The Mindset Mentor - 6 Ways to Be More Confident

Episode Date: February 17, 2021

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to be talking about the six keys that I can give you to have more confidence. Now, one thing I want to say about confidence before we dive into it is that people have a misconception of confidence, what it is, and where it comes from. I want to tell you this before we dive in. You are not born with confidence. Nobody has ever been born with confidence. Confidence is something that you earn, which is a beautiful thing because it shows you that if you're not a confident

person right now, you can become more confident. And here's where confidence comes from. Confidence comes from results. So when you see a confident person, like, you know, a confident person when you're around them, right? The way they walk, the way they talk, the way they carry themselves. You can tell when somebody is confident, a confident person. When you're looking at a confident person, what you're actually seeing is someone who has gotten results in something, whatever that is. I can think of myself when I first started doing public speaking, I was absolutely terrified. I wasn't at all in any sort of way a confident person, but I went and gave my first talk and it was okay. And I was terrified the entire time. And then I gave another talk and it was okay.

I got a little bit better and a little bit better, a little bit better. And I got confidence in public speaking from doing talks over and over and over and over again. But if I had never taken any action in that public speaking realm, I wouldn't be confident in it. I only got it from the results of me doing it. So as I'm going through and giving you the six keys, the six tips that I can give you to having more confidence, realize the most important thing is realizing that all of it comes from results. That's how you will become more confident. So once again, when you see a confident person, they were not born with it. It was something that they've earned, which means that you can earn confidence as long as you're willing to put in the work. So tip number one is to take action. Okay. You cannot think your way to confidence. You can't just be like, oh, I'm going to sit here and just be confident. It doesn't happen that way.

It's, I had somebody tell me one time, they want to think through their limiting beliefs so that they can become more confident. And I'm like, thinking about your limiting beliefs is only going to make you more ingrained and more entrapped in your limiting beliefs. Thinking about them is not going to make you more confident. Working against them and taking action is going to make you more confident. The only way that you can get results from anything is by taking some form of action. Here's the beautiful thing about action. I say it all the time because I want people to have this ingrained into their heads. You don't have to believe in yourself in order to take action. When I first started in sales, I wasn't good in sales. I wasn't

confident in sales. And honestly, I didn't even know if I would make any sales. But all I did was pick up the phone and hit buttons and then talk to people and set up appointments. After I set up appointments, I went to their house. I did in-home presentations. Some people bought from me. Some people didn't. Even though I didn't believe in myself the entire time, all I did was I still took action. And every single sale made me a little bit more confident, made me a little bit more confident. Then after sale and sale and sale, I became more confident. So the first tip that I'm going to give you to get more confidence is to just get off your ass and start taking action towards what it is that you want. If you sit around and think about all of your limiting beliefs and your fears and the things that are holding you back, you're not going to want to

take any action. Inaction causes more inaction. Action causes more action. So if you're sitting around not taking action on Instagram, laying on the couch, thinking about the things you want to do, you're not going to do them. You have to get up and actually start taking action. Put one foot in front of the other. The first tip is you have to take action. Okay. Second tip I'm going to give you is this, is to visualize what it is that you want. Visualize what it is that you're working towards. The first time I ever visualized was my mom told me to visualize when I was really nervous. I was really, really nervous.

I was the captain of my basketball team when I was 13 years old and we were going into the championship game and we were playing against my friend who was one of my best friends and he was way better in basketball. His name was Eddie. Way better than me in basketball. And I was terrified because I was the captain of the team

and I didn't want to lose. And my mom said, why don't you just go visualize the game? I was like, what does that mean? I'm 13 years old. The hell's that mean, mom? She's like, go visualize it. Think about how you want it to be. So therefore, when you go to the game, you're not as nervous because you feel like you've already been there. I was like, oh, that kind of makes sense. So I remember going to my bathroom, laying on the ground for like 20 minutes and visualizing the game from start to finish, how I wanted it to be. And what's cool about it is when I showed up to the game, I wasn't nervous anymore. I was still a little bit nervous, but I was nowhere near as nervous as I was when I was thinking about it. Now, we still got our asses handed to us and we lost like crazy in the championship game, but I wasn't as nervous,

