The Mindset Mentor - 5 Keys To Build Your Confidence

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

Confidence is not something that anyone is born with, confidence is earned. In this episode, I will teach you 5 different keys to building your own personal confidence. Follow me on IG for more inspiration https://instagram.com/robdialjr Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button and give us a rating review. Today, we're going to be talking about five keys to have more confidence. So let's not mess around. Let's just dive in. The first key to have more confidence is to change the way that you talk to yourself. I was reading a book last week and there was something that I saw that was like, oh my God, I need to get my pen and underline this. And the phrase that was said is that nobody has ever abused you more in your entire life than you've abused yourself.

And so I'm going to ask you guys this question, and we've been through some shit. You've probably been through some stuff for your life. Some of you guys have been through some stuff. Some of you guys have been through a lot of stuff. But that thing that happened to you, those things that happened to you happened. They were an event that happened. But when we talk about abusing ourselves, how often do we abuse ourselves over and over and over and over again? We can think about how we screwed up an event that was five years ago, and we're still abusing ourselves for a mistake that we made five years ago, and we're not even the same person we were five years ago. No one has abused you more in your life than you've

abused yourself. So think about that. What do you say to yourself? If you've been listening to me for a while, there's one thing that I love to bring up in the way do you say to yourself? If you've been listening to me for a while, there's one thing that I love to bring up in the way that you talk to yourself. You would never talk to someone that you love the same way that you talk to yourself. Why is that? Why are we so hard on ourselves?

If we want to have more confidence, shouldn't we focus on figuring out a way to be our biggest best friend, to be our biggest cheerleader? I'm not going to, there's no way for way to be our biggest best friend, to be our biggest cheerleader, I'm not going to, there's no way for me to be a confident person, but then talk trash to myself all day long. Why? Because I'm going to create the reality of what's going on in my head. If I'm constantly talking down to myself at all points in time, how is it possible for me to walk into a room and be like, I'm the most confident person here? It's impossible. And I understand that this is a habit. The way you talk to yourself is a

habit. You can't change it overnight. It's something that you're used to doing. But what do you do? You've heard me say before, you can't change your first thought, but you can always change your second thought. Start becoming more aware of how maybe you do verbally abuse. Maybe you don't know how to speak like I don't. Verbally abuse yourself. You can't change it overnight, but you can start becoming more aware of it. And when you become aware of it, you can fix it. You can't fix something that you're not aware of. And so if you notice yourself, okay, I have been a little bit hard on myself for something that I did yesterday. What I want you to do is instead of being hard on yourself and finding all of your flaws, because you have a lot of them, we all do. That's what makes us human because nobody is perfect. There's never such thing as

perfect. There's no such thing as a perfect anything, perfect person, perfect circumstance, perfect anything. Everything is imperfect. It's like the ancient, I think it's Japanese, wabi-sabi is the beauty in the imperfection. Can you start to find the beauty in your imperfection? Can you start to go, yeah, you know what? I did mess it up yesterday, but you know what? I'm still pretty awesome. I'm still a great person. I still treat my friends really well. I still, you know, have been working on my legs and I got a really great butt. Whatever it is that you've been working on. How can you find out what's good with you versus always searching for the flaws? The first

key to changing your self-confidence and have more confidence is to change the way you talk to yourself because you're going to create the reality that you constantly have going on in your head. Second key is to follow through. Follow through and not just follow through on the big things in life. Follow through on the small things, especially follow through on the small things. Why? Because the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. Are you going to be perfect? Absolutely not. You're not going to be perfect. You're going to mess up a lot of stuff. You're not going to follow through all the time. You're not going to do everything that you say you're going to do. But as long as you're doing more than that, like if you're more than 50% in following through, maybe you're at 51%. Maybe tomorrow

