The Mindset Mentor - Getting My First Mentor FULL EPISODE

Episode Date: August 8, 2019

Episode 629 - I got my first real paid mentor 14 years ago. This is a conversation with him. His name is Jon Berghoff and you're going to learn a ton from him! Follow me on Instagram at https://instagram.com/robdialjr Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to the Mindset and Motivation Podcast, one of the top motivational podcasts in the world. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we come out with a short, to the point, no BS episode to help make massive changes in your mind and transform you from who you are now to who you want to be. My name is Rob Dial, and the podcast starts now. Welcome to today's episode. If you have not yet done so, please hit that subscribe button. We're just going to dive in today. This is an interview that I just had this week with my very first mentors from when I was 19 years old named John Berghoff.

John, amazing human, smartest person I've probably ever met. You sit with him and speak with him and he's so wise you feel like you're talking to an 85-year-old man. And I can't wait to give you this episode. This is a brand new episode, brand new interview with John, because I know I've had interviews with him in the past. But without further ado, this is the interview with John Berghoff. Welcome to today's episode. I'm your host, Rob Dial. I'm excited to have my very first mentor. When I was 19 years old, I paid John Berghoff more money than I actually paid in rent. That's a true story, to be my mentor. And it was the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. And the thing about me is that I grew up, my father was in and out of my life, passed away when I was 15. And I never really had a consistent figure that was a little bit older than me, much wiser than me, that could help me along the way. And it was until I got to 19 years old.

And I worked with John for a few years, completely changed the course of my life, took me from a 19-year-old that partied way too much and was not on the right path into now doing what I'm doing now. So, John, how's everything going over where you are? It's really good, Rob. It's good to be with you. And it's actually fun just to listen to me hear you reflect on our coaching. I actually remember, I remember very vividly, I don't know about you, there's some experiences in my life where, like, I can go right back to everything that was going on. And when you were, you may have been one of my, I know you were one of the first. You could have been the first coaching client I had. I think I might have been the first.

And I remember, I remember at that time, I was living in a townhouse where I rented out four other bedrooms. I was just this bachelor dude. And I had this teeny little like $50 desk. It was barely more than a box that I, it was in my bedroom. And I actually remember sitting at that desk, looking out the window, some of our conversations. And one of the things I remember about coaching with you is, is I remember you were like one part 19 year old kid and you had one voice in your head is just like you just said that

was like, Oh, I think I need to be out partying. Yeah. And I remember you had another voice in your head that said, well, maybe I should be doing something else. And, uh, I don't know what advice I gave you or if it was any good, but, um, it's been amazing to see what you've created. Uh, my answer today would be, you should party and develop yourself. Yeah. Well, now 12 years, let me think. Yeah. 12 years later, I don't like partying at all anymore because I am too driven for what I'm actually going towards. And partying takes me off course of that. So it's interesting how it works out. But yeah, I mean, it was crazy because that's why I had to ask you how old you were because at 24 years old, you were the wisest 24 year old I've ever spoken. Like I've ever met my entire life. I remember that. And, uh, I probably didn't even know that you were 24 because this is

what happened. And this is why I think I might've been your first coaching client. I signed up for Hal to be my coach. And then you called me the next morning and I was like, who the hell is this guy? And, uh, and I remember, I don't know if you remember the conversation, the next morning and I was like, who the hell is this guy? And I remember, I don't know if you remember the conversation, but you're like, so tell me about yourself. And I was telling you, I was like, oh, I'm almost at something they call FSM. I don't know if you know what FSM is in Cutco. And you're like, oh yeah, I've sold a few hundred thousand dollars worth of knives. And I'm like, oh, okay. I got it. But no, it's amazing. And I think that part of the reason, one of the main reasons actually why I'm so obsessed with personal growth and why I got so into it was because I saw the growth that you had. I saw how successful you were at a young age. And then you recommended a lot of books to

me. And the very first book that you ever recommended to me was the five major pieces to the life puzzle by Jim Rohn. And it was short. It was the very first book I actually ever read outside of college or a college high school, any sort of schooling. And I still have it to this day and it's completely marked up all of these underlines, all of these highlights. And so after that, I just went on a frenzy and I just started taking all of the personal growth that I possibly could because I saw that it helped you. It helped other people that were in the business. And, uh, and I kind of ran with it. And so the, the first question that I have for you is, you know, how did you initially get into personal development? Um, initially, when did it actually start? How did you get into it?

