The Mindset Mentor - Getting Rid of Negative Self-Talk

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. If you're out there and you love this podcast, you want some extra mindset techniques, go ahead and go to mondayemail.com right now. Once again, mondayemail.com. Every Monday, I send out an email with some tips and tricks that I use every single week and that I'm going to use going into each week to help prepare me for the week and get past mindset issues, fear, anxiety, all that stuff. And it's absolutely free. So if you want it, go to mondayemail.com and I'll start emailing you every single Monday. Today, we're going to be talking about how to get rid of all of the negative self-talk and working with it and working through it and understanding it and being able to really, I guess you could say, if you can get rid

Starting point is 00:00:54 of negative self-talk, actually start to love yourself a little bit more. I've coached many people, thousands of people throughout the past 16, 17 years now. The one thing that I hear so consistently is that people are not good to themselves in their heads. Some people, you might fit in this category, beat themselves up. They say they're ugly. They say they're fat. They talk shit to themselves. And they fit into the category of just beating themselves up that way. Some people fit in the category of, you know, you should be further along. You should have done this differently. You should be this way. You know, and they use fear and guilt and shame on themselves.

Starting point is 00:01:30 And no matter what category that you're in, this should really help you out. And I want to talk about that, but I also want to give you some tips so that you can actually work through it. So it would be really good if you have a pen and paper, if it's possible for you to get one. If you're driving, please don't do this, but grab a pen and paper. If you're driving, if you're in the gym, something like that, at least try to think through some of the things that I'm going to be talking about and see if you could come up with some realizations of some things that relate to you, some things that stick out in your head. And hopefully we can start to work through it and start to help you relieve yourself from this. The first thing I'll say is

Starting point is 00:02:05 this. The only problem in your life is that you think that there's a problem. That's it. The only problem is that you think that there's a problem. And I could go really, really deep in this, but if you take yourself in this moment right now, in this very second, is there anything that is actually truly wrong in your life? Then you might say, oh, well, my relationship's not where I want it to be. My bank account's not where I want it to be. I should be further along in my life. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about in this moment, this very second, not 10 seconds from this moment, but right now in this moment, is everything okay? Is everything good? Are you safe? Do you have food, water, shelter, clothing? Are you good?

Starting point is 00:02:47 Most of you are going to be like 99.99999999% of you are good. And so we create issues and we think of problems and we create our own problems. And a lot of our problems that we create deal with our own self-worth and who we think that we are. And so what I would love for you to do if you do have a pen and paper is to start to write down some of the stuff that you commonly say to yourself. If you don't have a pen and paper, start to think of the things that you commonly say to yourself. If you say, oh, you're fat, oh, you're ugly, you're stupid, you'll never amount to anything, you're not worth anybody getting into a relationship of, you're worthless, you're unlovable. Oh, you've got love handles, you've got stretch marks, you got cottage cheese on your legs.

Starting point is 00:03:31 No wonder why you're single. You'll forever be alone. You're not good with money. You'll be broke forever. Money is hard to come by. That's why you'll never make it. You're not good enough to. You'll never run a successful business. Whatever it is that you might say to yourself, we all say something to ourselves. And for those of you guys, you might be negative of yourself, like I said a few minutes ago, or you might be saying stuff to yourself where your heart and yourself is where you are, where you should be, where your business should be, how much money you should have, all of those things. I want you to write them all down and actually start to look at them. And I want you to, at this point, write down the absolute worst thing that you've ever said to yourself. Can you think of the worst things you've ever

Starting point is 00:04:13 said to yourself? Try to put yourself back into that moment. What did you say to yourself? I want you to write everything down that you possibly can. And the reason why is because it's a lot easier to work through something when you can see it on paper. And so sometimes it's so funny because our brain is so smart, it doesn't want to hold on to anything. It's just a waste of energy. So you might write something down and then your brain looks at it and it's like, that doesn't make any sense. Because you're looking at it basically as a third person. You're looking at it from your brain now. Now you're looking at a piece of paper. You're detached from it. It's out of your brain. And you're looking and you're like, well, that doesn't really make any sense anymore. I don't know why I keep saying that. And it's a story

Starting point is 00:04:51 that continues to play in your head. It's a song that's stuck in your head. And it's your job to start to get rid of these things. And what I want you to do is I want you to take that sheet of paper. I want you to find your youngest child, sibling, cousin, and I want you to do is I want you to take that sheet of paper. I want you to find your youngest child, sibling, cousin, and I want you to say all of those things to them, starting with the worst thing. Imagine yourself saying that. Actually do this. What I want you to do after you find your youngest child or sibling or cousin, anyone under the age of 10, and you say all this stuff to them, what I want you to do is I want you to find yourself a picture of yourself as a child. Find a picture of yourself as a child and look at that picture of yourself and ask yourself, would you ever say that to them? Because that little child still lives inside of

