The Mindset Mentor - 8 Things To Leave in 2021

Episode Date: December 30, 2021

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to receive motivational text messages from me directly to your cell phone, text me right now. If you live in the United States or Canada, 1-512-580-9305. Once again, 1-512-580-9305. Today, we're going to be talking about the eight things that I want you to leave in 2021. We're going to talk about what you should leave in the past. You should never look back. You should never miss these things. I'm going to give you eight things that I think that you should leave in the past. If you never look back. You should never miss these things. I'm going to give you eight things that I think you should leave in the past. If you want to take notes, please take notes.

Write these things down and then start to think about yourself as we're going through this and think, yeah, what are these things that I need to leave in the past? So let's go ahead and go through them and let's leave them in 2021. So number one, I want you to leave your toxic fucking relationships in the past. I don't know how many times I need to say this on the podcast. You guys know I'm passionate about this. I'm passionate about your relationships. I'm passionate about the people that you spend your time with.

I'm passionate about the people that are around you because I know from a literally experiential standpoint, I know from my life, the way that being around good people and being around toxic people makes me feel and how I can look at all that I have and all that I've had come through my life and the success that I've had and all of these things. I can look at them and go, no man is an island. I know that I am who I am because the people that I was around when I was younger, the way I was raised, the people that I started hanging out with as soon as I got into college that wanted more for themselves. They weren't just about partying and all that stuff. So when I say I want you to leave your toxic relationships behind,

stop just listening to me and not do anything about it and actually think to yourself, who is toxic that does not deserve to be in my future? Who is it? Who's the person who are the people who are drainers? They drain you. Being around them is literally just an energy suck. Can you think of, if somebody's in the front of your mind, that is the person. What can you do to leave your toxic relationships in the back? I know how it is to be in toxic relationships. I know how it is to feel emotionally drained from being around somebody that maybe you've been friends with your entire life. Maybe they're part of your family. Maybe

there's somebody who is a big part of your past, but just because they were a part of your past does not mean that they have to be part of your future. Now, I know every time I say this, it's always the exact same thing. People are like, oh yeah, but you can't get rid of everybody in your life. I understand that to a degree. I understand it, right? I get it. But there's also the point where you have to realize, okay, can I spend a whole lot less time with these people? Can I be so busy working on myself that I don't have time for people who are toxic, that I don't have time for people that are emotionally draining? And so the first thing that I want you to leave in 2021 and never bring into 2022, and don't even try to think about picking it up into the next year or any other year,

the rest of your life, is toxic and emotionally draining relationships. Okay? The next thing is negative self-talk. Listen, I understand we can't control our first thought, but we can always control our second thought. And that's the important thing is to realize that, hey, we're not going to be perfect in our self-talk. I'm still not perfect in my self-talk and I don't anticipate having to be perfect in my negative self-talk. But what I do anticipate is that if a negative idea, if a negative thought, if something comes into my head that doesn't line up with the

future that I want, that I am going to figure out a way to release it and to change my next thought. And so I've had one of my very, very, very dear friends. She was really, really bad years ago at the way she would talk to herself. And she's such a bubbly and happy person. When she came to me and started telling me this, I was like, are you, you actually say that stuff in your own head? She's like, yes, it's terrible. It's horrible. And I can't stop. And over years we started working on it and she started working. She did the work. I didn't do the work. I just gave her a little bit of advice as far as like, Hey, whenever you notice a negative thought come into your head, write it down with pen and paper, and then ask yourself what you wish that thought would have been. And she worked on it and it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy at all.

And there were so many times that she called me and she was crying. And there was things that she's like, I just can't stop. I can't turn my negative brain off. And it took a few years and it took time. And she started listening to me finally. She started writing down the negative things

that she would say. She would look at it and say, what would I prefer to stay in this moment? Because once again, you can't control your first thought, but you can control your second thought. And what's crazy about it is she's been working on herself for so long now, the first thought is not a negative thought anymore.

The first thought is now what was her second thought because she's been working so hard on it. What I want you to leave in the past is your negative self-talk, the talk that is not getting you anywhere because whatever you think about the most, you will create in your life. If you're thinking about a lot of negativity, I promise you, you're creating a lot of negativity as well. So that's the second thing is negative self-talk. Third thing is not following through. I want you to leave not following through for yourself and every single person in your life in 2021. I don't want you to bring it in anymore. I want you, when you think of a goal, when you think of something that you

want to do, even if it's like, hey, I want to warm up on the treadmill for 10 minutes today, you don't get off of that damn treadmill until 10 minutes is over. And you do every single thing that you become so diligent on making sure that you follow through and do what you say you're going to do. And not only that, but when you do something, you finish that task. When you wake up in the morning, you make that bed. When you use a coffee mug, you wash that mug. You dry it off and you put it away. You don't even worry about throwing inside the dishwasher.

