The Mindset Mentor - Dance with Your Fears

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

You will never get rid of all of your fears completely. That’s why in this episode I am going to teach you how to work with your fears so that you don’t hold yourself back anymore. Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ If you live in the US/Canada and you want to receive motivational texts from me, text me now at 1-512-580-9305 or click here https://my.community.com/robdial Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

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to receive emails from me every single Monday with my intentions going into every single week, so therefore you can see my intentions. If you like them, steal them. Go to mondayemail.com right now. Once again, mondayemail.com, and it's absolutely free. And I'll send you an email every single Monday. Today, we're going to be talking about your fears and how to dance with your fears. One of the biggest misconceptions that I think people have is that they need to overcome their fears. And I'm here to tell you,

there's a pretty good chance that for the rest of your life, you will never overcome your fears. You just learn how to work with your fears. And so over today's episode, I'm going to give you the tools to be able to understand your fears, but then also to be able to work through them. And I'm going to give you a couple of stories just to kind of have this make sense to you. I was just in Nashville this past week, and I was giving a talk to a company that had a thousand salespeople.

It was their top thousand salespeople, top thousand district managers. And I was giving a speech to everybody. And I had that feeling before I went onto stage, really funny because I walk into the room and I walk into the back of the room, I'm like, holy shit, this is a lot of people. You know, I've given speeches that big before, but every single time you walk into a room of a thousand

people, you realize, oh my God, I'm going to be the only person speaking on stage to all of these people. And so I remember I'm going through and I go to the back of the stage and they're putting the microphone on me and they're talking to me and tell me how everything's going to go.

And I can start to feel the nerves come up. And I was actually, if I'm being honest, I was actually feeling the nerves before I even went downstairs. So I was completely fine. And then about an hour and a half before, I started thinking about it and preparing for the talk. I went through the slides again.

I was looking through my slides and I could start to feel the nerves about an hour and a half before. And I started thinking about everything. And I started, automatically what came into my brain is like everything that could go wrong, right? So I'm thinking in my head, like my entire talk is prepared through these slides. Like I remember where I am through these slides. What if the slides just stop working? You know, I think of everything that could go wrong. I think about what if I'm on stage in front of a thousand people

and I just trip and land on my face? What if I trip and fall off of the stage? You know, what if I'm standing in front of all of these people and I just completely blank out of what I'm supposed to say? And I forget the part that I'm supposed to say. What if I make a joke that I think is going to be good

and it just silence, it doesn't hit? What if I get done with a speech and then I'm just like, man, that wasn't good. And I don't get the reaction that I want to. And I was nervous all the time up until from my room, in my hotel room, all the way going down. And I was nervous right before I'm about to walk on stage. And then here's the really interesting thing about it. And this is the reason why I think fear is important and for us to talk about it. As soon as I got on stage, all of the fear was gone. When I got on stage, it was just silence. It was just calm. There was no fear. There were no worries, none of that. But it was really interesting at the time when I didn't need to be fearful is when I was the most fearful. The only time that I was fearful is when I didn't need to be fearful is when I was the most fearful. The only time that I was fearful

is when I wasn't on the stage. The only time that there should be fear is when you're actually on stage in front of a thousand people. And so it reminds me of, you know, Will Smith tells a story about fear and tells a story about the first time he went skydiving, right? And he was in Dubai and he decided to go skydiving

with his family and with his kids and with his friends. And he woke up Dubai and he decided to go skydiving with his family and with his kids and with his friends. And he woke up the night before over and over and over again, just terrified and just playing out all of the terrible things that could happen in this session of going skydiving. And he remembers being nervous. You know, first off, he's waking up the entire night before

and he's fearful, he's fearful, he's fearful. Then he's driving from his hotel room to the place to go skydiving and he's nervous the whole time. And he's a little bit terrified the whole time he's learning. And then he's getting, getting all strapped up and everything good to go. And he's terrified as he's getting all strapped up. And then he's, you know, they get inside of the plane, they take off and he's nervous the whole flight up. And then the door opens and his exact words are the door opens and it's terror, terror, terror, terror. And he says, you get to the edge and you get to the edge and you literally look down and what you're looking at is death. It is just possible death. death. It is just possible death. And then at the time when you jump, you jump. And in one second of jumping, you realize it's the most blissful experience that you've ever had is what he says. So he said there was zero fear while he was falling from the sky. And what he says is you realize at the point of maximum danger is actually the point of minimum fear. So this is important. The lesson

for him that he said was, why was I scared when I was in my bed the night before? When you're at maximum fear, the maximum danger is when you have the least amount of fear. Everything except for the point of stepping out of the plane, the fear was not necessary because he was literally creating futures in his mind that didn't even play out. Now, how often do you create a future, an imaginary future in your mind that doesn't play out? And the phrase that he says when he talks about skydiving, he talks about fear, is that God placed everything in life, everything amazing in life on the other side of fear. And so you really have to think about that.

