The Mindset Mentor - 4 Steps To Find Yourself

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you love this podcast, please do me a favor right now. Take out your phone, go to however you're listening to us, Apple, Spotify, whatever it might be, and give us a rating and now. Take out your phone, go to however you're listening to us, Apple, Spotify, whatever it might be, and give us a rating and review. There's hundreds of thousands of people right now listening to my voice that have not given us a rating review. So if you would do that for me, it would help more than you could possibly imagine. The more positive rating reviews that we get, the more that those platforms actually show this to people who have never

Starting point is 00:00:40 listened to it before, which allows us to grow, to expand, and to impact more people's lives. So if you would do that, pay it forward. I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about four steps to finding yourself. And these are inspired by Friedrich Nietzsche, if you've never heard of him. And let's just dive into it. So four steps to find yourself and then also truly become who you were born to be and who you want to become. Because all too often, we really get stuck in doing what we think we're supposed to and what other people say we should do in order to fit in, all of that stuff. So we're going to talk about how to discover your own unique self and what it is that you want to do in this world. The first one, please take this advice.

Starting point is 00:01:19 Stop following the herd mentality. Stop following the herd mentality. There's a quote that says, what we call universal values, what we call truths, have only ever been the personal expression of those who promoted them. Think about that for a second. What you call your universal values, what you call your truths, a lot of times have only been the personal expression of those people who promoted them. Don't follow the herd mentality. You know, there's a lot of people saying, oh, this is what, you know, that person's a sheep, this person's a sheep. I never actually seen a real video of sheep moving. But what's crazy is you could see one sheep that's in the front and it literally is every sheep just follows the one in front of it. They don't see anything in front of them. They just follow whatever they're supposed

Starting point is 00:02:04 to be following. They could be walking off of a cliff. They just follow whatever they're supposed to be following. They could be walking off of a cliff. They have no idea. And so we're tribal. We were tribal at one point in time. We have that built in. There's still an animalistic part of our brain that wants to fit in, that needs to fit in in order to survive at things.

Starting point is 00:02:21 Because at one point in time, like, you know, if you fell asleep in the woods 100,000 years ago, and you were by yourself, there's a chance that something might have ate you. But when you have a tribe with you and some of the people can stay awake and watch and take shifts in order to protect each other at night, but then also at the same time to make sure you hunt together, to make sure you go and get food together. Like, we want to fit in. It's literally built into our system to have to fit in to survive. But you don't have to fit in with anybody anymore, right? Our ancestors had to fit in.

Starting point is 00:02:51 You don't. But what limits our individuality and our creativity is the feeling like we have to fit in. We have to be like other people. You know, how many people listening don't wear what you want to because it makes you stand out? How many people listening don't wear what you want to because it makes you stand out? How many people listening don't act, do, and say exactly what you want because of the worries and thoughts of other people's opinions of you? Of what, you know, I want to do this thing and put

Starting point is 00:03:14 this on Instagram, but I'm afraid my mom's going to say something. So I'm going to limit my full expression so that therefore I don't have somebody say that they don't like the thing that I posted on Instagram, right? You're limiting your full expression of who you truly are. You are, if you just really come to terms, that if you're doing this, you are dimming your light just to keep other people comfortable. I don't know about you, but fuck that. That's not what I want to do. And, you know, are you going to get haters?

Starting point is 00:03:42 Are you going to stand out? Are people not going to like you sometimes? Sure It's a very small amount, but it's going to happen People don't want to stand out because they fear like one of our deepest fears that's built into our system It feels like is the fear of rejection How people ridicule you for standing out because you're showing them how they're dimming themselves when you see someone that's a hater That's the reason why haters exist is because they're dimming themselves. When you see someone that's a hater, that's the reason why haters exist, is because they're jealous of you. Haters don't hate you. They hate what you

Starting point is 00:04:12 represent, which is somebody who is trying to better themselves. Somebody who is trying to grow into the most truest version of themselves. And there's a part of a hater that hates that. And the reason why is because you're showing them what they are not, what they are not doing, how they are not creating the life that they want to. They exist because they're jealous. Haters don't hate you. They hate what you represent in themselves. And the herd consists of people who have, in a sense, if you really think about it, they've killed their true self. They've killed their dreams. They've killed their goals and the life that they want just so they can fit in.

