The Mindset Mentor - 6 Ways To Build Your Confidence

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you want to receive inspirational text messages from me and you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305, and I will sporadically send you messages throughout the week. Today, we're going to be talking about six different ways to build your confidence. And when I say build your confidence, I think that I use that phrase very specifically.

Starting point is 00:00:42 And the reason why is because I see confidence as something that is built. Seems like almost everybody wants more confidence, but you're not born with confidence in any sort of way. Confidence is something that you earn. You can't sit on the couch, scroll on Instagram, and watch Netflix all day, and magically just be given confidence. Confidence is something that you have to go out and earn.

Starting point is 00:01:06 And confidence comes from going in a lot of different ways, but doing things, whether you do something and you didn't really want to do it, and you fail massively, you still get confidence from that if you look at it the right way. If you look at the fail and you say, oh my gosh, I failed,

Starting point is 00:01:21 you're not gonna get much confidence from it. But if you look and you say, you know what? Maybe I didn't get the results that I wanted, but I did do the thing that I was afraid of. And I'm proud of myself for that. That can build your confidence. So when you really start to look at it, confidence can come from that. But also a lot of times, confidence can just come from just taking the action. Sometimes it comes from results. Like a lot of times people think like, well, like I've never graduated college and I've never won any awards and I've never spoken on stage and I've never done anything.

Starting point is 00:01:50 But I've never had results that should make me confident. It can come from results, but it doesn't always have to come from results. When you see a confident person, you're seeing someone who has either gotten results by doing something or they've been out of their comfort zone over and over and over again. And they're starting to be more confident in themselves because they trust themselves to do what needs to be done regardless of how they feel. And so people are not born with confidence. The way I like to see confidence for some reason, it always pops up in my head this way, but the way that I see confidence is like

Starting point is 00:02:23 Jenga blocks. Every time you do something, either, you know, you go out and you do get great results, you get a confidence block, or you go and you do something that you didn't want to do. Even if you fail, you still get a little confidence block. If you say, you know what, I'm proud of myself for doing what I didn't want to do. Or you decide, you know what, I'm going to go, I'm going to do a workout today and I don't have a whole lot of time, but I'm going to do it. And you show up for yourself, you get a little confidence block. Then when you say, you know what, I'm going to do a cold plunge and I don't want to do a freaking cold plunge today.

Starting point is 00:02:54 And you do it anyways, you get a little confidence block. And so that's kind of the way that I see it in my mind. But today we're going to go through six different ways to help you build exactly like I'm saying with the confidence blocks, with the Jenga, build your confidence. Number one, first one is to take action. You cannot think your way into confidence. Let me just say that again. You cannot think your way into confidence. You can't just sit there and say, you know, I'm the most confident person in the world. No, it's not going to work that way. Confidence comes from doing what you don't want to do, or it comes from results in some way. It comes from doing something and seeing that you did that thing, like I've been saying. It also comes from doing something and being like, you

Starting point is 00:03:35 know what? Yeah, I royally screwed that up, but I'm really proud of myself that I did it. Or a lot of times what I see with people is a lot of people, we hold ourselves back and we think too much, and then we do something and we do it way better than we thought we were going to do it. Or a lot of times what I see with people is a lot of people, we hold ourselves back and we think too much and then we do something and we do it way better than we thought we were going to do it. That will give you a lot of confidence. So the first thing you have to do is you have to start taking action. Become good at following through, doing what you say you're going to do. Not just doing it because other people know about it, but doing what you say you're going to do for yourself. Doing what you said you were going to do and prioritizing yourself. And so like a lot of times I see that people want accountability partners and lots of things that they do because they don't want to look like an ass when they don't do what they said

Starting point is 00:04:17 they were going to do. Yeah, okay, I get that. You could definitely do it. But no matter what, there's always one person that's listening to you and that's you. And how many times you said you're going to do something and then you didn't follow through? Well, of course your confidence is going to be low from that because you're saying to yourself, oh, I want to go do this thing. And immediately your brain's going, yeah. Do you remember how many times you've given up on yourself in the past though? There's one person that's always paying attention to yourself and it's you. And so you have to get really good at taking the actions you say you're going to take. So that's the first thing. The second thing that I want you to think

