The Mindset Mentor - Embrace the Scariest Emotion (Vulnerability Pt.2 )

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

In today's episode, I am going to teach you how to embrace your vulnerability.   Want to master your mindset? Every Monday I send out an email with mindset tips for the week, click here to receive that email: http://mondayemail.com/ Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

When you go on holiday, there is no finer achievement than doing absolutely nothing. Nothing on the beach, nothing by the pool, walking kind of nowhere and chatting about nothing. As an Expedia member, you can save up to 30% when you add a hotel to your flight. So you can have a bit more money to go out there with great ambition to do absolutely nothing. Expedia, made to travel. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you love this podcast, please give us a rating and review. However you listen to us, it really, really, truly helps the podcast grow and be able to get eyes onto this podcast from people who have never heard

it ever before so that we can grow and impact more lives. Today is part two on vulnerability. We're going to talk about vulnerability. We're going to dive into it. We're going to dive into how to embrace vulnerability and really start to be the person that we truly are. And vulnerability is the only thing that I believe that can truly set us free and allow us to feel love, but also give love more than anything else. And we need to learn to be comfortable letting our armor down and letting people see us and being fully exposed with our true authentic self and saying, you know what? Either these people accept me or they don't, but it doesn't matter if they accept me or not because I accept myself and I love myself for who I am. And so

we're going to dive into that today. And like anything else, it's hard at first. The first time I started becoming vulnerable when I realized that I was too closed off, when I realized that I was putting up a mask, I was acting like I was someone that I wasn't, and I decided, you know what? I'm gonna try to be my true, authentic self. It was hard.

But just as anything, it becomes easier and easier the more that you do it and the more that you practice. And as adults, I think all of you that are listening, all of us, we need to learn what we need to do to live with courage, with purpose, and with more connection to others. I think one of the things that's really missing from the world right now is purpose and connection. And when we're in relationships with somebody else, when you're in a relationship, and when we're in relationships with somebody else, when you're in a relationship, a deep intimate relationship with another person,

the first thing that we want to see in somebody is who they truly are, right? You know the first couple of dates where it's like someone's acting like they're someone that they're not and then three months later, you finally see that person. You're like, oh shit, that's not who I thought you were. You're a completely different person

or they show you their true self and you fall more in love with them because you see that true self. So it's the first thing that we really, truly want to see in somebody else in dating, but it's the last thing that we want people to see in us. The vulnerability, the true version of ourself, and we keep that armor up. But here's the crazy part about all of it. We know, we want to, not we know, we want to know them, the real them, the person that they hide from everybody else. But we don't want them to think that we're weak, so we don't really want to show them our real self yet. And I know, I can tell you this 100% positively of all the people I've coached over years, there's some people who have been wearing a mask for so long, 20, 30, 40, 50 years and hiding themselves, but they don't

even know who they truly are anymore. They don't show it to their friends. They don't show it to their kids. They don't show it to their partner. And they're actually lost behind the mask. And if you feel like you're that person, I'm going to try to give you some tips today to open up so you can truly identify who you are and be okay with showing that to everyone around you, especially the people that you love. Because why would you want to go through your whole life and number one, not know who you truly are, but number two, not allow the people who truly love you to see that version of you, right? So people hide from

who they truly are. They hide who they truly are from their partner, from their kids, from their friends, from their family. But one of the things that makes humans so much more advanced than animals is our emotional capacity. And to not open up emotion is not letting us continue to advance ourselves and in turn advance our species. And I think the quote that really pops into my head right here that explains it is, be the change that you want to see in the world. You know, we want to see better people in the world. We want to see more connected people in the world. We want to see more loving people in the world. We want to see more vulnerable people in the world. But we're like, let's let everybody

else do it first and then I'll do it, right? No, no, no. That's not how it works. When Gandhi said, be the changes you want to see in the world, what he means is that you need to look at the world and say, hey, in this world, what are changes that I want to see? And then I need to step into that knowing that when I step into that, I am a lighthouse for everyone else to see what it would look like. And I give other people around me the permission to do the same thing as well. So you have to be the change that you want to see in the world. In order to have a true, deep relationship with people, you are probably going to have to be the first one to open up and be vulnerable.

