The Mindset Mentor - Are You Offended?

Episode Date: February 28, 2020

What are you offended by? What pisses you off? What make you emotional? Have you ever taken a step back and asked "WHY does this offend me?" chances are it's because it was programmed into you. In this episode, I am going to talk about how to stop being offended and take back control of your own life.Follow me on Instagram @RobDialJr https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. Today, I'm going to be talking about what offends you and what you say that offends other people. And you guys have heard me talk a little bit about this before. We're going to talk about cussing. We're going to talk about words. We're going to talk about actions. We're going to talk about all of those things. And we're going to talk about what offends you and also how you offend other people. And the reason why I want to dive into this is because I got an email, a nice email the other day from someone that said, could you stop cussing in

your podcast? And the answer is no. And it's not to not offend people, but because here's the first thing I have 650, my first 650 episodes, I don't think I cussed more than 10 times. And I did that because I heard people say that they were in their car with their children and all of this stuff. But then what I realized was that if I'm holding back what I naturally would say, like I love cussing. I do. And I reason why is because I love words and I love what words, uh, the passion that words can bring in. And if I'm not bringing out my true self, when I'm giving you a message, then I'm not giving you all of me. And you don't want to listen to me if I'm not giving you all of me. Does that make sense? I want to give all of me because if I feel like I'm restricting and

there's certain things I can't say, well, then the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. If I'm not being my true self in the words that I'm saying, because I'm trying not to cuss, well, maybe I'm not bringing out my true self when I'm actually on the mic trying to perform for you guys and give you everything that I have. Because there's one thing that I do know is that when I turn the mic on and when I hit record, I try to give 110% every single time. And let's talk about cussing first off. And you guys may have heard me talk with us in previous episodes, but cussing is a very interesting thing. And the reason why is because I was raised not to cuss as well. Just like most people, I was raised not to cuss.

And then I realized that a word is a word. And if somebody takes offense to it, that's not my fault. That's their own programming. If I take offense to something, that's not somebody else's fault. That's my own programming. And so, you know, if you don't like cussing, no big deal. But one thing I want you to think about is why don't you like cussing? Because all it is, is just a sound coming out of somebody's face. That's it. Like at its most basic form, it is a sound coming out of somebody's face, but you were programmed at some point in time to think that is bad. No cuss word is actually inherently bad. It's because people put a label on something and we have believed that label based off of what we were told.

Right. And I always use this example. My mom doesn't like purple popsicles. Guess what? Because my mom never liked purple popsicles as a child. When I was a child, guess what? I don't like, I don't like purple popsicles because I was, I somehow learned. It's not because she said, Hey, purple popsicles are bad. Don't ever have them. It's just part of me went, Oh, there must be something wrong with them. If my mom doesn't like them, then of course, yeah, I shouldn't like there must be something wrong. Well, if your mom didn't like cuss words, there must be something wrong is the way that you might think of them subconsciously and it's programmed deep into us. And as you've heard me say,

when you're in the jar, you can't read the label. I want you to think deeply about all of the ways that we're programmed, not to be malicious in any sort of way, but we're programmed to think this is good, this is bad. When it's not inherently good or bad, it just is. Everything in this world just is. There is no good. There is no bad. There's no good words. There's no bad words. It's just

the label that we've been taught to put onto them. And this doesn't just go for cuss words. There's a lot of other things. You know, like for instance, first thing that pops into my head is there's no bad skin color. Like I happen to be a white guy, but I don't look at somebody who's black or Asian or somebody who's Indian and go, oh, that's a bad skin color. Like I would never do that. But some people are trained from their childhood through their parents to think that some sort of skin color is bad, right? You guys understand this.

