The Mind Over Finger Podcast - 204 The One Feeling to Shape Your Success

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

In this episode, we dive into a key feeling that can help you break free from autopilot mode and approach your goals with intention. I discuss: Why many of us fall into routine and how to shift away from it How this feeling drives purposeful action and long-term success Real-life examples from Olympians, musicians, and entrepreneurs who use this mindset to achieve their goals Practical steps you can take to cultivate this feeling and apply it to your personal and professional growth Listen now and discover how this simple shift can have a profound impact on your year.   Book your free consultation with Renée HERE Download the transcript from this episode HERE   Mind Over Finger Click www.mindoverfinger.com/coaching to book your free consultation with me. Visit MindOverFinger.com for my online courses as well as free resources on peak performance. Grab my free workshops and PDF downloads by going to www.mindoverfinger.com/resources. Connect: https://www.youtube.com/@MindOverFinger https://www.facebook.com/mindoverfinger/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/mindoverfinger https://www.instagram.com/mindoverfinger/     THANK YOU: Most sincere thank you to composer Jim Stephenson who graciously provided the show's musical theme:  Concerto #1 for Trumpet and Chamber Orchestra – Movement 2: Allegro con Brio, performed by Jeffrey Work, trumpet, and the Lake Forest Symphony, conducted by Jim Stephenson.

You're listening to The Mind Over Finger Podcast, episode number 204. Welcome to The Mind Over Finger Podcast, where we dive into the world of mindful music making, peak performance, and crafting a purpose-driven life and career. I'm your host, violinist, certified performance and life coach for musicians, and your guide to unlocking your full potential, Dr. René-Paul Gaultier. Today, I have a really great topic for you, something that I'm very passionate about. It's fall. Maybe you're listening to this, it's January, or you're about to embark on a new project. I like these new beginnings. But right now it's fall. And I know that a lot of us are

starting new seasons, starting school semesters. And fall always feels like a new beginning. for me it's very interesting you know it's very fresh and we have these goals it's easy to be motivated but how does one stay motivated it's not always that easy and there is one emotion in particular that can really help you stay motivated and navigate stumbling blocks navigate when things get rough and keep moving forward and that feeling is willingness and that's what I want to talk to you today. I want to talk to you about what willingness is, where it comes from, how do we nurture it, what happens when we don't feel willing to do something. So we're going to cover all of that today because willingness can really be a game changer. It can be completely

changing things on how you pursue one goal. And it can change everything in your life as well. So let's talk about this. First, what do I mean by willingness? Well, I pulled out a few definitions and you're going to forgive me while I look at my notes here because I did not memorize them. A general definition of willingness could be is a quality or state of being prepared to do something. I think we all understand that. We're prepared to do something. We're willing to do something. Willingness is a readiness or inclination to do something. It generally implies a voluntary attitude, a voluntary attitude, or openness toward a task or situation. Here are a few nuanced definitions that I've brought for you. So again, general definition, willingness refers to the

state of being prepared or eager, eager, compelled, feeling compelled to do something. It highlights a voluntary approach often marked by enthusiasm or consent. You see all these words, consent, feeling compelled, voluntary. This is willingness. Nothing is forced. Nothing is imposed on you. You do it on your own free will. A psychological definition could be willingness often refers to the readiness to embrace discomfort or challenges, particularly when pursuing goals or making personal growth. It emphasizes openness to experiences, even if they are difficult or unpleasant. We're going to talk a lot about that today. From a motivational perspective, willingness can also indicate the motivation or drive to engage in activities that are essential for

achieving a desired outcome, desired outcome, reflecting a proactive attitude. Also in the context of coaching or self-development, willingness is often linked to the mindset necessary for growth and overcoming personal obstacles. It implies not just passive acceptance but an active engagement in the process. For me, willingness means that you have a deeply rooted desire to do something, to become something, to accomplish a goal, to reach something. And you have the will to do what it takes to get there. But you have agency. Willingness for me implies agency. You're in charge or I'm in charge of my own actions. I feel compelled to take actions even when they're uncomfortable. I'm compelled to do the things that are scary. I'm

compelled to do the things that are difficult because I am so deeply committed to the outcome. and willingness is a feeling that when we can tap into it and I'll show you how to do that today when we can nurture it we have such great chances of reaching goals of creating a life that is what we want so a lot of us can be at times if not often living by default right we follow society's expectations. Sometimes we follow someone else's blueprint, what our parents want, what our teachers want, what we think is the right thing to do, right? We often search for answers outside ourselves. We don't know what we truly want. And I can really identify this because I can say that this is a little bit what was going on early on in my career. I had a vague idea of what I wanted.