which is the thing that I'm trying to say here. The reason why is because I felt like I had already been there before. Sometimes nervousness and lack of confidence comes from never doing something before. So when I was nervous about the championship game, it's because I'd never been a captain of a team in a championship game. Now, when I go and visualize it, I feel like I've already done it. I feel like I've already been there. And when I show up to the actual real championship game, I at least have a little bit more confidence because I feel like it's something that I've done before. So when you visualize, maybe if you're nervous and you want to have confidence about being a public speaker, maybe you visualize getting up and giving speeches over and over and over and over again. Maybe you visualize standing

ovations so that when you finally get on a stage and you get on those stages, you have confidence because you feel like you've already been there. You feel like it's something that you've done before and now you see that future that you want, which is the future of getting a standing ovation from the entire crowd. So can you just sit back and visualize? And what you're doing is you're kind of tricking your subconscious and your conscious mind into believing it's something that you've already done. That in turn will give you confidence. Once again, when we talk about taking action, if you can't physically take the action, can you mentally take the action through visualization? So the second tip is to visualize.

The third tip is to get really good at affirmations. One of the things that's holding people back from being confident is they're thinking unconfident thoughts, inconfident thoughts. They're just thinking, oh, I'm not good at public speaking. I'm not good at reaching out to people. I'm not a good salesperson. I'm not a good public speaker. And they're bringing themselves down mentally, sometimes, most of the time on accident. When in reality, if you want to have more confidence, shouldn't you be on your side? Shouldn't you be building yourself up more than anything else? What you're doing is you're changing the narrative in your head of the way that you think about yourself, of the way that you feel about yourself. Affirm to yourself how you want to think about yourself.

So instead of saying, oh my gosh, you know, I've got this presentation I've got to give at work and I'm afraid that I'm going to screw it up because I've screwed it up before and there was that one time where I screwed it up. Instead of doing that, say to yourself, I'm going to dominate this talk. I'm going to dominate this presentation. I'm going to do this presentation. I'm going to give the best presentation I ever have and start to affirm what it is that you want and the outcome that you want to yourself to build yourself up as if you're a boxer and in your corner, you're in your own corner and you're your own coach. You're building yourself up and saying what you want to say before you go into the fight, right? Can you be in your own corner

mentally and physically? Another way to do this as well is through something called incantations. An incantation is an affirmation, but with power. So one of the things you could do is if you really want to, you know, what happens is you can say affirmations to yourself and those are beautiful and they're great. But if you want to lock it into your brain quicker, if you say an incantation, which is an affirmation with power and physically moving your body, you're more likely to actually lock it into your brain. So an incantation would be like, go and work out. And as you're working out today, every single rep say, I'm going to give the best presentation I've ever had. I'm going to give the best present. And if you're

alone, shit, even if you're inside of the gym, who cares? Scream it to yourself and just yell it with every single thing that you have and physically bring your body into it, not just mentally and affirm the results that you want to build yourself up. And what you'll realize is you'll actually start to gain more confidence because you'll be like, damn, I'm actually saying this over and over and over again. I'm rewriting the narrative and the story that's inside of my head. Now I'm actually starting to feel more confident before I go and give this talk. So have affirmations to build yourself up, to change the narrative that you happen to say in your head currently that's holding you back from being confident. So that is number three, have affirmations or incantations. Number four is just freaking fail already, right? The creator of Honda said

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That's LadderLife.com slash dial.I-A-L. That's ladderlife.com slash dial. You just got to succeed one time. That's the beautiful thing about it. Success means you only have to fail. I mean, you can fail 20, 30, 40 times, but you only have to succeed one time. And if you succeed one time, it works and you get confidence from it. So just go outside and fail, fall on your face, screw up, fuck it up a lot. It's okay. Why? Because once you fail and you screw something up, you realize that failure won't kill you and you won't fear it as much. Because ultimately we're so afraid that if we go out and fail and we fall on our face and we put up a YouTube video and somebody judges us that we're going to have our lives destroyed from

it. We're going to be so afraid of this. Or if we go up and give a talk and we mess up in it, that everyone's going to laugh at us and then our belt's going to come undone and our pants are going to fall off in front of 150 people. None of that stuff is going to happen. But when you go up and you give your talk, you're like, you know what? If I did mess up, if I did screw up a little bit, it didn't kill me. I'm still here. That's a beautiful thing.

