The Mind Over Finger Podcast - 253 Your Pep Talk for When Things Feel Heavy - A reminder for musicians navigating comparison, doubt, and the ups and downs of growth

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

You walk out of a rehearsal replaying every mistake. You sit down to practice and the voice in your head says, it should be better by now. You open Instagram and somehow everyone else seems more confident, more established, further along. This episode is for that moment. Renée shares a short, honest pep talk for musicians navigating doubt and the uncomfortable gap between where they are and where they wish they were. What you'll take away: ·         Why accepting where you are is not the same as giving up and how that distinction changes everything about how you move forward ·         The arrival fallacy: why telling yourself "I'll feel better when I reach that level" is a trap that keeps postponing your peace indefinitely ·         A simple gratitude practice for when doubt shows up mid-practice not as a feel-good exercise, but as a way to literally retrain your brain's attention ·         How to receive difficult feelings without sinking into them, using the same returning-to-breath logic you already know from practice ·         Why the doubts will come back even after a good day and why that means nothing is broken ·         The one question worth asking yourself when your mind starts to spiral: what will I do with this next precious minute?   If you're ready to step on stage with confidence, perform at your best, and finally feel secure in your playing, let's talk! Book a free discovery call and let's create a plan to get you there. Are you ready to take your playing and career to the next level and create a life that feels purposeful and joyful? Let's connect and explore how personalized coaching can support your journey. Click here to schedule your free consultation, and let's start turning your goals into reality.   Book your FREE Music Mastery Experience Discovery call with Renée HERE Book your free consultation with Renée HERE Download the transcript from this episode HERE   Mind Over Finger Click www.mindoverfinger.com/coaching to book your free consultation with me. Visit MindOverFinger.com for my online courses as well as free resources on peak performance. Grab my free workshops and PDF downloads by going to www.mindoverfinger.com/resources. Connect: https://www.youtube.com/@MindOverFinger https://www.facebook.com/mindoverfinger/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/mindoverfinger https://www.instagram.com/mindoverfinger/     THANK YOU: Most sincere thank you to composer Jim Stephenson who graciously provided the show's musical theme:  Concerto #1 for Trumpet and Chamber Orchestra – Movement 2: Allegro con Brio, performed by Jeffrey Work, trumpet, and the Lake Forest Symphony, conducted by Jim Stephenson.

You're listening to the Mind Over Finger podcast. This is episode 352. Welcome to the Mind Over Finger podcast, where we dive into the world of mindful music making, peak performance, and crafting a purpose-driven life and career. I'm your host, violinist, certified performance and life coach for musicians, and your guide to unlocking your full potential, Dr. René-Paul Gaultier. Hi everyone. Welcome back to the Mind Over Finger podcast. Today's episode is going to be a little different. A few weeks ago, I received a message from a client who was going through a difficult moment. The kind of moment many musicians know well. When you start questioning where you are on your journey. When you look around and it feels like

everyone else is further ahead. When the gap between where you are and where you wish you were starts to feel painful. And maybe you've experienced something like this. You walk out of a rehearsal and you replay every mistake in your mind. Or you sit down to practice and that voice in your head says, it should be better by now. Or you're scrolling through social media and suddenly everyone else seems more successful, more confident, more established. Or maybe you're simply tired. Tired of the ups and the downs. Tired of feeling like you should be further along. These moments are incredibly human. They happen to students. They happen to professionals, they happen to musicians at the very highest levels. I see it every day in the

coaching room. And when my client sent me that message, I replied with a voice memo, which I like to do. And afterward, I thought, maybe this is something more musicians need to hear. Maybe one person out there needs to hear this. So today I'm sharing a version of that message with you. So think of this episode as a pep talk in your pocket. Something you can come back to on the days when things feel heavy, when doubt creeps in, when the journey feels harder than expected. maybe you're having one of those days when doubt is loud maybe practicing is not going well maybe you simply need someone to remind you that what you're experiencing is normal that you're not alone on this journey and if that's where you are today this message is for you whatever you

might be going through right now, I want to share a few thoughts and things you can experiment with. And as you listen, I want you to imagine that I sent this voice memo directly to you. This is just for you. All right, you ready? Let's dive in. First, know this. All the feelings you're having are completely normal. Take a minute to tune in and check in. Ask yourself, how do I feel right now, physically, emotionally, mentally? And be with your body for a moment and allow your nervous system to regulate. Get yourself processed what's going on right now. When we pause and bring awareness to the body, we actually help shift the nervous system out of stress mode and back toward regulation. Even something as simple as slowing your breathing is going to signal to the