You finish every single task that needs to be done and you become very diligent on it. What you realize is when you start to master the little things, your life, your happiness, your joy, your success, all the money that you you make they don't come from big things in your life They come from little teeny tiny things done every single day. And so if you can master this little thing every single day multiple tasks All day long and following through and doing what you say you're going to do You're going to notice that by the end of this year, you're going to be a completely different person So leave not following through for yourself and for people that you love in 2021. Number four is reacting in the moment versus taking time to breathe. When I was younger and I used to coach

a lot of people and I still coach obviously a lot more people now, but when I was young and I first started getting into coaching, there's a phrase that we used to say all the time. When emotions are high, logic is low. Let me explain what that means. When emotions are high, logic is low. When your emotions are high, it actually turns off the prefrontal cortex of your brain. The prefrontal cortex is where your inhibitions are and it's also where you do all of your thinking, your main thinking, your processing is done there. And so when you have really high emotions, you know, your boyfriend says something to you and it just freaking drives you up the wall. When your emotions are high, your logic is low,

which means that you ever said something and then after you said it, in the heat of the moment, you say it and you're like, oh shit, I regret saying that. That wasn't the thing I should have said or that's not a thing that I wanted to say. Well, it's because your emotions were high, but your logic was low.

So what I want you to do in 2021 or 2022 is actually starting to take time. Become aware of your emotions. I had another friend. Another friend and she was, you know, she used to talk about, talk to me about how emotional she is and she gets very ramped up. She's very calm. She's happy as well. She's peaceful, but she has a very short fuse and it, you know, it doesn't happen very often.

When it happens, it happens. And she gets really angry about stuff. And we talked about this. And we started talking about, hey, when you start to notice the feelings ramping up, take a breath, okay? Take some time. You notice the feelings.

So before you react, you notice the feelings started to bubble up inside of your body, right? What does that feeling feel like? I was asking her. So for you, what does that feeling feel like? What's it like to feel those feelings? And then just take six deep breaths, breathe in through your nose, breathe out a long exhale through your mouth, and then stop reacting in the moment and take time to breathe, to make sure that you're taking

the right action, to see if maybe you're offended or you're triggered by something that maybe was taken the wrong way by you and it was taken out of context. Maybe it's not what the person meant to say or maybe it's not what actually happened. Think about that for a second. Sometimes we see things through our own narrow perspective and miss other people's perspective. So what I want you to do is I want you to leave reacting in the moment, in the past, and this year, take time to breathe. 60 breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth. So that's number four. Hey, everybody. It's that time of year. The earth is starting another trip around the sun. And whether or not it's one of your news resolutions, getting smart about investing

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start saving at truebill.com slash dial. Once again, that is truebill.com slash dial. Number five is people pleasing. Stop fucking people pleasing. Okay. You know, and part of this as far as people pleasing is doing what other people want you to do One of the things that I find That is a skill set Is to learn how to say no to get better at saying no sometimes what we do is If you're a people pleaser is we think that we should say yes to as many people as possible because we don't want to let Them down and what happens a lot of times is if you say yes to as many people as possible because we don't want to let them down. And what happens a lot of times is if you say yes to something and you can't follow through the way that you want to, and then you don't end up following through exactly the way that the person wanted you to

either, is you didn't want to let them down so you didn't say no. And then you let them down because you didn't follow through in the way that they expected, the way that you should have. So what happens? You let them down. And that's what what sucks And so what I want you to do is I want you to take people pleasing and I want you to drop that in 2021 Leave it and don't bring it with you into 2022 realizing that sometimes hey You know as far as people pleasing as well thinking about other people's opinions thinking about oh Should I post this on instagram because maybe my mom's gonna see it or should I do this because you know, whatever it is Should I should I quit my job? What are my parents going to think? All of this stuff. Stop worrying about other people and their opinions of you and what they think that you should do. Stop trying to be

a people pleaser because the only person you should be worried about pleasing is yourself. Now, if some people would say that's narcissistic, it's not as long as you're not hurting anybody. You have to think about that. This is your life. Stop trying to live a life for other people. This is your life. What is it that you want to do? Stop trying to please other people and start actually living for yourself. So that's number five is stop the people pleasing. Number six is the guilt of your past. Leave all of the guilt that you can in your past. One of the things that I see that holds a lot of people back is that they're carrying all of this burden with them. They're carrying it into every single new year. That's freaking exhausting to be always carrying something with you.

And it's like a phrase that I remember that I love to think about. And the phrase is, the mountains that you're carrying, you were only meant to climb. So it's like the hardships that you went through in the past that you're still carrying with you, still living every single moment. Like something could have happened to you seven years ago, and you're still putting yourself through the emotional pain that you did the day that that happened or the day after that happened and you're recreating the event every single day The event happened in the past. There's nothing you can do about it, but you're recreating the feelings of that event every single day That's tough every single day

Every single day. And so what I want you to do is I want you to stop Making yourself feeling guilty for things that you've done. You did the best that you could with what you had. We're always doing the best we can. You and all of the mistakes that you've made in the past, all of the guilt that you have for things that you've done or things that you didn't do or decisions that you made or decisions that you didn't make, leave them in the past. You did the best that you could with what you had.