Starting point is 00:04:49 about is visualization. Might sound corny, might sound cliche. Even when I talk about visualization, even though I've been doing it for years, like the very first time I ever did visualization was when I was 13 years old. And I wrote about this in my book, Love Love. And I remember I was really nervous before my championship basketball game. I was the best player on my basketball team. And I was in the championship game the next day with my really good friend, Eddie. And he was the best person on his basketball team, but he was way better than I was. And I remember I was telling my mom, she's like, are you excited for the game tomorrow? And I was like, I'm actually really nervous. And she's like, you know what you should do? You should go and you should actually visualize the game. And I was like, what does that mean? I was 13 years old.

Starting point is 00:05:32 She's like, go in and visualize how you want the game to go. Visualize walking into the court, visualize the warmups, visualize how you want the game to go, everything. I was like, okay. And so I did it. And I went in and I visualized, I still remember I visualized on the floor of my bathroom when I was 13. And it was crazy because I was really nervous thinking about the day before, but then I visualized it. And because I had already visualized it when I went to the actual game the next day, because I felt like I'd already been there because I'd already visualized it, when I went to the actual game the next day, because I felt like I'd already been there because I'd already visualized it. I was way more confident. Now, did we lose? Yes, we still got our asses handed to us. We lost the game, but I was way more confident going into that game, having visualized how I wanted it to go. And so sometimes if you're not confident with

Starting point is 00:06:22 something, it's if the more that you can get repetition around something. So like for me, I was for years, I was not good and not confident at public speaking, but I just kept doing it over and over and over and over and over again. And now it's just normal to me because I've probably got about 25,000 hours of public speaking at this point in time. And so for me, it's, I'm way more confident just from the repetition. And so how do we get repetition if we're not actually on stage all the time? Well, what do you do? You visualize it and whatever it is that you're nervous about, or you want to be more confident in, can you visualize it over and over and over again?

Starting point is 00:07:03 Because your brain does not know the difference between something that you're visualizing and something that you're actually doing. And so if you want to get more confident in something, just try to start visualizing the way that you want it to go over and over and over again. See the person that you want to be. See yourself giving that presentation at work and crushing it and your boss coming up to you and saying, oh my gosh, Stacey, that was amazing. You did such a good job. See yourself as a confident person. Most people unintentionally visualize everything that they don't want. And then they're curious why they're so afraid to take action. It's because you're visualizing in your head everything that you don't want most of the time. And so you can use visualization to help you do this as well.

Starting point is 00:07:45 That's number two. Third thing that'll help you out is using affirmations. Now, when I say use affirmations, I don't mean sit there and close your eyes and say, I'm confident, I'm confident, I'm confident, I'm confident, I'm confident. When I say affirmations, I mean talk better to yourself. Talk better to yourself. I want you to think of it that way. Think of the worst person in your life. Like think of the person who's been the most of a pain in the ass in your entire life. There's a really good chance that you have talked worse to yourself than they have talked to you. There's a pretty good chance that you are worse to yourself than they are to you.

Starting point is 00:08:22 And so when you talk with affirmations, it doesn't mean just, hey, I'm going to just lie to myself. What it means is actually paying attention to the story and the narrative that's going on in your head all the time and start noticing and really being aware of what it is that you are saying to yourself. It's really mind-boggling to me to see how many people just are not really aware of the way they speak to themselves. And then when they become aware, they're like, holy shit, I am not nice to myself. And so really what it comes down to is start to affirm the way that you want to think about yourself and affirm the way that you want the world to be and start talking to yourself better. So if you notice yourself talk down to yourself, immediately become self-aware of it and say,

Starting point is 00:09:06 oh, I just noticed myself doing this. What I'm gonna do now is I'm gonna say three positive things. If I notice one way that I don't want to think, then I'm going to change it by saying three things that I do want to think immediately and to make sure that I pay attention to that. And to also notice that I can say affirmations

Starting point is 00:09:24 and an affirmation is just the way that we speak to ourself. But another way to do an affirmation is something called an incantation, which is basically the easiest way I think of it as like a affirmation with power, with more energy behind it. And like, if you think about the scariest moment of your life, the scariest moment of your life is usually charged with a lot of emotion. And so you have one big event that happens in your life and it's charged with a lot of emotion. So if we want these affirmations to be more powerful, we need to charge them with a lot of emotion, with incantations, which is, you know, if you're starting to think to yourself like, oh, I'm weak or something like that. Well, then when you go to the gym, let's say you go for a run, right?

