The Mindset Mentor - Break Your Fear of Failure

Episode Date: May 6, 2020

One of the biggest fears that I hear from clients every day is the fear of failure. In this episode, I am going to teach you how to get past the fear of failure for yourself and also for any children you might be raising.Follow me on Instagram @RobDialJr https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never, ever miss another episode. Today, we're going to be talking about everybody's favorite fear, which is failure. And I'm going to actually change your mind on failure and what you really think of it. And let me give you a story before we dive into it because obviously humans learn and remember better with stories. And so today we're out in Sedona with my friends and their whole family's here and they have a 10-month-old, Denver is his name. And so Denver's 10 months old and he's just learning how to walk. He actually just learned how to walk about two weeks ago. And so he's falling all over the place. And I've always found

it very interesting of how babies do not ever think, you know, they fall and they fall and they fall and they fall all day basically. And never at one point in time does the thought come into a baby's head of, you know, I'm not really good at this walking thing. Maybe it's not for me. Never does that pop in. And for those of you that have had kids, you understand that it's not just walking that this happens. It's talking. It's every single possible thing that they can do to grow up and become, you know, an adolescent and to go into becoming a teenager. And it's somewhere along the way though, failure is learned. The idea of failing is learned. And so I want to talk about that today, where failure is not something that's natural. Failure is something that's learned by being a

part of our society. You know, it's not like, and here's the thing that I always say, I don't think anything is failing until you give up. You know, you can fall and fall and fall, but it's not failure until you give up on something. And the important thing to realize is that a child never goes, yeah, this walking thing just isn't for me. And that's one of the most difficult things because literally they're having to stand up and fall and stand up and fall and stand up and fall. And it's a physical feeling that they feel. And, you know, he's also going and he's grabbing stuff and he's grabbing stuff and he tries, like, for instance, we have these rocks that are inside of a fire pit and the fire pit was off, obviously, and they're not even rocks. They're just little glass pebbles, basically. And he was

trying to grab the glass pebbles and he was like, he was on his tippy toes and he was like, reach in, reach in his little tiny fingers. And he's like trying to get the rocks and he's like tipping them and moving them with his fingers. But he's not picking them up. He's not picking them up. He's not picking up. He's not picking up. He's not picking them up. And then finally he gets one of those little glass pebbles and picks it up. Don't worry. The fire was off. The fire was not on everybody. And so he never had the thought of, oh, there's no way I can grab this pebble. It was just like, I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep trying. So the interesting thing though, is at some point in time, that's actually

brainwashed out of us or it's programmed out of us. Or we learn about failing. And you know, if we had to start walking at 18 years old and we were all crawling before 18 and we had this learned behavior of failure, there would be a lot less people that walk at 19, 20, 21, 22 years old because they'd go, oh yeah, maybe this isn't for me. Yeah, maybe I'm not that good at this walking thing. Maybe I'll just continue crawling the rest of my life. But as a baby, it's not naturally programmed into us. And the interesting thing is this, is for babies, it's in for humans, this is what it should be for adults. This is what it should be. It's about progress, not perfection for you.

And, you know, I want to talk about this and how this relates to your life. I'm not just talking about a baby at all. I'm talking about how you give up on stuff too soon by thinking maybe it's not right for you. Maybe you give up on that relationship because it's starting to get hard. Maybe you give up on that business because it's not getting off the ground as fast as you want. Maybe you're giving up on your hopes and your dreams and desires because it's near not getting results right away. But you don't ever get results right away. And you guys know last week I did the episode about instant gratification versus delayed gratification. No baby starts walking immediately. It's trial and error and trial and error and trial and error. It's about progress, not perfection.

So how can you get that brainwash into your brain? It's about progressing every single day. It's not about being perfect every single day. It's about progressing every single day. And for those of you people that are out there that are like, oh yeah, but I'm just a perfectionist. And for those of you people that are out there that are like, oh yeah, but I'm just a perfectionist. Perfectionism does not exist, just so you know. Let me say that again. Perfectionism is fake. Perfectionism is what everybody says as to why they're not doing what they truly want to do. Perfectionism is a mask that you are wearing to cover up your true fear. So let me give you an example. Let's say that you're an artist and you want to start selling your art, but you haven't put your art out yet because you're a quote unquote perfectionist.

