The Mindset Mentor - 4 Ways to Become Who You Want to Be

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dylann. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, please do me a favor, go into iTunes or go into Apple Podcasts or go into Spotify right now and give us a rating and review. The more positive rating reviews that we get, the more that they naturally organically show this to other people who have not listened to it before and allows us to be able to grow. So if you would do that for me, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, I'm going to be talking about four steps to find yourself who you are and become who you want to become. And we're going to go over four

different steps that you can find. This is from a guy named Friedrich Nietzsche. And anytime I teach this to people, people love this and they start to understand a lot more about themselves. And so without further ado, let's just jump straight into it. Let's not dilly-dally around. Let's just do it. The first one, first step to really truly find yourself and become who you want to become is to not follow the herd mentality. Not follow the herd mentality. And one of the quotes that Friedrich Nietzsche says is, what we've called universal values, what we've called truths have always and only ever been a personal expression of those who promoted them. Think about that for a second.

What we think is values and what we think is truths have only ever been personal expressions of the people who promoted them. So you don't want to follow the herd. First off, if you're trying to truly find yourself, what you need to do is distance yourself from the herd because if you're just following what everyone else is doing, of course, you're just going to be exactly like all of them and you're not going to actually truly find who you are. One of the biggest things that I find with people is that what they're doing is they are creating themselves in who they think that other

people want them to be versus actually being who they want to be. So instead of sitting there and creating yourself into somebody that you think will get approval from other people, why don't you create yourself into the person that you truly are and who you want to be? And I get it because we are tribal beings. Humans are tribal beings. A hundred thousand years ago, 200,000 years ago, we had to fit in with the tribe. We relied on the tribe for our survival. If we were kicked out of the tribe in some sort of way, we would die. And so we want to still fit in with people, even though if we get kicked out of a friends group, we're not going to die. We still have those same internal feelings of, I need to stick with these people

and get fear if these people actually reject us. But really what happens is if we have to stick, you know, stay the same as other people, it limits our individuality and it limits our creativity as well. Just think about that for a second. How terrible does it sound to know that your individuality is limited? How terrible does it sound to know that your creativity and the amazing thing that you could create in this world are limited? Think about that. How many people listening right now, be honest with yourself, how many of you listening right now don't wear what you truly want to wear because it makes you stand out in some way? How many of you thought like, oh man, I'd really love to wear that red outfit, really love to wear that red dress, that red shirt, but you don't wear it because you're like, ah, yeah, but I don't want

to stand out too much. Why is that? You're giving up your true self-expression so that therefore you don't stand apart from other people. How many don't act and don't do what you want to do and don't say what you want because of and don't do and don't say what you want because of worries about other people's thoughts and opinions of you? If you do that, you are truly 100% limiting your full expression of who you are. You are dimming your light just to keep others comfortable. You're dimming your light to keep other people comfortable. I don't know about you, but fuck that. That sounds terrible. I don't want, I'd rather be rejected by everybody than to dim

my true light and not be fully expressive of who I am. And, you know, it's kind of like the phrase, the brightest light gets the arrows where it's like, hey, the person that stood out the most gets the arrows where it's like, hey, the person that stood out the most in a war, you know, a thousand years ago, 500 years ago, whatever it is, they're going to be the one that gets shot. They're going to be the one that gets hit with the arrows. So maybe I should stay in with this group. But it doesn't help us anymore right now. People don't want to stand out in fear of being rejected by other people. That maybe they'll ridicule you for standing out because you're showing them that they're dimming themselves. One of the things that I notice the most is the reason why haters exist is not because they hate you. It's because they hate that that

person that they're hating on is a reflection of who they want to be. So they might not want to be exactly that person, but a hater usually is somebody who is dimming their light completely. They see somebody else that's standing out and they want to hate on them because that person is a reflection of what they're not and what they want to be. They want to stand out. They want to be who they truly are. They want to be fully expressive and individual and creative, but they're not. And so the herd consists of people who have, in a sense, killed their true self. They've killed their dreams. They've killed their goal. And they live a life simply so they'll fit in. If you stand out, it makes you threat out it makes you threat it makes you know if if if you stand out it makes them feel threatened it makes them feel insecure and it's like jim carrey says your need to be accepted