This is where racism comes from. It's a racism is programmed into people the same way that certain things that you've gotten for your parents is not even from them maliciously putting it into you. It's because you just saw and realized, oh, this is good. This is bad because children, what we do is we learn when we're children, we learn what we're told, but we learn not even more, more so we learn by actually what we see. And so if we see somebody cuss, and then one of our parents gets a little irked by it, they get the movement, they're like, oh yeah. And then they go into the car and they're like, yeah, I just don't like the way that she speaks because that's not the way

that a gentleman, or not the way that he would speak, the way that a gentleman would speak. I don't like the way that she speaks. That's not the way that a lady speaks. And I've, I've told this story before, but I had my mom and her sisters come out and visit me in Austin. And it was, you know, the three of them, the four of them. And, um, and I was in the car and I dropped the word fuck. And I did because why I love that word. I think it leaves, it gives so much emphasis. I love storytelling and I love bringing people into a story, making them feel something. And I dropped it. And one of them goes, do you have to use that word? And I was like, do I have to? No, I don't have to use it, but I choose to. And she's like, well, why do you choose

to? And I'm like, because it's, there's so much richness to the word and it gives so much emotion. And when I use it, I feel like it's, it pulls you into what I'm actually talking about. I love words. I love storytelling. I love trying to make you get a feeling. And she's like, yeah, but you know, there's just so many better words than that. And I was like, that's interesting. What makes, what makes this word better than that word? And she's like, well, it makes it because of this, this, and it went, and I was like, that's interesting. Tell me more, tell me more. We deeper and deeper. I was like, where did that come from? Where did you

learn this deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper? And 20 minutes later, I ended up finding out the reason why they don't like cuss words is because my grandma, who I love dearly, used to tell them when they were children that unintelligent people cuss. And so since childhood, they've thought like nobody wants to be unintelligent, right? But they thought, okay, if unintelligent people cuss, I don't want to be unintelligent, right? But they've thought, okay, if unintelligent people cuss, I don't want to be unintelligent. So I don't want to cuss. And we have all of these little programmings of the words that we use the way that, and if I can't freely say the words that I want to freely say, there's proof through physiology

and through science that if you can't freely be yourself, then in some sort of way, not only are you restricting your words, but you're restricting your muscular and skeleton that your actual physical body is restricted. And the last thing I want to do is restrict myself. What I want to do is I want to expand myself into the world. And so if I can't say words because of the way other people are programmed, then I'm not only holding back, but I'm also doing harm to myself. And listen, I understand that this message is not going to come across to everybody to make a whole lot of sense. Some of you guys are still going to be like, yeah, well, cussing is bad.

And I would literally challenge you to take a pen and paper and ask yourself, why is cussing bad? And write it down at the pen and paper and find out what the answer is and do what I call the seven levels of why. You ask yourself, why is cussing bad? And you answer that question. And then you go, but why is that? And you answer the question. You ask yourself another question and then you get the answer. And then you say, but why is that to that answer? And you say, why is that to that answer? And you go seven levels deep and you realize, oh my God, I'm not living my own life. I'm living a life that I was taught to live. And that's really the essence of this whole entire episode is we were taught to be a certain way. And you have to

realize guys, like raising children is hard and you have to socialize them. A child is not socialized when they first come out. And, you know, at the same time, you don't want to drop, you know, drop a cuss word and then your child goes to school and drops a cuss word as well, because then you're seen as that parent. Oh my God, you must be a terrible parent if your children cuss, right? It's just a word. But what I want you to realize is that if you like cussing and other people around you don't like cussing right? It's just a word. But what I want you to realize is that if you like cussing and other people around you don't like cussing, it's not your responsibility to walk on eggshells to make sure that you don't make other people uncomfortable. Now, let me make

sure I get this very clear. I'm not saying go out and be an asshole to everybody and go try to offend people. That is not what I'm saying. As long as your actions are not going out to harm people intentionally, and it's to be your truest version of yourself, there is nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. Your opinion might differ. And that's completely cool. You can have your own opinion. That's the beautiful thing about being a human. Your opinions might be different than mine. And I'm not trying to persuade you to start, you know, cussing at every person that you meet. What I'm trying to persuade you to do is sit down with a pen and paper and start asking yourself, why, why do I hate the cussing? Why does it offend me? And this isn't just cussing. This is everything. Why do I hate it when people talk down to me?