I knew I wanted to be a violinist, but I didn't have a clear idea of what I really, really wanted. And I also never really knew that I could look for that, that I could ask myself these questions. What do I want? What do I want my life to look like? Where do I want to live? Who do I want to be with?

I sort of followed the advice that my parents gave me, that my teachers gave me, that my older colleagues gave me. And it's only later in life that I developed this attitude of looking for questions to ask myself that would lead to answers and to start following these answers. So the game changer is willingness in this because it is not easy to look for these answers. So willingness is driven by purpose. And that really starts by going within first, by being willing to ask difficult questions, by being willing to pay attention to the answers, by being willing to face the truth, because some of these answers are not necessarily going to be what we expect or what we want,

because it might go against the grain, against what we're seeing around us, against what our family, friends, our surroundings, what they're expecting of us. So some of these answers might be difficult. It's being willing to make decisions that align with these desires, decisions that align with your values, decisions that align with your goal. Not always easy, right? So when we find our purpose, when we have that willingness to go in, to look inward, to find the answers and to listen to these answers, this is when we can start to make intentional decisions because these goals are meaningful. The other thing that we want to do also is look at the deep desire behind the desire. Why do you want to be a musician? Why do you want

to be an athlete? Why do you want that specific job? Why do you want to live in this city? What is the deep desire behind the desire? Because when you know what you want and you love your reasons for wanting it, nothing will stop you. So you want to know what you want and you have to love your reasons for wanting it. This is when you can start making intentional choices. So ask yourself questions. What is it that you want? Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? Where do you want to live? Do you want to win an audition? Do you want to start a concert series? Do you want to record an album? Do you want to apply for a teaching position? Maybe you want to actually pivot in an entirely different field, but that's a very scary decision.

So ask yourself, be willing to go there. Ask the questions. Next, when we know what we want, when we love the reasons why we want it, and we're about to embark on going after it, this is when willingness really kicks in. And willingness only comes from a deeply rooted desire to get somewhere, to get something, to accomplish something. I saw this quote the other day and that really resonated. Everyone wants to be successful until they see what it takes. Right? So many people we see out there and it's easy to envy them. Successful athletes, successful musicians, brilliant scientists. but we often forget everything they had to do to get there and a lot of us don't always have

the willingness to go after it but oftentimes we're not willing to go after it because we're not connected to the deeply rooted desires that we have so that's why we start by looking in but willingness means that once you know what it is that you want means that you are willing to invest yourself into it. You're willing to invest your energy. You're willing to invest your effort. You're willing to invest your emotions. Oftentimes you'll invest your money. It's what we do when we go to school, when we acquire equipment, when we pay for coaching, right? So willingness means you're willing to invest yourself into something fully and you're willing to do what it takes. So are you willing to do the work that aligns with those goals, right?

I'm talking aligns with those goals because willingness, once again, is voluntary. You feel compelled. I almost feel like the willing, feeling willing and feeling compelled is very similar. We want to do these things. We're willing, we're compelled to search for solutions when obstacles arrive. We're willing to make sacrifices for long-term fulfillment. We're willing to spend time, effort, energy to get it. So I'll give you an example. If you want to win an audition, what are you willing to do to win this audition? Are you willing to listen to advice, to practice in an organized way,

to get information on how to practice better, maybe hire a coach that will help you be more successful in this audition? Are you willing to pay for the equipment that you need to travel to get there? Pay for rehearsal with a piano, collaborative piano? Are you willing to skip on hanging out with friends? Are you willing to keep going when you start to doubt? Are you willing to go through the fear, through the uncertainty? Are you willing to cope with all of the thoughts and emotions that will come as you're on this journey of preparing for this audition. Same thing with a studio. If you start a studio with lots of students, are you willing to cope with all of the responsibilities and effort that's going to come with that? Are you willing to deal

