The Mindset Mentor - Conquering Your Negative Self Talk

Episode Date: August 28, 2020

The most important conversation you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. In this episode, I am going to teach you an exercise that will make you never want to talk negatively to yourself again and then I am going to teach you how to talk positively to yourself.Get free motivational video text messages from me here: https://bit.ly/342xoip Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dylann. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you're out there and you want to get motivational text messages from me directly to your cell phone, text me right now, 1-512-580-9305. I will send you videos every few days, 45 seconds, 60 seconds, just as inspiration hits me so I can get it directly to your inbox. So text me right now, 1-512-580-9305. Today, we're going to talk about how to destroy the negative self-talk that's going on in your head so that you can start being positive, you can start creating the life that you want to,

and you can start having a beautiful, beautiful existence. Because if there's one thing that I know after coaching thousands and thousands of people is that as sad as it is, we don't speak to ourselves the way that we should. We don't speak to ourselves in a way that's loving. We don't speak to ourselves in a way that builds ourselves up. And we don't speak to ourselves the way that we would want someone else to speak to us. So why do we do it? And today I'm going to talk about how to stop the negative self-talk. I'm going to go through an exercise with you.

So hopefully you can have some pen and paper near you. If not, mentally make sure that you're checking off boxes and mentally write these things down as we go through them. But I'm going to go through an exercise with you to talk about how to destroy the negative self-talk. And then what I'm going to do is I'm actually going to show you how to start talking to yourself the way that you truly want to talk to yourself as your mother would talk to you, someone loving would talk to you. And so that's where we're going to dive into because it's kind of sad, but we are just, we're way too negative. We're way too down on ourselves. And that's something that absolutely 100% needs to change. And, um, as I said, if you have a pen and paper, please go grab that pen and

paper. You could put me on pause. If you're watching me, if you're listening to me, whatever it is, you could put me on pause, go get a pen and paper. Just go through this really quick exercise with me. I think it'll be massively eyeopening for you. And so here's what I want you to do. If you're driving your car, obviously, please don't write anything down. Take a mental note. I want you to write down some of the negative stuff that you say to yourself, write it down. And if you need to pause me, pause me. Go ahead. Give yourself two minutes, five minutes, 10 minutes. What's some of the negative stuff that you say to yourself? You're fat. You're ugly. You're stupid. You'll never

amount to anything. You're worthless. You're unlovable. No wonder why you're single. No wonder why you keep getting cheated on. You know, those love handles are disgusting, right? We're going to, don't worry, we're not going to be negative this whole time. We're going to turn it all around, but I want to make sure that we go through this and do this right. You know, stuff like you'll be alone forever. Nobody wants to be with you. You don't have any friends. Your friends don't love you. Nobody has your back. What are the things that you're saying to yourself? Write them down. Be open, honest, and vulnerable. If you need to burn this piece of paper by the time we get done today, completely cool. No big deal. But I

want you to write down all of the negative things that you say to yourself right now. Now what I want you to do is after you've done that, I want you to write down the absolute worst thing that you've ever said to yourself. Take yourself back to the moment where you might've just been so hard on yourself and yelling at yourself in your head. Maybe you were yelling to yourself out loud. What was it that you were saying to yourself? I want you to write that down or think of that moment right now.

What was the absolute worst thing that you've ever said to yourself in your entire life? Write it down. Okay. Now here's what I want you to do. I want you to take that sheet of paper. Okay. Take that sheet of paper, look at it real quick. And what I want you to do is I want you to find your youngest child. I want you to find your youngest sibling, your youngest cousin, someone that you love, FaceTime your mom, whatever it is that you need to do. But the younger they are, the better because the more innocent they are. And I want you to walk over to them and I want you to say the things on that sheet of paper to them. Go ahead, do it. I'll be here waiting for you. Go ahead, tell that child that they're fat,

that they're ugly, that they're stupid, that they'll never amount to anything, that they're worthless, that they're completely unlovable. Nobody would ever wanna be with them. You'll be alone forever. Go ahead, try it. No? Why not?

Oh, okay, it's okay to say to yourself, but it's not okay to say to somebody else. Is that what you're saying to me? Is that what you're thinking in your head? Because I'm reading your mind telepathically, I guess. So you're telling me you can say all of these terrible things to yourself, but you can't say them to someone else. So why, why, why do you say them to yourself? What good is it doing to say all of these negative things to yourself, to talk down to yourself? What good is it doing? What, what positive has ever come from speaking to yourself that way? You would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself. And to be honest with you, probably never even talk to your enemies the way that you talk to yourself.