When he says that, he says that he woke up and it was just fear and woke up and it was fear and woke up and it was fear when he was in his hotel room, when he was completely safe. How often are we completely safe in the moment, but we imagine a future and we feel a whole bunch of fear or we create a whole bunch of fear or we create a whole bunch of anxiety for literally just the moment that isn't even here yet. Like in this moment, if you're

feeling anxiety, if you're feeling fear, if you're feeling anything, you have to realize in this actual moment right now, you are, there is nothing to fear. You're completely fine. You're completely safe. And this is what's interesting about it. It's kind of like a roller coaster. Life is life and building a business and stepping out of your comfort zones. All of those things are like a roller coaster. If you've ever been on a roller coaster before, you can start to get nervous before and you feel a little bit of fear before. And really what that is, is whenever we feel fear, it's our brain and body trying to keep us safe. Right? So our brain and body try to keep us safe. And then when you're on the roller coaster, it's exciting. There's ups and downs, there's ups and downs, and there's some hell yeahs on

a roller coaster. And then there's some really big turns where they're like, oh shit. So there's like hell yeahs, there's oh shits. And then after the roller coaster, that's when everybody feels the best. And that's when they're talking about, oh my God, that was so much fun when this happened. Let's go do it again. So you got to ask yourself, what's the point of all of this fear? Because 99.9% of the time, what we're worried about is not going to kill us. But fear is a protection mechanism inside of our brain and inside of our bodies to keep us alive, right? The same feelings that we feel when we're thinking about, like for instance, going up and giving a speech in front of people, whether it's a thousand people

like I was giving a speech or whether it's 10 people and it's a presentation at your office, right? The feeling that you feel is a physical feeling inside of your body. And it's the same physical feeling that we would feel if we were 200,000 years ago and we're about to walk out of the cave in the middle of the night

to go to the bathroom, we're going to feel those physical feelings of fear. You can feel it inside of your stomach. It's like the pit of your stomach. You can feel that. But 99.9% of what we worry about today is not going to kill us. And interestingly enough, psychologists have found that 85% of what we worry about doesn't even happen ever. Hey, 2022 is here and it is time to grow into the best version of yourself. And one way to do that is through books. Books have always been and will always be one of the most essential pieces of learning and growing. And that's why Blinkist is so amazing. Although many books have great content, a lot of them have what I like to call fluff stories. Stories that are put in a book to hammer

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This is Outer's best offer anywhere, only available to podcast listeners and only a limited time. Get $300 off and free shipping at liveouter.com slash dial, liveouter.com slash dial. Terms and conditions apply. So most of the things that we worry about are not going to kill us. And 85 most of the things that we worry about are not going to kill us.

And 85% of those things that we worry about never even happen in the first place. So what is the point? You have to ask yourself, what is the point? And how can we use fear? Because once again, fear will never go away. How can we use fear for our benefit versus having fear use us and keep us crippled? Because

most people, I remember having this big aha moment during a meditation one time, is the worst thing in the world is fear. There's nothing worse in this world than fear because all of the bad things in the world that happen, happen because of fear. Wars happen because of fear. People being selfish, that happens because of fear. Not sharing, you know, people hoarding all of their money when they could be giving it out to charities and the poor. It's because there's some sort of fear of what if it went away? What if I, you know, went broke? What if I was then struggling, needed to survive? The worst thing in the world is fear, but it will not go away. You will not overcome your fears or completely get rid of fears. So what can we do?

We can start to understand our fears and we can start to work with our fears. It's completely impossible to overcome them, but it is not impossible to feel the fear and to work with it. And it's about learning what our fears are all about and then figuring out a way to kind of dance with fear, like to feel it and go, oh, there's that guy again. There's that little guy. I can feel him. But how can I continue to step forward and move with the fear no matter what?