with difficult parents? Are you willing to deal with all of the obstacles that come with owning the studio, recording an album, all of these things. I mean, I'll give you another example is when I wanted to do a doctorate, I had that deeply rooted desire to pursue a doctorate. And at the time I had a toddler and I was about to give birth to my second child and I lived kind of far from the school and I was already working and I was kind of busy, but I had this deeply rooted desire to pursue that specific doctorate at that specific school with this specific topic in mind of mindful practice. I was deeply passionate about it. I was deeply desiring it. And because of that, I was willing to do whatever it take. I remember someone was telling me it

doesn't really look doable. I mean, a toddler, a newborn, long commute, all the work, how's that and the work. And I told this person, make a list of all of the obstacles. I'm going to find a solution. I'm going to figure it out. Commute, I'll organize my schedule. I'll be very meticulous with how I plan my days so I can save my energy. I'll be meticulous with how I plan my studying, how when I do my homework, I'll be meticulous with my course choice. I'll be really present in class. I'm going to manage my energy. I'm going to manage what I eat. And when I'm tired, I'm going to keep going. When I'm uncomfortable, I'm going to keep going. When I'm nervous, when I'm stressed out, I'm going to keep going. And I can tell you, it was hard. A newborn,

a toddler, long commutes, work. I got sick. I got tired. I got stressed out. But I was always deeply committed to the end result. And that had me willing to do whatever it took to get it done. Whatever it took to get all of the knowledge that I needed to meet all of the deadlines. because I was deeply connected to my goal and I desired it deeply. I consciously intentionally decided to be willing to do whatever it took. I knew it was going to be uncomfortable. I knew it was going to be hard. And I was willing to go through this to find out if I could get it done, to find out what I was made of. And that was really amazing. So willingness is what kept me going through. Now, someone could talk about motivation. Yes, motivation is a great emotion,

but motivation comes and goes. It's willingness that keeps you going when things get tough. So the power of willingness is that it keeps you going when motivation is low. And you have to stay connected with your goal. So willingness, once again, you're in charge. You have agency because you know what you want and you go after it. The type of language that you use when you're in willingness is I want to, I choose to, and that's because you have a clarity of purpose and you know that it's up to you to take action to create the reality that you want. Once again, preparing for an audition. Think of what athletes have to do to prepare for the Olympics, all of the sacrifice, all of the hard work, the investment of energy, emotions, money, all of it.

Another example, taking care of a child. I know that several of you listening to the podcast are parents. Let's talk about willingness to help our children thrive. How willing are we to help them thrive. I am willing to do whatever it takes to help my children thrive and be happy and evolve into great members of society. So this willingness is what allows me to show up to attend to a sick child through the night, to do all of the things that are required, even when it's scary and uncomfortable and time-consuming, right? Launching a business, same thing. So just know that willingness is what keeps you going when things are tough. There's a quote that I love by Susan David, who's a researcher, and she says, discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.

Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life because the journey will rarely be easy. There's going to be obstacles. There's going to be stumbling blocks. But you know that when you face the discomfort, when you face the fear, when you face the stress, you're willing to go through it. You're willing to experience it. Then you become the person who meets your goal, that reaches your goal. And willingness also means that you know what your boundaries are. We want to protect our physical, our mental, and emotional health. That is part of willingness as well. So we're going to be willing to work hard, but we're going to work smart. We're going to be willing to work passing our own limits, but we're going to do that with alignment. We're going to work with intention

and we're going to do effective work so all our energy is spent the right way. But it's even more than that. Take the example of Simone Biles, who quit the Olympics in 2020 to protect her mental health and her physical health. And look at what it did for her. The journey was not easy. She faced a lot of criticism. She faced a lot of shame. It took willingness for her to make these difficult decisions because she was thinking long-term. She was committed to a long-term vision, which was herself thriving. And sometimes that looks different than what we think. So as you know that you're willing to do whatever it's going to take, at times doing what it takes means to stop, to back up, to realign, to go back to the source, to reconnect with the purpose