Well, I'm going to call BS on that. And the reason why you're not putting your art out is not because it's not perfect. It's because you're afraid of being judged or you're afraid of failing at what you truly want to do, or you're afraid of actually succeeding at what you truly want to do, or you're afraid of being rejected. Failure is, of being rejected. Perfectionism is a mask for the real fear. So what is the real fear that you're masking as perfection? Is it the fear of being judged? Is it the fear of being rejected? Is it the fear of success? Is it the fear of failure? Is it the fear of not being loved? Is it the fear of whatever? Maybe you should think about that because it's about progress, not perfection. There is no such thing as perfection in this entire world. Every single

thing is flawed. So if you're a quote unquote perfectionist and you're not putting your music out or your art out or your business out or starting your Instagram for what you truly want to do or not coaching people yet because you feel like you still have work to do on yourself, you will never be perfect in anything that you do ever. So it's about progression, not progression. And I was reminded of this. So I've been playing guitar now for 19 years. And I haven't really been playing much the past few years. When we left in 2017 to go to Italy and Europe and to travel for six months, my girlfriend and I, when we left, I was in a band and I left the band, obviously, to be able to travel for six months. And I haven't really picked up the guitar that much. And I've picked up a little bit here

and there and here and there, but it's kind of been packed away. So I bought a new guitar and it's almost depressing how terrible I am after putting so much years of work into it. Like I could still play, like it's not a big deal, but the stuff that was harder, the things that I remember, the chord progressions, the scales, all of those things have kind of slowly started to disappear from my brain. And I'm not as good as I used to be. And it's almost to the point where I don't want to play because I feel like I'm so far back from where I used to be. But when I feel that feeling, just what I do is I fight past that feeling. Now, that feeling of not being good enough, the feeling of not being,

you know, I used to be better. I push past that. And the thing that you have to realize is if I give up on guitar, well, the way I do one thing is the way I do everything realize is if I give up on guitar, well, the way I do one thing is the way I do everything. So if I give up on guitar, I'm going to give up on other things. I'm going to give up on this business relationship. I'm going to give up on this partnership. I'm going to give up on working out as hard as I'm supposed to. Because the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So if you're constantly needing to be perfect in everything that you do, or you're constantly running from failure in business, you're also doing it in other places as well. It's funny how the world works. And you learned to give up at some point in time. The question that I have for you, and I want you to really

think about, and you can put me on pause if you want to, is when did you learn to give up? Right? Because babies don't give up. They just keep going and going and going and going. And they don't, here's the important thing. They don't judge themselves for not being able to walk yet. They don't judge themselves for not being where they think that they should. They're not 14 months old and thinking, oh my gosh, I should have walked four months ago. Maybe this isn't for me. Maybe, you know, maybe little Johnny smarter than I am. Like that's never a thing. It is learned. Judgment that you place in yourself was learned from somewhere. Giving up was learned from somewhere. And this is the reason why, if you want me to tell you what I truly think, this is the reason why I think sports for children is so important.

And if it's not sports, it could be a musical instrument. It could be something where they have to screw up over and over and over and over again, but they have to push through. They have to keep going. I think that children need to play sports. I think they need to learn a musical instrument. They need to do something, whatever it is, where they fail, quote unquote, fail and fail and fail and fail. But let's say it's actually more fall, fall, fall, fall, fall. They have to push through and they have to push through and they have to push through and then they succeed because that's something that is learned. The same way that giving up is learned, well, persevering is also learned as well. They have to mess up and they have to push through. This is the reason why I love the gym is because I see how the gym is literally exactly the same as life. you have to get yourself to the gym. That's a struggle in its

own. You have to force yourself to work hard while you're at the gym. Cause we could all go to the gym and just stand on the stair master and just walk slow for 45 minutes if we wanted to and be like, Oh, well that was an entire workout. No, you have to get there. You have to mentally make sure that you go there. Even when you don't want to. You have to mentally push yourself and physically push yourself even when you don't want to. And this works in every single facet of your life. If I can think about the gym and I can think about my business, there's times where there's a lot of things in my business I just don't want to do. There's times where I have to record a video and I just don't feel like popping a video on and setting up the camera and setting up the lights. There's times where I have to plan out a podcast episode and I'm like,

