The Mindset Mentor - Ep. 14 - Losing My Alcoholic Father

Episode Date: September 21, 2015

My father died when I was 15, after years of being an alcoholic.  I don't have a memory of my father sober. Mike Abramowitz of G.R.A.B. Tomorrow asked if he could interview me for his upcoming book and we decided this would also be a good episode to publish. Although this is a longer than our typical episode, we speak about how no matter what happens in your life you have two choices - either you see yourself as a victim or you find a silver lining and learn from every negative. We hope this episode can help people who have been through similar circumstances in their lives. Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Psst, hey, do you want a free motivational e-book called Hack Your Goals, a Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving Success? Go to mwfmotivation.com and download it for free like hundreds of other people already have. Okay, now I'll get you back to the podcast. Welcome to the MWF Motivation Podcast, which I am proud to say has been rated the number one podcast in iTunes new and noteworthy in six different categories, including self-help and business, and is a

podcast designed to help you grow into the best version of yourself in 10 to 20 minutes. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we'll take a life topic, break it down, discuss it, and leave you with thoughts to impact your life and mind. My name is Rob Dial, and the podcast starts now. Welcome to the MWF Motivation Podcast. My name is Rob Dial, and I have a very exciting guest on the line with me. I have Mike Abramowitz, who I know from my Cutco selling days. And we had a conversation a few days ago, and he asked if he could interview me for a book that he has coming up. And I thought it'd be a great idea to record the episode so that everyone out there

could kind of hear a little bit about my story and also get to know Mike as well. So Mike, you on the line? Yes, I am. Can you hear me? I can hear you. Great. Can you hear me? Yes, I hear you perfectly. Perfect. So Mike, if you want to go ahead and I guess jump in, explain why you wanted to have the conversation and so everyone out there knows what we're talking about. Yeah, absolutely. And I appreciate you having me, Rob, and be willing to do this interview. I was listening to one of your episodes, which, by the way, congratulations on hitting number one on the MWF podcast. I think that's pretty exciting for you guys, right? Yeah.

Yeah. It took off a lot quicker than we were expecting, but that's a positive thing. Yeah. Sometimes you can't plan for greatness. It just happens. So I think that's really exciting. And, um, I was listening to one of the episodes and I remember I've known you for over 10, probably about 10 years now, somewhere in that neighborhood. And, um, you know, I remember when you were in the early stages and my, I lost my mom to a battle

of cancer. And I remember you lost your dad and, you know, we never really talked about it because it was just one of those topics that just never came up and now I'm launching this book for Grab Tomorrow called Real Stories from Real People and real stories that inspire and I just thought man what a great opportunity for not only people to learn from your story but also maybe they could maybe it could help them kind of cope with death or cope with alcoholism or cope with just the vulnerability that goes behind losing a family member so I appreciate you opening it up and talking a little bit about it because you're someone who is a business figure a leader in the community and you know this is something that happened when you were a teenager so how how did you go from, like, how did you get it? I guess I'd like to start off with, you know, when you were, it happened when you were 15 years old, right? My father passing away? Yeah, when you were 15? Yeah, he was 15. Or I was 15. So you when you were 15 years old,

but the problem, like, when did years old, when did it start? When did you realize, man, my dad has an illness or a problem? I mean, obviously, the end result was when you were 15, but you had to be pretty young. Yeah. So it's interesting we're talking about this because I just gave the full explanation. My girlfriend obviously already knew all of the, you know, the details, father passing away, alcoholic and all that stuff. But we never talked really, really in depth. And this past weekend we did. And so I guess that I kind of, it's interesting because I don't remember

younger, you know, two, three, four years old or anything like that. But I feel like my whole entire life growing up, my father was an alcoholic. Like I remember, like that. But I feel like my whole entire life growing up, my father was an alcoholic. Like I remember, there's not, I don't, I don't really know if there's any memories that I have where my father was not drunk or not an alcoholic. My parents got divorced. I think they separated when I was eight years old and then got divorced when I was nine. So that's, I think that's like fourth or fifth grade, something like that. And I remember a lot of different stories. I think the first time that I really realized that it was a problem was I was probably seven or eight years old at our house,