you're 52% and next week you're at 57%. You start getting a little bit more confident in your follow-through. You start becoming better. And you start getting this feeling of, when I say I'm going to do something, I freaking do it. What would it look like? What would your life look like? What would your reality look like? What would your relationships look like? What would your friendships look like? What would your bank account look like? What would your life look like? What would your reality look like? What would your relationships look like? What would your friendships look like? What would your bank account look like? What would your business look like? What would your family look like? If you were impeccable with your words and you were impeccable with your actions, how would your life change? Think about that. Because here's the reason why following through is so important. Think about your subconscious. Your subconscious

is working at all points in time. It's running in the background at all points in time. Every single time that you don't follow through, that's a little bit of your subconscious going, oh, there's Rob that didn't follow through again. Oh, there's Rob that didn't follow through again. Oh, there's Rob. He said he was going to do three sets. He decided to give up on himself and do four. Actually, I'm sorry. That's backwards. He decided he said he was going to do three sets. He decided to give up on himself and do four. Actually, I'm sorry, that's backwards. He decided he said he was going to do four sets. He decided to give up on himself and do three. Your subconscious is constantly watching you in the background. It knows when you don't follow through. And so if you were to think of your subconscious as a little guy that's in the background, just, you know, stacking dominoes.

And on the left-hand side, he's got all the times you don't follow through. And on the right-hand side, he's got all the times you do follow through. Which one is he stacking more? Because guess what? If you're stacking more of the not follow through, I guarantee you absolutely 100%, your confidence is going to be lower. But if you start stacking the follow through and start stacking the follow through and start stacking the follow through, your confidence will raise because your subconscious is going, you know what? I'm starting to notice when Rob says he's going to do something, he freaking does it. That's where confidence comes from. Showing up for yourself when no one else is there. Not showing up for other people. Sure, that counts and that

matters, but showing up for yourself. Think about your subconscious when you don't follow through and then think about your subconscious when you do follow through. It's like lifting heavier weight. Your subconscious is like, I can do this. I've been doing this before. You want me to do that little thing? Did you see what I did yesterday? Got it. Don't worry about it.

That's where confidence comes from. Confidence comes from showing up for yourself, for following through, from being impeccable with your word and doing what you say you're going to do. These days, it'd be hard to sit down and find some time to learn. And with the likes of social media that could be so addictive and time consuming, you might think to yourself,

I don't have time to develop myself. But there's an app that I highly recommend that will help. It's called Blinkist. Blinkist is for anyone who cares about learning, but doesn't have a whole lot of time. And Blinkist takes the key ideas and insights from over 4,000 nonfiction bestsellers in more than 27 categories and gathers them into 15-minute text and audio explainers that help you understand the core ideas of a book. And 15 million people are already using Blinkist to broaden their knowledge in 27 categories, including self-improvement, personal growth, management, leadership, mindfulness, and happiness. And right now, Blinkist has a special offer for our audience. If you go to blinkist.com

slash mindset, you'll get a seven-day free trial and 25% off of Blinkist premium membership. That's Blinkist, spell B-L-I-N-K-I-S-T.com slash mindset to get 25% off and your seven-day free trial. Once again, Blinkist.com slash mindset. So step number two is to follow through. Step number three is to force yourself to get better results. Focus on going just a little bit further than normal. I have the law of 10%, I like to call it. Just do 10% more in everything that you do. That's it. If you are a salesperson and you have to do a hundred cold calls a day, and that's required, do 110. It's only 10 phone calls. I've sat down many, many times and done a hundred cold calls in a day. Many, many, many times, right? So it's possible to do, but once you get to that a hundred, it's like, all right, I could stop right now,

or I could do 10 more, right? If you do 10 more a day, Monday through Friday for an entire year, that's 2,600 extra cold calls a year. How much different would your business be, whatever it is that you sell, whatever it is that you do, if you did 10 extra phone calls, if you did 2,600 extra phone calls over the course of a year, right? That's 26. If you're doing 100 cold calls a day normally, and then you add an extra 10 Monday through Friday for a year, 2,600 extra cold calls. That's like adding 26 days of cold calls into your schedule.