You're nicer to your enemies than you are to yourself. Think about that one for a second. Let that one sink into your subconscious. I'll give you a pretty good example. Think about this for a second. Think about, let's say one of your friend calls you example. Think about this for a second. Think about, let's say one of your friend calls you and let's say she's a female. She just went on her first date. It was a blind date, right? Maybe let's say it's a Tinder date, not a blind date. She goes out

on a Tinder date and the guy leaves. She's super into him. She's like, man, he's cute. He's got a great job. He's nice. He's got a great body. He's sexy, whatever. She's like, man, he's cute. He's got a great job. He's nice. He's got a great body. He's sexy, whatever. She's into him. Right. And she's like, well, at the end of the day, she's like, I'd really love to see you again. And he's like, actually, I'll be honest with you. You're just not really my type. So I don't think that's going to happen. And she's distraught. She's not happy about it. She feels down upon herself. And she calls you up. Hello. You answer the phone. She tells you the whole situation. Oh, he was so cute. He was great. I don't know what happened. We were getting along so well. I was thinking about how great it would

be to start dating him, to go on a second date, whatever it is. She tells you all about him. And then he said that he's not interested in me. Would you ever go, oh, let's say her name's Michelle. Oh yeah, of course, Michelle. It's because you're fat. It's because you're ugly. It's because that mole on your face. It's because you're really not that smart. It's because of the fact that you'll probably be alone forever.

You're unlovable. I don't know why anybody would date you in the first place. It makes sense that people have cheated on you in the past. Would you just go in on her like that? No, nobody would. If you did, you're a terrible friend. But I would assume that anyone listening to this would not do that. So why would you do it to yourself?

Because at that point in time, your friend, Michelle, what does she need from you? She needs love. She needs support. She needs you to be there for her. How many times have you not been there for yourself? How many times have you not shown up as the best friend to yourself? Because if anything, more than anybody else, you should be your number one fan. You should be your biggest supporter. You should be your best friend. You should be the one that is there that always has your back. You can always have the friends and the family members and

all of those people have your back, but you should be your biggest fan. So if you would never talk to your friend Michelle and she calls you after a terrible Tinder date and she's so distraught, you never speak to her like that. Why would you speak to yourself that way after you have somebody who doesn't want to see you again, somebody who breaks up with you, something that happens? Why would you speak to yourself that way? It does nothing for you. It does nothing for the world. The Mindset Mentor is brought to you by Avast. Avast is a global leader in cybersecurity, trusted by over 435 million users. You can shop, work, and browse

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let's get you back to the show right now. Because the better that you are, the better the world is. So you're actually being extremely selfish by being so negative yourself because not only are you not getting the amazingness out of yourself that you could get, the world is not getting the best version of you as well. So how do we fix it? Because this is something that all too common, too, too, too, too many people do. Well, here's what we're going to do. We're going to take out that pen and paper again. What I want you to do, I want you to take that piece of paper. You can burn it. You could throw it away. You could put it on the garbage disposal, whatever it is, rip that piece of paper out. That is the last time that you are going to see that piece of paper. I would recommend having a fire ceremony for it. We used to do this before with our limiting

beliefs. When I was younger in the first sales company I was in, we would write down all of our limiting beliefs and then we would burn them. You know, don't do this inside of your house because I don't need you burning your house down. We would burn them and watch them burn and go, that's the last time that I'm ever going to say that to myself. Take a picture, tag me on Instagram, Rob Dial Jr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R, of you burning your limiting beliefs and the negative things that you say to yourself. Take a picture and share it. Have a fire ceremony for the negative self-talk so you can never have it again. Now we're gonna have that blank sheet of paper.

And what are we gonna do with that blank sheet of paper? You guessed it. I want you to write down all of the things that you want to say to yourself. All the things that you would want a great friend or a great spouse or significant other to say to you. You're beautiful. You look amazing. You know, you're perfect just the way you are, no matter how you are. You're smart. You're funny. You're a great friend. You're a hard worker. You're

supportive. You're perfect. Whatever it is, write all of those things down. Go ahead. You can pause me. I'll be here literally forever. I will literally be here forever. That's the way the internet works. If you pause me and leave me for the next six hours and push play, I'll still be here at the exact same point. So if you want to pause me, pause me. Write down all the things that you want to say to yourself that you would want a supportive person to say to you to make you feel better. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're funny. You're successful.

You're a hard worker. You're a great friend. You're supportive. All of the things that you want someone to say. And what I want you to do is this. I want you to take a picture of that with your phone. So you have it with you at all times. Next time you feel down on yourself,

I want you to look at that picture on your phone. You know what else I want you to do? I want you to take out your favorite three to five things on that piece of paper. I want you to write them with a dry erase marker on your mirror. So every time you go into the bathroom, you see them and you make yourself read them every time you wash your hands. Do it. Go for it. Tag me in this as well on Instagram. You know what else you should do? Take some sticky notes, the neon sticky notes, the bright pink, and put those sticky notes with those affirmations. You're beautiful. You're smart. Whatever it is, put them everywhere.

So you see them all of the time. You open up your drawer inside of your kitchen. You got it there. You're driving your car. It's on your dashboard. You need to literally brainwash yourself to rewire the negative self-talk so that you can start talking to yourself the way that you want to talk to yourself. Put reminders everywhere. Your car, your mirror, the sticky notes, put them everywhere you possibly can. It's not weird. It's not. People might think that it's weird. It's not weird. I don't think that it's weird. Because why would you not do something like this? Why would you not try to build yourself up? Why would you not be obsessed with yourself?