and my mom and my sister were at the gym. And I was there with my dad, who was drunk, and inside of our kitchen, we had, um, we didn't have tile. It was one of those, it was some, you know, not super nice duplex. And, um, I, it was, it was two bedrooms. So my parents had a bedroom, my sister was a teenager and she had a bedroom. And then, so I slept on the couch because that was the only extra spot. And inside of our, our, you know, our kitchen, it was just carpeting. And, uh, and I remember there was one time my, I didn't, I didn't really realize my father smoked weed. I don't think he smoked a whole lot of weed or anything like that,

but, um, but he was light. He was trying to light up a joint inside of our kitchen and he didn't have a lighter. So what he did was he took the, what's it called? It was like a piece of paper and he lit it. You can light something on the oven and he lit it on the oven and lit the joint and it went into my parents' bathroom. What he didn't realize though is that the piece of paper caught on fire and fell onto the floor. And I was sitting right by there and I saw it happen. So he went away and it didn't cause any massive fire or anything like that, but it started the floor on fire. And I was yelling for him. He didn't do anything. So I had to put it out myself and I was seven years old or something.

I was freaking out and had to take water, put it all out. And then I called my mom crying because I thought the house was, you know, I thought I was about to die, the house was on fire, all of this stuff. And I think at that point in time is where it kind of really clicked that my father was an alcoholic, he had a problem, and that was also, you know, that was the same house that we were in when I remember the time when, you know, my mom got my sister and I together and said, hey, we're going to go to your grandparents' house. We need to leave. And, um, I don't know how I had the mindset to, to,

you know, some people think, Oh, it's my fault. My parents get divorced and all of this stuff. But I personally didn't ever feel it was my fault. It was just like, I realized what was going on. And I realized that it wasn't healthy. Um, I didn't want to be in a house where it could be possibly set on fire. So we went and stayed with my grandparents for a while, just one day when, you know, my father was at the bar, which was, you know, he was always at the bar. And so that was, I guess, if I were to say an actual time when I realized it was a problem, it was probably when, you know, he started the kitchen on fire. He started the kitchen on fire.

Wow, that's crazy. So seven years old. And this, it just, it resonates with me. It's like at seven, I think about like my niece. And at seven years old, if she had to experience something like that, like how traumatic that could be for someone so young. that could be for someone so young. And, um, I, and so early in our life where it's, it's not like you, you have the capacity to like sit dad down and say, Hey dad, you know, what's, what's really going on with you? Like, what do you think is causing you to be so disengaged in my life as a parent? You know, it's like, if you could go back in time to like that moment, you're like seven, between like seven and 12 years old. And you could have a conversation with your dad and say, Hey, dad, like, what is what is causing you

to like, not like yourself this much? What is it that you're hiding from? I mean, what do you think you would say? It's a, it's an interesting question. I mean, I've thought about that my whole life. But the truth of the matter is, I kind of have an idea growing up now and talking to my mom, talking to, you know, figuring out his story was he didn't have, he had a pretty horrible story as well. So my father's father worked for Monsanto, the company that, you know, obviously is destroying

the earth right now with a lot of chemicals and all of this stuff. And he worked in a Monsanto plant and developed stomach cancer. And, uh, and he started going crazy from this stomach cancer. Um, you know, it affected his brain, it affected his thinking. And what actually happened was my father and my father and his two sisters, he was the oldest one, my father and his two sisters, he was the oldest one, he was 12. And they were sleeping on the floor in my, in my, in my grandparents room, I guess. So it was all three of the kids were on the floor, my grandfather and then my grandmother.

And he had the stomach cancer to affect his brain. He knew he was going to die. And what, for whatever reason, while everybody was inside of the room, he shot himself in the mouth and killed himself with all three of the kids there. And so what happened was, my father obviously had some crazy demons with being 12 years old and witnessing that.

And then from 12 years old on, having to be the man of the house and having to try to figure out how to wait to take over and act like he was mature enough on having to be the man of the house and having to try to figure out how to wait to take over and, and, you know, act like he was, um, you know, mature enough to, to, to take care of everyone. So, um, if I were to go back and have a conversation with him, um, I don't think that I would, I don't think that I would ask him any questions like that, because I think I pretty much have the idea. I would want to figure out if that's what it was, what demons are inside of him that make him want to drink.