Starting point is 00:10:06 And you just start saying to yourself, I'm strong, I'm strong, I'm strong. And you're saying it with power, with emotion while you're on the run. And you're actually starting to reprogram the way that you speak to yourself. And so start to pay attention much more to the way that you speak to yourself.

Starting point is 00:10:20 That's number three. Number four is to fail. Just fail and realize that when you fail and fail, I'm talking about like fall on your face because success and failure are not the opposite. Success and failure are just different spectrums, different ends of a spectrum. It's like one coin. You have heads and you have tails. You can't have heads without having tails. We can't have success without having failure. They're the opposite sides of the same coin. They're on a spectrum. One's on one side, the other's on the other. Success is 99% failure. Fall on your face and

Starting point is 00:10:53 realize that failure will not kill you. Once you see that failure will not kill you, you won't fear it as much. It's not really a big deal. People who I have found that are extremely successful want to fail in a new endeavor as fast as possible because they want to get it out of the way. People I see who are unsuccessful try to avoid failure. And so, you know, fall on your face and pick yourself up and keep on going because even failing and then picking yourself

Starting point is 00:11:24 and continue to keep going builds confidence. Because you're saying, you know what? I'm getting up and I'm doing this for myself. I'm proud of myself for doing that. That builds a lot of confidence. The feeling of I'm not willing to give up on myself will build confidence. A confident person is not born that way. A confident person has built people.

Starting point is 00:11:41 How do you build yourself? Do it. Do what you don't want to do. Fail. Screw it up. Get up and keep going and remind yourself, look at me. Look at what I'm doing. Look at what I'm doing for myself. So that's number four. Number five is say yes to more things out of your comfort zone. Start to seek discomfort. When you would normally say no, say yes. Try that out for a little while. A lot of times you're like, no, I don't really feel like going out to that networking event. Whenever you feel that moment come up, go, yes, I'll go. Shit,

Starting point is 00:12:12 all right, now I got to go to it. I already agreed to it. And when you start to do this, you start to seek things that are out of your comfort zone. Once again, just like failure, you realize it's not going to kill you, but you're doing something you've never done before. Remind yourself how awesome that is. Remind yourself that you're growing. Another way to think about it is all too often we're looking out of the windshield, the front in front of us, where we want to go, what we want to do. Not too often enough do we actually look in the rear view mirror and be like, oh my God, look at how far I've come. If you would take more time to stop and think about how far you've come and what you've

Starting point is 00:12:49 done and what you've overcome and how strong you are. Like one of the things I said a few episodes ago is like any woman who's ever had, who's ever given birth should just remind themselves of that and realize that nothing is harder than that. Like, just remind yourself, I'm a badass. I've given birth to three children. I can build a fucking business. I got this. Like, remind yourself of how much of a badass you are and just keep on reminding yourself of these things. Because all too often we look at, you know, where we aren't and where we're not, you know, oh my gosh, I want to be here, but I'm not there yet. But a lot of times you don't look in the rear view mirror and be like,

Starting point is 00:13:24 oh my God, look at all the things that I've overcome. Look at all the ways that I've, these crazy, I had this really hard thing that happened to me that I overcame. And I had this death that happened. And I had this divorce that happened. And I had this that happened. I overcame it. You know what? I'm a lot stronger than I think I am. And just start reminding yourself of those things. And then number six, And just start reminding yourself of those things. And then number six, you just gotta do what you don't wanna do.

