the past, regretting things you've done, regretting things you have not done. This really keeps us stuck. And I think maybe you can identify with this is when we start looping and we replay events in our head and wish we had done something different, said something different. And as we spiral and really, we really nurture these looping thoughts in our brain, that keeps us stuck because we let those events, we let the current situation define where

Starting point is 00:08:50 we are and we feel shackled. We really feel imprisoned by this present moment. So don't fight where you are. Embrace it. Accept it. Make peace with it. receive it, acknowledge it, give yourself grace, give yourself self-compassion, and understand that every moment of your life, you're always trying to do your best. I strongly believe this

Starting point is 00:09:19 about all of us, about all human beings. We're always simply trying to do our best. So when you can really look at reality with a more compassionate eye, a present eye, then you get the leverage, you get the distance to start thinking about doing things differently and making changes in your life. So don't fight reality. Don't wish things were different. Make peace with your current situation. Give yourself grace as a human who is just trying to do their best and created the current

Starting point is 00:09:55 situation that they're in. So fighting reality is one way that we stay stuck. And remember that quote from Byron Katie, when you fight reality, you lose, but only every time. A third reason why we stay stuck is that we think that there are right or wrong decisions, and then we don't make decision. So many times in life, we don't take action because we're lacking clarity, but that's really backwards is clarity comes from action and action comes from making a decision right so what you want to do is you want something make a decision what am I going to do next what is the next action I'm going to take make a decision what are you going to do you're going to send an email what are you going to say in the email just make decisions from making these decisions then

Starting point is 00:10:50 you take action you write an email or you pick up your instrument and you practice or you apply for an audition or you apply for a teaching position make a decision which makes you take action and with each action you take you get results and this shows you the next thing to do and this gives you clarity we cannot wait to have clarity to take action clarity comes from actions and actions come from making decisions. So the issue is if we think there are right or wrong answer. Oh, I'm so glad that you resonate. Yes. There are no right or wrong answers. So sometimes we stay stuck because we can't make decisions because we think there is a right or wrong decision. There is a decision that will lead to a good outcome and one that will lead

Starting point is 00:11:48 to a bad outcome. And I'm here to tell you that this is a thought error. This is not true. A decision takes you to the next step. And at that next step, at this next branch in the road, you'll make another decision. And whatever you decide, know that you can create a success out of it. You can make this a successful decision. So there are no right or wrong decisions. There's only the decisions that you make right or wrong. This is a very powerful concept to understand and accept and it's not easy to accept. The other thing too is what I just mentioned is we're simply human beings trying to make the best out of life, trying to make the best decisions, trying to do our best at all times. So have trust that when you're making a decision with the information that you

Starting point is 00:12:47 have at the time, it was the best decision that you could have made in that moment. Give yourself some grace from this. And then sometimes, yes, we might be proven wrong. Maybe we didn't have the right information. Maybe we did the calculation error on how things were going to play out. That is part of life. But know that from that decision, you took action, you got some results, you can assess what happened, you can learn, you can move forward. And that decisions you made took you somewhere and now you're going to make a new decision to take different actions you're going to get more clarity but you're going to keep moving forward and that's the key element so start making decisions with self-compassion with self-respect with clarity with objectivity

Starting point is 00:13:34 but know that there are no right or wrong decisions there's only the decisions that you make right or wrong. And from that, you'll get clarity. So stop expecting clarity first. You need to start with the courage to make a decision. Take action with all of the fears, with the fears of failure, with the fears that other might judge you, with the fears that it might be just uncomfortable and know that this will take you to your next step where you will make another decision, take more action, get more information, more data, get more clarity. So not making decisions because you think there is a right or wrong answer is something that keeps you stuck. I was pondering this yesterday. Someone shares here when talking

Starting point is 00:14:23 about my future. I was like, let's just try this life choice and explore what it will bring in our life. This is harder when you get older, but go for it. Yes. And the thing is, there's no other choice. Not making a decision is making a decision. It's making a decision to stay put. So do you want to take an intentional decision or a default decision? And that requires courage. And that requires facing discomfort and probably experiencing discomfort. And probably experiencing failure. And probably experiencing judgment from others. that's the human experience yeah so bravo for moving forward absolutely okay number four worrying about what other people will think how many things have you done or not done because

Starting point is 00:15:18 you worry about what other people think all of us we all do it and i am here telling you today that I hope you can separate yourself from this fear and start moving towards the thing that you feel called by. Start with the vision of what you want. Have the boldness to want what you want. I said that in Mastering the Stage, you're allowed to want what you want. And when you can learn to live with the discomfort of knowing that people are judging you, amazing things can happen and the thing is people will judge no matter what they will always judge whether you sit at home and do nothing they'll judge you for sitting at home and doing nothing or go out there and create something for yourself and also people will have a lot

Starting point is 00:16:13 of opinions about what you're doing because sometimes it impacts their life sometimes you doing something wonderful for yourself makes someone else's feel bad about themselves. They will judge you for that. So what is the solution then to do nothing and experience a life that feels unfulfilling? I think that facing discomfort, facing fear, and facing judgment is something that will really lead you closer to any endeavor that you want to reach, any goal you want to reach, any dream that you have. So think about how this fear of judgment from others is holding you back, and develop that daily courage of taking actions and facing judgment. You're going to face it no matter what. People are judging all the time. So what is

