The Mindset Mentor - Comparing Yourself is Killing Your Joy

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

It's time to stop comparing yourself! In this episode, I am going to teach you how to stop comparing yourself so that you can keep the joy in your life. Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ If you live in the US/Canada and you want to receive motivational texts from me, text me now at 1-512-580-9305 or click here https://my.community.com/robdial Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you live in the United States or Canada, sorry, everybody else, and you want to text me

and get motivational text messages from me, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're going to be talking about why comparing yourself is killing your joy. Now, today we're going to be talking about this because we live in a world where we can see every single thing that somebody is doing or what we perceive to be every single thing that somebody is doing. We can see where they are. We can see every single thing that somebody is doing or what we perceive to be every single thing that somebody is doing. We can see where they are. We can see what they're wearing. We can see what they're eating.

We can see who they're with. We can see pretty much everything. We can see their house. We can see their cars. We can see everything if they decide to show it to us, whether that's the real life or not. But if you spend time on social media, I bet there's a pretty good chance

that you compare yourself sometimes. Even if you don't spend much time on social media, I'm still sure that sometimes you go to dinner with a few friends and you're comparing yourself to them in some way, or you go to the gym and you're comparing your body to other people's bodies. And we're gonna dive into why comparison, if you're using it the wrong way, is actually killing your joy. Now, I want to say this. Comparison in itself is not

actually a bad thing. It's not. It can be a really good thing if you use it the right way. You can compare the speed of a car that's moving towards you while you're getting ready to turn to see if you should turn now or if you should turn after that car passes. That is a comparison of your speed and their speed, right? Our ancestors could compare the size of an animal that was running towards them in the distance to see if it was something that they should be worried about

and tell the entire tribe. They could compare the speed that it was running at to see if they could outrun it or to see if maybe they should go left or maybe they should go right or maybe they should climb a tree. So comparison isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's something that helped our ancestors out

at some point in time. It has its beneficial uses. But when you compare yourself and where your life is at or where your body is at or where your finances are at or where your family is at compared to somebody else's life, that's when comparison gets bad. And it's just like the phrase says, comparison is the thief of all joy. If you want to just strip your life of joy, just start comparing yourself with everybody else that's out there. The one thing to realize that I think is important for everyone to realize is that everybody is on a different path. Nobody that you'll ever meet had the exact same life circumstances as you.

They don't have the exact same memories as you. They don't have the exact same traumas as you. And also you don't have the exact same life circumstances as them. And so comparing yourself to someone else is actually pretty ridiculous. And when we dive into this, there's one phrase that I think is super important that I want you to remind yourself of all of the time as we're going through today's episode, but also anytime you notice yourself comparing, because I know that you're not going to completely get rid of comparing and jealousy

by the end of this episode. But the one thing that I'll say to you to remind yourself is you can't compare your chapter one to somebody else's chapter 20, right? You can't compare your chapter one to another person's chapter 20. You know, I'll give you a couple of examples of what I mean by this exactly.

If let's say you're a little bit overweight, right? And you don't go to the gym very often. You can't compare your body to somebody else's body. You can't compare, you know, maybe you look at somebody on Instagram and you're getting, man, look at her body to somebody else's body. You can't compare, you know, maybe you look at somebody on Instagram and you're getting, man, look at her body. Look at his body. They look amazing.

They might've been working out for five years, seven years, 10 years to get that body. You may have not, you know, maybe you've been going to the gym for a month and you're trying to start to lose weight. Maybe you've got New Year's resolutions you're starting to work through and you're trying to lose some,

you've lost like five pounds, You lost like 10 pounds. But then you still look at someone else's. You're like, shit, but I don't look that good. And it's not a motivating feeling to start to judge yourself based off of where you are compared to where someone else is. When I say you can't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter 20, if you're brand new in this fitness journey and starting to work out and starting to take care of yourself and starting to eat healthy and not drinking anything but water,

you know, when you're new in this journey, you can't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter 20 because someone else that you might see on Instagram or see on YouTube or see inside of the gym, they might've been working out for five, seven, 10 years, maybe even more. And so you can't compare your chapter

one to someone else's chapter 20, but you know who you can compare yourself with. You can't expect to have their body already, but you can compare your body today with your body last month. That's what you can compare yourself with. Because what happens is we can literally sit there and we can create the chemicals and the feelings inside of our body based off of our thoughts. And so if you look at yourself and you're 20 pounds overweight, and you're looking at someone who's been working out for seven years

and they're like fit as shit, right? They're just super fit. And you start to look at them and you look at your body, you immediately get the thoughts of not good enough, not lovable, you know, and you start to get these thoughts of getting down on yourself. Well, those thoughts and those feelings are not going to motivate you to work harder most of the time. But if you go and

you compare yourself to who you were a month ago and what your body looked like a month ago or six months ago or a year ago, however long you've been on this journey, you can look at that and you can actually go, damn, I have come a long way. I have been putting work in and I am starting to see results. And that actually is motivating and exciting because you're like, this is actually working. Now I want to keep working for it. So you can't compare your body to someone else's. That's the example, one example of, you know, your chapter one versus someone else's chapter 20. You also can't compare your business that you started last year to somebody who's been running their business for 10 years. You know, like I've caught myself up in this many times.

