The Mindset Mentor - 5 Strategies To Bring Out The Best In People

Starting point is 00:00:00 Thank you. however you listen to us. The more positive ratings we get, the more that those platforms show this podcast to people who have never listened to it ever before. So if you really want to support this podcast, please just do that for us. I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, I'm going to be giving you five different tips to bring out the best in the people that are around you. This is really important if you are a leader. This is really important if you are a parent, if you have a significant other, if you have people around you who you love. Ultimately, what I see a lot of times is that sadly, so many people have such low senses of self-worth. What they want to do is bring other people down so that they temporarily feel better about themselves. And ultimately, if you listen to this podcast, I know you're not that type of person. I know you're the type of person that's

Starting point is 00:01:07 wanting to learn and grow and get better yourself, but also make the world better as well. And so I'm going to give you five separate tips on it. The last tip is what I think is the most important one, so I saved the best for last for you. Let's dive into it. Number one, I want you to find reasons to recognize the people around you versus reasons to reprimand them. So instead of finding what's wrong, start challenging yourself to find what's right. You know, I said in the last podcast episode, the average child is reprimanded eight times more than their praise growing up. And so, you know, for instance, if your significant other doesn't do the dishes and you just want them to do the dishes, I promise you this. If you just start yelling at them, it's not going to make them want to do the dishes. But next time your significant other, next time your husband puts a dish away,

Starting point is 00:02:01 say, oh my God, thank you. And they'll do it in a condescending way. Oh my God, you did such a good job putting it. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I worked really hard today and I appreciate you putting some of the dishes away. People want to be recognized. It is ingrained in us to want to be recognized by other people. People love words of affirmation and positive reinforcement always does better than negative reinforcement. And it's crazy because, you know, when I was a child, it seemed like a lot of people trained their dogs with negative reinforcement. A lot of people trained their children with negative reinforcement. And now psychology has shown us that positive reinforcement works better on humans. And it also works better on

Starting point is 00:02:41 dogs if you want them to do something that you want them to do. And so it's really important that we start tuning ourselves to find reasons to recognize people, to give them love, to give them words of affirmation. And if this isn't something that you normally do, it's going to be hard for you to find things. But just go throughout your day. I remember years ago when I was really bad at this, I was like, I'm going to try to give a compliment to as many people as I possibly can when I go out. So I'd go to Starbucks and I'd see someone, they had a nice necklace. I'm like, oh my gosh,

Starting point is 00:03:16 your necklace is so nice. I like that. And everyone's like, oh my God, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Cause people aren't used to being recognized out in public. It's usually just like very cold, just conversations that we have with each other versus being like, oh my gosh, I really love your necklace. Oh, thank you. Oh, your name is such a cool name. What's that mean? Just try to figure out if you can find reasons to recognize people. If you have children, please just find reasons to recognize them. Because a lot of times I find that people try to mold their child in what they want them to be by negative reinforcement, right? So positive reinforcement always works over negative reinforcement. And it makes the person want to seek more of that

Starting point is 00:03:57 positive reinforcement. So your husband's more likely to do the dish again if you recognize him for doing the dishes in a good way. So that's the first thing. Second thing, offer public recognition whenever you can. And make it natural. Don't force it. Don't seem condescending. Don't make an announcement, stand on top of a,

Starting point is 00:04:16 your child takes out the trash. Don't stand on top of the counter and be like, Johnny took out the trash. We're so excited about it. Everybody, let's give him a round of applause. Don't make it condescending. Find a way to offer recognition. So if you're going to sit there in front of somebody, you're going to recognize somebody to their face. That's a good thing to do. But also if you can find ways to recognize when you can and make it not condescending, I said. We in every single all hands meeting where we have all of the

Starting point is 00:04:43 people on the team come together, we ask people who has someone that who has somebody that you want to recognize. And we just open it up every all hands meeting who has someone that you guys want to recognize. And somebody will go, Oh, I want to recognize this person because they really stepped up and helped me with this this week. I want to recognize this person because they stepped up and really helped me with this. People love being recognized for what they do and what they are. And so if you can offer more public recognition, you know, and like for me the other day, my VP of operations, she's been absolutely crushing it. And I was like, hey, I just want to

Starting point is 00:05:14 recognize her for this and how she's doing. And then everybody was like, yeah, she's doing such a great job. We love her. She's so amazing. It just makes people feel good. I don't know about you, but I just want to get better at trying to make people feel good. There's enough bad shit that's happening in the world. There's enough sad people. There's enough people that are in their own minds and struggling with their own self-worth. Shouldn't we just try to recognize people a little bit more? So recognize them privately, but also try to recognize them publicly as well. That's the second thing. Number three is to start modeling the way that you want them to be, to be the lighthouse. You know, it's really, really odd that some people