You're the one listening to this episode. They're not listening to this episode. So guess what? They're probably not even realizing that they're not their authentic self. They're probably not even realizing that they're putting on a mask. They're probably not even realizing that they're not being as vulnerable as they could be. You're listening to this episode. There's a pretty good chance that you have to be the person to first open up. And the first step to being open and vulnerable is to believe that first you are enough. You know, we talked about in the last episode is one of the things that we're so afraid of is not being enough, not being pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough, fit enough, good looking enough, whatever it might be, you feel like you're not enough. And when you feel like you're not enough, you hide your true self from other people.

So the first step to being open and vulnerable is to believe that you are enough. You're good enough. You're pretty enough. You're fit enough. You're smart enough. You're thin enough. Could you get better? Sure. Will you get better? Yes. And it actually is easier to get better when you actually love yourself first than it is if you hate yourself and don't believe in yourself. And so there's nothing that can make you more or less. This is a really important topic I want you to understand, is there is nothing that you could do that could make you better or worse than you currently are. There's nothing you could do. There's nothing that you accomplish. There's no amount of money that you could make that will make you more or less than what you currently are at this moment. So if that's the case,

you're already enough. You know, if that's the case, you're already enough. You know, if you think, oh, I'm not enough. I need to read some more books and then I'll be enough. No, reading books aren't going to make you any more or less of anything. Oh, I need to make some more money and then I'll be enough. No, making a million dollars isn't going to make you more or less than what you already are. And just because you might not see it yet doesn't mean that it's not true and you might not be where you want to be. You might not have the money that you want. You might not have the success that you want or the business that you want

or the relationship that you want. You might not have the physical body that you want yet but it doesn't mean that you can't stop looking at yourself as if you are enough now. You can look at yourself and say, yeah, you know, could I lose 50 pounds? Yes, but I love myself as I am. And because I love myself so much, I'm going to actually take better care of myself. Sure, my body will look different. It will be more fit. It will weigh less.

But it doesn't mean that I'm going to love myself more when I have that than I do right now. You have to tell yourself that you're enough. That's the first step to being vulnerable is finally realizing that you've been telling yourself consciously or subconsciously that you're not enough for way too long. And when you don't feel like you're enough, that's when you have to hide behind the mask. That's when you can't be vulnerable.

That's when you can't show the world your true self. Because when you believe that you are enough, it makes it easy to be vulnerable. Because you truly believe that you're worthy and the way that you're comfortable and the way that you look and the way that you are enough, it makes it easy to be vulnerable because you truly believe that you're worthy and the way that you're comfortable in the way that you look and the way that you feel and being the way that you are. So you don't need other people's perception. You don't need to put on a mask and pretend that you're someone else to get other people's approval because the person whose approval you have and need the most is you. And you already have that.

So you can go out and you can be your true, authentic, vulnerable self. And if they accept it, they accept it. If they don't, they don't. Doesn't matter though, because you love yourself how you are. This is also the first step to being confident. So many people are like, oh, you know what? I was running a Zoom the other day. Someone was like, I just, Rob, how do you just get more confident on camera? I'm like, you don't. You have to just go and be on camera more often. You become more confident. How do you become more confident? Nobody's born confident. Confidence is something that's built, but it starts with your own belief in yourself.

So when you can look at yourself in the mirror and you can feel happy and feel like you are enough, can you get quote unquote better? Sure, whatever better means. You can lose weight. You can make more money. You can have a better relationship, all of that stuff. But it's not gonna add or subtract to who you are, which means that you already are as perfect as you can