Why do I get emotional when people start to yell? And you start to go back further and further and further. And you realize these are all things that were built into you from zero to six years old. 95% of who a human is, unless they go back and start to reverse it, 95% of what they do, the way they act was programmed into them by the age of six years old right now. So it's not your responsibility to walk on eggshells to make other people not feel uncomfortable, to make other people not feel uncomfortable around you, right? Don't give up your true authentic self. If you get offended by, so there's two sides of this, right? There's what offends you,

which is what I'm talking about. And there's who you offend. So I want to be very clear on this. If you get offended by certain things, whether it's cuss words, whether it's, you know, like I said, if you get offended by a race that's been programmed into you, if you get offended by, you know, or if you get emotional, or if you get this, you get this, you get this, you have to go, why am I like this? And once you start to realize is you can't read the job, you can't read the label if you're stuck inside of the jar. And once you get out of the jar, you can read the label. So many people are stuck in the jar that they don't even know who they truly are because they've never taken themselves out of the jar to look at the label and go, why do I, is this who,

is this how I truly feel? Or is this how I was taught to act? Is this how I was taught to feel? Is this how I was taught to be? Once again, I was taught to feel? Is this how I was taught to be? Once again, I'm not saying go out and offend people. So there's that side that says, why am I offended? Because as Eleanor Roosevelt said, one of my favorite quotes is that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So are people making you feel inferior or offending you or making you emotional or making you feel sad or making you feel pissed off because you consented to feeling that way. You consented to feeling that way. So there's one side, which is what offends you. The other side is who you offend. Once again, I'm not saying go out and, and maliciously try to tear people down because you can do whatever

you want. That's definitely not what I'm saying. But I'm saying be your true authentic self, but make sure you're doing it in a loving way where you are being your true authentic self and not going out and trying to offend people. You have to realize that. Like you have to truly be who you are. And this took a while for me.

And this is why I didn't cuss for so long. And then I realized I'm not giving a hundred percent of me. And I don't want someone to listen to my podcast. If they're not, you know, drinking the same Kool-Aid, if they're not my ride or die. And if I offend people and I knew, I knew that once I started cussing a lot more in my podcast, that people would stop listening. And I went, you know what? That's sad, but you know, that's just not, uh, you know what? That's sad, but you know, that's just not, uh, you know, that's just not my message. That's not who I truly am. And some people are going to be offended and that's okay. If they are, there's 700,000 other

podcasts that they can listen to. There's all kinds of other podcasts episodes. And maybe one day they go, you know what? This cussing thing isn't as bad. And they come back and listen to mine. And if they do, I'll welcome them with open arms, big old hug. They can come and join us and, you know, drink the Kool-Aid and have some fun. But you have to realize that, you know, and it's hard to, it's hard to, it's hard to quote Bill Cosby nowadays based off of all the things that he's done. But he has a great quote that says, I don't know the key to success, but I know the key to failure is to try to please everybody. Because you have to realize if I'm not cussing, then there's some people that feel like I'm not giving a hundred percent. If I'm cussing, then there's some people that feel like, oh my gosh,

cuss words are bad. Right? So there's the two sides of it. What offends you and what you're offended by? Because even if you're not offended by cuss words, there's something that you're offended by. There's something that irks you, that makes you mad. That makes you sad. That makes you emotional, makes you pissed off. What is it? Start to get a pen and paper and actually legitimately don't just listen to this podcast, but implement what I'm telling you, because you're going to find out some stuff about yourself that you never even knew. Because what's happening is you're reading, you're outside of the jar of your own head and your own programming. And now you're reading the label and you can go, is this who I truly want to be? Is this my true

authentic self? And if it is, keep it. And if it's not, ask yourself how you can change it. And then on the other side, it's who you authentically want to be. If you're listening to this podcast episode, I do not want you to give up any of your authenticity and who you truly want to be because you think that somebody else is going to be offended by it or doesn't believe in it. I know so many people, guys, I talk to so many people that listen to my podcast. I go through my coachings that are in my coaching programs and they're not even living their own lives. They're living the life that their parents want them to live. They went to school and got a degree because that's

what their parents told them again. They went to, you know, and they were trapped because their parents were paying for the school and they were paying for, you know, their room and board and their food and all of this stuff. And they're kind of trapped and they're like, well, I have no money coming in. I have to do what my parents say. And then they go and they become a doctor and they're 37 years old and they're depressed and they want to commit suicide because of the fact that they've been living 37 years and not one decision that they've made in their life feels like it's actually theirs. I can't tell you how many people I've talked to in this situation. And the reason why is because they haven't been living their true authentic self. If your parents told you that you have to do something and it's not what you truly want, you have to question that