Starting point is 00:13:47 You do. Build confidence by just doing what it is that you don't wanna do. You gotta get in cold water sometimes. I was just in Sedona last week and they have a creek that flows through Sedona and it's cold. It was like 40 degrees. And I was sitting there and I knew I wanted to 40 degrees. And I was sitting there and I knew I

Starting point is 00:14:06 wanted to do it. And I was sitting there and I was breathing. And as I'm doing it, that little voice pops up inside of my head. It's like, no, no, no, don't do it. You know, it was funny because I jumped out of the car, told Lauren I was going to go and jump inside of the water. And there was literally the voice inside of my head was going, you know, if you come back and you're not wet, Lauren will understand. She'll be like, yeah, it is really cold. I completely get it. Like Lauren wouldn't be like, oh, you're a little bitch. Why didn't you jump in the water? So I even had this voice in my head that was just like, Lauren would understand. And I was like, no, fuck you. I'm going to be doing it anyways. And so I had the voice keep

Starting point is 00:14:40 coming. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to jump in the water, but I did want to jump in the water. I didn't want to, I didn't want to jump in the water because of how it feels. I did want to jump in the water based off of how I'm going to feel after I get out of the water and all of the energy that I'm going to have, but also the sense of confidence of you did it and you didn't want to do it. When you keep doing stuff like that is when you start to build confidence. You know, you wake up and you're like, I'm tired. I don't want to get this workout in. But you do it anyways. That's when you start to build confidence. When you hear the alarm go off in the morning and you normally would hit the snooze and you decide to get up and do what you don't want to do, that's when you start to build

Starting point is 00:15:16 confidence. And so you've got to start seeking opportunities to do things that you don't want to do. Because every time that you take just a little bit of a step outside of your comfort zone and you do a little bit of the things that you don't want to do, you build a little bit just a little bit of a step outside of your comfort zone and you do a little bit of the things that you don't want to do, you build a little bit more confidence, a little bit more confidence, a little bit more confidence. And you won't wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person that's completely confident. But if you keep expanding yourself out of your comfort zone just a little bit every single day, you notice in a year, you're way more confident than you were. You notice in two years, five

Starting point is 00:15:44 years, you're way more confident than you were. You notice in two years, five years, you're way more confident than you were. I've seen people that go through 30 days of just concentrating on growing themselves. And the end of those 30 days, they're way more confident just because of a consistent pushing themselves out of their comfort zone. The way I like to think of a comfort zone, and I've said this before in the podcast, it's like a rubber band, right? When you have a rubber band, if you pull it just a little bit, it won't break. But if you pull it and get it to its peak of where it can go, it'll really try to force you back to normal. It'll really try to pull you back in. But if you pull, pull, pull,

Starting point is 00:16:16 pull, pull long enough, eventually it snaps. That's what you're trying to do with your comfort zone. You're trying to just expand it a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. And eventually you snap that comfort zone and you never go back to the same person you were before. I always say it, the mind is like a plastic bag, not an elastic bag. And when it's a plastic bag, if you pull it, it never goes back to the same size that it was before. That's what you're trying to do. You're trying to break the word brain. You're trying to break the bag. You're trying to expand yourself past what you're comfortable doing now. And if you just seek this discomfort, seek to do things a little bit further

Starting point is 00:16:48 outside of your comfort zone every single day, you'll look back in a year and you'll be a completely different person. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories and tag me at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you're the type of person who is looking to grow themselves and you know right now that nothing will change unless you change, the year 2024 will not be better than 2023 unless you change and you make it better. I'm running a 30-day challenge throughout the course of January. It's called Level Up 30, where over the course of 30 days, I'm going to be coaching you every single weekday on a group coaching format with

Starting point is 00:17:25 everybody else who's going through the challenge. And we're going to be pushing ourselves, hitting six different pillars every single day for 30 days straight to break ourselves out of our comfort zone and to grow ourselves into a better version of ourselves. If you're interested in learning more about it, you can go to levelup30.com. So levelup30.com. There's a video that explains everything. You can look at testimonies from over 5,000 people that have gone through these challenges in the past, check it out and see if it's right for you. Once again, it is level up 30.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make somebody else's day better.

Starting point is 00:17:57 I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - 6 Ways To Build Your Confidence

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