my brain is fried because I've just been so busy today. But I show up and I do it anyways, the same way that sometimes I'm really tired after a full day of work and I have to show up at the gym. But it's a learned, like it's literally something that I learned. I remember when I was younger, I read an autobiography on Michael Jordan because I was absolutely obsessed with Michael Jordan. And I read that he used to play basketball for two hours every single day. And so every day after school, I'd come home and I'd play basketball for two hours. And I also read that he used to have a rubber band on his wrist. And every single time that he would miss a shot, he would snap that rubber band because he was trying to literally teach his mind that missing a shot was terrible. And so I would sit there for two hours

every single day over and over because all I wanted to do when I was a little child was be in the NBA. So I'd play two hours of basketball every single day. And every time I'd miss a shot, I'd snap it. And I had literally a purple wrist from snapping it as much as I did. And it got so bad that I didn't have to switch to the other wrist. And then that wouldn't be bad. So I'd have to go back and forth and back and forth. I'm like 12 years old when I was doing this. And the only reason why is because I read that in order to be at the level that Michael Jordan was, you have to put this much work into it. That was a learned behavior. So when people look at me and they're like, how do you work so hard? It's just natural for me. It just feels natural. It's not natural, but it feels natural

because I've forced myself when I was younger to do these things. And I didn't realize that I was building this into myself. But if you have children, ask yourself, how can you implement this into their life? How can you implement hard work and striving and determination? Because if you've learned, even on yourself,

if you've learned to give up, that can also be unlearned. The reason why is because drive and discipline is not something that people are born with. Drive and discipline is also learned. So the same way that you learn to give up, you also learn drive. You also learn discipline and it becomes more natural for you. Neither one, failure and discipline, giving up and discipline, drive and discipline, those are not natural, but they can become more of a natural feeling for you if you can work it into your brain. We're literally like, I feel bad if I don't physically or mentally feel right unless I get that workout in that I know I'm supposed to get. Wouldn't that be great to build that into you? And believe me, there's times where I screw up. I'm not preaching from a soapbox. I am as screwed up as everybody

else out there. And we will never be perfect. I literally have a tattoo on my wrist, which is the 10,000 hour, like the Roman numeral for 10,000 on my wrist. Because I know that self-development, self-mastery is going to be like the 10,000 hour rule where they say it takes 10,000 hours to master something. I'm way past 10,000 hours on where they say it takes 10,000 hours to master something. I'm way past 10,000 hours on mastering, trying to master myself. I'm not even freaking close. I don't know if we'll ever be close. I think it's until the day I die, but it's that, that feeling of I'm always trying to get better. I'm always trying to get better. I'm trying to get healthier. I'm trying to get this temple of mine better. I'm trying to get this mind of mine. I'm trying

to get my business better. I'm trying to get my relationships better. I'm trying to get every aspect of my life, all of the pillars of my life better, and I won't accept failure. So the question I have for you is what are the pillars of your life? Have you been giving up too prematurely? And what do you need to do to push yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, to get the life that you want. Because failure is not natural. Failure is a learned human behavior that we just came up with along the way of, oh yeah, maybe this isn't right for me. Maybe this isn't right for me. A child never says, maybe this isn't right for me. This walking thing, this talking thing, this growing up into being an actual real adult thing is not for me. No one says that. It's a learned behavior. When did you learn

it and how do you need to unlearn it by learning discipline and drive? And if you need to figure it out for yourself and if you have children, how can you also make sure that they learn it as well? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please go ahead and share it with someone that you know and someone that you love. And also, please go ahead and continue to share it on your Instagram. We have so many people that have been, it's been amazing how many people have been sharing on their Instagram. So go ahead and tag me in your Instagram, share it out there to the world, and I will reshare it onto mine. Hopefully get you some new followers as well. So if you're going to get some new lists of the podcast, hopefully I can get you some new followers on your Instagram as well. So tag me in it, RobDialJR, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

And I'm going to leave it the same way, leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.