But then also when did you become, when and why did you become obsessed with it? Because I, I feel like I'm obsessed with it, but your son's name is Kaizen, which is constant, never ending proven in Japanese. And so that's, that's, I think, feel like you might even be a level above me in that sense. So, you know, when did you get, when did you get into it? Um, how did you get into it? And then also what, what made you obsessed with it? Yeah, I think it was, I think it was a few different things that happened all at once at a, at a time in my life. I was 17. I was in high school and, uh, and I, it was actually a low point for me and it was a low point, uh, socially. It was a low point, uh, physically, I wasn't that healthy. It was a low point, uh, psychologically. And, um,

I, I just had a culmination of events, Rob, where as a high school student, and if anybody's ever had, you know, major depression or really felt really lonely. Yeah. I don't know if I had those labels in my head at that time, but I was just in a really tough place. And I had the good fortune and the good fortune was a friend of mine introduced me to this opportunity to sell Cutco knives and and sometimes when I've told that story over the years you know I I give all the credit to the universe I say yeah I don't know how luck works and I feel like I got lucky but I have learned over time that I actually need to give myself some credit

because I had the courage to say yes to something that I had no business saying yes to selling knives. And so that led to really my passion for personal development because here's what happened. I walk into that office and I remember my first manager, Dan Cassetta, personal development, because here's what happened. I go, I walk into that office. And I remember my first manager, Dan Cassetta, who I consider a, what I would call an eternal mentor to me, which means no matter how we remain friends, and no matter how much we connect or don't connect, his lessons are with me every moment of every day forever. And they'll,

they'll be passed on to my kids. And when I was a young man, 17, I remember Dan saying at a meeting, it was the first sales meeting I was at. And he said, he said, life doesn't get easier. Your skills will get better. I remember thinking, huh, that's kind of interesting. You know, I'm still learning about this knife thing. And then he says, and I'm sitting there thinking, okay, so life's not going to get easier. So I was at a tough place in life. And I'm hearing, well, what needs to change is my skills. I have to create the capability to handle obstacles. And then the next thing that he said in this talk that he's giving at this first team meeting I'd ever been at is he said your income, I think it was probably a Jim Rohn quote.

He said your income will seldom exceed your level of personal development. And I remember sitting in the chair. I remember the chair I was sitting in, in the like zip up tie I had on. I'm sitting there thinking, well, that sounds like there's some sort of truth to that right there. And I haven't quite lived that truth. But that idea that my life is going to be a reflection of who I become, there was a seed of truth that I believed in. I thought,

what if this guy's right? Because my life at that point, in my mind at least, couldn't have gotten a lot worse. And I'm sure I would have been fine. But I look back and I realized that in that moment, I thought, you know what, if this guy's right, then I should consider, you know, following along here for a bit. And then the long story made a little longer is what what really just happened there is what was born in me and Dan exemplified a skill that I today I think is a mark of an incredible leaders, he had a certain humility. And the humility that he had was even though he at that time was already one of the most successful managers in the history of the company, he didn't believe that he had all the answers for me. And so what he told me to do at a very young age is he said, look, I'll teach you what I can. He said, but you should learn something from

everybody. Every person is a teacher in some way. Every obstacle could be your greatest gift in some way. And the obstacles and the people that give you the biggest challenges, they're probably your biggest teachers. And he told me that. And he had me paying money to a coach. I had a Tony Robbins coach. I was paying 500 bucks a month. I was 17, just like you hiring me. And so that developed Rob, what I would call an insatiable curiosity, an insatiable curiosity, like a never ending hunger to continue to ask, why do things work? How do things work? And how can I get better? And, and that's, uh, you know, you mentioned, I recommended a lot of books. Fortunately, I've always enjoyed

reading. And so that's just carried me forward. And that, that curiosity has become pervasive and never ending for me. I mean, I can tell you right now, I'm curious about things that just, that drive me nuts. I'm so curious. Um, but it's that kind of curiosity that has, uh, it's helped me to get through a lot and get a lot done. For sure. Yeah, I can completely attest to that being the same. I remember probably the second person in my life that I ever spoke, and this is actually in my notes to ask you about this. Second person I think that ever told me about visualization in my life was you. And the first was my mom.

When I was 13 years old, I was going to go into a championship basketball game. And I was so nervous because I was the captain and the captain of the other team was my very best friend. And so it was literally like both of us against each other. And I was so nervous. And she's like, why don't you just go into your room and visualize it and visualize the game? And I was, my mom listened to Tony Robbins all the time. I thought it was the stupidest thing ever when I was a kid. And so I was like, okay, let me go do it. And so I visualized for like 30 minutes and I went in and went through the whole place. And so I was much more comfortable.