Starting point is 00:05:32 you. We're all still children deep at heart. You know, you might be 47 years old, but you're a 47-year-old child, right? I'm 36 years old, but I'm a 36-year-old child. And we can all admit that deep down inside, we're still that emotional being that we were. And we might think, oh, but I've got to be realistic and the world's harder and I've got to grow up and all these things. And sure, you can do whatever you like, but there is still a piece of you that is that child deep down inside. When you look at that child, what would you think about yourself? What would you say to yourself? Would you say what's on that piece of paper? I know a few years ago, I went and did a ayahuasca experience, a psychedelic experience. And one of the things they talked about after the experience during one of the days where they were doing lessons and stuff is finding a picture of yourself when you were a

Starting point is 00:06:19 child, preferably under the age of like five years old, find a picture of yourself and put that as the background of your phone. Put it as the background of your phone so that you can see it, so that you remind yourself that that piece of you still lives inside of you. And anytime you speak negatively, you're actually speaking negatively to that child. And so for me, it's been my background for years now, four years at this point. And it's a picture of me and my dad when I was probably two, two and a half years old, you know, a little chubby kid. I was in a me and my dad when I was probably two, two and a half years old, you know, a little chubby kid. I was in a car with my dad in the backseat. It was the 80s, so it seemed like my dad was holding on to me and there was no seatbelt on me back in the day before when nobody cared about driving with children, I guess. And there was no

Starting point is 00:06:58 real safety contraptions to keep us okay. We were in the car and you could tell we were in the car, I was in the backseat, my dad was holding on to me. And I had that picture on my background to remind me. And I see it every day, multiple times a day, all day long. And the reason why is because you want to remind yourself that when you're speaking negatively to yourself, you're speaking to that child negatively. Like, would you? I really truly want you to do this. And I want you to tag me in these photos if you can find it. I want you to find a photo of yourself. I want you to print it out. If you already have it printed out, whatever, put it on your mirror. So when you're brushing your teeth, you see it every single day and you can remind yourself that of that child. And oh my gosh, I can't believe I've said the things that

Starting point is 00:07:37 I've said to that child. I would never say those things. If you had your two-year-old, three-year-old self in front of you, you would never say the list of those things that are on that piece of paper. So why do you say it to yourself? You would never talk to someone that you love the same way that you talk to yourself. Never. So have you ever browsed in incognito mode? It's probably not as incognito as you think. And why would it be?

Starting point is 00:08:00 Incognito mode, like the Chrome browser itself, is a Google product. And Google has made its fortune by tracking your movements online. There's even a $5 billion class action lawsuit against the company in California where it's accused of secretly collecting user data. Google's defense, incognito does not mean invisible. So how do you actually make yourself as invisible as possible online? Use ExpressVPN like I do. Turns out that even in incognito mode, your online activity still gets tracked and data brokers still get to buy and sell your data. One of these data points is your IP address. Data harvesters use your IP to uniquely identify you and your location.

Starting point is 00:08:35 But with ExpressVPN, your connection gets routed through an encrypted server and your IP address gets masked. Every time you connect to ExpressVPN, you get a random IP address shared by many other ExpressVPN customers. That makes it even harder for third parties to identify you and harvest your data. Best of all, ExpressVPN is super easy to use. No matter what device you're on, your phone, your laptop, or smart TV, all you have to do is tap one button for instant protection. So if you really want to go incognito and protect your privacy, secure yourself with a number one rated VPN. Visit expressvpn.com slash dial and get three extra months for free. That's e-x-p-r-e-s-s vpn.com slash dial. Go to expressvpn.com slash dial to learn more.

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Starting point is 00:09:58 First, they start with fast acting SmartSorb CBD to calm your mind. And then they add fast acting melatonin to help you get to sleep fast. Plus, a controlled release melatonin so you can sleep longer and wake up refreshed. The only brand to combine these proprietary ingredients in one product. So get a better night's rest and better day tomorrow with products from NextEvo Naturals. For up to 25% off subscription of $40 or more, use the promo code DIAL at nextevo.com. That's N-E-X-T-E-V-O.com, promo code DIAL. Now, here's the thing I want you to start to think about. And now we're going to go deeper into this. When you look at the things that you wrote down with a piece of paper, I want you to answer this question. Is that absolute truth? Is that absolute truth?