brain that you're safe. So ask yourself, what do I need right now? Maybe it's a deep breath. maybe it's a glass of water maybe it's a snack maybe stepping outside for a moment maybe doing a short meditation maybe deciding that later today you're going to take a walk or go to a yoga class

or maybe even watch a funny movie with a friend or with your partner so just listen for a moment and give your body and your heart a little bit of what they need and when you've slowed down and you're regulated look at where you are on your journey but with love Byron Katie says one of my favorite quotes when we fight reality we lose but only every time because we are where we are in wishing things were different depending on how we approach

that wish, can actually create more suffering. Now, this doesn't mean we're resigning ourselves and we're saying, well, this is where I am. I'm stuck. That's not what I'm suggesting. What I mean is this. This is where I am right now. and where can I find some peace with where I am in this moment so I can move forward and that is very important we can absolutely yearn to be elsewhere we can work towards something more. I hope you do. But the journey begins by accepting and loving where we are right now. You've worked so hard with all of the best intentions and you're doing great. And maybe it didn't play out exactly how you wanted. But what if this were the perfect place for what

you're building next. You've learned so much from all of the experiences you've been through that led you here. And with this knowledge, this insight, this experience, you can build so much. When you find peace with where you are, you tackle what's ahead with more determination and motivation. And that moment of peace can bring clarity. You see things more clearly. You reconnect with your purpose. You feel grounded again. But clarity will not mean that the doubts are going to disappear forever. Because the mind has habits. And those habits are going to come back. And these feelings are going to come and go. Sometimes we manage our mind well and we feel a little bit of ease in the pain. We feel more peace with where we are. And then 10 minutes later,

something happens and we feel that pinch again, that wish that things were different, that wish that we were further along that ache maybe yesterday your practice felt frustrating maybe a passage you thought was improving suddenly fell apart again maybe you listened to a recording and thought i should be further along by now and suddenly the doubt comes back now the work is to acknowledge these feelings receive them notice them and when you're ready gently guide yourself back to a more neutral place because when we fight these negative feelings we often create additional tension

so we receive and accept the feelings but that does not mean we have to sink into them you don't have to give in to them what often happens is that when the feeling comes back we think the problem is not solved here it is again but the truth is feelings i've just said it. They're going to come and they're going to go. And your work is a little bit like what we do in meditation. You bring your attention back to your breathing and then you get distracted and then you bring it back again and then you get distracted again and then you bring it back again over and over. That's the work. Another thing to remember is what we call the arrival fallacy. And it's this idea that if I ever play this way, then I will feel different. If I ever reach that

level, if I get that job, I will be happy. I will be fulfilled. But that does not work. Because if your peace always lives in the future, you're never going to actually get to experience it. You're going to keep postponing it to the next achievement, that next milestone, that next version of yourself. so learning to find moments of appreciation right here right now for where you are will allow you to keep moving forward without burning yourself along the way so this brings me to gratitude practice one thing you can experiment with when these feelings show up is encouraging yourself to find at least three things you're grateful for. So first you receive the feeling, you acknowledge it. You're entitled to feel this way. Why? Because you do. Sometimes

we tell ourselves we shouldn't feel disappointed. We shouldn't feel angry. We shouldn't feel upset. That's not true. You should feel exactly how you feel. But you also don't have to give in to those feelings. You can ask yourself, is this how I want to feel right now? If the answer is yes, that's absolutely your prerogative. But if you want to lighten the weight of those feelings so that you can continue your practice or your day, one of the most powerful tools is gratitude.

So while acknowledging the disappointment, and the pain, we also acknowledge what we do have. Find three things you're grateful for. Take a deep breath, sit with that gratitude for a moment and nurture it like a small amber, you know, that you gently blow on. so you tend to that amber carefully until a very small flame appears you don't need a huge fire you just need a little bit of light enough light to see the next step that's all you need and gratitude helps with that my gratitude practice is one of the things that helped me the most during one of the hardest periods of my life. It helped me feel appreciation

for life and gave me faith in the possibilities ahead. Gave me faith in happiness. It gave me faith in myself. It helped me reconnect with myself. And it doesn't have to be complicated. another of one of my favorite quotes is from Gretchen Rubin make it easy to do right and hard to go wrong go with anything that comes to mind it can be the big things thank you for my health thank you for the health of my family thank you for my friends thank you for the fact that I am safe right now or it could be the small things thank you for coffee thank you for this sunset it. Thank you for this great sandwich I'm about to eat. You can even feel gratitude for the things you envision in your future. Thank you for amazing performing opportunities. Thank you for my dream