Well, for about six years later, I never heard anybody talk about visualization. I remember you talking about with being with Dan Cassetta, your first manager, and how you were going to try to break this sales record. And it was this massive sales record and that he had you every single day visualize what it would be like to be number one on stage. So it's like a 10 day push is what we call the sales push. And for 10 days, every single day, he had you come into the office and do this visualization routine. And since then I've taken it and usually in my own life. But can you walk through the

visualization routine, how that worked in in how you think that you use that type of visualization in your life now? Yeah, yeah. You know, it's funny is as you describe that I realized, I've forgotten, I've even failed to remember that story until you bring it up. Yeah. But yeah, Dan, Dan taught me. He didn't teach me by sitting me down saying, here's how visualization works. The way that he taught me is we acted it out. And so he was the person who introduced me to this. And then I became a student of this concept. But what we did is, yeah, there was a sales contest. It was a two week contest. And, um, every single night at about nine 30 or so, uh, at about the point when every other rep left the office, what we did is,

is we didn't sit there and I didn't close my eyes and visualize winning the contest. We actually enacted, we, uh, it's not a reenactment. We enacted the future as though it was happening in the present. And the way we did it, and you'd appreciate this is, you know, when you go to these big sales conferences, the way they do these contests, is there's a countdown. And as the number gets higher, you know, you've sold 5000 10,000 12,000, as the number gets higher, people step down off the stage. Right. So,

as you know, there's drama. There's all this because nobody knows how much anybody has sold. And you don't know how high it's going to go and who's going to be the last one standing. Well, what Dan and I would do is every night after everyone left the office, he would actually lead the countdown. And I would enact, right, as though it's two weeks from now or 10 days from now. And as we got closer, it's a few days from now I would stand on the stage. And as he would do the countdown, we took chairs and the chairs represented people and, and just to give it some drama when he'd get to another level, 15,000,

20,000, we would grab a chair and we'd throw it off the stage, you know, across the room and he and I are yelling and screaming and it's just he and I. And, uh, and's just he and I. And so that was my first in that competition. We visualized every night me being the last person standing and what ended up happening. I was the last person standing. And then that happened quite a few times in that particular career. And then I went on to become a student. I was a student of Tony and a student of Steve Linder, who's really a guy that even Tony has turned to to get NLP advice.

I've been through all these different experiences where I've been introduced to different ways to visualize. It plays a big role in my life today. There's a great, one of my favorite books that we used to send to our first coaching clients, it was by Wallace Waddles. It was written in, I don't know 1910 or something it was called the science of getting rich which is just a i guess that's a title that got me to open that book at that stage in my life and i'll never forget reading about that book that there's these scientific principles that help

us to be successful and one of them was we have to learn how to hold on into our minds the images of the world that we want to create and we have to learn how to hold on into our minds the images of the world that we want to create and we have to learn how to hold on in a way where it's not an exercise or an activity that I do Tuesday in the morning or Thursday night but where we have to get to a point where we can't even let go of that image yep and I remember I remember the first time I came across that idea thinking huh that makes sense so I try and I try and live with and constantly invite new images of the future all the time. One of the ways I do that, like I'm just looking at our whiteboard over there, is I ask myself, what are the questions that I want to

be permanently asking? And if I have a problem to solve or a product to design or a big opportunity, I think, what's the question that I'm trying to answer here? And I write down that question and I let that question sit in my head and ideas will pop up at random times. And so that's how it still carries forward for me today. See, I can, I can attest that because at the very beginning of the year, I said, all right, part of my morning routine that I'm going to add in is I'm going to have my three goals. So most people, when they go into New Year's resolutions, they put down like 50 different goals. And the three that I had were, number one, I wanted to be in Italy and living over in Italy by July 1st.

And so every single morning, I visualized what it would be like to wake up and go down and get a cappuccino at a cafe and all of these things. And I went over every single one of them every single morning, just three. And what happened was exactly like you said, was I got so excited to be in Italy that I worked harder, that I figured out ways to make more money. Another way, another thing was to get my business to $30,000 in profitability every single month. And those two things together, I knew worked together. The more money I made, the easier it is for me to go to Italy, obviously. And I hit both of those goals before July 1st, because of the fact that I was so excited about them because I saw them every single morning. I saw the life that I could have every single morning before I did anything else,

before I even had my coffee. And then what I thought to myself was, what if I take this even further and I make my coffee, but as I close my eyes and visualize it, what if I, in my eye, in my head, go down to this cafe and then actually sip the coffee while I'm there. And so by the time probably March rolled around, I was so excited for it. I was like, I cannot wait until July 1st to get out there because I know I have to, it's just, I'm so excited that being here is actually kind of depressing for me. It's kind of the way that it felt. And, uh, and we got out here, right. And so we got, so yeah, you're already there every single morning and you wake up and you're like, oh yeah,

that's right. I'm back in my house in Austin, which is still a great place, but it's not Italy. And so I can attest to, um, to what you said, where the more that you visualize, the more that you see it, the more that you make it a practice, you actually start to yearn for it more. Like you want to, you want it because you feel like it's, you've already been there and it's being pulled away from you if you're not there. So I love that. That's great.

