The Mindset Mentor - 2 Steps to Master Your Emotions

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

In this episode, I will give you a simple two-step process to mastering your emotions.   Want to master your mindset? Every Monday I send out an email with mindset tips for the week, click here to r...eceive that email: http://mondayemail.com/ Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you listen to this podcast, you love this podcast, and you want some more of me inside of your phone, I actually have an Instagram account and a TikTok account. I don't normally talk with a TikTok account too often. So if you want to follow me on TikTok, it is at Rob Dial. We have about 30 something thousand people that already follow me on there. But if you want a little extra motivation and mindset stuff inside of your phone, go ahead and follow me there. Today, I'm going to be teaching you a two-step process to mastering your
Starting point is 00:00:45 emotions. Now before we dive in and actually give it to you, let me actually explain to you why I'm talking about this and what I tend to see from other people in the world and people I've coached throughout the years. I have found that a lot of people do not understand or know where their emotions come from. So they don't know where their emotions come from. They don't know where their triggers come from. And it seems like they just kind of pop up. They're there. And then they're like, oh shit, how do I deal with my emotions? Why am I so emotional right now? Why am I crying so much? Why do I feel like I want to
Starting point is 00:01:18 punch somebody in the face? Why do I, why am I, why have such a short fuse, such a short trigger? the face? Why do I, why am I, why have such a short fuse, such a short trigger? And, you know, when we're there and we're in that place, we try to figure out how to deal with them. And we're like, I don't know what I'm doing. This doesn't feel good. I'm, I'm really pissed off. I don't know why I'm so pissed off. And that is not the right time to try to understand and to work through your emotions. And the reason why is because when your emotions are high, your logic is low. When your emotions are very high, it actually turns off a part of your brain called the prefrontal cortex, which is actually the thinking and processing part of your brain. So if you've ever been in a fight before with your significant other, for instance, and maybe you say something that after a little while, you're like, I probably shouldn't have
Starting point is 00:02:03 said that. That wasn't the best idea. Why was that that you said that? Because your emotions were high. The front of your brain was turned off. Your logic was low and you just laid into them or just said exactly what you wanted to do versus taking some time to think about it. So most people don't know where they come from. That's what I'm going to try to help you with today. I'm going to try to teach you to not only have better control and mastery over your emotions, but I'm'm going to try to teach you to not only have better control and mastery over your emotions, but I'm also going to try to help you better understand your emotions. Because if you can understand them and you can understand where they come from and what the triggers are behind them, you can start to work through them much better. So the first thing,
Starting point is 00:02:40 the first part of mastering your emotions is to stop trying to control your emotions. Now, you might be like, wait, what? I thought you're going to teach us how to master them. I thought you're going to teach us how to control them. Yes, I will. But I'm going to teach you how to control your emotions without even actually trying to control your emotions. I'm going to teach you a process to go through so that when your emotions come up,
Starting point is 00:03:04 you know how to work through them. You know what it is that you're doing and you know what it is that you're going through and you can take a step back and actually start to work through them because your emotions are not just random. Your emotions are there for some sort of reason. What your job is to do is to figure out what that reason is. So the first thing we need to do is when we feel emotions is to stop trying to control them. The first thing you need to do is to let your emotions run through in some sort of safe space. You need to let your emotions flow out of you. You need to process and let go of all emotions that come up. Why is that? Because emotions at its simplest form is really just energy stuck inside of the body
Starting point is 00:03:46 that needs to come out of the body. The problem is we live in a day and age where when people cry, they feel like they have to say sorry about crying. When people get angry, they feel like they have to say sorry about it. There's too many people that have too much emotions that is pent up inside of them. They have never let themselves process and it usually comes out in a really bad way. So not letting your emotions come out is basically like emotional constipation. Constipation is not a huge deal until you've been holding it for way too long and then it becomes a very serious deal. So too many people, they feel an emotion come up, They feel rage come up. They feel anger come up. They feel sadness come up and they just push it down and they push it down and
