The Mindset Mentor - 3 Questions to Find Your Truest Self

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Gile. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. If you're out there and you love this podcast, please do us a favor. Give us a rating and review, however you listen to us, whether that's Apple Podcasts, whether that's Spotify. The reason why is because the more positive rating and review, however you listen to us, whether that's Apple Podcasts, whether that's Spotify. Reason why is because the more positive rating and reviews we get, the more that those platforms show this podcast to people who have never listened to it before. So it's a way for you to be able to pay it forward by allowing more people who have never seen it before, have never heard it before, to possibly be able to find it.

And it'd be really nice to give us a rating and review. So if you do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about three questions to reprogram your mind so that you can start living your truest self. And I say the words reprogrammed or the word reprogrammed very intentionally because we are programmed as children. We're programmed whether we realize it or whether we're not. And it's not like when I say this, it's not like your parents are behind the scenes and they're evil programmers and they're programming this child to be exactly as they want. They're basically doing it unintentionally. And when I say programmed, if you think of like a program, like a computer

programmer, they're literally sitting there and they're typing the program in so the program runs exactly the way that they want it to. That is kind of how we are brought up in this world. From zero to seven years old, our brain is the most plastic. It is so ridiculously able to bend and mold and change depending on what it sees, what it hears, and what it's told. You know, and what we are is to be able to fit in with society. We're taught what to do. A few episodes ago, I said it, we are domesticated, right? So

we are taught what to do. But even more than what we're taught, we see what we're supposed to do more than anything else. We observe, and then we take that on. We observe, and then we take that on. We observe and then we take that on. And these develop what we call our core beliefs. Now, here's the thing. Just because you have a belief of something does not mean that that something is true. So you can have completely different beliefs than I do, than your neighbor does, than your other neighbor does. And we develop our core beliefs. Beliefs are not true. Beliefs can be changed. So the things that we're taught of how we're supposed to act and the things that we see our parents and we see our family and we see everybody else around us doing develop who we are. And that develops our core

beliefs. That's all fine and dandy, but then it develops a problem. The problem is this. As we get older, we wonder why we feel a little bit odd in our body. We wonder why we feel it ends with ourself. Like what I mean by it ends with ourself is on one side, we can be like, I want to lose weight. I want to go to the gym. I want to get fit. And on the other side, we're like, I don't want to get my ass off the couch. There's nothing I want to do here. Or we could want to build a really successful business and make something amazing. But on the other side, we're like, I'm going to fail. I'm going to fail. I'm going to fail. And we think we're going to fail so much. We don't do anything. And so we can

literally be at two completely different ends. And it's like the conscious mind, which is only 5% of your brain, 5% of your thoughts can consciously want to build a successful business. of your thoughts can consciously want to build a successful business. But the other 95%, which is your subconscious, which means under the conscious, that 95% is like, no, no, no, no, no. Your dad had a failed business. Your dad worked, you know, your uncle worked so many hours that it got him into a divorce because he was never at home. And that's the subconscious program that's playing in the background that we usually don't pay a whole lot of attention to. And if you do 5% compared to 95%, that means that your subconscious thoughts are 19 times stronger than your conscious ones. And so we don't know why we feel so weird, but there's a part of us that's like, I feel like there's two parts of me, two

parts of me that are battling. It's kind of like, if you remember, you see it in movies or you see it in, you know, when we were kids, we used to see it all if you remember, you see it in movies or you see it in, you know, when we were kids, we used to see it all of the time, I feel like in cartoons, whereas like the cartoon and on one side, they'd have the angel on their shoulder. Then the other side, they'd have the devil on their shoulder and they both be whispering into their ears. That's kind of like your conscious and your subconscious. You can feel completely at ends with yourself. And we can feel like, man, you know what? I think there might be something wrong with me. I don't know about you. I felt like there's something wrong. I feel like there's always something wrong with me, right? I'm just like, I'm a weirdo. Where the hell did that thought

come from? And it just pops up in my head. I'm like, that wasn't my thought. Whose thought was that? That's kind of weird. So we feel like we're weirdos. We feel like there's something wrong with us. And at times what happens is we can be holding onto baggage and beliefs that aren't even ours. None. Like a lot of them cannot be ours. We're literally holding onto beliefs and trying to prop up a belief that isn't ours, but it was taught to us at a young age. And we're still trying to prop it up, but it's like we're getting weaker and weaker propping it because it's starting to lose its value. We're starting to not see it as much anymore. And so we're holding onto baggage and beliefs that aren't even ours. And a lot of times, these are your

parents' baggage and their beliefs, which was their parents' baggage and beliefs. And so it's generational trauma just passed on over and over and over and over again. And so we feel a lot of times like that's not truly us, but who the hell am I then? And we're basically living somebody else's life. We're not living our truth. We're living the truth that was taught to us by our parents or that we saw in society, in our family when we were growing up. We're not living our truth, we're living someone else's truth. And so our parents tell us what we should do, who you should marry, when you should marry, what you should go study in school, what job you should take, what you should do based off of the things that they had earlier in life.