I'll add one thing to this, Rob. You know, you and I got reacquainted when we met up again at our first ever Best Year Ever Blueprint, where you, the idea for your podcast here, which now you've got 50 million video views and millions of downloads was born at that event. One of the things that we do at that event, and by the way, if you're listening, I don't know when we'll publish this, but if it's anytime soon, the event's coming up from today, it's about a month, November 17,

18, 19th in San Diego, bestyeareverlive.com. It's a three-day experiential event. We're all throughout it. I lead visualizations and I'm going to share with everybody right now, a tip on something that we do with three, four, 500 people in a room, but you can do this on your own if you just have another person. And what we do is we, we lead a visualization, which in and of itself, there is a, an art and a science to that. And, um, I just delivered one, Hal interviewed me for our Achieve Your Goals podcast a few weeks ago. I think the title of that podcast was something like the four questions that will change your life. If anybody listens to that, and they fast forward, I you know, I'd love

if you listen to the whole thing. But I think somewhere around minute 35 or 45. I spontaneously lead a guided visualization. And apparently apparently it was pretty crazy for people based on what they were saying in real time. So if anyone wants to go actually experience one, it was unplanned. They rarely are planned, but you could hear me leading through one. But when we do this, Rob, here's a suggestion for everybody is I would add two steps to the process of visualizing that in my experience, and we've done this now with thousands of people, it can absolutely, it can not just incrementally, but exponentially transform the power of the visualization. So if I turn on some great music, which you have to have great music, find some instrumental tunes, get a movie soundtrack that really helps you to connect with your whole mind and your whole body. And if I visualize a future that I want, what I should do immediately after that is take a pen

and a piece of paper and just write down everything that I saw. And as I'm writing, give myself permission to go beyond what I saw and what I felt. And then I'm going to add one more step. And we facilitate this with hundreds of people and it's magical and it's irreplaceable when you have that many people but you could do this with one other person where if you visualize and then you journal, right? And the journaling is, it's a response to,

hey, what kinds of images of the future? If you saw yourself, anything was possible, making an impact that you've never thought was possible and an impact going beyond people that you'll even meet. Your business growing, not just successfully, but in a way where you're fulfilled and holistically, your family and your friends and your health and everything in your life is clicking. And so you got to, you have to spark what it is that you actually want to see. You got to build that kind of visualizing vocabulary.

But after you do that, write down everything that you've seen. Then turn to a partner, find a friend or someone you work with and share with each other. Talk out loud what you wrote down. Because there's a it's called the social constructionist theory and it's a belief and a perspective and I fully buy into it that a lot of our world is created and co-created and recreated in real time through our conversations with others and things become real when we have to talk it out loud there's a neurological basis for this too because for something to go from just a fuzzy idea to have to actually sharpen it to be able to speak it there Um, there's something that happens in the brain where in, in the body where we actually have to own it a little bit more. So

just a suggestion, if anyone is visualizing, go two steps further with it, you might be surprised what can, uh, what can happen from that. You know, it's amazing. Yeah. Another thing, and this is, uh, the best part about it is I went to the very first, since we're on the topic, I went to the very first best year ever blueprint, which I think was 2014. If I, yeah, I think that's when it was. December of 2014, I think is what it was. And I would say that it was way different than a lot of other events that I've been to. Because the thing I know about you, well, the thing about if I know, I know how you and Roman very

well. And the way you guys work and I've seen you guys speak and all of those things is it's not a typical, just sit down and listen. It's very, I guess more than anything else, it's more of a participatory, like it's all participation inside of it. And, you know, the very first thing I remember is decorating the room to the way that we wanted it to look and, um, and putting up quotes and all of these different things. And then the thing that happened was it was a lot of talking all of this stuff out. Yeah. And I remember this vividly, and this is, this is probably dealing exactly with what you're talking about. I remember having the conversation with two people. One of them was Aaron Luda and the other one was Dean DeVries, where I said to them, I miss the person that I used to be when I worked for Cutco.