Starting point is 00:10:44 Or is that a distortion of the way that you see yourself? So let me give you an example. Let's say that you say, I'm not worthy of love. If that's on your piece of paper, is it absolute truth that you are not worthy of love? Or is that some distorted way that you look at the world, some distorted lens that you're looking at? Because it's not absolute truth, and if it's not absolute truth, it means that it's false, and it means that you are now holding on to and perpetuating a false narrative. It's not true. Is it true? Is it absolute truth that you are unworthy of love? No, that is incorrect. Do you say it to yourself? Yes, which means that you are unworthy of love? No, that is incorrect. Do you

Starting point is 00:11:25 say it to yourself? Yes, which means that you are perpetuating a false narrative. It is completely false. No part of it is true, but you are the one that is keeping it alive. You are the one that is keeping it alive. You, every single time you say it, you're breathing air into that thing versus just stop breathing air into it and allow it to die. Stop talking to yourself that way. When you look at the list and you say, let's say you'll never be a great business owner. Maybe that's on the list. Is it absolute truth that you'll never be a great business owner? No, it's not absolute truth that you'll never be a great business owner. As you it's not absolute truth that you'll never be a great business owner.

Starting point is 00:12:05 As you are a business owner, you become better as a business owner. So is it absolute truth that you're a terrible business owner and you'll never be a great business owner? No, it's not absolute truth. Like when you were born into this earth and you popped out of your mother,

Starting point is 00:12:17 they weren't like, that one right there, that one's never gonna be a good business owner. Is it absolute truth? No. Who's keeping it alive? You. You're breathing air into it. You are perpetuating a lie. What does that feel like to know that you're the only one perpetuating that lie? It's interesting, isn't it? Because you start to actually see behind yourself. And this is what's interesting about the whole thing is you can look

Starting point is 00:12:43 into the past, but you can also start to learn who you currently are in your current conditioning. And I'm going to have another episode on this so I go much, much deeper. But there's knowing yourself and there's learning yourself. And I'll give it to you real quick. Knowing yourself deals with the past. It's all of the memories and thoughts and things that you've done. That's how you know yourself. But learning yourself is in the present. It's things that you're doing all the time. And so when this idea pops up, this thought pops up inside of your head of, I'm not good enough. Is it absolute truth that you're not good enough? No, absolutely not. I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. I'll never be worthy. I'm not worthy of love.

Starting point is 00:13:16 I'll never get to where I want to be. All of those things, are those absolute truth? No. That is a lie that you are breathing into every single time that you say it. And so what you have to do is you have to write these things down. So those of you, once again, that are driving at some point in time, rewind this episode, go back and write them all down. And then look at each individual one. Take a deep breath and say, is that absolute truth? And absolute truth means if you take away all humans, all thoughts, all of that stuff, is that absolute truth? All of your memories, all of your thoughts for yourself, is that absolute truth. I'm, you know, one of the things that could be holding you back is I'm terrible in relationships.

Starting point is 00:13:55 Is that absolute truth? That's an absolute truth. It's just something that you continue to keep alive and keep perpetuating. And so one of the things that's important is, I said this a few minutes ago, is your brain is very intelligent. Your brain doesn't like to hold on to things and waste energy if it doesn't need to. And so if it's wasting energy with this thought of not good enough, not good enough, not good enough, not good enough, not good enough, and then you look at it on a piece of paper, detach yourself from it and say, is that absolute truth that I'm not good enough? No, it's not. You can start to actually make a plan of how to get past that negative self-talk of not good enough.

Starting point is 00:14:27 One of the ways that you can do it is to do exactly what I said. Find a picture of yourself as a child, print it out. If you have a printer at home, you can put it in multiple places. Put it as the background of your phone, print it out and put it on your mirror so you see it, print it out and put it on your desk. Print it out and put it somewhere around your speedometer. Don't cover up your speedometer. On your car so you can see it as often as you possibly can. Put it everywhere. And then one thing you can start to do is notice the negative stuff that you say to yourself. And what is the opposite of that? So if I'm not good enough is not absolute truth, what is absolute truth?