and go, what do I truly want? And you have to follow what you truly want and go, mom and dad, I love you, but you have to realize like, this is what I truly feel. This is how I truly am. This is what I want to do. It might not be what you want me to do, but I need you to support me. I need you to still be there and I need you to still love me. Because once again, you have to realize that you might be living somebody else's life. And if you are offended by words, and I'm just using cuss words as the example, you guys have to realize there's so many different examples, but I'm just using cuss words as one example, because it's very easy. You can hear cuss words walking down the street. You probably cuss a lot. Some of you guys, some of you guys hate cussing. And so it's very relatable to everybody, no matter what side of

the road that you're on. And you have to realize if you're holding back your true authentic self, whatever that is, then you're restricting yourself. You're restricting your, your, your skeletal figures, restricting your muscular figures. You're everything is tightening up inside your body because you're coiling away from who you truly are. And on the other side of that, if you're being offended by certain things, once again, whether that's cuss words or whatever people say or do or how they act or whatever, you have to ask yourself, why does that offend me? You know, there's one thing that I know, I've seen a lot of people, that just pops into my head that's completely unrelated to cussing, but it's completely related to this. Some people get offended when they see someone that's

overweight because they think, oh my gosh, well, I go to the gym. That person's just lazy. That person just acts that way. That person won't take care of themselves. And it's like, really, that's an interesting thing. Why are you being offended by somebody else's weight? That's something to start unravel. I've worked with a lot of people on that before where they, you guys have heard of, you know, fat shaming, or even if they don't go out and actually fat shame and say anything out loud, there's a lot of people that they see somebody and they're like, why doesn't that person just get it together? Why doesn't the person do this? You know, that's, it's so much easier if they really cared about their health,

they would take care of themselves. They eat better. They do this, they do this, they do this. And then my question to you would be, if you feel that way, why, why is someone else's body offending you? Just like someone else's words are offending you. Why is someone else's body offending you? Just like someone else's words are offending you. Why is somebody else's body? Why is somebody else's decision offending you? And you have to start unraveling it and realize the way that you feel might not actually be the way that you truly feel. It might just be the way that you've been taught to feel. And that's where things start to get real hairy and real crazy. So realize when you give up and you get, you, you, you give up your own sovereignty. When you get offended, you give up your own sovereignty. When somebody makes you emotional, you give up your own sovereignty and your own control of your own self. Whenever you start to,

whenever you start to be offended or start to get emotional, start to get sad, whenever you start to be offended or start to get emotional, start to get sad, because between the, the hearing of somebody say something and the feeling of being offended, there's a thought, and it might be a quick little half a second thought if that, and it's, do I want to be offended right now? Yes. And as Viktor Frankl says, and Viktor Frankl literally was in Auschwitz. He was a psychologist who lived in Auschwitz. He lived through the entire thing in a Nazi prison camp. He says, between the moment of stimulus and response, there is a second. And if you can master that second, you can master your life. So between the moment of seeing somebody who might be overweight and

you being offended by it for some crazy reason, There's a thought there's in between that, the event, the stimulus and the response. There's a pause. There's a second there. There's a half a second there in between the moment when somebody cusses and you decide to be offended. There's a pause. If you can master that pause, you can master your life. Words are just words. Words are just sounds coming out of somebody's face. You know, why would somebody be afraid? Why would somebody be offended? And just think about this for a second. Why would, why would somebody be offended by me saying shit versus me saying blah, blah, blah. Like if you really take it back, you realize it's a sound coming out of somebody's face. That's all that it is. What's the difference? We've been programmed to feel a certain way. And that's

crazy because if you think about it, that means that our emotions have been hijacked by somebody else based off of what we were taught years ago. So what I want you to take from this episode is how can you journal through these things and take back your own personal freedom, your own sovereignty to feel the way that you want to feel, but also act the way that you want to act as long as you're not hurting anybody else or maliciously going out there and trying to offend somebody. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know. Please continue to share this on your Instagram stories. I've been resharing a lot of you guys on the Instagram stories. Tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single

episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.