And the reason why was because when I worked for Cutco, I was on point. I was so passionate and so on fire with what I was doing. And at the point in time, when I went back to the best year ever blueprint, I felt like I had lost that person because I was an employee for four years. And, um, I felt like I lost that person. And I said that I don't know what it is. I specifically, like I vividly remember this conversation, which is deals directly with what you're talking about. And I was like, I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have to do something that impacts other people's lives. I feel like I know a lot about personal growth and I've read hundreds of books, but I'm just sitting on it now. I'm not talking to people about it. I'm not bringing it up. And I thought to myself,

what if I just start a podcast and just talk into a mic and see if people start listening to it. And, um, and that is actually one of the most visual, the most vivid memories that I have from that was actually writing down what I wanted and then speaking it out to somebody else versus just writing it down. Cause there's stuff that you write down that I'm sure if I look back, I'd be like, Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that. But that one part of saying it out loud, I remember vividly because the fact that it was actually put into a conversation and we were able to talk through the whole thing. Yeah. You know, I'm just sitting here hearing you share this, Robin. It warms my heart, man. It gets me totally jazzed because, you know, it's nice to hear back an example where, you know, we believe in the science of how we facilitate. Um, and it's great to see a real world example. We, I was just in a conversation with Dana mall staff, who was

also at that first best year ever event with you four years ago. And she was just telling me two days ago, same thing, her whole brand, the boss mom brand was born at that event. It's awesome. And as much as I'd like to take credit for it, all we do is we bring in lighting, music, and a style of facilitation where people can tap into their own strengths. They can tap into their own purpose or elevate it. And we just create the space for that. And I think there's a good lesson here for anyone who's listening. If you lead others in leading, it doesn't matter your title or number of people, but I think there's a big lesson. If you want to enable positive changes

in others, you know, the formula that we use again and again, again, and we teach this in our leaf certification, we, we have a, it's a high price certification for leaders of large communities and large companies who learn how to facilitate conversations that are transformational in real time with large groups. And the formula that one of the formulas we teach them is, look, anything that you want an audience of any size to really to really buy into or to really own or internalize. You have to move them through a process. And the process that we use almost universally is they got to write something down first, right? Whether it's a goal, a vision, an answer to why am I here or where am I going or what are my strengths or when have I been at my best?

You know, there's fundamental questions we use that we think are important, but we've got to write those things down first. We can't hold them in our head. And then after we write them down, turn and talk them out loud with somebody else. If you lead a team and you want people excited about their future, have them write about it and then have them talk about it with each other. There's some magic that happens there that, you know, your story is just an example of it. So thanks for sharing that, man. That's cool's cool well it kind of goes back to i

guess the the phrase that i think of when you say that is if you want to learn something the best way is to try to teach it and the one thing that you said you said a word that was really big and i think that is it is the difference in when i was that i didn't even necessarily realize when i first said that there was a different feeling like just the conference itself is different is that it's not like you go to a conference and a bunch of people are just speaking at you and you're taking notes. What you said was you facilitate. And so what do you feel is the difference between going to a conference that's, or anything, even being a teacher where you're just teaching. Let's use that as an example. I'm a teacher, I'm a high school teacher. I could be sitting there and I could be teaching and just saying, this is, this is, this is, this, but what,

what's the difference between just doing that versus facilitating learning and conversation among the students that are there to learn something? Oh man. Well, now you're, now you're entering right into my zone of what I live in. I won't shut up on this man. Okay. Well, so I got a lot of stray thoughts that I'll see if I could weave together here. So let's, since you started with the idea of a teacher, let's, let's start there. And I think one of the things that, that we, there's a universal acceptance of is that the way that our education system has been built, it was built beautifully for another time in history. And we should honor that, right? It was built beautifully for another time in history. And it was built beautifully to be able to scale up education, but based on people being,

you know, prepared to work in a factory. And so we've all recognized that, okay, what we really need to do is kind of reconnect with why are we educating and how do we educate to tap into our highest geniuses or intelligences at individuals. And, and there's a science to this and we've all known it, but you know, moving a whole global institution doesn't happen overnight, but the science to it, people call it experiential learning or accelerated learning. And what is really, there's no denying the truth to this. We all learn differently and we all learn a lot better when learning goes from being passive to active, right? Now we've certified folks in how do you lead experientially and using positive

psychology and neuroscience and accelerated learning. But I can tell you that the essence of it all is understanding that when people read, listen, see, or hear something, that's what we call passive learning. And I don't know about all of you or any of your listeners, but I could listen to the best speakers in the world. And the really, really good ones, they tap into me at an emotional level and maybe that can trigger some sort of permanent change, but the probability of it triggering, you know, pervasive change across a large audience, especially if you're the ninth speaker we've heard from, um, it doesn't line up with what we know about how people learn best. So we're,