Starting point is 00:15:06 That you are good enough, that you're worthy, that you're capable of creating anything that you want to in your mind, that you're an infinitely intelligent, creative being that can do anything that it wants to, whatever it hits home for you, and come up with some sort of statement, some sort of word, some sort of phrase that makes you feel powerful, reminds you of the power that you have, put that on the mirror as well. And so you're looking at what you should be saying, and you're looking at it and you're brushing your teeth and you're reading it in your head over and over and over again, whatever that statement is that makes you feel powerful. And then you're looking at that picture of you as a child and you're saying,

Starting point is 00:15:40 I would never speak to that child that way, never speak to that child that way. And you start to actually think to yourself, okay, I'm not going to speak that way to that child. And this thing that is in the mirror is powerful. It is exciting. And it is something I want to work through. And it is the reprogramming that I want inside of my brain. And you start to put in sticky notes. You put it on your mirror. You put it as a background on your phone. You put it everywhere you possibly can because we've been programmed just by society. It's just the way that it goes. Nobody did it with any ill intent, but that's what happens when you end up growing up in a society. Society programs us and conditions

Starting point is 00:16:11 us in some sort of way. You have to be in charge of changing your programming to whatever it is that you want to be. Now, if you want to take a step further, you may have heard me say this in the podcast before. Another thing that helps you, and I've actually had many people reach out to me and say that they've done this after me teaching this on the podcast at some point in time and being like, man, this was hard. I started crying in the middle of it. I didn't like it. And I didn't know what came up, but if you can do this, I promise you it'll help. And I know most of you guys are listening to this and you're like, fuck that, not doing it. Some of you guys are going to do it though. It's really going to help you out. Every morning when you get out of the shower, stay naked. Don't even put anything on top of you. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, I love you 100

Starting point is 00:16:50 times. Or put a timer on your phone for five minutes and just say, I love you. Look at yourself in the eye. Look at you as your naked body, how you are without any clothing, without dressing up, without any makeup, without any of that stuff. You, raw human version of you, set your timer for five minutes and just say, I love you. I love you. And try to put as much meaning into it. For some people, a lot of people, it ends up becoming really hard and some stuff will come up. And what usually comes up is the things that keep you from loving yourself. Oh yeah, but you're not good enough. You're not smart enough. Remember that time that you screwed up? You're a terrible mother. All of these things, they come up and you go, oh, that's what I actually need to work through. The thing that's

Starting point is 00:17:33 keeping me away from this self-love, that's getting me into this negative self-talk, the thing that's keeping me from self-love is this negative self-talk. This is what I need to work through. Because ultimately, none of that is absolute truth and that is what you need to work through. You have to become your biggest fan. You have to be obsessed with yourself. Who the hell else should you be obsessed with? The better that you become, the more that you go, you know what? I fucking love this person that I am. I love who I am. I'm going to change myself. I'm going to grow myself. I'm going to become what I know I can become. And the more that you start to become your biggest fan, start loving yourself

Starting point is 00:18:03 more, the more capacity that you have to give that to other people. Because you might say to yourself, oh, I love my children so much, but I have problems loving myself. Well, if you're restricting love to yourself, you're restricting love to your children. You're restricting love to people around you. And so if you do want to improve your relationships with everybody, your relationship with the world, you have to start looking at yourself and say, you know what? I've got to look around and start changing this as well. Because if I work on myself, it will automatically permeate into everything else around me as well. And so the way to work through your negative self-talk is to write it down, look at it, ask yourself its absolute truth, come up with the opposite of that, look around and find

Starting point is 00:18:41 out what you can that's empowering that you want to say to yourself, put it on your mirror, print it out, put it on your phone, put it on your desk, all those things. Find pictures of you as a kid and remind yourself that is the child that you're speaking to when you speak in your mind. Whether it's positive, whether it's negative, whatever it is, that's the child that you're speaking to. And that will start to reprogram yourself and help you remind yourself, nope, not doing this. I'm not going to speak to that child that way. Nope, not going to do this. I'm not going to speak to that child that way. And that will slowly but surely, it's not going to happen overnight. I promise you this, it's going to take time. That will slowly but surely start to help you reprogram your negative self-talk. So that's what I got for you for

Starting point is 00:19:15 today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories and tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Once again, if you print out pictures of yourself and you end up putting it on a mirror, take a picture of that shit, send it to me on Instagram. I would love to see it. And you know, if you send it to me on Instagram, it'll pop up and I'll be able to see it. And I would, I would be excited to see that. Just to see you guys start to take action with what I'm teaching, which is really what I want. You can learn and you can learn and you can learn, but really what it matters is are you taking action with what you learn? And that's what's most important. So with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make

Starting point is 00:19:49 it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Getting Rid of Negative Self-Talk

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