And, you know, like one of the biggest things that you could see is that college enrollment continues to go down and down and down. I think it said it's third year in a row where college enrollment is actually declining. Well, people are starting to wake up to the fact that most college is not actually worth it. But that's really hard because a lot of our parents were raised where college had a great ROI. You go to college, you go into a little bit of debt. And with that little bit of debt, you can eventually pay it off pretty soon. And you can get a much better job by going to college. Now, college is so ridiculously expensive. I think I saw that statistically, college has gone up 1,200%. It's either 1,200% or 12,000%. Don't quote me on it.

But I think it was 1,200% what it was in the past 20 years. But the actual pavement that people get, the actual salary only went up like 276%. That's a big delta. That's a big difference. And so what used to be easy to pay off is now pretty much impossible to pay off. And people are looking and going, there's no ROI. But parents still think that there is ROI. So they push that under their children.

You need to go to college. You need to go to college. Go into debt. You'll pay it off. Go into debt. You'll pay it off. Well, it used to be easier to pay off. Now some people will never pay off their college debt.

And so you start to actually take on what your parents' belief is, which could be college is worth it, when in reality it might or might not be now. But that could be one of their beliefs based off of things that happened to them in their childhood that now they're trying to pass on to you. And we start to realize that we're living the life that society wants us to live. You get a job because of money, not because of passion. Think about that one for a second. money, not because of passion. Think about that one for a second. Do you have a job specifically because of money and not because of passion? Most people do. Hey, you ever had to wear an uncomfortable work uniform? I know I used to at some of the jobs I had, and it really affected how I felt throughout the day. So don't just slap your logo on any old uniform. Create an extension

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above and beyond. Get email, chat, and phone support from customer service team eager to help. And everyone is treated like a VIP, whether you have five employees or 500. So see why thousands of companies count on Land's End business. Go to business.landsend.com slash dial and use a promo code dial for 25% off your first product. That's business.landsend.com slash dial and use a promo code dial for 25% off your first product. That's business.landsend.com slash dial promo code dial for 25% off your first product. So let's dive into the core beliefs. Where do we get them from? Well, we do get them from our parents, but our parents didn't most likely do it to try to screw us over. They tried to make us the best they possibly could. All of your parents, no matter who you are, what they did, they did the best they could with what

they had. No matter how good they were, no matter how screwed up they were, they did the best they could. It's your job to, you know, that was the cards that we were all dealt. It's our job just to work through it. So parents, we get it from our parents. We get our core beliefs from our parents. We get our core beliefs from our family. It could be your brothers, sisters. It could be your aunts, uncles, grandparents, depending on how much time you spent with them. You could get it from your teachers. You can get your core beliefs from your religion. And what we think about ourselves and what we think about the world around us is usually coming from other people, usually coming from our parents, from our teachers, from our family, from our religion. And what's crazy about it is that psychologists have found that 70 to 80% of your core beliefs, of a person's core beliefs, 70 to 80% of them

are actually negative. Take that one in for a second. 70 to 80% of a human's core beliefs are negative. We have these core beliefs like, I'm not good enough. I don't deserve love. I'm not smart enough. The world is dangerous. People cannot be trusted. Don't start a business because you'll fail like your father. You'll never amount to anything. I'm worthless. Money doesn't grow on trees. And it's just negative, negative, negative core beliefs. And we take those core beliefs that are programmed into us, which once again is just like baggage and beliefs. And we try to take them on as our own because we think that that is actual, instead of a belief, we perceive it as a child, as absolute truth. But it's not absolute truth. It's a belief and a belief can

be changed. So they persist, they persist, they persist because it is programmed into us as a child because we're like a sponge with no questioning. And you know, the thing about it that's really sad too is that children, that's why, you know, you could see a parents get divorced and the children think it's their fault is because children think children are narcissistic. That's just the way that it goes. We think when we're children that everything happens because of us. So you could have an abusive parent and you don't think what's wrong with them. You don't think what's wrong with my mom, but you have an abusive parent and you think what's wrong with me. And it doesn't have to be physically. It could be emotionally. It could be sexually. It could be all kinds of different emotional damage or all different

kinds of damage that we could have and abuse that we can have from that parent. And we don't think what's wrong with them. We think what's wrong with me. We can think we're just being ourselves. We're having fun, playing with our toys. And your dad had a really bad day and he goes off on you while you're having fun and being your truest self. And you think, what's wrong with me? Not that dad might've had a shitty day at work, but what's wrong with me? It's my fault. I'm doing something wrong. You know, you can have, your mother can be a very anxious person. I have a friend whose mother fears everything, the world. Everything is to be feared. And her and her siblings, at least when I first met them, are terrified. We're terrified of many different things. And it was fears, fears, fears, fears, fears, fears, fears. Well, her mother got it from

her grandmother. So her mother got it from her mother, which is my friend's grandmother. And it's just passed on, passed on. They watch the news, they immediately call and like, did you see that X, Y, Z happened? And it's like bad news, bad news, bad news. I get messages all of the time from people who are like, my mom calls me every single time something negative happens. She texts me, lets me know this. So your mother could be anxious, could be filled with worry. And what happens is the child then grows up scared of the world. They grow up scared. They grow up thinking that nothing can be trusted, that there's something bad that's always going to happen. They grow up with much more fear than they need to.