job. And before you know it, you start to see so many things to be grateful for. And there's actually science behind why this works. When we practice gratitude, the brain begins to shift its attention toward what is working instead of what is missing. So over time, this helps calm the stress response and it's going to strengthen the neural pathways linked to positive emotion and resilience. So it's not just a nice idea. It's literally training your brain to notice more support, more possibility. And when you feel this way, guess what happens? You start to take actions that lead you to this reality. so gratitude can be incredibly powerful in moments of doubt

and there's another idea that might be even more important and it's understanding how precious life is i'm gonna get a little philosophical here so bear with me but this is a reminder that so many of us need daily life is incredibly precious and incredibly precarious. Anything can happen at any moment. We're so lucky to experience each moment. Yet we create so much suffering for ourselves with doubt, with comparison.

Life is short. It moves quickly. So what do we owe ourselves? while we owe ourselves unconditional love, unconditional acceptance, unconditional approval, approval for who we are, approval for how much we try, approval for how much we care,

even when things are not exactly where we want them to be. Every breath is precious. So sometimes when I catch myself thinking someone is better than me, and that happens a lot, I stop and I remember, this is a precious moment. I'm alive. I'm here. What will I do with the next breath? What thoughts will I spend my energy on in the next minute? So we acknowledge the pain, the disappointment, the frustration, but we don't wallow in it. Acknowledging pain is human. Wallowing keeps us stuck. So when you notice yourself slipping into that place, gently guide yourself back. not like a harsh teacher but more like someone who sees a person suffering and gives them a warm

embrace give yourself a nice warm loving embrace of acceptance and understanding bring yourself back with kindness you are both the person experiencing the pain and the compassionate observer who comes to comfort them. Say the gratitudes out loud. Write them down. Think them quietly. Maybe place a hand on your heart. Breathe in deeply and feel gratitude in your body.

And remember how lucky you are to experience this life. Remember that the ups and downs are normal. even if you bring yourself back to a neutral place something is going to trigger those negative feelings again that's normal those neural pathways have been reinforced for years they're strong they're like a concrete path but if you stop walking that path long enough nature slowly begins to grow over it. It just takes time. So give yourself time. Give yourself the gift of time. When the thoughts appear, notice them, receive them with compassion and understanding, and ask yourself, what will I do with this next precious minute?

I watched a movie, Nyad, a couple years ago or a year ago, and there's a line inspired by a poem by Mary Oliver that really struck with me. And that line asks, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? So ask yourself, What it is I plan to do. What it is I want to do with my one wild and precious life. And before I let you go, I want you to know something. You're doing really, really well. You're progressing.

You're on the journey. You're asking difficult questions instead of sweeping them under the rug. You're looking for answers. You try new things. You're pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I see that. I want to acknowledge it. I want you to know that I'm proud of you.

You're doing the work. And you're amazing. So this is what I have for you today. If you needed to hear it, I hope it felt like a small moment of support. maybe a warm hug from me to you and I hope it was a reminder that the ups and downs of this journey are normal that even highly accomplished musicians go through these exact same thoughts and that there are tools we can use to come back to steadiness when the mind starts spiraling so before you move on with your day take a moment check in with yourself

How am I doing? What do I need right now? Name one thing you're grateful for and ask yourself, what will I do with the next precious minute? And if you find yourself in one of those moments right now, consider this your pep talk in your pocket. And if you'd like your pep talk in written format, you can grab the transcript by clicking the link in the show notes. If you feel like you could benefit from deeper support navigating that mental side of your musical life, I would love to help. You can book a free discovery call with me through the link in the show notes. On the call, we're going to talk about where you are, what you're facing, and we'll see how I might support you moving forward. So thank you for being

here. And remember, you're doing better than you think. And the journey you're on is worth it. I'll see you next time on the podcast. And there you have it. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If you enjoyed this episode, I'd love it if you'd share with your friends and colleagues. Take a screenshot, post it on social media, and tag me. I'm mind over finger everywhere. I always love hearing your favorite takeaways. And if you're ready to take your playing career to the next level,

I'd love to invite you to join the Music Mastery Experience. This is my signature group coaching program where we're going to dive deep into building your confidence and mastery and set you up for success and fulfillment in your life and career. You can find all the details at mindoverfinger.com. While you're there, check out the free downloads and online courses available to support your journey even further. And don't forget to subscribe to my newsletter

so you never miss an update or a tool to help you thrive. Again, thank you for being here. Until next time, much love and à bientôt. © transcript Emily Beynon