The Mindset Mentor - 3 Steps to Live Fearlessly

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial, and today we're going to be talking about how to live fearlessly. Think about that for a second. What would your life be like if you didn't have any fears? What would it be like? Think about that. Because what you have to realize is this, a human is only born with two fears. So anything that is not one of these two fears is something that you have learned or made up along the way. Fear number one is a fear of loud noises. That is an innate fear inside of a human. Fear number two is the fear of falling. So if there's a loud noise or if a baby hears, you know, if a baby hears a loud noise, it'll scare them and they'll startle and start to cry.

Starting point is 00:00:49 That's a fear that they have. It's based inside of their body. It's in there. Then there's also, if you think about it, fear of falling. If there's a falling motion, a baby thinks that they're going to fall. That's, you know, baked inside of them. So anything else besides the fear of loud noises or the fear of falling that's holding you back from creating the life that you want to is complete BS. It doesn't actually exist. It is a intellectual fear as we like to call it. I had a really good friend that went down and lived in Brazil with a native Brazilian tribe. And I mean like literally native Brazilian tribe. He lived in a teepee. He had to sleep with a machete just in case a puma or a jaguar happened to walk inside of their tent in order to eat. They would go out and pick berries and eat. They would hunt down anacondas, like literal, actual living in the

Starting point is 00:01:37 jungle, legitimate jungle with people that had been there for thousands of years. And we were talking about this and he said, what I really realized is that there's primal fears and there's intellectual fears. Primal fears, because when he said, when I was walking through the jungle and I had to have a machete, you know, hold onto a machete, because if a Jaguar happened to come out of the jungle, I'm pretty much screwed. And I was like, well, I bet you didn't think about, you know, not being, you know, smart enough or rich enough at that point in time, right? He's like, no, that's intellectual fears. A primal fear is actually being killed by something. Like death is attached to it. An intellectual fear is like, oh, you know, I hope Stacey in accounting doesn't

Starting point is 00:02:17 judge me for what I'm wearing today. I hope I don't get judged. I hope they don't laugh at me. I have this fear of public speaking. That's all intellectual fears because there's no death attached to them. So there's no real reason to actually have that fear. And you have to realize we're born with those two fears. Those are a defense mechanism. And the opposite of fear is courage. Courage is the feeling of fear. You feel it, but you do it anyway, which essentially is what we're trying to do. We're trying to build up our courage more than anything else. So unless there is no fear, you know, unless there's some fear that's attached to it. So say you have a fear, there's no such thing as being courageous. You're not being courageous unless there's some sort of fear that you're stepping into. Encourage is like a muscle. It's something that you can develop. So if you don't feel like you're courageous at this point,

Starting point is 00:03:04 it's not that you'll never be courageous. It's just something that you have to develop. You know, there's some people that will stand up and help and be there for everyone that's around them, but they won't stand up for themselves. Think about that for a second. Are you that type of person that will stand up for everyone around you?

Starting point is 00:03:21 You'll help everyone around you. You'll be there for everyone else, but you won't even be there for yourself. You know, there's a lot of women and, you know, I applaud mothers and everybody that's out there, but there's a lot of women that will jump on top of a man that's three times her size to get them away from her child, but she won't get off the couch for her to go and go to the gym and create the body that she wants. Think about that for a second. Think about that. A woman will jump on top of a man three times her size. There's no fear. There's just instinct,

Starting point is 00:03:51 but she won't get up and create the life that she wants. Same thing with the man. So you have to think about that. Are you the man or woman that will stand up for everyone else and help everyone else, but you won't stand up for yourself? So what are you afraid of? Take out a pen and paper, write it down, call it by name. Because everyone has a fear that they're not enough in some sort of way. I know that. We all have, you know, I'm not enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not rich enough. I'm not happy enough. I'm not fit enough. I'm not loved enough. I'm not worth enough. I will never be enough. And our fear is that if we don't get enough, if we're never enough,

Starting point is 00:04:26 then we won't be loved. And we all come up with some sort of story. Why, you know, your life is the way that it is. I am this way because of the fact that my parents were that way. I am this way because my relationships have turned me into this harder person. I am this way because of this. And I act this way because of this. And I, you know, react this way because my mother used to react that way. And it's just who I am now. No, that's your story. And it's your story that really destroys you. So you got to think about that. This is where fear starts beyond our basic fears. The intellectual fears start based off of our past. You know, the basic fears, like I said, loud noises and falling. But your fear starts, the intellectual fear starts