I'm a huge fan of bringing somebody like John Vroman in or Hal to give a speech. Those guys are the best in the world. They leave an emotional impact that creates transformation, but very few speakers really do. Instead of spending 80, 90, 100% of the time having passive learning, we have to shift the ratio where maybe it's 30, 40, 50% of the time there's what we call insight being brought in from the stage. But then the other 30, 40, 50% of the time, the participants need to be experientially in an immersion type of way. They've got to be actively learning around that content. So, you know, you asked what's the difference between speaking and facilitating. If somebody wants to group, and I feel like I've kind of discovered a secret.

And as others are being let in on this secret, when we certify them, they're like, oh my gosh, this is like an unlocking mechanism that could change the world. And that is, I think it's actually a lot easier to be a great facilitator than it is to be a world-class speaker. And they're very different. They're very different. I'll give you just one example and I give you 10, but here's one. When you are a professional speaker, you know, you are being paid in some ways to be a star of the show. I mean, you, and sometimes you have to be now great speakers will tell you, well, the audience is the star of the show, but yeah, you, it's sometimes you have to be now great speakers will tell you, well, the audience is the star of the show, but yeah, you're really there not just to educate, but to

entertain as much as anything, right. As a facilitator. I mean, I go into companies where they're paying us a hundred thousand dollars to facilitate two, three, four, 500 people over three days coming up with a strategic plan. That's complex stuff as a facilitator in that environment. You want to hear how I'm usually introduced. Welcome to the stage. This is our facilitator, John Berghoff. And you want to know what I tell them about me and how great I am and everything I've accomplished? Nothing. Because what's beautiful about facilitating is when you have a process that works. And see, this is why this is my passion is because a process is a lot more scalable than a personality. So when we get brought into companies, I actually don't want them

to know anything about me because exceptional facilitation, the facilitator is almost invisible to the process, right? The facilitator is not bringing necessarily ideas in, they're bringing a process to where ideas emerge from within the participants. Because I live with an assumption. And the assumption that I live with is that, yeah, the personal development industry, it's great. It changed my life. It changed yours. But I also believe there's a point at which we don't need to hear another answer from somebody else. And we need to push pause and look inward and realize, okay, I've actually got enough of the answers within me.

I just need to align my highest strengths with some sense of purpose and continually ask what is that emergent purpose vision and then keep moving forward and tap into what I've got inside of me. And so at our events, we designed the whole thing to where we've got incredible speakers that present. I'm not very good at promoting them because I just, even think about it, but we've got incredible people coming. We've got Joe Polish, David Osborne, Dana Malstaff, Juliana Ray. David Osborne is worth, I don't know, $70 million, $80 million.

The number goes up when I talk to him. He wrote a book called Wealth Can't Wait, and he's going to blow people's minds at our Best Year Ever event. weight. And he's going to blow people's minds at our best year ever event. Joe Polish, you know, the guy went from an addicted drug addict teen to pulling himself out of the gutter to his marketing advice has generated billions of dollars of value for his clients. Dana Malstaff, just like you, she was at our best year ever event three years ago where an idea was born. And now she's got this incredible brand where women entrepreneurs are thriving because of her. So we've got these amazing speakers. I'm, I know I'm forgetting two or three more of them right now. Um, but really that's about half the event. The other half is experiential learning. We, so hopefully I answered some of your question

about what's the difference between speaking and facilitating. And if I didn't happy to clear that up. Well, I think that the thing that brings me back to is I know with, with my coaching clients, but then also just with people in general, usually you start to, to notice stuff or you, as you say something, there's so many times where people start to talk and they go, oh yeah, that's the answer. It's like immediate as something starts to come out of their mouth, they immediately go, oh wait, that was, I don't even, I don't even need to ask for your advice. I already know exactly what it is. And I think it's just, like you said, it's a part of your brain that clicks on, uh, that as you're sitting there quietly, doesn't do it. And it's actually something that I think