Because ultimately, we're taught that, oh, if you're obsessed with yourself, you're narcissistic, and there's something wrong with that, you shouldn't love yourself. Like, we're taught those types of things. Oh, no, you definitely shouldn't love yourself as much as you do. Oh, my gosh, you're so into yourself. You're full of yourself. I'm full of myself? Who the hell should I be full of?

You? Someone else? No, I should be full of myself before I'm full of anybody else. Because ultimately, I can't give away what I don't have. So I need to love myself before I can fully love somebody else. It's not narcissistic. It's not obsessive. What it is, it's loving. It's supportive. It's building a great foundation of confidence. That's what it truly is. Think about that for a second. I want to tell you a strategy

that one of my friends went through. About nine months ago, he realized that he didn't love himself. And he said that if you would have gone up to him and asked him, hey, you know, I won't say his name, let's say his name is John. Hey, John, do you love yourself? He'd be like, yeah, of course I love myself. And then he went through these journeys of work and work and work on himself. And he realized he didn't fully love himself at all. And so he had this idea of, I should tell myself that I love myself. And so what I'm going to do, and this is what I recommend you do. And this has been a massive

journey for him. And it's been huge in his self-love process. It's been almost a year now. He's been doing, he's a completely different person. What he does is he gets, this is every single morning, takes a shower, dries off, stays completely naked, takes off his towel. And I have, he's, he got this from one of our friends. Who's a really deep worker in this space, gets completely naked, look at himself in the mirror, sets his timer for five minutes and completely naked, no clothes, looks himself in the eyes and says, I love you. I love you. John, I love you. And he says it over and over and over again. And some days it's easy and some days it's a struggle. And he's like, why is this a struggle? Why is this so hard? And things will come up. Memories will come up. Things he hasn't processed, traumas,

is so hard and things will come up. Memories will come up. Things he hasn't processed, traumas, events that happened in his past will come up. And guess what? He has to work through it. And it's a journey of self-love. And you might say, why would you do it naked though? Because that's you fully showing up to yourself. If you can't be naked in front of yourself and say, I love you, you can't be naked in front of someone else. You can't, you can't be fully seen until you allow yourself to fully see yourself. So it's a journey. I remember when I was younger and I first heard about saying, I love you inside of the mirror. I thought I was kind of crazy. And then I was like, you know what? I'll take this journey. And I didn't have much confidence. I wasn't born with confidence. I was very unconfident up until I got into a sales company where I had to work on myself and do a lot of

personal development and read and go to conferences and grow, push myself. And I remember somebody came in and gave a speech to us and said, listen, what you should do every morning is look at yourself in the mirror and say, I love you a hundred times every single morning. My friend does it. He sets five minutes on his phone. That's, it might be even easier, but I would sit there and I would say, I love you. I love you, Rob. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I would say it over and over and over again. And then one day I just forgot to do it. I did it for months and months and months and months. And one day I just forgot to do it. And the next day I forgot and I forgot and I forgot and I forgot. And then years down the road, I went, somebody came up to me and said,

well, why do you have so much confidence? Where'd it come from? And I was like, I don't know where the hell it came from because I haven't always been this way. And then snap myself back into that moment. I went, oh my God, I've told myself I love you thousands and thousands and thousands of times. My girlfriend makes fun of me because I talked to myself in the mirror and I'm like, damn, you look good today.

I say that to myself. It was just something that I learned to do. I don't even have any, I don't even know what negative self-talk is anymore because it doesn't even live in my brain. It used to, but I rewired it. I didn't even know I was rewiring it. It just ended up happening. And it's a beautiful thing to live that way. Everybody deserves to live that way. You should be your biggest fan. Not your mom, not your spouse, not your brother, sister, anybody else. You should be your biggest fan. As I said earlier, who the hell else should you be obsessed with? Who the hell else should you be full of? You, you, you, you. Because ultimately, if you don't love yourself, if you're not showing up fully for yourself, you're not showing up fully for the world. You're not showing up the great

you that you could be. The world needs you to show up in a powerful way. The world needs more powerful people more than ever. Could you be one of the people that step up? Could you be one of the people that give love to yourself and also give love to others? Think about it. You're worth it. I promise you that you deserve it. But more than anything else, you actually need it. We need the self-love. We need more people that are confident, that are able to do the things they need to in the world. that are confident, that are able to do the things they need to in the world. We need you to love yourself and you need you to love yourself. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know

and someone that you love. Share it on your Instagram. Tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. If you do any of the fun stuff like burning the negative things you say to yourself, once again, I'm not saying to do that. So don't be burning down the house and then blaming the guy on the podcast because that's definitely not what I told you to do. But if you want to take a picture,

send me the picture. If you want to take a picture in your mirror with all of your self-love stuff, do it. I would love to see the self-love and heck, I'll repost it for everybody else to see on Instagram as well. But once again, if you want to see motivational text message videos from me every few days, text me right now. 1-512-580-9305. Once again, 1-512-580-9305. And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better.

Go out there and be the change we need to see in the world. I appreciate you. And I'll see you on the next episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. Go out there and be the change we need to see in the world. I appreciate you and I'll see you on the next episode.