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and you realize that you are enough, you can be confident showing that to other people. You're perfect just the way you are. Just allow yourself to start being happier. Stop hiding. You know, when I first started this podcast, the one thing that I've really wanted, and this has been just over seven years

that I've had this podcast, and it's been one of the most cathartic things for me. It's been like therapy. Because when I first started the podcast, I wasn't open. I wasn't vulnerable. I wasn't any of those things. You know, when I was, I learned to hide everything away. I learned how to wait. You know, I tell a story of my father when he passed away when I was 15. He died on a Thursday. We flew from Florida to Tennessee, which is, you know, where he was when he passed away. We buried him on a Sunday and I was back to school by Tuesday. And I went back to school and I acted like nothing happened. Why? I hid it from everybody because that's just the way

society is. When you're, it's hard for a guy to be vulnerable, especially when you're a 15 year old high school sophomore. And you know, that's when boys act like they're the toughest. And even my close friends didn't know it. And I hid it all away because I was afraid of the vulnerability But then what happened I was reading this book daring greatly and just by chance of of starting the podcast and I was realizing You know, what if I really want to make a good podcast? I feel like I need to not act like i've got my shit together because I don't There's so many people out there that act like they have everything together I don't know anybody that's fully got my shit together because I don't. There's so many people out there that act like they have everything together. I don't know anybody that's fully got their shit together. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to tell all my flaws. I don't want to be people's gurus.

I don't want people to feel like I'm better than anybody else. I don't want them to feel like I'm further ahead. I just want them to realize, listen, I have crazy thoughts. I have mindset issues. I have stress issues. I have anxiety issues. And I'm working on myself to get better every single time. I developed some strategies to help me along the way. And that's just what I want to share. And what happens, and what was so cool about it, is that as I started sharing myself and my vulnerable self and my authentic self, I started getting so many messages that people are like, I just love how vulnerable and authentic you are. I was like, holy shit, this is what people are actually connecting to. Your mess is your message. What you've gone through is something that you can express and tell people about and

inspire people. And you have to realize that if you really want to experience the best feelings in life, experience joy, you also have to feel deeper, darker feelings as well. And speaking of joy, just to give you an idea, this is another thing that is vulnerable, is to allow yourself to be actually happy, to allow yourself to fully experience joy. There's so many people I've talked to over years that are afraid to let themselves experience joy. Some people just don't allow them to do it. They don't allow themselves to do it. In their happiest moments, they hold themselves back from being 100% joyful in that moment because they think to themselves, what if this is all gone one day? I don't want to love this moment.

I don't want to love this person. I don't want to love any of this too much because one day it might all be gone, right? I've coached a lot of parents over my time and they see their kid leaving to go to school on the first day. You know, they're like six years old and they see their kid leaving to go to school on the first day, you know, they're like six years old and they're seeing them. And instead of being proud and happy for what that kid is, they think, oh my God, it's going by so fast. And soon they're gonna be 18 and they're gonna be leaving me for college

and they're gonna go to school. And what if they get bullied at school? And what if something happens at school? And instead of just allowing themselves to fully be present in that moment, they start stealing their joy and their happiness away by worry, fear. I don't want it to be too good because what if it's gone one day? And they fully strip away the joy they could feel in that moment. Or parents, have you ever done this before? You watch your child sleep and you think about,

oh my God, this thing is so beautiful. I've never loved something so much in my entire life. And then you interrupt that beautiful, amazing, joyful, loving feeling with, oh my God, what if I ever lost them? What if something ever happened to them? And so you can't even allow yourself to experience full joy because even that is vulnerable. Or you're in a moment of full joy with someone that you love, but instead of being fully in the moment,

you hold back because you're worried if that person will always be around. What if they'll screw you over one day? And you ruin great moments and worry about being too vulnerable in that moment versus allowing yourself just to be in that moment. Oh, I don't want to enjoy that moment too much because of what could happen one day. Then you let yourself down and you worry about something happening. You don't experience those joyous moments fully, those loving moments fully. You don't allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic in those moments fully because of the possibility of what might possibly happen down the road. And once again, you put your armor up. You have to allow yourself to be happy. You have to allow yourself to experience joy. You have to allow yourself to be happy. You have to allow yourself to experience joy. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Another thing that's part of being vulnerable,