And every person who's ever done something wrong to you in the past, realize this, they were also doing the best they could with what they had. That's just the truth of the matter. And so what I want you to do is I want you to leave all of the guilt of everything that you've gone through, everything that you've done that you wish you would have done better, leave it all in the past.

Number seven, I want you to leave all of your shoulds in the past. The shoulds, the things that you should do, the places that you should be, the money that you should have made, the relationship that you should be in the past. The shoulds, the things that you should do, the places that you should be, the money that you should have made, the relationship that you should be in, the children that you should have, the should, the should, the should. You have to stop shoulding all over yourself. Stop shoulding all over yourself. Leave the shoulds in the back. And you have to just think about it this way. If you just think about it this way, anytime that you say the word should, there should be a mini alarm that goes off in your head that goes, don't say this,

don't say this, don't say this. And you immediately stop yourself in the moment and you go, okay, how can I rethink and reposition what I'm talking about right now? Because when I say I should be at this, you know, there's a lot of people, I'm, you know, 35 right now. A lot of people I know are like, I should be married by now. And I'm like, really? Should? Who told you that you should be married? Because you're living in a construct that isn't even your construct. It's not even your real life. Oh, I should have children by now because I'm getting older. Okay, sure. But do you have the kids yet? You don't? Are you in the relationship to have kids? You're not? Okay. Well, cool. Well, why am I going to shit all over myself? And why don't I focus on step number one,

which is taking care of myself and making sure that I'm the best that I could be so that I could attract the partner that's going to be the best for me as well. And so then at that point in time, we can figure out having kids, all of that stuff. And so when you think of like, oh, this is what I should have done earlier today. Okay. well, you didn't, even if it wasn't years ago, if it was just today. Stop saying the word should, where you should be, what you should be doing, the kids that you should have, the promotions that you should get, the money that you should be making, the house that you should have, but you still live in an apartment. Leave all of those things, all of that judgment in the past, because that's all that it is is really you judging yourself

And then number eight last but not least. This is a big one for a lot of people Leave not asking for help in the past Leave not asking for help in the past One of the things that I see that a lot of people really struggle with is asking for help. We think that we should be independent. It's all, you know, it's our society. Oh, we should be able to get it done. We should be able to do it. And it's this way for both sexes. But I also see this with a lot of men. A lot of men just don't have friends that they could talk to and actually say like, hey man, like this is what I'm going through. Can I get some help? Hey,

you know, it could be a man or it could be a woman that they ask for help for as well. And so, you know, what I want you to do is number one, is to stop not asking for help. Don't think that you don't deserve help. Don't think that you should have this on your own. Because I'll tell you what, it becomes so much easier in your life when you just start to learn that you don't have it all figured out and you'll never have it figured out. Really, it becomes so much easier. One of my favorite phrases that I've started saying over the past couple of years, it's just been so freeing. You ready? I don't know. I just, I don't know. I used to be the person that acted like I knew everything. Now I'm the person that acts like I don't know anything, right? And when you listen to this podcast, you may be like, well,

I would think that he thinks that he does everything. I don't know like I don't know anything, right? And, you know, when you listen to this podcast, you may be like, well, I would think that he thinks that he does everything. I don't know. I don't think that I think that I know anything at all. You know, it's like I'm just, when I'm speaking in the microphone, I'm just talking and I'm talking for myself. And this is stuff to remind me every single day. And hopefully you get something from it. I'm not a perfect being and I don't ever want to be perfect because that would be boring, right?

And so I need to ask for help more and you need to ask for help more. And so we have to realize like we just don't know everything and we don't know, we don't know, we don't know who can help us and who can't help us. And so one of the things that I want you to leave in the past is not asking for help. I want you to get better at asking for help. Can you do that? Can you get better at asking people around you for help if you're going through some things? If you need help to improve, it doesn't even have to be going through bad things. It could be going through things just in general. How can you find some spotters around you

to help you through this amazing game of life that sometimes can be hard? I want you to start asking for more help. So those are the eight things that I want you to leave in 2021. I want you to start asking for more help. So those are the eight things that I want you to leave in 2021. I want you to leave the toxic relationships in 2021. I want you to leave negative self-talk in 2021. I want you to leave not following through for yourself and people around you in 2021. I want you to take reacting in the moment and start taking some time to breathe. I want you to take reacting in the moment and leave that in 2021. I want you to stop your people pleasing and leave that in 2021. I want you to leave your guilt

for your past in 2021. I want you to leave all of your shoulds in 2021. And I want you to leave your not asking for help in 2021. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it in Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you're out there and you want to make 2022 the best year of your life, join my Iron Mind 30 30-day challenge where I'm going to be coaching you every single day for 30 days inside of a private Facebook group. And we're going to be pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone for 30 days straight to break our comfort zone, to get that little voice inside of our head and destroy it, and to start creating the future

that we want. So if you're interested in learning more about that, go to ironmind30.com, I-R-O-N-M-I-N-D 30.com. There's a video there that explains everything to you. I would love to see you in there. There's going to be over a thousand of us in there. We'd love to see you in there. Once again, ironmind30.com. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.