Starting point is 00:04:51 And if you stand out, it makes them feel threatened. It makes them feel uncomfortable. And that's the reason why haters exist is because you, by who you are, your fullest expression makes them feel insecure, makes them feel threatened. It's like Jim Carrey said in that famous quote he says in his speech where he says, your need to be accepted can make you invisible in this world. Why do you have to be accepted by everybody? What is it? Why can't you just step into your truest version of yourself? No, why do people have so many addictions? Why do people have alcohol addictions and drug addictions and food addictions and sex

Starting point is 00:05:26 addictions and workaholism? Are there a lot of traumas in this world? Yes. But a lot of people are just trying to numb themselves from the feeling of them dimming themselves and killing their dreams simply because they're afraid of what other people might think of them or because they don't want to stand out. And it's numbing. They're trying to numb themselves because they do not want... I mean, I know what this is because when I was in my late 20s,

Starting point is 00:05:50 26, 27, before I really started to figure out who I was and start this podcast, I would work really hard during the week at a job that I didn't want anymore. I made great money. And then I would freaking rage every single weekend. Why? Because I was trying to numb myself from how much I hated the path that my life was on. And I wasn't my truest self. And I wasn't living in my fullest expression. And I know some of you out there are probably in the exact same situation. And people are always like, why don't you really drink anymore? It's like, because I don't feel like I need to numb. Like, I'll have a glass of wine because I enjoy it. But like, Lauren always talks

Starting point is 00:06:23 about it. My wife always says like, you just stopped partying when I came along. But Lauren always talks about it. My wife always says, you just stopped partying when I came along. She's like, I wish I would have met the partying Rob. And I was like, because I found who Rob is and I didn't need to party to numb anymore. And so really start to think about that. Are you numbing yourself and dimming your flame simply because you want to fit in with everybody else. What's the benefit of fitting in, really? Just think about that. Let me know if you can find any. So that's number one. Number two is embrace the difficulty of self-discovery, right? It's only when we're willing to face the challenge of life that we are actually spiritually growing. And so the interesting thing is that people think that in order to take action towards what feels aligned for them, that it should be the easiest thing is that people think that in order to take action towards what feels aligned

Starting point is 00:07:05 for them, that it should be the easiest thing in the world. No, it will be easier, but it doesn't mean that there's not going to be difficulty. It doesn't mean that there's not going to be challenges. It doesn't mean that everything is just going to be unicorn shit and rainbows. It's not going to be that way. You have to learn to take the difficult path in your life. You have to surround yourself with other people who are also taking the difficult path, who are trying to go on this path of self-discovery, trying to challenge themselves to be better. Because the path of self-discovery can be hard, like real hard. And it makes it a lot easier when you're around other people who value the journey as well. And so what I would recommend

Starting point is 00:07:44 is try to distance yourself from people who aren't on the same path, at least for just a little while. Like give yourself a little bit like a headstart. Give yourself six months away from some of those people who really are just trying to diminish your dreams and what it is that you're trying to do

Starting point is 00:07:57 and the hard work. Some people will never hop on the self-development train. And that's fine. They don't have to. But if you continue to hang out with them, a lot of times they will slow you down. So can you distance yourself for the next six months as you just really focus on yourself? Because in many cases, those types of people hold you back. The people that you surround yourself with will either propel you forward to create an amazing life or they will hold you back from creating that life. You've heard me say

Starting point is 00:08:21 it. You've heard many other people say it as well. You're the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. You should really start to pay attention to who you're spending time with. And the path of self-discovery can get hard. In order to get better, sometimes we have to go to the past and look at traumas that happen to us. A way I like to think about a trauma, it's kind of like a broken bone. If you've ever had a broken bone before, imagine that you break a bone. And then you go to the doctor and you get it set, you wear a cast. And then 10 years down the road, you realize that the broken bone still hurts you. It still doesn't feel right. You go to get x-rays and you realize that the broken bone was never put back and set back in place correctly.

Starting point is 00:09:01 It's just a little bit off. Well, what do you need to do in order to fix that broken bone? A lot of times you have to break it again to put it back in the right place. And so trauma is like that broken bone that first happened. And if you don't overcome the trauma, it's kind of like the broken bone isn't set correctly. And sometimes we have to go through that pain of re-breaking, going back and visiting that thing that we're running from in order to live the rest of our life and go back to what feels good with that broken bone. And it goes back to the phrase, which is one of my favorite phrase about personal development, is the cave that you're afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek, right? Sometimes you got to go through some shit.

Starting point is 00:09:42 That's just the way that it goes. It's not always going to be easy, but it will 100% be worth it. The life you want will only come by overcoming the skeletons that you continue to keep in your closet and try to act like are not there. Okay, so that's number two. Number three, say yes to what gives you meaning. Say yes to what gives you meaning.