That is programmed into them, not because their mother didn't love them or because she was trying to screw them over. The mother was actually disguising her worry as love. The mother was disguising her fear as love. And so, you know, what that turns into, and I hear this all the time is my mom calls me every single day, every single day, every single day. She wants to track, she wants to see what I'm doing. You know, there's some people that I've met friends that they're like, yeah, you know, I have that life 360 app on my phone. So my mom knows where I am at all points in time. I'm like, you're 37 years old. Why does she need to know where you are? Why does she need to know every single thing? It's the worry in her mind. And they're like,

oh, it's just easier just to appease her and have it on. It's like, well, that's a form of enablement. So that can be passed on. And then you find out that the people who have mothers like that, or, you know, even fathers like that too, not just mothers, but I see it for mothers quite often, is their children end up being a lot more worried, a lot more fearful, a lot harder to take action because there is an aspect of being afraid of being afraid of the world, of being afraid of screwing up, being afraid of messing things up. And so the mother accidentally takes their worry and their fears, their anxiety, and places it on top of the child and the child grows up that way. And so they grow up and they subconsciously repeat the same things

over and over and over and over again. It's just programming. So my question to you, and I want you to think about this. I said I was going to give you three questions. This isn't one of them. This is a question, but it's not the questions. It's where do you feel stuck in your life? Where do you feel stuck? Do you feel stuck in relationships? Do you feel stuck in your business? Do you feel stuck in your fitness? Do you feel stuck in your happiness, your joy? Where do you feel stuck in your life? Where do you feel stuck? And before I give you these questions, another question I ask you is, so like, where do you feel stuck? And then what core beliefs could have been built into you as a child, consciously and unconsciously? And what do you want them to be? Plan them. And so here's the three questions that I want you to go through. So when you identify, you know,

I feel stuck in my relationships. Why do I still feel stuck in my relationships? You start to go through it. And you notice, I feel stuck in my relationships because I feel like men can't be trusted. That could be something, right? And then you ask yourself, these are the three questions to kind of start to work through and reprogram your beliefs, not somebody else's beliefs into you. Question number one is, where did I learn this? So if I think men can't be trusted, where did I learn this? Well, maybe when your parents are getting divorced, you remember your mom talking trash about your dad and the woman that he was with and how could he do this

and all this stuff. And you started thinking, men can't be trusted. Men can't be trusted. Men can't be trusted. That's possible. Heard it many times. So first question is, where did I learn this? The second question to start to decide if it's something that you want to carry with you is what is my truth? What is my truth? My truth is that I actually don't think that men can be trusted. Okay, well, then that is your truth. Or my actual truth is I do think that men can be trusted. Maybe that's yours. I don't know what it is. It's up for you. I'm not telling you what's right. I'm not telling you what's wrong. Completely up to you. So where did I learn this? What is my truth? And then what do I choose to believe? So I found out where I learned it. I find out my truth. And then I'm going to ask myself from this moment forward, I'm going to ask myself, what do I choose to believe? So maybe

it is that, you know, you got it from your mom. Men are cheaters. Men can't be trusted. What is my belief? My belief is that they can be trusted. I don't want to live the majority of my life thinking that. What do I choose to believe? I choose to believe that men can be trusted. And you can go through all aspects of your life. You can go through your religion. You can go through your money.

You can go through your relationships. You can go through your career. You can go through your family. You can go through all aspects of this and start to really start to figure out, number one, who you truly are. And number two, start to reprogram yourself based off of what you choose to believe. And if you find a place where, you know, your core beliefs don't line up with your truth, make a plan to get past that. It's not going to go away like that. You're not going to draw through and it's going to be like, oh my God, my core belief is gone. It's going to pop up. You're going to notice

it. It's going to pop. You're going to see it. But when it does, have a plan for when it does pop up. You notice yourself falling into that pit of somebody else's core belief of how you're going to get yourself out of it. So once again, the three questions are number one, where did I learn this? Number two, is that my truth or what is my truth? And number three, what do I choose to believe? And that is how you reprogram your mind and take control of your life. So that's all I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode,

please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. You can also follow me there. I think we have over like 420,000 people that follow me on Instagram. And then we also have a Facebook, Instagram page specifically for this podcast called The Mindset Mentor Podcast. So if you want some extra things that we've never released before, some clips from this podcast to fill your newsfeed, go ahead and follow The Mindset

Mentor Podcast on Instagram. And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.