One of the things that I hate is I hate when someone's like, oh, we're going to bring up our fearless leader and they bring up the company's CEO, right? There is no way that that CEO is fearless. The difference between a successful person, unsuccessful person, I say this all the time, is that both people feel the fear, but both people then take different actions when the fear arises. So an unsuccessful person, most of the time, they're going to feel fear and then they're going to come back and step away from that fear. So they feel the fear and their brain and body are telling them danger,

danger, danger, get away, danger, get away. And because they're not being consciously, like actually consciously thinking this through and being intentional, they're thinking subconsciously, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I need to get out of this situation. And so they do something different. A successful person usually has stepped into their fear so much that they feel fear and they go, okay, I've done this before. I'm not going to die. I'm feeling fear, but I'm going to do it anyways. So you feel fear and you do it anyways, because fear is showing you, fear is a physical manifestation of your comfort zone. If you don't feel fear, that means that you are in your comfort

zone. If you want to break out of your comfort zone and continue to grow yourself and continue to expand yourself, you're going to feel fear and you're going to have to learn to work with and dance with your fear. Now, if you imagine your comfort zone, anytime that you're feeling fear, it is your brain and body telling you, this is where you haven't gone past. This is where you haven't gone past. And so what do we do? Instead of feeling the fear and backing away, we feel the fear and what do we do?

We lean in. We learn to become comfortable with the fear because you have to realize, when I was nervous before speaking on stage and I was inside of my room, I was not in front of anybody. There was no need to be nervous and fearful at that point. When I was about before speaking on stage and I was inside of my room, I was not in front of anybody. There was no need to be nervous and fearful at that point.

When I was about to walk on stage and I was still behind stage, nobody could see me. There was literally no reason to be nervous at that point and fearful at that point. And then when I got on stage, all of it was gone. And I was like, this is pretty interesting. I remember giving the talk and be like, this is interesting. I don't know why I'm not feeling anything right now.

I feel like, good, I feel in the zone. I feel like I should be giving a speech. None of the fear that was there before was there when I was actually at the moment where I could trip, where I could mess up, where I could screw up a joke, right? Same thing with skydiving. Why was Will Smith waking up every 15, 20 minutes the night before terrified and terrified

and terrified? Why was he terrified when he was sitting in his bed and he was completely comfortable and there was no danger attached to sleeping in his bed? Why was he so terrified when he was learning how to skydive when he was still on the ground? Why was he so terrified when he was still inside of the plane when the door opened? There was no fear that he should have at that point. The only time that he should have fear is when he's actually jumped out of the plane, and that is the point of maximum danger. But he found at the point of maximum danger was where there was the point of minimum fear. And so we have to understand, okay, why do we have fear? Because it's built into us as a protection mechanism to help us stay alive.

Why do we have fear? Because it's built into us as a protection mechanism to help us stay alive. Cool, beautiful. So when you feel the fear, it is a physical manifestation of your comfort zone. How can I feel this fear? How can I lean into it instead of stepping away and realize you will never overcome all of your fears.

You will never be a fearless person. You'll never wake up and just be like, I'm going to conquer the world. Your fears, your limiting beliefs, everything that you're scared of, they're always going to be there forever. It's just, you learn how if, you know, same thing as if you walk into a room and the music's too loud, you know, a lot of people, that's how their fear is. It's too loud and it's screaming at them. But then you realize, oh, I can just walk over to the volume and I can just turn it down. I don't have to listen to the volume and I can just turn it down.

I don't have to listen to this song. I can turn this volume down. It doesn't mean that it's completely off. It just means that it was at a 99 out of a hundred. I'm just going to turn it down to like a 10. I'm going to turn it down to an eight. You all, we all have the capacity to step into our fear because everything that we fear at this point in time is not going to kill us. These are all intellectual fears, as I say, not primal fears. Primal fears means there's death or bodily harm attached to it. That's a primal fear.

Intellectual fear is like, I'm afraid of, everybody always loves me talking about Nancy in accounting. I'm afraid of Nancy in accounting and what she might say when I put up this Instagram post. I'm afraid of what my mom might say when I say that I want to become a life coach when I went to school for engineering. I'm afraid of other people's judgments, other people's rejections. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of success. I'm afraid of what would happen if I stepped into the unknown. All of those things are intellectual fears. There is no bodily harm or death attached to this. And so when we can

take a step back and be like, is there a reason for me to fear looking at this? There's really not a reason for me to fear. So should I do it anyways? Yes, I should do it anyways. And we step in to the unknown and we learn how to work and dance with our fears versus letting our fears control us. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Once again, the only way that this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it.

We are one of the top 100 podcasts in the entire world out of millions of them. And that is all because you guys continue to share it. But like I said, we don't have ESPN or NPR or any of those massive corporations pushing our stuff out there. We only grow through grassroots. So if you guys would do me a favor, I would greatly, greatly appreciate if you would share this on your Instagram stories and tag me in it so that more and more people can find this podcast. Once again, it is Rob Dial Jr.

And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes someone else's day better. I appreciate you all. And I hope you have an amazing day.