But I think that being 29 years old now, going back to seven-year-old me, I would do exactly what I'm trying to do at this point, which is I'm trying to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and speak to these people and say, hey, listen, I'm 29 years old. I dealt with an alcoholic father. So I'm speaking, you know, kind of as your kids would in the future. And, you know, at 15 years

old, my father died. Let me tell you how my story is growing up with an alcoholic father for half of my life, and then half of my life, not even having a father and, you know, having to learn how to, you know, shave, having to learn how to, you know, treat women, having to learn how to shave, having to learn how to treat women, having to learn how to be a man and to treat people the right way. And so there's a lot of stuff that not having a father around affected me. And I think that if I were to speak at Alcoholics Anonymous and speak to these people, I think that it could help them in some way. So that's, that would be my conversation I would have is say, Hey, listen, dad, this is, you know, this is what my life has become. This is how it has affected me. And I don't want to change anything because it's made me the person that I am, but I want to tell you exactly how you're affecting myself, your wife, your other child,

which is your, you know, my sister and your daughter. Um, that's the conversation that I would have this, you know, everybody wants to go back and have the wake up call conversation. Um, and I wish I would have been old enough and mature enough to do so. Uh, but obviously I can't change that. Um, and you know, that would be the conversation that I would have. That's, it's really great to hear that you would go speak to an AA meeting. And it's interesting because it's such a great idea and a great concept. And for some odd reason, on 30 years on planet Earth, I've never heard of anyone going to do that. Is that a thing? That's the thing.

It's actually not a thing. And that's what I've been speaking with Alcoholics Anonymous and saying, hey, listen, I understand what you guys are doing. I think it's a great thing. I remember going to a thing called Al-Anon, which is for children of alcoholics. And being there and being a kid that was shy and didn't speak to anybody, and I was in this room and my parents, my mom couldn't be there. So it was just me, some shy eight, nine-year-old kid with an alcoholic father that was sitting in a room talking to other people that, you know, were as well. And so the thing is that they don't necessarily have it, but I'm working with them to be able to get me to come to these meetings, because I think that it's a story that needs to be heard. I think that people who have these

problems, you know, it's not that they don't love other people. They definitely do love other people, but I think that they need to have some type of wake up call to say, Hey, this is what, you know, I'm your future child. I'm your child in the future. This is how you're affecting me. And this is why you need to stop. You know, I think that, I think that everything horrible that happens to anybody in their life has some type of positive on the other side. And I think that, that my positive, my horrible thing is from my father dying is that number one, it changed my mindset. It made me appreciate every single day a lot more. But also the same time, I think that with this, I now have a perspective that a lot of people do have, but also a lot of people don't have and they don't hear a lot about.

So with my perspective, I want to be able to speak to these people and say, Hey, listen, I'm, I'm basically your child in the future. This is what their life looks without what looks like without you in it. And that's kind of my vision and how I'm trying to work with Alcoholics Anonymous. What a great concept. What a great concept. And you're right. I mean, really, it's like an illness. It's a disease that, I mean, I haven't had the experience personally with a family member. I witnessed one of my best friends, though. And his dad said, you know, get out of here. I don't want to ever see you again.

And I don't want you to see me like this. And that was the last time he saw his dad. And his dad died. And it's like I saw my best friend deal with that it's it's it's interesting to to me because it's like how could how could you know us we're like man where we don't have the disease how would a parent say something like that or do something like that that's going to hurt their kid but they're willing to do something to themselves. So how, how can you create a, like a compassion or this, how could you instill a feeling into them for other people if they don't even have that for themselves? That's, that's just one thing that it's, it makes it tough for me to fathom that idea. So I, I, I'm curious at this, I'm sure at some point in time,

maybe you've talked to your mom about it. Um, how was your, how was your dad? Like when they were in their early stages before your sister and you were born, was he, was he sick or was he like normal? And then when, once you guys had the, when, once he, you guys, once they had you and your sister, is that when it like kind of went downhill or have you ever talked to her about that? Yeah. So the, from what I, what I've gathered is it seems like he was, I mean, he was always a person who always liked to go sailing, be on the beach, um, drink beers and all of that, but it didn't seem like it was, it was really a problem at any point. My father was,

