The Mindset Mentor - Ep 71 - Why We Focus On The Negatives

Episode Date: February 1, 2016

It seems like every human is programmed to focus on the negatives more than the positives. The good part about that is we can also reprogram ourselves to focus on the positives and I cover how we can do that in this episode. Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Before we dive into today's episode, if you would like a free copy of our motivational ebook called Hack Your Goals, the Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving Success, go to mwfmotivation.com and download it. It's already been downloaded over a thousand times, so go ahead and get your copy now. All right, I'll get you the podcast right now. Welcome to the MWF Motivation Podcast, which I am proud to say has been rated the number one podcast in iTunes new and noteworthy in six different categories, including self-help and business, and is a podcast designed to help you grow into the best version of yourself in 10 to 20 minutes. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we'll take a life topic, break it down, discuss it, and leave you with thoughts to impact your life and mind. My name is Rob Dial,

and the podcast starts now. Welcome to the MWF Motivation Podcast. I am Rob Dial, which you probably already know. But if you have not yet done so, please subscribe to us, however you listen to us, so you never miss an episode. And also, please share this with a friend because we are trying to change the world one person at a time. Today's episode should be a pretty quick episode. And I am going to talk about why we remember negative stuff more than we remember all of the positive stuff. And I want to preface it by saying this. I am just a guy who did not graduate college because I decided to drop out because there was no value in it for me. So I have no degree in psychology. I don't study people's brains or do any of these types of

things, but I do know that there's a lot of reasons why we're negative versus positive. And I want to share those with you. So I try to think of everything that happens as far as a caveman. Why do we do all of the things that we do? You know, what happened thousands of years ago that made us act and be the way that we are? And I try to think of why would we be negative and why would we remember negative stuff and hold on to all of the negative instead of focusing on all the positive stuff? And if you listen to the episode that last came out where I talk about the positive self-talk, there's going to be some stuff that kind of overlaps, but these two episodes are going to go together. And what it is, is this, the reason why we think negative and remember the negative stuff is because when we were back in thousand, 2000 years ago, whenever it was,

when there was cavemen or there's people that were going around and picking berries. And there was, before we had all of the stuff that we have now that makes our lives as great as it is, all of the stuff that we have now that makes our lives as great as it is. We have homes and ways to protect ourselves and not being eaten by animals. All of these things, we had to remember all of the bad. So therefore, if somebody, if our friend John had a bad berry and John dies, well, then we want to remember that bad berry so that we don't have that bad berry and die as well. Or if we go a certain way, we're walking down through the forest and we see, hey, this is where that pack of lions, this is where they all live. Well, then we want to remember that. That's the negative thing we want to remember so that we

don't go by that pack of lions again. So we remembered that stuff thousands of years ago, but now it doesn't serve us as much to remember all of the negative. We don't have to worry much about eating bad berries because they don't really sell poisonous berries here in America, at least. I don't think they do. I hope they don't. We don't have to worry about lions jumping out of bushes because I have a car and I would just run it over. But for all of these things, now it's screwing us over as we are at the point where we don't have to worry about all the bad and worry about all the negative stuff. So why do we get stuck in the negative? Think of this. If you think of your ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, usually the first

thing that you think of is the one thing that really pissed you off about them or the one thing that they did really bad or how bad your breakup, or whatever it was, and you think about all of the things that went wrong versus they could be a really good person, but you're not thinking about those things. It's your default thought is just to go to the negative, and that's just the way that we're programmed. The best part about that, though, is if we're programmed that way, if we've been programmed, we can also try to reprogram ourself to not be that way. If you've been programmed, we can also try to reprogram ourself to not be that way. If you're with somebody in a relationship right now, maybe you're going through a fight. Instead of going through the fight and thinking about all of the things that they're

doing at this current moment that's making you mad, why not think about all of the great things about this person and try to think about all of the things they've done for you. It's easy to remember the negative. It's not advanced. It's not the advanced humans that we are in 2016. It's very caveman-esque to think of the negative all of the time. You're not helping yourself evolve if you don't think about the positive stuff. It's easy to think about the negative. It's hard to think about the positive. So are you going to let yourself go back to the caveman days and think about all of the negative stuff? Or are you going to try to help yourself evolve throughout this life that you have? Another example of this is judging people versus putting yourself in their

shoes. I heard a story earlier today about a lady who was, it was actually a story that it was a cocktail party. And there was this lady that nobody wanted to talk to because everyone's talking about how she was so stuck up. She was so cocky. She always pushed people away. So nobody wanted to talk to her. And the person telling the story said that he was curious about this lady. And he's like, well, screw it. What do I have to lose by walking up to her and trying to have a conversation? And what he actually found out was he had a really deep conversation is that after a while, she started opening up and telling

him about all of the things that were not going right in her life. And he realized that the reason why she was acting the way that she was, why she was pushing people away is because she had a barrier up and wanted to push people away. And that came off as cocky or arrogant before she could get hurt because she's been hurt so many times. If you get cut off, I said this in the last episode, if you get cut off in traffic, are you getting really mad at this person versus putting yourself in their shoes and going, hmm, you know, maybe they're in a hurry for something. Maybe they're rushing to the hospital. Maybe this guy's wife is in labor. Maybe his kids just got into a car accident or

something's going on. There could be something happening. I remember one of my mentors told me about a time where he was behind somebody. She was driving like crap and he just kept honking the horn and honking the horn. And there's a two lane road. So he couldn't pass her and she was going slow and she was not driving. She was kind of driving erratically. He thought she might've been drunk. And he's like this this idiot, she's so stupid. He just kept hitting his horn, hitting his horn. See, it was a lady. And then when he gets to the stoplight to turn

and he gets next to the lady, really pissed. He's just so mad and fuming about it. He pulls up to the lady and noticed that she was crying profusely. Something had just happened to her that was so horrible. So maybe she was driving to, who knows? Maybe she was driving to the hospital know, who knows? Maybe she was driving to the hospital. Maybe someone that she knows just died and she was going to consult her family

for something that happened. And he's the jackass that's behind her honking the horn and pissed off because he's going to be a few minutes late or because she's slowing him down. So instead of focusing on the negative of this person's driving so horribly in front of me, or they're going to make me late, put yourself in their shoes and stop judging people in that sense. And think of, man, maybe there's something going on that I don't know. Maybe there's a story behind the person and maybe there's something going on in this person's mind. Maybe I should just sit in my own car, enjoy my ride, enjoy myself, and think about the positive stuff that's going on in my life.