Starting point is 00:04:30 they push it down. That's the worst thing that you could do. The best thing that you could do is allow yourself to process and run through your emotions in a safe space, preferably nobody else around. So therefore, if you do decide to punch the air or scream or do whatever it is that you have to do, no one's going to get hit with a fist, right? So you have to realize that too many people try to not have emotions. And what I want you to realize about your emotions is if you're trying to restrict all of your what we would call lower end emotions, quote unquote, lower end emotions, you're going to also restrict your higher end emotions. If you're going to try to restrict your anger, your sadness, whatever it
Starting point is 00:05:11 might be, you're also going to, you can't do one thing without the other thing. You're also going to restrict the higher end emotions, the joy, the happiness, the love, the peace. And so what you have to do as a human is allow yourself to go through emotions as they come up, you know, because if you look at it the same way I was just talking about, if you look at it like emotional constipation and you hold it and you hold it and you hold it and you hold it, it becomes serious when you hold it too long. And that becomes energy that is stuck inside of the body. Emotions are energy in the body that need to be released. You need to figure out a way to release them in a very safe manner, of course, for yourself and for others. And you need to figure out as an adult what that means for you. What does processing your emotions, what is working through, what is allowing the energy to come out of you look like? For some
Starting point is 00:06:04 of you listening, it might be just letting the floodgates open and just crying uncontrollably. For some of you, it might be getting a pillow and smacking it against the bed until you can no longer do it. It might mean for some of you that you go in and take a shower and you scream at the top of your lungs as long as you possibly can until you lose your voice. The right way to release this energy inside of your body is completely your decision. But the most important thing, before I give you step two, the most important thing is to stop holding on to those emotions and to learn to be able to let go of them, to stop thinking that there's something wrong with having emotion, to stop thinking that you need to be a robot and you need to restrict all of your lower emotions and you can only feel pretty good to amazing, right? Too many people, I'm just going to say it as I feel like a great analogy
Starting point is 00:06:56 would be, too many people are emotionally constipated and they can't hold it anymore. And then they have an emotional diarrhea all over someone one day, right? A beautiful analogy, I know. But this is the way you want to think about it, where if you hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it too long, eventually it's going to come out. And usually when it comes out, it's not the way that you want it to come out, right? So you've got to ask yourself, take a step back and think about your emotions and think about everything that you've been feeling the past 30 days, the last time that you really had an emotional breakdown or release. And ask yourself, what do I need to do to start allowing myself to safely process my emotions?
Starting point is 00:07:37 Think about that question for a second. What do you need to do as a grown adult to safely process your emotions? And to you, what does that mean? What does safely processing your emotions actually mean to you? Because what it means to you could mean something completely different to somebody else. So that's the first thing. First step to mastering your emotions and controlling your emotions is to stop trying to control them. I'll teach you about that. We'll come back around. This is going to be a perfect circle. It's a circle. We're going to come back around and I'm going to teach you exactly what that means in a second. This podcast is brought to you by Manscaped. And Manscaped would like to introduce you to their best and biggest ultimate hygiene bundle yet,
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Starting point is 00:09:29 It's time that you enjoyed the finer things in life and get yourself the platinum package for your platinum package. The second thing that you want to do is to start to become curious about these emotions. Too many people, we don't want to feel those emotions. We don't want to think about those emotions. And so we tuck them away and don't think about them. We tuck them away and don't think about them. We tuck them away and don't think about them. Because usually,
Starting point is 00:09:50 some sort of emotion that is an extremely strong emotion, whether that's sadness, whether that's anger, whether that's frustration, whatever it might be, is usually attached to some sort of trigger. And that trigger is usually attached to some form of trauma from something that happened to you in the past at one point in time. Trigger is usually attached to some form of trauma from something that happened to you in the past at one point in time. So after you have fully processed, you've let the emotion out, you've let it run its course, after you're done, because once again, when emotion is high, logic is low, so you don't want to try to figure it out while you're doing it, grab a pen and paper.