I'm going to take from it because one of the things that I love to do is I talk to people about journaling and how journaling, at least for me, it was, it was a, it's become an art form because it was, I hated it so much. And I was so bad at it at first. Cause I thought of that. I sat down and I was just like, dear diary today, blah, blah, blah. But what it turned into is I started asking myself questions. And so whenever I felt a certain way or whatever, something wasn't going right, I would just write questions down on a piece of paper. And when I would write the question down, my brain would immediately try to solve that problem. And then I would be like, oh man, so this is the answer to that. I've been searching this for so

such a long time, but now I'm thinking to myself, well, as soon as I get done journaling, I need to call up a friend and start talking to them about what I just journaled and see if, you know, it starts to, I guess, get it more, more solid in my brain and in my thoughts and my, my actions of what I should do. So with that being said, um, I'm curious how you use this as a husband and also as a father, because that was the one thing I love to read. I love human psychology. I love figuring, I love reading books about children's psychology and all of the stuff they go through as their brain matures and all of these things. But I don't have any kids. I've got nieces, nephews, cousins. I'm part of a massive family, but I'm not there every single day raising somebody. your wife use it. And then also the same time with with your kids, how you how you use that, because I'm sure that ton of the people that are listening here, they might not be teachers, but there's a lot of them I know that are parents. Yeah, yeah. Well, gosh, I think to be fair,

if I give any advice, I should have to equally share with you all of the disasters as a husband and as a dad, because that's a fact. You know, I'll share with you a story about my experience as a coach of one of my kids' sports, because I think there's a lot that has changed for me from having kids. I've got a seven-year-old boy, Ace, our six-year-old daughter, Sierra, and our three-and-a-half-year-old boy, Kaizen. And Ace, when he started getting into sports, you know, I realized, well, I want to be a coach. And at first, the reasons why were, well, because, you know, I just want to be around when my kids play in sports. And then I learned really quickly that being a coach of my kids' sports is about way more than just being able to hang out with my son while he's playing football or

baseball or basketball, whatever the sport is. And so my first year as a coach, there was a kind of a defining moment for me when it was flag football. And this was first graders. Now, if you've ever coached first grade flag football, they spend the first half of the season during practice, just chewing on their mouth guards. It's like they're distracted and then they're chasing the mosquitoes and pulling each other's flags. It's like herding rattlesnakes, right? So that whole year, there was a pivotal moment. It was actually at our first or second practice where all the kids are out there. None of them are paying attention. And I'm one of the coaches and I'm looking around and I'm realizing about half of these kids' parents are standing right

there and they're watching me right now. And it went from, hey, I'm just here to coach to, oh, this just got real. Their parents are watching me parent their kids basically. oh, this just got real. Their parents are watching me parent their kids basically. And it took me a year to find my voice as a kid's coach. In fact, the first year, I kind of let the kids walk all over me. And here I'm a leadership coach to huge corporations. And with my kids, I'm just falling flat. First graders are walking all over you. First graders are walking all over me. So what happened was I watched ACE's hockey coach. He plays hockey and his hockey coach is a guy who I have so much respect for because what I came to learn about coach Chris is coach Chris has dedicated himself to studying what it means to be a successful coach of kids.

I watched coach Chris and I realized coach Chris, he was treating coaching these kids the way a professional coach would treat coaching a professional athlete. And I immediately realized, oh my gosh, I have forgotten that how I do anything in life is how I do everything. And just because they're in first grade doesn't mean I shouldn't treat this like this practice or this next play could change the rest of their lives. Because I watched Chris and I noticed a few things. One is every second of his hour-long practice was scripted. So he knew exactly what was going to happen. So I realized I've got to actually give this the respect it deserves. Which by the way, that's just a rule for life. Like if I claim that I do

something professionally, I better be putting more time into practicing, rehearsing, preparing, getting ready than I am actually delivering. In other words, I'm just not being a professional. The other thing I saw Chris doing is he was equally tough on the kids as he was encouraging. And that's when I realized I've got to make a decision. I'm either going to be one of these parent coaches that just says, yeah, I don't care about this. And I'm just a volunteer and I'll let the kids walk all over me. Or I'm going to step in and I'm going to do everything I can to make a difference. Doesn't mean I'm going to be perfect or right all the time. And I'm going to, I'm going to commit to this. And so Rob, what I decided to do is I decided

to say, ask myself, well, what do I believe in? Well, when I go to work every day, we're borrowing from the leading science in the field of, you said this phrase earlier, positive psychology. And we work with the top thought leaders in these areas. And I'm thinking I could bring all of this into our football team. So what we started to do is I started to bring it into every single practice. So an example would, we'd start the practice. And what do you think I would ask the kids before we'd start the practice? I would say, hey, let's set some goals. And I'd ask the kids, what's your goal for this? And they'd all be huddled around me.

What's your goal for this practice? And I had to coach them on how to answer that. That's an important reminder in life that when we're coaching others, when we're asking a question, if we have a good answer, it doesn't mean they've been taught how to answer it. So the first time people are presented with certain types of questions, they have to be given help on how to answer it. So guys, what are your goals? Here's some examples.