he was a salesman for heavy machinery, like equipment to build construction, you know, construction equipment. He sold that and did really well. You know, and then what happened was we lived in Tennessee. And when I was five years old, we moved back to Florida. And, you know, I was born in Florida. We lived in Tennessee for like a year and a half, we moved back to Florida. And I never actually known this until just a little while ago, when my mom actually told me that the reason why we moved back was because he was fired. And my boss called my mom and said, Hey, Steve, my father's name, Steve has a problem. I think he's an alcoholic. I think you need to try to get him some help. I tried to keep him as long as we possibly could, but there's nothing we can do for him. Um, and so that's why I moved back to

Florida and, uh, just to be closer to family and to try to get him some help. I didn't know. So this was five years old when this happened. So it's a pretty good chance that most of my life, if not my entire life, he was an alcoholic, but he had an injury where he was taking a piece of heavy equipment off of the back of the truck, the truck and injured his back and had to start taking pills for it. And I think that that was kind of the start of the dependency that he had on everything. So there was a trigger there? Like, I feel like there was, yeah, I feel like it was something. But I mean, I'm thinking that there was, you know, probably, you know, the situation with his father was a big deal as well. And then once you get to a point where, you know, you're good at your job and you can't

do your job as well, and you have these problems, you have to take these drugs and then, you know, also start drinking as well. I think that that's probably, that probably escalated it a lot quickly, a lot more quicker. that probably escalated it a lot quickly, a lot more quicker. And I really liked that response because a lot of times in life, there are like these triggers and, and some, you know, that's why I was curious. Was it, was it the, it could have been the birth of the kids. And he's like, man, I don't know if I'm fit to be a parent and tried to escape that, that reality. Um, but it sounds like that could have definitely been a trigger if he realized that he's all of a sudden incapable of doing a task that he was always

capable of doing. And I just think about you as the son. Now you're 29 and going from 15 to 29, you've dealt with this for over a decade now. Is there you, is there like a concern that like at some point in time, like it's like some people will say it's a DNA, like, man, that trigger might be inside of me where I could go backwards? Or is there certain things that you do to make sure that you maintain control of yourself? And it's like, you know what, never will I ever let any type of circumstance make me go to that dark place? Yeah, I, um, it's actually a really good question. Um, I don't, I don't think that it will ever happen to me. So my, my mom's fear is that it will, because, you know, people talk about how, you know, if you have a parent that's an alcoholic, it's a really good chance that a child

could be an alcoholic. And, uh, I don't think that, that, you know, I honestly, it will never happen to me. I think that my mindset has been built up that I will never become that. I don't have any type of addictive personality. You know, I've been on this fitness kick for probably about six weeks now, and I haven't had a drink of alcohol at all in six weeks. So it's, there's no, I feel nothing that, that makes me want to go to it. There's, you know, I feel like over the past, I think that it's growing up with it, but then also having, you know, as a 15 year old, having them pass away and seeing what happens when you go down that road. I will never become that. And I heard something, I think it might've been another podcast where they were talking and they said, you know, your mindset is everything and how you deal with something is everything.

And, you know, some people like to play the victim card and then some people like to take something and find the silver lining. And they said, you know, there was these, the example they give is they said, there's these two kids and they have an alcoholic father and one of them grew up to be an alcoholic and the other one turned up to be very successful. And they asked them the exact same question. They asked the alcoholic son, they said, you know, why are you an alcoholic? And he said, well, I'm an alcoholic because my father was an alcoholic. And then they went up to, you know, they asked the alcoholic that question, then they went up to the other one, and they said, you know, the one who is

successful, and they said, why aren't you an alcoholic? And he said, I'm not an alcoholic because my father's an alcoholic. So I think that it's, you can either go left or you can go right at every situation. And I always tell people that my father's death was the worst thing that ever happened to me by far. That was also the very first death I ever dealt with in my life. But it was also the best thing that ever happened to me because it developed my mindset of, I will never become that. There's so much more in this life for me to become. There's so much more for me to do. There's so many more people for me to help that that will never, there's absolutely no trigger in this world that can