So I'm not someone who is immune to doing this, right? I'll give you a perfect example. I have a friend who's, she's got a business that's very similar to mine. Her business does $50 million a year. Mine does $5 million a year. And I remember when I was literally on her plane getting the feeling of like,

shit, why am I not on this level? And then I reminded myself, I started this specific business that I'm in three years ago. She started her seven years ago. She's got four years ahead of me. So who's to say that I won't be in the exact same situation in four years. So I started to feel those feelings. So I get what it feels like. And I understand exactly where you're, where you're coming from if you get there as well. But what I'll tell you is this, is you have to understand that if your business was just started, say, a year ago, you can't compare your business to someone else's that's been around for 10 years. Yours hasn't had the exact same amount of time to mature as theirs has. And you can't necessarily speed along the process all of the time for every single thing that you do. It's like, I always you know, if you're a woman and you've ever been pregnant or you're a man,

you've ever been married to someone who's been pregnant, you got some kids, never does, you know, the husband walk up to the wife at three months and be like, hey, honey, do you think we could speed this process up? Like, you know, instead of nine months, can we try to get it done in four? Like nobody would ever expect that. It's completely ridiculous to think that you're going to try to get a baby to be ready to be born in four months when we know it takes around nine months for it to happen. Right?

So it's the exact same thing for your body that you're working on. It's the exact same thing for the business that you're working on. It's the exact same thing for every single thing that you're trying to do. Everything has a certain amount of time that it is required based off of you, based off of your actions, based off of what

it is you're trying to create. Everything takes time to mature. At a certain point, it will be mature. The same way that at a certain point, the baby will be ready to be born, right? So if your business is at one year and you're talking to someone who is a multi-multi-millionaire who's in the same industry, but they've been doing it for 10 years, yours just hasn't had as much time to mature as theirs. It's still in its first trimester. Theirs is already an infant. And so you haven't learned the same lessons

that they have learned and made the same mistakes that they've made yet to be able to get your business to where theirs is. But you can't compare your business to theirs, but you can compare your business today to where it is. But you can't compare your business to theirs, but you can compare your business today to where it was a year ago. That's fair. If your business was brand new a year ago and you just had 365 days today, and maybe you're at, I don't know, $5,000 in revenue. Well, what were you at a year ago? Zero? Well, now let's look at, instead of looking at

your business as one year old and comparing it to a business as 10 years old, let's compare your business right now, year one to year zero and go, damn, I have come a long way. I have learned a lot. I have overcome a lot of things. And I can actually be proud of myself for what I've learned and what I've grown. Man, if I put another nine years into this business, I could actually be further than my friend is who's been in the business for 10 years. And you start to go, oh man, I'm excited about working towards that

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and get 66% off your purchase. Because when you compare in that way, and you compare yourself to others, does it make you feel good or does it make you feel bad? It usually makes you feel bad, right? When you feel bad, are you motivated to take action towards the life that you want? No, not really.

Rarely do you feel good about whenever you compare yourself to other people? Comparison usually brings on the feeling of lack, and it usually brings on the feeling of jealousy. Lack and jealousy. And lack and jealousy are not magnetic energy. It's not energy that feels like it's pulling your future into you. It's not magnetic energy and the fact that it motivates you. It's usually demotivating to feel lack and to feel jealousy. And so if you feel lack and jealousy, you're actually pushing

what you want further away from you versus drawing it in closer to you. So by getting jealous, you're actually pushing what it is that you want away. You are. You're pushing it away. It's not a magnetic energy. So we need to learn to look at someone who is further along than us and congratulate them. Maybe not physically in person congratulate them. Even if it's just by ourselves, we'd be like, you know, that's awesome that they're doing. That's awesome that business is where it is. That's awesome that they just bought a Lamborghini

or that they're traveling to Greece first class, whatever it is that they're doing. It's a more magnetic energy to be excited for somebody and go, you know what? I could do that as well. Versus being like, oh yeah, well, they probably screwed people over to do that. They probably have shady business tactics or just screw them in the first place, right? I used to get jealous when I would see people with nice cars. I used to get jealous when I'd see people with houses. I used to get jealous when I'd see people traveling the world. And now when

I see people, I'm like, fuck yeah. Congratulations. I know you had to do a lot to get that car. I know you had to do a lot to get that house. I know you had to go through a lot of adversity to build that business. Hell yeah, good for you. Oh, you're taking a private jet to where you're going? That's amazing. Versus being like, oh yeah, well, you could have just flown inside of a normal plane and you would have saved a bunch of money and blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, hey, how can we actually, whether we just think in our minds, not physically having to do it, how can we just think and congratulate that person?