And they eventually learned to set some simple goals. I want to pull more flags. I want to run fast. I want to score. I want to catch. I want simple goals. I want to pull more flags. I want to run fast. I want to score. I want to catch. I want to throw. I want to do a good job, right? And then later in the season, I got to the point where I'd say, guys, I want you to think

about your goals, but I want you to close your eyes, right? And I didn't call it visualization, but it would take 10 seconds. I'd say, just see it happening, right? And then the next thing we do, Rob, is during practice, I learned that every single play, every single play, at the end of the play, as the kids are running back to the huddle, I would try and give out two or three compliments. And I would try and find somebody who I could correct so they could improve, right? So I've got two eyes on like nine kids here, and I'm trying to see one kid who I could improve, and two or three compliments I could give out. And it's fast, but what I learned and was reminded of that I do at

work is I got to catch them doing things right. And I got to tell them, even if it's a quick compliment, cause now they know what to do more of. And now all their friends who heard it know what to do more of, right? These are basics to somebody in, in sales management, but I had forgotten. So we give out a lot of compliments. And then at the end of practice, one of the things we did, Rob, is, see, I really, I believed that for them to learn how to succeed as a team, which is a huge life lesson, they not only have to learn the fundamentals of the sport they're playing,

but they have to learn how to actually create a bond together. And I, as a coach, have to facilitate that. I can't assume it's going to happen on its own. So at the end of every practice, every game, before we walk away, we sit everybody in a circle and I say, who wants to pay a compliment to somebody else? And the kids raise their hand, right? And I say, I want to, I want to compliment Joshua who ran really fast. Aisle raises his hand. I want to compliment Charlie who made a great catch. And then ATL raises his hand. I want to compliment drew who did a great job at center today and the kids are learning how to acknowledge each other and what i don't have to tell them but what's also happening is their bond with each other is really strengthening

yeah so that's just that's an example where i've realized that things that that i've always believed in professionally i've got to figure out how to bring into my parenting. And it's tough because as a parent of three kids, I tell people who don't have kids, and if you do, you've all lived this, that kids become a mirror, a reflection of everything that I am, the good and the bad. And I feel like my kids have become my greatest teacher in life because I see them reflecting back the deepest parts of who I am. I see it and I go, oh my gosh, they're reflecting back parts of me that I'm reflecting back from my

parents. Like I'll see my daughter or my son and go like, oh my gosh, that's grandpa Chuck right there. Oh my gosh. It's crazy. And all of a sudden it's like, oh,

this is real. Every single thing I do makes a difference. And then I remember that's true everywhere I go in life. Anything I do, everything matters. Everything makes a difference with every relationship I have. So I could talk a lot about parenting, but, um, man, no, that was, that was, so now I've seen, I've never understood the phrase of my children are my greatest teachers. And so you just said that because now I understand you see your reflection of everything that you do great and everything that you do bad. And then you, you probably have seen parts of yourself. You didn't even actually realize you had or said,

or did, or whatever they might be just as a reflection of yourself through your kids. Or that I was in denial about, or that I, or that I didn't want to address. Yeah. It's easy to see the great things and go, that's me right there. But then you see them react and it's like, was that you or me? That's me, right? And that's an amazing self-awareness that's forced upon me as a parent. Wow, that's amazing. All right, man.

Well, it's been good. This is an unexpected conversation that kind of popped up. So I'm super, super glad Well, it's been good. I was, uh, this is a unexpected conversation that kind of popped up. So I'm super, super glad we're able to do this. Um, it was enlightening. I learned a lot and, uh, I want to do it again, which is, uh, I would a hundred percent be at best year ever if I was in the United States, but I won't be back until December 4th. So you'll be there in spirit, buddy. And I just want to say to all your listeners too, Rob, that I commend the wisdom and the curiosity they have to be in the space that you have created. Because anyone who's a regular listener of what you're doing, it tells me that they're on a path. And they might not know where that path is going to go.

You and I don't know where it's going to go. that path is going to go you and I don't know where it's going to go. But I would just encourage them to realize that if they stay curious, and they stay hungry, and they and they keep learning from you and anybody, you know, that's what the world needs. And there's some huge problems in this world. And people love to talk about the problems. But let's not forget that every problem is an opportunity. And I just want to honor you, Rob, for being someone who's impacting so many people. It's really cool to see, man. So thanks for letting me be a small part of it. Of course, man.

Well, it's been great to talk with you, John. See you, buddy. All right, thanks, man. Take care. See ya.