and maybe pivot if necessary. So we want to focus on long-term thriving, not necessarily short-term success. And never sacrifice a long-term thriving for a short-term success. We want to prevent burnout. We want to protect the asset. A great book, Essentialism, where the author talks about the asset, nurturing the asset. That's you. How are you going to protect, nurture this asset so it thrives long term. Because that is the way to achieve your meaningful goal, your life's purpose. So what are the boundaries? And are you willing to do what it takes to protect them? Maybe that's going to mean at times to say no to people, say no to opportunities. Think of Hilary Hahn, who had to deal with an injury recently and had to back out of a few

concerts so that she could heal properly. That's not easy, but this is someone who is willing to do what it takes to thrive long-term and in this way serving her long-term mission instead of falling into this trap of trying to keep everybody happy in the short term, right? So we want to make the difficult choices that serve the ultimate goal. We want to think long-term and that's not always easy. So be willing to know what the boundaries are and to follow your instinct with this. And that's a dial that we need to constantly adjust. There are times in pursuing a goal where we might feel physically exhausted. And if we know that we can sustain that for a little bit, it might be okay to keep going. But then we might get a signal that no, this is too

much now. This is no longer safe. Then we have to be willing to pay attention to the signals when it's time to slow down, when it's time to realign. And those signals are going to be great because at times they're going to tell you that you're going into the wrong direction, that you're not in fact heading toward your goal, but you're erring on the side, on the tangent. so are you willing to pause to look to reassess to realign and do what it takes to serve your long-term purpose so this is also part of willingness is to have the boundaries that are going to support our asset our physical health emotional health mental health let's talk briefly about why we're not willing at times totally okay to not be willing totally normal

also to not feel willing. This is why we have to stay in touch with the deeper purpose. So why we're not willing at times, sometimes we don't even want the result. We don't genuinely want it. But we might go after it because we think society wants us to. Maybe our parents want us to. I mean, some people pursue degrees in fields they're not interested in because they think they should. And that is not serving you long term. You might work hard. You might be willing to make a lot of sacrifices because you feel like it's what you should do. But this could ultimately lead to burnout. Not always, of course. So sometimes if you're not willing to do something, ask yourself, is it because I'm not committed to the result? Maybe you don't really want it.

And that's an important question to ask yourself. And you have to be willing to listen to the answer. Second one. Second one is maybe you don't want it enough. Maybe you're not willing to pay the price. Maybe it's not worth it to you. And that's okay. If the price is not worth it to you, you never have to go after it. Don't make yourself feel guilty. Find your next goal. Find the one that is worth it to you and go after that one. It's going to feel so much better. Another reason why we're not willing at times is that we might want the result, but our mismanaged mind gets in the way. We don't believe that we can accomplish it. We create stories that make us doubt our ability to do it. And we think that even if I put in the effort, it might not work.

And when you do that, it usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'll give you another example related to the doctorate. For the longest time when I was very young, I thought that only theory wizards could do doctorates. And I'm decent at theory, but I'm not a wizard by no means. So in my mind, I wanted, I really wanted to do a doctorate, but I didn't believe that I could accomplish it because I wasn't a theory wizard. I thought I had pretty much everything else. I just wasn't a theory wizard. And then one day this thought entered my mind, but what if I could figure it out? What if you don't have to be a wizard? What if I could figure it out? And once that thought entered my mind, that was it. No more barriers. And then I was

really committed to my deepest desire, which was to go after this doctorate. So you see how your own thoughts get in the way of your deepest desires at times. This is why coaching is so important for me. It's with the help of coaches, of wise guides, that I'm able to see my own self-imposed limitations. So what is it that you deeply desire but you think you might not be able to accomplish? What is it that you truly want, but you doubt in your ability to succeed? This is worth investigating. So if there's something that you think you want and you don't feel willing, explore. Is it because you actually don't genuinely want it? Maybe you don't want it enough. And also maybe you do want it, but there's some thought errors in there. There's doubt,