So what I want you to do is I want you to screw up. I want you to fail. I want you to screw up. I want you to fail. I want you to realize that failure is not something to be afraid of. It's something to realize that failure is going to happen no matter who you are. Every single successful person that you see has failed collectively more than the people

who are sitting on the sidelines and haven't succeeded. A person who is a success has failed more than someone who is not a success has failed more than someone who is not a success. That is guaranteed. So what I want you to do is go out and mess up everything as much as possible. Come back together, figure out the right way to do it, get better at it, and realize that failing is not going to kill you. And when you realize failing is not going to kill you and you've already overcome failure, you have more confidence on your side. You have more swag or you have more, hey, I can do this.

All right. Yeah. You know what? I did mess it up in the past. No big deal, but I've already messed up and it didn't kill me. So you know what? I'm going to continue on this path until I get better. So go out there, fail, fail again, fail again, fail again, and realize as the creator of Honda said, success is 99% failure. So you got to fail in order to succeed. Cool. That's number four. Tip number five is to say yes more often, right? Say yes. I want you to say yes when you would normally say no. Okay. All too often, one of the things that we tend to do as we get older is we get more ingrained and locked into our comfort zones. And when you get locked into a comfort zone, you don't have confidence for anything outside of that

comfort zone. And so one way to combat that and to get past that is to say, you know what, I'm just going to start saying yes more often. Somebody asked me to go and, you know, go out dancing and I'm not a good dancer. Take some dance lessons. Yes. Screw it. I'll go do that. Someone tells me they want to go, you know, bungee jumping. That scares. Does that scare the shit out of me? Yes, it does. Okay. I should say yes. They want to go skydiving. Say yes. Whatever it is. It doesn't have to be any of those things. It could be like, hey, you know, somebody at your office asks you if you want to go have lunch with people who you're a little bit intimidated by and normally be like, oh no, I got some work I got to work

on. Instead of that, just say yes. Say yes more often. Start doing things outside of your comfort zone. You realize that the older you get, the more locked in you get. If you want to stop being locked in and you want to continue keeping yourself sharp, keeping your mind sharp, you're going to have to start doing things that you've never done before, right? One of the ways to keep your brain fresh is if like, for instance, if you brush your teeth with

your right hand, start brushing your teeth with your left hand, start doing things you've never done before because it's making your brain having to move around a little bit more, having to make neurosynaptic connections. And so if you want to actually start becoming more confident in things that you're not confident in, you're going to have to start stepping out and trying new things. Just say yes more often. Put yourself out there more. Another thing that I want to tell you about saying yes more often, this is fun and this is going to be a challenge. And this happens to go with number six is to do things that you don't want to do. I'm going to give you a couple of examples of doing things you don't want to do. One of the things that I always recommend to people,

and I love whenever I say this, and then I happen to see videos that get sent to me, is to start doing things that are so taboo and out there that they're almost a little bit weird. Let me give a couple of examples. One of the tips that I always give people is next time that you're in a coffee shop, next time you go to Starbucks and you're in line, lay down on the floor for 30 seconds. Just do it. You're not going to die. You're not going to die from laying down on the floor. You're not going to die from other people's judgments or opinions of you. But one of the reasons why it's beautiful to lay on the floor in the middle of a coffee shop and then just get up and order like there's nothing that happened is that you realize doing something that you feel like you're a quote

unquote not supposed to do didn't kill you. Other people's judgments and opinions of you or laughing at you didn't kill you. So what does that do? It gives you a little more confidence that, hey, I didn't die. I'm going to go ahead and step out of my comfort zone more often, right? Then people always ask the question, oh, but the floors are so dirty. You're not going to die from the dirty floor at Starbucks. I'm sorry. It's just not going to happen. Right? So just realize that. I've had people send me videos of them inside of Starbucks, inside of Walmart, inside of Kmart, inside of places. I mean, all over the place. And then they said that was such a great

experience because it was just something that seemed so wrong and so taboo and something that was so out of the comfort zone and not what we're supposed to do in our society, quote unquote. And they did it and they're like, that was actually pretty easy. Maybe I should set myself up to do things I don't want to do anymore. So that's the first tip I'll give you on doing something you don't want to do. Second thing, next time you go into a coffee shop, next time you go order something, next time you go somewhere, just ask for 20% off. Just do it. And they're going to go, you know, oh, why?