make me become an alcoholic or dependent on anything because I feel like my mental fortitude is so strong from that. And I've built it up to be so strong that there is no option that I will ever go down that road because I always know that no matter what happens to me, I can either take the victim route or I can take the route of, I'm going to learn something from him. Positive can come from it. And that's kind of, you know, my father died, but there's a lot of positives that have come from it in my life. And there's more positives that I want to come from it, which is why I'm trying to work with Alcoholics Anonymous is to help other people who have this situation get some type of positive from it. Yeah, that's, I, you know, I have heard that story before. I don't know if it was in a book

or somewhere, but I have heard that before with the two kids. And, and it's, it's powerful that you're saying that it really is because there, there's always that silver lining. There's always that lesson, but it's, sometimes it's really a hard and challenging to find it because, you know, our, our mind naturally goes to the negative because it's easier to go that way. So it's, I, I love that. I really love that. And, you know, now you're, uh, beyond the, the circumstance and, you know, almost 15 years later, I think about when an unforeseen challenge happens now, uh, your, your mindset is a lot stronger than, um, than it was when you were 15, of course.

Uh, so what advice would you give to someone? Like if you have this, uh, 15 year old version of you or someone that maybe deals with, maybe it's not a passing away of a dad or an alcoholic, but what advice would you give to someone to take control of a situation that maybe an unforeseen challenge they might experience to help them build the mindset that you were talking about? Yeah. I think that if you, there's just, I'm, I'm very, I'm very into learning about successful people and what they do. And it seems like there's a lot of, it seems like some of the most successful people have some type of, you know, background where they came from poverty or they came from an alcoholic father that, you know, beat their

mother and that type of stuff. And I think that it's kind of like I said, every situation has two ways you can go. Either you can go the negative route or you can go the positive route. You can't go through your life without something negative ever happening to you. If you do, you're completely blessed because I've never heard of it before. But what you have to realize is that when that happens, at that point in time, you can't always know what the reason for it happening is. Whether you're religious or not religious, there's some reason why that's happening. My father's death, I wouldn't change it. Would I like to have him around? Sure. Would I have liked to grown up with him? Sure. But I wouldn't go back. I think if I were to go back and someone said, hey, would you like to change anything of your past? You know, your

father's being alcoholic, all of these things. I would not say yes. I would not want my father around because I could be a completely different person. You know, I could be a crappy person right now if I would have had a father around and, you know, say he would have become a super successful businessman and then I would have become dependent on alcohol or something like that. You know, there's a lot of stories where that happens where someone is very, their parents are very successful and then the kids turn out to be bad. But I would say if someone's going through that type of stuff where it's like, you know, maybe you have an alcoholic father or maybe, you know, there's, there's like, like your case where you're, you know, it's when I first knew you, your mom was going through cancer and you were going up to New Jersey all the time while you were in college.

And it's a hard situation. But the thing is, I heard a story where it says, bad stuff is always going to happen to you. But the reason why bad stuff happens to you is so you can in turn help other people when bad stuff happens to them. And I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was a lady who, they were at a conference and this person said, I think it was a Tony Robbins conference or something like that. And the lady stood up and she said, listen, I don't believe that. My son passed away three years ago and he's, you know, it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I don't think any good will ever come from my son passing away because I would have much rather it be me so he could have his entire life and he could live it to the fullest. And it's just

sad because I don't think that will ever happen. And she was at this conference, like 1,000, 2,000 people. And unbeknownst to her, she had a lady that was sitting directly next to her that started crying during this situation when she was talking about it. And that lady next to her had just lost her son like two weeks prior and went to this conference because she was trying to figure out some type of way to cope with it. And unbeknownst to her, she was sitting directly next to a lady who needed her help on, Hey, this is how I got through it. I want to help you get through it. And that was her silver lining. So it might have taken years for her to find the silver lining, where it was, you know, your son passed away, this horrible thing happened. But how can you