Be like, hell yeah, that's amazing. Whatever it is that they have, I could have it one day as well. Because here's the thing that, you know, how could you have that fuck yeah, good for you energy? Here's the thing that I realized not long ago in a, I'll just be honest with you, in a psychedelic journey. I did mushrooms a couple of months ago. And, and, and literally there was this very clear feeling that came to me of, oh, I've got my own lane. Like this, this life that I'm living is my own lane. And there's nobody else that's on this lane with me. There's no one else

that's going to be coming into my lane, and I'm not going to go into anyone else's lane. This path that I'm on in my life was perfectly designed for me. All of the things that I've been through in my life have been perfectly designed for me. Everything that's going to come up in my future has been perfectly designed for me. Therefore, why would I compare myself to anybody else? Because this is my lane. And it felt like, oh God, that's so good because I don't have to worry about what anybody else is doing. I don't have to worry about anything else except for, hey, the universe or God or whatever it is you believe in, it's got my back. And we're going to be doing this together. Where I am, it's my own lane. I don't have any

competition. The universe has made me my own lane. All I need to do is follow it. And so you have to realize, I believe that you have your own lane as well. There's no one else that could come into your lane and you cannot step into anyone else's lane. Your life is a perfectly crafted curriculum for whatever it is that you need to learn to do whatever it is that you need to do in this world. There is no such thing as competition because no one else can come into your lane. So therefore, you can't look at other people and be jealous because what they're doing is they're actually doing pretty damn well in their lane. Hell yeah, dude, you're doing well in your own race. I can't compete against you because you're on your own

race. I can't get into your track, but hell yeah, congratulations for what you're doing. And what you do is you actually start to realize you've got your own race. I'm like, I can't get into your track. But hell yeah, congratulations for what you're doing. And what you do is you actually start to realize you've got your own lane. So why don't you just follow what feels right? Why don't you just follow what it is that feels like it is that you're supposed to be doing? What is it that's supposed to come to you in your lane? What is it that's supposed to follow in your lane, right?

I've been in the exact same comparison situation. I used to see millionaires and be like, oh my gosh, why don't I have that? And then over the past few years, I had a number that I wanted to hit for majority of my life. And I hit that number and I was like, oh, well, I just realized

that what it really needed was time. Like it just needed to mature. That's all that it really needed. Like I was following a path and I was going down it and I was like, I want to get this, I want to get this, I want to get this. And I would be jealous of people who seemed successful or had whatever it is that had stuff that I wanted. And then when I hit a life goal, I was like, oh shit, it just took me 34 years to get there. Needed time. That's what it is. I've got to follow this path and then I just need time. Same way that a child needs time to be birthed and eventually get to that

point. Well, it's just like the same for me. My success and my happiness and my joy is maturing over time. I've just got to make sure that I'm following the path that feels right for me. Right? And now what's funny is I see people who are ridiculously successful or have whatever it is that I might want in my future. And then I look at them like, oh, well, I'm 35 and they're 50. So they're 15 years ahead of me. I just know that it's going to take time for me to get whatever it is that I want. Oh, they're 60 years old. They have 25 years on me, right? If I was 20 years old and I would have known this, like actually known it at a cellular level, it would have taken a lot of stress and anxiety away from me when I was younger. Because I was like, I'd be like 20 years old and be like, why am I not a fucking millionaire yet? Right? And I'm comparing myself to people who are like 60, 65 years old. The average person

that becomes a millionaire doesn't become a millionaire until they're 57 in the United States. So when you start to look at that and you're 21, 22 listening to me right now, even if you're 45 listening to me right now, whatever it is, you've got time. Things take time to mature. You just got to make sure that you're on the right path. Because I always say this, is that your goals take three things. Not hard. It's very simple, right? Try to make everything as simple as possible. Number one, they take direction. You've got to make sure that you're heading in the right direction for whatever it is that you want. If you don't know what you want, they take direction. You've got to make sure that you're heading in the right direction for whatever it is that you want. If you don't know what you want, figure it out.

I always say it's okay to not know what your passion and purpose is in life, but it's not okay to not be in constant pursuit to find out what that is. If you don't know what your purposes or your passion is, you better wake up every fucking day asking yourself and journaling about it and trying to figure out what it is

that you are supposed to be doing on this earth. If you have that sort of focus, you will eventually find it. That's for sure. It might not be today or tomorrow or this year. It might be next year or whatever it is, but you'll find it. So your goals take direction. You need to make sure that you're heading in the right direction. The second thing that it takes is action. You've got to get off your ass and actually start working towards it. And then the third thing is it just takes time. Like things take time. If you've ever baked a cake before, you can't rush the process of baking a cake.

It's just got to happen in the right amount of time. It's exactly how your life is as well. Direction, action, and time. So if you want to make yourself feel so much better every single day, stop comparing yourself to other people. Realize you can't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter 20.

You can't be jealous of them. You can't feel any of those feelings because those feelings of lack and jealousy push away the things that you actually truly want. And realize that you're in your own lane. All you have to do is make sure you're heading in the right direction. You're taking action towards what it is that you want.

And you're just allowing it to happen when it's supposed to happen because all things take time to mature. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor right now. Go ahead and take out your phone and share this on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Share a screenshot of it or share the link of it if you want to, or share yourself listening to it at your walk or working out or wherever it is that you are. You can do a video, a post, whatever it is that you want. Just please do me a favor and go ahead and share it so that more people can find this podcast episode and

more people's lives can be impacted. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.