And ask yourself, if you're honking at this person, if you're mad at them, if you're judging these people, if you're thinking about the negative, ask yourself, what good can come from being so negative? In our world, everything, it seems like, is just so geared towards all of the negative. The news, it's negative. Everything's just, it makes it seem like everything sucks. But in reality, everything's great. Crime rates are down. All of these things are down. It's the lowest murder rate we've had since pre-1960. But it seems like it's horrible. And all of this negative stuff, it just keeps getting fed to you. People watch these reality shows where people just are crappy on it. They treat each other

like crap. The women that are just going after money and all of this stuff, and then men that are treating women like crap or just going after them for sex, whatever it might be. There's just all of this stuff where it seems like everything is negative. Take your mind out of that. Stop thinking about the negative. The news and all of that, they put that out there because they know people are geared towards wanting to see the negative wanting to find out what it is because they understand the psychology of our caveman days take yourself out of that reprogram yourself talk to yourself about the good stuff versus the bad if you're talking to somebody this is one thing that i i love to do and learned not too long ago if you're talking to

somebody you say hey how's everything going first thing they usually say is, oh, everything's great. Okay, well, tell me a little bit more. Almost immediately, the people go for the bad. Well, you know, I was late. This happened. My boss is an ass. This happened. I hate this. They go to the negative. Immediately stop them and say, hey, I don't want to hear that crap. Let's do this first. Before you tell me about all the bad, listen, I'll listen to all of the bad stuff that you want to tell me. If you want to vent, I promise I'm here for you. But before we get into all of the bad, I want you to do this. I want you to tell me what's good. What happened today that was good? What happened this week that was good? Tell me about something that you're excited about.

Tell me about something that makes you happy and have them start talking about the good for a few minutes and they'll get excited and their mood will change. Ask them more about the good. Oh, really? That's what you're working on? Tell me some more about what you're working on. And then after they get done with all of the good go, all right, well, do you want to tell me about the bad stuff? 99% of the time they'll go, no, I actually don't want to tell you about the bad stuff. Because nobody wants to be, nobody wants to talk about good, good, good, get themselves excited about all of these stories and what's going well, and then put themselves in a negative position again. So if you want to make others around you happy and make them feel good and be positive,

ask them about all of the good stuff that's going on. If they try to tell you about the bad, interrupt the bad immediately and say, hey, listen, if you want to vent to me, I understand we can do the venting, but I want you to tell me what's good in your life because I'm really excited to hear about it. And so that's an easy way to help the people around you as well. Think about the positive. Also think about what you're grateful for. Gratitude. Our minds are built to hang on to the negative so we can reprogram it. Why not take a piece of paper and write down everything that you're grateful for? Take five minutes put a timer on your phone write down everything that you're grateful for anything at all this morning I was sitting on my couch and the weather was finally not cold again in austin. It was 71 degrees today and I was like man

It's beautiful outside. I'm really happy and grateful that this weather is the way it is And I was eating my bowl of oatmeal that I have every single day. And I was like, this oatmeal, some people don't have oatmeal to eat. They don't have anything to eat. They don't wake up into a nice place where they have air conditioning, where they have this beautiful weather, where they have something to eat. I'm actually, it was oddly interesting, the situation I put myself into today because I made myself grateful for the bowl of oatmeal that I was eating. So you can do that same thing with yourself as well.

Reprogram yourself because I've told you this a million times. Your mind is like a garden. Whatever you want to get out of that garden, you have to plant it first. If you plant negative seeds in your garden, you will only get a negative life and a negative mind. If you plant positive seeds in your garden, the only thing that you can get is positive garden, positive life, positive world. So make sure that you're in control of what goes on. Think about the positive versus the negative. And my cliche corny, absolutely corny, it's like the most cliche thing I could say to you right now is, and this is my mission for you to listen to this episode and do this today, is to find the silver lining in

anything and everything today. I understand. Sounds corny. Sounds cliche. And something bad happens today, tomorrow, the next day, whatever day it is. Ask yourself this. This situation, ask yourself this, this might say, oh, this, this situation, it sucks. What good can come from this? My boss is throwing all of this work at me. What good can come from it? Well, maybe you can be really good, do really well at it. And they say, Hey, this guy, actually, this woman, actually, she killed it. She did awesome at this. And I threw a bunch at her. You might be next in the totem pole for promotion. You never know. So find the silver linings in everything today and the next day and the next day and keep that going as long as you possibly can. That's my mission for you. And my other thing that I want to leave you with as

always is make it your mission today to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. I hope that you go out, you make a positive day and stop thinking about the negative. And I hope that you go out, you make a positive day and stop thinking about the negative. And I hope that you have an amazing day. Well, that's it for today's podcast. If you want the show notes for this episode, they can be found at mwfmotivation.com. Also, if you liked this episode, please spread the love and share it with a friend because it's our mission to help as many people as we can. And to keep in touch, you can follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Both handles are at MWFMotivation with no spaces. Now you know what time it is. So go out and make your dreams a reality. Outro Music