You're like, I don't know. I just want 20% off. Can I get that? What's interesting is a lot of times you'll get 20% off. Why would you want to do this? Not because, you know, you want to be cheap as hell. Of course, you could get a discount. That would be pretty cool as well? Not because you want to be cheap as hell. Of course, you could get a discount. That would be pretty cool as well. But because you're not supposed to

do it. What I'm talking about is setting yourself up to do things outside of your comfort zone consistently so that therefore you build more confidence when you realize you don't die from these or from somebody saying no to you or not giving you the discount that you want. What's cool about this, I remember years ago, about five years ago, I first challenged people to do this on my podcast. And I got an email from a woman that said that she asked for 30%, even more than I told her to, asked for a 30% discount on a bag. And it was a $1,000 bag that she bought. And the lady goes, yeah, I guess I can do that. And she got $300 off of a $1,000 bag just because she decided to ask, right?

It's kind of a cool benefit. But just do stuff that these are, and you could do these, you could land a floor if you want to. I don't care if you do or don't. You could ask for a discount. I don't care if you do or don't. But just start doing things that are outside of normal, quote unquote normal, and start realizing that these things aren't going to kill you.

Start doing things you don't want to do. If you start feeling resistance, step into that resistance. What happens is you start to do these things and it builds your confidence by doing them. Another perfect example of doing what you don't want to do. I always tell people, if you listen to me long enough, start taking some cold showers, right? Why? Because you don't want to do it. I never want to take a cold shower. I never want to jump in my cold pool, but I do it anyways because I don't want to do it. I never want to take a cold shower. I never want to jump in my cold pool, but I do it anyways because I don't want to do it. I'm trying to build the muscle of not listening to that little voice inside of my head that tells me not to do something. So I'm naturally going to go,

oh, there's that little voice. That little voice pops up. I'm going to force myself to do it, right? If I get done eating and I have a dish and that little voice is just like, hey, just drop it inside of the sink. You can put it in the dishwasher later. I'm like, nope, I've got to do what that voice doesn't want me to do. I've got to take an extra 15 seconds, wash this dish off, put it inside of the dishwasher. And I get used to hearing the little voice that's holding me back, not listening to it and doing whatever it is anyways. Here's the reason why is because when you do something that you don't want to do, jumping into a cold pool, taking a cold shower, going to the gym when you really don't want to,

what you're doing is you're building that muscle of doing what you feel is difficult. And when you start doing things that are difficult and you stop listening to that little voice inside of your head, you start to build confidence in yourself and start to realize, hey, I'm a lot better than I thought I was. Hey, I'm dominating that little voice inside my head. Hey, I'm actually on a great route of success that I want to go to. Hey, I'm showing up to the gym consistently when I don't want to. Hey, I'm waking up consistently when I don't want to. And you start realizing that you're building yourself up and going, hey, I'm a lot better than I thought I was. Like I'm actually doing things I don't want to do, which is a win. And you start to get more confidence in yourself by doing things that you don't want to do. So those are the six tips that

I got for you. Number one is to just freaking take some action. Number two is to visualize everything that you want. Number three is to get some affirmation, some incantation, and to affirm what you want into yourself. Number four is to fail often, often, often. Number five is to say yes more to things that you normally wouldn't say yes to. Number six is to do what you don't want to do. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. Please go ahead and take a screenshot of it or a video of it.

Share it on your Instagram. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way that we grow is grassroots from you guys sharing it. So I greatly, greatly appreciate it. So if you've ever gotten any value from anything that I've ever put out, please start sharing this with people on your social media. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.