Starting point is 00:09:59 He who has a lie can bear almost any how. When you know what it is that you want, like when you have something, and if you're kind of struggling with where your meaning is, an easy way to start to find more meaning is what gives you energy. I don't mean like coffee. What I mean like is when you do this thing, it gives you energy. That's usually something that gives you energy. It's kind of a little bit of the science. It's like the universe kind of giving you a little nudge of like, hey, this is what you're supposed to do. Like for me, when I get done recording these podcast episodes, I have more energy after recording the podcast episodes than before. When I get done doing a

Starting point is 00:10:37 live for Mindset Mentor University and I go through and I do a live and have everybody there, I have more energy after. And for those of you guys that always email, they're like, how do I find out about Mindset Mentor University? Our weekly calls, it's info at robdial.com. You can email, my team will send you some information. So info at robdial.com. And so when you look at that and you start to think about, I get energy from those things. I always have more energy after than I did before, energy from those things. I always have more energy after than I did before, which shows me it is something that gives me meaning. And so follow your energy. If you've been trying to think of your meaning and you're thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking about it all of the time, hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just ask yourself, what gives me energy?

Starting point is 00:11:21 What gives me a feeling that I'm getting pulled towards it? It's kind of like a gravity that's pulling you towards this thing. Usually that has some meaning to it. Okay. What is it that you love? What is it that you love to do? You know, what did you love to do as a kid? What makes you happy now? What made you happy as a kid? Make a list of all those things. Bring all of those things into your day. Stop doing things that you don't like, right? Like there's one thing that's really kind of, if I'm being honest with you, it's kind of tiring that I've been posting on Instagram and Facebook and all this stuff for a really long time. And so many people just post with this negativity of like, well, yeah, it'd be nice if

Starting point is 00:11:58 my life could be this way, but my life, it sucks. In my life, I've gotten this and, you know, must be great to just be raised in a perfect world. And people just have this feeling of like, life has to suck. Oh, it must be nice, but my life is going to be shit for the rest of my life. Where did this come from? Why do you have to do things that you don't like? Oh, that sounds nice, but you don't know my life. Okay, you're right. We don't know your life, but your life is completely in your control. So if you're doing something that you don't want to be doing, maybe you can't leave it immediately, but you can make a transition plan. You can say, but by 2024, I will not do

Starting point is 00:12:35 anything that doesn't light me up inside. You can come up with it. What is it that you want? By 2025, I will not do anything that doesn't light me up inside. I can't leave my job immediately, but I can make some sort of transition plan. I can start to put a plan in place to get my life to where I want it to be and to get on the right track. So that's number three. Number four, find your true values. Do you really know what your true values are? Not what your mom taught you, not what your dad taught you, not what society taught you, not what your religion taught you. What are your true values as a human? Have you ever thought about that before? Not what's been told to you, but like, what actually feels like are your values? Who do you want to be?

Starting point is 00:13:16 Write down everyone and everything that limits your freedom. There's someone in your life that's limiting your freedom. If there's a job that you're working that's limiting your freedom, if there's an action that you do that limits your freedom, write down every single thing that limits your freedom. Start to move those things off of your plate. Stop doing them as much. Come up with a plan to get them off of your plate. I'm not saying it's going to happen like that.

Starting point is 00:13:40 Some things take time. Some things take a plan. Some things take a lot of action before they finally change. Like, what are your true values? When you're dead, which you will be one day, you will be. So will I. We all will be. How do you want to be described at your funeral?

Starting point is 00:13:57 What do you want people to say about you? I remember when an ex-girlfriend, her dad passed away probably about 10 years ago at this point, a while ago. And I remember going to, and he was always an awesome guy. He was always really cool. And we were already broken up for like 10 years at this point, but I knew him really well in high school. And I remember going to his funeral and there were so many people there. It was like a really kind of a eye-opening thing for me. There were so many people there that they didn't all fit in the church. So there were people sitting down, there were people standing on the outside of the edges of the church, and there were people standing outside with the windows open so they could hear. And I thought to myself, holy shit,

Starting point is 00:14:39 I want to have this sort of impact on the world. Like most people are worried about how much money is in their bank account. I'm worried about how many people come to my funeral because of what I did, the actions I took, the person that I was. And so what are your true values and what do you want people to say about you at your funeral? That's how you should start living your life in the lens that you start looking at the world through. And so if you want the four ways to truly find yourself, number one, stop following the herd mentality. Number two, embrace the difficulty of your self-discovery. Number three, say yes to what gives you meaning. And number four, find your true values.

Starting point is 00:15:12 So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Once again, I'll just tell you real quick, I mentioned it super briefly, but if you want to learn more about Mindset Mentor University,

Starting point is 00:15:24 which is where I actually teach weekly in 75-minute sessions every single week, live on Zoom, you can email my team, info at robdial.com. So I-N-F-O at R-O-B-D-I-A-L.com. They'll give you some more information there. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode,

Starting point is 00:15:41 make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - 4 Steps To Find Yourself

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