How much different would your mindset be? How much different would your bank account be? How much different would your business be if you just did 10 more? It's only 10% more, 100 to 110. If you say you're going to run one mile, run 1.1 miles. Do you want to know why? If you did 0.1 miles, that's it. Just 0.1 miles. A little bit more every single week, every single day. And let's just say Monday through Friday. You decide that you want to run one mile Monday through Friday. And instead you decide to go 10% more and you do 1.1 miles. And you do a Monday through Friday for an entire year. That's 26 extra miles a year. How different would your body be if you did 26 more miles this year?

And it's not that much. It's not 26 at once. It's not an entire marathon at one time. It's just an extra 10th of a mile. You can do that. Just add 10%. Instead of going for 10 reps, add 10% more. 10% of 10 is one. So all you have to do is 11 reps. That's thousands of extra reps per year. How different would your body be if you did thousands of extra reps, maybe tens of thousands of extra reps every single year? It doesn't seem like much. It's only one extra rep. It's 10% more. It won't kill you, but it will change you. That is the value of doing just a little bit better than what you're currently doing. Just 10% more. Also, it helps your mindset around finishing and going further. Instead of stopping just before, instead of stopping in nine reps when you're supposed to go to 10, when you go to 11, you're like, I'm showing up for myself.

I'm showing up for myself. And if there's that little guy in your subconscious that's just stacking dominoes, you're freaking side that you're showing up for yourself. Those dominoes are going to get stacked. So that's number three, get better results by going 10% more. Step number four is to push yourself through fear. People think there's this weird misconception that I find with people that people feel people who have not been as successful as they want to be in life. Think that successful people are fearless. Think that they have no fear. Think that they're just ready to go at all points in time. No. Here's the difference. Successful people have fear. They feel the fear. They just learn to stop listening to it. A successful person and an unsuccessful person still have pretty close to the same amount of fear. The difference is who listens to it and who doesn't. The reason

why is because I think that the most successful people in the world, most successful athletes in the world know your fear is showing you the edge of your comfort zone. When you're feeling a physical feeling of fear, it is a physical manifestation of your fear. That is your comfort zone because you're not going to feel fear in your comfort zone, right? If you're sitting at your fear, that is your comfort zone. Because you're not going to feel fear in your comfort zone. If you're sitting at your house, watching Netflix, you're on Instagram, there's no fear going on there. You're doing something that you've done hundreds and hundreds of times, most likely. But when you feel fear, that is a physical manifestation of your comfort zone. That's a beautiful thing. That is your mind, your body, your reality showing you, hey, Rob, you're on the

edge of your comfort zone. And so most people, when they feel fear, they start to lean back. They go, oh, this isn't good. This isn't right. I'm not supposed to be doing this. I'm not supposed to be here. Fear shows me I'm in the wrong place. In reality, fear is showing you that you're in the right place. And instead of leaning back, you need to lean into fear. Fear is beautiful. Fear, the physical feeling of fear, is the physical manifestation of your comfort zone. It is showing you what you need to push past.

It is showing you where you need to go. It is showing you. It is one of the biggest gifts you could possibly get is to find out where your comfort zone is by feeling fear. Feel fear and do it anyways. Okay. That's step number four, push the fear. And step number five is to stack your small wins. If you've been listening to my podcast for a long time, you know, I'm a really big fan of like the smallest wins you could possibly get. I want you to stack as many wins as you possibly can throughout the day.