Starting point is 00:10:23 And then you ask yourself, what the hell just happened? Like, why did I feel that way? Why did I, why did that come up? Why did I react that way? What was it that happened to me that triggered me? And why was I triggered by it? What was my reaction to that trigger? Because think about this for a second. Let's think of the last time that you were extremely pissed off or extremely sad. You could look at it and you could see, hey, if you were to place somebody else who is completely different than you, and they were to go through the exact same life event that you just went through when that anger or frustration or sadness came up, would they have reacted in the exact same way? And I guarantee the answer to that is no. There is someone out
Starting point is 00:11:13 there in the world who would have not reacted the same way that you did, which shows you that it's not the actual event that is something we need to work through. It is our reaction to that event. If we're going to be an adult, we need to take full control of our own actions. And so when you look at that and be like, okay, why did I get that way? Become curious about why you got so triggered in the first place. One of my favorite quotes, if you've been listening to the podcast for long, and if you've heard me say it over and over again, Eleanor Roosevelt says, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. And so if you can think about the last time that someone made you feel bad, if someone made you feel like you were inferior when someone ended up pissing you off or making you sad or whatever it
Starting point is 00:11:56 was, you have to realize you consented to feeling that way. Now, it might've been a brief second, just a quick glimpse. That was it. Just boom. You had that choice. Now, it might've been a brief second, just a quick glimpse. That was it. Just boom. You had that choice. It was your choice to react that way. And if you want to take, if you want to step into self-mastery, you have to step into the point. I said this on an episode last week or two, was you have to take full ownership for everything in your life. And so if somebody does something to you and you react, that is not their fault. It is our reaction that we need to start paying attention to. And so what you got to do is you got to start being curious about it. Why did I react that way? Because it had nothing to do with the event. It had all to do with our reaction. And what happens
Starting point is 00:12:42 is you start to learn about your triggers. You start to learn about your emotions and you start to learn about your connection to them and where they came from. So you might say, oh, the last time I was really sad was when the person I was in a relationship with did X, Y, Z. Well, was it that exact thing that made you feel that way? Or was it that maybe it reminded you of a past event from the past of another relationship or maybe a relationship with your parents where you felt like you were betrayed or you felt like you weren't loved in the way that you wanted to and you realize that it wasn't that event that was the issue. It was unsolved trauma that was somewhere in your past that was the actual issue.
Starting point is 00:13:20 And over time, when you start to work through these emotions, you start to do these and journal through them and work through them, over time, not right away, over time, when you start to work through these emotions, you start to do these and journal through them and work through them, over time, not right away, over time, they have less and less and less control over you. You're able to kind of see them coming before they get to you and be able to start to work through them and shift the way that you need to. You're able to, instead of just being hit with an emotion, you're able to see, it's kind of like seeing it come from off in the distance. You're like, um, here it is. I know I've gone through this before. I've know I've gone, I've know I've been triggered in this way before. I'm starting to feel a little bit triggered. What is the best thing for me to do to react right now?
Starting point is 00:13:59 And you make the decision once again and figure out what is the best way for you to react. And what happens is over time, you start to notice patterns in yourself. You start to notice traits and things that you can start to see that emotion coming off from the distance. And you start to see it because you've started to actually work through your emotions. And you start to become a master of your emotions. And over time, once again, they have less and less and less control over you. And then what happens is one day, it might not be next week, it might not be next year, it might not be five years, it might be 10 years from today. You wake up, you go through the exact
Starting point is 00:14:37 type of event and you notice that there's a moment where you would have been triggered in the past, but you're not and you don't react the same way. And you start to realize that the way that you control and master your emotions is not by trying to control them in the first place. It's from step one, allowing all the emotional constipation to come out, letting it come out in a safe space, whatever that means to you. And number two, getting, this is the most important part, getting very, very curious about them. Why did I react that way? Why do I feel this way? Does this remind me of some event that happened to me in my past that maybe I haven't fully worked through? Oh, yeah, it reminds me of that one person that cheated on me seven years ago, and I didn't
Starting point is 00:15:20 fully work through it. And now you can go back and actually start to process your emotions. This is what you should do as an adult. The problem is this isn't taught to us in school. This isn't taught to us anywhere. You know, if you go to a psychologist or psychiatrist, they might teach you how to start working through these things. But this is where you can actually start to step into the driver's seat of your life and say, hey, I want to master my emotions. I want to feel the lowest of lows so that I can feel the highest of highs. I don't want to feel the lowest of lows so I can feel the highest of highs I don't want to block down the lows because I know I'm also blocking out the highs and if you start to allow yourself to process the emotions and you start to work through the emotions and you start to get
Starting point is 00:15:54 curious about the emotions and you work through them over time and time and time and time again eventually you'll wake up one day and you realize what used to trigger you in the past you have no reaction to and at that point to trigger you in the past, you have no reaction to. And at that point in time, you've actually realized that you have become somebody who has stepped into the driver's seat of their emotions. And now you have mastered and started to control your emotions as the most enlightened being of yourself. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.
Starting point is 00:16:20 If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I always love to see you guys tag me in and stuff like that. I look through pretty much all of my messages and my message requests. I can't get back to everybody. I apologize because I get tons and tons of messages. So anytime you guys share it or you guys send me messages, I always check them. So I greatly appreciate you for that. That's the easiest way to get in contact with me, which is Instagram at RobDyleJr. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode.
Starting point is 00:16:49 Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

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