Starting point is 00:05:11 when you start thinking about, oh, you know, I am this way because of this and I'll never be loved and I'll never be worth anything. I'll never be pretty enough or smart enough or whatever it is. And you have to realize that the place that it really starts, just so you know, is there's a, just so you know, there's a thing called oxytocin. It's basically the cuddle chemical. It's a bliss hormone that is made inside of your brain. And a mother, whenever she gives birth, she gets a lot of oxytocin in her body. She has it for eight months, a year or something like that. And that's why mothers are so in love with their children, no what. Like we all know that we've seen a woman who's, you know, posted pictures of her baby on Instagram and her baby looks like a lizard. And she's more like, wow, she's really in love with that thing.

Starting point is 00:05:54 Because she has more oxytocin running in her brain. But the fear of that baby is when the oxytocin starts to wear off. And what happens when you're a baby, you can't do anything wrong. You can knock stuff off the table. You can, you know, whatever it is, and you won't get yelled at. And then what happens is at one point in time, it stops and it clicks. Your parents click. And it's like enough is enough. A baby can mess up over and over and over again. And then at some point, it's not enough anymore. You can't mess up. And immediately what happens? Boom. The first thought that comes into the child's head is my mother won't love me if I do this. My father won't love me if I do this.

Starting point is 00:06:36 And the average child, just so you know, is reprimanded eight times more than they're praised. The average child is reprimanded eight times more than they're encouraged because clearly the parent needs to socialize the child. And clearly they also want to make sure that they're safe. But that means that the child thinks that I'm not good enough in my own parents' eyes, my world. They think that eight times more than they think that they think that they are enough. And that's why they say that there's negative reinforcement, which is what you shouldn't do with your children. And there's positive reinforcement. There's ways to reinforce actions that you want them to do versus, you know, actions you don't want them to do. So, you know, having this fear of not being enough, not being loved, not being, you know, the core of not being enough is just, I won't be loved. And it comes from our

Starting point is 00:07:24 parents. Even if you have the best parents in the world, it's just the way that it works through socialization, through keeping them safe, whatever it is, it's just the way it works. And fear is just like the straight jacket that holds us in place. And we've been telling ourselves these stories over and over and over and over again of why we are the way that we are. We've been telling ourselves so much in so long that it's not just a story anymore. It's actually a belief. There's a guy who once said, tell a story big enough, loud enough, and long enough, and soon people will start to believe you. Do you know who that was? It was Hitler. start to believe you. Do you know who that was? It was Hitler. Some of us, most of us are like the Hitler of our own minds. You know, and it's, it's, it's, we can only see what we want to see. We can only see what we feel is the actual truth. And if we don't feel like we're good enough,

Starting point is 00:08:19 then we're not going to see any place where we're good enough. It's like, you've done this before. You're, I know we've all done it before in some sort of way, but you're, you're a child, you're sitting at the table and your mom's like, Hey, well you could get the salt. And you're like, mom, I'm in the middle of eating. Like, honey, just go get the salt, please. And you're like, mom, can I just eat? Like, go get the salt. Fine. Okay. Stomp on over. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You walk out over the pantry, you open it up. You're looking, you're like, mom, the salt's not here. She's like, it's right there. No mom, look, it's not here. It's not here. I don't see it anywhere. It's right there. It's on the second shelf. Literally. I know it's on the second shelf. You're like, mom, it's not here. And you don't

Starting point is 00:08:57 even see the salt. And then your mom comes over and the fricking salt is right in front of your face. Right? We've all had something like that happen in our life. We're literally, our belief that the salt is not there created the fact that we didn't even see the salt. Our belief deep down inside of us is that we're so not enough that we can't even see the places that we're enough. And we condition ourselves to think this way and to see the world this way. You have to think this.

Starting point is 00:09:25 You have to understand this. The story that you're telling yourself is the foundation built by the fears that you've been saying over and over and over and over again. Your story and your fears are your enemy of the life that you want. It's the thing holding you back. What's the way to overcome and to become fearless? You have to divorce your story that you've been telling yourself for so long and you have to divorce your fears that aren't even real. They are intellectual fears, not primal fears. It's like a relationship. If you're in a relationship where you're getting beaten down every single day, if it's terrible for you, you're going to need to leave that relationship.