help other people who might be going through the exact same thing? So I think that if someone's going through something challenging, something that's really hard, you can never connect the dots looking forward, but you can always connect the dots looking backwards. And I think that, you know, if you're going through hell, keep going, just go through it, push through and try to find some silver lining at some point in the future, because nothing happens just to happen. There's some type of reason why stuff happens. There was a reason why that lady's, you know, son died. And there was a reason why they were, she was next to the person who had the exact same situation happen to her at a conference that, you know, had thousands of people there. It's, it's so true with, with

not knowing who's going to need your help and what situation is going to um like where where you're going to be needed and at first it's like why is this happening to me you know this is the worst thing ever and i know when i was dealing with that with my mom it was it was horrible i mean it's like how could ever how could like burying your mom, an innocent person, ever have a silver lining? And now, as a coach and mentor, coaching and trained and spoke to over 20,000 students, that cancer takes one out of two people. And getting a chance to influence them to say, you know, there's a lot of things that we could appreciate, like our health and learn and get educated of what causes cancer and, and, uh, just, um, how to manage our mindsets, how to manage our relationships, how to live with gratitude and live with love and tell the people you care about them.

Cause you don't know, you don't know when you're, you're going to be taken just like Nick shakes, man. I mean, we are one of our good friends. It's like, we have no idea when we're going to be taken from this earth. And I think living life with that mindset is, um, I mean, it's powerful. It's powerful. Some people might say it's hocus pocus. Some people might say it's like, oh yeah, that sounds good. It sounds all good and dandy, but it's not going to work for me. Uh, I mean, what, what, what advice would you tell them? If you say, you know, these are some habits that I've done. These are some books I've read. These are some activities I've got involved in that helped me strengthen that mindset.

And the actions produced my mindset versus just waiting for me to have an epiphany. I actually took initiative. Well, what would you say some of those habits or some of those behaviors could be? Or maybe books to read or activities to get involved in? Yeah, I would say maybe the best book to read in that is a book called As a Man Thinketh, which is one of the very first self-help books. It was also the book that inspired The Secret. And it just talks about how whatever you think is going to become your reality. So it's interesting when you say it this way,

because it brings up a good point. And I guess I should go back and say, there's not always a silver lining, but there's a silver lining if you make there become a silver lining. Because I could have, and a lot of people do where they have an alcoholic father, I could be an alcoholic. I could be dependent on drugs. I could be dead right now. I could have gone another route, but I chose not to go that route. So maybe there's not a silver lining in everything, but you can always make a silver lining if you try to change what could become of you. As a Man Thinketh talks about how, you know, whatever you do, whatever you reap, you know, whatever you do, whatever you reap, you sow, whatever you think you'll get. And I gave this episode,

in a couple episodes ago, I gave this example and he talks about, think of your mind as a garden, you know, and you are the only gardener, you're the only one that has access to this garden. You know, if your mind is a garden, then whatever you plant inside of that garden, you're going to get, you know, if, if you're a gardener and you go and you plant strawberry seeds, the only thing that can grow from that strawberry seeds is strawberries. That's it. But you have to make sure to take care of it. There's no way for you to grow, uh, you know, put strawberry seeds in and grow tomatoes. It's impossible for that to happen. If you think of your mind the exact same way, if you only think negative stuff and you only plant negative seeds

and you're negative all the time and think of, you know, why me? The world's out to get me. Just all of this stuff, if you're just negative, negative, negative, and in this garden, your mind, you plant negative seeds, there's no possible way that you can get positive results and you can get positive stuff from all of these negative seeds that you plant. On the other hand, though, if you're a gardener and you take care of your mind and you take care of everything, you know, every weed that comes in, every bad thought you take out, if you plant positive thoughts and think positive and everything is positive and you water it and you take care of it and you groom it, then if all you think is positive, then all you will ever get is positive.