Starting point is 00:17:03 your choice here? What will you do? If people are judging all the time, what do you decide? Okay, number five, perfectionism. Perfectionism keeps us stuck. Believe me, I know it. so how do we aim for high standards how do we aim for the best version that we can be the best version of ourselves how do we best how do we aim to play the best that we can play but don't use perfectionism to hold ourselves back that is the question that we need to answer because perfectionism again is not again perfectionism like fear of judgment like you know not making decisions because we think there's a wrong or right decision fighting the reality that you're in and not taking the time that to reflect on what you want

Starting point is 00:18:04 all of these things are tied together and perfectionism entails a little bit of all of these things. We don't make decisions because we're afraid it's not the perfect decision. We're afraid of what other people are going to think. They're going to think we're not perfect. We're afraid to want what we want because it might not come out perfectly in its execution. So perfectionism, I mean, one thing I think is perfectionism doesn't just rob you of your time. it really robs you of your potential. So think about every time also that you are not starting a project because you're afraid it cannot be perfect. Or you start working on something and you give up because you feel like it's not good enough. How do you let perfectionism

Starting point is 00:18:57 come in the practice room with you every day and spew hate at you and say mean things at you and eat away at your sense of self and erode your self-confidence and significantly impact the results that you're getting as you're working, as you're trying to improve. So what's very weird, and we all do it, is that in this effort of being perfect, we rub ourselves at a chance of being a little bit better and a little bit better and a little little bit better aiming high is good aiming for perfection can be very rigid and detrimental now perfectionism is a big topic having some perfectionist traits can be serving you at times 100 absolutely but it's like everything in life everything in life can be good or bad depending

Starting point is 00:19:58 on how we use it for or against ourselves. Really hear me when I say this. Everything in life can be beneficial or detrimental to us depending on how we use it. And it's up to us to be intentional in our use of any tool, any concept, any approach, any method that we adopt. So perfectionism can be helpful at time. If perfectionism pushes you to work a little bit more, to face discomfort so something gets a little bit better, that is helpful. But we want to have the awareness to know when perfectionism starts to turn toxic. So keep that in mind. Perfectionism in itself is not a bad thing. It's how we use it. So have this awareness to start seeing how these traits, how these things are impacting you negatively. So these are five things and I think five of the

Starting point is 00:20:58 main ones that can keep you stuck. Keep them in mind over the next few days and try to increase your level of awareness of when these things show up in your life, how they show up and how they hold you back. So let me go through them again. Not having a clear vision for yourself, not knowing what you want, not knowing who you want to be, fighting where you are, really spiraling in regrets for the things you didn't do, the things you should have done, and the places you're not. Thinking that there are right or wrong decisions and expecting clarity without taking action. worrying about what others will think about you so the sphere of judgment and then finally all of the ways that perfectionism holds you in shackles so what we want to do is

Starting point is 00:21:53 open space for a vision open space for the questions who am i what am i here to do what do i want what is my vision for myself accepting where you are with love and self-respect self compassion and look at where you are take it in take in the data and learn like what got you here what type of thinking got you here what actions got you here what fears got you here what scarcity mindset brought you here what motivation all of the good all about what brought you here and use that to plan for the future, then remember that clarity comes from actions and actions come from making decisions of what we're going to do next. So don't expect decisions to be right. Make them right by how you react to the results you're getting. So make a decision,

Starting point is 00:22:53 take an action, and from that action, you get information and that will bring you clarity as to what the next step should be try to separate yourself from the judgment of others and really accept that it is there right when we fight reality we lose but only every time judgment will be there to bring back the concept that i was talking about in the mastering the stage workshop is be rooted in self so as the person that you decide that you want to be what do you do when you're separate from your fear of judgment. And then finally, identify how perfectionism shows up in your life in a negative way. It's also good to know when it's good for you.

Starting point is 00:23:37 But how does it keep you stuck? What is it that you don't do because you're afraid it's not going to be perfect? What is it that you never turn in because you're afraid it's not going to be perfect? So I hope this is helpful. keep that in mind over the next few days and please keep me posted on the insight that it brings for you and before I go to the Q&A if there's some questions I want to remind you that the Music Mastery Experience is now open for enrollment so if you're someone who's feeling stuck in your life in your career if you feel like you're looking for something different

Starting point is 00:24:19 you're looking for more clarity you're looking for guidance on how to start taking action I'm here for you so go to mindoverfinger.com slash mme right now all the information is there and if you're looking to change things in your career maybe you're looking to take a different turn all of the tools are there the systems the methods to transform you're playing you're performing, but also the life tools that will help you gain confidence, gain clarity, ease of making decisions, and really get a sense of being rooted in self. So mindoverfinger.com slash MME. All the information is there. Book your call. In that strategy call, we're going to talk about what it is that you want. We're going to look at where you are, and we're going to make a plan to get you

Starting point is 00:25:14 where you want to be. So book that call today. mindoverfinger.com slash MME. There you have it. Thank you for joining me today. Please share this episode with friends and fellow musicians. Grab a screenshot of the episode, share on social, tag me, and let me know what your favorite takeaways were. Also, don't forget, the doors to the Music Mastery experience are open. So if you want to get unstuck, if you want to get clarity,

Starting point is 00:25:52 if you want support and tools and an amazing community, if you're looking for results that will blow your mind, you're going to love this program. Head over to mindoverfinger.com slash M-M-E to join today. All right, that's what I have for you this week. Until next time, much love going your way

Starting point is 00:26:16 and à bientôt.

The Mind Over Finger Podcast - 201 Why You're Stuck & How to Break Free

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