will make you invisible in this world if you think of all of the people that you look up to all the amazing people who are who have done something amazing in this world that you're like that's my idol they're not somebody who stood out they're always somebody who stood out from the crowd. Why do you think so many people have addictions? Alcohol, drugs, food, sex, workaholism. It's because they numb the feeling of dimming themselves and killing their dreams simply because they're afraid of what other people might think of them. Now, people don't know this. Consciously, they usually don't know, hey, the reason why they get addicted to, you know, drug, sex, alcohol, food, video games,

scrolling on social media is because they're numbing themselves from the feeling of dimming themselves, killing their dreams simply because they're afraid of what other people might think of them or because they don't want to stand out. And so in turn, instead of feeling those feelings, they numb. And so the first thing that you want to do is not follow the herd mentality. The second thing that you want to do is embrace the difficulty of self-discovery. One of the phrases that Friedrich Nietzsche says is, it's only when we're willing to face the challenge of life that we are spiritually growing. Think about that for a second. It's only when you're willing to face the challenge of life that we are spiritually growing. Think about that for a second.

It's only when you're willing to face the challenge of life that you're spiritually growing. You have to learn to take the difficult path. One of the things that we have as humans is we have the opportunity to be comfortable. We do. We can take the path of least resistance. But never does anything amazing come from the path of least resistance.

And so one way to help you with this, to go on this path of self-discovery, is to start surrounding yourself with other people who are on the path. And I understand the path of self-discovery can be hard. It makes it easier when you're around people who value the journey as well. And I'm going to be honest with you. There's not a whole lot of people that value the journey as well. And I'm going to be honest with you. There's not a whole lot of people that value that journey. There's not a whole lot of people that listen to podcasts like this and want to push themselves and want to grow. There's more people who want to

stay comfortable and not get out of their comfort zone. But you have to start to distance yourself from people who aren't on that path because you're going to be the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Some people will never hop on the self-development train and try to improve themselves and try to improve their lives for themselves, for their family, for everything. And they're not going to hop on that train. And honestly, they'll slow you down. And in many cases, they will hold you back. But you have to realize that on this path of self-development, on this path of trying to improve yourself, trying to get better, trying to improve your life, your family's life, the outcome of what you're going to be, there's going to be a lot of people who are not

going to want to join the journey with you. That is completely fine. You have to be okay stepping into that darkness by yourself. The cave that you're afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek, right? That's the thing that I always, one of my favorite quotes, the cave that you're most afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek. Whatever it is that you're afraid to go into, those feelings of your past, the hurt, the pain, the trauma that you haven't resolved yet, that holds the treasure that you seek. The cave that you're afraid to enter, the treasure that you seek, the life that you want will only come by overcoming the skeletons that are in the closet. So you've got to have courage and step out and put yourself out there and work on these things. Hey, we all want to turn back the clock. For some, it's vanity. Others just want to relive their glory days. For me, I love to

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What do I mean by that? If something gives you energy by thinking about it, if something gives you energy by doing it, that is where you're supposed to go. That is what you're supposed to follow. A lot of times, you know, if you ask somebody, hey, when you're on your way to work, does that work give you energy? They're like, no, absolutely not. It's like, well, that's not what you're made to do. That's not what you're here to do. So start noticing what gives you energy, what makes you excited, and what steals your energy from you. Say yes to what gives you energy, what makes you excited, and what steals your energy from you. Say yes to what gives you meaning. What gives you energy, if you follow the energy, that is the thing that gives you the meaning. But when your why is strong enough, your how will reveal itself.

So it's like, what is the reason why you're supposed to be here? Well, you might know, you might not know. But if you've been listening long enough, the phrase that I always say that has to do with this is it is okay to not know what your purpose in this life is, but it is not okay to not wake up every single day and be in constant pursuit for it. You have to wake up and try to find your purpose every single day if you do not know what it is right now. So what is it that you love? What is it that you love to do? Take a pen and paper and make a list of every single thing, big, small, tiny, that you love. Maybe you love ice cream. Just write that shit down. Maybe you love puppies. Write that shit

down. Write down every single thing. Maybe you love skydiving, right? Whatever it is. What is it that gives you energy? What do you love? When you were a kid, what did you love? Think about that. What makes you the happiest? What is it when you do something, you're like, man, I feel amazing after doing this. What is that thing? And what you do is you make a list of as many things as possible to make you happy. And then you look at that list every single morning and you ask yourself, how can I put as many of these things into my schedule today? every single morning and you ask yourself, how can I put as many of these things into my schedule today? How can you start saying yes to more things that give you meaning? How can you say more, you know, I get it now. I'm going back. I'm thinking in my own head where I'm like, hey, I said ice