Starting point is 00:05:51 will say, hey, you know, like I've heard so many people be like, oh yeah, my son has such a bad temper tantrum and we're trying to make him not have a bad temper tantrum. And then one of the parents has anger problems. And I'm like, where do you think they're getting it from? They didn't just pick it up one day on the side of the road. They're learning it from you. And so for you to be like, I'm going to try to fix my son's anger problem, but you've got anger problems, doesn't make any sense. You need to model the way that you want them to be, to be the lighthouse. And so, you know, the phrase of being a lighthouse, what that basically means is that you can either be the lighthouse and what does a lighthouse do? It safely gets ships into the harbor, or you could be like the tugboat. The tugboat goes out of the harbor. It gets one of the boats and

Starting point is 00:06:34 it pulls them and uses all of its force to get them into the harbor. Most people try to be like the tugboat. Be this way, be this way. I want you to be this way. You should be this way. You should stop doing this. They make fun of people for things that they don't want them to do. Versus a lighthouse is like, hey, I'm going to be me. I'm going to be the truest version of myself. And I'm going to model what it looks like to be happy in this world, to be healthy, to be successful, to be positive, to be a good person. If you want your children to be good people, then just be a good person. Because you can tell them what you want them to do. But if you're not doing it, they're paying way more attention to what you're doing and how you're acting in the world than anything else. It's like

Starting point is 00:07:14 I never really understood for a really long time the phrase of Gandhi where it says, be the change that you want to see in the world. It's like, you know, we can all look out into the world and say, this is wrong with the world. This is wrong with the world. This is wrong with the world. And there's a ton that's wrong with the world. But if we look at it, and I've challenged myself to do this as well, when I look at something and I'm like, I want the world to be different in this way. And then I ask myself, is there any of that that lives in me? Is that thing that I want to change? Is there any of that thing that I want to change that lives within me? Damn it. Every single time I'm like, yeah, there's a little bit of that that lives inside of me. Okay. Well,

Starting point is 00:07:54 it's really hard to change other people. Like you want to ask yourself, how hard is it to change other people? Think about how hard is it to change yourself? Right. And so you're out there and you're like, well, I want the world to change in this way. Well, then you need to change in that way. Oh, I want the world to be more accepting. Okay. How accepting are you? Is there places where maybe you should accept people where you're not accepting them for some sort of reason? I'm sure there is in some way. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And so you have to be the change that you want to see in other people. You have to be the change that you want to see in the world. You have to be the example that you want your children to be. Don't tell them what you want them to be.

Starting point is 00:08:36 Show them what it's like to be that version of you. If you're not, your advice is just going to go in one ear and out the other. You need to be a good example of who you want other people to be in this world. If you're a parent, this is the most important thing that you can do. If you're a manager, if you have a company, if you have employees, don't tell them to do something that you're not willing to do first. You know, like I have a position in my company and I won't, I won't talk about what the position is because I don't, I'll just tell about what the position is. Cause I don't, I'll just tell you there's, there's the, the, the lowest level of, of what somebody does in the

Starting point is 00:09:10 company. And it wasn't going very well. And people weren't doing what the, you know, at the, the quality of what they could. And I was like, for two weeks, I was like, I'm just going to do this role. I'm going to do this role and show people that it's not below me. There's no such thing as below somebody else. It's like, hey, I'm going to go in. I'm going to show, hey, this is how we do it. This is how we show up. This is how we show up for ourselves, how we show up for the team. This is how we show up for other people. I'm going to jump in. Do I have other things that I'm busy doing? Yeah, I'm busy as hell, but I'm going to do this because it's so important that we do this the right way.

Starting point is 00:09:41 And that means a lot, especially to employees to be like, wow, the CEO of the company is going to come in and actually work with us, get his hands dirty and actually start doing the same thing. And so it's like, that's the, I think that shows a lot versus being like, Hey, you all need to be better. You all need to do this differently. And so I just want you guys to understand, like, it's really important for us to step up and be like, Hey, I I'm not above anything. Nobody's above anything. I'm going to come down there. I'm going to work with you. I'm going to do it with you. We're all going to do it together. We're all a team. That's how it should be at a job. That's how it should be at a company. That's how it should be as a family. That's how it should be all across the board. And so that's number three,

Starting point is 00:10:16 is you got to make sure that you're just willing to be the person, like to model the way that you want other people to be. Otherwise, people are not going to do it, or they're really going to resist it. Okay, that's number three. Number four is to give more people autonomy. Stop micromanaging people all the time. Give people power. Let them find it. Let them rediscover. The thing that I've, and believe me, when I had my first company back when I was 20, 21, 22, 23 years old, I micromanaged like crazy because I didn't know what I was doing. And I was micromanaging people. And when you micromanage somebody and you question them and you question them and question, you question, you question them, what ends up happening?