self-imposed limitations. And by questioning those doubts, that could open the doors for you to go after it, right? So when we have this fear of failure, when we don't trust our ability to accomplish something, we do fail ahead of time by not even going after it. So if there's something that you really want, but you doubt your ability to get there, I would investigate that a little bit. So how do we cultivate willingness? Let's talk about this. The first way is to begin with connecting with your deepest desire and ask yourself these questions. You nurture willingness by starting with willingness, the willingness to ask questions and the willingness to listen to the answers, like I said at the beginning. And you want to stay connected with this goal and

this purpose. Keep it close by in writing. Surround yourself with things that inspire you in that direction. Maybe visual reminders. Then create a plan. Create a step-by-step plan of what could help you reach this goal. And with every obstacle that shows up, find a solution. Another thing that you want to do is to really stay focused on the journey. Reaching the goal is amazing, but you're living your life right now in this present moment. You are in the journey right now and there's going to be difficult moment. There's going to be wonderful moment. Welcome all of these, all of these emotions. They're part of it. So stay focused on the journey and that's going to help you stay sustained on reaching your goal. Another way that we cultivate willingness is by managing our mind.

Look into your brain. Journal. Look at what you're thinking. When you see a limiting thought, question it. Doubt it. See if the opposite could also be true. And maybe seek guidance. Maybe get coaching. Maybe ask for advice. And throughout the entire journey, seek help. Mentors. People who've done this before, family members that can offer support. So this is how you stay connected with willingness. This is how you cultivate it. By knowing what your purpose is, by having a plan, by focusing on the journey, by managing your mind, and by seeking help when needed. And remember that willingness comes from alignment with your deepest desires. When you're willing, you're compelled to do things because you know where you want to go, where you want to be.

So in conclusion, I highly encourage you to see willingness as a feeling that you can intentionally cultivate by looking inward, by looking at what it is that you want, what it is that you want to be, what it is that you want to accomplish. And by understanding that willingness means that you are in charge. You decide, you choose to take action. And don't forget to set healthy boundaries on the way to accomplish your goals. So I have one call to action for you. I'm going to ask you to look back at a moment in your life when you felt willing to do what it takes. I'm sure you've had a moment like this where you had a goal and you just, you did crazy things to accomplish it. You felt motivated. You were willing to take action. What was it? And then

put yourself back in that place and ask yourself, what was I feeling? What was I thinking? What was the spark that kept that willingness, that motivation going? What is it that compelled me to take action after action, even when things got tough. Go back there so that you can recapture that. And think about now, is there something in your life that you want to accomplish right now? And try to see if you can map that past situation to your current situation. What is it that you think you would need to feel and think and believe to feel compelled to take action, to feel willing to move forward, to feel willing to do what it takes when it gets tough. So why would you need to feel and think and believe? And then finally, what are some areas where you can

cultivate more willingness in your life? So you have to make a tough decision, you're facing uncomfortable truth, or maybe you need to set a boundary. And know that the willingness to dig in and know and your willingness to show up and do the work and protect your well-being is what will make this year truly a flourishing one for you. So my friends, tap into the power of willingness and let me know how that works for you. and there you have it thank you so much for joining me today if you enjoyed this episode please share it with friends and fellow musicians grab a screenshot share it on social media and tag me i'm mind over finger on all platforms and i would love to hear what your favorite takeaways

were. Don't forget to follow the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. And if you're enjoying and learning from the show, leaving a five-star review is a wonderful way to support us. You can also watch the Mind Over Finger podcast on YouTube. And if you have questions, comments about the podcast or ideas for guests and topics, drop them in the comment section there on YouTube. I do read all of them. For more tools, tips, and inspiration, click the link in the show notes to subscribe to my newsletter and get everything delivered straight to your inbox. Finally, if you're looking for more resources or personal support to enhance your playing, advance your career, or create a more fulfilling and purposeful life, head over to mindoverfinger.com. You're going to

find a substantial library of free downloads, links to my online courses, and information on how to work with me, whether in a group setting inside my amazing Music Mastery Experience program or through private one-on-one coaching. I'm here for you. Until next time, much love going your way and à bientôt! Thank you.