The Mindset Mentor - Dealing with Trauma

Episode Date: May 27, 2020

Trauma shapes us into who we are, but we are never really taught how to deal with our trauma. In this episode, I will teach you the best ways to go back and relive old traumas and memories, so that you can let go of them and move forward in your life in a positive way.Follow me on Instagram @RobDialJr https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial, and if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. Today, we're going to be talking about living old childhood memories and traumas. Sounds sexy. I bet you're so excited about that. Let's go down the path of memory lane that sucks. So before we dive into reliving the old traumas, as I said on the last episode, if you are interested in learning how to build a coaching program and you want to join my 30-day coaching challenge where I teach you to become a coach and then also challenge you and teach you how to get your first client, go to coachwithrob.com and join the

waitlist. It will be 100% open for registration this Friday, but the first 100 people get $50 off. And if you're on the waitlist, you're actually going to get the link 12 hours before everybody else so that you can try to get another discount. So go ahead and go to coachwithrob.com for your information. Also, as we're diving into that, let's go ahead and dive into when we're talking about coaching. One of the things that you coach a lot of people on, which is childhood memories, traumas, whatever it is, you are the person that you are because of things that happened to you in your past. The way that you hold yourself back, the way that you think about things, everything that you do comes from your childhood. And they say that about

95% of who you will be, this is what psychology says, 95% of who you will be or who you are now is basically figured out unless you go and do a whole lot of change on yourself and a whole lot of work and personal development and spiritual development, all that stuff. But 95% of who you are is almost locked in place by the time that you're seven years old. So think about that because most people are like, oh yeah, but my childhood really didn't affect me that much. It actually affects you a whole lot more. And so what we're going to be talking about today is reliving old childhood memories that maybe you've forgotten about, or maybe you've suppressed. And this is one of the, this might be the most important thing that somebody can do

on their path of self-development, personal development, spiritual development is to relive old memories. Because even though we think that old memories don't really matter, they leave what I like to call emotional residue. And sometimes they seem so insignificant, but they can have such a big impact. And I'm going to tell you two stories of two people that I know of just these tiny stories that you didn't, you listening to them wouldn't think that they would be huge, but they've come to find out that they were huge in their life. So one of my friends, I'm not going to mention his name or anything, but he was working with a psychologist and also a person who helped him with his meditation and going back and reliving childhood memories and

trying to pull up things that he might still be holding onto. And he's in his forties now, but he was doing this meditation kind of hypnosis with a lady and they went back to a memory that he remembers. And he, let me just tell you the whole memory. And then I'll tell you what he got from it. He, when he was younger, he's, he, he said that the biggest thing to him when he was like four or five, six years old were marbles. This is before obviously the internet and phones and Twitter and Instagram and all those things were marbles. And so him and his friends would throw marbles and they would flick them. And he had this big, huge, over months and months and months of time, he had won a whole bunch of marbles. It was this big, huge, it was like a foot tall bucket of marbles. And he was so proud of it. It was like his prized possession at six years old.

Like when you're six years old, remember when you're six years old, like that is your thing. Like that is your life is encapsulated in that, whatever it is for you. And there was one kid in the neighborhood that was better than him. And he had this one marble and it was like the marble of all marbles. It was bigger than all of them. It was beautiful. It was all colorful. And he wanted that marble. And so he went and played a game of marbles with him. And he played a game of marbles with him and said, I will bet you because he really wanted that one marble. He said, I will bet you all of my marbles in here

for your one marble. And he went and he, he went and played the game and he lost because he really wanted that marble, but he lost all of his marbles to this kid down the street. And he went home and he was crying and he was crying. And it's like his entire life, because it might seem insignificant to us now listening to it, but at six years old, that is your life. And he goes home and he goes crying and his mom is like, what's wrong? And he's like, oh, well, you know, Johnny down the street, want it, whatever the kid's name was. So my friend and his mom walked down there and they tell his mom the whole situation. And he's like, Hey, is this, you know, Johnny, is this true? He's like, yes. She goes, give him back all of his marbles. So then she gave him back all of his marbles. So he realized

through this one event that doesn't seem like it would be very traumatic, but for a child, something small can be very traumatic. And so people like to gauge trauma like, oh, well, his father didn't die or something like that. And it's not about that because traumas can never be compared according to what psychologists say. A trauma is a trauma, no matter what the quote unquote level that you want to put on that trauma is. And so he came to realize that his lack of trust for himself came from this one moment and then compounded on itself through the rest of his life. He realized that from this moment on, he couldn't trust his own decisions. And so think about this for a second. It makes so much sense that this one event could click something in his brain.

