The Mindset Mentor - Ep 69 - The Keys to Self Talk

Episode Date: January 27, 2016

The most important conversations you will ever have is the ones between your ears. In this episode I talk about the keys to positive self talk in order to get what we want in life. Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Before we dive into today's episode, if you would like a free copy of our motivational ebook called Hack Your Goals, the Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving Success, go to mwfmotivation.com and download it. It's already been downloaded over a thousand times, so go ahead and get your copy now. All right, I'll get you the podcast right now. Welcome to the MWF Motivation Podcast, which I am proud to say has been rated the number one podcast in iTunes new and noteworthy in six different categories, including self-help and business, and is a podcast designed to help you grow into the best version of yourself in 10 to 20 minutes. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we'll take a life topic, break it down, discuss it, and leave you with thoughts to impact your life and mind. My name is Rob Dial, and the podcast

starts now. Welcome to the MWF Motivation Podcast. My name is Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, please subscribe to us on iTunes, Stitcher, SoundCloud, however you listen to us. And if you like this episode, we're going to be talking about self-talk and how you talk to yourself. All I ask is that you just please give it to a friend, let them listen to it if you think that it could impact them as well. We are on our way to a million downloads in the first 12 months, and we are at about 220,000 downloads right now at the time of this recording. And the only way to get to a million in the first 12 months is by everybody helping somebody else and sharing this. So today what I'm going to talk about is positive self-talk, because the most important conversations that you'll ever have in your entire life

are the things and the conversations that happen between yourself and only yourself. So what do I mean by that? I mean that we all talk to ourselves. It's natural. You're not crazy. I hope you're not crazy. If you do talk to yourself, it's okay. If you hear multiple people talking in your head, there's probably something that you want to get checked out in that sense. But how often do we talk to ourselves and talk ourselves out of good ideas or fun ideas, something that would be fun or something that would put us out of our comfort zone, but we just want to stay in our comfort zone and not have the opportunity to possibly fail. So when you talk to yourself, you have to talk to yourself. You've heard me say this over and over again if you

listen to some of my episodes. You have to talk to yourself the way you would speak to someone that you love and you can't beat yourself up for things. I know myself, this was a really, really hard thing to overcome is to stop beating myself up for failures because I think that I just expected so much of myself because I held myself to a really high standard. If you're in the same situation, I want to try to help you out through this and take you along the process that I had to go through in order to try to get better. So when you talk to yourself, you want to talk to yourself the way that, like I said, you would talk to someone that you love. You wouldn't hang out with someone who talks to you the way you talk to yourself.

You'd be like, screw this person. This person is a Debbie Downer. There's no possible way I want to hang out with this person. And everyone wants to improve. Everyone wants to get better. The only reason you're listening to this, I'm assuming, is because you want to have a better life. But before you do all of the steps of trying to get better, trying to improve and working on all of your skills, you have to start with yourself in the conversation that happens

between yourself and only yourself. Think about it this way. You can't start to improve and go on this mission, this race to start improving, if you don't accept and love yourself first the way that you are. It's the starting point. You can't run a race and skip the starting line. So learning to love yourself, learning to talk to yourself the right way is the starting line of this journey that we're going on to self-improvement. So what you tell yourself, no matter what it is, stores in your subconscious. And I will talk more about the subconscious versus the conscious in a later on episode. But this is something I want you to know. No matter what happens in your life, good, bad,

neutral, your subconscious does not know what is true and what is false. All it can do is it can be the filing cabinet that files away all of your thoughts, files away all of your beliefs. So if you talk to yourself negatively, if you're constantly talking to yourself negatively, your subconscious is storing this and making you actually believe whatever these things might be, even if you consciously know that they're not true. If you're playing basketball and you're missing a lot of shots, you're like, man, I suck at basketball. I'm so bad at this.