I'm not talking about, you know, closing a hundred thousand dollar deal, even though that's amazing. That's great. You'll probably be super excited about it. I'm talking about the little things because it's the little things that matter. The tiny little wins. You've heard me say it. Try to get as many wins as you can first thing in the morning. Tiny little wins. When your alarm clock goes off, wake up. Don't hit the snooze button. When you get out of bed, make that damn thing. When you use a dish, clean it right after it's done. When you're trying on clothes before you're about to go out and party, whatever it is that you do, maybe you're going on a little date, trying to look sexy. Instead of leaving all of your clothes on the bed that you tried on to find

the perfect outfit, put those clothes away. It might take you two minutes, but it's a small win. It's a small win of going, you know what? I'm showing up for myself. It's a small win of going, you know what? I'm stacking those dominoes. How many small wins can you come up with throughout the entire day? Think about that. Next time you're going through your day, today, when you get off, stop listening to this whenever you're done, and you go through your day, think about how many small wins you could stack. Walking into the gym is a small way, not even finishing the workout. Walking into the gym is a small win and small wins add up in your subconscious. You have to make sure that you're winning more than you're losing. You know, it's like the phrase in atomic

habits. You don't, if you think of your habits and what you're doing as voting, you know, it's like the phrase in Atomic Habits. If you think of your habits and what you're doing as voting, you know, if you're running for governor, you don't have to get all of the votes. You've just got to get the majority of the votes. You got to get 51% of the votes in order to become governor. So think of every single action as a vote for the person that you want to become. Look at your actions throughout the day and ask yourself, am I voting in the right direction? Am I voting for the Rob that I want to build? Am I voting for the Rob that, you know, is going to keep me in my comfort zone? Ask yourself this question, is what I'm doing right now getting me closer to or further from my goals? Right now, in this very moment, what are you doing? You're listening to this. Is it getting you closer to

your goals? It might be because you're building up your mindset, but you got to take action eventually. I love that you're listening to this podcast, but you got to get off your ass at some point and start taking action. Hopefully you're taking action while you're listening to this podcast. That's like a, you know, double whammy. That's perfect, right? You're working on your mindset and you're conquering some stuff out in the real physical world. Small wins add up in your subconscious. You got to make sure that every single action that you take is adding up to a win. There's nothing worse than knowing that you should have shown up for yourself and you didn't. There's nothing worse than knowing that you could have done something better and you didn't. And you have that feeling of, damn it, I could have done it.

I know I could have done it. I know I could have shown up for myself. I know I could have done this, but I didn't. I backed away. And that's something that I do too often. And instead of judging yourself, you look at it very subjectively and you say, okay, I did it. Or very objectively. And you look at, oh, I did it. That's all right. I did it. Look at it objectively. Don't put any emotion to it and go, next time I won't do that thing that I did before. I'm going to show up for myself. I'm going to get little tiny wins. I'm going to start stacking them up. I'm going to stack up those little wins in my subconscious. Just have this visual reminder. Your subconscious is like a guy that's in the background. He's got a stack of dominoes. He's putting some on the left. He's putting some on the right. The ones on the left are all of the times that you didn't show up for yourself,

or you gave up earlier. You said you were going to do something. You didn't do it. All the ones on the right is the times when you showed up, the small wins, when you woke up and you said you're going to wake up, when you took the cold shower instead of the hot shower, you did everything that you needed to do to show up for yourself. That is exciting. Think of your subconscious, the guy stacking dominoes and think of it this way. If you want to create the life that you want, if you want to create the confidence that you want, that little guy needs to stack more dominoes on the right-hand side of all the times you follow through for yourself. So those are the five tips.

Number one, you have to change the way you talk to yourself. You got to follow through is number two. You got to get better results. Go 10% more in everything that you do. Number four, you've got to push through all of your fear. Number five, you've got to stack all the small wins. And always remember that little guy that's in the back of your subconscious stacking dominoes. And that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this, please do me a favor. Please share with someone that you know, someone that you love. And please give this podcast a rating and review however you listen to us. It helps more than you actually could possibly realize for us to be found more organically by people who have never listened to the show. So do me a favor. Just give us a

rating and review. I'd love you forever for it. It takes like 15 to 30 seconds. And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.