And you'll find a way to be positive even when bad stuff happens to you because that's just whatever you reap, you sow. Whatever you think, whatever is going on in your mind will become your reality. I'm a big believer in that. So when somebody's going through those types of things, I would say if you think of your mind that way, it's hard sometimes. You know, I always say you can't control your first thought, but you can always control your second thought. You know, so if your first thought that comes into your mind is, screw this person, screw that, why is everything against me? It's like a weed inside the garden. You got to pick the weeds and take them out so they don't mess with everything. But if you can not control your first thought, you can always control your second one. So it

could have been, why me? Why did my father become an alcoholic? Why did all of this stuff happen to me? Why couldn't it have happened to somebody else? And I could have let that stay in my mind all the time. But instead it went from, you know, I'm sure at that point in time, it was why me? Why did my father have to go through this? But then it came from, you know what? I can't change it. There's nothing I can do. My father was an alcoholic. My father's dead. I mean, I can't bring my father back to life. I remember sitting in a funeral and looking at his dead body and thinking, I just can't wait until he jumps up and says, hey guys, I'm just kidding. Because he was, you know, that type of person. He wouldn't, you know, fake that. But he was the type of person

who would, you know, like to play jokes and like to play pranks. That's where I got this, that, you know, my personality from, I think. And I was expecting, I was like, he's going to jump up, it's going to happen. And then it never happened. And it was like, you know what? They closed his casket. We put him inside of it and, you know, inside of the car and he was gone. We cremated him. We, you know, dropped his ashes off of Anna Maria Island, which is the island I grew up on. And, and that was it. It was over. There's nothing I can do. So there's no reason for my past to affect my future in a negative way. and that was it. It was over. There's nothing I can do. So there's no reason for my past to affect my future in a negative way. Um, because that was it. It's a closed door. I can't change it. I can't go back. Um, I might as well just figure out how I can deal with it

and deal with it in a positive way. That's the power of choice, you know, the power of choice and, and choosing that second thought. And's something as serious as choosing not to be an alcoholic or choosing the right disciplinary habits. It could be something as simple as choosing to hit snooze on the alarm versus choosing to get out of bed. It could be choosing what to put in our body to drink water versus soda. The power of choice is, um, it's powerful stuff. And we, we do control those choices and we do choose how to, uh, focus on that silver lining. And, and I love what you said. It's like the past is beyond us. And that's one of the mantras for grab tomorrow is move past your past. And I think it's, uh, take the lessons from

it, but accept it. It's acceptance. And once we achieve that acceptance, we find acceptance and we could appreciate the circumstance that happened. Man, it allows us to move forward. Well, I think that, and I'm going to interrupt you because I want to talk about with your situation. It was, I know that, you know, your mom passed away and all of that, and it's a horrible thing to go through. And I bet you're probably a different situation. You do wish your mom was still around everything, but you've spoken to 20,000 people, 20,000 students. There are so many people that have been affected

by your story and so many people that have gone, well, I'm trying to deal with this. And then they hear your story and see what you've become. There's been exponentially more people affected and more positive that has come out of it than negative because of the fact that, like you said, you made a choice of this is not going to hold me back. You made a choice of I'm going to be vulnerable. I'm going to tell people my story because other people are going through it or going to go through it. And out of those 20,000 people, I know that way more

people have been effective in a positive light than a negative light. You know, you could have, and it's probably one of the reasons why you're so into doing and why it's your passion to do it is because you could have spoken to somebody who, if they wouldn't have heard your story, would have gone down the wrong route. But then they listen to yours and go, you know, this guy's going exactly through, you know, he went through what I'm going through and look at where he is now. Why can't I go that way? And, you know, you could have affected so many more people's lives in a positive than that one negative. So that negative was, you know, is a big thing to you, but exponentially more positive to other people that are out there in the world. And I, like you said,

it's the power of choice. You chose not to let it affect you in a negative light. You chose to find a positive from it. And so many more people have been affected positively from something that is negative as that that happened to you. Yeah, it's true. It's true. And there was many times that I did not want to get off the couch and I did not want to continue moving forward. And because I surrounded myself around people who were mentors and books and inspirational quotes and just journaling. I would say journaling and just capture those raw, real, excuse me, those real emotions really made the difference.

Yeah, man, that's funny. I have some journals when I was after my father's death, a year after it, two years after it. And it's, it's interesting to go back and read those raw emotions. That's for sure. Yeah. The, the journals, uh, it's like a, I call it in, in my first book, your best year ever, uh, a photograph of emotions because you look through like a photo album and we're like, oh my gosh, I remember that picture. Oh my gosh, I remember that, that event. And, um, sometimes we can't, we could see the photo, but the journaling captures the

emotions behind the photo. And, um, that's actually a really good thing. That's, that is, that is, you asked the question of what would I recommend someone going through stuff? Journaling is a really good thing. I'm, I'm a really big believer in writing every single day. I'm not a big journaler. I do journal, but then I also write a lot of lyrics, poems, songwriting, all of those types of things. And I find that it's a very, whatever's going on in your mind, they always say you need to speak about it. You need to talk about it.