Starting point is 00:10:53 They end up questioning themselves. And then they don't have any, uh, they don't have any self-worth around the position or what is it they're doing. You have to let them find their own power and start to allow them. Now, you still train them. You still help them. You still do quality control and all of that, whatever it might be, but you've gotta give people the power to do it themselves. And then they start gaining their own confidence.

Starting point is 00:11:15 I know we hired somebody a few months ago and she kept coming to one of her managers and she kept having her work checked. And the manager was like, hey, you don't need to come to me to get your work checked. And the manager was like, Hey, you don't need to come to me to get your work checked. Like I trust that you're going to get it right. And if you don't get it right, I'll help you get better at it. And she was like, Oh my God, thank you so much. She's like, my last manager never trusted me for anything. Every single thing that I did,

Starting point is 00:11:38 I had to go to him first. If I were sending an email to someone outside of the company, it had to be read by him first before it was ever sent out. So she developed this feeling of like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not good enough to be able to do it. And we're like, no, we're about empowering people. Let's see if we can empower you in some sort of way. So give people more autonomy. Micromanaging them enables them to always need you, whether that's an employee, whether that's your child versus building your own confidence or building their own confidence and trusting them to do what's right. Trust that they will 100% mess up at some point in time. So give them feedback and, you know, give them a feedback sandwich. If you've never heard of feedback sandwiches, you tell somebody the good,

Starting point is 00:12:21 then you tell somebody the bad, and then you tell them good again. So it's like, hey, you're really doing well at this. One thing that I think that you could get better at is this right here. But overall, your quality of your work is getting better and better and better. And so it's like you get the feedback in there, but it's sandwiched between some good things as well. So that's the thing, like recognize what they did well, bring in what they can improve upon, and then recognize the other thing that they did well. And try to just build them up a little bit more. Don't micromanage them, give them some autonomy, let them grow into who they can be. And then number five, which I said, in my opinion, is the absolute most important one, is don't try to change them. Try to love

Starting point is 00:12:59 them for who they are. And so I want you to understand this. People already talk down to themselves enough. And I think that after talking with a lot of people who have lower self-confidence or who talk negatively about themselves, the amount that people talk down themselves is way more than the average person would understand. I think that if every person had a speaker connected to the side of their ear and it just broadcasts everything that they thought, you'd be like, oh my gosh, people are so mean to themselves. And so people already talk down to themselves enough. If you really want to bring out the best in someone, learn to love them as they are. If you have children, stop trying to change your fucking children. I, as a coach, deal with people all the time and try to help them from when their parents didn't love and accept them.

Starting point is 00:13:52 And they kept trying to change them and they wanted them to do something different. They wanted them to do what they wanted them to do. You know, so many people are like, my mom wanted me to go to this school. She wanted me to go to this job. And now I feel lost. I don't know who I am. I don't want to do this, but I'm also afraid my mom's going to love me if I switch my job. Right? So it's like, just start getting better at going, yeah, my son is into doing this. I'm going to love him for that as well. My daughter's into doing this.

Starting point is 00:14:16 I'm going to love her for that as well. My employees are like this. This is how they are. My spouse is like this. I'm going to love them for who they are. And when you love someone for who they are versus reprimanding them or trying to change them all the time, a better version of them always comes out because they feel safe enough to bring their best version of themselves out, their true self out.

Starting point is 00:14:35 All too often, we want people to become the best version of what we want them to be, not what they are here to do. So don't try to quote unquote fix them. It's not your job to fix other people. For your children, they're not here for them to be what you want them to be. Your spouse is not here to be what you want them to be. Ultimately, what we need to be is if we truly actually love somebody, if we truly love our spouse, if we truly actually love somebody, if we truly love our spouse, if we truly love our children, if we truly love our employees, we should want them to be what they want to be. Not to say, hey, you have to fit into this mold. And if you don't, then I won't

Starting point is 00:15:16 accept you. If you don't, then I won't love you. It's like, no, if you truly love somebody, you want them to be who they truly are. Not try to change them and mold them and all of that stuff. No, I want you to be who you truly are. And no matter who you truly are, I'm going to love and I'm going to accept you no matter what. And so I want you to understand the key to relationships and the key to helping people is to just try to bring out the best in them all the time. Stop trying to fix them. Stop reprimanding them. Start recognizing them. Try to model the type of person that they should be and the type of person that you want them to be and be the type of person. And then give them more autonomy. They're here to do whatever it is that they're

Starting point is 00:15:59 supposed to do on this planet and what they and their soul has been designed to do for this planet, not what you want them to be. So try to bring out the best in people. If you're a leader, if you're a parent, if you have a significant other, if you operate in this world too, you know, around other people, it is very, very important for you

Starting point is 00:16:15 to try to bring out the best in everyone else around you. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor. Give us a rating, review, however you listen to us. Go ahead and share it on the Instagram stories. Tag me at Rob Dial Jr. R B D I A L J R. And I'm gonna leave you with the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - 5 Strategies To Bring Out The Best In People

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