Starting point is 00:10:10 And you have to realize you're beating yourself down every single day. The only way to change is to draw a line in the sand and say, enough is enough. I'm not going to do this anymore. If there's one way to get out of something, humans will figure it out. So whatever it is you need to do, figure it out. You have to burn the boats. You have to say that there is, I will no longer do this anymore. I will not talk to myself this way. I will not have this negative attitude. I will no longer, you know, be around people that are constantly talking down to me. Whatever it is, what can you do to overcome your fears and your story? That's what you need to figure out.

Starting point is 00:10:41 And most people base their fears and their story off of the past on what has happened to them in the past. But your past means absolutely nothing. Just because there's proof in your past that something has happened doesn't mean that it's going to happen again. Your difficult times don't define you. It's just a passing thing. Find what your fear is. Walk with your fear. Call out its name like Rumpelstiltskin and it vanishes. You know, I remember that there was one time I was, uh, it was about five years ago for about four years ago. Actually I was, uh, I had just started my business and I remember, you know, I left a business where I was left a company where I was making a, you know, a few hundred

Starting point is 00:11:19 thousand dollars a year. I was super comfortable. And then I went and started my own business, took this big leap of faith. And I remember I was driving my car and I was super comfortable. And then I went and started my own business, took this big leap of faith. And I remember I was driving my car and I was going from downtown Austin to my house, which is about 15 minutes away. My old house, that's about 15 minutes outside of Austin. I remember I was driving on the interstate and I remember the fear was just taking over me like, what if I run out of money? What if I can't do this? What if I'm not good enough? And I remember I got so pissed at myself that I was literally like, you know what? I'm not going to accept this anymore. I'm not going to accept this fear living inside of my body. And I started an incantation. An incantation is just an affirmation that you say to yourself, but you

Starting point is 00:11:59 say it out loud. And literally the thing that I said to myself was I will not let fear dictate my life. And I was driving the car and I was screaming on the top of my lungs. I was gripping the steering wheel for like 10 minutes. I was like, I will not let fear dictate my life. So by the time I got home, I was like screaming. I lost my voice. But guess what? I went from super fearful, but I had screamed.

Starting point is 00:12:22 I will not let fear dictate my life so many times. By the time I got home, I was so fired up that I had to, I will not let fear dictate my life so many times. By the time I got home, I was so fired up that I had to, I wanted to go work because I was on fire at that point in time. I changed my state. And that's something that I'm going to talk about in just a second, because when you face your fears, that's where you get to see where your real strength comes from. So let me tell you real quick, there's three things that you need to do to overcome your fears and your story. Okay. Write these down. Number one, you need new strategies. You got to do something different. You can't keep doing the same exact thing and expective results. In fact,

Starting point is 00:12:59 Einstein said to do the same thing over and over again, expective results, insanity. You can't think that your life is going to change. If you don't change, you can't think that your life is going to change unless your, insanity. You can't think that your life is going to change if you don't change. You can't think that your life is going to change unless your strategies change. You can't think that your life is going to change unless you start doing things differently. So you need new strategies. You can't change your life by being the same person that you were today and yesterday. So that's the first thing that you need. You need new strategies. Number two, you need new stories. Stop telling yourself the same worn out story, like a broken record that's on repeat. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. You need to find an incantation or an affirmation that's powerful, that you believe in, that's going to help you

Starting point is 00:13:38 change your life. And you need to change that story. Not that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough, whatever it is, change your story. And number three, you need a new state. The same way that when I got in my car, I was fearful and I was driving and I was like, oh my God, I don't know if I can do this. I was like, I am going to change my state, my state of my body, which if I change the state of my body by screaming, by yelling, by tightening my muscles, by holding onto the steering wheel and screaming it out loud, I'm legitimately changing the state of my body. And if the state of my body changes, the chemicals and the hormones of my body will also change, which will change

Starting point is 00:14:15 the state of my brain, which will change the state of my thoughts. So you need to change your strategies. You need a new strategy, you need a new story. And you also need a new state. Because here's the thing. When you're stuck in your old habits and doing the exact same things, it's easy to get into your old state. So guess what you're going to need? You're going to need to do things differently. We've gone to our old habits so many times in our old state, so much that it's literally like home to us. It's like coming home and just cuddling up on the couch. It's comfortable, but it's not where we want to be. And to make a radical state change, to change your state, it's all in the way you move. How do you change your state?