I think that journaling does that. But I also think that with enough writing, I think it's magic when you put pen to paper, magic happens. And I think that with enough writing, enough journ it's magic when you put pen to paper. Magic happens. I think that with enough writing, enough journaling, someone can eventually figure out what that silver lining is and whatever the negative is. I completely agree with you. As long as they're answering the right questions. That's the thing.

If we ask the question of, why does this happen to me? We're going to get a really terrible answer if If we say how can I choose a response that can help me achieve my goals in life of becoming more of dot, dot, dot, and we really think about it hard and long enough, we'll be able to create an answer to that question. Yeah, definitely. Thank you so much for your responses and just being real and just given, uh, just given the goods. And I think your, your explanations, your responses today are going to help a lot of people get some clarity on such a sensitive topic. So I really appreciate you taking the time to walk us through that.

Yeah, absolutely. Um, well, Mike, why don't you, uh, why don't you do this? Why don't you, um, talk a little bit about grab tomorrow? Talk about what you do. Um, talk about how people can get a hold of you, and then also your book that's going to be coming up that you have, I think, by the end of the year, right? Could you give a quick explanation how people can get a hold of you and how they can listen to stuff that you're doing and read the stuff that you're making?

Yeah, absolutely. This will be transcribed and put into the book that will be released at the end of the year, which is called Grab Tomorrow. And the title is going to be Real Stories that Inspire. And you can get information on the website grabtomorrow.org, G-R-A-B tomorrow.org. And there'll be some information on there. And what we're going to be doing is all of the proceeds from this book. We started a nonprofit through Grab Tomorrow that's called PB&J for Tampa Bay to feed 25,000 homeless each year. And so all the proceeds are going to help those in need here in the area. And we're really excited that we've already fed over 4,000 people this year just by raising awareness of, you know, we feel like it's

something simple, but everyone deserves to have a, we feel like it's something simple, but everyone deserves to have a meal. Even if it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, they deserve to have something. And it's simple and it's easy to get involved in. So we're really excited about that. What my goal is, is to just continue influencing the masses. And I think that I get inspired by people's stories all the time. And I think sometimes people want to share it, but they don't have many people that are willing to listen and I think this book is an opportunity for them to get inspired to hear other people's stories but inspired to start sharing theirs and risk vulnerability and go through that real emotion and go through that experience versus avoiding it so that way they could accept it because once we go through it, we could accept it. And then it's in our past and then we can move forward and live a life that we deserve to live. That's awesome. See, man, so much positive can come from negative stuff. It's a,

it's an incredible thing. I completely agree with you on people deserve meals. I've said in another podcast where I carry water inside of my car and also crackers and peanut butter because I don't want to give people money on the side of the road because, you know, have an alcoholic father, you never know where that money is going to go to. But like you, I feel the exact same as you as people need to drink water, they need to eat. And I think that if you can do anything you can to help people, but that's awesome. I didn't, I didn't know about that, that charity. That's a, that's a great thing. Well, uh, I appreciate you being on this episode and I appreciate you interviewing me. That was a pleasant surprise. And, uh, I can't wait to, uh, to send this out to everybody for

them to hear. So I appreciate you, Mike. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate you as well. And so that is it. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you like what you hear, please share with a friend, spread the love if you think it's something they could benefit from. If you want the show notes from today, you can get it at mwfmotivation.com, which is also where you can download our free ebook, which is called Hack Your Goals, The Step-by-Step Process to Achieving Success. And if you want to keep in touch with us, you can follow us on Facebook or Instagram. Both of those are at MWF Motivation. And if you like what we have, please subscribe to us on

iTunes, Stitcher, or SoundCloud, because we make it our mission to give you as much valuable stuff as possible. But thank you so much again for listening, and I hope you have an amazing day. Outro Music