You might know that you're not really bad at basketball, but your subconscious doesn't know the difference between if what you're saying is true or what you're saying is false. So negative self-talk and the reasons why you can't do something will store into your subconscious and then constantly in the back of

your head, remind you of those things, remind you why you're not good enough, remind you why you can't because you say you can't so many times. The good thing about that though is positive thoughts will also store in your subconscious as well. And the subconscious will just constantly remind you of these things. If you say, man, I'm good at this, man, I'm great. All of these positive thoughts, it's like someone running behind you in this race, supporting you, saying you can do it, you can do it, you can do it. And in a way, you're kind of tricking yourself to believing in yourself by being positive because your subconscious is storing all of this inside of your brain. So you need to be positive. A great book I would recommend if

you have not yet read it. It's called The Power of Positive Thinking. It's by Norman Vincent Peale. Once again, it's called The Power of Positive Thinking. And I just checked, it's on audible.com if you want. You can go ahead and download it for free. If you go to mwfbook.com, they'll give you a free 30 days and you can get a free actual audible download of a book if you wanted and you could get there. That's up to you if you want. Mwfbook.com is a website. But you got to stop doubting yourself. Tell yourself why you can do things versus why you can't do things. And I've said it in a previous episode, you have to remove the words I can't from your vocab. I absolutely, I don't know if anything in this world drives me more

crazy than when someone says they can't out loud. And the reason why is because you're consciously telling yourself all of these things and your subconscious is storing, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. And then when you get a big challenge, your immediate thought is I can't. And then you never do it because all you think of is I can't, you can't do it. And this is something I recommended as well. If you haven't heard it, it's called the death of I can't, or excuse me, the funeral of I can't. And what you want to do is take a piece of paper and write down what you are horrible at, write down what you can't do. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't get a raise.

Whatever the heck is going on in your mind that you think that you can't do. I want you to write all of them down on a piece of paper. If you need multiple pieces of paper, write down everything that you cannot do. And then what I want you to do in a safe place, don't light your house on fire or anything, is you take that piece of paper, you light it on fire, and you watch it burn, and you never say, I can't again, and you never say anything that would possibly make you store in your subconscious reasons why you can't do something. So when you look in the mirror, what are you saying to yourself? Are you looking at all of your flaws? Are you focusing on

everything that you hate about yourself or everything that you don't like? All of these things, the mark that you might have on your face or the pieces of parts of your body that you hate, the fat that rolls over, whatever it is. Are you looking at all that stuff and saying, I hate this. I hate this about myself. I hate this about myself. I hate this about myself. You need to stop doing that and look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself and focus on what you do like about yourself, what is good about you, because all of those things are going to store in your subconscious. The flaws you try to cover up, whatever they might be, stop trying to cover them up. Just let them out for a week. Let them be. If there's a scar that you try to cover up, just let it be the way that it is for a week. And then you'll realize, hey,

this isn't really that big of a deal. Actually, I don't even really hate this because this scar that I have might have a really good story to it. Someone might ask me about it and then I might have a really good story to tell someone. So focus on what you do like and stop trying to cover up the stuff that you don't like. And when you see a challenge, what do you immediately think? Do you think I can do this because of these reasons? Or do you see this challenge and you think I can do this because of these reasons? Or do you see this challenge and say, I can't do that because I failed in the past. I can't do that because I'm not smart enough. I can't do that because I'm not fit enough. I can't do that because I've never practiced. I can't do that because I've never done that. Naturally, we try to go to start to go to, I can't, I can't do this. I can't do this, but it needs to turn

into, I can, or it needs to turn into, how can I? It needs to turn into ways to overcome all of these different thoughts that we have in our head. Think about all of the good stuff you have done versus think about all of the stuff, the times that you failed or things that might've gone wrong. Think about how far you've come. Think about where you are today versus where you were a year ago, two years ago, three years ago, five years ago. Think about if you're living in an apartment now, think about the time when you were struggling to pay rent. Now you're like, man, actually I can pay my rent. This is awesome. And you think about what you have accomplished and how far you have come

versus how far you need to go or how you're not where you want to be. You got to think about all of the things that are positive and have this positive self-talk going on in your own head. And you need to eliminate the self-chatter. And I understand it is super, super difficult. This is a very difficult thing to do. And it's a habit. It's a daily practice. It's actually more of a minute by minute practice more than anything else. But you have to remember what you're good at, what you've accomplished, how far you've come, and you need to have the default positive thought. Whenever you get down on yourself, remember that thought of, oh, there was that one time when I succeeded here. Think of the times when you succeeded or the times when you won an award. Think of your positive