stop trying to be perfect. As somebody who used to think that they were a perfectionist, me, this is a really hard one for me to get rid of. Because as perfectionists, we believe that what we're doing is trying to make something perfect so that we can make sure

that we bring out the best in ourselves and the best in other people and for other people to love whatever this thing is. But really what we're doing is we're trying to avoid or minimize the pain of blame, of judgment, of other people's opinions, of shame. And so we take our gifts and we hide our gifts behind and don't ever show it to the public because I'm a perfectionist. It's not ready yet. But perfectionism is not the key to success. It's actually the thing that holds most people back from success, is they feel like they have to be perfect and ready before they launch or do whatever it is they need to do. And this is

correlated with depression, with anxiety, with addiction, because we feel like we have to be perfect, and it is literally impossible to be perfect. Perfectionism is self-destructive. It's not a good thing. Perfectionism is self-destructive. It's not a good thing. Perfectionism is self-destructive because it is an unattainable goal. Remember, done is better than perfect. As long as you get it done, that's good. That's all that matters. Another thing you could do to allow yourself to be more vulnerable is to stop numbing. What do I mean by numbing? I mean drinking, smoking, keeping yourself busy all day long, working too much, scrolling through Instagram all day long, keeping your mind so busy that you can't actually sit and think about life. Because people, what we do is we feel if we stay busy, consciously or subconsciously, it's usually subconsciously. If we stay too busy, the truth won't catch up to us. So people smoke, they drink, they eat, they work too much,

they scroll too much to minimize their feeling of vulnerability. I'm not just talking about alcoholics. I'm also talking about like, when I mean drinking, it could be like, take the edge off drinker or smoker. I'll have a glass of wine to relax. You got to ask yourself, why is there an edge in the first place? I'll just have a piece of cake to relax. You got to ask yourself, why is there an edge in the first place? Oh, I'll just have a piece of cake to relax. I deserve it after such a hard day. Why is there an edge? Why do you need to relax?

That's the actual thing. I'm sorry to say it, but all of that in itself is hiding. You're hiding from something. What is it that you're hiding from? I don't know. That's for you to decide and for you to figure out. And believe me, I'm not perfect.

I do it myself. But we need to become aware of when we do it. Like, oh shit, look at me. I'm doing it again. And we're numbing the feeling of the real world because the real world is too much for us to handle at the current moment. And so what can we do to start being the way that we want to be? Start being more vulnerable. If we can start doing these steps, if we can start feeling a real connection between us and other people, because that's what makes us human, is that real connection, is that emotional connection with somebody else. And what makes us different from all other species is the ability to make those types of connections. We as humans are hardwired. We want connections emotionally, spiritually, physically. And if you're not allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic,

you are cutting off those true connections from what they could be. We all want to feel seen. There's one thing that I know is every person wants to feel seen. Every person wants to feel heard. Every person wants to feel valued and give and receive without judgment. But if we don't allow ourselves to open up to be vulnerable, we will never get that feeling that we want so badly. But in order to get all that, we have to learn to be comfortable with vulnerability and learn that it's a necessary thing in order to be truly happy. So allow yourself to be open. Allow yourself to be seen. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to be authentic. Believe me that you are enough. You have to understand that. And you're perfect just the way that you are. And you can always change and quote unquote improve, but you

are enough as you currently are. In order for you to make deep, lasting changes in your relationships, realize that somebody needs to be the first, the most courageous to make the first step to be vulnerable and to have courage. You're going to have to be that person. Don't be afraid of being looked down on. The one that is being vulnerable is never looked down on. They're always seen as a strong person that people look up to. They're a courageous person that people look up to. So what can you do to go out and be more vulnerable

with the people that you love so that you can be seen, heard, felt, and open up all of those true emotional connections that you want? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Also make sure, go ahead right now and follow the Mindset Mentor podcast right now. We have over 20,000 followers already.

Once again, the Mindset Mentor podcast. We share a ton of clips from this and also some bonus stuff as well. So go ahead and follow the Mindset Mentor podcast on Instagram. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes someone else's day better. I appreciate you and hope that you have an amazing day.