Starting point is 00:14:53 Well, how do you stand? And how do you move? And how do you breathe when you are fearless? Think about that. Do it with your body right now. What would a fearless person's body look like in this moment? Because your body can create energy. It creates the hormones. It creates everything that you need. So if you think about someone who looks depressed, what are they? Their shoulders are slumped over,

Starting point is 00:15:16 their head's down, they're talking slow, they have shallow breathing. Okay. Well, that's what a fearful person looks like. What does a fearless person look like? What do they look like? They stand tall, their shoulders are back, their head's up, their chin is up, their arms are strong, their arms are right at their side. Say something powerful. I will not take it anymore. Whatever it is that you need to do to change your state because you can turn your fear into power by doing that.

Starting point is 00:15:41 If you can't move, say you have fear coming over you and you can't get up, you can't stand, you can't put your shoulders back, you can't scream anything out. Well, then maybe what you do is you actually start to envision that body. You envision that future, everything that you want through visualization. Because when you're in a peak state, you have a window of time to tell yourself a new story. And what happens is when you're in a peak state, that new story becomes reinforced and stored into your subconscious quicker. Here's the thing that you need to know. The fearful part of your brain, it will never go away. It's the animalistic part of your brain. The amygdala creates the fears inside of your body.

Starting point is 00:16:22 And so because of the fact that you don't have to worry about tigers outside, now you're worrying about Sally and accounting judging you for the dress that you're wearing because Sally always judges you because she's, you know, feels like she's worthless as well. So to make herself feel better, she has to judge other people and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know that that's the way that it works. It's never going to go away. But because of the fact that we're not focusing on saber two tigers anymore, we're focusing on Sally and accounting because the amygdala still exists no matter what. But here's the best part. The courageous part of you also

Starting point is 00:16:48 lives inside of you. The fearful part of you lives inside of you, but the courageous part also lives inside of you as well. Can you think of a time when you were courageous and completely unlike yourself, where you stepped outside of your box, where you did something that was completely unlike you? Well, that person is inside of you. Clearly you need to live as that person more often, not the fearful one, not the one that slumped over and that said, and the head is down. No, you need to change your freaking state. You change your body. You do whatever it is that you need to do to become more powerful, to feel more powerful and to think more powerful. Put that person in charge more often. Give that person a name. You got to think of some sort of name that

Starting point is 00:17:24 you can, you can give your, you know, if my name's Rob and maybe I'm like, you know what? Rob's being a little pansy right now. You know what I need to do? I need to go ahead and I need to get Frank out here or powerful Frank, whatever the hell that I need to name myself. Right. Or think of a powerful animal. People like to have spirit animals. Like what's your, what's your powerful spirit animal where you're like, you know what? I'm going to throw Rob in the background. I'm going to bring the Jaguar out. What would a Jaguar, a Jaguar doesn't walk around like a little bitch. You know what I mean? Like a Jaguar, literally every step it's powerful. It's fearless, whatever it is.

Starting point is 00:17:59 It's, it's a lion. If it's a tiger, what are you going to walk around? Like you have to give it a name or give yourself a spirit animal and think about becoming that. Walking into the room. Don't walk into the room as Rob, the fearful one. Walk into the room. What would happen? What would a jaguar walk into a room like? It'd walk in slow, powerful, everything. What would everybody's reaction to a jaguar be? Oh shit. Look at that thing. Look at that person. Who is that? It's just an energy that you give off. You have to act as if you are that fearless person and that's how you become fearless. So the three things that you need to change your state is you need new strategies. You can't keep doing the same thing over and over again. Number two, you need a new story. You got to do something

Starting point is 00:18:44 different and you've got to think something different of yourself. Number two, you need a new story. You got to do something different and you've got to think something different of yourself. Number three is a new state. You've got to act different. Your body has to be different in order for you to get past your fear because fear is built inside of you. But also that courageous side

Starting point is 00:18:59 is built inside of you as well. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor. Go ahead and, you know, take a video, put it on your Instagram stories, tag me in it, take a screenshot of you listening to it, tag me in it. It's Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. I've been getting tagged in like a hundred every single day and I've been loving to see, you know, what you guys are doing, what you're saying. I've been seeing you guys walking down the street at the gym, listening to it in your car, listening to it in your real estate meetings before you

Starting point is 00:19:29 start to get everyone hyped. So whatever it is, just keep tagging me in it. I would appreciate if you continue to keep tagging me over and over again. That's how this message spreads. So if you love what I'm putting out, please, please, please share. And I would greatly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. But I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing, amazing, fearless, and courageous day.

The Mindset Mentor - 3 Steps to Live Fearlessly

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