cream. I'm not saying that you have to eat ice cream every damn day, but you can start to put it in once a week, you know, maybe twice a week. You could be working out really hard, whatever it is, but try to put as many of the things that make you happy into your day. Because you're not just here just to wake up, go to work, pay bills, die. Like you're supposed to enjoy this thing. So make a list of all the things that make you happy and figure out how you can put that into your life. And one of the things I hear from a lot of people is, oh, I'm 35 years old. I'm 40 years old. I'm 45 years old. And I can't leave my job because I've got a mortgage. I've got kids. I've got a degree that I've followed. And I can't leave this job now, but I guess I'm just going to have to stay here. And it's like, no,

that's not necessarily the case. You can move at any time. But what I'm not saying is find what you love, quit your job, do it tomorrow. What I'm saying is go on a mission of finding what it is that you love. And if there is a way for you to eventually do that as a career, can you come up with a plan, a transition plan over like the next two years that is exactly what it is that you want to do? So you have two years of planning, of working, of saving, of creating a plan and figuring out how it's going to work so that you can spend the majority of your waking hours, because we spend the majority of our waking hours working, doing something that you love versus something that you don't love. You know, and write down by 2024, 2025, 2026,

whatever it is, I will not do anything that does not make me happy. I will not do anything that does not light me up. I will not trade my time for money for anything that I do not love doing. And you write that down and you figure out what it is. So that's number three, is to say yes to anything that gives you meaning. Number four is to find your true values. Find your true values. Now this one can be a little bit tough for a lot of people, but it can also be easy once you start to think about it in the right way. Do you know what your true values are? Not the values that you were taught when you were a kid by your parents, by the church, by your family, by your brother, sister, whatever it might be.

Not the values that other people have taught you. What are the values that you want to live by? Who do you want to be? And one of the easiest ways to think about this is I remember I went to a friend's, one of my friends from high school, her dad died. It was about probably six, seven years ago now. And I remember pulling up to the, I was going to the funeral. I remember pulling up to the church and I was like, holy crap, there are so many people here. And there was like hundreds of people and hundreds and hundreds of people. And there was a place for you to sit and all of the spots to sit were taken. There were so many people that people were standing around the actual inside of the church.

And I thought to myself, man, I hope this is what my funeral is like. Not like I want to do it because, oh, I hope I'm loved and all these things, but it's like, I want to be able to be the type of person that this many people will be in the hot sun in Florida and show up and literally be there, standing room only because of me, the way that it was for him. I thought to myself, man, I don't want to be the person that dies and has just the most money in the bank account. I want to be the person that dies and has a bunch of people show up to their funeral because that shows that you did something right, whatever that thing was. So you have to

ask yourself, what are your true values? And if somebody were to stand on a stage after you pass away and give a eulogy, what would you want them to say about you? What do you want them to say? And write down every single thing that you would want them to say about you. Kind, giving, amazing. Write down all the character traits and then figure out how can I become the person that is the person that they would talk about on this piece of paper. And write down everything that you want to be. And on the other side of that, write down everyone and everything that limits your freedom. Every single thing that limits your freedom. See what you come up with. And what you do is you start to find what your true values are, what you want, what you don't want, and you start to make a plan to become that person every single day. You look at that list of character traits every single day of what you want people to say about you at your funeral every single day. And you say, how can I become more of this person today? And really what you do is you start to find your true values and live by those true values that are your values, not the values that you were taught

when you were younger. That is how you truly step into becoming who you want to be. And so those are the four steps to finding yourself and to become who you truly want to become. Number one, don't follow the herd mentality. Number two, embrace the difficulty of self-discovery. Number three, say yes to what gives you meaning. And number four, find your own true values. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you have not yet done so, we have a brand new Instagram that is just, you know, clips from this podcast to feed your Instagram feed with amazing stuff and to help you with

your mindset there as well. So if you want to follow me on that Instagram as well, it is The Mindset Mentor Podcast. Once again, The Mindset Mentor Podcast is the Instagram. Go ahead and follow me on there. Send me a message. Say what's up. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.