default self, excuse me, your positive default positive thought is what I was trying to say. So your default positive thought, the time when you succeeded. So when you say, I can't do this, you immediately switch it to, hey, how can I do this? Because I've also done all of these things. Think about all the other times when I succeeded in the past. Actually, I could probably do this. Write down what you love about yourself. And it's weird at first. I understand it. Right when you get done with all of the funeral for I can't and getting rid of the I can'ts, write down all the stuff that you love about yourself. And I understand that it's weird at first. It starts to be, oh, I really love this about myself. I really love this because

we're supposed to not be conceited and we're not supposed to be narcissistic and all of these things. But this isn't a conceited narcissistic thing to write down what you love about yourself. This is a self-love thing more than anything else. Think about the things that you love about yourself, the times you succeeded, the times when you overcome something that you didn't think you were going to, the awards that you've won, all of these things. Have a bragging session to yourself and then keep that bragging session, that piece of paper with you, or put it all down on your phone anytime that you need to. And you can look back at it whenever you need to give yourself some confidence and remember all of the good things that you have done.

Because what I want you to realize is this, we all want to go somewhere. We all want to become something. We're all on different paths, but nobody's going to believe in you unless you believe in yourself first. You have to believe in yourself first before anyone will believe in you. If you don't believe in yourself and you try to act like you do, people will not believe in you just because you're not giving off the vibration of actual self-belief. And if you don't believe in yourself, nobody else will. So what you have to do is you have to decide to develop this as a habit. And it's a process. You will never be perfect in this. There's always going to be the negative thoughts. It's something that we've learned over years and years. But the best part about it is if you've learned it, you can also unlearn it. So here's the challenge I want to give to you. Can you go one day, one day, 24 hours without

one negative thought? Can you go one day without one negative thought? And I understand, let me, let me tell you exactly what I mean by this. You're going to have negative thoughts come in, but as soon as that negative thought comes in, you need to replace it right away. So when that negative thought comes in, immediately you have to be like, nope, this negative thought needs to get out. Let me think of the reasons why I should be positive. And you can't hold on to that negative thought and immediately needs to go. So for instance, you know, if you're in traffic and someone cuts you off, you immediately might go, oh, this a-hole, blah, blah, blah, and then in your head, you get so pissed, but you immediately have to turn to, hey, I don't know what's going on

in that person's life. I'm alive. I'm in a car. I'm driving a car. This might be your car that you own. You could be grateful for the fact that you own a car and focus on the good versus focusing on all of the stuff that could be wrong or something that just went wrong. Someone pisses you off.

focusing on all of this stuff that could be wrong or something that just went wrong. Someone pisses you off. Instead of immediately going to, oh, this person pissed me off and maybe lashing out at them, actually take some time and go, you know, this person's lashing out at me and they pissed me off. Hey, maybe something's going on at home. Maybe this person has, maybe they're going through a divorce. Maybe someone that they're close to is dying or is sick or something like that. Me getting mad at them is not going to bring any value to this situation. Maybe instead of me getting pissed off, I just let it go and just let it pass. Because in 10 years, are you really going to remember that situation? If somebody gets mad at you today or pisses you off, if you're not going to remember it in 10 years, then what's

the point of wasting your time with it right now? Just let it go. It's not that big of a deal 99.9% of the time. So that's my challenge for you is can you go one day, 24 hours, one day without one negative thought? And then once you go that one day, you try to go for two days and then three, and then you try to go for a week. And then you try to make your life positive as you possibly can by thinking positive and having a positive self-talk because that is the most important conversation that you will ever have is a conversation that you're having with yourself.

So with that, I hope that you have a great day. I'm going to leave you the same way that I leave you every single day. Make it your mission today to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. I appreciate this journey that you are on. It's hard. It's difficult. But I promise you, all of this is absolutely worth it.

But I hope that you have an amazing day. Well, that's it for today's podcast. If you want the show notes for this episode, they can be found at MWFmotivation.com. Also, if you liked this episode, please spread the love and share it with a friend because it's our mission to help as many people as we can. And to keep in touch, you can follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Both handles are at MWFmotivation with no spaces. Now you know what time it is,

so go out and make your dreams a reality. Outro Music