And now he thinks, I can't trust myself. And now all he's seeing throughout his day from six years to 45 years old is I can't trust myself. I don't make the right decisions. And so it's caused him a lot of indecision. It's caused him to fall out of trust or love with himself. And that one little thing changed the course of his life in the way that he felt about himself, which is crazy to think about for the average mind. But you have to realize a child, their world is so much smaller and they're so much

less emotionally intelligent that they can't really comprehend the scope of stuff that's outside of their small little world and realize that that's not a significant event in the grand scheme of the world, but in their life, it is a very significant event. And so that's the first story I want you to think of. The second story, I had an old client years ago and we were diving into her psychology of money. And I was asking her because we were talking about her psychology of money. She felt she didn't have a good relationship with money. So I asked her about when she got her first paycheck. Because a lot of times that memory can be very good for people. It could be very bad for people sometimes as well, depending on where that money has to go to all that stuff. And I was like, what's your first memory of really making, you know, money or your first paycheck or whatever

it is. And she told me the story of when she was also about six years old, she went and picked blackberries with her dad and they went and picked, you know, wild blackberries and they went and picked wild blackberries, and they filled one of those big, huge five-gallon buckets is what she said. And she was so excited. She felt like they worked so hard. They put so much time in. She felt like it was all day they were working to get these blackberries, right? And then her dad went and sold that to a neighbor for $5 down the street. And she was so mad about it. She was so mad about the fact that all of her hard work, she only got $5 for. And so he asked her, he's like, so wait, so hold on then. What do you think we should have gotten from it? And she's like, well, we should have at least gotten

10. And he's like, okay, explain to me why. And she was holding onto this memory and her view of money from the very beginning of the first time that she got it was skewed because she felt like she wasn't getting what she was worth. And that as soon as she works for something, it's taken away from her. Now think about that for a second. It once again, seems kind of insignificant, but it's very big in a child's mind and it can change the course of the way someone thinks about money. And so what I had to do, and the reason why I tell you these stories is so that you can realize that when you relive them, you don't just relive them so that you can go through stuff again. And these aren't terrible stories of terrible traumas or

anything like that, or deaths or being beaten or sexually abused or any of those types of things, but in a safe place, everybody should relive old childhood memories and traumas. Whether that's with someone that they love, whether that is going and seeing a therapist, they should relive them. Because if you don't go and change these memories, if you don't change them in some sort of way, then you're going to be a six-year-old child in your brain with that memory forever. But if you go and you relive them now and you're 35 years old, well, now you can look at this event as a 35-year-old emotionally intelligent person and possibly change the emotion that is attached to that. And you can relive it.

And so with both of these people, they were able to relive it. And I'll tell you how they were able to change their story. So my friend who had this issue with the marbles, over the past month or past six months, he's been on it. Actually, it's probably been about nine months now. He's been on this amazing journey of self-love. And he's happier than I've ever seen. Because he realized that he wasn't loving himself as much

as he could. And he says, oh yeah, if you would have asked me, do I love myself? I'd have been like, yeah, of course. Hell yeah. Like I've got a successful business, got a great marriage, got a great family. But he realized that deep down inside, he didn't truly love himself. And so he's been on this journey of self-love since he found this out. And he actually wakes up every single morning. He looks himself in the eyes after he gets out of the shower, completely naked, just him, himself. And that's just him and himself in like literally in the mirror, looks himself in the eyes. He puts on a timer for five minutes and he says, I love you. I love you. I love you for five minutes straight, looking himself deep in the eyes. And he said that he's done it every single day for about, it's been about nine months now. And it's completely changed the way that he feels about

himself, everyone else around him and his life as well. But it started by learning this story and going on this journey to try to help him and to try to change. Hey everybody, real quick, the anxiety and stress that could be caused by debt is absolutely overwhelming. And it makes you feel like there's no way out. And I remember I've been there back in 2010. And it is terrible to be in that situation. But there is hope for everybody. I do know that I've gotten myself out of terrible situation with debt as well. And there's no real one size fits all solution for getting out of debt. But Freedom Debt Solutions has more than 400 debt experts standing by to recommend the right solution for your specific situation. So no matter which

solution you qualify for, Freedom Debt Solutions could help you get rid of expensive credit card debt faster, and you can do it with just one low affordable monthly payment program. So if you have more than $10,000 in credit card debt and you're struggling to make your monthly payments, there is hope. Stop the stress and the anxiety of your debt and find out how you can talk to Freedom Debt Solutions, expert for your free personalized debt consultation today. Go to freedomdebtsolutions.com slash dial. That's freedomdebtsolutions.com slash dial. All right, let's get you back to the show right now. My old client, she only got $5 for getting a five-gallon bucket, right? And she was so mad about that. And then I said, okay, you know, let's try to relive this and see if maybe there's

another perspective of this. And so that's what we're trying to do is see another perspective. And I said, what year was this? And she's like, oh, it probably was about 1991. And I said, okay, how long do you think it took to fill up these blackberries? And she's like, oh my God, it felt like forever. But as a child, obviously time is way different. I go, how long do you realistically think that it actually took? She's like, if I'm being realistic, it probably took about an hour. And so I said, okay, I'm going to go ahead and Google what the minimum wage was in 1991. And the minimum wage in 1991 was $3.35. And so I said, listen, you were paid more than people that were three, four, five times your age in 1991 to work an hour than everybody else did because you went out and picked Blackberries.

And so you at six years old made $5 when someone else would have made $335. At six years old, that's a lot of money. And so I say, do you see there's a couple of things that your father was able to teach you through this? Number one is hard work. Number two is getting paid more than everybody else is getting paid, and number three is the art of negotiation. And the art of negotiation goes when he says, well, how much do you think we should have paid or should have gotten paid? And she said, $10. And he said, okay, tell me about that and made her justify it. So her dad was trying to teach her this life lesson, but as a child, she didn't get it. And she felt like she was getting less than she was worth. And that

has carried on in many other places in her life. So there was a negative association with money from the very beginning. So the question that I have for you, listening to these two stories, is what memories do you need to go back and relive and see possibly from a different perspective? What memories do you need to go back and relive as an emotionally intelligent adult so that you don't relive them anymore as a child that might have a completely different perspective? You need to build a different perspective. The way that it is, is sometimes you break a bone and then it gets set incorrectly, right? And that bone, if you don't reset it, which means that you're going to have to break it again,

then you're going to have issues. Like if you break your shin and it resets in the wrong position, it's going to send the rest of your body from that shin up your knees, your hips, your shoulders, your neck, it's going to reset them in the wrong position. You're going to have issues all over the rest of your body unless you re-break that and set it the right way. So it's kind of like you have a broken bone from this, you know, a broken bone. You can't see my fingers doing the air quotes, a broken bone from these traumas. And they're set, the bone has been set incorrectly. And even though you don't want to go back and relive these traumas, because they could

be painful for some of you guys, because there might be more painful events than, you know, the first time that you made money or, you know, what is it called? A jar of marbles. They might be more painful than that. It might be being yelled at. It might be being abused emotionally, physically, sexually. I don't know. But sometimes you got to go back and relive those in a safe place, whether that's with, once again, someone that you love or with an actual therapist and you relive these, it's kind of like breaking the bone again. It's not going to feel good, but you've got to reset it back in place as an emotionally intelligent adult so that you can now not have any issues with the rest of your life and the rest of your body.

This is the reason why, and you guys know I talk a little bit about psychedelics and I don't, I'm not the type of person that's into psychedelics just for like having fun and, you know, going out and partying. I like psychedelics and I believe in them for the therapeutic setting for myself and also for all of the studies. If you really want to know about it, Google the multidisciplinary association of psychedelic studies. It's MAPS, multidisciplinary association of psychedelic studies. Within the next six to nine months, MDMA and psilocybin mushrooms are going to be legalized to use in a therapeutic setting. And the reason why is because people are able to go back and relive these really hard memories under this substance and see it from a different perspective in a very loving way. And this is why it works really well with people with PTSD.

They're using this on veterans and it's like a 90% success rate when they use MDMA is because they're able to relive these very, very traumatic events, but from a place of a lot of love. Because when you're on MDMA, you feel full of love and amazing. It's not a drug that you just, I mean, you could take it and go have fun and party with it. People do. But when you sit with somebody and a therapist, they can talk you through a very traumatic event and all you can feel is love and trust. You can relive that traumatic event. Let the walls of your heart go down and you can feel them and reprocess them again. And that's why it's got a 90% success rate with people with PTSD. And so what I'm talking about for you, you don't have to

go through that and do all of that. What I'm talking about for you is trying to go back and reliving some of the memories that you could possibly be trying to hide from. Because ultimately, sometimes you got to re-break the bone in order to set it correctly. Because now you're an emotionally intelligent adult and now's the time to let go of the past so that you can go forward in the future. The best way to do this is to get a pen and paper and start journaling through and start thinking of these and start asking yourself, what traumas and memories could be holding me back? Start journaling through it, writing it down and start asking yourself what traumas and memories could be holding me back. Start journaling through it, writing it down and start figuring out if there's something that's

still holding you back today. So it's a deep, deep episode. I understand there's a whole lot and I could go on for another 45 minutes to an hour of different topics inside of here, but it's about healing yourself from wounds that you haven't healed yet. That's what we want to truly get down to. That's the point of therapy. That's the point of personal development. That's the point of spiritual development is to heal what needs to be healed so that you can go forward and create the future that you want. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. Please do me a favor as well. If you have not given us a rating or review on iTunes, please go to iTunes. Give us a rating and review. If you have not given us a rating or review on iTunes, please go to iTunes,

give us a rating and review. If you love this, give it a five-star review. If you hate this, don't give me a review, but send me an email and tell me how I can improve. I'm always open to listening to how we can improve. But I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Once again, for those of you guys that want to join in on the 30-day coaching challenge to get your first client, go to coachwithrob.com. Sign up for the waitlist. It opens up on Friday. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make someone else's day better.

I appreciate you. I hope that you have an amazing day. And once again, Friday's episode with the link to join in because the first 100 people get $50 off will be announced on the podcast episode this Friday, which will come out at 12 p.m. Eastern on Friday, 12 p.m. in New York. And I can't wait to see you guys on the other side. I'll see you guys on Friday. I hope you have a beautiful day and I hope you can take care of each other. See ya.